Why Men Love Blowjobs?

Why Men Love Blowjobs

Seriously… Why Do Men Really Love Blowjobs?

This article is not meant to be rude or offensive in any way. My aim is to help women become better women, and part of this is helping women understand more about men, what men want and why they want it.

Despite this being a sensitive topic, I hope we can all approach it with a little light-heartedness and let us remember that oral sex has been around for many, many years. I am also not condoning promiscuity, nor telling women they have to give their man oral sex. Ultimately, this is the woman’s personal choice.

My message is not for promiscuity or casual sex; I do not condone this. I condone healthy, strong committed and passionate relationships where each party does not reject the sexual essence of the other, and they each understand how the masculine and feminine energies operate. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

Just as men sometimes have difficulty understanding why women are such emotional creatures, and don’t know how to deal with our ‘ocean of emotion’, a lot of women have trouble understanding the reason behind men wanting sex/blow-jobs, and put a man’s interest in sex down to the fact that they’re pigs, or that that’s ‘all they care about’, that that is all they want, and think they’re self-serving creatures who want it just because it feels good.

It is also widely known that the male and female sex drive are hard to reconcile. Women sometimes have a lot of trouble opening up to their men, and put it down to the fact that they ‘just don’t feel like it’. This is fair enough, women have crazy hormonal cycles, and find it hard to make time to focus on sex sometimes. We all know sex is extremely important to most men, but we don’t all really know truly why this is the case.

In fact, if you want a man to totally and completely commit to you, then this type of sexual intimacy is going to increase the likelihood of that happening to you.

If we can all have a bit more understanding and appreciation for the male sex, this will make it a much smoother ride for all of us, and we’ll be able to experience more freedom in our intimate relationships, once we truly understand and honor the differences between the sexes, and respect and understand what fills them up rather than fear and reject a man’s need for sex.

Dispelling the Myths

No, it’s not JUST because it feels good. Although, this is definitely a part of why men love oral sex so much, too. At first instance, most women think that men love it because they don’t have to do anything themselves, and can just sit back wait for the woman to do all the work. Without being crass, as this is not my intention, if it was because they don’t have to do anything themselves, then why don’t men get their pet dog to do it for them? (read my article about why you shouldn’t deprive your man of sex)

Indeed, if you ask a man why he wants oral sex so much, he probably won’t always be able to articulate exactly why he does. Men aren’t always as good as women are at decoding and expressing their own feelings and needs. (Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

To put it simply, and generally, the basic reason why men love being given oral sex is because it is one of the ultimate feminine acts of love. Let me explain why below.

An Act of Submission

The first reason is submission. In order for you to give your man oral sex, you have to be vulnerable to him, and you have to submit to him. This is one quick way for a man to feel more like a man;  having a woman give him oral sex.

The visual aspect of submission is also a factor. For example, if a woman kneels before a man, this indicates that she is completely submitting to him, and giving him power/letting him dominate.

Of course, the act of giving a man a blow job is a feminine act (if she cares about him), as a woman has to (at least to large extent)  be in her feminine (although not always, as some women are closed when they do it, and do it out of obligation) in order to actually give him oral sex. It is possible to shut down and remove yourself from the experience and not be fully present with your man when you are doing it. (read my article about how to be submissive for love)

A Symbol of Vulnerability

In order to give a man oral sex, a woman has to be vulnerable to him. In fact, she has to open to him and be comfortable with being vulnerable to him. Of course, some women engage in oral sex out of obligation, or feel that they have to in order to please their man, so they do it.

In other words, their heart is not in it. If a woman’s heart is not in it, and she’s doing it on autopilot, then she is not fully vulnerable to him, and the man will sense this, although he will most likely not want to accept that she is doing it out of obligation.

The concept of vulnerability goes hand-in-hand with the idea of trust. The masculine energy/men has a real need to be trusted. And of course, if you are comfortable being fully vulnerable to him, then this indicates that you are trusting of him.

Admiration

Another reason is that the act of being given oral sex is a symbol of admiration for the man. Without being rude or unnecessarily graphic, a man’s penis is as close to the heart of his manhood as you can get. Men subconsciously or consciously see it as part of what makes them a man. If a woman rejects this part of him, it leads him to think that she is not attracted to him, or that she doesn’t love him.

Perceived Love

Women often perceive love in different things than what men do (obviously). A woman may perceive love in a man taking the time to listen to her, buy her gifts, take her out, commit to her, protect her, talk to her, put her first, hug her, caress her, call her, write her letters, making the first move, being the rock and the leader in the relationship, complimenting her, etc.

Whilst many of these things are important to men too, men also perceive great love in being given oral sex and having sex in general. They are not so much talkers like women are, and perceive that a woman loves him if she does have sex with him regularly. (Not always – but I’m not condoning casual sex here – I’m referring to those in a relationship).

There are many ways to express love. In this respect, men speak a different language of love, and it is no use telling a man you love him, and admire him (which is always fantastic, by the way!) if you will not open up to him sexually. If a man loves a woman, he craves for her to be open to him/accept him, not only sexually, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually as well. (read my article about how to respect a man)

The important thing to take out of this point is that by giving your man oral sex, you are giving him love in the way that he understands it and can receive it. In order to truly give to someone, you have to understand how they perceive love, and being taken care of. It’s the same in an intimate relationship.

Although you may not always perceive love in being given oral sex by him (at least not as much as he perceives love in being given oral sex), he perceives love.This is sometimes very difficult for women to relate to, which is why I am writing this post. It’s very easy for a woman to consider a man insensitive, sleazy or selfish if he is regularly asking for sex.

And, it is often that women exclaim in confusion: ‘Why is it all about the sex?!!” It isn’t. It’s about how men perceive love, acceptance and admiration.

For many years now, men have been encouraged to reject the ‘ungentlemanly’ side of themselves which breaks the rules, and wants to engage in passionate sex with a woman.

A lot of men are afraid to ‘hurt’ their woman, and fear asking for sex, for fear of rejection.

This leads to a painful contradiction for a man. He fears rejection if he asks, yet he feels rejection anyway, when you don’t want to have sex with him. To a man, if a woman wants to have sex with him regularly, it means she loves him and is attracted to him. It’s important women understand that the masculine energy perceives importance and significance in a woman being very sexually attracted to him.

A Sense of Connection

We have already established that men don’t talk as much as women do in order to connect with other human beings. But why do men perceive so much connection in sex? The reason is because – men don’t generally communicate to other men the way women communicate with other women (and men). It’s hard for a man to go to his guy friends to talk, to connect and to feel loved.

The masculine energy is all about getting things done, moving on to the next challenge, putting an end to things – and letting go. The feminine energy doesn’t let go, it holds on. This holding on entails the emotional side of things. We are much more emotional creatures, and simply don’t need sex to feel regularly connected to other human beings. (Not that men cannot connect with others through talking too).

The difference is that men do. This is one of the primary ways in which men can feel connected to, and loved by their woman.

Some women are uncomfortable with the idea of giving their man a blow-job, because they dislike being vulnerable (not that they consciously use these words).

They hate being asked for it, and they unfortunately start to make their man feel bad about his need for sex, and because the man loves the woman, he slowly rejects the intensely sexual part of himself in order to feel more loved and accepted by her, and in order not to ‘hurt’ her.

The reality is that the masculine energy is very much driven by sex. This doesn’t have to mean that men always just want to have sex, no, no! Sexual energy can be used in many other ways to benefit an intimate relationship.

Living in your Feminine

To put it very simply, if a woman lives mainly in her feminine, and appreciates and chooses to understand rather than reject the masculine energy – she will have no trouble understanding and even appreciating, loving and enjoying the fact that her man gets a lot of his needs met through sex.

It is much easier to have a healthy relationship when you understand this. As uncomfortable and difficult as it can be.

Do you want to understand men more? Click here to get our popular program Understanding Men.

What do You think about this topic? Do you agree?

Read this no-nonsense article on giving a man oral sex.

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398 Comments

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  • Dan

    Reply Reply October 31, 2014

    I must say some of these responses seem to be from jaded personal experience and much less experience from interacting with men on both intellectual and non-ego driven emotional levels. This battle of the sexes mentality is a hinderance on humanity. I enjoy pleasuring my woman and my woman enjoys pleasuring me, and this comes from a relationship rooted in respect for one another.

  • A. Woudstra

    Reply Reply October 6, 2014

    So I am a bisexual guy, but my interest has always been skewed towards men and being “submissive” to them. However, I have also been with women, and thus despite usually being the giver of blowjobs, I have also received them.

    Firstly, as a giver of blowjobs I have throughout the years gotten the feeling that the reason that men love blowjobs is very complex – men are simple creatures, but exactly that simplicity introduces a very distinct complexity to them. Of course, they simply seem to enjoy the feeling of it (which they do, but I’ll get to that later), but there is a lot more to it. To me, there is almost no better feeling than a man looking down at you appreciatively as you are going down on him. You can just see his appreciation, not only for what you do but for who you are in general. You can see that he doesn’t take it for granted and that he loves every second of the intimacy you are sharing. I myself at those moments feel very dubious about my position: on the one hand, I’m on my knees being gagged by a guy’s manhood and his hands are running through my hair and caressing my face, on the other hand, it is ME who is making him completely ecstatic.

    Now I had many of these guys before I actually got to a girl, and it took even longer before I actually wanted to have done to me what I always did to other guys. What I then discovered was, when I was in a relationship with her, that for me at least a blowjob wasn’t that much about the physical sensation but more about the interaction between the two participants. You feel very powerful because you have somebody on your knees for you, “submitting” herself to you if you will, but at the same time SHE is completely in control of you. There is a very delicate trust going on here, because SHE trusts you enough to go into quite a vulnerable position and go down on you, but at the same time YOU as a guy put your manhood into a mouth, which is full of teeth that could bit your manhood off in a second if they so desired. Yet you both trust one another, and as a guy you get the pleasure of being pleasured without having to do anything, whilst as the woman on her knees (and this is speaking from my experience with giving blowjobs), if she’s into it of course, gets to enjoy the power that she possesses by making her man feel powerful.

    And that is what I believe is what makes blowjobs, and oral sex in general, a very intense and strengthening aspect of sex.

    • Shawn

      Reply Reply October 19, 2014

      I like the article, but you’re response/words hit it right on the nail. My wife gives me a blowjob, but it has never been they way I like it unfortunately:-( I’ve always looked at it with her as a process of 4 play that leads to intercourse and not a way of ultimately having an orgasm. I feel like this is a huge part in our lack of sex or my interest to lustfully pursue her. Her inability to give me an orgasm via oral sex could be a result of these feelings. I will say through me communicating with her about what feels good has resulted in a better than average blowjob. Lastly, its sad that I love my wife and enjoy our friendship, but this one thing has always been a problem/want.

  • Kat

    Reply Reply September 1, 2014

    See, for most of my life I’ve had trouble with being vulnerable and in my feminine energy but I’ve always LOVED giving blowjobs without realizing it was one of the rare ways in which I felt vulnerable and, well, like myself.

    I just love the feeling of kneeling down in front of him, and him asserting himself over me, and just showing him how much I love him and seeing him derive so much pleasure from it. You can see him becoming stronger and more assertive and masculine and I just love him more for the man he is and am showing him this, honestly, and there’s so much pride and pleasure for me in seeing just how happy and confident and ecstatic my simply acting honestly and genuinely from my affection for him makes him feel. It’s like he’s showing appreciation for who I am and how much I care and my feminine energy and my genuine self in how much pleasure and empowerment he derives from it and it makes me feel good and empowered myself. Like he’s accepting me for who I am and I’m accepting him for who he is.

  • Em

    Reply Reply August 25, 2014

    Actually I’d flip this around and say that when giving my man a bj I’m the one in control and therefore I’m dominating. I control the movements, speed, pressure and so on. Think about it: is there any more vulnerable act than putting your d**k is someone’s mouth LOL. When he goes down on me I definitely feel like I’m submitting and he’s in control.

  • Susanna

    Reply Reply August 24, 2014

    As a woman who enjoys a very happy and healthy sex life with my boyfriend, I have to say that the act of oral sex, when done with sensuality, love and pleasure is really a beautiful experience and celebration of our bodies and our sexuality. Love your body and love your partner’s body :-)

  • cookie123

    Reply Reply August 21, 2014

    With several comments, that I have read. I am disappointed and embarrassed to even say “that we share the same counter parts”! Now, with this article I would agree, as well as, disagree. I a woman as you “define” as a giving ,and pleasing woman! I have sex with my man out of love, however traumatic experiences has cause me to embrace a side in which most women to be a stain on “WOMEN”. Being vulnerable is a thing most of us do not compare to “HEAD”. It is degrading ,from some perspectives. I, myself would like to know, are there other types of vulnerability that has the same impact just not the same degrading feeling, afterwards.

  • kinah

    Reply Reply August 19, 2014

    i think a lot of people took this article the wrong way. She specifically said there are other ways to feel loved. and majority of the angry comments are again from women. as a woman that has a lot guy friends and also from experience with boyfriends…they ALL say they like or love it. and whether we like it or not sex for a man does have to deal with underlying emotions as well. if your man likes it then why not? whats so horrible about it?
    you guys mention diseases but normal sex also comes with diseases, maybe even more.

    guys its honestly not a big deal. if your man doesn’t care for it then fine but if he does, i think this is a good article read. what sucks is that she tried so hard to not be offensive yet people still took it there. i agree.

  • Maggie

    Reply Reply August 15, 2014

    This article explains so much. My husband just kept asking and asking to the point where it got annoying so he went and cheated cause he didn’t feel loved anymore cause I stopped giving him what he felt as love. Doesn’t make much sense to me.

  • Brett

    Reply Reply August 11, 2014

    I used to really love blow jobs. Now I don’t even care that much about getting them anymore.

  • sdc100277

    Reply Reply August 6, 2014

    And as his woman…it is our job to make him feel like a man. In the bible it even clearly states “a woman is to be submissive to her husband, she is to give all of herself to him”. And if your man is watching porn…its probably because he isn’t satisfied, it is our job as the woman to please the man, just like it is solely his job to please you. Most men cheat because they aren’t satisfied, problem with women is we try to blame them the man, for what….for having primitive needs? For being a “dog”? I genuinely feel bad for men, because most women are selfish and can’t implement sex with an open mind. I have many girl friends who complain about their man asking for sex and blowjobs and its a big turn off, well sheesh its probably a really big disappointment for the man to have to even ask. That means he’s not getting it but once a week maybe. Maybe the problem that most women won’t admit is that they are just not really attracted to their partner, though if she would be open minded with experimentation that attraction might come back.
    we are human and it is what we do. Be adults about the conversation this topic is one you have to look at with an unbiased open mind. Remember were talking about healthy committed relationships here.

  • Summer

    Reply Reply August 6, 2014

    See, I’d have to agree 100% with this article. A man needs to be made to feel like a man. Not saying there aren’t other ways for a man to feel like a man, but, men DO need sex in general to feel loved. I don’t even understand where the negative is in this article that has people all flustered, we are human, it is primal nature for us to have sex including oral sex. People act like its disgusting and inhumane. She clearly stated she was referring to people in committed relationships and in NO way was condoning promiscuity.
    Men do indeed love seeing their manhood in their womans mouth. Any man who says he doesn’t, is lying. Just test the theory by giving more blowjobs. In a relationship both partners should be submissive to one anothers needs. I think your article was very much to the tee. Alot of people can not read something like this with an open mind, or are not willing to look at it from a different view point. I say touché!

  • Phil

    Reply Reply August 1, 2014

    My gf just introduced me to this site, so I thought I’d check it out and what a woman had to say about oral sex.

    As a guy, some of the points in the article resonated with me but others didn’t. Combined with the opinions expressed in some of the comments, I’ll go back to yourtango.com…

  • Sp

    Reply Reply July 31, 2014

    I agree with the people who responded. This article was disgusting. Too bad she didn’t mention all the diseases that can come out of oral sex. There was a very famous speech given by a professor who was dying in his forties. Why? A cancer that came from his wild college days that came from oral sex. He wondered who could have given it to him, but more so wondered if he had gotten someone sick so many years ago.
    Also why should I make my man feel dominate to me. Am I an object. If my husband cannot respect me, perhaps he should get himself a dog. A dog to do everything, dishes. laundry, sex and the bills.
    This author is just I am a loss for words.
    A lot of good information on the internet, this just is one of those that should have never been written.

    • kinah

      Reply Reply August 19, 2014

      but a lot more diseases come from normal sex too. Are you not gonna do that either?

  • Jojo

    Reply Reply July 21, 2014

    Having written this article which is useful to some no doubt, you should definitely have had a paragraph how it’s not for everyone and that personal preference is still the highest factor on what sexual acts will be performed.

    Basically I didn’t like the fact that you were telling women oral sex is great and if you don’t like it it’s because you don’t like feeling vulnerable. You’re totally taking out the fact that among the billions of us they are so many things we like and don’t like just because, and not because of some suppressed underlying reason.

    I think that’s what’s pissed off most of the angry commmentors, the fact that this article just seems to include every single woman or has the implications anyway. A simple paragraph would be all that would have taken to say hey regardless of all reasons and everything outlined here this is not necessarily for everyone. The end.

  • M-J

    Reply Reply July 19, 2014

    There is nothing about a man having power over me that affirms my humanity or makes me feel respected or loved.

    This lady is trying to sell women this bullshit about it being about love when men don’t ultimately really care about feeling loved as much as they care about feeling powerful–and that by the definitions they’ve been taught by other men (which is some gay shit).

    Look, if I want to do it I’ll do it because it’s between us and I’m comfortable with it; not so he can feel like he’s dominating me or whatever I’m representing at the moment by proxy, no so he can run back and report to his “boys” that he is now current on all the latest sexual crazes among pornhead motherfuckers.

    I am not going to be involved with a dude that has a bottomless need for ego stroking or validation of his “manhood”–get that shit settled once and for all, being comfortable with who you are instead of putting the burden on your women to “make you feel like a man”.

    Feelings or emotions are all internally generated and I’ve had absolutely enough of some third party relationship person telling women how to work even more to accommodate emotionally immature males in their respective, private relationships. Adults simply don’t behave this way, my man and I are perfectly capable of figuring out the parameters of our interaction–sexual and otherwise.

    • JM

      Reply Reply October 7, 2014

      I think the author is suggesting in relationship we allow and support personal power WITH each other, not OVER each other. OVER may imply in people’s minds subservience. WITH implies accepting and loving each person’s power. WITH implies to me at least, being part of a team where we can appreciate each other’s nature and abilities without being competitive or fearful about “who is in control.” Its a mutual celebration. A man could make the argument that he’s being “submissive” when he goes down on a woman. It can feel “powerful” to be the recipient, or powerful to be the giver.

    • JR

      Reply Reply October 10, 2014

      As a mature and very sensitive guy, here’s what I have to say. Feeling manly goes to a primal level. That’s not an effect of society. Saying smoking and beer and cars/trucks make you manly or whatever, that’s an effect of advertising. But no, men have testosterone and a desire to feel powerful and in control.

      It’s not about our friends or about society. For thousands and thousands of years men have had masculinity. Only in the modern era have we had men who are less masculine and I think it has a lot to do with our lifestyle. Men are more feminine due to environmental factors in this day and age but at heart as are still masculine. Some of us forget it or just don’t realize it, some men it clicks right away.

      As a man I definitely care about how my woman feels. I love to connect and sex isn’t a primary concern to me. However when it comes down to primal instincts such as sex, feeling masculine really helps me feel cared for and loved as a person. Feeling emasculated feels the opposite.

      You can say as much as you want that men want to be powerful and egoistic and maybe it’s slightly true. A healthy man should want that. But women have their quirks that men have to deal with as well.

      It’s your personal choice to understand men’s emotional needs or to reject them. However if you choose to understand men and apply that understanding in a relationship, you will have a better more fulfilling relationship. As long as you set your boundaries, everybody can be happy.

      This article is just meant to deepen your understanding of how men are. If you want to accept it or not, it is your choice.

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