6 Burning Signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you

It can be a scary moment when you have to wonder if a guy actually wants a relationship with you.

As a woman, how would you know if he doesn’t want a relationship with you?

It seems like a simple question that should have a simple answer. But when you’re emotionally involved with a man, it can get confusing.

You may ask why he doesn’t entirely leave your life, yet it still feels like he’s not fully ‘in’ with you and committed to you. 

If you want the answer to that specific question, I also have an article on Why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship? 

Are there signs he will never make you his girlfriend? As it turns out, these 6 signs will also give you the definite answer to this question.

After my extensive research in love, relationships and masculine feminine polarity as well as helping women for more than 11 years, I’d have to be stupid to not notice glaring signs that a man doesn’t want a relationship with you.

Without further ado, here are the 6 burning signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with my specially crafted 8 Question Quiz!

Sign Number 1: You Have To Initiate Every Time & He Doesn’t Initiate Back.

Initiation of contact should be reciprocal. 

It’s the most basic thing a man (or woman) can do when conversing with their love interest. The simple act of initiating in return.

Of course, at times you may initiate 60% and he 40%. 

Other times, he may initiate 70% and you 30%, and so on.

The percentage depends on whether one of you has something going on and needs to communicate more.

It really depends on whether one of you has more to say, or simply that one of you needs the other more at that particular moment in time.

That change of percentage is very normal, and you want to keep it that way; roll with it. 

But at some point not long after you guys first become an item, there must be a balance that roughly equates to….you guessed it. Reciprocal, responsive and equal initiation of contact.

Here’s a video I made on the 6 Burning Signs He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With YOU.

Here’s What A Lot Of Women Do When They Have Chased A Man Too Much

When women feel like they have chased too much or over-initiated, they often take on funny rules and ideas to try to regain some feeling of control or self worth.

Some ideas or rules are good, but the vast majority of them are plain bad. Or morally wrong.

Here’s an example of what women sometimes do. They try to ‘fix’ the problem of chasing a man by taking on the ridiculous 80/20 rule in their relationship.

The 80/20 rule or pareto’s principle, was a rule for other areas of life (not in love and relationships). 

But some women mistakenly use it to guide their initiation with men. So what they do is they only initiate contact 20% of the time, while the guy is expected to initiate at least 80% of the time. 

This will not work for you either.

As one man accurately said about this rule:

“The only men that this rule would work on is the men that women don’t want.”

If you feel like you’re doing too much chasing, then of course, it will pay to stop. You never want to chase a man blindly.

Instead, you should learn to initiate in high value ways. You can actualy encourage him to chase you (but more importantly, value you). Here’s an article on How to Make Him Chase You & Value You.

There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. CLICK HERE to find out what they are.

Don’t Rely On Silly Rules To Try To “Make” Him Interested

If you decide to pull back and make him initiate, to “re-set”, that can be ok, as a way to relax and initially change your chasing behaviour. 

However, moving forward, there must be a sense of mutual responsiveness between you both.

Sometimes women heavily rely on the rule of leaning back with men, to try to make men chase them.

Leaning back isn’t wrong per se, but just like the 80/20 rule, leaning back has very clear dangers that you should be aware of.

You can never rely on the 80/20 rule of initiating contact with a man to have a successful relationship.

Otherwise, if one is far more invested than the other, it’s a recipe for heartache in the long-run.

No man will genuinely fall in love with you that way, because for two people to fall in love, there must be hyper-attunement.

The 80/20 rule does not model any form of attunement. It’s just a rule to try to curb your own uncertainty or fear.

Here’s why the 80/20 Rules of Contacting A Man will Likely Make You Lose Him.

he doesn't want a relationship with you

Sign Number 2: He’s Got Unspoken Or Blatant Rules To Ensure You Cannot Take Too Much

…or have too much of him. 

This kind of behaviour should send an obvious signal to you: that he doesn’t care about having a relationship with you. Period. 

If he’s setting all these rules for you to ensure that you can’t ask much of him, or get too exclusive with him, that’s a sign to take note of.

If he has a bunch of rules about when, how, why to talk to him or contact him (whilst you have no rules for him), that’s a clear signal that he doesn’t care.

This woman’s post in our facebook group sums up this particular phenomenon very well. Have a read of it: 

Ask yourself: does it feel like I could break up with this man today, and he wouldn’t care a whole lot about me breaking up with him?

Ask yourself: does this man’s unspoken or blatant rules make me feel like our “relationship” is not a safe place for me to go to when I need him?

Ask yourself: does this man’s unspoken or blatant rules repeatedly make you feel undervalued, isolated and ignored?

Maybe you could simply tap into your gut feeling. Your gut knows when something is up. So, listen to it. 

There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. CLICK HERE to find out what they are.

Sign Number 3: You Feel Like There’s Always A Distance Between You.

You try to get closer, but he is unresponsive to your attempts to get closer.

Do you feel like there’s an emotional distance, or a gap between you that is never closed, no matter how hard you try?

Sure, not all of us women go about trying to get closer to a man in the right ways. In fact, some of us push men away with the wrong strategies.

However, if it always feels like you’re wanting to connect and he couldn’t care less about connecting with you (never responds to your attempts to connect), that’s a bad sign.

He also may be emotionally unavailable. Here are the signs he’s emotionally unavailable and how to deal with emotionally unavailable men.

Some men will keep you around. Yet they will always make sure that there’s enough space for another, new woman to enter into his life.

Some men will keep you around, but always make sure that you are feeling empty of his presence. 

A man who has at least an average level of intelligence and cares about you, will FEEL it when you need him.

He may need a little time and experience to understand your needs, but you’ll feel him trying. And he will do his best to respond if indeed he wants a relationship with you.

learn the dark feminine art of High Value Banter here.

A Man Who Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You Will Leave You Feeling Like This…

A man who doesn’t want a relationship with you will leave you feeling angry, hurt and lost from the lack of emotional bonding between you. 

It’s simple. Listen to that anger and that hurt. Don’t ignore it. Zoom out a little, and see the truth of the matter: he doesn’t care, no matter how much he says he does. 

If you are feeling unsure about how much your man cares, here’s something you can do.

Learn the ONE thing you can say (or text) to a man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang on to every word you say, here.

This ONE thing that you can say, will allow you a final understanding of just how much he is willing to work for you, please you or make you happy. 

CLICK HERE to discover how much you truly live in your feminine energy with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz!

Sign Number 4: He’s Only There When He Wants Something.

You get lots of booty calls from him, but no “just checking in on you” calls.

He never invites you anywhere with his family or friends, because you’re not that kind of girl/woman to him. 

Instead of being the woman whom he wants to involve in almost every aspect of his life, he’d rather keep you at arms length.

….and basically keep you as the “available” woman whom he can take from.

And he will keep extracting value from you for as long as you allow him to. 

So here’s the reason for this. He either just never really felt any real emotional connection and emotional attraction between you…

Or he sees you as an easy woman who he can push around and dominate in order to satisfy his own desires. 

We’ve all had a friend or a guy in our lives who was annoyingly, well, annoying.

They only call when they want something. Yet when you need something, there’s minimal effort on their part to add value back to you.

Feel that annoyance and that anger. Because the last thing you want to do is to be desensitised to these feelings. These feelings are there to help you, to guide you. 

Don’t ignore them! 

Sign Number 5: He’s Not Invested In Your Emotions

….(and therefore he doesn’t get to know the people you care about).

If you’re wondering whether a man wants a relationship with you, it helps to understand the signs he is falling in love with you.

A man in love will invest in you and your emotions.

There will be no doubt that when you have emotions, he’ll be there a lot of the time.

No matter how difficult or how wonderful your emotions are, he also feels them and is affected by them.

A man who is mostly nonchalant about your emotions isn’t invested in you.

One of the crystal clear signals that a man does want a relationship with you is that he will care about the people that you care about.

This is because he’s invested in you.

When a man is invested in you, he will also invest in the relationships that mean a lot to you. He will want to get to know these people, understand your relationship with them, and potentially even befriend them himself).

So if your mother or father die and you are grieving, then he will feel empathy for you.

Of course, he may not be there physically as much as you wish.

(In fact, this may be because he is a man, and masculine men often grieve by creating more space around them in order to process it. As such, some men make the mistake of projecting this value onto the woman in their life, and automatically disappear when you need them the most).

It may be because he has to be at work, or perhaps he doesn’t know how to solve your problem.

However, even if he’s not physically there with you, you’ll get the feeling that he feels a bit of what you feel.

Sign Number 6: He Tells You He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You.

If he says it, he means it.

Men aren’t women, and women aren’t men. Well, not last time I checked anyways.

In other words, men don’t communicate like women. 

Men actually mean what they say. If he says “I don’t want a relationship with you.”

It doesn’t mean:

“I don’t want a relationship with you, oh I dunno maybe. Perhaps in 2 hours or two weeks I will want a relationship. Actually let me just think about it and I might turn around and say something different in two weeks.”


It means he does NOT want a relationship with you. This is one of the more obvious signs that he won’t make you his girlfriend, and doesn’t want a relationship with you. 

Men And Women Are Different…

As women we have a wide range of emotions. This wide range of emotions comes through in our communication.

As such, more often than not, our communication depends on how we feel during that moment in time.

Sure, sometimes men say things they don’t really mean in a moment of anger or hurt. But not nearly as much as women do. 

This is because men who are masculine at their core are far more consistent.

They’re more consistent due to the fact that in order to maintain this masculine equilibrium, they don’t want to increase drama or emotions, they prefer to decrease them. 

Emotions don’t always serve in the realm of the masculine. The masculine is an unchanging energy. Here are 5 insights on men that will ease your worries.

It is not the ever changing and flowing energy of life.

They want to be empty. Being empty allows them to solve problems, move forward, get the kill, and escape from the chaos of life. 

So expect that if he says he doesn’t want a relationship, that he has made up his mind already and won’t change it.

Don’t second guess it unless you have an outstanding reason to do so!

By the way, if you want the process of having your chosen man want to commit to you be easy, I would love to help.

The way to make the commitment process easy (and to reduce a man’s commitment resistance) is by showing up as the one and only woman.

You can find out more about this concept of becoming his one and only in my new online study program “Becoming his one and only”. (The promise of this course is for you to have your chosen man fall in love with you & beg you to be his one & only by embodying these 5 feminine secrets, even if he’s been distant, avoidant, or losing interest…)

renee wade what to do when he doesn't call

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I have been messing with this guy for 13 years ..It was strictly friends with benefits . I .would meet him whenever and wherever and do anything he asked.. Then I fell in love.. I didn’t say anything..He always said he loved me ike no one else and i could never be replaced…Until he met other women then I didn’t exist until that relationship ended then I’D be right there again till the next time..its happening again and I’m devastated again…

Tricia Douglas
Tricia Douglas

Hi Lori i have been sleeping with a 64 yr old man I am 41 he has a girlfriend of 2 yrs but she does not want to move in with him he keeps telling me maybe we will be together one of these days but i am not allow to go to his house anymore since i told this lady we are sleeping together, he tells me he loves me and i am number one, but i am tired of his shit ànd told him i dont want to be with him and he cried, please help me this… Read more »

Reply to  Tricia Douglas

Tricia, I’m sorry but…why are you 41 years old and chasing behind an old man like this? You don’t have the confidence to think you can get a man your own age?

Reply to  TellMeWhy

First of all, this is not very kind or constructive. Secondly, of all the things she mentioned their age is the least relevant contributing factor to the problem. We’re all trying to learn and nobody is perfect, let’s just stay kind 🙂


What if you used to be his one and only and talked about marriage for over a year, but now he says he’s not ready and doesn’t want a relationship even though he says he still loves you?

Reply to  Renee Wade

Thank you for your response and for all your thoughtful articles. It’s a fairly long story and I’m not totally comfortable sharing full details online, but our relationship has been both difficult and amazing. We were both coming out of unhappy relationships and both have made huge changes for one another, and have grown immensely while being with each other. I believe I was his one and only at least at one point, because he did emotionally invest in me, took my concerns very seriously, messaged me and made lots of time for me every day and actually got me… Read more »

Reply to  Renee Wade

Hi Renee, Thank you again for your response. Fears and insecurities have definitely done a number on the relationship, and he does have a deep void that I know he’s still working on (which is moreso what the alcohol has been for, I would say), so yes you are correct. It’s something I feel compelled to help him with. There was also definitely a value-extracting approach between us, while we also did try to give to each other. I was especially a huge culprit in this, and made him responsible for my feelings quite a lot. I’ve recognized it and… Read more »

Reply to  Renee Wade

Hi Renee, Thank you for all your advice. I will need to think on this and feel it all out, I suppose. Would you mind giving some examples of what the emotional investment would look like if you were his one and only? I’m honestly so confused right now that I’m starting to think I’m not the best judge regarding this. I really don’t know what to think. I have read a bit on the playful banter you two suggest, and it’s actually something that does come a bit naturally to me. I know he does enjoy that type of… Read more »

Reply to  Renee Wade

Hi Renee,

I can honestly say yes to all of those things. He did things for me that were very inconvenient for him. And yes, there were times when sex was off the table and he still stayed. He tried very hard for me. So I’m still very lost. Thank you again.

Reply to  Renee Wade

I’ll continue working on things. Thank you, again, Renee.

Reply to  Renee Wade

I believe I was, but there’s been a lot that’s happened between us. All I can do is continue to love him and hope we both can be happy.

Reply to  Renee Wade

Thank you, Renee. I’m sure you’re already plenty busy, but would you possibly consider doing articles about after the relationship has ended? How to heal and cope? And maybe advice on how to continue loving them and how to reconnect and how the other person might be feeling and (maybe naively) if they’ll return? I feel like I desperately need something like this but I tend to avoid other relationship advice sites because they’re so bitter and based around surface truths. I would be incredibly grateful for something like this and it would be very helpful for someone lost like… Read more »

Reply to  Renee Wade

Thank you so much.

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