Article updated 2018
Listen to yourself when you are talking.
Listen to others in a social situation, trying to fit in and ‘have a good ol’ time with the mates’.
Listen to friends, to your lover, to your boyfriend.
The words we speak are mostly blind to what is really going on inside.
Words often try to minimize our own vulnerability and ability to feel.
We say ‘Oh it’s okay…”
When our real feeling is that we hate that person.
We say ‘Oh maybe he was just….a little…forgetful. Or busy.”
Well, what if we actually are angry at him?
And what if that anger serves you?
Would you be open to the idea of letting yourself feel that anger?
I certainly hope so.
For the purpose of this article, I am going to assume that the men you WANT to attract are the men who see your vulnerability and want to take care of you. Forever. And adore you.
If you want the depth of love you crave, try to listen to yourself when you are talking. What are you saying?
You may consider that you do often say what you think people want to hear.
You may consider that you say things or engage in your own thoughts to try to dull your emotions, or gut instinct, as if they are wrong (?!)
You may consider that you sometimes say what makes you look GOOD.
You may consider that many of the words you say are spoken to make yourself look cool, smart, in control, and consistent (feminine energy NEVER is consistent, though). We change with the weather. We change with other people’s emotions. We are naturally responsive creatures that have had that intelligent responsiveness conditioned out of us in order to go to school, go to work, fit in to a group of ‘average’ friends…
It’s not you.
No, it’s the way you were raised. It’s what this society teaches us to be.
In this society, we are taught that looking good is more important than being who we really are in our true nature, whether that’s masculine, feminine or neutral.
What you’ll realize though, is that, in order to be in your authentic feminine energy (if that’s what you are, underneath all the masks), then you’ll need to talk less and FEEL more, because talking often stops you from feeling. Once you feel more, and talk a little less, you are and WILL be naturally more feminine because you are being more of yourself.
This is the way I have learned to become more of who I actually am, not who I think I SHOULD be.
I struggle with talking BS, especially to my parents; mostly to my parents. Because they were the ones I felt I had to impress and please.
Those times when I actually have the awareness to remember and pull myself up on my BS, I let go of the talk. I just connect instead, which is what we really want. Interact with my husband. I smile, I dance, I ask him about HIM, I kiss him, and it flows, the way it is designed to flow between a masculine man and feminine woman.
Disclaimer: Please don’t think this is the answer to having more approval from or even more dates with men. SOME men will run from you when you do what I am suggesting; when you remain open and vulnerable; and that’s what we want!
We want to get rid of the weaker men who will just run because we are not willing to settle for anything less than a man who at least tries to respond to your vulnerability with total devotion.
In order to weed out the men who aren’t serious, just BE. The right man will come eventually, even if that’s a newer version of your existing boyfriend/husband.
What we say is not as powerful as our desire and intention to connect. When we want to connect, what we say sounds different to what we’d say if we were trying to present perfectly.
So, feel that which you actually feel. Don’t avoid it. Avoiding feeling it just takes you away from your authentic energy.
Now, I’m not saying don’t talk. I’m saying, listen to yourself talk if you want to radiate deeper femininity.
Certainly, when it comes to connecting with girlfriends, talk can be the most valuable thing in the world. It CAN be. But right now, we’re talking about interacting with a man.
Deeper femininity attracts deeper men. Men you can trust.
But to appeal to the men who want to go deeper, you have to be willing to eliminate the men who aren’t interested in anything beyond sex.
So, give yourself the space to feel deeper. Don’t avoid feeling your anger (yes, avoid blaming people, and avoid spraying old pent up emotions at a man as if it really is his fault). But remember that anger can be valuable, just as sadness and hurt is valuable.
Your emotions, no matter how much other people told you that your feelings aren’t important or to ‘stop’ feeling them – they are here to protect you. They affirm your existence. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to feel them, because it’s almost like saying ‘hey! I matter. My boundaries and my desires and my hurts matter!” and that is hard to do when we were raised to keep things surface and keep emotions inside.
Society demands us to avoid feeling the deeper emotions that would cause men to want to take care of us (vulnerability is what makes men devote themselves to you).
Instead, we’ve become accustomed to covering things up with words and actions that we think make us ‘fit in’ or look good.
Surface femininity (dressing and acting solely for the approval of others) attracts surface men. (What is fake & superficial femininity?)
But first, you have to be willing to trust the light that is feminine energy that you were born with OVER trusting the garbage that you sometimes use to cover up the vulnerable, real you. (See my article on how most women reject their own deeper femininity)
It’s that light of you, the spontaneous you, that men crave, and it’s not always pretty. And it’s definitely not predictable or in control. You have to be ok with that, at the very least.
(By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)
P.S – When you start to respect and honour your own deep desire for connection, and when you embody your vulnerability with men (or people in general), you can start to get annoyed with surface people, and people who hide away. You start to dislike the surface culture. Remember to be patient with people. You don’t want to make what they do ‘wrong’, because that keeps you in the old cycle of fear or separation. Just respect that it is there for a reason, and people are like that for a reason.
P.P.S. Connect with me on social media.
- Here’s my Youtube Channel The Feminine Woman.
- Here’s The Feminine Woman Facebook page…
- Here’s my Instagram Pages TheFeminineWoman & My Personal Instagram.
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.