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Article updated 2018

The word you use to describe another person’s actions is everything.

I believe that the words you use, make you do amazing things in your life or terrible things. Because the words you use reflect the intent you infer upon others. In other words, you could be assuming hostile intent in a man when most humans truly have positive intent (at the very least, positive intent to make themselves feel a certain way). And of course, the words you use reflect the meaning you place on things. And that meaning could be ruining your relationships or inspiring them to fill up with more trust and freedom!

This is why I don’t like the word ‘excuses’.

If you say a man is making ‘excuses’ here is the big fat lie you’re really telling yourself:

– This man has an obligation to me. (No man really does, we just try to make them feel obligated as a last resort to get what we want.. No human has an obligation to you unless you want to write a legal document to trap people to your side.)

– This man is lazy.

– I KNOW why this man isn’t committing. (Not really. Usually, women don’t understand why a man isn’t committing, and nor do they care to show the man that they are willing to appreciate and understand his fear of commitment.) So, most women don’t really know why a man isn’t committing until they try to understand men. And that takes a lot of emotional discomfort, mental discomfort and vulnerability and willingness to drop your own defences. Until you work so hard to understand men that your spine shivers with resistance and fear whilst doing so, you don’t understand him. You only know what is familiar to you, which is your own worldview for the past however many decades you’ve been alive. 

– I am entitled to a commitment (mostly not true. I don’t believe any woman, including me, is ‘entitled’ to a commitment unless she’s willing to be vulnerable and stop blaming and to stop guarding herself from hurt as if it’s going to help anyone. Just as I don’t believe any man deserves an open woman, or good sex or respect unless he is willing to push through his own fears even when he feels like he has nothing left.)

So let’s consider that perhaps there’s a better meaning than ‘men make excuses.’ Generally, in any situation where there’s some kind of a connection with you, the truth is that they want to be understood for who they are, and they need something to inspire them to commit to you. Something beyond obligatory rhetoric.

(Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

As a woman, it’s very easy to stamp our feet and expect a commitment just because WE want a committed relationship.

But for most men, more commitment to you, means a lot more vulnerability on their part. Not just yours. Men have to be, do, achieve and risk a lot to commit to you – even if they truly love you.

Think of it as you helping a man commit to you by meeting him where he is at

So we have to kind of meet a man where he is at. Verbalise and voice his feelings about commitment. This will inspire him to trust you.

For example. You can say things like:

“Yes, I understand if you think that marriage and commitment isn’t very appealing in this day and age, even though I believe in marriage myself.”

“I know you work very hard for your money. I admire the hard work you put in every day, and I would never take advantage of what you’ve worked that hard for.”

This helps you speak his language, and reach him emotionally. By showing him you’re willing to understand and feel what he feels! This isn’t manipulation, it’s giving. It’s simply a gift, of meeting him where he’s at so that you hopefully can also help him see that you won’t be taking advantage of him, in fact, you truly want to connect with HIM.

Just like… you cannot talk sense to a baby. All they will do is cry back at you. That is their only language. Crying.

You can’t ‘talk’ a man in to committing, or ‘oblige’ a man in to committing. Unless he’s got no other options, or is a very scared and unstable man.

Ultimately, what you need to be willing to do is be vulnerable.

And what does willing to be vulnerable mean?

It means feeling, regardless of the way he responds. (not verbally bashing or unloading old resentment on him).

If you’re vulnerable, you’re vulnerable. True vulnerability exists. That’s it. It exists. It’s just is. It stays until it’s fully felt and taken care of. Anything else CAN feel like manipulation to a man. And many women have used tears kind of like a manipulation – just to force more resources out of a man.

You don’t serve other people by not showing your vulnerabilities

We think we’re serving ourselves and serving other people by closing down and hiding our vulnerabilities. But we aren’t. We are least of all serving ourselves because when we aren’t vulnerable, we attract people who don’t love us for who we really are. The more masks you wear, the weaker the man you attract.

And the weaker the man you attract, the weaker the “commitment” he gives you, even if he gives you a ring, and even if he legally marries you.

Commitment is more than marriage. Commitment is an ongoing, daily willingness to spend his emotional, physical, financial and mental resources on you.

And like anything in life, if spending any of these resources on you is terribly unrewarding, he will go elsewhere. And you’ll be back at square one.

Remember, it’s OK to be vulnerable.

That’s what I’m suggesting you allow yourself to do. I don’t think it’s wise to be vulnerable to everyone. You can’t do it with everyone, you can test people to see if they will handle it or not.

And by vulnerable, I mean remove all the protective layers you’ve put up to ‘show’ the world who you are. I mean get to the the layers beneath the mask, the layer beneath the layer, and the next layer beneath that layer, and remove the next layer, and then remove THAT layer as well….until all there is, just you, lying there, so vulnerable that you feel like a part of you is dying (because that’s kind of what is happening when you remove masks and become vulnerable. You lose a part of your image or identity and reveal the real you).

Many men need that vulnerability in order to connect to a woman and be bonded to her.

And you don’t have to be that all the time.

It’s just a part of you you might want to allow to surface. Remember there are different parts of you – including the so called “masculine” parts, and all parts are ok. That is the reason your vulnerable part is ok. Because no part of you is wrong. If you’re abusing people; that’s wrong.

If you’re blessed, you might be able to hint at vulnerability to a man and he will get it. This is exceedingly rare, from what I know of men. Most men I have heard of (through working with their women) need serious visual and emotional embodiment of vulnerability in you before they “get”, in their heads that there is vulnerability here, and that he is needed.

(There Are Exactly 7 Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to Men. Do You Know What They Are? (& How to Avoid Them Like the Plague)? Click here to find out right now…)

Be willing to express….NOT Abuse

Sometimes they cannot tell the difference between tears from crying. So you need to be really willing to express and embody your emotion.

Again, not abuse. Don’t abuse a man with blaming words, if you can help it! I don’t think abuse usually serves anyone, do you?

Your vulnerability is not abuse. But blaming others is abuse. And being passive aggressive after many years of closing off to the world is abusive. It’s OK….we have all done this. I promise you that we have all abused someone before – usually those closest to us. And you have also been on the end of someone else abusing you. But it’s good to end the cycle, by starting with yourself.

Then, he gets to be your hero.

But to attract your hero, you have to the heroine – courageous enough to be vulnerable.

Vulnerability is courage.

The mask isn’t. The mask is easy. It’s what you’ve always done to survive. Now is the time to be ready to do things differently.

I’ll admit, this is hard.

It’s so hard because when you feel vulnerable is not necessarily when men actually SEE you as vulnerable (and therefore respond in the correct way), because most men need an obvious call for help, or an obvious sign of vulnerability before they will associate YOU with vulnerability. Take for example this scene in Crash. I cry every time I watch this because it is accurately reflecting what is true in real life of men and women: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1yXXGXhdkg

David (my husband) and I teach how to show High Value vulnerability in version 2.0 of Commitment Control, coming out very soon. Click here to register and watch the Commitment Masterclass for free.

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

Please leave a comment below, and share a past memory of vulnerability you have shown or NOT shown, and let us know what happened. I’d appreciate it deeply. 

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P.S. Connect with me on social media.

 

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ChristineGwendoline ChangTanya Rachel WieczorekGinaRIRI Recent comment authors
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Christine
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Christine

4+ years ago a military man back from his 5th deployment caught my eye and asked me out. The day before our first date I went with a social group to a museum, an almost 2 hour drive from my home. Being unfamiliar w/the area and not knowing anyone well, I parked in front of an apt building and did not see the “No Parking After 5pm” sign. We returned around 5:45 pm and my car was gone. Most everyone had already left eager to beat Friday night traffic. My car was impounded by the city until the next morning.… Read more »

RIRI
Guest
RIRI

Its nice to know that I’m not the only woman that feels alien around the male species. Why are they so complicated Me and my boyfriend have been on and off dating for 4 years I am a working single mother. That works weak ends. Holidays. Working most of my time. But my boyfriend get. More days off then me. Yet when we together He’s almost always to drained. To spend time with me. Even on he’s off days. It hurts. I would be the one always making time. Always go visit him. Always understanding .and when I tray talking… Read more »

Gina
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Gina

stop complaining and be alone

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Guest
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

Sounds like he’s got a ‘little boy mentality’, not like he wants to step up & be the man for you. Hope your situation has improved.

Christine
Guest
Christine

Why are you with him? I’m not trying to be snide, just wondering what it is You get out of the relationship. Seems like he gets you to comfort him, help him relax but what for you? As a single mom w/2 children I get the exhaustion thing. The sexiest thing I’ve seen in a long time is the stack of folded laundry, the shining rack of washed dishes, the sparkling floors and the fresh pizza box and cold soda on the kitchen table w/my kids and my Significant Other waiting for me. My ex-husband never did that, even after… Read more »

Julie
Guest
Julie

So is telling him what he did to hurt me blaming or vulnerability? And how do I turn it from blaming into vulnerability? I don’t know if I should just let it go or what. I just don’t know what to do..

Gina
Guest
Gina

let it go

With love
Guest
With love

Oh, this makes perfect sense and really enlightening. Even though I’ve already read it a few times before, it’s nice to read it from different mindsets for growing daily. I think my problem is not expecting anything off anyone, so maybe this has always happened in my life as a positve pole sense. Well, I know that jumping in a car and crashing it isn’t the best idea to getting the help with vulnerability, so removing the masks and showing up vulnerable in that way seems much better 🙂 Renee, and team, I love how it’s put across that even… Read more »

Adele
Guest
Adele

Renee I really love a lot of these articles, but I am a bit frustrated with all the emphasis on relationships for women in the media. There seems to be this consensus that a single woman is a failure. Personally I think that sometimes we need to be alone and conquer our own issues and inner demons before bringing another human into the mix. I’ve had this idea for awhile that I want to be emotionally and spiritually healthy as a single woman, and not rush into a relationship just to have someone. I gravitate towards your personal development articles… Read more »

Adele
Guest
Adele

Also I tend to believe that sometimes a man just isn’t right for you….or it’s just the wrong time in your life. I dated a guy several years ago who dumped me and broke my heart and even told someone that I wasn’t wife material. About six months later I met a great guy and we hit it off right away. He saw the best in me when the other man didn’t. My point is, everyone is not a match, so I don’t think women should beat themselves up over one man not wanting to commit. Maybe he is not… Read more »

Alex
Guest
Alex

I remember going thru anorexia for months. I was stressed out with my LD relationship, my school, my family, my job, my whole world was crashing down. I wore so many masks so no one would know what I was going thru. Anorexia was one thing I went thru to “gain control” of something in my life. Food. i thought i was going to lose my bf to another woman while he and I were LD. i wanted to die. And i stopped eating even more. Until the end of my spring semester, he decided to come see me and… Read more »

colleen
Guest
colleen

How would you react to this? A man sent me this after seeing me for 8 months. Hi, sorry I haven’t got back to you sooner things have been crazy around here with work and this weather. I have been doing a lot of time just trying to think things over and just need time to sort things over and my plans with my kids and having them meet someone I ‘m not sure what I want to do and I think your a great person but just need to figure things out before I really get involved in a… Read more »

Gina
Guest
Gina

i dont see what the problem is

Gloria
Guest
Gloria

blogster, I forget to comment one more thing
while men may seek your body, you want him to commit his financial, physical, emotional and time resources to you. Can you see the value exchange?

you are telling by this that man even if he is in relationship wants nothing but her body(sex). And yet you are talking about women be unfair with men. yeah, right! at least we look at you as a valueable beings, not just pretty creatures for fun and nothing more.

blogster
Guest
blogster

Gloria, the core needs or desires required to enter into a relationship are as follows – for a man steady, good sex, nurturing and support from the woman is required. A woman requires far more before she deems a man acceptable – looks, social status, career, financial and emotional resources, strength etc. You argue that women look at men as valuable human beings. In reality most women do not admire men for their own sake, but rather how they benefit the woman. Most men have learned this the hard way. You only need to look at blogs on the net… Read more »

Mona
Guest
Mona

Blogster, You seem bitter. Loosen up, pursue your career and hobbies, be positive, enjoy life, and everything will fall into place. Having a negative attitude about an entire group of people, i.e. in this case the opposite sex, is unattractive, for both men and women. I sense that you feel deep down that you are lacking something to attract a good woman, and blame women for being too superficial or materialistic or whatever. Be comfortable within yourself, appreciate your strengths, work on the weaknesses you can change and accept those you can’t, have faith that you WILL meet her one… Read more »

blogster
Guest
blogster

LOL. Pointing out a reality that women at this site don’t want to hear doesn’t make me bitter. Nor does it prove the point I make wrong. Making realistic observations, based on years of life and experience doesn’t make me bitter it just makes me realistic and prudent. I am actually happy in a relationship and the reason I am is because my woman has inspired me to. She is gentle, feminine, lets me lead and allows herself to support. She makes the same money as me BTW. She provides value in the relationship. We had difficulties originally but when… Read more »

Abi Jaiy
Guest

Youre right most of women wont listen. Thats why Im listeningto get my ef boyfriend back. And I will get him back I just know

Mona
Guest
Mona

I was never more happy to get it wrong. I am glad for you. After all I agreed with you and I still do. All I did was to suggest that sometimes men have a pattern for falling for the wrong women, just as women falling for the wrong men. That doesn’t negate anything you said, and it doesn’t mean that I don’t agree that most women have a lot to learn about men and relationships, but you can either pick a woman who is willing to learn or one who isn’t. You started attacking me disproportionately. Anyway, never mind.

Gwendoline Chang
Guest
Gwendoline Chang

Omg… Mona, you unjustifiably attacked blogster first by making a lot of negative assumptions about him, and then you gave him unsolicited advice based on those assumptions.
I’m a woman, and I often find women unreasonable, demanding, and unappreciative in relationships – that is just my opinion based on my personal interactions with my female friends.

I felt that you took it to the next level by making obviously false and inapplicable counter arguments.

Holly
Guest
Holly

Aww, thanks, this is so helpful to listen from a man point of veiw, I got a’lot from this!

Never would I have thought men thinking anything along these lines, but of course, if a man is saying this is how men feel then I shall believe 🙂

Your sure are right! I couldn’t imagine my life without The Feminine woman blog on my life path :-), it’s a saving grace and helped to make me a better person.

Meimi
Guest
Meimi

Hi Renee, your work is truly amazing! I love all your blog posts and feel inspired by them. They make a lot of impact. 🙂 I especially felt inspired by this one, but now I have a big problem which makes me doubt if vulnerability is always a good thing in a relationship: My boyfriend is self-employed and starting a business, all on his own. Ever since we’ve been together he didn’t have a lot of time for me, but over time it has gotten less and less. I’m lucky if I even see him once a week! He always… Read more »

Anna
Guest
Anna

Hey Meimi, had to respond to your note because I’ve been there before. It’s painful!! And he used to feel so bad inviting me over because he said I’d be so nice that he felt guilty he couldn’t spend more time with me so that made him want invite me out less. It even made him scared to be in a relationship with me. He said I deserved better. But now he’s addicted to spending time with me and he gives me a lot of attention. It was surprising but here’s what I did. I did show my vulnerability and… Read more »

Meimi
Guest
Meimi

Thanks so much Anna! Your response gives me hope. I’m happy for you, the change you inspired in him sounds like such a miracle! Making him feel that he actually CAN make me happy is probably the most important thing and I fail at it so often. I’ve talked to my boyfriend a few days ago, showed him my vulnerability and expressed to him how I felt. I tried my best and partially succeeded (he understood me and was very willing to talk), but unfortunately, I also made him feel blamed. We clarified many things and I found out that… Read more »

Anna
Guest
Anna

Hi again Meimi. Good to hear you made some progress communicating with him. Sometimes, it takes a while to figure out how to communicate with a guy without making him feel blamed. I used to make my man feel blamed whenever I told him of something that needs to change. Now, we don’t really make each other feel blamed. I figure out the way to tell him… for example, I learned that he’s a very logical guy, so if I phrase my complaint as a critique to make him better, he usually takes it right away! I was shocked at… Read more »

Anna
Guest
Anna

Sure.

practicalh
Guest

Great article. So many women try to appear all too tough and all too independent. Some even thing that men find it attractive. A woman who can be sweet, who is not eager to impress how almighty she is, and who can show vulnerability is a rare jam these days, and there are surely men out there who appreciate one, on those rare occasions when they run into one.

Holly
Guest
Holly

Thankyou for providing me with the insight from a mans perspective.

I shall keep this in mind 🙂

Loretta
Guest
Loretta

Hi Renee, Thank you for all of your insight about men and relationships.Through one of your articles, I am learning what it means to be vulnerable; and I am trying to apply it. But I have had so many layers on for so many years that it seems like very hard work for me to take them off. And I have become frustrated very quickly. I guess its frustrating because if my guy doesn’t respond immediately, then I begin to think that maybe its not working. But I have to remind myself that these are things that I must continue… Read more »

LC
Guest
LC

I think we’re forgetting that men do what they want. I have never been more vulnerable than when I broke my neck, jaw, and ribcage in a parachuting accident. Did this make my now ex-husband love me? Not at all. This is considered “low value vulnerability,” I guess. Ladies, stop blaming yourselves for how mean most men are in this life. They want what they want when they want it. They “trade us in for new models” (my ex’s favorite saying). They leave us with babies, broken necks, and nothing but emptiness in our hearts, and then we read dating… Read more »

Abi Jaiy
Guest

Wow your experience seem bad… Thats why I refuse to have sex I dont want to give my soul to someone who could leave tomorrow. In my opinion true love Waaaits!

Harini
Guest
Harini

Thanks for sharing your experience. Sorry to hear about the pain you went through. I am in the moving on phase and needed to read just one paragraph that makes sense. Most articles seems to suggest what I should do differently in the next relationship.

Maddy
Guest
Maddy

Thanks Renee for your amazing articles, I find my self on here whenever I dont know what to do with a man. I have a question to ask you or anyone that can help me…. Just wondering, what if you have been trying to inspire him to commit for over 6 months? Ive been doing everything this article says, i have fun when i am with him, he takes me out, ive met most of his friend and family. But he still wont commit. He had a bad break up with his ex girlfriend and told me a long time… Read more »

Anna C
Guest
Anna C

Maddy, Although I respect what you are saying and can identify with it, I laugh because you say that you’ve been inspiring your man to commit for 6 months… I’ve been inspiring my man to commit for almost 3 years! LOL. Well, there was some forcing there in those 3 years & a lot of learning from mistakes, my bad 🙂 I think that doing what these articles say is good, but your end result shouldn’t be “commitment” because what that means is that you are doing something to get something. So in effect, your subconscious is showing that you… Read more »

Gloria
Guest
Gloria

or maybe he just don’t care. I don’t mean don’t care at all, but not as much as you do! “in his own way” haha right… you girls are just fooling yourself.

Anna
Guest
Anna

One other thing I would like to add is that issuing an ultimatum is a tactic to get him to commit by force. And like Renee says you can either inspire him or force him to commit. The force method might work, but it won’t be as satisfying. He’ll have to realise it himself. It’s like the difference between being forced to work at a job because you need the money (ultimatum – he doesn’t want to lose you), or choosing to work at a job because you love it so much and even if it paid nothing, you would… Read more »

Maddy
Guest
Maddy

Hi Anna Thank you so much for your reply!makes me see things much clearer 🙂

Gloria
Guest
Gloria

you are giving advice to her, saying he’ll commit if he feels it is his choice, and not forcing… but yet admit you don’t have commitment from your boyfriend, neither?

Anna
Guest
Anna

I do have commitment from my man. I have a love like what is described in The Notebook actually. I see that as commitment.

blogster
Guest
blogster

You have to understand a couple of things. Firstly, women generally don’t have to face rejection too often in relationships and dating. Men must initiate, women choose. You can talk about men ‘never calling back’ after dates, but overall men get the overwhelming majority of upfront initial rejections, no responses to initial calls, flaking on initial dates, never hearing back after several dates, being lead on for attention etc. The woman gets validation, attention and ego boost (not to mention, drinks, meals etc from dates in most cases) and has to do little in return but make encouraging sounds. Talk… Read more »

Holly
Guest
Holly

I know, I can understand this, hearing you speak reminds me of the farther of my child. He said similar to what you have mentioned. I know life can be tough, and every living being needs understanding, no matter how big, small, young, old, clever a person is. We all have our own complex inner psychology going on in our minds. I love one of the pictures posted on Renee’s feminine woman Facebook page, not to spoil the end but everythings going to be ok. 🙂 Being hypersensitive, it has taken many, many painful life experiences to rise above the… Read more »

blogster
Guest
blogster

“He said similar to what you have mentioned. I know life can be tough, and every living being needs understanding, no matter how big, small, young, old, clever a person is. We all have our own complex inner psychology going on in our minds. I love one of the pictures posted on Renee’s feminine woman Facebook page, not to spoil the end but everythings going to be ok. ” Honestly, are you listening to yourself? You are not even empathising – you are merely using it as a launching pad to talk about your own inner turmoil. Another example of… Read more »

Mona
Guest
Mona

I do emphasize with the difficulties men have, and the injustices, could it be that one reason that men get so many rejections is that they go after a certain type of women with a certain type of behaviour? I agree with Renee that attraction is very important, but I believe there are plenty of good women who don’t get chances because they are not stunners at first sight.

blogster
Guest
blogster

Mona, men learn very quickly where they fall in the dating pecking order. Unfortunately your comment shows no actual empathy for men. Rather you seek to shift the responsibiltiy for this onto men. Are you listening to yourself? You are illustrating a very real reason why men choose not to commit – absolutely no empathy for their position in the world, but expecting it in return.

Gloria
Guest
Gloria

Hm, you claim women are in better position when it comes to relationship, but I strooongly desagree with you. Women are the one who care and will wlways care more, and pursue relationship, and want to bound intimacy between her and her man. You are right when you say men iniciate first contacts, pay for drinks and meals…but why should I be thankful and happy with them doing that when they do I just for SEX? you yourself said that in your comment! “Secondly, men have a lot to lose from commitment. Men by nature are not driven to seek… Read more »

Gloria
Guest
Gloria

do it*,not do I haha

blogster
Guest
blogster

You are clearly misreading my post and distorting it to suit the opinion you already have in your mind. You demonstrate why men get so frustrated and refused to commit – you simply cannot see beyond your own viewpoint and needs. Gloria women are quite happy to string men along – not all but a significant number – enough to burn men. Its why women refuse to make the first move – it gives them power to do this. “And this fact hurts me the most. You obviously don’t understand women are real losers here. You think we are happy… Read more »

Pete Sapper
Guest

Ladies – Don’t buy into the lie that men are ‘afraid to commit’.

Even the most hardcore ‘player’ you know has fallen in crazy love with a woman (or 5) before, and will again in the future. Unfortunately for most of us, it’s almost always been the wrong woman.

What we’re really afraid of is committing ourselves to the wrong woman again.

Great article, Renee.

Holly
Guest
Holly

Hello Renee again I’ve just been reading something interesting but I won’t be able to articulate it probably as I just briefly skimmed the information. I see slightly now were I’m going wrong, at least something just clicked in my mind and common sense was telling oh…. Basically I just read that people can sense people who aren’t been authentic, something along the lines of I can’t remember what exactly, maybe it’s to do with body language and mirror neurons perhaps. But, even after skimming the information briefly, I realized, I spent my whole life holding in and bottling my… Read more »

Jennifer
Guest

I do enjoy reading the comments and responses – they reflect thought and a genuine desire to explore a range of issues. I am honestly though, completely over the need or the perceived necessity to be the one who inspires a person to commit – or anything else for that matter. If my natural demeanour or the natural reactions I give do inspire – great! I will never see anything I do as having a ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ label. I never wish to imagine that I am to blame if men decided to walk away. I want to live, breathe,… Read more »

Elle
Guest
Elle

Hi, So difficult for a person who has been taught her whole life to be giving and caring, selfless and self-sacrificial. It is a misalignment of values and/or habits. Revealing our feelings to a man was taboo. Listening and believing that all will be smoothed out and love will be realized just because your ear and your heart were exposed is entirely false. Good men and partners were to see your extreme flexibility and “kindness” and fall all over you. Nope! That proved never to be right. Even though it is relatively difficult to grasp the entire context of this… Read more »

Adriana
Guest
Adriana

The guy I am dating has said he feels he is more me than I am into him and other things, of course I think I’m being expressive. After reading, I understand he wants a. Wants reassurance b. Probably a little “scared” c. I’m not speaking his love language enough. Maybe there is part of me that is walled up and he senses that.

Sonya
Guest
Sonya

Rene, Hi there, i read your posts regularly, but im so hard and would not even know where to start even trying to be vunrable, needless to say that i have just given up trying to get a man so we just become friends I make a great friends, it is then when things start to change his time im of the but by this time I am of the attitude, “you had your chance now just don,t even go there, i’m your friend now and thats the way it will stay” Horrible I know, but I have convinced myself… Read more »

Beth
Guest
Beth

Hi Renee, I’ve been reading your newslatters for awhile now and wish to sign up for “CC2” as soon as it comes out. In the meantime, I am truly lost on what you mean by “being vulnerable to a man”? Help! Like you mean ask him to open jars for you? Tell him you need help with a problem because you ‘just can’t figure it out’? How about letting him see you break down crying when he hasn’t called you for days? Tell him how much you want him in your life and care about him when he ignores you?… Read more »

Anna
Guest
Anna

Hello Beth, I saw your question about what exactly is being vulnerable to a man. I hope I can answer it for you. A lot of people think being vulnerable is showing all your emotions freely (like freaking out when he doesn’t call) or being all damsel in distress & helpless… part of it is that. But a general test I use for being vulnerable is I ask myself if I EXPECT anything from him when I do it… or if I’m NEEDY about something… for instance if he hasn’t called and I go ballistic over it… am I really… Read more »

Beth
Guest
Beth

Thanks Anna, I appreciate your insight. I have never used vulnerability to get a man to do anything for me, and in this particular relationship we pretty much equally help eachother. I was just having one of those horribly bad days and expressed this to him and he completely shut me out “I’m over this, “I’m tired of you, we’re done!” Then he blocked me. It has been a week and I have not been able to communicated with him. We were together over 2 yrs.

Anna
Guest
Anna

Hi Beth – was it you or him that said that statement? A lot of times men stonewall women when they are overwhelmed. He seemed to have blocked you out of emotion & not from a rational decision, so it seems that there is some hope to restore things should you wish to. Often if we end things from emotion, there’s a high likelihood the response was driven from hurt or fear. So he either is feeling very resentful towards you for a while, scared, hurt… what actions have you changed towards him lately? Have you been stressed lately? Often… Read more »

reena
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reena

Awesome advice!

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