He’s not ‘Making EXCUSES’, You Just Haven’t Inspired His Commitment

The word you use to describe another person’s actions is everything.

I believe that the words you use, make you do amazing things in your life or terrible things. Because the words you use reflect the intent you infer upon others.

Alternatively stated, you could be assuming hostile intent in a man when most humans truly have positive intent (at the very least, positive intent to make themselves feel a certain way).

Also, the words you use reflect the meaning you place on things. And that meaning could be the difference between ruining your relationships or inspiring them to fill up with more trust and closeness!

This is why I don’t like the word ‘excuses’.

Inspire commitment

If you say a man is making ‘excuses’ It’s A Lie

Here is the big fat lie you’re really telling yourself:

  • This man has an obligation to me. (No man really does, we just try to make them feel obligated as a last resort to get what we want…no human has an obligation to you unless you want to write a legal document to strap people to your side.)
  • This man is lazy.
  • I am entitled to a commitment (mostly not true. I don’t believe any woman, including me, is ‘entitled’ to a commitment unless she’s willing to be vulnerable, stop blaming and stop guarding herself from hurt as if it’s going to help anyone.
    Just as I don’t believe any man deserves an open woman, good sex or respect unless he is willing to push through his own fears.
  • I KNOW why this man isn’t committing. (Not really. Usually, women don’t understand why a man isn’t committing, and nor do they care to show the man that they are willing to appreciate and understand his fear of commitment.)

So, most women don’t really know why a man isn’t committing until they try to understand men. And that takes a lot of emotional discomfort, mental discomfort, vulnerability as well as a willingness to drop your own defences.

Until you work so hard to understand men that your spine shivers with resistance and fear whilst doing so, you don’t understand him. You only know what is familiar to you, which is your own worldview for the past however many decades you’ve been alive. 

So let’s consider that perhaps there’s a better meaning than ‘he keeps make excuses not to meet.’

Here’s the brutal truth:

The truth is that men need something to inspire them to commit to you. Something beyond obligatory rhetoric.

Remember, a man doesn’t owe you anything – and you don’t owe him anything.

Men commit when they want to (when they’ve found the one and only).

(Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

As a woman, it’s very easy to stamp our feet and expect a commitment just because WE want a committed relationship.

But for most men, more commitment to you, means a lot more vulnerability on their part. Not just yours.

Men have to be, do, achieve and risk a lot to commit to you – even if they truly love you.

Related: How To Tell If A Guy Likes You: 6 Signs & 1 Test.

QUIZ TIME: Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with this specially crafted quiz! (All the answers you seek about him lie within these 8 questions.)

Think of it as you helping a man commit to you by meeting him where he is at

So we have to kind of meet a man where he is at.

How can you do that?

You can start by verbalising his feelings about commitment. Ie: say something like the following:

“I know committing to a relationship is a lot of work.”


“I know it feels risky.”

This will inspire him to trust you.

He Makes Excuses Not To See Me: What To Say To Him.

You can say things like:

“Yes, I understand if you think that marriage and commitment isn’t very appealing in this day and age, even though I believe in marriage myself.”

“I know you work very hard for your money. I admire the hard work you put in every day, and I would never take advantage of what you’ve worked that hard for.”

This helps you speak his language, and reach him emotionally.

By showing him that you’re willing to understand and feel what he feels, you allow yourself to show up high value!

This isn’t manipulation, it’s giving. It’s simply a gift of meeting him where he’s at so that you hopefully can also help him see that you won’t be taking advantage of him. In fact, you truly want to connect with HIM.

If you’re too resentful or hurt to say any of these things, then it may pay to process your feelings first. If you cannot grieve and process, it will only make things worse, because you’ll just act out of the need to be heard and to unleash.

You can’t ‘talk’ a man in to committing, or ‘oblige’ a man into committing. Unless he’s got no other options, or is a very scared and unstable man.

Ultimately, what you need to be willing to do is be vulnerable.

And what does willing to be vulnerable mean?

It means feeling, regardless of the way he responds. (not verbally bashing or unloading old resentment on him).

If you’re vulnerable, you’re vulnerable. True vulnerability exists. That’s it. It’s just is.

It stays until it’s fully felt and taken care of. Anything else CAN feel like manipulation to a man. And many women have used tears kind of like a manipulation – just to force more resources out of a man.

There are 7 common signs a woman is perceived as low value to all men, because men simply perceive value differently to women. Do you know what these signs are and how to avoid them like the plague? CLICK HERE to download this special report.

You Don’t Serve Him By Not Showing Your Vulnerabilities

We think we’re serving ourselves and serving other people by closing down and hiding our vulnerabilities. But we aren’t.

We are least of all serving ourselves because when we aren’t vulnerable, we attract people who don’t love us for who we really are. The more masks you wear, the weaker the man you attract.

And the weaker the man you attract, the weaker the “commitment” he gives you, even if he gives you a ring, and even if he legally marries you.

Commitment is more than marriage. Commitment is an ongoing, daily willingness to spend his emotional, physical, financial and mental resources on you.

And like anything in life, if spending any of these resources on you is terribly unrewarding, he will go elsewhere. And you’ll be back at square one.

Remember, it’s OK to be vulnerable.

By vulnerable, I mean remove all the protective layers you’ve put up to ‘show’ the world who you are.

I mean get to the the layers beneath the mask, the layer beneath the layer, and the next layer beneath that layer, and remove the next layer, and then remove THAT layer as well…

Until all there is is just you. So vulnerable that you feel like a part of you is dying (because that’s kind of what is happening when you remove masks and become vulnerable. You lose a part of your image or identity and reveal the real you).

Here are 4 Ways To Bring Out Your High Value Vulnerability.

You Can’t Be Vulnerable With Every Man

I don’t think it’s wise to be vulnerable to everyone. You can’t do it with everyone, you can test people to see if they will handle it or not. Here’s how to test a guy.

Many men need that vulnerability in order to connect to a woman and be bonded to her.

And you don’t have to be that all the time.

It’s just a part of you you might want to allow to surface. Remember there are different parts of you – including the so called “masculine” parts, and all parts are ok.

That is the reason why your vulnerable parts are totally ok. Because no part of you is wrong.

(Sure, if you’re abusing people; that’s wrong. But we’re not looking to do that here.)

If you’re blessed, you might be able to hint at vulnerability to a man and he will get it.

This is exceedingly rare, from what I know of men. Most men I have heard of (through working with their women) need serious visual and emotional embodiment of vulnerability in you before they “get”, in their heads that there is vulnerability here, and that he is needed.

(There Are Exactly 7 Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to Men. Do You Know What They Are? (& How to Avoid Them Like the Plague)? Click here to find out right now…)

There are 7 common signs a woman is perceived as low value to all men, because men simply perceive value differently to women. Do you know what these signs are and how to avoid them like the plague? CLICK HERE to download this special report.

Be willing to express….NOT Abuse

Sometimes men cannot tell the difference between tears and crying. So you need to be really willing to express and embody your emotion.

Again, not abuse. Don’t abuse a man with blaming words, if you can help it! I don’t think abuse usually serves anyone, do you?

Your vulnerability is not abuse. But blaming others is abuse. And being passive aggressive after many years of closing off to the world is abusive.

(It’s OK….we have all done this.)

I promise you that we have all abused someone before – usually those closest to us.

And you have also been on the end of someone else abusing you. But it’s good to end the cycle, by starting with yourself.

Then, he gets to be your hero.

But to attract your hero, you have to the heroine – courageous enough to be vulnerable.

Vulnerability is courage.

The mask isn’t. The mask is easy. It’s what you’ve always done to survive. Now is the time to be ready to do things differently.

I’ll admit, this is hard.

It’s so hard because when you feel vulnerable is not necessarily when men actually SEE you as vulnerable (and therefore respond in the correct way), because most men need an obvious call for help, or an obvious sign of vulnerability before they will associate YOU with vulnerability.

Take for example this scene in Crash. I cry every time I watch this because it is accurately reflecting what is true in real life of men and women:

David (my husband) and I teach how to show High Value vulnerability in version 2.0 of Commitment Control.

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new program, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

Please leave a comment below, and share a past memory of vulnerability you have shown or NOT shown, and let us know what happened. I’d appreciate it deeply. 

renee wade what to do when he doesn't call

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