Should the Man Provide for a Woman 100%? Or is 50/50 OK?
This question, or some variation of it, keeps circulating in my facebook group for High Value Feminine Women.
Due to the fact that this question produces polarising discussion, there’s always a small number of women who inevitably insult other women for having 50/50 relationships.
I understand. Some women have been through the wringer with the wrong kinds of men.
After having these painful experiences, they assume that because their ex boyfriend who asked for 50/50 used and abused them, that the problem is the 50/50 setup.
They assume that any man who suggests or wants a 50/50 setup is looking to use a woman financially and sexually.
The Problem Is Not The 50/50 Setup, It’s THIS…
Again, we see women settling for surface, basic thinking.
Ladies, the problem is not in the 50/50 financial setup.
The problem is in the fact that you don’t have the emotional commitment that you want from the man.
And you probably don’t have it because you and this particular man are not romantically in love, forming an exclusive bond together that is impossible to break.
Yes, these bonds exist. And they can exist for you.
However, when you have enough bad experiences with men out there, you forget the heart of the issue.
You understandably become hurt and frustrated, and start pointing the finger at the wrong things, like money or 50/50 financial setups.
You can start to believe that if a man doesn’t provide 100%, then he’s not the man for you, and he’s a low value man.
This is not true. A high value man could be in any kind of financial situation and still be a high value man!
(Much like an unfit or overweight woman can still potentially produce healthy offspring, a financially struggling man can still offer resources and be resourceful.)
Everyone knows that women want resources. We all want resources.
See my article: Is It Smart For Women To Look For A Rich Man?
However, when we single out being 100% financially provided for as the ultimate value, and decide that if a man is not willing to do it (or can’t do it) it must be a deal breaker – then we are doing ourselves a disservice by only attracting, or looking for a transactional relationship.
And in that situation, we aren’t looking for love.
So, if that’s your rule, then don’t expect to find love or emotional commitment. Expect to find monetary resources and transactions, nothing else.
Because it is only when we date for, and look for love, that we can attract a man’s full emotional commitment to us.
Emotional commitment begins with love and connection. Here is an article I wrote on Women Who Date for Resources VS Women Who Date for True Love.
YOUR Rules for men equate to a lack of feminine radiance
In order to attract love into your life, you have to BE love and embody love and radiance.
If you don’t, you miss opportunities to fall in love and find emotional commitment.
Any woman who has rules for men to provide for her 100% is not embodying love. Nor is she feminine. She’s just got some rules!
That is not what feminine energy is. Such a rule and expectation-based attitude is actually called closure and separation.
YOUR rules for the men you date inspire more disconnects with men. Sure, you can have some preferences, values and standards.
But when you lead with this rule-based attitude, you create disconnects, and that is always low value!
And if you think that not having a rule that says a man “should” provide means you being “less than” other women, I’d suggest you to think again.
That would be like a man saying “If the women I meet don’t sleep with me on the first date, then I am less than other men.”
Respect that your rules for how men should be are YOUR rules. (They are a conversation that you are having with yourself, not with a man).
You essentially want something for yourself, in order to minimise your own vulnerability and risk. And having such an energy automatically creates a feeling of separation between you and any man.
You create a wall between yourself and the divine connection that your heart wants to experience with a man.
There’s many women out there who think it’s empowering to have such a rule.
But what if it’s not actually empowering?
What if it doesn’t make you a strong woman?
What if instead, it’s automatically severing any intimacy, love and bonding you can achieve with every high value man you meet?
The more rules you have for men, the less radiant they will feel you to be.
The less rules you have, and the more you connect to men first, the more radiant and mesmerising you will be.
Value comes in many forms inside of a committed relationship…
There are lots of different kinds of value inside of a committed relationship where the man and woman are in love with each other.
And this becomes especially true when you have children.
Often, I see women who are single without children who are very big on this idea of being financially provided for 100% by a man.
After feeling quite shocked at the insults and judgements thrown around at other women who have 50/50 relationships, we thought we would address this topic and provide you with an answer.
The goal is not always to get to a specific number…
Let me first start by saying that the aim is not to get to a specific number in the relationship. You don’t necessarily have to aim for 50/50, 40/60, 90/10 or 100%.
It’s much more important to just feel the situation and respond to how things actually are in reality.
Each relationship enters its own rhythm and whilst you might start off paying 50/50 bills with a man, you may at some point in your relationship journey end up being provided for 100%.
I am provided for 100% by my husband. However, it was not always like this. And I never did lead with some rules that stated that it is a man’s job to “protect” and “provide”.
I desired to be protected and provided for, like many other women out there.
However, I did not value my rules for how he should be, before I valued him and our connection.
My husband came to this decision to provide for me 100% (and more), by himself. He chose it, and he always maintains that I “earned it”. It was never a trade.
It was never a rule, because my rules for him would not be adding any value to him.
And that’s what a lot of women don’t understand, perhaps because they don’t want to understand, or perhaps because they’ve never experienced true love with a man.
You want resources. However, the real resources you want comes from a man genuinely valuing you and being in love with you. Not from having your own selfish rule about how HE should be for you.
There are lots of other types of value within a relationship that have little to do with money.
Do you know the dark art of “High Value Banter” that helps you quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”? CLICK HERE to learn how in this free class.
If you have a rule that men should provide 100% when you date, you are a value extractor
If you focus on what men should be and do for you, and you end up going into a relationship with a man with this rule and “standard” for how he should be providing for you financially 100% and no less, you are basically being a value-extractor.
This means that you will have no relationship altogether, because you set it up as a trade from the start.
If you enter the dating world with rules that a man has to provide 100% (as that’s his “role” or “job”), then you are a trader.
You are not being feminine, contrary to what many women believe.
Connection drives feminine energy. Not rules and trades.
Connection is the lifeblood of the feminine.
Again, there’s nothing wrong with being provided for 100% by a man.
But there will be trouble for you and for your love life, if you choose to put rules and expectations on men, and believe that this attitude will actually inspire men to truly value you.
By the way, regarding men valuing you, you may be interested in my article on How To Make Him Chase You & Value You [High Value Women Secrets]
The Money & Your Rules Won’t Raise Your Children
If you enter a relationship with a trade in mind, that might provide you with comfort and excitement, but it will never fulfil your soul, and it will never raise your children. No amount of money will raise your children for you.
(As a mother of three beautiful boys, I’ve realised that despite having plenty to live on, it’s not the money that’s raising them. It’s who my husband and I am, and our internal resourcefulness that is raising them.)
Resourceful parents who are in love raise children.
THIS Is What “Standards” Are Really For!
You see, “standards” are meant for ourselves. We are meant to hold ourselves to high standards, first and foremost.
Because this is how we inspire others, especially men, to do more for US. That’s the high value woman’s way of getting everything she dreamed of from a man.
You are supposed to be the person who holds yourself to high standards. That’s the only long-term, sustainable way to have a high value relationship.
You see, not only does being a value-extractor detract from your own value as a woman, when you have a transactional relationship, you will never feel emotionally secure in that relationship.
You’ll be worried about other women wanting to ‘level up’ and steal your man. You’ll be worried about your man falling in love with someone else.
These types of worries will surface for you because somewhere deep down in your heart, you’ll know that real security in a relationship comes from the quality of the connection and attraction in that relationship.
(Not through your “rules”, “standards” and “expectations” for what men should do for YOU.)
By the way, do you know that there are 7 common signs that a woman is low value in the eyes of men? If you want to know what these 7 signs are (and how to avoid them like the plague), you can find out here.
Women use Rules Around Money To Compete With Other Women
You see, this topic of whether men should provide 100% financially is very triggering for a lot of men and women.
It appears as though some women use this expectation that men SHOULD protect and provide, and provide 100% financially for a woman as a way to feel superior to other women and compete with them.
Women are acutely aware of the envy and the jealousy that a devoted husband, a rich husband, or a high status husband can trigger in other women.
(Envy is ubiquitous among women of child-bearing age, and here’s a study on that topic.).
And some women want to feed off of the envy of other women. They feel superior to other women because of it.
Not all women are like this, of course! But there are some who are like this. It is usually the ones with insecure attachment, who are disconnected from other humans, and who have trouble with intimacy that truly feed off the envy of their same sex “rivals”.
But it is the women who are too fearful of abandonment to trust love, that end up acting as though demanding that men provide 100%, is what will free their soul and make their lives infinite.
I sincerely hope that competing with other women is all they are really doing…
Because entering the dating world or entering a relationship with such expectations to be financially provided for, can not only get a woman into a lot of trouble with toxic and bad quality men, but quality relationships simply do not begin this way.
Not to mention that if you as a person are smaller than the money that reaches your hands, the money will never stay with you. It will always leave you somehow.
As my husband states in this new video above, when you’re dating, you should not just assume that ANY man owes any woman protection or provision.
“Protect” and “provide” is apparently a man’s “role”, according to some women.
But if you box a man into a role, then not only do you automatically usurp his freedom to be and experience other parts of himself with you…
You’re essentially starting off the relationship as a value-sucking leech who expects men to conform to the role that you have created for them.
Let’s get this straight.
If a man OR a woman goes into the dating world with a bunch of rules for how the opposite sex should be for them, just because they happen to inhabit the body of the opposite sex, then they are showing up low value.
A person who is showing up low value is a perpetual value-extractor, who is un-attuned, and insensitive to how their rules and expectations affect or hurt other people, especially men.
Why does having rules for how men undermine your relationship success?
Because when you follow your rules, you cannot have attunement.
Attunement and rules don’t work together in synergy.
A woman who values her rules and expectations for how men should be is a woman who is insensitive and unattuned.
And the same goes for men, by the way! A man who has a bunch of rules for how YOU should be as a woman (for him), is generally very thick, unattuned and insensitive to how you actually feel and what you actually value.
In fact, you would consider this type of man a red flag.
These types of men have no grip on reality. Wouldn’t you agree?
And this lack of attunement is what is going to lead you to be used by men.
Your rule for him to provide for you 100% won’t protect you at all.
The more you want to take from men, the more likely you will get used by men
I’ve noticed that some women believe that if they enter a relationship with 50/50 in mind, then that allows men to use her and abuse her.
This is highly misguided.
Because what protects you from being used by toxic or cheap men is actually being attuned and being generous. And that’s any kind of generosity; not just financial.
Generosity allows you to actually TEST a man to see where he is at.
Read my article: How To Test Him To See If He Cares.
Being cheap, being emotionally lazy or fearful and full of expectations actually holds you back from true connection to a man.
I know dating is hard sometimes.
I know men have hurt you in the past.
I know there’s many men out there with bad intent.
And I’m sorry what you’ve been through with men out there.
I understand – as I’ve been hurt, lied to, and cheated on myself (not by my husband).
However, I also know, like many other women inside of emotionally committed relationships know, that there’s plenty of wonderful, smart and good-intentioned men out there.
And these smart and good-intentioned men would NEVER just provide financially for you from the first date for the sake of it.
They also would not 100% financially provide for you for the sake of a rule that you picked up along the way. They are not that stupid.
Smart men will be testing how you respond to their gestures to treat you, and be generous with you. They won’t just hand their money over like it is nothing at all, no matter how “rich” they are.
In fact, the more truly rich and wealthy a man is (self made, rather than getting lucky with a rich daddy), the more he cares about your intent around his money.
This is because he worked hard to earn it. He’s the real deal, and he wants nothing less than the real deal in his woman, too.
So – be prepared, because smart men will be testing you.
Often, it is the men with crippling low self esteem who are looking to manipulate others with money. And these men will give you money in a way that feels ‘off’, or unbalanced.
And guess what?
The more desperate you feel as a woman, the harder it will be for you to discern whether his gestures are off-balance.
Not only that, but the more desperate you are, the more you want to take value from men – the easier it is for you to be manipulated.
So here is my humble suggestion:
Whatever your values are, whatever your standards are, don’t settle for surface thinking and surface empowerment, because surface thinking blinds you to the truth.
Dig deeper. Take more responsibility for connecting to men and feeling where he is at.
1,000 of the most empowered rules for how men SHOULD be for you, will never increase your intelligence, sensitivity, attunement or relationship success.
And if you are a woman who has formed a deep emotional connection with a man at any point in her life, then may I ask you a question?
Is that emotional connection worth more to you? Or is money worth more to you?
P.S. Connect with me on social media
Our new Facebook Group is here… Join the “High Value Feminine Women” Community using this link
- Here’s my Youtube Channel The Feminine Woman.
- Here’s The Feminine Woman Facebook page…
- Here’s my Instagram Pages TheFeminineWoman & My Personal Instagram.
P.P.S. Here are 7 Common Signs A Woman is Low Value in the Eyes of Men.
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.