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Article updated 2020
Firstly, please don’t be fooled by the flashy title. I’m not encouraging women to play dumb, be in a ‘housewife’ role, or have no opinions. Being submissive to a man is not about that at all.
I’m also not encouraging women to be submissive all the time – being submissive is just another role that a woman can take up every now and then in her relationship with a high value, masculine man.
The reason I’m talking about being submissive is because it can bring more passion, strength and life to a healthy relationship, if it’s received by a man with love and respect. The key point here is that you need to do this inside a healthy relationship. If you want to know if your relationship is healthy, here are 10 Ultimate Signs of A Healthy Relationship.
Being submissive is NOT something that you do with an abusive man.
It is just another part of you that you might want to bring out sometimes.
Being submissive – whether in a joking or serious way can awaken the most masculine yet tender character in a man. Submission is almost never about admitting you’re ‘wrong’ or less worthy than a man. Being submissive just allows for a man to feel more like a man around you, and – as a result, have that extra bit of passion.
And, part of being in touch with your femininity is feeling all the different parts of yourself that you can feel in your body – and how to ‘go there’ when you need to. Submission is a part of learning to become more feminine as well.
So, the question of how to be submissive leads me to bringing up some things that you will need to understand and therefore be able to be submissive at times.
The ‘how’ will come to you through understanding of the reason behind it. Our society has encouraged women to keep their guard up, wear masks (instead of being comfortable in their feminine core/essence), be ‘right’ all the time, and be like steel in the face of conflict. That is definitely not how to be submissive at all.
(What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…)
Opening up about submissive relationship
I’ve mentioned it before and I’ll mention it again – that a man really wants his woman to be open to him, and to let him in (emotionally, mentally, sexually, spiritually). The problem with the way we’re educated (or not educated) at school, is that it’s turned a lot of women in to these intensely dominating creatures that completely emasculate the men around them. (read my article about learning how to be open)
The problem with this is that, in the face of conflict in a relationship (there always IS conflict and always will be, it’s natural and good) women use these steel masks to cover up the natural parts of themselves that would come out when in moments of connectedness with a man.
Women can feel the MOST vulnerable.
As a result, they have to use masks more than anything, to survive in a world that doesn’t honour sensitivity – and that’s sensitivity to how people are treating us, how others feel and how we feel.
Our society seems to value being socially acceptable. There’s nothing wrong with that – until we’ve practised it so long that we bring the same need to be ‘acceptable’ and fake in our intimate relationships.
In the face of conflict, a woman can decide to open up to her man and remove the mask. Decisions shape your future, and it’s as simple as making a decision, and focusing on the positives of doing this rather than the comfort of doing things the same way you always have.
Let him in and try to let him take the lead – try to trust him even when it feels unfamiliar.
(Sorry for the generalisations – but for the purpose of this post, they are useful).
The truth is, in general, men are built naturally physically stronger than women.
And, they operate differently to women mentally too (think about a woman’s handbag, and how she magically fits in the contents of an entire HOUSE in it; versus a man who only carries a wallet with a few cards and some money.
Deep down, all women have vulnerabilities and deep fears and feelings of uncertainty, especially in the face of violence. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)
A trustable man wants you to show him this!
It’s a simple word of ‘I am afraid’ or ‘this scares me.’
The trends in our society have also lead women to become less trusting of men; one feminist even claiming that ‘all men are rapists’. *raises eyebrows*
But, every day there are men being heroic and standing up for what is right, and protecting and taking care of people.
Being submissive is also about trusting your man enough to let him show you the way sometimes. Many women ask how not to be boring in their relationship. And guess what, this is just one of the ways to not be boring.
And, asking him for help. Or asking him for his opinion, or asking him for solutions.
Many men who are in touch with their masculinity at their core would jump at the chance to help a woman with something – really! It makes him feel needed, and useful. Not to mention manly 🙂
So, ask him for help even with the smallest things like bringing the shopping in, opening a jar, carrying something heavy, undoing a knot, etc. Give him trust where you know it is deserved, and do it without question.
The masculine energy wants to be trusted. If you doubt your man all the time, it feels hurtful. It drains from the relationship bank!
He wants to have good direction to add to your life – to be trustworthy to you, but if there’s a cycle of you not being willing to TRY trust him, it makes it hard for him to BECOME more trustworthy, as each mistrust is possibly stripping him of hope, as well as stripping him of his trust in you.
Now, this isn’t just about trusting him not to cheat on you. That can be a part of this. However, it’s more about learning to try to trust his direction in life. So, even if you have a man who isn’t very smart, evolved and correct in his direction – you don’t HAVE to pretend he’s right when you know he’s wrong – you just have to behave as a woman who is willing to show that you are open to him even when he is wrong.
For example, your man wants to invest every last cent in a stock that you already know isn’t looking good. Do you tell him he’s WRONG and it’s a horrible decision? Or would you prefer to suggest to him that it makes you feel scared and nervous because of (list reasons)?
As a woman who is learning to give a man the gift of being submissive, of course you would choose the second option. As it shows you’re willing to TRY to trust him and still be open to him.
Of course, if this is a man who is constantly making bad decisions, you may not want to stay with him long-term, however the principle of learning to show up more submissive and open in your feminine energy is the same – choose to value openness MORE than cutting him down and emasculating him.
Because that adds to the connection inside of a relationship, whereas being domineering just takes value from the relationship and ruins the connection.
Question: have you seen men with their little girls/daughters? They don’t want to let ANYTHING hurt their little girl! The same goes with their wife or girlfriend, if only she could show a little innocence and submission – looking up to him as the leader.
Innocence is precious. Innocence can also erode with a very high number of sexual partners as well as with the number of bad relationships you have been in. We live in a society that doesn’t value innocence. We are encouraged to do things that basically ruin our innocence from a young age. So, that’s why some women do end up quite jaded – but that can be fixed.
Just imagine the innocence and purity of a happy little girl. A girl who is well loved and who feels pretty and beautiful. What does her energy feel like? Is she warm or cold? Is she hyperactive or calm? Is she vengeful or vulnerable?
Despite you having a possibly traumatic upbringing, CAN you find it within yourself to connect to an innocent and pure girl within you? As she is your gateway to greater openness and feminine energy.
You see, no high value, masculine man wants to fail at leadership, especially with his woman. And that’s why, if you can give him the gift of feeling successful around you, he will WANT to be around you and he will perceive value by being with you. (read my article about making a man succeed)
Ability to be uncertain
This is where being submissive is especially powerful and strong, on the woman’s part. To be submissive, a woman has to be OK with being uncertain.
She has to let her guard down, peel off the mask and look of ‘steel’ and be free. Just look to your man as a possible source of strength for you when you might need it.
This is incredibly strong on the woman’s part.
A lot of people think that by not trusting people, they are being strong, independent and smart.
But, where does a lack of trust get us, really?
It gets us a whole world of pain, that’s what it does. We walk around, holding ourselves back, not able to be free and to let go, and to fully enjoy what life has to offer, and not able to give people a chance to show their better side (often if you trust someone, they want to please MORE, as I was saying above about not trusting a man and how this can sometimes push him to betrayal). (read my article about a strong woman)
The happiness and freedom you are able to experience in your life now, and in the future is in DIRECT PROPORTION to the level of UNCERTAINTY you can comfortably handle.
The same goes with your intimate relationship! The quality of your relationship with your man is in direct proportion to the level of uncertainty that you can handle.
Surrendering and Being Submissive
Part of knowing how to be submissive, and knowing that it doesn’t mean you are inferior is understanding that by surrendering to a man’s leadership and strength at times, you allow your relationship to flow, be real and just be free. Without so much pent up anger and negative association that plagues many modern marriages and relationships.
Men can grow to resent a woman who is always fighting to be more significant. Women who always want to be the expert, be dominant, be ‘enough’ – they often struggle in relationships or any sort, let alone with a masculine man.
As my report ‘What Men Think’ reveal, most men who took part in the survey indicated that they most respected and admired a woman who was comfortable with her femininity and able to let her guard down, thereby letting him in: being open to him. Making a man’s role real and worthy.
Also, being able to surrender shows that you have plenty of self confidence, esteem as a woman (not having to prove yourself and be in CONTROL all the time). You can also be charming when you “surrender” at the right time and to the right person.
The root of our anxiety in a relationship with a man and the root of our conflict with men is not being able to understand them. What men perceive as high value is often very different to what we perceive value in as women. If you want to learn how to add value to men, then check out Understanding Men.
There is a follow-on post related to this one, please see ‘Surrendering to Masculine Energy‘ 🙂
(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)
I hope you enjoyed this. Any concerns or thoughts, be sure to let me know! 🙂
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