How to build an emotional connection with a man? You must go beyond small talk and boring chatter to a deeper, more exciting conversation.
I use the word “conversation”, but that kind of cheapens the whole idea around building emotional connection…because true deep emotional connection goes way beyond just a conversation.
A conversation is the beginning of it all, but true emotional connection involves you and a man going deep into a whole other dimension.
A dimension where you create this special bubble that is untouchable by any outsiders.
A connection so deep and so distinctive that he will never be able to experience that with any other woman!
If you wonder how to connect with a man on an emotional level, here’s how:
First you need to break the ice, and then you establish a banter that allows you both to express and experience your ‘dark’ sides.
How do you do this exactly?
You communicate in a way that he understands, and that inspires him to be more drawn to you and inspired to be emotionally attached to you.
To achieve this, you need to use playful banter, or what we call the dark feminine art of high value banter. My husband and I wrote an article on how to banter here.
It’s a great thing that you want to know how to connect emotionally with men, because a lot of women don’t care about it.
Instead of caring about the connection, they just care about what they can get from a guy. (In other words, they’re perpetual leeches, or value extractors – and this is what we call a low value woman. Why low value? Because she’s a value extractor).
By the way, there Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?
CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
Emotional Connection And Emotional Attraction Go Hand-In-Hand
Let me establish something important:
You need to know that building deep emotional connection with men goes hand in hand with building emotional attraction.
They are different things for sure, but there’s also a big overlap between them.
Which means that when you create emotional attraction with a man, you are also creating emotional connection with him!
With that said, here are the top 5 signs he feels emotionally connected.
5 Signs a man is emotionally connected to you
- He wants to be physically and emotionally close to you (eg: he leans in closer to you).
- He feels what you feel.
- He cares about how you are, not just how you make him feel.
- He cares about what you care about.
- When you talk, his eyes focus on yours intently (like nothing else around him matters).
Here’s The Problem We See A Lot In Our Line Of Work…
There are so many attractive, confident and well-respected women who don’t know how to communicate well with a man.
As a result…?
They find themselves getting older alone, confused as to why they’ve never had that “luck” with men… even though they have everything else they could ever wish for.
Great bunch of friends, tick.
Fulfilling career, tick.
Not an emotional mess, tick.
But a loving relationship with a man? Nope.
We once had a member who was a very successful female attorney in New York. She made a lot of money, had a lot of great friends in influential circles, yet no one wanted to date her.
She didn’t know why.
It wasn’t that she was unattractive. She was in fact tall, slim and very attractive.
She was very smart, articulate and a true high achiever. There was no doubt she would be a “great catch” on paper and tick off many boxes for most men.
But for some strange reason it never translated to real life for her.
…And this was happening to many of her other professional peers too.
Surely this shouldn’t be happening right? These women have so much to offer, so why are they still struggling?
How To Connect Emotionally With Men: It Isn’t Enough To Be Confident
Let me share something very important with you… (I want you to remember this!)
It isn’t enough to be confident, know your own value and be happy (whatever that may mean to you).
Don’t get me wrong, being confident is great!
Being happy deep down inside is also wonderful.
But these things will never inherently help you connect deeper with a man.
Because men are not like women.
They see life through masculine filters and as such, miscommunication and misinterpretation is the rule when it comes to communicating with men, not the exception.
Being confident and happy with your own life serves you within yourself.
But to connect deeply with a man in romance, you have to reach far beyond yourself.
What you really need is the skill and ability to establish a deep connection with a man, and the skill of cultivating emotional attraction quickly.
You see, this specific skill is very different to almost all the other skills you need in the rest of your life, especially professionally.
There is no hard and fast rule when it comes to love, attraction and romance.
It’s about feeling and being attuned to the other person and taking your next step based on how emotionally attuned you are.
Here Is How To Build A Deep Emotional Connection With A Man
Instead you need to lead with playfulness, and via playfulness you can enter deeper realms with a man. Deeper realms that reveal both of you dark and light sides.
Because just aiming to be nice, polite or “good” is frankly, boring in the eyes of decent men.
(Sorry to say, but it’s true. Ask any man who isn’t a controlling, abusive narcissist whether he thinks playfulness in a woman inspires him to want to interact with her more!)
Being polite and nice doesn’t create the sense of playful uncertainty that is needed in order to start momentum in a conversation.
By momentum, I mean momentum that leads towards building emotional connection and emotional attraction.
To get to that place of emotional attraction and emotional connection, you have to bring some playfulness to the table, because playfulness is exciting, it’s unpredictable and doesn’t come with a list of 21 rules or expectations.
In fact, playfulness is the precursor to any real emotional attraction.
You cannot get to real emotional attraction unless and until you tap into your playful self.
That is how you are able to add value to men in high value ways.
So, if a man hasn’t contacted you in a while, remember you can always add value whilst reaching out to him.
You can reach out in playful ways that don’t potentially look to take value.
If Your Interactions Are Filled With Playfulness, Here’s What Happens…
So here’s the bigger picture:
If your interactions and your dates were filled with playfulness, excitement and a sense of joy, then men would naturally want to contact you as soon as humanly possible.
Chances are, he has probably already contacted you before you even made it home!
That is exactly what happens, because of emotional attraction and emotional connection.
How To Build A Deep Emotional Connection: Avoid THIS
Avoid being boring.
You can’t bore someone into a relationship. It doesn’t work that way.
Instead, I want you to start to identify with the darker parts of your personality. The parts of you that don’t follow the rules.
(…Because sometimes you have to break all the rules that you’ve ever known for real connection and attraction to take place.)
If you’ve been unable to create a deeper sense of connection and attraction with the men in your life, then allow me to introduce to you and teach you the “dark art” of Attraction Pebbles.
Connect With Men On An Emotional Level: Throw An Attraction Pebble
Attraction Pebbles are small phrases or gestures that you can use to instantly add more playfulness and excitement to your conversation.
Here’s an example we teach often:
You: “Do you know what I love about you?”
You: Absolutely nothing! [insert playful emoji here]
This lady used this example, and he asked her out on the spot. Have a look:
See how she used her dark side in a playful way, and that created excitement and a feeling of momentum in the conversation?
This is how women are able to kick start emotional bonding with a man. The playfulness creates a unique environment where emotional connection can grow.
But why do we call it a “dark art”?
It’s because by using these Attraction Pebbles, you know that you won’t always come across as “nice” or “good”. (…And that’s a really good thing.)
It’s because by tapping into your dark side, you’ll be able to communicate directly to a much deeper, more primal part of men too.
The part within men where all their real desires, passions and masculinity resides.
So if you want to learn the “dark art” of Attraction Pebbles, then here’s the good news…you can join us in our online program “Attraction Pebbles” here.
CLICK HERE to discover the ONE PHRASE you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! (Works like magic in a high vale non-needy way!)
How To Connect With A Man Emotionally?
Bring Out The BEST In Him.
In order to appeal to a man’s emotions and kickstart emotional bonding with him, then allow yourself the freedom to speak straight to his real desires and passions.
It doesn’t have to be sexual. It’s not really meant to be sexual at the start when you’re getting to know each other!
It just has to be playful.
Don’t be too nice and pleasant due to a fear of losing men, because remember, that’s boring and uninspiring to men!
Too many women are too afraid and hold themselves back, trying to not ‘lose’ a guy.
Here’s the unfortunate truth:
Trying to avoid losing a guy makes you blend in with all the other women.
What other women?
Women who are quietly trying very hard to hang onto any half decent man they can get, at the expense of the emotional connection and emotional attraction in the relationship.
So I invite you to try out our attraction pebbles program today, and you can even take our free class on the dark feminine art of high value banter here.
Doesn’t Vulnerability Build Deep Emotional Connection With A Man?
Since publishing this article, a couple of people have asked me about the role of vulnerability in creating emotional connection with a guy.
Doesn’t vulnerability do the job of connecting emotionally with a man?
The answer is yes, it does, and no it doesn’t. It depends on the timing and the context.
Also, bantering is actually the ideal way to get to deep emotional connection when dating a guy.
It speaks straight to men, because that’s closer to their own equilibrium.
They’re already used to such method of communicating (because banter is normal in the realm of male communication).
High value banter also opens the door to deeper conversations.
If you know my work at all, you’ll remember that I’ve written dozens of articles and produced multiple programs addressing how to use high value vulnerability to connect with men.
So I’ve covered that topic extensively already. But here’s what we as women have to know (or else you’ll get left behind in the dating world)…
When it comes to knowing how to emotionally connect with a man, you have to consider that he is a man.
You’re dating a man, right?
Which means that you can’t always jump straight to deep vulnerability, you can’t count that as the only way of creating an emotional bond with a man.
I know that especially for the women who have followed my work for years, vulnerability is what we as women want to count on and rely on.
It feels less energy intensive to try to be vulnerable with a man (and it’s easier) than learning to banter or be playful. Even moreso when you’re typically a very serious human.
But always remember: the key to a real broadband connection with a guy is to be able to connect via multiple avenues.
Because guys aren’t always ready to jump straight to the serious stuff. Sometimes they need a little warming up.
Much like how men want to push women for sex – but women need warming up to get there. We can’t just jump straight to it – until enough trust and connection has been built up first.
So always remember that vulnerability with you is something guys will need to gradually work up to.
In the meantime, don’t shun banter. It may be the lifesaver when you’re trying to stand out from the sea of women and catch that high value man!
Frequently Asked Questions On Building Emotional Connection With A Man
How Do You Know If You Have An Emotional Connection With A Man?
You know you have an emotional connection with a man when:
- He feels for you and with you.
- He really wants to be with you even when sex is not involved.
- He doesn’t exhibit the 6 burning signs a man doesn’t want a relationship with you.
How To Build Intimacy With A Man?
- Understand that building intimacy with a man is different to building intimacy with women (at least initially, and especially in the early stages of dating).
- Then start incorporating high value banter into your communication, because it opens the door to deeper connection and deeper conversation.
- Be playful. (Yes, being playful is vulnerable and scary sometimes. That’s ok. Life isn’t always going to feel safe, and nothing worth having exists within the margins of your comfort zone.)
How To Connect With Emotionally Unavailable Man?
- Be more emotionally resourceful yourself first. This means that you have to take care of yourself, fill yourself and your needs up first as well as process your own emotions first.
- Find anything that means something to him, and take an interest in it. It will add value to him and help him open up.
- Escalate the connection by incorporating your sense of playfulness into it. If the moment is more serious, ask a deeper question about the thing that means something to him (so that he feels connected).
- Finally, moving forward, you must accept where he’s at emotionally. You can’t force an emotionally unavailable man to commit to you right now. But you can give him the space he needs to be himself (even if it’s not the version of him that you need).
What did you think of this article? Any thoughts or concerns to share? Leave them in the comments below!
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.