How To Be A High Value Woman: 3 Traits To Avoid!

Would you like to know the secrets of how to be a high value woman, and what high value woman traits are?

You’ve come to the right place.

The information in this article is based on research we have done over many years into mating psychology and evolutionary psychology. 

The easiest and quickest way to learn how to be a high value woman is to learn the traits you should avoid. When you avoid these traits, you can make him realize your value.

In fact, there are exactly 3 traits you want to avoid if you want to be a high value woman.

First, we will go through the traits that you need to avoid, and then we will discuss the three principles that will actually make you show up as a naturally high value woman (these are principles you don’t wait to avoid!)

The reason you want to exhibit the traits of a high value woman is that women who perpetually show up low value will repel high value men

Women who tend to show up high value will easily stand out from the crowd and attract good quality men into their lives.

(If you love video, here is a video I made on the topic of how to be a high value woman…)

Humans are sensitive to where the value is

The reason for this is that humans are sensitive to where value is and who has the real value. So when we wonder “what is a high value woman?” the easiest answer is that she is a woman of value.

In the context of dating, it means she’s a woman of value to men.

Here’s why this is important. It’s because in dating and relationships, it doesn’t matter how we feel inside (whether we are confident or lacking in self esteem), if we show up with value, men will gravitate towards us.

This is where your answers lie. If you allow yourself to present with value, you’ll make your dating life easier. And so many women have told me that leading with value has completely changed their dating life.

This is because in any social interaction as well as in any intimate relationship, we want to secure the best deal we can get in return for our own effort, investment and time.

If we didn’t protect our own effort, investment and time when finding a potential mate (or long term lover/partner), then we’d be wasting our own mating resources.

It doesn’t matter who you are, the only people who want to perpetually be with people who show up low value are the ones who can (and are willing to) tolerate it. 

There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. CLICK HERE to find out what they are.

Do you know the 7 common signs that a woman is low value in the eyes of men? CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently. And you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)

So the question is – are you willing to take the high road on this journey to showing up with high value woman traits? 

Do you want to make sure that you have the best chances of feeling good about who you are and feeling proud in your life?

Perhaps you also want to attract a high value man, and high value people into your life? 

If you do, then listen up, because…

You need to avoid these 3 traits!  

Trait to avoid #1: Being an entitled value sucker

When dating, and even in a relationship, it does not make you high value to feel entitled to a man’s resources.

Remember that we are trying to be high value, not low value.

Entitlement is not a trait of high value women.

Men don’t owe you anything.

Women don’t owe men anything. 

We prove our value to each other in the dating stages.

By doing this, we earn our rightful place in each other’s lives.

As a woman, I ‘get’ the psychology behind feeling like men ‘should’ provide or ‘should’ do this or that.

But just because I think they should, doesn’t mean I’m somehow high value for thinking that.

Men are more generous towards the ‘right’ woman

You see, just because many of us women assume that men “should” technically be providers for women, doesn’t mean men will want to or feel good providing for you. 

They’ll feel good (and 10 x more generous) to the women who aren’t entitled value suckers.

Because it doesn’t feel like they got the short end of the stick, you see. 

It does not make you show up higher value if you claim to have a bunch of standards for how men should be for you (from a place of hurt, pain, resentment or insecurity.)

If you want to learn more about this topic, see this article “Your resentment for men.” 

Of course, as a high value feminine woman, you want to avoid the low value men

However, by having what I call ‘fake standards’ (which is defined as having a fancy name for a bunch of expectations you have for value from the world), you’ll do nothing but show up low value.

In turn, you will repel the generous and smart masculine men (who always get snapped up super fast by women).

If you want to show up high value, give value first. Make that your primary focus.

If you can come from that place, you will become intrinsically valuable, because you’ll build your own value in the process.

Now, you might be thinking “isn’t it good to be selfish sometimes?”

Of course it is.

Yet, this isn’t so much about being selfish or not selfish. 

I don’t think those words are the right words to use here. 

Be emotionally and spiritual generous

This is about being emotionally and spiritually generous.

But in the process of being emotionally and spiritually generous, you don’t have to be blind, deaf or dumb.

You don’t have to be oblivious when men are just using you.

Generous people can still be responsive and aware of whether the opposite sex (or just people in general) are able and willing to reciprocate and give back the value that you give to them.

For example: let’s say you give value by being gently playful with a man while dating. (in fact, this is the no.1 trait of dating profiles that men fall in love with!)

Suppose he is not at all interested in your playfulness, and he ignores it, because he just wants sexy times.

Fine. You found out what he’s like. 

Now you say…


By the way, if you want to weed out the low quality, narcissistic and low value men while online dating, I really recommend you check out high value banter and start using it like many women in our community have.

Another example: let’s say you give value first by giving your understanding.

You meet a man where he is at. You are able to offer him a listening ear and make him feel understood.

Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with my specially crafted 8 Question Quiz!

How to become a high value woman: take the high road

By giving value first, you get to take the high road. 

Taking the high road allows you to be sensitive to whether he is capable of reciprocating or not.

Being an entitled value sucker just leaves you fighting for resources like the next woman (or man) who have the exact same approach to life. 

It doesn’t make you stand out to the right people.

Have a generous spirit! But still, it’s ok to be sensitive and aware of whether other people just want to keep taking from you or not.

Believe me, if you’re feeling, listening and watching, you’ll know. You’ll feel it.

If they reciprocate your generous spirit (which many men will), you’ll know they’re worth a second date, and more of your precious time.

CLICK HERE to LEARN the One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Masculine Man That Inspires Him to Want to Take Care of You, Worship You and Deeply Commit to You.

trait to avoid #2: Being invulnerable

High value women are naturally vulnerable.

What does it mean to be invulnerable? 

It means that you’re trying to look like you have everything under control.

Yes, so many of us are trying so hard to be worthy that we lose touch with our vulnerability.

Also, if you expect things from the world, if you’re entitled, then you’re not vulnerable to life.

If you’re not vulnerable, then you’re insensitive.

This insensitivity passes on to your love life. 

Men will pick up on it.

Sensitivity is required to be feminine and to connect.

Without connection, there really is no depth of value a relationship.

It’s ok to be invulnerable in the right situations

It’s ok to be invulnerable to people who have (or are trying to) hurt you, or to people you don’t know, or have never spoken to.

Yet, once you begin to form any kind of social relationship or intimate relationship with anyone, vulnerability is the cornerstone of how to be high value.

What does it mean to be vulnerable?

Vulnerability doesn’t mean that you try to virtue signal about how invulnerable other women are. And it doesn’t mean that you need to over-reveal information about yourself.

Vulnerability could simply mean to just be.

Let yourself be.

CLICK HERE to discover the ONE PHRASE you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say!

Vulnerability = going ‘FIRST’

Vulnerability also means that you’re willing to ‘go first’.

Huh? Go first? What does that mean?

It means…

Give your playfulness first. 

Give your understanding first.

Give your joy, your humour.

Give someone the opportunity to hear what you believe in, rather than letting them hear all about what you expect. 

Specifically in dating, or when getting to know men, it should not often be about what you expect. 

It should moreso be about what it is in life (perhaps also what it is beyond yourself) that you believe in and have faith in.

If you want to understand the difference between being vulnerable and being needy, here’s an article for you – How To Be Vulnerable Without Being NEEDY.

Trait to avoid #3: Being a blind man chaser (ie: don’t blindly chase men)

If you want to be a high value woman, and have high value traits, then avoid blindly chasing men.

There are very few things I would suggest that you never do. 

Except this one. Don’t blindly chase a man. (In fact, if you’re really interested in this topic, you should see the article Do Not Chase Him. Initiate in High Value Ways Instead.)

We have all made the mistake of chasing what seems valuable to us in the past. Man or woman. We’ve all done it.

But it’s one thing to chase, and then it’s another to blindly chase.

Why? Because blindly chasing means you’re off in your own little la-la land, completely oblivious to the feedback he’s giving you.

It means you’re in it for yourself only. 

If a man isn’t interested in you, he’ll send you signals one way or the other. True?

When someone blindly chases, they miss these ‘signals’ because they are completely unaware that the other person is even sending them any signals!

CLICK HERE to discover how deeply feminine you actually are with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz!

It’s OK to ‘initiate’ with subtle signaling

Rather than chasing a man, you can find ways to send subtle signals to him that it’s ok to approach you.

In science, they call this ‘subtle signalling’. 

Subtle signalling is a form of initiating, rather than chasing.

And it’s ok. As a woman, you can initiate! (yes, in online dating, too!) In fact, there are 3 good reasons why women should initiate in online dating.

It would be weird if a woman never initiated with a man.

That would send all the wrong signals and come off as uninterested and men would move on.

But how do you initiate or send a man subtle signals? 

Is it possible to do such a thing? 

Well it’s an art you probably knew a lot about when you were a little girl (before you grew into adulthood and bought into all these rules people gave you for what to do and what not to do!)

A few suggestions for initiating in a high value way

Here’s a few quick suggestions:

1: Smile.

2: Drop a hanky. Literally or metaphorically. 

3: Ask a man for directions. 

It should all be somewhat intuitive to you.

However, it’s not for so many of us – because we’ve lost touch with our feminine nature.  

Now, if you date online, remember one thing. Remember that online dating is a wonderful way to meet and attract a man (IF you do online dating right). 

If you don’t use the right approach, online dating will ruin your sanity, your spirit, and your innocence. 

If you do it right though, you’ll have the right (quality) men asking you out on dates left, right and centre. 

Do you know the dark art of “High Value Banter” that helps you quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”? CLICK HERE to learn how in this free class.

If you are interested in some examples of banter to initiate with, or some ‘ice-breakers’ you can use to playfully initiate with men (whilst weeding out the bad ones), then take the free class by my husband D.Shen on high value banter here

Rather than chasing a man, consider that it’s ok to initiate – in smart ways that are innocent and add value. 

Here’s a few screenshots from some women in our community who have initiated by using high value banter and have successfully been asked out quickly on dates by high quality men!

Here’s what makes You a High Value Woman to Men

Now, let’s talk about the qualities of a high value woman and how to be a valuable woman.

There are 3 things that make you a high value woman to men. 

We’re going to talk about what these 3 things are in this article, and ultimately, what you can do to make him realize your value as well as show up in your own life as a high value woman.

Several years ago, around the year 2010-2011, my husband David and I started teaching people about what it means to be a high value, high status woman. 

This was way back before a lot of people started using the term ‘high value woman’. 

Since then, a lot more people have been using the term high value, and they’ve made the term their own, and helped a lot of people, which is fantastic!

However, with so many more people teaching about the term, I wanted you guys to have my perspective, to hopefully make the meaning of high value more complete in your mind.

I feel like the original meaning of high value, at least in the way we meant it, can easily be lost in a day and age where the term is being increasingly used. 

High value stemmed from the idea of ‘mate value’

A lot of people feel like being high value is about knowing you are worthy, having healthy boundaries (or high value woman boundaries), and having self confidence. These factors are all a part of it, but they just scrape the surface. 

That’s why I want to give you some clarity around this idea of being high value. 

High Value is an idea that stemmed from mate value. 

So being “high value” is related to being high mate value. That’s how my husband and I came up with the term. 

In order to attract a mate, you need to show up high value. 

Of course, a lot of us do this naturally anyway, but sometimes we need more understanding of what it means to be high value, so that you can clearly stand out from the crowd. 

What does it really mean to be a high value woman?

So, what does “high value” really mean? It means that you are high value in the eyes of potential suitors, or mating partners.

That is, in the eyes of potential mating partners. 

Which is a lot different than just working on having self confidence. 

What this means is that how YOU feel inside, and whether you are confident or not, versus how you are perceived by men, are different things. 

You can totally feel confident inside and yet be perceived from a mate value perspective as low value. 

So we need to look at what men perceive as high value. 

And certainly, confidence might be one of those things that can be seen as high value, but that barely scrapes the surface of being high value. 

Here is the only thing you’ll need to be confident as a woman for the rest of your life.

Being high value for sex is different to being a high value Woman for a relationship

A lot of women can appear high value to men in the short-term, and have high value for the purpose of attracting a man’s sexual desire. 

Plenty of ladies tend to assume that if a man is desiring them, that this means this is the answer to what makes a high value woman.

And that is why a lot of women (including myself!) put effort into using makeup and clothing the best way they can. Some women use plastic surgery to try to signal higher mate value.

But a lot of that is great for first impressions, but it doesn’t keep men around. Wouldn’t you agree?

And here’s a question for you: do you think those things are the answer to how to be valued by a man?

Don’t get me wrong, attraction triggers are incredibly powerful. I mean, I have a whole program on the 17 Attraction Triggers. 

There’s nothing wrong with triggering sexual attraction in men, however it doesn’t get you what your heart really wants with men.

So what I’m saying is, being desired is very different to being valued by a man. 

This is not to deny that every man is unique and different, just as every woman is different. We all have our personal likes and preferences.

However, some signs of high mate value are universal. 

Some signs surpass all social conditioning and modern politically correct thinking.

There are definitely general, but important things that make you a high value woman in the eyes of the male population at large. 

And yes, these apply to men in all cultures and races. 

So what D.Shen and I have done here is we’ve broken down this elusive term ‘high value’ into 3 separate categories so that it is easy to understand and easy to take action upon.

Here are the 3 keys areas that makes you a high value woman to men…

1: Health & Radiance value

2: Social Value

3: Spiritual value.

Here’s a quick contrast between high value (highly desirable Vs undesirable) traits in women:

how to be a high value woman in dating

Value type #1: HEALTH & Radiance VALUE

Let’s talk about number 1, health and radiance value. 

Now, all you ladies who are above 50 or 60 years old, bear with me here, because I know that at that stage of life, you might feel like you are passed all the “young and healthy” or “reproductive value” stuff and are into a different stage of life. 

However, I wanted to share that having health and radiance value or reproductive value isn’t just about being of reproductive age or being below 50 years old, it is about having bundles of energy, being healthy, being responsive and alive and being fit. 

Fitness and aliveness simply has no age.

And I don’t mean fit like you have to go to the gym 7 days a week, I mean fit to function, as opposed to being constantly sick and run down. 

We actually have a program called the 17 Attraction Triggers which is one of our most popular programs for many years now, and a lot of these attraction triggers are based upon improving your health and radiance value.

We’re not going to delve into the nitty gritty here, but I want you to start thinking about what really reflects a sense of health, energy and radiance in a woman?

I’ll give you an example. 

Your posture, your gait or the way you walk, all give little subtle signs of the health of your body and any potential disease.

Here’s the good news, there’s always something you can do to improve this area of your life.

You can perhaps start juicing some vegetables, eat less processed foods and really start to look after your body and mind. 

Here’s an article and some videos we made on the 3 steps to instant good posture. 

value type #2: SOCIAL VALUE

Now let’s talk about the next category of value… social value. 

There’s a distinction I want to make first… You can have more superficial social value, and you can have deeper social value. 

What is the more superficial social value? 

It is signs that you have people around you who like you or want to hang out with you. 

Now, of course, people can hang with you for all the wrong types of reasons, so that’s why this is superficial social value. (in fact, having low value friends is not a good idea for your health and your life altogether).

Having social value is also being able to converse, and generally having the energy to invest in being a sociable woman. 

There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. CLICK HERE to find out what they are.

Deeper social value lasts long-term

Deeper social value is the social value that really lasts long term. 

It’s the good stuff. Deeper social value is that regardless of whether you have anyone around you or not – it’s your consistent, genuine desire to connect with people. 

A lot of people have a lot of friends around them, but some of those friends may actually be low value friends.

Not only that, but some of those “friends” are only in a mutual “friendship” to further their agenda or to look good and seem high status. 

They are not really close friends.

It’s rare to have truly close friends, at least in the traditional meaning of the word “close”. 

As long as you have a genuine desire to connect with others, it doesn’t matter whether you are paralysingly shy, or have intense anxiety. What matters is that your heart and actions are in the right place: to connect. 

If you have a desire and intention to connect, and are not just in it for yourself, then you will learn along the way about how to socialise and you will calibrate as you go along. 

There’s no right or wrong when you have the best intentions. 

Hold yourself like you ‘matter’…

Also, the more you feel capable to connect, the more you will hold yourself like you matter. 

When you hold yourself like you matter – the way you speak, stand and walk – the more you’ll send signals to the world that you are a high value woman.

How do you not just act like you matter, but actually matter in a social scene? 

You add value to others. 

Stand tall and proud to be you. Standing tall with good posture, and holding yourself like you matter is also one of the principles of how to be a classy lady.

If you do not feel much pride or confidence, then do one thing that scares you every day. 

Are you scared of something but you should really do it? 

Then DO IT.

You only get to truly hold yourself like you matter, when you develop depth of pride and confidence by making yourself do difficult things. 

When you internally know what you’ve made yourself do, you naturally feel a sense of pride and confidence and self respect. It’s that internal pride that you’re looking for. 

value type #3: SPIRITUAL VALUE

Lastly there is Spiritual value. And this is not about sitting in a quiet corner and meditating, nor is it about acting morally better than others. 

It is about your ability to give outside of yourself. 

Spiritual value is all about you having a desire to want to meet a man at his level. 

It is your ability to get out of yourself and understand and relate to and connect with him (but also yourself and other humans of course).

CLICK HERE to LEARN the One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Masculine Man That Inspires Him to Want to Take Care of You, Worship You and Deeply Commit to You.

Spiritual Value is about US

Spiritual value is not about taking for yourself – it is about us. 

It’s about being generous.  It’s about the team, it’s about caring deeply, outside of yourself. 

Of course spiritual value includes all the traditional images of what it means to be spiritual: like having compassion.

However, it’s really one dimensional and not to mention frustrating and restricting to try to keep up with an image that you are a compassionate person all the time. So that’s not what Im talking about here.

Being spiritual is also about respecting, deeply appreciating and connecting with humans and life at all levels. This means that what you fear, you can also appreciate. 

Being a high value woman is about acting from the heart

To be spiritual also means to be able to fluidly connect with and act from your heart whether you are being so called slutty with a man, angry with a man, or being loving and nurturing with a man. 

Just because you are angry doesn’t mean you can’t be angry from the heart.

Do you understand what I mean?

So it’s about becoming and accepting every part of yourself so that there’s more of you to give. 

Here’s a video I made on the 3 Undercover Ways to be More High Value Over Other Women & Get Him to Choose YOU.

Every part of you has incredible value to give…and when you can access more parts of you, then there will be a wider range of value you can offer. 

Now obviously there’s a lot more we can talk about on these 3 areas of value.

The 3 areas of value continued…

We’ve been teaching these 3 areas for the last 11 years now in a few of our programs. In that time, we’ve found that once we are able to break this elusive concept of high value down into these 3 actionable categories, then things become TANGIBLE.

If you want to learn more about showing up as a high value woman, I recommend you delve deeply into our program ‘Commitment Control’, which helps you easily inspire emotional commitment from men.

Regardless, I wish you all the best and I’ll speak to you real soon.



By the way, I’ve just published a new program titled “Becoming His One & Only!”…Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only.

P.P.S. Connect with me on social media

Our new Facebook Group is here… Join the “High Value Feminine Women” Community using this link

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Caring about others is being seen as soft and crying is being seen as weak. In the Caribbean, women are taught not only to have jobs and a good education but to have everything in control and keep their mouths shut when they are hurt especially by infidelity because it is their fault they are hurt. I act from the heart, Renee and it’s being taken for granted, even if I stand up for myself it’s being seen as arrogant, rough, cold and impatient. When you meet a man at his level are you accepting his low level or self… Read more »


Isn’t pleasing a man low value? Every time I please a guy just because I want him to feel good not because I fear losing him it always leaves me feeling compromised and further from myself. I end up getting in trouble too because then they see it as weakness and backsliding from my Christian faith. I do have a virus that causes me to be extra cautious about sexual intimacy and this guy uses it against me and because I have PCOs has gotten another girl pregnant telling her that I’m barren. So she took my number from his… Read more »


You’re the most amazing woman. I love the way you think and view life in general and how you make it so simple in understanding the human form.




Love your work xx

Elaine Asare - Danso
Elaine Asare - Danso

Yes, kindly send me a copy please

wondering angel
wondering angel





Yes, please send me the DVD!


Yes please!




YES. I would love to get my hands on your DVD


Yes, please 🙂
I’d love to watch your new dvd.


has it been released yet? how can we get notified of its uploading? Lol, I’m too excitedd!!

Reply to  Renee Wade

I am on your list and I receive your emails, so I’ll be notified! Yay 😀



Chelsey Matlock
Chelsey Matlock

Yes!! Thank you for this tangible information!


Yes! Thank you for such amazing work!


Yes! I would like to learn more. Thank you for your insightful videos.

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