How do You Stay Calm when he Doesn’t Text Back? 4 Steps to Stay Calm & High Value

How do you stay calm when he doesn’t text back? How can you keep your high value when you’re feeling so vulnerable?

When he doesn’t respond, it can be a moment of shock for you. Maybe everything seemed to be going well, or maybe things weren’t all that serious between you guys to begin with.

Regardless, it’s sometimes a difficult feeling to be emotionally invested in a man.

When you’re invested in the outcome of your relationship, and he doesn’t text or call you back, it makes things harder. At this point, feeling anxious when he doesn’t text back or call is somewhat normal.

But it’s even worse if you’ve spent longer with the guy. The anger, confusion, the disbelief and the pain you can feel when you’re in this situation is horrible.

Stay Calm, You’re Not Alone

Let me first assure you that you are not alone. You are not the only one experiencing this right now.

So, what can you do? How do you stay calm when he doesn’t text back?

What can you do to help calm yourself?

First of all, you need to know a simple truth.

You need to know that whether your situation progresses to him committing to you or not, depends on these two things:

1. The value that you bring to the table; and
2. Whether or not you are his one and only woman;

Here’s what you have to understand.

When a man doesn’t text or call, he can either be temporarily pulling away or permanently ghosting you.

If He Cared About You, He Wouldn’t GHOST You

Ghosting refers to a person who ends a relationship with someone by suddenly withdrawing all communication without explanation. 

In my work I see this happen to many women, but let me tell you with 100% certainty that a man won’t ghost you if you were ‘the one’. If he cared, he wouldn’t just ghost you.

Yes, he might pull away, but he would never just ghost you! Here are 3 obvious reasons women usually get ghosted.

He may pull away and stop texting you or calling you for a bit, sure. But he would not under any circumstances, ghost you because you would mean too much to him as his one and only type of woman.

If you were not his one and only woman, then most likely you would fall into the category of one of many.

This just means, as painful as it is, that maybe he was never that serious about you. In other words, he was interested, just not serious about you. Here’s more on that critical distinction.

Related reading: How To Keep A Man Interested Through Text (Don’t Make These Mistakes!)

Do the quiz: how commitment friendly is my man?

Relationships Aren’t As Intuitive To Men

This is a difficult reality for a lot of us women. Sometimes it makes women angry when I say this. But the truth is, relationship is not as intuitive for men.

Sure, they want relationships too! It matters to them, very much!

But since they grew up as men, they simply haven’t had the head start that women have in becoming fluent in the language of emotional and intimate relationships!

Unless he’s had the influence of a good woman.

However, overall, the seeking out of the deep emotional attachment is not as intuitive to the male species. This is because it is a feminine woman who primarily inspires that deep emotional commitment.

The more she inspires it, the deeper he can go. A good woman actually indirectly guides a masculine man into deep emotional connection.

Again, this statement is based on the inherent masculine and feminine biases. It doesn’t mean that you should always put in the work as a woman.

If anything, if you want to answer the question of how do you stay calm when he doesn’t text back, it’s important to realise this fact…

Here Are The 4 Steps To Staying Calm When He Doesn’t Text Or Call You Back

Relationships and emotional closeness can often feel more intuitive to us as women than it does for men.

For men with a masculine core, it’s more intuitive to move towards a feeling of emptiness. This emptiness is something that brings back the equilibrium in his masculine core.

However, this feeling of ’emptiness’ contradicts a feminine woman’s needs to ‘fill up’ with connection and fullness.

The masculine energy (which we all have within us) seeks to feel empty, whereas the feminine seeks to fill up.

So if your man hasn’t called you or texted you, it’s important for you to not only remain high value but also get an idea of where he is at at mentally or emotionally. 

Probably more likely mentally, as masculine men tend to always be finding the next project to immerse themselves in or the next problem to solve. These actions don’t involve “feelings”.

Step 1:  Go Somewhere Quiet And Feel EVERYTHING.

The first thing you must do to stay calm when he doesn’t text back (before anything else), is to get to an emotionally resourceful place!

You see, what matters here is YOU. You need you.

Your heart, body and mind need you to be there for yourself. 

The first step to getting to a more emotionally resourceful place is to first cleanse yourself of emotions. Specifically, the emotions that you are not truly allowing yourself to feel.

I want you to know that it is ok that you feel ANY of the following things when a man pulls away. 

When a man pulls away, doesn’t text back, ghosts you, becomes distant and cold, (or just goes quiet)…

It’s ok to feel hurt, Abandoned, or terrified. It’s ok to feel anger beyond belief, to feel abusive, or feel like screaming at the sky (which is maybe not a bad idea).

YES – it’s also ok to feel hateful, jealous, obsessive, or like your heart is being smashed into pieces.

You might think this advice is strange as you don’t actually hate him yet. But you may already have had these feelings from the past stuck inside, and they’re just adding to your stress now. That’s why they need to be felt.

Once you’ve spent hours, days, maybe weeks (it’s different for every woman), just feeling everything (and connecting to yourself this way), something happens.

You are able to stay calm. You’re able to keep your high value. Because you’ve connected with yourself. And because of this, you are able to ward off the stress and tension you built up.

You’ll be able to relax more in to who you really are – a feminine soul who feels a little more balanced and at peace.

How Do You Stay Calm When He Doesn’t Text Back?

First MEET your needs for certainty.

Ultimately, what you are looking for when a man isn’t in close contact with you is a feeling of safety and certainty. This is the reason why you’re asking how do you stay calm.

So, we need to MEET that need for certainty, by getting you to retreat to somewhere safe to feel everything. Your feelings are your friend in this scenario. 

This will replace other so called low value behaviours for now.

It will give you the strength and the base for building higher value within yourself. Empty yourself of residue feelings that never had a chance to get out so that you can be free to show up high value.

You need to muster the courage to provide yourself a safe place to feel. It could be in a hot bath, in your car, in a hot shower, or a cold shower (which is very good for removing your masks if you breathe through all the tension and relax your muscles).

It could be in a dark, quiet room with a teddy, under the covers, or with a trusted parent or family member. Whatever you need in order to feel. 

SPECIAL REPORT: How to Become the World’s Most Attractive & Feminine Goddess (Even if you have no self esteem or no man has ever paid you any attention…) CLICK HERE to download it at no cost.

 

Step 2: Go Back To A Moment In Your Past Where You Felt Infinitely Beautiful.

Step 2 on how do you stay calm when he doesn’t text back, is to think back to a moment where you felt infinitely beautiful.

Maybe you were a little girl, dancing around the garden in a dress.

Maybe someone you love embraced you lovingly and called you ‘beautiful’.

Go to that memory, and really visualise it and hold it close. Let the beauty and the freedom of this memory melt into every cell in your body, reminding you or your true worth and value.

Let the memory nurture your heart. Let it touch the deepest place in your heart, the place you feel the deepest yearning for love and attachment.

That beauty is who you truly are. You have plenty of radiant and alive energy to give to any man you bloody well wish.

You may have just forgot you had it.

Every time you feel the fear and the tension of ‘where is he?’ ‘why isn’t he calling?’ ‘why doesn’t he do what he says he will?’ – go right back to the beauty and aliveness that you were before you got hurt for the very first time in love.

This is called internal resources. Why? Because in THAT place, you are not in desperation. You are not dragged down by the burden of anxiety. 

It may feel like it’s easy for me to say, especially when I’m the one writing this and you’re the one who has to deal with the anxiety.

Well, if your anxiety is too much and you can’t cope, let me suggest that you might have one or both of the following problems:

1. An anxious attachment style; or
2. You’re with a truly toxic man.

If you think this might be you, then may I suggest you adopt the 2 simple self soothing methods I teach in my article: How to Self Soothe Anxious Attachment In 2 Easy Steps.

Step 3: Use Strategies Such As Push & Pull To Test

And to calibrate and rebuild attraction.

So from this place of being in resourceful emotions, now it’s important to do your best to figure out where he’s at emotionally. 

The best way to do this is by using a strategy called push and pull.

And what this achieves is that it helps you reach out to him in a high value way but also it helps you test where the man is at emotionally by the way he responds to you. 

Here’s an article on How To Test Him To See If He Cares.

So in other words, this push and pull strategy is a way for you to contact him without looking low value or desperate. I’ll give you a quick example of what you could say:

“You know what I love about you?”

He replies….”What?”

You say: “Absolutely nothing!”

And then you can start other threads of conversation after that. Of course this has to be done in a playful way for it to have any effect. 

For all you really serious ladies out there, relax. Not every seemingly negative statement has to be said with contempt.

It’s banter! It’s a way to challenge and connect with a man again!

Don’t be so afraid to offend. You’re just being playful.

MORE: Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Be Afraid To Offend Men.

SECRETS REVEALED… Discover how you too can use this little known “Dark Feminine Art” to weed out the toxic men whilst cultivating real emotional attraction with high value high esteemed men. (CLICK HERE to enrol in this free class before it’s gone.)

If He Cannot Handle Your Playful Push And Pull Banter, That’s A Red Flag

If a man (yes specifically a man) really can’t handle such playful banter, then that’s a red flag (and something is up).

Masculine energy thrives on challenges.

If he balks at you when you say something like this, he’s probably insecurely attached, has low self esteem, is low value as a man or even narcissistic.

But what you’re looking for here is to FEEL how he responds. Don’t overthink it, just feel where he’s at through the way he responds. 

This is really important. My man David would call this kind of communication high value banter. 

See, your ability to create this playful banter is going to help you not only show up in a high value way but to test and calibrate yourself to where your man is at.

Because when you become emotionally calibrated, then you’ll have so much more clarity as to what steps to take moving forward. My husband D.Shen has a FREE class on how to use high value banter so go and check it out now before it’s gone!

We talk a lot about push and pull and high value banter in our other videos and programs. So let’s save that conversation for another day! 

OK, let’s move onto the last step…

Step 4: Identify Whether You Are The ‘One And Only’

…Or the one of many to him.

I believe there’s nothing more important than this.

You see, men subconsciously categorise the women they meet into two categories. The ‘one and only’ type of woman, or the ‘one of many’ woman. 

How men treat the women in these two baskets is like night and day.

Sometimes it can be difficult to accept, but if we were truly are his ‘one of many’ woman, then it’s going to be hard to get him to text or call for anything other than easy sex.

And it’s going to be hard to get him back again, because the ship to being the ‘one and only’ has kind of already sailed.

If you are to be the one and only type of woman to men, then you need to do that earlier rather than later in the dating process.

I know this may be hard to hear. But as painful as this can be for all of us women, I promise you that as you allow yourself to feel, you will rise above the pain, and come out the other side ecstatic and free. 

For more on the secrets to getting high value men to put you in their “one and only” category, see my program, “Becoming His One And Only”. The promise of this course is for you to have your chosen man fall in love with you & beg you to be his one & only by embodying these 5 feminine secrets, even if he’s been distant, avoidant, or losing interest…

What Does Your Gut Instinct Say To THIS?

So my question to you now is – what does your gut instinct say?

Do you feel like you are this man’s one and only? Or are you more likely his one of many? How committed is he to you emotionally? 

As a woman, you’re naturally very intuitive and very smart, and if you don’t let your thoughts and fears and justifications interfere, your gut intuition will tell you the truth.

It’s usually the first feeling that comes to you. And I believe your gut would know if you are his one and only.  

So if that was the case, then all you need to do now is to feel through your emotions, so that you can grieve. There’s so much to grieve in this lifetime, even though we usually like to avoid that process. 

Do the quiz: What is my attachment style?

If It’s Not Meant To Be, You Must GRIEVE

Then, your job is to come out the other side of that grief and start to appreciate yourself, appreciate your body and your emotions for trying to protect you.

And then, if you can, appreciate what this experience might have taught you, and appreciate him for being a man.

But what if you’re the one of many?

Well, your job will still be to feel and to grieve first and foremost. And when you’ve grieved the loss of relationship you hoped you might have with him, you can then appreciate that your experience with him will make you better at choosing what you do and don’t want in future relationships. 

Ultimately as corny as it sounds, everything is a learning experience. The only failure is when you stop learning. 

You might be wondering, if you’re the one of many, should you still reach out to him?

Should you try to build some kind of attraction and connection?

The answer is you could, in theory. But you have a difficult job ahead of you. And it’s very hard to change the basket you were subconsciously placed into. 

It’s like the saying, you don’t get a second chance to make a first impression.   

Say No To Taking Crumbs From Any Man From Now On (Do This Instead)

Men commit deeply to their one and only, and often give crumbs to their one of many. I wish it were different, but it’s not. And so to win this game of dating, it’s important for you to know what it takes to inspire your chosen man to make you his one and only. 

This is why I put together my program titled, “Becoming His One & Only”. 

Inside this program, I want to teach you in detail the 5 secrets to having your chosen man fall in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. 

Frequently Asked Questions

How to stop caring if he doesn’t text back?

I think the first step is acknowledging that you care.

That care is your attachment system working. I don’t mean working as in, it’s doing a great job. I mean it might not be doing a “great job”.

But it’s your attachment system in action.

So what you need to understand is that if you care, then you’re attached to some extent.

If you’re attached, then you must work out whether it’s wise for you to continue to be attached to this man.

MORE: How To Stop Caring About A Guy: 10 Genius Ways.

Here’s the tricky part, because being attached is normal for you as a woman. In fact, you have what my husband and I call your “feminine bias for early attachment”.

This attachment is asking you to determine whether he’s worth attaching to or not. Because as we all know, men use women for sex all the time.

If that’s all your guy wanted with you, then you’ll need to find a way to grieve that attachment.

If on the other hand, this is a genuine relationship and not just a fling, then you’ll need to:

1. Work through the emotions of your attachment; and
2. Seek more attachment from HIM. Yes, I said seek more attachment from him. That’s what your feminine bias for early attachment is there for. It’s trying to lead the relationship process, because that’s what you need, and that’s where you thrive as a feminine woman. Without an attached, committed relationship, this guy is simply not worth your time.

So the best thing to do is go ahead and understand more about your feminine bias for early attachment. You can find out more in this video my husband and I made (and let us hold your hand to show you exactly how to use your“innate feminine bias for early attachment” to create deeper attraction and inspire a deeper commitment from your man.)

When A Guy Doesn’t Respond To An Emotional Text: What To Do?

There are many contexts in which you as a woman could be sending a guy an emotional text.

For example, are you in the early stages of dating and he doesn’t really care about you or love you yet? Or are you already in an exclusive relationship with him?

These are different contexts.

If you are just in the early stages of dating, then ask yourself this question: was he ever attached to me, and did we start this relationship on the understanding that it was just a sexual connection?

If it began as a sexual connection only, then you will have to accept that he was never in love with you and never saw this as anything but a fling.

If on the other hand, you’re in an exclusive relationship, then give him some time. Emotional texts are difficult for many men to understand.

They can’t “compute”, literally.

It’s almost irrelevant to them, and often women send emotional texts out of nowhere, after spending weeks (if not months) seeming “fine” and “like a cool girl”.

He might need some time to adjust to just how attached you are to him and to the relationship.

Remember this:

Your attachment is ok. Which means your emotions are ok.

What is NOT ok, is taking out your emotions on him after bottling everything up.

Over To You…

Anyway that’s enough of me talking, I hope this article has helped you know how to stay calm when he doesn’t text back.

Do you have any special ways to feel high value when he hasn’t called or texted you? Any advice for other women (who are in pain) reading this?

I hope to speak to you again very soon.

P.S. CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.

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