Article updated 2018
“Become the kind of person that other people want to love.”
This seems like such a weird statement to make. Shouldn’t we just be loved for who we are?
Well, here’s the truth: What makes someone love you more is essentially also what fosters a beautiful connection with them.
So by putting even just 1 or 2 of these unusual tips to use, you are not only potentially inspiring a man to love you more, you are actually becoming more and more skillful at creating deep connection with men (and secretly, with any human!).
And that’s what this is about. It’s about not only doing things that make you more high value and loveable, but it’s about appreciating and understanding that there are some things you can do which naturally make a man feel more connected to you, make him WANT to stick by you like bees to honey, and yes, inspire him to love you more through this connection.
Some people are just more loveable, aren’t they? It has nothing to do with our worth – we are all worthy, but some people’s behaviour and patterns just make it harder to love them….I’m sure you’ve experienced this in your own life, right?
What is it they say? Love is a verb. I’d say love is a practise. Just like serving ourselves and being all about me, me me is a practise. It’s just an easier practice for all of us to retreat into ourselves (into our thoughts, our wants, etc) than it is to inspire more love and connection.
Love is a harder practise. And it’s a decision you make to practice it, just as serving ourselves is, too. But it’s not the kind of practise that you’ll regret on your death-bed.
So in this article, I’m not really asking you to be someone you’re not, because the truth is, you already are everything. You have everything inside of you that you need right now to become the best version of you.
I’m just suggesting some things for you to consider using in your life, to deepen your relationship with a man (or a woman if you see fit).
Check these out and see if you’re brave enough to try some of them! And do let me know in the comments which ones you already do, and which new ones you will be putting into practise soon!
1: Self deprecation/laugh at yourself
We all want to be capable and skillful at something as humans. Why? Because it makes us feel like we are enough. And at the heart of our desire to feel like we are enough, is the desire to be loved and even to feel powerful.
Everyone knows the struggle for feeling ‘enough’, because we’ve all been there, we all still feel like we’re not enough from time to time. Some of us more than others.
But to use self deprecating statements and humour is to kind of rise above all the nonsense in a way, and it’s a way of endearing yourself to others. It’s a way to say ‘hey, I’m not here to be uptight, to compete, to be threatening, I’m here to have fun.” (And hopefully to help you lighten up too!)
Self deprecation is also an easy way to inspire a man to relate to you.
How can you not love someone who laughs at themselves? Ok my bad. Some people hate you regardless of what you do, but laughing at yourself and self deprecation is definitely a way to bond you to others, and to reduce their defences as well as your own!
How can you not love someone who clearly places connection before their own feeling of worthiness?
How can you not love someone who is willing to laugh about their perceived inadequacies and doesn’t judge themselves for it? If you are able to show that you don’t judge yourself, then he will trust and love you more, because he will feel that you also won’t judge him.
Here’s some examples of self deprecation that will reduce tension, bring down his defenses and remove yours and a man’s masks. (These are to be used with a man whom you trust to not abuse, use or put you down. If a man has a history of putting you down and he enjoys it, please DO NOT use these on him!)
Examples of self deprecation…
Damn. I can’t come up with any examples. But I’m normally a bit daft anyway so who is surprised here?
“How do you do that? If I tried that, I’d fall flat on my face!”
“Wow that’s nuts, just like me!”
2: Be helpless
One of the most endearing qualities of certain animals, is that they are completely helpless.
I’ll use quails for example. Random, I know. But I use them as an example because we have at least 20 of them in our household, and they are just that: small, super cute and somewhat helpless at times. They can peck if they want to, they can fly to an average ability compared to other birds if they want to, but if a fox tries to catch them and eat them…well, the fox has a hell of a lot more power than they do, and it’s this power difference that also makes them helpless in certain contexts.
The animals we want to take care of the most are often the ones who seem the most helpless. And because we want to take care of them, we are more invested in them and tend to love them more. And we hate anyone or anything that wants to hurt them.
Embodying the feeling of helplessness can be incredibly valuable. Now, I’m not talking about victim mentality. Always taking the place of the victim is not helplessness; that’s a pattern of behaving.
True helplessness is a spontaneous response to life. This doesn’t mean you should be helpless all of the time, and advertise yourself constantly as a helpless human, because that’s ridiculous. And so anti feminist, right?
But it does mean that you should be comfortable with all parts of you, and all feelings that come up. Who you naturally are is likely somewhat helpless at certain times and in certain contexts. It’s about surrendering to those times.
I remember many years ago, my husband and I were at the airport waiting for a flight. The waiting area was quite empty. We’d been together already 5 years and had never been on a holiday together. Whilst I took a toilet break, I came back and found that he was not sitting where I last saw him. He was nowhere to be seen.
He was playing a trick on me, and hiding whilst watching me from afar. I didn’t know this at the time, and as the minutes went by, I kept composure. But according to him, as he recalls it with tears in his eyes, even to this day, he remembers how helpless and scared I looked for those several minutes while I tried to stay calm, but inside I was trembling and worried that something bad had happened to him and that I was going to be left at the airport all alone.
Now, am I like this all the time? Absolutely not. But I certainly am helpless at certain moments, and that has only added to my bond with my incredible husband.
By the way, just for you ‘double standard’ Nazis out there – can a MAN make a woman love HIM more by revealing his helplessness? Absolutely. It’s a universal trait that inspires more connection and love and commitment. But you already knew that.
It might be harder for women to accept the helpless part of men, because inside we already feel so helpless ourselves at times…and we need his protection. But when we feel safe and secure, when we aren’t judging him, we can handle those odd moments of vulnerability and helplessness in a man.
I know modern feminists believe that men want to take advantage of women who seem helpless, and that may be the case with some men, no doubt. But the point of this is not to reveal your helplessness to just every man and any man – it is to be attuned to him, and feel whether he is willing to allow and protect your helplessness.
Believe it or not, your total helplessness in certain moments can potentially give men access to their protective emotions and it gives them access to love in its purest form. Some might say it also makes him feel more manly.
Now, I know what you’re gonna say – “But I’ve tried to be helpless in the past, and the man was derogatory towards me! Or critical/abusive towards me” – that’s a very good point.
Well, the point is that there’s a difference between real, raw expressions of helplessness and superficial ‘shows’ of helplessness that is used as a way to manipulate a man. Superficial shows of helplessness are the helplessness that you don’t embody.
The simple thing about it is that if you don’t actually feel helpless at the time, then you’re not being helpless at all.
So ask yourself today: “When was the last time I secretly felt helpless inside? Do I have the courage to surrender to that?”
Sure, some men don’t respond to helplessness. Some men and women abuse helplessness.
This is why it is incredibly important to be attuned (to not be stuck in your own head and to feel if a man truly cares for you or not). This is why it’s important to not show helplessness to virtual strangers, to be smart about it, and use your gut instinct.
Yes, some people will take advantage of your helplessness….men or women. But if a man does love you, he will respond to, and love your moments of helplessness.
Also, ask yourself – IS this man the type of man to use me, abuse me, and take advantage of me? If you feel in your gut that the answer to that question is yes – then DON’T engage with this man. No matter how much he has to offer you on the surface.
Just because helplessness is a fantastic way to make him love you more, doesn’t mean it is also safe to do with just any man.
(What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…)
3: Offer emotional loyalty before help.
Sometimes, you need to help a man. Sometimes, you don’t. Often, we offer help without feeling the situation first. Does he really perceive value in your ‘help’?
I truly believe that yes, men do perceive value in our help, but not before we’ve shown our emotional loyalty to him first.
Which do you think holds more intrinsic value to a man? Offering your emotional and sexual loyalty? Or offering assistance to fix his problems?
That’s right. Your emotional and sexual loyalty. A man can pay someone to fix his problems, he can ask a friend for assistance to fix a problem. If he’s resourceful, he can use the internet to fix his problems. But generally speaking, if you want a relationship with a man, fixing his problems offers less intrinsic value to him than offering your true loyalty and devotion does.
Why? Well, because if you go to ‘offering help’ or ‘fixing his problem’ first, what you have to understand is that one creates more connection between you both, thereby adding to the relationship. And the other just makes you feel more worthy and in control, whilst possibly making him feel emasculated.
Connection is worth more than problem solving.
Your loyalty requires courage and emotional risk to give, and it adds value to the relationship and deepens the relationship, making it sacred.
Whereas trying to help fix a problem (or show your ability to provide for HIM) just makes you feel more worthy. It doesn’t necessarily make your offering more valuable to a man.
Worthy and high value are very different things. Find out the 3 things that make women high value to men in this video.
Men can fix their own problems. If at all they can’t, and you are attuned and feel love calling you to help him, then by all means, offer it. And it may be appropriate to offer your help, I’m not saying it’s never appropriate, but just be mindful that men usually want to feel capable to fix their own problems, and would rather a woman was loyal and loving. Here’s more about what makes a high value girlfriend.
There’s just a whole lot of value in loyalty in a relationship. The value of loyalty is going up in the world we currently live in. And when you can provide value, you are naturally more loveable. I believe humans gravitate towards those with value.
4: Compliment him on a big decision he has made
Take note of big decisions he has made and let him know that you see the risk and effort involved in making that decision. Tell him ‘you’ve made a great decision!’
Or tell him: “Wow, it took a lot of hard work and energy to make such a big decision. I appreciate and admire that.”
In doing this, you are opening yourself to a vulnerability that you may have used to be uncomfortable with. You are giving value, not taking it.
And ultimately, when you give value, you are high value.
5: Respond with your feminine energy. And lots of it.
He says something that pleases you? Notice how it feels in your body, and let that feeling manifest itself in your voice and actions.
The way he walks makes you feel rocket bursts of love inside you? Then rocket burst with that feeling.
Does your man’s presence make you swoon? Is something he did just so wonderful to you that you could dance? Then physically and emotionally dance. Swoon for him and let your body show that swoon, in whatever way you feel that swoon.
His actions make you hurt? Then let that pain be seen by him. No explaining. Just feeling. That’s your responsive feminine energy.
To do this, you’ll need to try to remove any blockages that you subconsciously have in expressing the energy and love that courses through your body at any masculine expression that moves you.
This can be tricky, because most of us have a huge backlog of unfelt emotions, and so when we try to be responsive, it can come out wrong, or come out as blame or as if we are unleashing everything on to a man.
So I would say that to get good at this, you might need to feel some backlog of emotions first. That means to feel through the hurt, anger, and any past pain that you ignored. Sometimes it helps to feel past happiness as well, so it’s not all just about feeling through the bad emotions (we just tend to really avoid them).
A lot of men are dying for this kind of aliveness and responsiveness in their woman. A man can feel far more manly and feel a lot more freedom with you when you’re at least being responsive, as compared to if you were being ungenerous with your energy and closed off.
Disclaimer 1: You have to connect to the spontaneous energy that moves through your body in response to a man, not to your habitual patterns of acting. For example…if the primary emotion you’re feeling in the moment with a man is vulnerability or scared….but you don’t actually feel that or show that primary emotion – things might be a bit harder for you with men.
If say, your pattern is that you go to anger before any other emotion – and that’s your pattern, then you’ll create more distance rather than love and connection. Ask me how I know!
Disclaimer 2: You may not feel much trust for the man you are with, and therefore not want to show much responsiveness and feminine energy through your body. That’s ok. And I understand that. If that is the case, then go slowly, and give your energy a little bit first and see how he responds first. If he opens more to you, then you’ll know you’re getting somewhere.
If he is like a minority of men who don’t care for feminine energy, or who try to oppress your spontaneous expression of joy or pain (oppress really means to make it wrong), then don’t respond to that by dulling yourself. Instead, try to appreciate that HE cannot appreciate your feelings or energy. And make a decision from there.
If you can’t figure it out, just go with what your gut is telling you.
OK, that’s all for this article. Please do leave me a comment below and let me know which of these you have experience doing yourself, and which of these strategies you want to put into practise soon!
(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s free. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)
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