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How does one show vulnerability without crossing over into needy territory?
I’m not meaning to be flippant, but the short answer to that question is BE vulnerable.
Let me share an example with you.
Imagine a homeless man. He’s all alone in the street, without food, water, shelter and human companionship. He sleeps on the park bench during freezing winter nights and his mental health is all but ruined.
Imagine him feeling the plight of his situation. He sinks into a despair so great that he cannot hold back his emotion. So he starts to really feel his sorrow and pain. He surrenders to the aches in his joints and the anguish in his heart.
You walk past and you see the tears falling from his face. You see his back and forth rocking, his arms cradling himself in a futile attempt to get warm.
This is a man in full grieving.
Contrast this emotional, vulnerable response with a mental picture in your mind of the same homeless man just begging for money on the street.
In the first example, this homeless man is completely vulnerable. He’s just feeling no matter what anyone says or thinks of him.
In the second example, he’s taking value.
Both of these responses are due to the same cause – his plight. However, these two reactions feel different to the people around him.
When he was feeling, was he needy?
No. perhaps the odd person here and there might label him needy, but the essence of what he is doing is not needy. He’s just feeling.
His second response however, would indeed come across more needy.
Now I would like to use the example of a woman in a fairly new relationship with her boyfriend. They’ve been together for around 3-9 months.
One day, this woman starts to feel frustrated that her boyfriend isn’t spending that much time with her. She’s feeling lonely and wants his company, but he seems too busy with work, family and friends.
She’s getting to a point where her emotions are about to burst.
As an outlet, and as a way to be heard, she sends 25 abusive text messages to her boyfriend.
“Why haven’t you called??!”
“Don’t you GET it? I have needs too!”
That’s one way that she can try to feel. It’s not a good way, but at least she gets a little bit of her frustration out.
Now let’s imagine that instead of sending 25 abusive text messages, this woman gets a pen and a notepad, and writes a letter to her boyfriend.
“I was just thinking of the time we went for that walk along the beach while the sun set. I live for moments like that!”
“I also thought about that time we went to the circus and spent the evening together. Gosh, I miss you SO much.”
Does this cross over into ‘needy’ territory?
No. In fact, if she writes a letter to him, later on if she feels like she blamed him or wrote things that would only cause damage, she has the choice to throw that letter away.
Consider if this woman was to simply feel. Perhaps she doesn’t prefer to write a letter right now, but she’s bursting at the seams with anger.
So, she surrenders, just like the homeless man, and she feels it.
Would that come across differently to when she sent the 25 abusive text messages?
Sure, she might be alone when she feels (and she also might not). But the very act of feeling allows the emotion a time and place.
This leads her towards a healthier way to manage and deal with her own emotions. It allows the emotion an outlet without abusing her boyfriend.
You see, the damage done by neediness is not done because we had feelings.
The damage done by neediness is done when we are too scared or even too lazy, to feel.
Of course, not all neediness is abusive or ultimately even damaging.
We are all needy at times. That’s ok inside of a healthy relationship between two invested people.
It’s the ‘neediness’ that borders on abuse that becomes toxic.
But let’s try our best to take responsibility for being there for ourselves before we take it out on men, because remember, just because we are women and we are emotional, doesn’t give us the right to let it out in an abusive way.
Let’s take responsibility for feeling, before it all becomes too much that the pipes in the sewer burst, and you know what splatters all over someone that doesn’t deserve it.
Finally, have you ever wondered if there’s one specific thing, an emotional hot button, that when triggered inside a man, makes him want to commit to ONE woman, take care of her, worship her and only her? If you would like to find out what this special hot button inside of every single man on earth is, you can find out here.
I also have an article on 4 Top secret Ways to Access Your High Value Vulnerability and a very special and much loved video by my husband on this same topic.
(By the way – YES, it’s ok to be fully vulnerable. Don’t let other people’s opinions of you get in the way of you doing you. Ok?)
P.S. Connect with me on social media
Our new Facebook Group is here… Join the “High Value Feminine Women” Community using this link
- Here’s my Youtube Channel The Feminine Woman.
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P.P.S. Here are 7 Common Signs A Woman is Low Value in the Eyes of Men.