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Article updated 2018

Listen to yourself when you are talking.

Listen to others in a social situation, trying to fit in and ‘have a good ol’ time with the mates’.

Listen to friends, to your lover, to your boyfriend.

The words we speak are mostly blind to what is really going on inside.

Words often try to minimize our own vulnerability and ability to feel.

We say ‘Oh it’s okay…”

When our real feeling is that we hate that person.

We say ‘Oh maybe he was just….a little…forgetful. Or busy.”

Well, what if we actually are angry at him?

And what if that anger serves you?

Would you be open to the idea of letting yourself feel that anger?

I certainly hope so.

For the purpose of this article, I am going to assume that the men you WANT to attract are the men who see your vulnerability and want to take care of you. Forever. And adore you.

(Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

If you want the depth of love you crave, try to listen to yourself when you are talking. What are you saying?

You may consider that you do often say what you think people want to hear.

You may consider that you say things or engage in your own thoughts to try to dull your emotions, or gut instinct, as if they are wrong (?!)

You may consider that you sometimes say what makes you look GOOD.

You may consider that many of the words you say are spoken to make yourself look cool, smart, in control, and consistent (feminine energy NEVER is consistent, though). We change with the weather. We change with other people’s emotions. We are naturally responsive creatures that have had that intelligent responsiveness conditioned out of us in order to go to school, go to work, fit in to a group of ‘average’ friends…

It’s not you.

No, it’s the way you were raised. It’s what this society teaches us to be.

In this society, we are taught that looking good is more important than being who we really are in our true nature, whether that’s masculine, feminine or neutral.

What you’ll realize though, is that, in order to be in your authentic feminine energy (if that’s what you are, underneath all the masks), then you’ll need to talk less and FEEL more, because talking often stops you from feeling. Once you feel more, and talk a little less, you are and WILL be naturally more feminine because you are being more of yourself.

This is the way I have learned to become more of who I actually am, not who I think I SHOULD be.

I struggle with talking BS, especially to my parents; mostly to my parents. Because they were the ones I felt I had to impress and please.

Those times when I actually have the awareness to remember and pull myself up on my BS, I let go of the talk. I just connect instead, which is what we really want. Interact with my husband. I smile, I dance, I ask him about HIM, I kiss him, and it flows, the way it is designed to flow between a masculine man and feminine woman.

(Click here and take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I?”)

Disclaimer: Please don’t think this is the answer to having more approval from or even more dates with men. SOME men will run from you when you do what I am suggesting; when you remain open and vulnerable; and that’s what we want!

We want to get rid of the weaker men who will just run because we are not willing to settle for anything less than a man who at least tries to respond to your vulnerability with total devotion.

In order to weed out the men who aren’t serious, just BE. The right man will come eventually, even if that’s a newer version of your existing boyfriend/husband.

What we say is not as powerful as our desire and intention to connect. When we want to connect, what we say sounds different to what we’d say if we were trying to present perfectly.

So, feel that which you actually feel. Don’t avoid it. Avoiding feeling it just takes you away from your authentic energy.

Now, I’m not saying don’t talk. I’m saying, listen to yourself talk if you want to radiate deeper femininity.

Certainly, when it comes to connecting with girlfriends, talk can be the most valuable thing in the world. It CAN be. But right now, we’re talking about interacting with a man.

Deeper femininity attracts deeper men. Men you can trust.

But to appeal to the men who want to go deeper, you have to be willing to eliminate the men who aren’t interested in anything beyond sex.

So, give yourself the space to feel deeper. Don’t avoid feeling your anger (yes, avoid blaming people, and avoid spraying old pent up emotions at a man as if it really is his fault). But remember that anger can be valuable, just as sadness and hurt is valuable.

Your emotions, no matter how much other people told you that your feelings aren’t important or to ‘stop’ feeling them – they are here to protect you. They affirm your existence. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to feel them, because it’s almost like saying ‘hey! I matter. My boundaries and my desires and my hurts matter!” and that is hard to do when we were raised to keep things surface and keep emotions inside.

Society demands us to avoid feeling the deeper emotions that would cause men to want to take care of us (vulnerability is what makes men devote themselves to you).

Instead, we’ve become accustomed to covering things up with words and actions that we think make us ‘fit in’ or look good.

Surface femininity (dressing and acting solely for the approval of others) attracts surface men. (What is fake & superficial femininity?)

But first, you have to be willing to trust the light that is feminine energy that you were born with OVER trusting the garbage that you sometimes use to cover up the vulnerable, real you. (See my article on how most women reject their own deeper femininity)

It’s that light of you, the spontaneous you, that men crave, and it’s not always pretty. And it’s definitely not predictable or in control. You have to be ok with that, at the very least.

(By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)

Love,

Renee.

Men are naturally attract to these 17 Attraction Triggers, click here and start attracting the man who adores you.

P.S – When you start to respect and honour your own deep desire for connection, and when you embody your vulnerability with men (or people in general), you can start to get annoyed with surface people, and people who hide away. You start to dislike the surface culture. Remember to be patient with people. You don’t want to make what they do ‘wrong’, because that keeps you in the old cycle of fear or separation. Just respect that it is there for a reason, and people are like that for a reason.

P.P.S. Connect with me on social media.

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HollykiraKhangCielo AcostaVenu K Recent comment authors
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Holly
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Holly

That’s it Renee and David’s website, I’ve had enough! For so long I lived a life were I accommodated to everyone else’s needs above my own, I felt not to know any different, as if it was some sort of psychological entrapment. Now I’m thinking who is anybody to tell me what’s what…from my parents, to friends and even strangers, I feel I gave my rights away because that is the only thing I’ve know, from what I can perceive. The media has such an impact on society, as if it’s blissfully guiding people on how to live their lives,… Read more »

kira
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kira

I often find when I’m imagining my dream relationship, it’s the feeling that’s most present. I want to relax and let go. I’m tired of analyzing. I’m tired of strategizing I just want to be free. I feel trapped in an intricate web of stress. Must do’s, have to do’s, should do’s. Oh those are the worst because they make me feel bad. I find myself wanting to cut ties, to escape demands and just do what I want. I’m tired of being told what I should do, I’m tired of waking up in the morning for someone else. What… Read more »

Khang
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Khang

Wise Words! Thank you Renee Many of your concepts are really hard to grasp. But I just try to test, to live it… and one day, I am profoundly shaken… 1. Yes, I listen to my talks and I just mini-compliment on myself for some talkings that I’ve made recently which are just for connecting, not for looking good. This feeling is really awesome and very freedom 2. Yes, I caught myself go back to the old cycle that I separate myself from others, and I know that mastering the balance takes lots of practice and compassion for me and… Read more »

Cielo Acosta
Guest

Hi Renee, I admire your blog a lot… however, one thing really bothers me… I keep having those pop-ups about having to download one of your free infos and it gets in the way of reading the article. It just didn’t happen once but all the time… I try to find where to click the “x” but there’s none..it’s annoying to say the least,Please do something! thanks. Cielo from the Philippines.

Venu K
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Venu K

Hallo Renee, I’m a 31 year old man from India, still single unfortunately! (Sheepish grin) However, I would like to add in my “two cents” to your articles. You are right in saying that women need to act more feminine and build the attraction for the right kind of men to come into their lives and love them forever. But I am surprised that you haven’t mentioned one VERY feminine and VERY attractive woman in your articles. Who am I talking about? Gwenyth Paltrow. I saw how she walks and talks in the Iron Man movies (and The Avengers) and… Read more »

Venu K
Guest
Venu K

My case in point!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0371746/board/thread/207151649

🙂

Holly
Guest
Holly

Hello Renee I was having a conversation with two people recently, I said how great Carole Vorderman looks and one of those people said she’s had cosmetic surjery, which she actually hasn’t. I went on to say that people who look good get better treatment, people automatically think they are good people with good qulites. Science proves this to be true and the media implements subliminal messages into society. Also I feel that Britains got talent proved it to be true with Susan Boyle. People talked her down, laughed and mocked her because of her apperance. The two people I… Read more »

ingrid
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ingrid

Great piece and I loved the way you ended it of being caught in the cycle of separation. We all have a bit of human ego and when we assess people When they talk it happens all we have to remember is not be judgmental. I do not críticize Just freely listen feel sad at times if I see it is not authentic. Grrr what to Chuck this Android out my Window it writes what it wants to

Mary
Guest

Great information. It is very difficult to find real authentic feminine woman where I live.

Anna
Guest
Anna

Excellent, excellent article. Most are not aware of how powerful the words we use can influence our future and present states. It’s becoming pretty prevalent the knowledge that what we think in our heads matter, but even more sneaky is what we say and our language patterns. Thank you for bringing this to light. I will monitor what I say in certain situations & try to figure out why I’m saying it and what state it causes in me. I’m happy to say that now, I’ve been having very positive language about men and relationships, so right now I have… Read more »

Meli
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Meli

Another beautifully written peace of wisdom Renee. It`s great advice. You`re little guy is adorable!

Sis
Guest

Hi Renee,
I am a big fan of your writing and of your blog and was wondering if you’d like to guest post for us on our blog over at http://girlsbeinggirls.wordpress.com/
We would be honored to have something from you, it can even be something you’ve already written. Thanks so much!
-Sis

Felicity
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Felicity

Dear Renee,

I am so pleased a friend directed me to this article!I so want and need to be able to do what you describe here. This article is very timely for me. How do you carry this awareness of yourself as a woman into the world of work though? Is it possible to be this in touch with your authentic self and successful in the very ‘male’ working world?
Flick

Elena
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Elena

Hi Renee! I liked the whole article, but what caught my attention is the idea that we should let go of the empty pursuit of “being in control“ and be willing to admit to ourselves and others that sometimes (very often for me:)we are out of control. We should learn to accept that-and that will be the new exciting beginning!

Mona
Guest
Mona

“The right man will come eventually, even if that’s a newer version of your existing boyfriend/husband.”

Do you mean a change of behaviour in the existing one?

x

Elena
Guest
Elena

No,i didn`t see it as the main idea, just one of the many wonderful “glimpses“ of wisdom 🙂

elisha
Guest
elisha

I have put into practice a lot of what you have said an it works ..fabulously! But they are all married men! Very stable good men. An yes it does work on them..they all wish there wives could be just like me..I have yet to be approached by a single in avalible man..

meti
Guest
meti

Your articles have been quite useful thanks!

Kira
Guest
Kira

Just today at work a man asked me whether I was still going to school (college, I work at a fast food restaurant) and I’m not. It shook me up. I so badly felt the need to defend myself, to tell him all that I have done thus far and why I wasn’t. Instead, I just let it all go and told him no. It was scary for me but then I realized that this one man’s opinion doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things so I was able to breathe and leave it at that. There is… Read more »

Candy
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Candy

I can see myself in this. Makes sense to me… Thanks Renee for this post!

Holly
Guest
Holly

Lol, I would like to add that I think everyone could benifit from the feminine women blog as it’s full of so much helpful insight. All of which is authentic and coming from an honest place. I feel that you know alot of things I’m unaware of/that has been absent within my life. I consider myself as a knowledgeable person as reading and learning is my greatest passion in life. My senses tell me that your a great expansion to add to my life. I’ve read alot upon men’s behavior/human behavior but never anything on feminine energy before. I’d describe… Read more »

Holly
Guest
Holly

Hello Renee 🙂 It’s lovely to hear from you. I’m glad to hear that your making the most of your time with Tyson and it sounds that your really enjoying being a mom :-). Tyson is adorable. I especially like the part in this article that states whatever woman a woman is will determine the type of men that she attracts into her life. This would make perfect sense as the law of attraction states that people who vibrate the same energy frequency meet in life. It really comes as no suprise to the types of men that I’ve past… Read more »

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