10 Telltale Signs he is a Highly Evolved, Deeply Masculine Alpha Male
OMG, OK, so listen to this. There I was… on a cold winter night in the dodgy end of town. I wouldn’t come to this part of town even during the day, let alone at night, but anyway.
I was there with my husband and two of his guy friends. We were all in our twenties back then, so we were youngish. David had gotten some free tickets to some local kickboxing and MMA fights, and I had never watched fights live before, so I thought I would tag along.
I had no idea what to expect. Obviously being one of the few women in this packed makeshift stadium, I stuck close to David and a couple of friends we had. By the time we arrived, fights had already started and it had already begun to get crowded. We tried to push closer to the action, but there wasn’t a whole lot of space.
And then suddenly we spot this large table that was completely empty. So we moved closer towards it and we realised that it was a reserved table, but it was completely empty as opposed to the other reserved tables around. We thought, since the fights had begun a while ago, we might sit there for now, and wait ’til the people who reserved it came along if they came along at all.
After all, we got a better view of the fights. These are the kinds of silly decisions you sometimes make in your twenties, right? So we were watching the fights, about 10 minutes went by, and suddenly I looked up and saw them walking towards us.
It was a whole bikie gang in their leather vests and they were all tattooed, mean looking, and huge. There was probably 30 of these mountains of flesh walking towards us. Most of them were taller than 6 foot 2 and built like brick walls.
They had these intense faces on, like at any moment they were ready to fight. I guess they call that roid rage, right? As you can probably imagine, I froze in fear. “Oh God…” , I remember thinking to myself.
Before we knew it, the whole gang was at the table towering above us. That’s when all four of us realised who this table belonged to. We managed to hijack the table of the local bikie gang and now we were under some pressure to handle this sticky situation.
As the leader of the gang approached us, I felt our two friends stand up in silence and nervously took a couple of steps backwards. “We should have just kept standing instead of sitting here at this table” , I thought to myself as the tension in the that moment became palpable.
The next thing I knew, my husband David who was my boyfriend at the time, stepped forward and obviously took it upon himself to deal with this potentially disastrous situation.
“Hey guys” he said, as he addressed the whole gang. David’s calm and gentle voice broke the tension and became the ripple of relief that spread through my anxiety-ridden body.
I watched David with a little bit of ambivalence as he looked into the eyes of the leader of the gang. I looked at David, and then at the big guy, looked back at David, and thought to myself, “God help us. I hope this doesn’t break out into an argument, because he looks like he could crush any one of us with just a hand…”
“Oh, is this your table? Sorry guys. There must have been a mistake. Here you go…” David said without a ounce of fear in his voice.
And in that moment, my eyes snapped back towards the gang leader, and I saw that the big man’s eyes softened, and his shoulders relaxed, as he nodded at David. The whole gang of men behind him also relaxed and nodded too.
As the four of us walked away from the table, we looked at each other acknowledging the fact that this situation could have turned out a lot worse. After all, the Australian news and media portrayed this particular bikie gang as a lawless group of criminals.
I suddenly felt so safe that my man had just effectively dealt with the situation and protected us all. He had successfully diffused the situation.
Who knows how it could’ve turned out if he didn’t have the intelligence, fearlessness or courage to deal with this in the way that he did. I always knew the man he was, but that night I felt safer than ever with him.
I realised that not only did my man prove that he wanted to take care of me and his friends, he actually had the intelligence to approach this huge group of men not with fear, but with a sense of calmness and decisiveness that I didn’t have at the time and neither did his friends.
I have come to realise over the years that in this day and age, what makes me feel safe as a woman is not just a man’s size, although size helps us feel protected on the surface. What makes us know we have a masculine, high value, and evolved man is his intelligence.
Intelligence can solve a lot of problems in this day and age that size and ego can’t. Anyone in this day and age can pretend to be an alpha male.
A man can get a loan to buy a nice car, get a bunch of tattoos, walk and talk a certain way to appear like an alpha male. After all, many men want to appear and be alpha because they know that the strongest, fastest, best men get more women.
However, here’s the truth. It’s only in sticky situations that a man’s true colours show up.
A man isn’t going to make you feel safe in the long-term if he doesn’t have the courage and the heart to deal with sticky social situations. Also, here are 5 Simple Signs He Is Not An Alpha Male.
The job of an evolved, deeply masculine alpha male is to be a leader. He cares about his tribe and he has the courage and the emotional fitness to take risks for the sake of not only others, but for the sake of achieving great things.
Now, this article is not here to put down anyone who doesn’t have these evolved ‘signs’. In fact, to evolve is actually a privilege. (Yes, of course, it’s also a choice.)
But think about it like this: A lot of people who are starving for food, who have nothing to eat and who cannot feed their children, don’t have the luxury of focusing on being evolved (although they still could in theory make the choice to be evolved and it’s very possible).
A lot of people stuck under boulders from an earthquake, simply don’t have the privilege or the space to consider evolving or growing, because they have to worry about their survival first.
To be able to evolve means that somehow, you’re not in survival mode, you don’t harbour a pattern of having your defenses up, and you are not stuck in old rules that may not be serving you anymore.
As it turns out, men evolve in their own time, and so do women. So, just because a man or woman doesn’t seem evolved, doesn’t mean we should demand it of them. Our job is not necessarily to judge, if we care about them then it is our job to support them, connect and inspire them.
When we set an example, we give others an opportunity to step into this safe space and to connect with us, or to shun the opportunity and choose their old patterns, toxicity or addictions. When we lead by example, it becomes easier for others to follow it.
So, let’s not approach this topic with fear or judgement. If anything, I should probably do an article one day on the traits of a highly evolved woman. If I’m even qualified to do that, since I’m not exactly the most evolved person on earth! Let me know in the comments if you would like me to do an article on that and if you would find that interesting or valuable.
How many of these signs does a man need to have in order for you to consider him an “evolved” man?
Well, I suggest that if he has three of these, then he’s doing pretty well. Remember that evolving is a choice and it is a gradual process that occurs over time and in moments. And often, as a woman, you being the light and the inspiration in a good man’s life will only help him evolve.
Sign number 1: He can see and appreciate the many layers of truth in a situation
You see, in order to do great things, masculine men generally have to have a well developed capacity to remove themselves from their feelings and be objective, if that’s not already their default state.
Men have an incredible capacity to remain objective, and much more so than most women. And this doesn’t mean they are superior to women, it just means that men are more frequently more removed from life, empty of emotion and more able to see patterns and truth.
If a man needs to serve others, then he must let go of old beliefs in favour of what serves right now, and in favour of the real truth in any situation.
Can you really trust a man who refuses to acknowledge truths from many angles? No. A man like this tends to be constricted and small, and that’s not his fault. It just means he may feel too vulnerable if he lets go of old beliefs and he doesn’t want that kind of vulnerability.
So what is a good example of this? A good example would be a man who considers himself polyamorous and doesn’t believe in monogamy. Maybe he’s grown up with two very unhappily married parents and consequently doesn’t trust monogamy, maybe he sees polyamory as the only way in life, or maybe he’s just selfish and wants to have a harem of women and uses polyamory to justify it.
Whatever it may be, this man is polyamorous and doesn’t believe in monogamy. An evolved man in this situation would be able to appreciate that monogamy can serve in many situations too.
In other words, he is not holding tightly onto old beliefs to feel safe. By the way, here is an article on Why Polyamory Would Never Work Long-term.
A highly evolved man seeks to understand multiple perspectives. The truth is not always easy to find, but he tries to seek it out; he knows that his perspective isn’t the only one.
This capacity to appreciate objectively makes a man more evolved and trustworthy, and allows him to observe the truth from many different layers.
His evolved state might feel like a threat to most women, but I believe most women know and sense deep down that a man like this gives them a deeper sense of freedom, and women trust men like this more, as they simply serve others better.
So, maybe ask yourself: Does he dodge the truth to try to please people? Does he avoid the truth because it’s uncomfortable?
Or does he expose the truth (with integrity and connection to people?) I believe most masculine men know the value of truth.
Sign number 2: He is less focused on short-term gratification; he plays the long game.
A good example of people who think ahead, and play the long game, is chess players. They know that in order to be good at the game, they have to be steps ahead of their opponent.
Also, consider business owners. To run a successful business with integrity, he/she has to consider the future profits of the business, and make these profits sustainable as well as make sure the business actually brings value to the customer long-term.
The question becomes more like how can I be in business in 10 years time as opposed to how do I make a killing today in the easiest way possible whilst postponing the problems until tomorrow?
This is a highly evolved endeavour and you have to think long-term to maintain a successful business, and it takes a lot more resources to build a profitable, long lasting business from scratch than it does for a man to just inherit riches from his family.
Now, let’s say you have a man who is successful at accruing resources, but he’s not so successful at, say, thinking long-term when it comes to food and diet. For example, sometimes he eats a little too much unhealthy food. Does this mean that he is overall weak and all about short-term gratification?
Not really. We’re all allowed some weaknesses. A top businessman can polish off almost a whole Christmas pudding and still be great at playing the long-game. He may not know as much about food as he does about business.
Sometimes men only develop the strength to play the long game in areas where he feels it really matters – like in a competition he really wants to win (chess, business, sport, making money), rather than in areas that he doesn’t connect so closely to his sense of self worth, like his health and his figure.
By the way, my husband wrote a popular article on the 5 Telltale Signs He Has Crippling Low Self Esteem. You might want to give it a read and see if it helps you!
Sign number 3: He is not always defensive or riddled with fear.
In other words, most of his actions and words come from a relaxed body, not from fear and defensiveness. We can’t evolve if we’re always in survival mode, you see.
I think we are all liable to become defensive in certain moments here and there, but what matters is that we don’t live there most of the time.
I don’t think that if someone is defensive in one moment, that they are screwed for life. But I do know of people who are chronically defensive – like you literally cannot say anything to them, or approach them with anything and nor can you trust them with anything, because they just aren’t ready.
In other words, they cannot even be there for themselves, so how are they supposed to be there for others or really add value to others?
This isn’t always their own fault – some people just have so much accumulated trauma that it doesn’t take much for them to shut down. Some people who have experienced a lot of trauma have a very strong and fast stress response when triggered – their stress level goes from 0 to 10 faster than the speed of light.
That’s OK. They can always evolve beyond that, but men like this aren’t always in a position to be an evolved alpha male who serves the people around him.
A man who hasn’t had the privilege of working through past trauma or just hasn’t been able to evolve beyond his own defensiveness or his own fears is not going to make you feel safe.
He’s also not going to have the space for developing depth or rational thought. Not to mention, men who are in fear a lot of the time end up not being very calibrated in social situations. Here are 6 Behaviours You Should Never Tolerate In A Man.
Sign number 4: He is not afraid to cry.
This means that he’s not stuck in old rules about what he has to do to be a man. I think almost every woman would fall for a man who is strong, present, capable and driven, but whom also isn’t afraid to own his feelings, am I right?
A man who can be manly but also cry is evolved because that shows that he’s not holding everything in and building resentment. It shows that he’s accessible, trustworthy and above all, that he’s not only one kind of person all the time.
Of course, if a man is always emotional and doesn’t have any real purpose or personal direction that he is moving towards, then his emotionality will feel off putting. It will feel bad to most women in relationship with a man like this.
But a man with authority and status, who is also unafraid to show and own his feelings would scream relationship value and multidimensionality.
Having said that, many men don’t have a lot of feelings in general, and oftentimes, that’s just because they are men, and not because they are actually pushing down emotions.
Men will be men and are therefore usually more focused on getting things done and solving problems than they are on feeling their own feelings most of the time.
And yet that doesn’t mean that a man shouldn’t have the capacity to access deep emotions like sadness or even appreciation.
A man who is authoritative yet can still feel deeply is just as evolved and masculine as any other, because without the capacity to feel these real feelings, there would be nothing allowing him to connect deeply to others and to serve other people.
A man who has never had to feel deeply has never had to serve deeply. He may serve on a surface level, but it never goes deeper than that.
By the way, there are exactly 7 Signs that A Woman is Perceived As Low Value to Men. Do you know what these signs are, and how to avoid them like the plague? Find out what the 7 signs are here.
Sign number 5: He sees the value of your feelings and intuition (and even better, responds according to those)
A man who is not attuned to others, and is too stuck in himself, will tend to disproportionately value his masculine views of the world and try to devalue the feminine viewpoint, since it’s a different viewpoint from his own and probably also more emotional and therefore not easy to control.
A man who is not putting all his energy into trying to feel worthy, who isn’t trying to be right all the time, will probably be open minded enough to zoom out and respect your point of view as a woman.
He will see that as a man, his view of life and situations will be limited by his own male mindset and viewpoints.
See, many men out there will suppress a woman’s femininity because it feels to him as though she is not as capable or in control as he is, and that can feel wrong in the eyes of the masculine filter.
However, or a woman’s view of the world is highly valuable in a way that a man’s can never be. The feminine side of a woman can bring great insights into a situation as well. And if a man is so oppressive that he doesn’t give you a voice, or allow your more finely feeling nature to bring certain insights into the relationship, then he doesn’t have good intent, and you could potentially be in a seemingly harmless, toxic relationship.
An evolved man will acknowledge that you bring to the table a deeper sensibility for the finer details in terms of relationships, people and social interactions.
Women in general are more inclined to care about not only the relationships they themselves are in, but the relationships of the people around them. So women will feel and sense what’s happening and what’s about to come faster than a man would. (unless of course, she’s over-stressed and overworked, which can drown out her body’s natural gut instinct)
By the way, this sign isn’t meant to be fertile ground to justify an argument about who is more right (the man or the woman), it is more a point that will shed light on how both perspectives brought together can create more value in your relationship.
Also, here are 6 Behaviours You Should Never Tolerate in A Man.
Sign number 6: He is not afraid of challenges
Masculine energy becomes more intense and grows through challenge. A masculine man will literally become more masculine through the challenges thrown at him, provided he’s not seeking silly, pointless challenges all the time.
And that’s what a weaker male will do – he will seek pointless challenges preferentially and run away from the challenges that his ego cannot handle.
An evolved masculine alpha male will value the humility that comes with rising to challenges that he may initially fail miserably at.
He will also choose challenges that build resilience over challenges that make his ego feel good for five minutes.
Here’s the thing: an evolved man is not going to rise to every single challenge, big or small. He also has to be able to pick his battles carefully so as to conserve valuable energy, because energy is finite.
Almost any man will find some challenges worth rising to, and shun others, so just because a man doesn’t want to rise to one challenge doesn’t mean he’s not evolved by any means.
The more evolved a man is, the more he will become good at picking only the challenges worth rising to. What challenges would be worth rising to? The challenges that make him grow, the challenges that are necessary for him to serve his family.
And he won’t be picking such challenges because they’re so easy he knows he could come out on top of them, he’ll be picking these challenges because it’s right, even if they are enormous challenges that seem bigger than him.
Here’s an interesting thing about men and challenges: the men who haven’t experienced enough love and nurturing from their mother or father growing up, the men who haven’t evolved beyond that stage of needing approval and love first, will to no fault of their own, be more stuck searching for that love even though it’s never anywhere to be seen.
It is they’re stuck in that cycle then they’ll be a little less resourceful than men who were raised by emotionally resourceful families.
So, rather than branching out and taking on true responsibility and adult challenges, these men will not feel loved enough, resourceful enough or worthy enough to really choose the challenges that will propel him to grow.
This could be because they’re still looking for mummy or daddy’s love and acceptance.
There’s nothing wrong with this – there’s a lot of us in the world who struggle in adulthood without knowing it because one or both of our parents were never really present for us.
A man who is always picking easy challenges, and cannot grow beyond that is probably not going to be able to lead himself or others very well because he will be more short-sighted and seeking short-term gratification.
What counts as pointless challenges or easy challenges? Well, competing on who can eat the biggest burger every week and feeling like a king for eating the most might be entertaining but it’s not serving others.
Again, an evolved alpha male has value because of how well he can lead, take responsibility, and serve others. How much you can eat isn’t meant to be a life purpose, you see.
Sign number 7: He seeks to contribute to life, rather than take from it.
An evolved alpha male can never remain alpha without the ability to contribute to his tribe and to the people around him.
Evolved men usually don’t get their thrills in life by going around taking from everyone to fill a hole that can never be filled. In fact, alpha males are a resourceful entity within themselves.
Evolved men don’t have a default setting that tells them to seek to extract value from people, because evolved men are more attuned to where people are at, they aren’t reckless, and they’re more sensitive to social cues and consequences.
So how would you know if a man is a perpetual taker or not? Well, men (and women) who see the world as a place to extract value from will simply give you a ‘yucky’ or ‘slimy’ feeling in your gut.
If you check in with your body, rather than being caught up with what a man might give you, you’ll be able to feel the pain and the sense of yuck inside your body when you are dealing with a perpetual taker.
In fact, consider an alpha male’s responsibility to contribute like this: in a pack of wolves, the alpha wolf has to be the one to think for the pack and protect the tribe. He’s not just there for his own ego.
If a rival pack showed up, it’s the alpha wolf’s job to show up and lead the pack.
Many men like to look dominant and intimidating for their own ego and feeling of status, rather than actually having the strength and humility to serve others, and this doesn’t necessarily make him a real contributor or leader.
For example, if a man’s dominance comes purely from using the appearance of his physical size or strength and not from true resourcefulness, then he’s going to feel threatened and triggered a lot.
A man who is triggered a lot or in it just to feel big and tough for himself isn’t going to serve anyone. Not only that, but he will also be superseded by a younger or more intelligent male very easily and quickly.
A man who is looking to just dominate a group for his own feeling of significance is going to lead a very weak tribe, because he only cares about himself.
And what value is physical size really in this day and age? Yes, tall and big is nice, but without intelligence it’s not worth much, and an evolved alpha male is ultimately intelligent and resourceful for his people/tribe.
I’m sure you’ve noticed that men who rely purely on physical size to feel successful, strong and alpha aren’t very deep, or evolved, are they? They may have the strength, but lack the intelligence.
So, this isn’t me judging macho men. After all, I’m a woman and so I can appreciate big strong men and I think they are great, but if that’s all he is, then he’s not that valuable to anybody long-term.
Sign number 8: He tries to open you by adding value, not through blind force
We as women have to keep our sexual resources and our emotions somewhat concealed. In other words, we need to be opened.
Most women aren’t just going to say ‘yes!’ to an offer of sex from a stranger on the street (in contrast, research has shown that many men do say yes to offers like that from strangers on the street).
So when we reveal ourselves, when we get turned on and let a man in sexually, it should be a gradual process, and most good, evolved men would respect that and be attuned to that, rather than trying to blindly force a woman into sex. In fact, rape is usually but not always a tool used by low value, low status men. It’s not a tool that high value, evolved men use to get sex.
So rather than resenting women their whole lives, or resenting other men for getting women while he doesn’t, an evolved, masculine alpha male will look to become more valuable overall as a man, and therefore be able to have the skills to open women and make them trust him.
Some examples of ways men will add value in trying to open you:
- He uses humour/he makes you laugh
- He gives you his presence
- He cares about how you feel and wants you to feel comfortable
Some examples of low value methods men use to try to get sex:
- He calls you frigid just because you don’t want to have sex with him
- He puts you down, stealing from your self esteem so that you feel smaller. The smaller you feel, the more you are able to be controlled.
- He criticises you rather than connecting or trying to understand.
By the way, here’s an article I wrote on the 7 Burning Signs A Man is Being Low Value.
Sign number 9: He connects to the soul in others
To influence anybody deeply, an alpha male would have to really connect to the soul of other men around him. He would have to inspire – and to do that, he has to reach deeply into someone and speak to who they are beneath all the surface small talk.
Obviously, speaking to the souls of people is not something you want to do all the time, because it’s not always appropriate, but if a man has the best intent to positively impact others and lead others, he would need to have the ability to connect soul-to-soul.
When a man or woman cares to connect to the soul of the people they care about, it’s a sign that they are not just in it for themselves. When a man can care in this way, he has a whole lot more power in a tribe, and with his woman.
This power may not be physical strength or good looks, but it’s a spiritual power, intangible yet meaningful.
A lot of us in this modern world feel like be have to craft a good image for ourselves. When we spend our life doing this, we don’t have time for real connection. A man is not going to evolve and appreciate others beyond what they can do for him if he cannot reach outside of himself into other’s souls.
You see, it’s not about proving anything to anyone, instead it’s about what’s real.
It’s not about the image. It’s about the quality of connections you have in your life.
It’s not about me, it’s about we.
It’s not about my fears, it’s about connecting to each other’s soul. And any evolved, masculine alpha male would be able to appreciate this.
Sign number 10: He is not too stuck in one identity all the time – he is multidimensional.
This means that he doesn’t think he can be one person all of the time and expect that one identity and personality to serve in every occasion.
For example, is the gentle nice guy personality always what will provide a hot sex life?
Well, no. In fact, a primitive, dominant caveman might work very well at serving that part of a woman who really wants to be opened in to total ecstasy by a dominant man.
A gentleman is just not going to be able to provide that much juice in this scenario.
I really learned about multidimensionality from my husband, David (I adore him so much).
When we first got together many years ago, I thought that being nice was important for almost all scenarios. I learned that that’s just not the case.
Everything is contextual. Take for example someone who is being an idiot and treating a man disrespectfully for no reason. Should he continue being nice and expect that person to be nice in return? Not necessarily.
That would be silly, un-attuned and a slap in the face to himself. We can simply not expect that being kind and “spiritual” will work to get through to everyone in every context, because that’s one-dimensional.
This doesn’t mean that he should get wildly angry and punch everybody in the face, it just means that he respects his own anger enough to use the anger wisely as a resource to get through a bad situation.
For example, let’s say that one day you somehow come across a criminal or prisoner. You are a well educated, upper class individual, encountering an aggressive, repeat offender who is spending a large chunk of his life in prison.
Let’s say that hypothetically, you have to get through to this prisoner and get him to see something from a new perspective.
How can you deal with this new situation, or connect with a prisoner who has perhaps grown up in terrible conditions, perhaps been abandoned by the people who were supposed to love him?
Like many people in prison, they’ve been raised in troublesome circumstances and gone on to be a thief or a bully their whole life. How can you add value to, or deal with this person who is entirely different to you?
The answer is you can’t do it by doing what you think should be right in you head. You have to be multi-dimensional. You have to be able to access the darker sides of you in order to effectively deal with this person.
It’s completely deluded to think that one gentle, kind and spiritual part of us can effectively solve every problem in the same way.
“Kill them with kindness” just doesn’t work in real life. It may work in la-la land, but not on planet earth. Ok, maybe kill them with kindness is valuable in certain contexts, but it’s not effective for every context.
All of us have to have the multidimensionality to meet people where they are at first, if what we really want is to be resourceful and to deal with all the problems that we have in life, in a resourceful way.
An alpha male, a man who is evolved and masculine, has extremely good social skills (social skills are a sign of intelligence, too) and he is accomplished at being resourceful in some difficult social circumstances, making the women around him feel safe, protected and free to be women!
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how skilled and well developed a man is in one particular character or personality within himself. It’s not valuable to be the bad boy all the time any more than it is valuable to be the nice guy all the time.
By the way, if you want to learn how to get a man to beg you to be his one and only woman, I’ve just published my dvd “Becoming His One & Only: 5 Secrets to have him fall madly in love with you and BEG you to be his one and only.” Best of all, the dvd is free right now. Go and get your copy here: www.bhoodvd.com. (There’s also an online version if you don’t have a dvd player!)
That concludes the 10 telltale signs you’ve picked a highly evolved, deeply masculine alpha male. As I mentioned earlier, if a man has 3 of these signs, then he’s doing pretty well. A man does not need to have all 10 of these signs to be a highly evolved, deeply masculine alpha male.
Which of these signs did your ex have or lack? Which of these traits do you wish to see more of in men?
Let me know if you can add to this list of signs. I’m sure you’ve encountered some signs that a man is evolved that I have missed!
P.S. Connect with me on social media
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