Why Men Love Blowjobs?

Why Men Love Blowjobs

Seriously… Why Do Men Really Love Blowjobs?

This article is not meant to be rude or offensive in any way. My aim is to help women become better women, and part of this is helping women understand more about men, what men want and why they want it.

Despite this being a sensitive topic, I hope we can all approach it with a little light-heartedness and let us remember that oral sex has been around for many, many years. I am also not condoning promiscuity, nor telling women they have to give their man oral sex. Ultimately, this is the woman’s personal choice.

My message is not for promiscuity or casual sex; I do not condone this. I condone healthy, strong committed and passionate relationships where each party does not reject the sexual essence of the other, and they each understand how the masculine and feminine energies operate. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

Just as men sometimes have difficulty understanding why women are such emotional creatures, and don’t know how to deal with our ‘ocean of emotion’, a lot of women have trouble understanding the reason behind men wanting sex/blow-jobs, and put a man’s interest in sex down to the fact that they’re pigs, or that that’s ‘all they care about’, that that is all they want, and think they’re self-serving creatures who want it just because it feels good.

It is also widely known that the male and female sex drive are hard to reconcile. Women sometimes have a lot of trouble opening up to their men, and put it down to the fact that they ‘just don’t feel like it’. This is fair enough, women have crazy hormonal cycles, and find it hard to make time to focus on sex sometimes. We all know sex is extremely important to most men, but we don’t all really know truly why this is the case.

In fact, if you want a man to totally and completely commit to you, then this type of sexual intimacy is going to increase the likelihood of that happening to you.

If we can all have a bit more understanding and appreciation for the male sex, this will make it a much smoother ride for all of us, and we’ll be able to experience more freedom in our intimate relationships, once we truly understand and honor the differences between the sexes, and respect and understand what fills them up rather than fear and reject a man’s need for sex.

Dispelling the Myths

No, it’s not JUST because it feels good. Although, this is definitely a part of why men love oral sex so much, too. At first instance, most women think that men love it because they don’t have to do anything themselves, and can just sit back wait for the woman to do all the work. Without being crass, as this is not my intention, if it was because they don’t have to do anything themselves, then why don’t men get their pet dog to do it for them? (read my article about why you shouldn’t deprive your man of sex)

Indeed, if you ask a man why he wants oral sex so much, he probably won’t always be able to articulate exactly why he does. Men aren’t always as good as women are at decoding and expressing their own feelings and needs. (Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

To put it simply, and generally, the basic reason why men love being given oral sex is because it is one of the ultimate feminine acts of love. Let me explain why below.

An Act of Submission

The first reason is submission. In order for you to give your man oral sex, you have to be vulnerable to him, and you have to submit to him. This is one quick way for a man to feel more like a man;  having a woman give him oral sex.

The visual aspect of submission is also a factor. For example, if a woman kneels before a man, this indicates that she is completely submitting to him, and giving him power/letting him dominate.

Of course, the act of giving a man a blow job is a feminine act (if she cares about him), as a woman has to (at least to large extent)  be in her feminine (although not always, as some women are closed when they do it, and do it out of obligation) in order to actually give him oral sex. It is possible to shut down and remove yourself from the experience and not be fully present with your man when you are doing it. (read my article about how to be submissive for love)

A Symbol of Vulnerability

In order to give a man oral sex, a woman has to be vulnerable to him. In fact, she has to open to him and be comfortable with being vulnerable to him. Of course, some women engage in oral sex out of obligation, or feel that they have to in order to please their man, so they do it.

In other words, their heart is not in it. If a woman’s heart is not in it, and she’s doing it on autopilot, then she is not fully vulnerable to him, and the man will sense this, although he will most likely not want to accept that she is doing it out of obligation.

The concept of vulnerability goes hand-in-hand with the idea of trust. The masculine energy/men has a real need to be trusted. And of course, if you are comfortable being fully vulnerable to him, then this indicates that you are trusting of him.

Admiration

Another reason is that the act of being given oral sex is a symbol of admiration for the man. Without being rude or unnecessarily graphic, a man’s penis is as close to the heart of his manhood as you can get. Men subconsciously or consciously see it as part of what makes them a man. If a woman rejects this part of him, it leads him to think that she is not attracted to him, or that she doesn’t love him.

Perceived Love

Women often perceive love in different things than what men do (obviously). A woman may perceive love in a man taking the time to listen to her, buy her gifts, take her out, commit to her, protect her, talk to her, put her first, hug her, caress her, call her, write her letters, making the first move, being the rock and the leader in the relationship, complimenting her, etc.

Whilst many of these things are important to men too, men also perceive great love in being given oral sex and having sex in general. They are not so much talkers like women are, and perceive that a woman loves him if she does have sex with him regularly. (Not always – but I’m not condoning casual sex here – I’m referring to those in a relationship).

There are many ways to express love. In this respect, men speak a different language of love, and it is no use telling a man you love him, and admire him (which is always fantastic, by the way!) if you will not open up to him sexually. If a man loves a woman, he craves for her to be open to him/accept him, not only sexually, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually as well. (read my article about how to respect a man)

The important thing to take out of this point is that by giving your man oral sex, you are giving him love in the way that he understands it and can receive it. In order to truly give to someone, you have to understand how they perceive love, and being taken care of. It’s the same in an intimate relationship.

Although you may not always perceive love in being given oral sex by him (at least not as much as he perceives love in being given oral sex), he perceives love.This is sometimes very difficult for women to relate to, which is why I am writing this post. It’s very easy for a woman to consider a man insensitive, sleazy or selfish if he is regularly asking for sex.

And, it is often that women exclaim in confusion: ‘Why is it all about the sex?!!” It isn’t. It’s about how men perceive love, acceptance and admiration.

For many years now, men have been encouraged to reject the ‘ungentlemanly’ side of themselves which breaks the rules, and wants to engage in passionate sex with a woman.

A lot of men are afraid to ‘hurt’ their woman, and fear asking for sex, for fear of rejection.

This leads to a painful contradiction for a man. He fears rejection if he asks, yet he feels rejection anyway, when you don’t want to have sex with him. To a man, if a woman wants to have sex with him regularly, it means she loves him and is attracted to him. It’s important women understand that the masculine energy perceives importance and significance in a woman being very sexually attracted to him.

A Sense of Connection

We have already established that men don’t talk as much as women do in order to connect with other human beings. But why do men perceive so much connection in sex? The reason is because – men don’t generally communicate to other men the way women communicate with other women (and men). It’s hard for a man to go to his guy friends to talk, to connect and to feel loved.

The masculine energy is all about getting things done, moving on to the next challenge, putting an end to things – and letting go. The feminine energy doesn’t let go, it holds on. This holding on entails the emotional side of things. We are much more emotional creatures, and simply don’t need sex to feel regularly connected to other human beings. (Not that men cannot connect with others through talking too).

The difference is that men do. This is one of the primary ways in which men can feel connected to, and loved by their woman.

Some women are uncomfortable with the idea of giving their man a blow-job, because they dislike being vulnerable (not that they consciously use these words).

They hate being asked for it, and they unfortunately start to make their man feel bad about his need for sex, and because the man loves the woman, he slowly rejects the intensely sexual part of himself in order to feel more loved and accepted by her, and in order not to ‘hurt’ her.

The reality is that the masculine energy is very much driven by sex. This doesn’t have to mean that men always just want to have sex, no, no! Sexual energy can be used in many other ways to benefit an intimate relationship.

Living in your Feminine

To put it very simply, if a woman lives mainly in her feminine, and appreciates and chooses to understand rather than reject the masculine energy – she will have no trouble understanding and even appreciating, loving and enjoying the fact that her man gets a lot of his needs met through sex.

It is much easier to have a healthy relationship when you understand this. As uncomfortable and difficult as it can be.

Do you want to understand men more? Click here to get our popular program Understanding Men.

What do You think about this topic? Do you agree?

Read this no-nonsense article on giving a man oral sex.

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Why Men Love Blowjobs?
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Are you curious why men love blowjobs? Read why!
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  • Chris

    Wish I could think that way, but being a woman means knowing you will never be enough to a man. They will always want other women, no matter how much you give them. They will always look at porn and no matter how many blow jobs you give them, they will still desire other women. It sucks being born a woman. Our culture justifies men having no self control. It’s all about men. Can’t even go to sporting events without feeling like your at a strip club because of the pole dancers. “But, it’s just how they’re hard wired”, says our culture. Must be nice to be a man with those standards to have to live up to.

  • PrimordialTechnocrat

    As a man, this speaks to me so much. It puts into words what I’ve thought and felt for a while now. I’m married almost 5 years, I love my wife, I live for her, but my wife almost never gives me blowjobs anymore. It’s been at least three and a half months by my reckoning.

    For a while I would ask her. Especially when she was on her period, when she doesn’t like to have sex (I would have no problem with it), and for the longest time that was basically “blowjob week”. But she started to get angry and annoyed if I asked that of her, and in an ugly argument that started from something completely unrelated she accused me of only loving her for the sex and blowjobs. I can’t describe how much that hurt, and I resolved never to ask her for sex or blowjobs again.

    We have sex once, occasionally twice a week. That’s not as much as I’d like. I take care of myself the rest of the time and sort of resolved myself to that. And I realised it might be an extremely rare occurance that I get a blowjob ever again. And I felt a deep sadness. Really, deep. But why? I mean yes, it is incredibly, incredibly pleasurable. But it felt like something deeper than the loss of that pleasurable experience.

    I give my wife oral sex at any opportunity – though those opportunities are usually just during out scheduled weekly sex. But I enjoy it on many levels. I love to see her take pleasure from it, to give her pleasure. I love to be so close to her, and her most intimate place. I find her pussy beautiful. I relish every sensation. I’ve told her I’d do that for her every god damn day for the rest of her life if she’d let me. If a fucking wizard cast a curse that she could never reciprocate when I give her oral I’d still do it, happily, because I WANT to give her pleasure.

    So when she… resents me for even wanting one or two blowjobs a month… it hurts me. I can’t understand why she wouldn’t want to if she loves me. And on thinking about it for a while I realised much the same as what you have written – that there’s something more, something meaningful about a blowjob. It is a symbol of love. I think back on the past when she has done this for me and I am flooded with memories not just of the sensations but of the emotions I experienced. I felt loved. I remember how tightly I held her afterwards, the love I felt, the intense gratitude I had towards her. Almost… a sense of relief. Like she had shown me, she had proved to me, how much she cared for me. I mourn that feeling.

    It’s not just that I want her to blow me… I want her to WANT to blow me.

    It sounds so strange… but I feel as though if ever she did give me a blowjob again, that loving gift… I feel like a might fucking cry. I feel pathetic even saying any of this. Everyone I know considers me a pretty “manly man” and this feels like the emotional… whining of a man who can’t even maintain a satisfactory sex life with his own wife. That thought sickens me and makes me want to delete this rather than send it. But I’m anonymous so fuck it, there’s this man’s perspective.

  • Hatetheignorant

    Here is another part. Not the sole reason. It can be manipulative. When I was younger many women I am still friends with today, they and their mothers use to describe me as easy to look at. I am not anymore. This dog has had his day in the looks and attraction department. The ship has sailed, the chickens have come home to roost, I am middle aged and over weight so the sun has set on that part of my life.

    But back to the point of my comment. When I was single, skinnier, and younger, not the cheer leader but the average women / girl would hit on me and most times just for a hook up. Not all the time , but six to eight times a year. Oral sex was always part of the menu with out hesitation.

    So here is one of the reasons and it can be manipulative for both men and women. The more worth while the man , the more head he gets. With a few exceptions married women give blow jobs only because they have to to keep their men from leaving, to get something, rarely because she wants her man to feel special,

    Now when I am out with my single male friends who are still in shape and good looking, and we are at a nice resturant, bar, or club. They regularly get approached, flirted with, by single, divorced, and sadily married women. If they choose, blow jobs are back on the menu and many times the end of an evening in the parking lot.

    A blow job carries more meaning not only for men but obviously for woman. For men, I think it means you are still worth while, you are still a man. For women, it is something you do to have the Alpha male. It is one means that a man has for knowing if his women is still attracted to him, if he is still worth it. And I think for both men and women this is one of the reasons that makes it true.

    But remember we all manipulate.

  • Joel Rodriguez

    My wife and I love each other, being that she is about a year away from getting her doctorate in psychology I’m even more concerned about if she realizes these things you talked about in this article. I have tried to talk to her about our sexual life and how it makes me feel. But she never has approached me about having sex or a blow job. I always have to beg for either. Things end up in an argument and she eventually has sex with me. But never willingly. I don’t know if there is more to it than what I see. I feel unwanted from her.

    • Hatetheignorant

      Joel, I am sorry. I was there and it sucks so bad. You say she is getting her docorate in psychology? so she is familar with this topic. I think you have two directions to go. First, read Renee’s article on the Alpha Male and maybe read about desires of a successfull woman. I think with her education, the foundation and role deffinition of your relationship has changed. There might be some behaviors or tactics you might want to modify.

      Secondly and lastly, do not do anything rash Plus you have been supporting her thru her bachelors, masters, and now PHD.

  • Jeffrey Riley

    Sexual energies are sexual energies. They have some weird and different components to them. In the end, it’s all about the love and the emotional connection. When the sexual energy fades, what do you have between you? If the love and friendship and that sense of amazement are there, then you’re both great. I’m always amazed by women.

  • Jeffrey Riley

    As a guy, I’ll give my opinion (don’t take me as an infiltrator! I come in peace!) Sex matters to us guys because we can’t help it. It’s the testosterone. It’s very powerful and we have much more of it than women do. That means more powerful, frequent and irresistible sexual energy. It also drives us to be more into power and dominance and the need to be satisfied more often and “win” some imaginary battle against ourselves and our expectations in the bedroom. That why we get performance depressed if we’re not good at it. We feel like we’ve lost the game and we’re losers and, thus, not real men. It’s the testosterone. What do doctors prescribe to women to help their sex drives? Testosterone.

  • Tracy Lemons

    This makes a lot of sense being that when someone is drunk they can give you the most amazing oral of your life but every other time its like blah. They say when your drunk the truth comes out, many people these days try and hide there feelings to avoid being hurt, which can result in emotional detachments and confusion of chemistry within the two aura zones that you both have in the body. Basically energy.

  • Iv Mitreva

    Wow, this really is profoundly true, Renee, thanks for sharing this with so many women the world over :) I simply couldn’t agree more. For men, having sex (as often as possible) and being given a blow job is like the ultimate appreciation of his masculinity and power as a human being.
    I can also relate to that on a very personal level. I was married for ten years. It was all very sexual and intense at the beginning until my son was born. Then, I started paying more attention to the baby and spending more time with our son and less so with his dad. However, I also noticed a dramatic change in my ex-husband. He no longer cared about his personal hygiene as much as he used to and as much as I wanted him to. No showers before sex, no brushing teeth for several days on end and I will not even go into the underwear I had to wash……
    So, I stopped having (and wanting to have) sex with him altogether. I made a few polite hints, but he refused to see the real reason behind and blamed it on my anti-depression pills. We went to therapy sessions for a year and it took all the courage I was ever capable of plucking to share that with our therapist. Well, unfortunately we made the statistics 3 years ago because we no longer were having sex with each other. And all the rest was fine. We had great respect for each other, he is a great dad, etc., etc. but our sex life was pathetic and our marriage came to a logical end.
    So, having sex with your man and giving him blow jobs is really really important for the relationship to prosper. Of course, when it feels right….and clean :)

  • SNAG

    yeah. as a man its true, we interpret sex as being loved. Not doing dishes, taking kids to school, doing the washing. Thats being a housewife. Those things are what our mothers demonstrated as normal female activity. If a woman wants a man to see those things as her love for him shes gonna have to dedicate a year or more of patience trying to explain it to him. And after he gets that concept you will then have to explain that if he did some of those things regularly, you would feel loved just like the way he does when he gets BJ’s. All couples need to ask their partners early in a relationship, “how do you like to receive love – what makes you feel most loved by me”. Guys answers = usually sex, gals – usually emotional connections, and other things a man doesnt know anything about. Guys wont instigate this conversation, they dont know there are other ways to feel loved apart from sex, why would they ?.

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  • Luke

    Again, great blog, Renee. I want to add a few things. The reason we males love being pleased by our women may have a lot to do with all those things you listed. However, I think it shows a lot of trust and love from the woman on her knees, almost choking herself with your ding-a-ling. It shows acceptance and love of maleness. Do women enjoy the idea of a man feeling forced to go down on her, acting like it’s the most revolting he could ever do with his mouth? I was made this way. I can’t help the fact that I have a penis anymore than a woman can help the fact that she was born with a vagina.

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  • Unreal

    Lemme say this…

    To the millions of married men here and elsewhere complaining that their wives aren’t into sexual exploration or into sex at all…

    Think back to every time you slut shamed a woman for liking sex.

    Think back to every time you dumped a girl after she had sex with you.

    Think back to when you were proud to proclaim you wanted to marry a nice inexperienced girl.

    And take a look at the monster that you created.

  • Screw_Globalism

    I’m male & have never desired BJ’s at all , never appealed to me , yet I used to love eating a woman out…I’ve trained myself not to want sex , as I wish to remain single permanently , this is why I think this is a great site & hope more women take Renee’s wise words on board , for me , just ending a sexless , burdensome marriage , the damage is beyond repair.

  • Susan Jenkins

    My boyfriend and I both suck cock ! It is a real turn on watching him give one !

  • Francisco Sandoval

    I have never received one. My wife refuses to give me one. I’ve done oral on her, and anything she wanted in bed. But, she refuses to give me one. And has actually speed sex almost entirely since i brought up that i wanted her to give me oral. I don’t know what to do. I try to talk to her but, she doesn’t want to talk. Any advice would be appreciated. Feeling very unloved.

    • Jeffrey Riley

      Divorce sounds like good advice. She’s not being gracious or communicative with you.