Why Men Pull Away and How to Deal With It As A High Value Woman

Sometimes there’s literally nothing worse than having your man pull away from you. It can be especially confusing if men pull away when they are falling in love.

Whether your man is falling in love with you or it’s only the very early stages of a relationship are you’re not sure whether he is in love with you, a man pulling away still hurts.

It’s also often stressful.

It doesn’t matter how long he pulls away. It still hurts.

…Because we are talking about a man whom you’ve invested your precious time, your energy and your emotions.

And so for him to pull away from you at any moment, it’s painful. As a woman, you would feel that his lack of presence leaves a void that is difficult to fill.

But why do men pull away from the relationship? And how can you deal with it in the best way possible when they do?

How can you deal with it as a feminine yet high value woman?

Let me answer those questions in this article.

Why Men Pull Away

Every day my team and I get questions about the topic of men pulling away.

The reality is that men will pull away and withdraw from you and from the relationship – it’s bound to happen at some point.
Of course, I have definitely heard about men who have never pulled away in a relationship. Yes, that’s right there are men who don’t pull away.

However, that man who never pulls away is a rare exception (and is able to be the exception perhaps due to the fact that he is just in the right place in his life when he met you).

It could be due to the myriad of factors in their unique relationship lining up at exactly the right time.

However, often, if a woman says her man never pulls away (which again, is an exception), it’s not necessarily that he doesn’t pull away – it’s moreso that she (the woman) doesn’t perceive that he pulls away.

Either she ‘gets’ him, so she doesn’t find his actions a threat to her emotional safety, or she has secure attachment (so none of his absences bother her much) – or she is also possibly more balanced in her masculine and feminine energy also.

So of course, there are exceptions to this rule that masculine men pull away from their intimate relationship at some point.

However, whether a man is in love with you or not – there will likely come a time when you feel him pulling away, and you will feel it in your body, your heart and in your emotions.

Pulling away is simply what masculine men have to do sometimes.

It is a part of their masculine instinct.

To prevent them from doing so is like telling the sun not to rise.

(…and of course, us women pull away from relationships too, but most of the time not for the same reasons as men do.)

See… the truth is, most men can only take being connected deeply to you for a certain amount of time before they need to remove themselves to find their equilibrium again.

They need to re-engage with their identity in their mission, their goals, and their masculine passions.

Even when a man is very much in love – he will get to a stage where he needs to do this.

Here are 5 Unusual Signs He Is Madly In Love With You.

A man who is truly in love with you can usually spend more time with you before he needs to pull away; but each man is unique and each moment is also unique.

However, having a man pull away doesn’t always mean your man isn’t in love with you.

Sometimes the more in love he is, the more he needs to pull away when everything seems to be going well, because at some point he realises that he has a responsibility inside of the relationship to give to you, and in order to feel capable as a man to give to you – he needs to feel like he is enough by pulling away and delving into his goals, missions and passions.

Being worthy as a man becomes the priority in that case.

So it’s important for us women to realise the truth which is…

Your man will pull away at some point.

Of course, this does not always mean that your relationship is doomed – quite the contrary.

When he pulls away, or withdraws from the relationship, is the exact time that you get your ‘make-or break’ moment to show your high value as a woman in the relationship.

Because no man wants to give up his freedom and masculine missions in fear that he has a woman who will restrict him and pull him back.

I only say this because most of us (myself included) have a tendency to respond with fear and neediness when he pulls away.

Look, there are good survival and protective reasons for us doing this – and there’s really nothing wrong with becoming needy and fearful when he pulls away, you just need to be aware that if you act from fear, that can strip value from the “relationship bank”.

Every time you respond in fear; there’s a chance that you’re stripping value from your man and from the relationship.

This is not something for you to be angry about or even to be scared of… this is just something for you to understand and appreciate.

None of this will change the truth of how you feel when he pulls away, though: when he withdraws – it hurts.

The pain is real. Wouldn’t you agree?

You may not say so out loud, you may act tough by putting on an “I don’t care” face, but deep down, it hurts.

You may get angry. Sad. You may feel unloved. You no longer feel like the princess that perhaps he once treated you as.

Whatever your experiences may have been… do not make your feelings wrong.

The difference between a high value, vulnerable woman and a woman who find it hard to inspire any emotional commitment from men is exactly this…

It’s her ability to sink into her deepest emotions beyond her masks of toughness, anger, revenge or punishment.

When men pull away feel more

That’s right… Do NOT make your feelings wrong.

If we as women have become attached or connected to a man, or if a man has any value to us, then we naturally become irrationally afraid that his withdrawal from the relationship could mean:

1: He might sleep with other women and all his resources will go to the other woman. (Which of course is not always true! It certainly happens but inside of a relationship, it is usually much less common than what we women tend to think…)

2: That he may never come back, and to a woman’s primitive brain, this could mean that she might not survive.

…And hey, let’s be honest here. If we have truly gotten attached to a man, then sometimes, going through the pain of a man pulling away really can feel like we might die (that’s how intense our feelings can become) – so we try to resist the pain and perhaps get angry at him or beg him to stay.

In other words, we are acting out of our own fears.

And 3: A man pulling away could mean that she has just realised that she had been used (perhaps it was only a casual sex situation or that he got what he wanted and now she will never see the man again).

(If you want to hear my thoughts on casual sex, see my series on The Secret Cost for Women When They Have Casual Sex.)

How do we show up in a high value way despite the fear?

What can we as women do about this, and how can we show up as a feminine yet high value woman in those fearful moments?

Well before I address that, I want you to consider this first…

Think about when you’re in a relationship and you feel kind of suffocated…That’s the stress levels going up from too much closeness.

This ‘too much closeness’ happens much sooner for men than for women when in the context of emotional bonding. I am talking about emotional bonding here, so keep that in mind.

(This does not mean that us women don’t also feel suffocated at times, of course we do!)

What happens is, as men get closer in a relationship and things are going well, the oxytocin levels go up in his body as they start bonding…. Then men will tend to want to pull away in order to rebuild their testosterone levels through their masculine missions.

(As their oxytocin levels go up, their testosterone levels go down and this can cause a lot of stress for men with a strong sense of mission in his life.)

Because let’s think about it from the man’s perspective for a moment… it is OFTEN through a man’s masculine missions that he is able to provide and bring resources to the table. That’s how he gets to feel like a man.

Your man pulling away could have real positive intent.

(By they way, on the topic of feminine, click here to find out how feminine you are deep down in your core by doing my quiz here. I’ve carefully designed these 8 questions to show you exactly how much you are living in your feminine energy and what it really means for you.)

Well before I address that, I want you to consider this first…

Think about when you’re in a relationship and you feel kind of suffocated…That’s the stress levels going up from too much closeness.

This ‘too much closeness’ happens much sooner for men than for women when in the context of emotional bonding. I am talking about emotional bonding here, so keep that in mind.

(This does not mean that us women don’t also feel suffocated at times, of course we do!)

What happens is, as men get closer in a relationship and things are going well, the oxytocin levels go up in his body as they start bonding…. Then men will tend to want to pull away in order to rebuild their testosterone levels through their masculine missions.

(As their oxytocin levels go up, their testosterone levels go down and this can cause a lot of stress for men with a strong sense of mission in his life.)

Because let’s think about it from the man’s perspective for a moment… it is OFTEN through a man’s masculine missions that he is able to provide and bring resources to the table. That’s how he gets to feel like a man.

So him pulling away could have real positive intent. I want you really understand this.

Your man pulling away could have real positive intent.

But for us women, it’s harder to relate to that because our default is to stay in relationship mode, we truly feel at home in relationship and connecting… (At least when we’re living in our feminine energy.)

…So from our feminine perspective, we get confused, and we may ask questions from our own feminine brain like…

“Why are you pulling away? Why didn’t you call? What’s going on?”

“Do you not LOVE me anymore?”

The problem here is that men and women are hardwired completely differently. Sure, we are all human. There are aspects that make all of us human.

But there are also elements that make us completely different, like the fact that most of us women see the world through our own feminine filters and it’s not so easy to understand a man’s masculine behaviour through our own filters.

Because what is intuitive to a man in a relationship is not what is intuitive to a woman.

Most women are naturally more feminine in their core, and most men are naturally masculine in their core.

This creates what I call masculine or feminine biases in behaviour, especially in relationships.

See, as a feminine woman, your natural bias is to move towards attachment in a relationship. You want to fill up, and you find it hard to let go.

It’s different for a masculine man.

Here’s a table I made that will briefly help you see the differences between the masculine and feminine energies, to help you understand why the man you’re with may not seem to want to connect or talk all day long, why he may not want to always be with you, attached to you and connected emotionally.

Contrasting the differences between masculine and feminine energy

What is intuitive to a man in a relationship is not what is intuitive to a woman

What is intuitive to a man, can be completely foreign to us as women. And so a man withdrawing can cause us uncertainty and sometimes even suffering.

I was speaking to my husband David the other week, and he brought something up that was like an absolute “Ah-HAH” or a breakthrough for him, but to me as a woman, that breakthrough that he had was …almost commonsense.

It was something that was obviously intuitive for me as a woman, but it wasn’t for him.

I was all like ‘Haha, have you been living under a rock?!’

Yet, if I was to go to my girlfriends and bring that particular thing up; they’d get it… in a heartbeat.

Truth is, there are SO many of these little breakthroughs my husband David and I have all the time about each other, about the opposite sex, about love and relationships…

Because we are different creatures. What is intuitive for him can be counterintuitive or even foreign to me.

… and get this, we’ve been obsessively researching evolutionary psychology, picking each others’ brain and teaching this stuff to women for more than a decade!

Our pain and suffering is dictated by our feminine meaning…

A man pulling away from the relationship doesn’t have to cause you suffering. Your suffering comes from the meaning you give it when a man withdraws.

The meaning we give an event changes everything. And a bad meaning can sometimes come from a lack of understanding of men.

We as women can give it a different meaning, which would lead to us having a totally different experience.

(Of course, simpler said than done.)

By having a greater understanding of men and their masculine world, then we are able to create better meaning and have the ability to show up with more confidence and more intrinsic value.

Remember, the reason why you were probably attracted to that man in the first place was his masculine energy, masculine presence and direction.

If you want to know how high value your man is, read this article on signs he is a high value man.

If you had a feminine man, would you still be attracted to him?

To help you understand why him pulling away is not always a disaster, let me ask you a few questions:

How would you feel if you were around a man who was highly emotional? For example: he was able to cry at the drop of a hat, and feel all “lovey-dovey” with you almost every day?

…He is so emotional that he melts like butter. Imagine him being incredibly relaxed and wanting to talk and connect with you all the time.

How would you feel around a man like this?

You may think ‘oh my goodness – I would LOVE if my man would do this!’

Yes, you may – for a couple of days. Eventually, whether you like it or not – you’ll start to lose attraction for him. And you may even be disgusted by him.

In your feminine heart of hearts, you wouldn’t want a man who’s more emotional than you now, would you?

What I am trying to suggest is that a man needs to pull away in order to be the man you are so attracted to. If he didn’t pull away, you’d be much more repelled by him.

(Also, don’t forget that the more time you spend together with a man, the more alike you will become, and the less intense the attraction will be over time. But that’s a topic for another day.)

But what if he’s ghosting me or never wanted to commit to me?

You may be wondering if you should take the advice I’ve given here if you’re being ghosted.

You may also wonder if you should still take my advice if he pulls away for more than two weeks.

The general answer is – no!

Ghosting is very different to a man pulling away.

Here are 3 Reasons Women Usually Get Ghosted Online.

A man ghosting you means there was never any real connection and attraction between you both in the first place.

It means there was never a real relationship.

It could mean that he was love bombing you.

However, a man pulling away is different. When men pull away from the relationship, there usually was some connection to begin with.

If you would like to understand more about how to know if he will be sticking around in your life or not, I recommend you read the article 4 Steps To Stay High Value When He Doesn’t Text Or Call.

The masculine feminine polarity is why you have attraction in the first place.

Although you get scared or confused when he does suddenly pull away, you also get a chance to see that he is, in fact, a real man.

If he wasn’t living in his masculine core, you’d probably lose attraction for him over time.

It’s because you won’t be feeling his masculine energy. It’s because you no longer feel polarized by him and his energy.

So as a result, you may feel like you’re in a relationship with one of your girlfriends! (You don’t want your man to be like one of your girlfriends!)

In fact, the reason you were attracted to a man in the first place was largely to do with the masculine energy he gave out.

His presence, his strength, intelligence, his sense of humor, his potential to be a good provider, etc….this is all happening naturally, sometimes without you being aware of it.

We want to be in a relationship with a man, but when a man acts differently than we do, we get all hurt, confused and worried.

Sometimes, a relationship and emotional bonding can feel like a burden to a man. Note: this doesn’t mean that you are a burden, this means that the emotional bonding in a very committed relationship can feel like a burden to a man.

Even if at the same time, it is really the only thing that gives a man that feeling of being alive (a feeling he cannot get when he is alone, without you).

How interesting!

Here are 2 positive things about when a man pulls away

Instead of seeing your man pull away as a crisis, let’s look at this as an opportunity. Let’s look at what you can gain from these moments…

When your man pulls away from the relationship, you get an incredible opportunity to:

1: Prove your high value as a woman and trigger his attraction for you even more; and

2: Grow as a woman, and appreciate his masculinity.

Because all men want a woman who shows up as high value and all men want a woman who doesn’t judge him for being a man, but rather understands and appreciates his perspective, struggles and fears.

And as he recognises how amazingly different you are to other women, he will be inspired to reciprocate, wanting to understand you and appreciate you.

I have put together some special resources for how to stay high value when he pulls away – just click here. (Link available at end of article too)

So what does your man really want from YOU when he pulls away?

If you’re in a real relationship with a man, then above all else, he wants to feel like you’re not taking your resources or loyalty to another man and that he still has a high value woman when he comes back to you.

(Obviously, if you are dating multiple men and he is dating multiple women, he may not care at all if you take your resources elsewhere!)

Unfortunately, a lot of people frown upon the idea of ‘being there’ when he comes back these days…it’s as if this kind of loyalty is mistakenly seen as a sign of weakness. Well let me tell you, loyalty to the right man is not weakness.

This is not to say that you should act like everything was ok and pretend nothing happened while he pulled away. You should never pretend nothing happened; that’s a lie.

Your needs and emotions are still important.

However, you shouldn’t punish him just because you don’t feel comfortable being authentically vulnerable.

That would just completely break down the communication and the trust between you both. You would be stripping value from the relationship bank.

If a man has given you reason to trust him – if he has ever given him a reason to think that he genuinely wants to get to know you and be with you – there’s no harm in being there still, with a willingness to give your presence.

If a man has never really invested emotionally in you – if you’ve always felt in your gut that he didn’t really ‘belong’ to you emotionally – then being there for him indefinitely would not make sense, don’t you agree?

In that case, you should never wait around.

Don’t be afraid to walk away.

See, if you feel in your gut that he’s just ‘keeping you around’ for sex or for his own convenience, then the last thing you should do it waste your time on him.

However, if you have established trust with this man, and you feel that he has invested in you, the key is to keep your value, and keep adding value to the relationship basket, rather than using your emotions to punish him – which will strip value from your relationship bank!

So…the key is to keep your high value. In spite the confusion or the fear.

How do you do that? You show that you are still loyal to him when you feel fearful – that you can stick around with an open heart, and be open instead of closed off emotionally.

Unfortunately, most women kind of do the opposite…they don’t show that they will be there emotionally for a man.

Instead, they use their emotions as a weapon against him. They treat the man as if he should have understood the wild emotions she was going through while he was ‘away’.

Punishing a man never strengthened a relationship. It makes you show up low value.

It breaks down yours and a man’s confidence in the relationship and ruins his trust in you.

Staying High Value also means to not shut off to your own deep desire for connection – a lot of women push this down and it causes them to shut off, and close off, and this scares a man deep down inside.

How much time do you give him before you walk away?

You may be wondering, when he pulls away, how much time are you supposed to give him?

The answer isn’t so much about calculating how much time you give him.

It’s about feeling into the void that you feel, and getting the feedback and information you need to make a decision about what to do.

If you are a man’s one and only woman (rather than his one of many woman), at some point, it will become very clear to you whether he intends to invest in you and whether he wants to contact you or not.

I would never recommend that you wait around forever. You have your own reproductive timeline that is different to a man’s.

So you need to take care of yourself and look out for your own interests.

Don’t wait around blindly in the hope that he cares (if it turns out that you can indeed feel in your gut that he doesn’t care).

And also don’t be afraid to walk away when it’s clear that he wasn’t committed in any way, or when it’s clear to you that he never intended to invest in you.

Having the ability to walk away is part of being high value as a woman.

So don’t be afraid to walk away.

Just say to yourself “NO!, this is not for me. I’m going to leave now, and take care of myself. I’m going to leave and make space in my life for a man who sees me as his one and only”.

If indeed he isn’t committed to you, don’t despair. It will all be ok. I know it doesn’t feel that way now – but it will all be ok.

There are still at least 1,000 men out there who’d be interested in getting to know you.

Contrasting difference between one and only versus one of many

NEVER Be A Man’s ‘One Of Many’ Woman Again

What you need from now on is the ability and the awareness to make sure that you NEVER get stuck in the category of the ‘one of many’ woman.

Instead, you should always be the one and only to a man. To do that, it’s all about how you show up. I do have a program on that. Feel free to check out ‘Becoming His One and Only Woman: 5 Secrets to Have Him Fall Deeply in Love With You & BEG You To Be His One & Only.’

Don’t Strip Value From The Relationship Bank

Staying high value doesn’t mean to act like you’re all happy when and if he comes back to connecting with you.

Staying high value means that you don’t strip value from the relationship “bank”.

It simply means not disconnecting deliberately, threatening your relationship, cutting him out emotionally or pulling yourself away from the relationship.

You can learn more about staying high value when he pulls away here:

You’re allowed to be angry and hurt. But don’t use it to punish him or yourself. Simply feel the emotions. Appreciate what they are trying to tell you. Appreciate that they are trying to protect you.

Staying High Value also means to not shut off to your own deep desire for connection – a lot of women push this down and it causes them to shut off, and close off, and this scares a man deep down inside.

Pretending we don’t deeply yearn for him only cuts off all the feminine energy we could gift him with.

Remember to always ask yourself – is this adding value to the relationship bank?

Or is this going to strip all the value that I’ve already worked hard to give?

Infographic when he pulls away add value to the relationship bank

When a man pulls away you cannot control him

How DO you show him that you are still loyal and high value?

First, leave him be.

Let him do what he needs to do.

You can be sad, and you can miss him, but don’t act out of fear.

Don’t send him messages asking him if you should “let go” or him or move on. That’s something that you would need to feel out for yourself.

Then…

You must get yourself into an emotionally resourceful place before you do ANYTHING at all.

So to get to an emotionally resourceful place the first thing to do is to breathe and keep breathing, and go to a safe place and let your feelings be felt.

When you’re sure that you feel more empty of your hurricane of feelings, and you’re feeling a little more empty of the ocean of emotions…perhaps it’s time to ask yourself a different question, so you can see all of this from a different perspective.

Where is he at? (Not how do YOU feel about what he’s doing, but where is HE at?)

What is he wanting to achieve in his life?

Out of 10, how invested is he in me emotionally? (be honest here).

Stay open to the answers. Try to understand that whatever he is doing, there is a reason for it, even if you don’t understand it right now.

He does things for his reasons. You do things for your reasons. So try not to jump the gun and assume that he is always intentionally trying to make you suffer.

Some men really are trying to make you suffer, but most men won’t go out of their way to do such a thing to you! They are just looking out for their own interests, just like you are.

Before you ‘let him be’, I want you to remember that the point is not to just leave him and that’s it!

The point is to give him his freedom whilst still loving him and not shutting down or closing off to him.

(Loving him doesn’t mean that you over-commit yourself to him blindly. Love is simply a willingness to be open. You can love a teddy bear, a pot plant, a child who is not your own, etc).

This is not to say that you are not allowed to have feelings – of course you are.

Just be ready to own your feelings even if it means you cry when you see him.

If he is not comfortable with your feelings, that is when you need to be the most comfortable with your own feelings first.

If a man seems to not be able to deal with you feeling your feelings, here’s what you can do…

Tell him it is okay, that you just feel a little sad, and that kind of thing happens from time to time, that he has done nothing wrong, and that all will be okay.

I also need to tell you that you ARE allowed to hate him, miss him, love him, hate yourself, hate all of this, want to give up when he pulls away…all of that.

All of that is simply your feminine vulnerability shining through. Allow it to speak to you. Let it speak to your heart and your soul.

It is okay to experience all of that.

Just take the high road, be a high value woman and choose not to blame him or intentionally want to make him feel bad about himself or the relationship.

That is called stripping value from your relationship bank.

You have to allow yourself to feel everything!

You just have to actually allow yourself to feel everything; and not resist feeling it by criticising him, cutting him off, giving him the silent treatment, or being passive aggressive.

It’s you resisting yourself and resisting him being a man – that will cause more damage than anything else! Because it’s when you resist yourself and you don’t allow yourself to feel, that
all connection and hope is lost.

So what if a man is wanting to invest in you?

What if you guys were or are in a committed relationship?

When and if he does come back to the relationship, receive him openly.

Does that mean pretend nothing happened? Nope.

Does that mean acting happy? Nope.

It means to not be in fear, but to stay connected to him even if he isn’t doing what you want him to do.

It means opening your heart and opening your mind and forming a connection in the moment with him.

This doesn’t make you a woman who is being used by her man. It means you care about him enough to give him his freedom, and at the same time, not withdraw your presence.

If something is truly wrong and he is not the right man for you, you are much more likely to find out when you are open to connecting with him than when you are cutting him off, acting like you don’t need him, or punishing him.

A good way of successfully completing this step is simply to remind yourself to breathe, and breathe through your fear.

If you ever get too stressed out of your mind…

And if all of this stresses you out beyond your ability to cope, then ask yourself:

“Do I really want to be in a relationship with another woman? Or do I want to be in a relationship with a MAN?”

The more you fear his need for freedom, the more I want you to remember that this is your chance to bring you and your man closer, cultivate more emotional attraction and deepen the connection and commitment.

You see, the truth is that if you show up as a high value woman, and you’re happy giving a man his gift of freedom, then he’s going to truly come back to the relationship stronger with more to offer you.

Does that make sense?

Alright – If you want a deeper understanding (…perhaps step by step guidance) on how you can show up as a high value woman when your man pulls away, then I have the perfect thing for you.

CLick here to learn more insights about how to stay high value when your man pulls away…

OK, that’s all from me. As always, I’m sending you all the love from my heart, wherever you are.

I’ll talk to you soon.

P.S. Remember to never make your feelings wrong or push them down. Your feelings are incredibly powerful and they are indeed here to serve you.

It’s really just about having a deeper understanding and deeper appreciation of this situation so that you can use your emotions to serve rather than to sabotage. Continue reading about these here…

P.P.S. Leave me your thoughts, feelings and stories below… sometimes we learn the most from each other’s experiences and stories. So feel free to share your story too!

See other related articles…

More resources on staying high value when he pulls away…
Think casual sex is harmless? Think again.
How to Talk to a Man in a Way that Won’t Make him Pull Away and Go Cold
The Secret Cost for Women When They Have Casual Sex (PART 1)
How to Maintain your High Value when He doesn’t Contact You
5 3 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
711 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
amin
amin

please can you advise my husband has pulled back about 3 months ago and reacted very bad initally but i have been giving him space we talk but very little and things still dont seem normal i have a gut feeling we are in a long distance before i was easily able to get a hold of him but since 3 months its changed we have been together 15 months

Ashley
Ashley

Hi I started talking to a man for about a month and everything was going well. But then he said he got scared and now needs to find out what’s going on inside his head. I think I pushed him away bc before watching this I asked over and over to just tell me if I needed to move on and let go and he never said yes or no. Now what do I do? I wrote him and let him know that if he needs to talk or vent or anything he has my number and can always talk… Read more »

Daddy's Pumpkin
Daddy's Pumpkin

Hi, I know every man and every situation is different and speaking as someone with anxious attachment style and well, anxious everything, really and has been very burned in the past multiple times I would like to know the following. How do I deal with the fact that part of his “man mission” and pulling away to restore his testosterone levels may include the fact that he could be grooming a new person or just plain messing around? Wouldn’t that be the “manly” thing to do? I’m a woman and it’s taking everything in me not to go mess around… Read more »

Martha Luquin
Martha Luquin

Thank you! You are the only article I’ve read thats helped me understand what it means when a man withdraws, and how to be a High Value Woman during their process. I have been tormented by my anxious and fearful thoughts recently, while knowing deep down inside who my man is. And even though my fears feel so overwhelming at times, somehow my gut and intuition rise up and help ease my anxiety. It’s the weirdest thing… I end up feeling this strong sense of understanding, patience, and stronger love for my boyfriend. Another mistake I make is that I… Read more »

Jules
Jules

Hi Renee,
Thank you for writing down your perspective. I was going crazy thinking the worst like he has someone else in his heart or he wanted nothing to do with me. Now I feel a little calmer and hoping when he comes back we can talk things through. Yes waiting does suck but this really helps me to try stay positive. Much love x

anastasia
anastasia

if he pulls away then I will see other men to fill the void, if we reconnect and I’m available emotionally to play his game then great, if I’m not, oh well! , his timing wasn’t good for me and I’ve moved on. Ladies, don’t ever let a man decide on the tempo of the relationship, keep it moving! it’s a lesson for him to not waste a woman’s precious time!

anastasia
anastasia

sure, he can pull away and I will see other men to fill the void, if I’m available and open to reconnecting then great! if not, oh well!

Gardenia
Gardenia

Five Star Article! One of the most insightful ones I’ve ever read!!!

Lori
Lori

I understand men needing space. Not only do I accept it, I understand it too. I think what hurts us is when the person taking space does it so suddenly, with no warning or reason. He just disappears, and you’re left not knowing if this wonderful man that you care for will ever come back. You don’t even know if he’s ALIVE. This isn’t “taking space.” This is called “ghosting,” Taking some space is normal, necessary, and good. Ghosting, however—- that crap is just lame. I think it’s this ghosting trend that is hurting us, woman AND men. Been there,… Read more »

Holly
Holly

The reason people reflexively shut themselves off emotionally is because they’re experiencing pain or trauma. Telling him that “it’s ok” would be a lie. It would be the same as denying the importance and validity of your feelings. Some things hurt no matter what meaning you ascribe to them, because there are certain undeniable elements of legitimate concern. Furthermore, men are already conditioned to dismiss women’s feelings and reactions as over-exaggerations. I’m sure you know how common it is for men to say, “Just leave it to a woman to blow things out of proportion” when she reacts in a… Read more »

Mina Chan
Mina Chan

After he asked a for break, how should you approach the conversation when both of you meet again? Do you leave the talking to the guy despite how the outcome to be? Do we pretend nothing happen? When the guy said said, “He is not sure about long term relationship and asked for a break,” does it mean he will break up? Thank you.

Jennifer
Jennifer

Thank you so very much for sharing this information….My Alpha Male has “taken a step back” from the relationship to “work on himself/Getting himself together”. I had the hardest time not thinking that this was just another way to end the relationship. He didn’t say he was ending the relationship…that’s just the only thing my mind could come up with to explain why he was doing this. I do have a question…I believe my alpha male was also going through some depression when he “took this step back from the relationship”. He says that he’s also getting help (from therapist… Read more »

Sarah
Sarah

This is so helpful, thank you. Like a previous poster, I too am in my first exclusive dating relationship after an emotionally abusive marriage and there are times when I over analyze everything. My guy has never not at least texted me each day and is always very responsive, but there have been one or two times when it feels like there has been a shift. Each time we come back even stronger; we’re in the middle of a phase now where he feels removed but is still very much staying in touch with me. He is also a single… Read more »

Jef
Jef

Can I ask a serious question? I’m in no way trying to be rude, obnoxious, critical, judgemental, offensive or derogatory, so I hope any of your followers or members of your team feel that way. My question is this: You stated that men in general cannot stay emotionally attached to the same person for a substantial amount of time. That they will all pull away at some point. It’s part of their genetic makeup. I know that what I just said is not verbatim but I only paraphrased it. I’ve been with my wife for almost 23 years, married for… Read more »

Kitty
Kitty

I dont recall this ever happening to me in a committed relationship Could it be that if your routine includes a fair amount of space that he will get it a little at a time?

Taylore aka Kim
Taylore aka Kim

I love, love, love this and needed to read this. I know it is synchronistic and I was led to you Renee. I am deeply spiritual and so grateful. This aligns perfectly with how I just handled this situation with someone new in my life and I responded this way for the first time ever. It so resonates with who I have become in honoring myself. And so far he has already responded so positively. Thank you for such wisdom.

Tracy
Tracy

Anon 7 I agree????? no disrespect to the writer but chile yall be husbandless for life if you listen to this… My hubby knew me for 2weeks married me & still going strong 4 yrs later and Never pulled away..ughh ?? I would of kicked him to the curb??

Uyen
Uyen

Beautifully written article… Thank you for giving me so much wisdom and perspective, while at the same time being so kind and loving even through your words. Sending your way gratitude and love.

Christie
Christie

Thank you. This was very helpful for me. First real relationship since my divorce. Very abusive marriage and I tend to over think every change in his behavior.

Daphne
Daphne

My relationship is long distance ( not too far) and complicated but I’m so hurt by his pulling away. I’m staying cool by leaving him alone. What do I do since he hasn’t texted or called in two weeks? I actually live with his mother 4 hours from him. Should I move out? I don’t have a clue . He has gone from being prince charming to backing away after a year and a half. He even asked me to move in with him two months ago ??? I have not tried to contact him. But I’m in love with… Read more »

Send this to a friend