Why Men Love Blowjobs?

Bunny Reply:
March 6th, 2013 at 10:29 pm

Well actually I prefer an older man anyway. However it seems even those 10 years older are just like the younger crowd. However I have talked to older gentlemen but they seemed so disinterested. I really couldn’t put my finger on the lack of communication or the unfulfilled promises or even the awkward conversation of “getting to know each other” for the umpteenth time.

But I’ve also noticed a few of them were bold enough to say I was too old for them (I’ll be 26 in May, I didn’t know the mid-twenties were OLD) or others wanted sex or expected me to turn into an old lady and sit around knitting and cooking (the latter not being of much interest to me). Then there’s that small group who feel age is a problem. One guy I actually was interested (in his late 40′s) acts like I’m 5 years old and rarely treats me like an adult.

I do agree that older men do have the experience and know more than the younger counterparts. Maybe it’s where I live, most older men are set in the ways, whine and complain and yet wants to chase after late teeners and early 20-somethings. Reminds me of something I heard on TV a month or so ago about women between the ages of 25 to 45 are just screwed when it comes to dating and relationships.

Don P Reply:
March 7th, 2013 at 1:18 am

Even 10 years older than you (26+10=36) is not old enough. He still has too much ‘T’ still in him!…wink

I understand the guy who wants you to KNIT….LOL….My wife crocheted for many years. I enjoyed watching her do her projects. It adds sereneness to the relationship.

Here is what I did during my working years: http://www.navy-airline.com

I had a hell of a good time and I did many things. I had it ALL! Now, I like to lounge. Go to a movie, play, opera or just lounge around the pool. I worked my butt off and now it is time to relax. Payback is here (the good part)…grin

Don P Reply:
March 7th, 2013 at 3:04 pm

Older gentlemen might be a little wary of real young women because they think they could be taken for everything earned or acquired over the many years prior to the relationship. I have a 32 year old woman (in another country) VERY interested in me but I am wary of her because of being deceived after marrying her and then losing half of my assets after 10 years of marriage. I have a very good (male) friend from my Navy days (in the same state as I am) who lost 50% of his assets to his wife who divorced him after being married for 10 years. She waited exactly to the day for 10 years to file for divorce, which meant everything was common property, even the property he acquired before he married her.

So, you can see way older men might be ultra cautious in getting to know you. My daughter-in-law tried to set me up with a date with a 46 year old woman she worked with. She just smiled and said no thank you because of my age (68). She was divorced but wanted nothing to do with me. I think I look like 58 instead of 68, but, she wasn’t impressed!…grin

Bunny Reply:
March 8th, 2013 at 9:14 pm

I don’t mind knitting and actually enjoy it, but most guys find it silly or expects me to manufacture a winter clothing line for them. I’m still in the early stages of it and only do scarves lol. I also latch hook and a few other crafts as well but I actually enjoy that sort of thing.

Yeah I suppose you’re right even 10 or 15 years older isn’t enough, but it might also be where I live. It is understandable of a older man not feeling comfortable with a younger woman fear of losing everything he worked so hard for. I definitely understand that, but also on the same token you can’t judge and assume without really finding out for sure, you know?? Most of the older men I do see often always says something vulgar as if they’re still in their 20s.

I wouldn’t mind dating an older man but I also don’t want him acting like I’m his dad or treating me like I’m child, you know making age an issue subconsciously. Those are hard to find too unless you go out during senior day, or the grocery store. But even then some hot teen or 20-something walks by and I immediately become part of the back drop scenery. Then again maybe because I look and sound more like a teenager also deters them, they automatically assume I’m a high schooler.

Have you ever flown a 777?? Biggest plane I ever saw, also the longest ride I’ve ever been on. I’ll give you something humorous now, I had to get my numbers together and think about your age. Actually you’re older than my mom but if my dad would’ve lived he’d been 69 this month lol.

Don P Reply:
March 8th, 2013 at 9:49 pm

You are funny!…grin. I could be your dad and I would be a damn good dad to you. I never had a girl as a daughter. It would have been nice.

Men who make fun of your knitting are empty heads. No appreciation for the finer things in life. I am sorry, that is the way I feel about guys like them!

If you look again at my website, you would see that I flew the Boeing 747. That is a big monster of an aircraft. I flew that world wide. I also flew internationally when I was in the Navy.

Any man who is vulgar around a woman is nothing but a piece of sh*t. I understand very limited use of the ‘F’ bomb when you are frustrated over something you can’t find or something you can’t get accomplished. I do that every so often but mostly when I am by myself. It is a good release of frustrations when I am by myself.

As for those old men who are looking, eyeing teenagers, they never grew up and accepted that they are old farts!…smile.

Maybe in a few years you will develop into a voluptuous woman and act, sound like a sophisticated lady. Personally, I think you are already there. From what I read, you make perfect sense and you have common sense; two qualities that I always look for in a woman. My wife had both at a tender young age of 19 when I met her. I was 22 at the time.

What state do you live in? If you do not want to tell me, then tell me the quadrant of the country you live in. I live in Florida.

Don

Don P Reply:
March 5th, 2013 at 9:55 am

You sound like you favor female companionship over male companionship. I believe you should focus on what makes you happy and content.

Think about the concept of the standard way of having intercourse for young people. If a man approaches you, say at the bar, you have drinks and dance together. He or you invite the other back to the pad and then it goes to the bedroom for sex. He does not know if you are on birth control. He should probably ask you but he doesn’t. The best way to avoid getting pregnant is through oral sex or manual stimulation if you are not on some form of birth control. That is why some women are very willing to do oral sex on the man; it is a form of birth control. Catholic’s are not suppose to use any type of birth control so you can see how the oral sex or manual stimulation will be used by a devout Catholic.

Any kind of a relationship always opens up complications. There is no simple answer other than saying ‘No’!

When I was in my early 20′s, I had no concept of what was needed to be done to excite (foreplay) my wife in preparation of having sex; so that me look like I was selfish but in reality, I was clueless! I wish I could go back and rectify that but we all know that is impossible to do. I think a lot of very young men have no idea what should be done to get their partner to a point of heightened sexual stimulation. I know now at age 68; a little bit late but now my partner is totally overcome by sexual stimulation from me. Foreplay for us, I believe, last longer than the actual act. I believe that is the proper balance when having sex.

I wish you very good luck with your relationships. It seems to be always an upward learning curve for everyone. That is why sex for me, at age 68, is the ‘best’ for me and I presume the best for my female partner.

Don P Reply:
March 5th, 2013 at 10:31 am

CORRECTION:

When I was in my early 20′s, I had no concept of what was needed to be done to excite (foreplay) my wife in preparation of having sex; so that ‘MADE’ me look like I was selfish but in reality, I was clueless!

Bunny Reply:
March 6th, 2013 at 4:42 am

@Don P well it’s about being favorable over males or females, I like both and have my dislikes about both genders. Not to be rude or sound like a bitch about it. I don’t go to bars, and I definitely don’t drink alcohol. Then I wouldn’t bring a stranger to my home in any case. However yes I understand that birth control is a happiness for some. However for other it can cause some serious health problems. I was sick the whole time on birth control and had an incontrolable period that lasted for two months straight. Therefore I don’t take birth control but there’s nothing wrong with using a condom.

If you talk about pregnancy, I had sex with a guy who wore a condom but decided to take it off. He knew he was going to do it and then told me he had no interest. But I guess some would consider that my fault due to my naivety. How do you explain a man’s position saying if he gets you pregnant by accident, to go get rid of it because he loves his baby mama and other kid. That’s pretty messed up. He’s also the same guy who turned me off from oral sex, not only did he do a terrible job at it, but he was unnecessarily rough to the point that I had more cuts and bruises that hurt like hell. Even when in the act I told him no or I didn’t want to participate, he wad determined to do it so he could receive a blow job, he even tried to shove it down my throat. I wasn’t the only one he was doing that with, I’m sure of it. I never had any infections or nothing until him, then I found out he was sexually involved with two other women.

I get the gist of this article and what you’re saying. I understand people may not be well educated in sex and may not be able to voice what they want. But it’s unfair to demand something and then do nothing except go somewhere else with your demands.

As for women yeah it’s said they need 30 mins to get stimulated into wanting sex. But that doesn’t hold true with every woman either, just like ever man doesn’t have an orgasm in 10 minutes. That’s when I think the lack of communication can mess up a good thing. In your age range yeah, sex is a thing of the past and it’s not like you’re planning on reproduction in any case.

Maybe the most active girls out there are ok with men approaching them and demanding a blow job and they’re probably equally ok with not getting nothing in return. Unfortunately I have a problem with that, One guy I know told me it was ok for his wife not to give him blow jobs but I was OBLIGATED to give him blow jobs. That’s bullshit, her reason isn’t even as good as mine. She claims her religion forsakes her doing something so filthy. I’m not doing it just to satisfy someone else, get nothing and be told all I’m good for is for some man to bust a nut in me. That’s ridiculous.

Yet no one can give me a pliable answer as to why a blow job is needed and the man expects a woman to comply, one whom he doesn’t love and has no interest in making a commitment with…. That’s beyond selfish, that’s abusing something that others see a beautiful bond between couples.

Jason Reply:
February 16th, 2013 at 3:39 pm

Wow! I would give anything if my wife had the same perspective in our intimate relationship.

Melanie Reply:
August 14th, 2012 at 11:59 pm

See, right there, the thing where you indicate your “tone” in brackets is condescending towards me specifically because of our discussion history.

Anyway, as I said at the end, that was my opinion. I see the points you are making but we just have a difference of definitions; that’s all. In the examples you gave, I think that is right, but just because a person is submitting doesn’t mean they are being submissive. I know that could seem strange. Maybe this helps. If I submit a job application somewhere, I am not being submissive to the company. If I hit “Submit Comment” below, I am not being submissive to this website. You are talking about submitting in the context of a healthy relationship, and I do agree with that and it is true it has to do with trust. To me, that is different than the concepts of “dominance” and “submission.” Maybe I’m wrong but, to me, they have totally different connotations.

Emma Reply:
August 15th, 2012 at 12:24 am

Melanie,
I have something called High Functioning Autism. I felt it was important that you understand how I mean the conversion because you want to keep assigning emotions and actions to me that I am not feeling and I am not doing. I understand the barriers of communication in ways neurotypical people often do not bother to look at—especially when it comes to emotional and logical thinking and the cross wiring of the two.

Melanie Reply:
August 15th, 2012 at 12:43 am

Okay, I understand better. The thing is (and once again you are saying something so assuredly as if it’s a fact when it’s not – or at least it can’t be “definitely” known by you) that I have not been assigning the emotions – they’ve been conveyed to me by your writing. I have done lots of reading from people and am very active on social media and e-mail due to business needs. If I always tended to assign emotions that people were not conveying, I would have known that by now. This continual exchange with you has been very unique. But I do understand better with the HFA. Anyway, the thing is, ironically, in the post you wrote in which you did specify the “tone,” I would not have picked up on any particularly strong emotion from your writing in that particular post. There was still that, I’ll call it, “excessive confidence,” or “this is how it is no matter what you think,” kind of feeling going on, but no, I did not read any particularly noticeable emotion you were conveying in that post, compared to a couple of your other posts. But I definitely felt that you going out of your way to describe your tone was condescending because it’s like you’re saying I don’t have the capacity to figure it out for myself. I guess that is how you were feeling and if so, it makes sense you would have specified it. But naturally that is going to make me feel like you’re talking down to me. Anyway, we obviously don’t really speak the same “language;” because of that, I have learned some things.

Emma Reply:
August 15th, 2012 at 2:22 am

Melanie,
Thank you for this….enlightening conversation as I obviously do not know my own mind or my own emotions and therefor I must trust your judgment on my thoughts, emotions and what I am trying to convey. You said that I was condescending and that I had to prove myself right and you wrong…and I am not looking up what else you have said…..I think most of the things you have said about me can also be said about you. I am also very active with emails, social media and written communication. If I tended towards putting emotion or tone into the writing I didn’t mean, I am sure it would have been brought to my attention sooner, and no, not everyone I communicate with knows I have HFA. Anyway, thank you for putting up with my apparent inability to communicate properly—and yes, you can read some negative emotion in that, it was intentional.

Melanie Reply:
August 16th, 2012 at 3:37 am

Wow. I never said that at all, that you don’t know your own mind or emotions. That’s ridiculous. You obviously know yourself better than I could considering that we don’t know each other! That’s why I eventually decided (and said) that we simply don’t really speak the same language. No biggie. Not everyone clicks, understands each other, or gets along. I had ascertained that was the case with us. I have tried to be civil although I know I probably failed in some moments, but I sensed that you were, too, and I thought we were getting to a point of wrapping up this discussion with some closure and civility, and I went out of my way to say several positive things (the “give” part of “give and take”). It seems counter-productive and unsettling to put such a sour note on the end. We just don’t really communicate the same way, and I don’t know why that can’t just be accepted. I’m fine with that. I think mostly we probably just had quite a few misunderstandings of each other but I was willing to say, “okay” to realizing that and let it go. Such a sour note to end on. Geesh.

Emma Reply:
August 16th, 2012 at 11:05 am

Melanie,
The reason, probably, that we have such a difficult time in our communication and with “speaking” the same language is that I don’t buy into feminism. I feel like its comparing bananas to donuts and trying to make them the same thing. Having two different fundamental belief systems is going to make communication more difficult than it has to be. Anyway, best wishes!

Asma Reply:
August 16th, 2012 at 11:40 am

Hi Emma,

I enjoyed reading your posts and loved the clear way you delivered your points. I’d love to read more of your comments and hope you do. Have a great day.

Melanie Reply:
August 16th, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Emma, LOL, I don’t buy into feminism, either, and definitely don’t operate under that belief system. Anyway, I really understand that both you and your husband made valid points, and I respect both your openness and willingness to be candid about it. I originally got heated by your husband’s (08fd’s) brash writing style, especially the part about it being justified for a husband to cheat on his wife if he’s simply not getting BJs. Objecting to that is just a regular thing to object to, not “feministic” (I would also object to a woman doing the same thing). I traveled for several hours today, so I had some time to think about this. Although I stand by the points I made in the original comment thread, I was wrong to interject negativity when I did. If I ever caused you or 08fd negative stress or frustration, I apologize. Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut in the first place since 08fd was just trying to be helpful. It just rubbed me the wrong way so I let it set me off unfortunately. Thank you and best wishes to you and 08fd as well.

Emma Reply:
August 17th, 2012 at 12:08 am

Melanie,
It makes me happy that you don’t buy into feminism. It is true poison for a healthy, interdependent (NOT co-dependent) relationship between a man and woman. I am not 08fd’s wife. I am sorry his comments rubbed you the wrong way, but I was not defending my husband. I was just defending the right of men to express things how they do without being told they need “help” to get a better attitude. I have noticed that in modern society a majority of women tend to think what can sometimes seem to be a brash, bluntness of communication in men as misogynistic in nature—hence why I thought you’d responded the way you did. Men and women truly have different communication styles and a full understanding of how men communicate is needed to keep a modern woman from going insane (figuratively of course) when trying to understand the needs of her man. I tend to people watch because of my difficulties. It is fascinating to see the differences in how people communicate when it’s man to man, woman to woman, and how that communication breaks down when it’s man to woman.
There also needs to be an understanding of women that men have needs just as we do and that their needs are different—sometimes vastly—than ours. Physical intimacy is equally as important as emotional intimacy. A woman’s lack of desire to fulfill a physical desire for a man can be viewed that she doesn’t care about his needs and that her emotional needs are more important that his physical needs because they are “only” physical. This is telling men that their needs are less important than a woman’s needs which is not equality. The biggest reason people cheat is because their needs are not being met by the person who is supposed to love them—man or woman, that is usually the underlying reason for infidelity. Statically men are more hurt by physical affairs and women are more hurt by emotional affairs. I think that is telling on what type of intimacy a person values more. It doesn’t need to be a huge difference in value, but there is still a difference.
—and I babble on a topic I have researched extensively. Typical autistic behavior

Melanie Reply:
August 18th, 2012 at 12:51 am

I hear you. Just for the record and to explain any confusion, I thought you were his wife because in the first comment thread, I referred to the potential woman in his life, then in your first response, you stated, “I wish to thank you for saying I am not a normal woman. My husband is this ‘brutally’ honest with me…” I thought you were literally referring to yourself as his wife by making that statement, which was in-part because I don’t think I noticed the word, “this,” the first time I read it. My mistake. Anyway, even now when I read what 08fd wrote, I just really despise his writing style. The sometimes inflammatory, sometimes offensive style seems counterproductive to me. Of course there were also parts I thought were immature and that I didn’t agree with. But, I think it is possible to make the exact points he did without using such blunt language; I would have read it with respect like many of the other comments that I’ve read here over the months. Maybe it’s more of a “guy” thing as you suggested, but I am glad none of the guys in my life talk like that. But that is just 08fd’s style; so be it.

nate Reply:
August 12th, 2012 at 10:45 am

Just to clarify, 08fD never gave any indication of how he communicates this to his wife, or how he treats her in general. Just a brutally honest summary of how regular men feel about this topic. it’s hard to be that brutally honest with our wives about this because honesty in this case will rarely achieve the desired result.

Melanie Reply:
August 12th, 2012 at 2:40 pm

nate, I prefer your more laid-back tone here and appreciate your attempt to help explain 08fd’s perspective. What I found problematic with 08fd’s statement was his “attitude,” which seemed to indicate a “whoa is me” and “oh, poor me,” sort of attitude (listing all the things men are expected to do and be, then claiming that society forces men to hold in emotion and be tough). Even if those things are true, a “whoa is me” attitude is pathetic and it’s no way to live. Furthermore, it seemed very clear that he was assuming men work much harder than women and have a much tougher life, so therefore that’s why women should pay them back by giving them blowjobs. As you stated, he never directly indicated how he communicates to his wife, etc., but he did state that it helps his ego to be built and helps him to feel dominant. To me, those are not positives. If it takes a blow job for you to have a healthy ego, you have other issues you need to deal with. If the ego is already in a healthy range and getting a blow job makes the ego too big, that’s obviously a problem, too. And feeling dominant over somebody is not compatible with being their equal, and having complete love and respect for them. There were also some other really brash things he said towards the end which seemed to indicate he does not care at all how the woman is feeling. It was a, “Just do it, woman!” kind of attitude, completely unloving and forceful. He did say something I thought was positive about sacrificing for each other, but then he screwed that up, too, by saying that if she doesn’t do it, he’d go find some random girl who would (and it’s the way he says it that sounds so awful). If he became uninterested in sex but his wife wanted it, would he be okay with his wife going to have sex with some random guy? I don’t know how anybody who is in a relationship that is healthy, and full of love and mutual respect, could think it’s okay to commit a sexual act with somebody else if they can’t have it from their spouse. Again, it was his callous attitude that made it even worse.

As for you, you state that women make excuses, such as chores, for not having sex. The error is that you are assuming they are excuses. They are usually things that she knows must get done. In life, there is the important and the urgent. Although having sex for the health of the relationship is definitely more important than doing dishes, doing dishes is usually more urgent. Even though urgent things can be less important in the scheme of things, they are urgent and must get done. It’s also a matter of responsibility and “work before play.” If a man sees his wife doing these types of things when he feels they should be having sex instead, then my main piece of advice would be to lovingly assist her in getting them done. They will get done faster, she will feel like you care to help, she will be turned on by that, she will feel more like having sex, because for women, foreplay is constant, and there will be more time to have sex. And I just completely disagree with your statement about men and women and society. But like I said, for women, foreplay is constant, so you can’t ignore your woman or undermine her need to get urgent things done with your bad attitude, then expect her to be excited to jump in the sack with you. Even a little touch on the back, kiss, an “I missed you today,” etc., while a woman is doing the dishes or whatever, will motivate her to finish faster and want to spend quality time with you. Those little gestures are practically effortless (not to mention it should be enjoyable for men to say/do those things anyway), so it’s an easy way to make it a lot more likely you’ll get the sex that you want.

Melanie Reply:
August 12th, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Emma,

First of all, thank you for the chuckle. I had to laugh when I read what you wrote!

Secondly, I am very glad to read that you and 08fd are very happy! That makes me very happy, because it’s so great that all people have somebody they’re meant to be with and apparently you have found each other and that’s great.

Thirdly, I have no problem with you disagreeing with me. Although I do think you reacted very emotionally to what I said, since you responded to things I did not say as if I had said them. I will give you the benefit of the doubt because we don’t know each other and I highly doubt that you’re the b-word that you made yourself sound like! I know I have done similar things when I felt attacked and was writing emotionally. You cannot accuse me of misandry, though (and I also just loved the “jab” at me of assuming I’d have to look it up!), when I said absolutely not one word about how I feel towards men. I really appreciate and respect men, generally speaking. I have a much healthier attitude towards men than most women I know. This is no great feat of mine, but because I have been blessed with quite a few good men in my life.

To respond to what you wrote, you said that doing things to make a man feel happy, loved, content, etc., must be difficult for me to understand. Where, in what I wrote, did I say anything about how I feel about that topic? I did not say one thing about it. You assumed a whole lot that I did not say. My response was 100 percent in response to what 08fd said; I said nothing about how I feel about the importance of making or how to make a man happy.

I think it’s great that you can be straightforward with each other. But being direct and being inflammatory are two different things. In what he wrote, he wrote a number of very inflammatory statements. For instance, 1) he gave the impression that he felt men work very hard, women don’t, therefore women should give men blow jobs, 2) he basically stated that he strongly prefers getting pleasure with no effort expended to getting and giving pleasure at the same time (having to use effort), 3) he stated that it makes him feel dominant (it is scary, not healthy, for a man to feel dominant over a woman. There is a way to feel like “the man” and be manly in a relationship without feeling/being “dominant”), 4) he came off as very brash, harsh, and uncaring towards women with his callous talk about the reasons women use for not having vaginal sex which would not be reasons for not having oral sex, 5) he implied that keeping the family a unit is contingent upon being given oral sex, 6) he basically stated that if a man does not get oral sex, it is totally acceptable and normal for him to go get it from some random female, and 7) he stated, “Men are pretty solid, patient punching bags in all of life with one soft spot which needs to be maintained well or the rest may fall apart.” Whether or not a person is a “pretty solid, patient punching bag in all of life,” is totally a person-to-person “personality” thing, not a male or female thing. Many, many men are not like that at all. There are just as many, if not more, women who are “solid, patient punching bags.” But, he made clear that because he thinks this, then he thinks men deserve blow jobs and women should give them to men because women use men as punching bags. And again, he stated that basically life (marriage, family, etc.) may actually fall apart if there are no blow jobs. That was the main reason I said he needed to do personal development. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. Everybody can benefit from the awesome personal and business development out there, but I just meant that if he is that fragile of a person to where he would allow his life to fall apart if there were no blow jobs, then obviously he needs to do some deep work on himself. I mean just think, if all the women who are sexually unsatisfied (don’t have orgasms during sex) felt like their life would fall apart without sexual gratification, there would be very few “together” lives and families in this world because a great many women never have orgasms or feel really sexually gratified from having sex. So to me, men are really being babies when they say such things, and also they are perpetuating a double-standard about the importance of male vs. female gratification.

Okay, I have just given an analysis of what I meant when I said that 08fd was clueless. When I said that, I just knew that it would be way too involved to explain what I meant, but I felt forced to explain since you attacked me about things I DID NOT say and you were clearly feeling defensive of your husband. So I felt the need to explain why I said what I said.

I also know that I don’t know him and that it’s not possible to judge a whole person by a relatively short comment. I was basing everything I wrote JUST on what he wrote, as I have no way to respond to anything else about him or what he thinks other than from what he wrote here, which I assume is what he actually thinks, otherwise he wouldn’t have written it.

Emma Reply:
August 12th, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Melanie,
You have quite obviously missed the point of what I said and quite as obviously put more emotion into my words than what I put into my words. I will try one more time to make my point clear.

“You need to do some deep thinking, re-examination and adjustment of the health of your “attitude” towards WOMEN, and deep personal development. There are a lot of books that can help with this.”

“You need to do some deep thinking, re-examination and adjustment of the health of your “attitude” towards MEN, and deep personal development. There are a lot of books that can help with this.”

I hope you can see the differences in these two lines and the similarities.

Melanie Reply:
August 12th, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Emma, my goodness, I apologize if I hurt you and/or your husband’s feelings. Obviously, what you have must work for you and that’s great. I have tried to keep this lighthearted while still responding only to what people actually stated, yet you are taking a very different approach first by assuming things I did not say or even touch on/imply, and second, by being very condescending towards me, and that makes it impossible to continue a discussion.

Emma Reply:
August 12th, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Melanie,
I am not sure why you think you need to keep giving me emotions I am not feeling…but that is your choice. You have apparently not gotten what I was trying to say, so you are correct in assuming there is probably no reason to further the discussion.

Melanie Reply:
August 14th, 2012 at 4:54 am

I don’t know why you would think I did not get what you were trying to say. It’s not like what you were saying was complicated. I just knew it did not apply to me. How exactly did you expect me to respond, anyway? And might I point out that you had zero response to all the points I made. But more importantly, I said that I was choosing not to have a discussion with someone who was being condescending towards me, and that, as I said, was why I did not continue to discuss it. And by the way, you were very much conveying emotion in your writing, so maybe that’s why I picked up on it.

Emma Reply:
August 14th, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Melanie,

Before you assign me emotions I do not feel, let me tell you how I am feeling. I am simply and calmly stating my opinion on the matter. The tone is friendly conversation, not condescending.
You picked up on emotions you assigned to words, not emotions I assigned to those words. This is one of the core reasons men and women do have difficulty communicating. Women tend to want to assign meaning to words biased in their own emotions and not on what is actually being said. I merely pointed out that you seem to think it’s alright to point out a man needs to readjust his attitude based on words written where you cannot decipher emotion unless it is implicitly stated, but it is not alright for someone to point out a woman’s attitude towards men and how they communicate does not need to be readjusted. When I emote in my writing I write literal novels—thousands of words in day. I did no such thing here. You focused in on emotions you thought I was feeling and not actually what I was feeling.

I stated that a man has just as much right to expression and how he expresses it as a woman does with her expression and how she expresses them. I need for my husband to understand that I am an emotional woman and need for my emotions to be put into his consideration. My husband needs for me to understand that he cannot always communicate as effectively on an emotional AND pragmatic level. If he needs something from me and he doesn’t properly express it emotionally I do not deny the validity of his request. Just as if I pragmatically need something and I over emotionalize the conversation he does not deny me my needs.

That is the point you missed.

What you think someone feels and what they actually feel—especially in written words—are usually not the same thing. This man expressed his opinion on why a man should get a free blowjob from his wife. My husband will do “free” me specific things to help me out and make me feel good when I am tired. I do “free” him specific things to help him out and make him feel good when he is tired? There is a give and take there as one has specific needs they expect their partner to meet.

I don’t care about the point for point argument of why you were right and he was wrong. My point was that HIS opinion on why men should get blowjobs does not mean he has some hidden misogynistic view of women. That is what you implied when you said that his attitude towards women needed readjustment and that there were books he could get to help him with that. In my opinion that showed a gross lack of understanding men and that attitude needed to be readjusted along with suggestions on where to start.

jrd Reply:
August 14th, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Emma: “This is one of the core reasons men and women do have difficulty communicating. Women tend to want to assign meaning to words biased in their own emotions and not on what is actually being said…My husband needs for me to understand that he cannot always communicate as effectively on an emotional AND pragmatic level…Just as if I pragmatically need something and I over emotionalize the conversation…”

I see.

Melanie Reply:
August 14th, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Don’t get me wrong, I do think you make a lot of valid points. But you make it difficult to have a discussion because you have this superior attitude and this “right-fighter” kind of thing going on where instead of a “give and take,” it’s, “take, take, take” (i.e. a feeling of “everything I’m saying is right and nothing you are saying is right”). I could point out (quote) many specific examples you wrote where there was clear strong, negative emotion being conveyed towards me, and definite condescending statements. I know that clearly you don’t think you’re doing that but you are. But really it’s no biggie though. I had my own lightbulb moment about that but I’ll keep the specifics to myself because this has gotten pretty ridiculous.

Anyway, once again, you claimed that I missed your point, and again I don’t know how you came to that conclusion since I didn’t say anything which indicated that. As I said, I understood what you were trying to say. There was no need for you to explain it (although I think it’s good you did since somebody – “jrd” – apparently really got something out of it which is great). And again, I do think you make valid points, but your superior attitude (or at least your lack of “give”) detracts from what you’re sharing.

jrd Reply:
August 15th, 2012 at 12:15 am

Melanie: “…somebody – “jrd” – apparently really got something out of it…”

Melanie, I got something out of it, but I don’t believe it’s what you think it is.

nate Reply:
August 12th, 2012 at 3:25 pm

.. and this idea that women are turned on when their husbands help with laundry, etc…

I honestly, honestly think this was concocted by the Dr. Phils and Oprahs of the pop-psych sphere… whose primary audience is women.

It might help them worry less about the house, but it doesn’t turn them on either; if men rely too much on this notion, it will ultimately backfire.

From what I’ve read and experienced, women are turned on by adventure, confidence, masculinity and sexy men who make them feel sexy too (and maybe trips to Ikea.)

Melanie Reply:
August 12th, 2012 at 4:07 pm

nate, LOL, I assure you I’m not your wife. That is funny.

I can understand what you’re saying about forgetting everything else for awhile to have sex but I think it’s hard for men to relate to why women don’t feel like that usually. Most women just don’t like sex nearly as much as most men do. When you only like something a little bit or not at all, then isn’t it hard to say, “forget everything else for awhile and let’s go do this thing!!!” To me, most of the motivation for having that attitude towards sex would be for wanting to please him rather than because I’m particularly excited about it. I know a lot of women feel that way.

I definitely do agree that sex, in whatever form, as long as at least one person wants it, cannot be put off too often, because it will really have a negative impact on the relationship and on the individuals. As for the “woe is me” comment (LOL, I realized I accidentally wrote “whoa” after I posted it!), I was not talking about that. I was talking about 08fd’s comment in which he said, “You know how important no energy required is for a man these days? Between work (times ten if its physical labor like dockwork), the gym and required horseplay with other man childs we guys are pooped to the point of a meltdown and unlike women society enforces a law in us to not show these weak emotions, man up and perservere, It builds up and we are carrying those bricks till we die on top of it.” To me, that sounds like an, “Oh, poor me, poor me!” statement, and also a HUGE assumption that women somehow have it easy compared to men. I think how “easy” or “hard” a person has it has to do mostly not with their sex, but with them as an individual and their individual circumstances.

As for what turns on women, of course that varies from one person to another, but it is definitely true that most women are turned on by a man being helpful around the house; that was not invented by Dr. Phil & Oprah!, but I think it’s doing things as a true team that’s sexy. I would rather cook together or do other chores together than either one of us do them on our own. That is sexy (although in all honestly, I don’t know if most women feel like that or not). But yes, adventure, confidence, and masculinity are also sexy.

udolipixie Reply:
June 14th, 2012 at 9:47 am

Nowhere in any of my posts did I state, suggest, or imply of gals not telling a guy of her sexual tastes. My posts have been that guys find a partner that is sexually compatible rather than pressure, guilt-rid, emotionally manipulate, and coerce an incompatible one. Do tell where did you get it’s being about being upfront and honest when my point was not to manipulate others to do what you want and get a partner who wants the same as you?

In my opinion your husband likely doesn’t know or care if blowjobs aren’t your thing nor would he care if he found out.

Nate Reply:
June 14th, 2012 at 10:00 am

@emma: I can relate to this; my wife does it for me on occasion, maybe not as often as I’d like but at least a couple times a month. I know it’s not her favorite thing to do, so I am always grateful and I am sure to let her know. It’s pretty much always been like this for us.

Emma Reply:
June 14th, 2012 at 10:41 am

@udolipixie

The article is stating what men like and why. That’s no being manipulative. I find it interesting how some women see being told what men like and why as being manipulative. If a woman doesn’t want to give blowjobs or refuses to do so, why would she be reading an article that advocates for them?

And exactly what do you know of my husband to presume such things? My husband loves me very much and I think this is a situation of don’t ask/don’t tell. He does things he hates having to do because he loves me. Granted its not in a sexual sense, but he still does them. I love cats, but I am allergic to cat litter. He can’t stand having to change the box but he does it so I can have my cat, and we’ve had a few different cats in the twenty years we’ve been together. At any time he could tell me I can no longer have a cat because he’s not going to keep the box clean or I am going to have to suffer through literal hours of non-stop sneezing every day to have a cat.

When there is real love in a relationship both parties make sacrifices for the happiness of their partner. His happiness is more important to me than anything else. He loves getting a blowjob and I don’t mind doing it because it brings him so much pleasure. At this point in our lives together I’d be hurt if he asked me to stop doing it for him because he found out it’s not my favorite thing to do for him.

This article tells women why men want/love blowjobs. How is that manipulative?

Emma Reply:
June 14th, 2012 at 10:43 am

@Nate
I am glad your wife does that for you. I know how much she must love you and that is a wonderful thing.

Nate Reply:
June 14th, 2012 at 10:49 am

Emma, udolpixie is accusing me of being manipulative, not the author.

udolipixie Reply:
June 14th, 2012 at 11:05 am

@emma
I know the article is stating what guys like and why as right above you recall my own words to nate ‘she does a much better job than you as she’s explaining why guys love blowjobs.’
Nowhere in any of my posts did I state, suggest, or imply that guys saying what they like is being manipulative. I stated that it’s manipulative of nate’s comment directed to ‘Ladies, those of you who refuse to do this for your men’ to say ‘don’t do it and he won’t marry you’, ‘don’t do it and you’re missing out’, ‘don’t do it and he’ll resent you’, ‘do it because it makes him happy and you want him happy’. I find it interesting that some gals consider a person stating something is manipulative when they haven’t.

I don’t know anything of anything of your husband hence the keywords ‘in my opinion’. Though my opinion seems supported by your own own keywords ‘granted its not in a sexual sense’ for doing things he hates because he loves you though I highly doubt he loves you more than blowjobs.

Do tell where and when did I state that the article was manipulative? Oh that’s right you can’t as I only applied manipulative to nate’s comments.

udolipixie Reply:
June 14th, 2012 at 11:07 am

@emma
Disregard the above as I see nate correctly informed you.

udolipixie Reply:
June 14th, 2012 at 10:05 am

Nowhere did I state, suggest, or imply anything about your relationship with your wife much less that you emotionally manipulate her. I have been responding to the emotional manipulation tactics in your post directed to “Ladies, those of you who refuse to do this for your men”.
I read the small novel you just wrote below and responded to it. The instant comment to re-read the author’s article after my post indicates you spent time focusing on your own words not considering mine.
Quite unsure how I seem kind of angry at you when you’ve been the one making
negative personal assessments and assumptions about my life. I think you’re done here for now because you weren’t able to logically respond without derailing attempts.

udolipixie Reply:
June 14th, 2012 at 11:33 am

The author explained it much better than you as unlike you she didn’t advise gals to do something they refuse to and brush off gals feelings and sexual dislikes with the exception to shame them for it.The author isn’t pretty much saying all the things you have been as she didn’t deem his feelings more important than hers rather than find a compatible partner instead of pressuring an incompatible one.

They are recognized manipulative tactics as they’re commonly used by rapists, harassers, and domestic abusers. Nor is it gathered from a throwaway statement rather several of your statements that have been repeated several times. Though I am amused and unsurprised by your lack of accountability for your own words.

udolipixie Reply:
June 16th, 2012 at 11:56 am

Why do you care so much to create and defend an emotionally manipulative post directed to gals who refuse to give blowjobs?
Nowhere did I state, suggest, or imply my own judgement of blowjobs so it’s telling that stating your comment was emotionally manipulative is hating blowjobs so much.
And what made you decide to comment on the article telling gals that refuse to give blowjobs to do so? It’s called ‘why men love blowjobs’ not ‘shut up and suck it’ or ‘suck it or else’.
I’m not caring so much I’m stating it’s manipulative to direct a post to gals who refuse to do blowjobs telling them to do it because ‘ if you don’t do it and he won’t marry you’, ‘if you don’t do it and you’re missing out’, ‘if you don’t do it and he’ll resent you’, and to ‘do it because it makes him happy and you want him happy’.

udolipixie Reply:
June 13th, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Mutual consensual sex in the context of a loving relationship is pretty normal whether a sexual act is normal depends on the people involved in the relationship. It’s not an insulting extreme pointless analogy as it wasn’t about it being pretty normal rather your point was ‘if you don’t do X you are missing out on one of life’s finest pleasures and there is a good chance that they resent you for it’.

Stating ‘if you don’t do X there’s a good chance I’ll resent you’ & ‘X is about love and attention that makes me happy and you want me to be happy don’t you’ when X is something the person dislikes and refuses to do is emotional manipulation. Nowhere did I state showing love and making your partner happy was a manipulation though nice attempt at a derail.

Nowhere did I state, suggest, or imply that it matters what other people do outside my bedroom. I was responding to your ‘stop worrying about how degrading it is’ that blowjobs are commonly used as an insult and depicted negatively and with the negative associations being degraded is not a brush off for some gals. You could easily say that withholding blowjobs is another form of domination and degradation for some guys if you support rape and assault believing gals consent for sexual acts are unimportant and when they don’t consent it’s wrong. Do tell how is not consenting to a sexual act a form of domination and degradation for some guys?

There’s a problem for many with doing something they detest and feel degraded by as it usually results in resentment/hate towards their partner and disgust for themselves. Again what’s the problem with finding someone who is sexually compatible with you rather than demanding your partner you claim to love do what they detest and feel negatively by?

A degree of entitlement that comes with ‘I demand you do something that you detest and feel degraded by’ is not perfectly okay especially when you’re not basically giving your life to another person when divorce and annulment exists. No self-respecting gal would consider being married to mean a guy is entitled to use her body however and whenever he wants without regard for how she feels.

I’m not having this problem in a relationship as I don’t consider it a problem to dislike and refuse to do sexual acts. Nice on more female shaming of how it’s a problem if she refuses to do a sexual act. Does a guy who refuses to have his wife ream him with a strap-on as he finds it degrading have a problem? Does a guy who refuses to have his wife sleep with other guys while he watches as he finds it humiliating have a problem?

I’ve already answered why many gals would find blowjobs terrible and degrading. Blowjobs are commonly used as an insult (suck my dick/blow me), depicted as domination/submission sexual act, and used for humiliation and degradation. When performing a blowjob is used as an insult and to exert power over a person it’s quite possible that many gals may negatively associate blowjobs with humiliation and degradation. It doesn’t matter whether they love their partner as there are boundaries and performing an act one doesn’t associate with pleasure rather degradation is one for many.

nate Reply:
June 13th, 2012 at 7:12 pm

You’ve built quite a straw man here. I’ve never said that men should be able to have whatever they want, whenever they want it, and that her feelings don’t matter.

And I don’t know too many women who complain because their husbands won’t let her peg them or cuckold them.

If you can’t find any pleasure in giving someone else mindblowing and consciousness-altering pleasure, especially if they are willing to to the same for you… all because there are rapists and bad people in the world…. I have to say that is pretty sad.

I’m sorry if anything bad has happened to you or anyone you know that has compelled you to flame me on this anonymous comment thread…. but pretty much everything I’ve said boils down to…

- bjs are awesome.
- most men want them and will probably expect it at some point in a long term relationship.
- again, bjs are indescribably, unbelievably awesome when done correctly by someone who loves you.
- nobody should have to do anything they don’t want to do. but nobody has to get married either.
- I can tell you as a man, everything the author has said about the emotional side of this; the way men perceive love and affection, is spot on. What others have echoed in this thread – the ability to make a man feel this way can and should be empowering and invigorating. It’s too bad that porn has ruined this, but it is far from a reflection of real life.
- I’m all for sexual compatibility and I realize every culture is different. Where I’m from,I don’t know very many men who wouldn’t enjoy/want/expect this from their wives at some point in the relationship. It is just part of life.
- life is short.. oral is awesome.. I can almost guarantee that couples who get and give as much as they can – for pure enjoyment – are going to be happier than couples who don’t.

Liza Reply:
June 13th, 2012 at 7:53 pm

I’m all for bjs and because I love giving them I don’t understand how any woman doesn’t but putting my own feelings aside for a moment, in the long run it’s as individual as the two involved in the relationship. It’s similar in concept to colognes. I personally cannot stand Grey Flannel and yet it’s the most popular cologne for men I believe, of all time. Most can’t understand why I despise it. When it all boils down to the bottom, in the end, if both partners of the couple is happy without bjs.. then why should it matter to me what they prefer in when the door is closed? Few men I’ve known don’t like bjs but there are those that don’t. For those that do many view it as somewhat submissive in nature, but to most that isn’t a strong enough feeling for it to be the reason they like them. Bjs just are “fun” and feel good. If they don’t to you, then as long as you and your partner agree, do whatever is fun for you. I’ve noticed that most women who’ve commented seem to have been upfront about it with their perspective partners and though for some it will be a dealbreaker, others won’t care. Life’s too short to not enjoy it. For those who don’t know if they like it, try it and see. For those that know they don’t like it, you’re right to not do it until your reason to do it becomes greater than your dislike of it and if that never happens, as long as you’re happy and your partner doesn’t care, don’t do it. For those that enjoy it, do it more often. The main name of the game is to be happy in your relationship. And guys, if you’re in a relationship with a woman that doesn’t like it and you want it, then you either moved too quickly or didn’t communicate well enough before you got married/involved. JMHO

udolipixie Reply:
June 13th, 2012 at 11:25 pm

The only one with a logical fallacy here is you posting advising people what to do in the bedroom then telling me ‘I’m sorry if you’ve had experiences that lead you to believe this, but it doesn’t matter what other people do outside your bedroom.’ I haven’t built up a strawam here going by your responses:
Me: “Perhaps it’s better suited that a person doesn’t have a relationship where they have to do something they detest and feel degraded by to make their partner happier and easier to get along with.”
You: “Again.. what’s the problem with doing something just to make the other person happy?? Don’t you want a man who goes the extra mile to make YOU happy?”
* The problem isn’t a relationship where she has to do something she detests and feels degraded by to you the problem is she won’t do it to make him happy as apparently her happiness doesn’t matter or at least matters less than him *

Whether you know gals complain because their husbands cuckold them is irrelevant as your point was ‘if you don’t do X you are missing out on one of life’s finest pleasures and there is a good chance that they resent you for it’.

Nowhere did I state, suggest, or imply that not liking blowjobs was because of rapists and bad people in the world. I did say blowjobs commonly being used as an insult, depicted as domination/submission sexual act, and used for humiliation and degradation are why someone may have negative associations with the act. I have to say that is pretty sad you think there is something wrong or defective with someone because they don’t like the same sexual act as you. Then again it was a bit sad that most of your statements were emotional manipulation tactics of do it as your missing out, he’ll resent you, and don’t you want to make him happy when the act is something a person detests and feels degraded by.

Bit telling that a comment that disagreed with you is ‘flaming’ you. Nice cop out on not being able to logically refute a valid analogy, how your statements are emotional manipulation tactics, and that it’s better suited to advise people not to partner with those sexually incompatible than encourage gals to do something they detest and feel degraded by to make him happy at the expense of her happiness.

Pretty much everything you said boils down to-
- if you don’t do something you detest and feel degraded by you’re missing out one one of life’s finest pleasures
- if you don’t do something you detest and feel degraded by he’ll likely resent you
- do something you detest and feel degraded by as that’s how you lavish love and attention and it’ll make him happy and you want him happy.
- gals don’t have to do something she detests and feels degraded by but you highly encourage she does to make him happy

The emotional manipulation tactics don’t stop with you nice implied threat of ‘don’t blow him and you would get married’ with ‘nobody should have to do anything they don’t want to do. but nobody has to get married either’.

udolipixie Reply:
June 13th, 2012 at 11:34 pm

@liza
I highly doubt that many view blowjobs as somewhat submissive but it’s a strong enough feeling for it to be the reason he likes them. Considering the massive amounts of porn with blowjobs showing the gal as a hole often calling her one in the title and how often guys use it as an insult to exert power and dominance over another- ‘blow me’, ‘go suck a dick’, and ‘suck my dick’.

“The main name of the game is to be happy in your relationship.”
I agree Liza and that’s for both partners rather than Nate’s implied a gal sacrifice her happiness for his and risk her mental health by repeatedly doing something she detests and hates.

udolipixie Reply:
June 14th, 2012 at 4:50 am

The first time I brought up cuckolding was an analogy to show the irrationality behind your point of ‘if you don’t do it you’re missing out’. The second time was to defend against your claim that it’s an extreme pointless analogy. The third time was to state that it’s irrelevant that you don’t know too many wives that complain because her husband won’t let her cuckold him as your point wasn’t how common it was but that if you don’t do X you’re missing out.I do like how you keep bring in personal assessments and assumptions yet I’m the one flaming you.

My advice isn’t her happiness is more important than his as my advice to to find a partner that is sexually compatible rather than demand someone do something they detest and feel degraded by. Your advice on the other hand seems to be the relationship norm- for her to compromise. Why is his happiness ALWAYS more important than hers?

Nowhere did I state the validity of the a guy staying married to a partner who doesn’t do blowjobs is emotional manipulation. I did state that you saying ‘don’t do it and he won’t marry you’, ‘don’t do it and you’re missing out’, ‘don’t do it and he’ll resent you’, ‘do it because it makes him happy and you want him happy’ when in regards to something a person hates and feels degraded by is emotional manipulation.

Again I’m supposedly the one flaming you yet you’re the one again making negative statements such as I’m so delicate, have issues, and have a problem.

I pity the gals who take your advice to the detriment of their mental health, attitude towards their partner and sex, and general well-being. There’s enough gals in miserable relationships and marriages where they resent and hate their partner and dread sex.