Should A Man Provide for A Woman 100%? Or is 50/50 OK?

Should the Man Provide for a Woman 100%? Or is 50/50 OK?

This question, or some variation of it, keeps circulating in my facebook group for High Value Feminine Women. 

Due to the fact that this question produces polarising discussion, there’s always a small number of women who inevitably insult other women for having 50/50 relationships. 

I understand. Some women have been through the wringer with the wrong kinds of men.

After having these painful experiences, they assume that because their ex boyfriend who asked for 50/50 used and abused them, that the problem is the 50/50 setup. 

They assume that any man who suggests or wants a 50/50 setup is looking to use a woman financially and sexually. 

The Problem Is Not The 50/50 Setup, It’s THIS…

Again, we see women settling for surface, basic thinking.

Ladies, the problem is not in the 50/50 financial setup.

The problem is in the fact that you don’t have the emotional commitment that you want from the man.

And you probably don’t have it because you and this particular man are not romantically in love, forming an exclusive bond together that is impossible to break.

Yes, these bonds exist. And they can exist for you.

However, when you have enough bad experiences with men out there, you forget the heart of the issue.

You understandably become hurt and frustrated, and start pointing the finger at the wrong things, like money or 50/50 financial setups.

You can start to believe that if a man doesn’t provide 100%, then he’s not the man for you, and he’s a low value man. 

This is not true. A high value man could be in any kind of financial situation and still be a high value man!

(Much like an unfit or overweight woman can still potentially produce healthy offspring, a financially struggling man can still offer resources and be resourceful.)

Everyone knows that women want resources. We all want resources. 

See my article: Is It Smart For Women To Look For A Rich Man?

However, when we single out being 100% financially provided for as the ultimate value, and decide that if a man is not willing to do it (or can’t do it) it must be a deal breaker – then we are doing ourselves a disservice by only attracting, or looking for a transactional relationship. 

And in that situation, we aren’t looking for love. 

So, if that’s your rule, then don’t expect to find love or emotional commitment. Expect to find monetary resources and transactions, nothing else. 

Because it is only when we date for, and look for love, that we can attract a man’s full emotional commitment to us. 

Emotional commitment begins with love and connection. Here is an article I wrote on Women Who Date for Resources VS Women Who Date for True Love.

YOUR Rules for men equate to a lack of feminine radiance

In order to attract love into your life, you have to BE love and embody love and radiance.

If you don’t, you miss opportunities to fall in love and find emotional commitment.

Any woman who has rules for men to provide for her 100% is not embodying love. Nor is she feminine. She’s just got some rules!

That is not what feminine energy is. Such a rule and expectation-based attitude is actually called closure and separation.

YOUR rules for the men you date inspire more disconnects with men. Sure, you can have some preferences, values and standards.

But when you lead with this rule-based attitude, you create disconnects, and that is always low value!

And if you think that not having a rule that says a man “should” provide means you being “less than” other women, I’d suggest you to think again.

That would be like a man saying “If the women I meet don’t sleep with me on the first date, then I am less than other men.”

Respect that your rules for how men should be are YOUR rules. (They are a conversation that you are having with yourself, not with a man).

You essentially want something for yourself, in order to minimise your own vulnerability and risk. And having such an energy automatically creates a feeling of separation between you and any man. 

You create a wall between yourself and the divine connection that your heart wants to experience with a man. 

There’s many women out there who think it’s empowering to have such a rule.

But what if it’s not actually empowering?

What if it doesn’t make you a strong woman?

What if instead, it’s automatically severing any intimacy, love and bonding you can achieve with every high value man you meet? 

The more rules you have for men, the less radiant they will feel you to be. 

The less rules you have, and the more you connect to men first, the more radiant and mesmerising you will be. 

CLICK HERE to discover how much you truly live in your feminine energy with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz!

Value comes in many forms inside of a committed relationship…

There are lots of different kinds of value inside of a committed relationship where the man and woman are in love with each other. 

And this becomes especially true when you have children. 

Often, I see women who are single without children who are very big on this idea of being  financially provided for 100% by a man. 

After feeling quite shocked at the insults and judgements thrown around at other women who have 50/50 relationships, we thought we would address this topic and provide you with an answer.

Case study: Learn how Kristin went from being completely burnt out with online dating, sick of getting ghosted and completely exhausted from giving her heart and soul with nothing in return… To having high value men begging for her attention & having the most “electric” date of her entire life. (…All by changing one simple strategy.)

The goal is not always to get to a specific number…

Let me first start by saying that the aim is not to get to a specific number in the relationship. You don’t necessarily have to aim for 50/50, 40/60, 90/10 or 100%.

It’s much more important to just feel the situation and respond to how things actually are in reality. 

Each relationship enters its own rhythm and whilst you might start off paying 50/50 bills with a man, you may at some point in your relationship journey end up being provided for 100%.

I am provided for 100% by my husband. However, it was not always like this. And I never did lead with some rules that stated that it is a man’s job to “protect” and “provide”. 

I desired to be protected and provided for, like many other women out there.  

However, I did not value my rules for how he should be, before I valued him and our connection.

My husband came to this decision to provide for me 100% (and more), by himself. He chose it, and he always maintains that I “earned it”. It was never a trade.

It was never a rule, because my rules for him would not be adding any value to him.

And that’s what a lot of women don’t understand, perhaps because they don’t want to understand, or perhaps because they’ve never experienced true love with a man.

You want resources. However, the real resources you want comes from a man genuinely valuing you and being in love with you. Not from having your own selfish rule about how HE should be for you.

There are lots of other types of value within a relationship that have little to do with money. 

Do you know the dark art of “High Value Banter” that helps you quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”? CLICK HERE to learn how in this free class.

If you have a rule that men should provide 100% when you date, you are a value extractor

If you focus on what men should be and do for you, and you end up going into a relationship with a man with this rule and “standard” for how he should be providing for you financially 100% and no less, you are basically being a value-extractor.

This means that you will have no relationship altogether, because you set it up as a trade from the start.

If you enter the dating world with rules that a man has to provide 100% (as that’s his “role” or “job”), then you are a trader. 

You are not being feminine, contrary to what many women believe. 

Connection drives feminine energy. Not rules and trades. 

Connection is the lifeblood of the feminine. 

Again, there’s nothing wrong with being provided for 100% by a man.

But there will be trouble for you and for your love life, if you choose to put rules and expectations on men, and believe that this attitude will actually inspire men to truly value you.

By the way, regarding men valuing you, you may be interested in my article on How To Make Him Chase You & Value You [High Value Women Secrets] 

The Money & Your Rules Won’t Raise Your Children

If you enter a relationship with a trade in mind, that might provide you with comfort and excitement, but it will never fulfil your soul, and it will never raise your children. No amount of money will raise your children for you. 

(As a mother of three beautiful boys, I’ve realised that despite having plenty to live on, it’s not the money that’s raising them. It’s who my husband and I am, and our internal resourcefulness that is raising them.)

Resourceful parents who are in love raise children. 

THIS Is What “Standards” Are Really For!

You see, “standards” are meant for ourselves. We are meant to hold ourselves to high standards, first and foremost.  


Because this is how we inspire others, especially men, to do more for US. That’s the high value woman’s way of getting everything she dreamed of from a man. 

You are supposed to be the person who holds yourself to high standards. That’s the only long-term, sustainable way to have a high value relationship. 

You see, not only does being a value-extractor detract from your own value as a woman, when you have a transactional relationship, you will never feel emotionally secure in that relationship. 

You’ll be worried about other women wanting to ‘level up’ and steal your man. You’ll be worried about your man falling in love with someone else.

Read also: He Said Another Woman Is More Attractive Than Me. How Do I Cope? [A Guide]

These types of worries will surface for you because somewhere deep down in your heart, you’ll know that real security in a relationship comes from the quality of the connection and attraction in that relationship.

(Not through your “rules”, “standards” and “expectations” for what men should do for YOU.)

By the way, do you know that there are 7 common signs that a woman is low value in the eyes of men? If you want to know what these 7 signs are (and how to avoid them like the plague), you can find out here.  

There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. CLICK HERE to find out what they are.

Women use Rules Around Money To Compete With Other Women

You see, this topic of whether men should provide 100% financially is very triggering for a lot of men and women. 

It appears as though some women use this expectation that men SHOULD protect and provide, and provide 100% financially for a woman as a way to feel superior to other women and compete with them.

Women are acutely aware of the envy and the jealousy that a devoted husband, a rich husband, or a high status husband can trigger in other women.

(Envy is ubiquitous among women of child-bearing age, and here’s a study on that topic.).

And some women want to feed off of the envy of other women. They feel superior to other women because of it.

Not all women are like this, of course! But there are some who are like this. It is usually the ones with insecure attachment, who are disconnected from other humans, and who have trouble with intimacy that truly feed off the envy of their same sex “rivals”.

But it is the women who are too fearful of abandonment to trust love, that end up acting as though demanding that men provide 100%, is what will free their soul and make their lives infinite.

I sincerely hope that competing with other women is all they are really doing…

Because entering the dating world or entering a relationship with such expectations to be financially provided for, can not only get a woman into a lot of trouble with toxic and bad quality men, but quality relationships simply do not begin this way. 

Not to mention that if you as a person are smaller than the money that reaches your hands, the money will never stay with you. It will always leave you somehow. 

As my husband states in this new video above, when you’re dating, you should not just assume that ANY man owes any woman protection or provision. 

“Protect” and “provide” is apparently a man’s “role”, according to some women.

But if you box a man into a role, then not only do you automatically usurp his freedom to be and experience other parts of himself with you…

You’re essentially starting off the relationship as a value-sucking leech who expects men to conform to the role that you have created for them.

Let’s get this straight. 

If a man OR a woman goes into the dating world with a bunch of rules for how the opposite sex should be for them, just because they happen to inhabit the body of the opposite sex, then they are showing up low value.

A person who is showing up low value is a perpetual value-extractor, who is un-attuned, and insensitive to how their rules and expectations affect or hurt other people, especially men. 

Why does having rules for how men undermine your relationship success?

Because when you follow your rules, you cannot have attunement. 

Attunement and rules don’t work together in synergy. 

A woman who values her rules and expectations for how men should be is a woman who is insensitive and unattuned. 

And the same goes for men, by the way! A man who has a bunch of rules for how YOU should be as a woman (for him), is generally very thick, unattuned and insensitive to how you actually feel and what you actually value. 

In fact, you would consider this type of man a red flag.

These types of men have no grip on reality. Wouldn’t you agree?

And this lack of attunement is what is going to lead you to be used by men.

Your rule for him to provide for you 100% won’t protect you at all. 

learn the dark feminine art of High Value Banter here.

The more you want to take from men, the more likely you will get used by men 

I’ve noticed that some women believe that if they enter a relationship with 50/50 in mind, then that allows men to use her and abuse her.

This is highly misguided. 


Because what protects you from being used by toxic or cheap men is actually being attuned and being generous. And that’s any kind of generosity; not just financial. 

Generosity allows you to actually TEST a man to see where he is at.

Read my article: How To Test Him To See If He Cares.

Being cheap, being emotionally lazy or fearful and full of expectations actually holds you back from true connection to a man. 

I know dating is hard sometimes.

I know men have hurt you in the past.

I know there’s many men out there with bad intent.

And I’m sorry what you’ve been through with men out there. 

I understand – as I’ve been hurt, lied to, and cheated on myself (not by my husband).

However, I also know, like many other women inside of emotionally committed relationships know, that there’s plenty of wonderful, smart and good-intentioned men out there.

And these smart and good-intentioned men would NEVER just provide financially for you from the first date for the sake of it. 

They also would not 100% financially provide for you for the sake of a rule that you picked up along the way. They are not that stupid.

Smart men will be testing how you respond to their gestures to treat you, and be generous with you. They won’t just hand their money over like it is nothing at all, no matter how “rich” they are. 

In fact, the more truly rich and wealthy a man is (self made, rather than getting lucky with a rich daddy), the more he cares about your intent around his money.

This is because he worked hard to earn it. He’s the real deal, and he wants nothing less than the real deal in his woman, too.

So – be prepared, because smart men will be testing you. 

Often, it is the men with crippling low self esteem who are looking to manipulate others with money. And these men will give you money in a way that feels ‘off’, or unbalanced.

And guess what?

The more desperate you feel as a woman, the harder it will be for you to discern whether his gestures are off-balance. 

Not only that, but the more desperate you are, the more you want to take value from men – the easier it is for you to be manipulated. 

So here is my humble suggestion:

Whatever your values are, whatever your standards are, don’t settle for surface thinking and surface empowerment, because surface thinking blinds you to the truth.

Dig deeper. Take more responsibility for connecting to men and feeling where he is at.

1,000 of the most empowered rules for how men SHOULD be for you, will never increase your intelligence, sensitivity, attunement or relationship success.

And if you are a woman who has formed a deep emotional connection with a man at any point in her life, then may I ask you a question?

Is that emotional connection worth more to you? Or is money worth more to you? 


renee wade

P.S. Connect with me on social media

Our new Facebook Group is here… Join the “High Value Feminine Women” Community using this link

P.P.S. Here are 7 Common Signs A Woman is Low Value in the Eyes of Men.

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Hi, I had children quite early in life 17 when my first child was born I hadn’t even finished school was hoping to do nursing so I went back when I was 19 to get my year 12 equiv to go to uni and also got a casual job in hospitality while doing this. However I ended up having two more children closer together. So none of what I had hoped for came to fruition. There are many reasons why women aren’t finicially setup and having a children is a well documented reason let alone having a child young. Lack… Read more »


I ask men to alternate, as I temp my income is very variable. I think that is fair I have no expectation that he will take me out to lavish restaurants or buy lavish gifts. I have in the past had men that assist on 50/50 on their budget and I have put my foot down and said alternating is best as when I earn more I can pay more, when I am not earning much then I pay less. I’ve also stated that I am perfectly ok for them to take me to pret or a similar place I’ve… Read more »


Ladies, are you willing to LTR with a man that is not willing to share his financial assets, like 0 %? But he is willing to invest and provide for you intelectually, socially and give you a quality time?
Immagine a no kids scenario, it’s easier that way.


Interesting conversation. Growing up I was told that men should pay at least the first few dates. And in a relationship men should cover at least the more expenses outgoings. So that was my view. However my experience(albeit small) has shown me that a lot of men will tell you upfront that they will only go 50/50(financially) in a relationship. Yet my ex kept asking me to lend him money. I never know how to navigate in these situations because I feel taken advantage of. Asking for money because you are really struggling is one thing. Yet not knowing how… Read more »


Hi, Renee. I have a question. I am just a girl I have not enter into the university yet. And during this quarentine I use to go with my little brother to the park inside my neighborhood, and I ” fall in love” with this boy, I mean I really like him, he is nearly my age and we see each other there. Our first talk was two weeks ago, and since then we have exchange words but never like that first one. I know I like him, and he likes me, but I do not know how can I… Read more »

Reply to  Lisabeth

He is so cute, in our few talks I can talk about everything I care with him, we talk about our hopes our dreams, what do we like, its so easy to have a deep conversation with him, once that the conversation have started. But the days after the conversation is more difficult to approach each other, even if were a few meters far from the other I feel him more far away. Sometimes, a lot of times. He is with his friends, I with my little brother, and it is seems like he is ignoring me, he avoid to… Read more »

Reply to  Renee Wade

Yes, he is three months younger, but I havent make an efford to appear romantic. Even that I like him, I have never talk to him in a way different that the way I talk to my friends. But how can I know what state of cannection between us is the exatly that its needs to be? How can I measure a connection? My only friends are relatives and girls. My parents decided to make me recive particular classes insted send me to school, so I ended to became kind of shy. Thanks so much for your help.


This is tricky to me because there are so many men out there who really do want to exploit women financially. I’ve personally encountered them and have no regrets about not wanting to connect with them any more deeply. I could never feel loved by a man who would be okay with making me, or God forbid by kids, destitute. I don’t think that’s being overly transactional. I agree that a high value man can be temporarily down on his luck financially but I also think he would insist on getting his finances in order before bringing a woman or… Read more »

Reply to  Renee Wade

Thanks for the response! I think that makes a lot of sense. No I don’t think that all well off men are high value. I once dated a guy who was very well off and he used gifts to try to manipulate me. It quickly became apparent he also felt justified to be emotionally abusive due to what he felt he had to offer. So after being so turned off by him, I went for someone the total opposite of him who barely had two pennies to his name lol but it quickly became apparent that he was way too… Read more »

Jenny Rugeroni
Jenny Rugeroni

I am a bank manager in Brazil and according to some recent statistics, I earn more money than 98% of people here, and this includes my man. He is 50 years old and was raised believing that the man has to pay for 100%, while I think it is fair that both pay 50/50, as we both work. In the first years of our relationship, I would allow him to pay, because I understood that it made a difference for him. Now we agree that the one who has money should pay, but he still prefers to pay for 100%.… Read more »


This really resonates with my story! My current boyfriend didn’t have much at first when we reconnected. ( we liked each other in college but he moved away, then eventually moved closer and wanted to see me ). I was terrified because I had to drive to him (1.5hrs) he had no car and he admitted he was low on cash from the move. But he got two jobs right away and worked hard. All the fears from past relationships getting screwed over by guys came up and even women around me said I wasn’t being feminine by going to… Read more »

Reply to  Renee Wade

Aww thank you!! Yes exactly, it’s by no means been easy and with this virus money has become tight for both of us again. But we’ve really grown in our connection. I’d much rather have that than all the money in the world from a guy who’s not emotionally available! The things my man gives mean so much more because it has more value since we’ve been together through the hard times. And I will send you a picture! ? and that’s the funny thing… in the past I was so focused on marriage and all that because it was… Read more »


I disagree. I want to be a devoted wife and mother. Devoted meaning a stay at home wife/mother.

Reply to  Celine

Devotion does not mean the same for all of us.


I believe that every woman’s idea of being provided for, and providing, are going to be unique to them and their relationships. I am often assessing my ability to provide for my man in my own, perhaps feminine, way. Figure out what is important to both of you, whom will provide what. Never go into a relationship with the only intent of being given resources or being provided for. It is very much a two way street in what you both value from one another. You would feel awful if he told you that he expected sex every other day… Read more »

Reply to  Leisa

Be careful look at the real life story “Betty Broderick she helped her man whilst he got through medical school.

Once he was successful he left her for the younger secretary.
I’d say let the man pay all the bills if you living together.
If it’s not all about money then don’t financially “help” a grown man as men don’t appreciate it. Save your money so if he takes off you got your money!

Nothing wrong treating me for a take out meal but no major bills.

If he lived alone would pay his own bills

Athina Bailey
Athina Bailey

“This is not true. A high value man could be in any kind of financial situation and still be a high value man!” — So a broke man with no job can be a high value man????? Right…

Jenny Rugeroni
Jenny Rugeroni
Reply to  Athina Bailey

Considering that things change a lot in a person’s lifetime, everyone has been unemployed or short on money at some time. So this alone does not determine if a man is high value or not.

Shefali O'Hara
Shefali O'Hara
Reply to  Athina Bailey

It depends on how you define high value. I am not materialistic. I have dated millionaires who were not high value to me because they were shallow and made me feel bad. I have also dated men who were poor who really connected with me, looked out for me, treated me with love and respect… when you are part of a couple, it’s not about what you take from him. It’s about both people emotionally nurturing each other. I would rather have a poor man who genuinely loves me than a rich one who just loves himself.

Reply to  Shefali O'Hara

Excatly !!
Thats the truth … its all about true connection to this person and feeling safe .

And his love for you will always make him go deeper and deeper and do everything he can to take care of you 🙂

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