Article updated 2018

I will start with a definition of depolarization: To partially or completely eliminate or counteract the polarization of. Where on earth does this word come from and what does it mean in the context of your relationship with men? Most men and women, regardless of what they’re showing up as, have a sexual essence that is more typically associated with their gender. So, most women will be feminine at their core, and most men will be masculine at their core. (Click here to take the quiz “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

There are women who are more masculine at their core, and there are men who are more feminine, naturally, at their core. However, most men are more masculine, and most women are more feminine. Frequently what happens is that women in this modern day are more masculine now, and men are more feminine. Because of how society has changed throughout history, the roles of women and men have changed greatly. Our job here is to recognize this big change and the negative effects that it may have on our relationships, and truly honor the differences between the sexes! (read my article about are you a feminine, masculine or neutral)

Let me just confirm: I am not encouraging manipulation. This entire site is about helping women become better women, and to embrace more of who they are and bring out more of what they embody at their core.

Mistakes made by women with men to cause depolarization

The Truth is, lovelies, the vast majority of women are making HUGE, and often somewhat irreversible mistakes with men! The men may not even know what on earth has caused them to feel sour towards the woman, as we are so out of touch with our personal identification of our sexual essence at our core, that most men don’t really know what is actually going on consciously, but they know they don’t want to be with that woman. So, the relationship fails. Or the marriage fails. Many relationships lack passion, depth, closeness, respect, understanding and worship. I am aware that worship is a strong word, but wouldn’t you like to be worshiped by your man? I will talk more about worship in later posts. Back to the main point.

Depolarization and sexual essence

ONE of the ways in which depolarization occurs, is when the woman (or man) does things that take away from the other person’s sexual essence. For example, one of the core differences between masculine and feminine is that men are driven by direction in life, and women are driven by emotion.

What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…

What Not to do with Men

– Question whether he knows where he’s going whilst driving, or getting frustrated that he appears lost, or getting angry at him for it and even exclaiming that you’re late because of him, or rolling your eyes. This hurts a masculine man deeply. (read my article about how to comfort your man)

– Suggesting you call a mechanic to help him with the car when he is diligently trying to fix it himself!

– Suggesting he ask somebody for directions

– Ridiculing his goals and dreams

– Not supporting him with his goals and dreams

– Mentioning his failures to get that job, get the raise, get that promotion, get that degree

– Making him wrong

– Telling him how his ideas/opinion is wrong (boy, have I made this mistake before!!)

More on Polarity in a relationship

I think we have all made a couple of the above mistakes, if not all. The problem with doing the things I have mentioned above (and there are many more examples of ways that women destroy the polarity in a relationship with their man) is that the woman has just destroyed the polarity between her and her man. (Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

Polarity is the quality of opposites/opposing energies in your relationship. Polarity is an essential, IMPORTANT ingredient to have in your relationship if you want it to last. And last with passion, love, commitment and desire.

One quick way to rectify the situation is to say ‘oh yes! You are right about that, how come I didn’t think of that?!’. You don’t want to be insincere. However, if he does have a point, at least acknowledge this to him and maybe ask him for more of an explanation. You’ll find it much easier to connect with him, rather than ending up in a painful argument that doesn’t serve either of you.

Feminine sexual core and Masculine sexual core

As his woman, the worst thing you can do is to somehow imply that he is wrong. A fast way to build up resentment in a man who has a masculine sexual essence is to tell him he is wrong. Reverse the situation, and a fast way to build resentment in a woman with a feminine sexual essence to to tell her she is ugly. Also, if by any chance another woman somehow gives your man reason to think he’s right, and to feel more of a man, he’ll start associating more positively with her instead! This is what happens when you do not fill your man up/meet his needs. (read my article about he says he misses me)

A woman’s support and admiration of her man

To succeed with men/a man, you must learn to be the woman he can count on for support. The woman who gives him reasons to feel like he is a MAN when external things are pulling him down. You must be the internal link to his core sense of masculine identity. You must have the quality and understanding of femininity as well, and the distinction between the sexual energy of the sexes. If you look up to him and admire him and truly believe in him, it’s going to be hard to find another woman to take your place, lovely!

Often what happens in relationships is that the woman is so unaware of this that she destroys not only the polarity and the core sexual energy between them and therefore the PASSION, and that she slowly but surely destroys his masculinity and sense of identity. He will lose hope. And YOU will start to lose respect for him, because men who have lost hope or lost the ‘fight’ in them often let women walk all over them. Let’s face it, no woman truly respects a man that lets her walk all over him. Most – if not all women want to be led and taken cared of by their man.

Lots of women are actually digging their own grave, and don’t really understand why.

By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only

I guess all of us have many questions about men, like why do men pull away? This is just one of the questions answered in our program Understanding Men. Click here to find out more about this program and earn a degree in Understanding Men in 2 weeks.

Any thoughts, suggestions or anything, feel free to share!

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P.S. Connect with me on social media.

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Seth Rutledge
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Seth Rutledge

I think there are good points in this article, but it seems incomplete. What is a woman to do if they don’t agree with their man in an argument and they are not supposed to tell him he is wrong? I think that my partner would benefit from some of the ideas in this article, but I don’t think she could take them in because she would see this as telling her to submit her intelligence to me. Could you make this article longer and try to explain it as if you were talking to a radical feminist?

Ellie
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Ellie

You said to not imply that he is wrong. What if he is in fact, wrong? What if I don’t agree with his opinion/thought? How do I express this without hurting him?

Super Janice
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Super Janice

“A fast way to build up resentment in a man who has a masculine sexual essence is to tell him he is wrong.”
I am an 18-year-old girl…but I am very sensitive because implying that I’m WRONG is the quickest way to build up resentment in me!

Super Janice
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Super Janice

Recently, I relaxed because I’m on my summer holidays. I’ve believed that I’m masculine but now I’m not sure whether I’m feminine or not.

j_vic
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j_vic

This is SO TRUE, Renee!!! I am currently dealing with my man of 4 years, who I financially supported and had 2 children with, saying I’m not the one for him. He is FINALLY getting himself together, about to start a business, and I have made ALL OF THESE MISTAKES. I felt lonely and unimportant and unsafe with him because he seemed to have no direction and I was the one having to go to work and support the family. So I BLAMED HIM, and we would fight and I’d say things like, “WHat kind of man lets his woman… Read more »

Mandy
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Mandy

I’m so sorry to hear about your pain. The post is a year old so I hope things have worked out one way or another and you are happy.

It was really inspiring for me to see you take responsibility despite it being so painful and it would have been so easy to blame him and play the victim.

Thanks for sharing and lighting the way

StarsCollide
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StarsCollide

Admiring a masculine man is sexy.

Rachelle
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Rachelle

Can you write more on this from the standpoint of a woman experiencing a man who is not showing up. From a woman who is actually trying to do the right thing with a man who ends ups disappointing her, or someone who simply does not speak the same language. Let’s say instead of not trusting, you trust and give this person an opportunity to take the lead, or just follows what the person wants, but they just take you to dead end. I ended up on this page because I was dating someone and the idea came to me… Read more »

AA ZZ
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AA ZZ

hey I am a woman and I don’t want to be lead by a man. I want to be loved by a man … I don’t want a leader I want a partner someone that will walk beside me hand in hand. I understand that at times leadership is needed either from a woman or a man but what I truly would desire is a relationship, exchange, working together valuing each other. I think a lot of the advice you give would be great with immature man and I can totally see how I can use some of it to… Read more »

Joan
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Joan

I just went outside and the front light wasn’t on. My hubby usually turns it on at night, and this time I think he forgot.

Well, I told him he didn’t turn on the light as he always did. He got upset, rather angry, and this could have turned into one hell of a fight.

But, I’ve been reading this sight for awhile now. So I understand him better.

I just let it all pass.

L
Guest
L

What wisdom is this. Ladies, some of you are missing the entire point of the article, which is, gaining equality in the relationship by giving the person we adore what they truly desire. We expect our men to do this ans get angry when they don’t. We want to be told we’re beautiful, strong, etc. But we don’t have to fight our men for this. It feels GOOD to be a feminine woman to a man and it does not mean we are decreasing our power in the relationship. If that happens, it is an indication we are with a… Read more »

Leo
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Leo

it is most dismaying to see this awful guff about women wanting to be lead by men. We don’t actually. What healthy women want is loving equal companionship. There will be times when s/he will know best regarding a particular set of circumstances and so that person might take the lead in that area but overall to demand that the man be the boss is offensive oppressive and ridiculous. Why do women collude in their own downfall and misery? You’d never hear a black man spouting this sort of nonsense. Wanting to be lead opens the door for the misogyny… Read more »

kay
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kay

The worst thing a guy can call a woman is “ugly”. That doesn’t work if you’re beautiful hahah. I don’t need to do all these thing to keep a money cuz I’m surrounded by guys vying for my attention and love. I guess this article is useful for “ugly” five-headed insecure women, but not for really beautiful gals ;P
Maybe you should do an article for guys and how they should treat women to keep em interested.

Jen
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Jen

Wow…what an ego. Well, I’ve been told I’m beautiful. But my ex would tell me I was beautiful and then tell me everything that was wrong with me. Now I can’t accept a compliment from a man. Am I pretty, or is everything possible wrong with me???

NarcCracker
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NarcCracker

Men who call you beautiful and then critizise things are insecure and narcistic, and should be taken with a grain of salt. If he thought so much was wrong with you, why would he have dated you? If my man did such a thing I would crack his masculinity by ridiculing him for apparently dating out of desperation. Femininity is nice, but with men like that it has no time nor place.

Inali
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Inali

great article! This is just what I needed to see; it was very helpful. thank you.

Mona
Guest

I do like some of what you’re saying in this article. However the “worshipping” subject does not feel good to me. No, I do not want a Man to worship me. That to me means he would be “idolizing” me. That would become cumbersome and even a bit controlling. I think that would not allow us as a couple the space we need to grow individually. I want my Man to simply respect, honor, love and protect me. I think those attributes cover everything he should give to our relationship. I love being a Woman, and I love him to… Read more »

AA ZZ
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AA ZZ

I agree I was also uncomfortable with that. I would not feel like a human anymore if I was worshiped and I would feel my partner is somehow below me and that’s not what I want.

TyaBya
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TyaBya

I agree, I liked everything but that part. I feel like even if I didn’t believe in God, I still would not want a guy to worship me. It would make me feel like I would have to be perfect for him. I would also feel like he could not truly encourage or support me when needed because he would see no fault in me/would fail to see my flaws.

Super Janice
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Super Janice

You simply want men to respect and love you.

S F
Guest
S F

She means he will treat you like a queen. Worship can also mean adore.

Super Janice
Guest
Super Janice

Agreed.

Nana
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Nana

I mostly don’t agree with this article. If my bf got me in a frustrating/difficult situation because he can’t find the way and told me not to care about that, that he knows etc…And finally we are lost and I’m late etc, If he doesnt have the intelligence to ask someone for direction and prefer to save his ego rather than meeting my well-being, there is no way I don’t ask him to find another solution! I actually think that a real high value man recognizes his mistakes and hate wasting our time, so in the first place, despite he… Read more »

Rochelle
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Rochelle

Yes, I think wither extreme is bad so we should be careful about being too agreeable and we can voice our opinions. It depends on how we go about it, as you said. If I disagree with what a man says I tell him “You’re entitled to think that but I feel ____”. They’ll respect you and won’t feel like you’re making them wrong. If I’m with a man in my own neighborhood and know he isn’t going the right way I’ll just say “Oh I thought it was other way” Or “I thought it was that way, unless YOU… Read more »

J CROWE
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J CROWE

and why aren’t we recognizing the insecurity in some males to hate correction? why are we overlooking this? Agreed a woman should never take the higher then thou road and put him down for his mistakes but nor should she bend over backwards to kiss his ass just because it may hurt his delicate ego if she says, “hey babe, seems like we’ve been going in a circle, can we maybe ask for some help?” if a man gets “angry” for that – HE IS AN IDIOT. Sorry, Im sick of the world making excuses for men, but when women… Read more »

Lila
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Lila

Very interesting advice. I really appreciate these “HOW do I say things”. Beeing told what NOT to do is one. But it kind of makes me stuck at HOW do I say things to a man. If you have more of these advices of how to say or do things more subtly please, please post them. I would really, really appreciate your advice. Knowing the theory and having examples are two different things.

J CROWE
Guest
J CROWE

you have a super valid point… so true… a real man should value and even welcome respectful correction and a woman who voices her opinion should not be shuned but valued as well. As long as she is and remains respectful, tactful and ladylike while doing it of course.

Lila
Guest
Lila

Could you please, please give some examles of HOW you speak and communicate so it sounds respectful? I get that men value respect, but am clueless as to HOW to say things in a way that works. I would really really appreciate your advice. How do you word things so they sound respectful.

KatieCarbaugh
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KatieCarbaugh

You have deeply transformed my life.
May the divine feminine ascend!

Katie
Guest
Katie

I know my boyfriend has a masculine man deep down inside of him–but I think it was squashed by the dynamic of his parents’ relationship. How do I help him get back in touch with it?

Qudsia Mall
Guest
Qudsia Mall

praise his manly attributes, highlight them and encourage many behavior

Elahe
Guest
Elahe

Fantastic like always Renee! Thank you so much… You are amazing 🙂

Tom
Guest
Tom

Wow. Somebody figured it out. Thanks Renee.
ps. Learned alot about my relationship in this article. I am at the lose Hope stage.

Spnutbutter
Guest
Spnutbutter

This article is right on with what I’m encountering in my relationship. Sometimes I read your work and think my man is the one writing your blogs and newsletters. I read what you write and want to aspire to be that woman of Value but for some reason I keep falling back into the low-value woman egging on fights, allowing my man to drift out my hands, and building up my own resentment toward him. Now I don’t even respect him and now that that’s apparent to both of us I’m pretty sure our relationship is doomed and I have… Read more »

Lisa
Guest
Lisa

Spnutbutter, I have been separated for 6 weeks and I didn’t respect him either. He was verbally abusive, manipulative, etc. Our fights were vicious. I knew deep, deep down I still love him and he is not really like this. The first thing I did was treat myself like a mother treats her hurting child. I forgave myself for not knowing. Do this. It heals your guilt and fear. I just got done reading every one of Renee’s blogs and had some more guilt over how little I showed my love. Renee’s encouragement inspired all kinds of love in my… Read more »

J CROWE
Guest
J CROWE

it is NEVER a one-sided issue. do not blame yourself, but rather forgive yourself. men are not perfect beings that need to be worshipped, but they do require respect and if we do not do that, yes we will lose them. at the same time, it isnt fair for a man to BE DISRESPECFUL, mean, spiteful, a cheater, a liar or anything else negative and have the audacity to expect the best outcome himself. learn from your past and be better to attract better…simple as that. I will be divorced here soon, same reason..I lost respect for him b/c of… Read more »

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