Firstly, please don’t be fooled by the flashy title. I’m not encouraging women to play dumb, be in a ‘housewife’ role, or be helpless and have no opinions. Being submissive to a man is not about that at all. I’m also not encouraging women to be submissive all the time – being submissive is just another role that a woman can take up every now and then in her relationship.
The reason I’m talking about being submissive is because it can bring more passion, strength and life to a relationship, if it’s received by a man with love and respect.
Being submissive is NOT something that you do with an abusive man.
It is just another part of you that you might want to bring out sometimes.
Being submissive – whether in a joking or serious way can awaken the most masculine yet tender character in a man. Submission is almost never about admitting you’re ‘wrong’, ‘incapable’ or ‘weaker’ than a man. Being submissive just allows for a man to feel more like a man around you, and – as a result, have that extra bit of passion (Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)
And, part of being in touch with your femininity is feeling all the different parts of yourself that you can feel in your body – and how to ‘go there’ when you need to. Submission is a part of learning to become more feminine as well.
So, the question of how to be submissive leads me to bringing up some things that you will need to understand and therefore be able to be submissive at times.
The ‘how’ will come to you through understanding of the reason behind it. Our society has encouraged women to keep their guard up, wear masks (instead of being comfortable in their feminine core/essence), be ‘right’ all the time, and be like steel in the face of conflict. That is definitely not how to be submissive at all.
Opening up about submissive relationship
I’ve mentioned it before and I’ll mention it again – that a man really wants his woman to be open to him, and to let him in (emotionally, mentally, sexually, spiritually). The problem with the way we’re educated (or not educated) at school, is that it’s turned a lot of women in to these intensely dominating creatures that completely emasculate the men around them. (read my article about learning how to be open)
The problem with this is that, in the face of conflict in a relationship (there always IS conflict and always will be, it’s natural and good) women use these steel masks to cover up the natural parts of themselves that would come out when in moments of connectedness with a man.
Women can feel the MOST vulnerable.
As a result, they have to use masks more than anything, to survive in a world that doesn’t honour sensitivity – and that’s sensitivity to how people are treating us, how others feel, how we feel and honest feedback.
Our society seems to value being socially acceptable. There’s nothing wrong with that – until we’ve practised it so long that we bring the same need to be ‘acceptable’ and fake in our intimate relationships.
In the face of conflict, a woman can decide to open up to her man and remove the mask. Decisions shape your future, and it’s as simple as making a decision, and focusing on the positives of doing this rather than the comfort of doing things the same way you always have.
Let him in and try to let him take the lead – try to trust him even when it feels unfamiliar.
(Sorry for the generalisations – but for the purpose of this post, they are useful).
The truth is, in general, men are built naturally stronger than women.
And, they operate differently to women mentally too (think about a woman’s handbag, and how she magically fits in the contents of an entire HOUSE in it; versus a man who only carries a wallet with a few cards and some money; men are much simpler and women are much more complex and thoughtful creatures).
Deep down, all women have vulnerabilities and deep fears and feelings of uncertainty, especially in the face of violence. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)
A trustable man wants you to show him this!
It’s a simple word of ‘I am afraid’ or ‘this scares me.’
The trends in our society have also lead women to become less trusting of men; one feminist even claiming that ‘all men are rapists’. *raises eyebrows*
But, every day there are men being heroic and standing up for what is right, and protecting and taking care of people.
Being submissive is also about trusting your man enough to let him show you the way sometimes. Many women ask how not to be boring in their relationship. And guess what, this is just one of them.
And, asking him for help. Or asking him for his opinion, or asking him for solutions.
Many men who are in touch with their masculinity at their core would jump at the chance to help a woman with something – really! It makes him feel needed, and useful. Not to mention manly 🙂
So, ask him for help even with the smallest things like bringing the shopping in, opening a jar, carrying something heavy, undoing a knot, etc. Give him trust where you know it is deserved, and do it without question.
The masculine energy wants to be trusted. If you doubt your man all the time, it feels hurtful.
He wants to have good direction to add to your life – to be trustworthy to you, but if there’s a cycle of your not being willing to trust him, it makes it hard for him to BECOME more trustworthy, as each mistrust is possibly stripping him of hope.
Have you seen men with their little girls/daughters? They don’t want to let ANYTHING hurt their little girl! The same goes with their wife or girlfriend, if only she could show a little innocence and submission like a child might – looking up to him as the leader.
No masculine man wants to fail at leadership. (read my article about making a man succeed)
Ability to be uncertain
This is where being submissive is especially powerful and strong, on the woman’s part. To be submissive, a woman has to be ok with being uncertain.
She has to let her guard down, peel off the mask and look of ‘steel’ and be free. Just look to your man as a possible source of strength for you when you might need it.
This is incredibly strong from a woman’s part.
A lot of people think that by not trusting people, they are being strong, independent and smart.
But, where does a lack of trust get us, really?
It gets us a whole world of pain, that’s what it does. We walk around, holding ourselves back, not able to be free and to let go, and to fully enjoy what life has to offer, and not able to give people a chance to show their better side (often if you trust someone, they want to please MORE, as I was saying above about not trusting a man and how this can sometimes push him to betrayal). (read my article about a strong woman)
The happiness and freedom you are able to experience in your life now, and in the future is in DIRECT PROPORTION to the level of UNCERTAINTY you can comfortably handle.
The same goes with your intimate relationship! The quality of your relationship with your man is in direct proportion to the level of uncertainty that you can handle.
(please see this post on ‘is he Mr. Right?‘ for more information).
Surrendering and Being Submissive
Part of knowing how to be submissive, and knowing that it doesn’t mean you are inferior is understanding that by surrendering to a man’s leadership and strength at times, you allow your relationship to flow, be real and just be free. Without so much pent up anger and negative association that plagues many modern marriages and relationships.
Men can grow to resent a woman who is always fighting to be more like men.
As my report ‘What Men Think’ reveal, most men who took part in the survey indicated that they most respected and admired a woman who was comfortable with her femininity and able to let her guard down, thereby letting him in: being open to him. Making a man’s role real and worthy.
Also, being able to surrender shows that you have plenty of self confidence, esteem as a woman (not having to prove yourself and be in CONTROL all the time). You can also be charming when you “surrender” at the right time and the right person.
The root of our conflict with men is not being able to understand them. If you want to gain more understanding of men, Click here to check out more information of our popular program Understanding Men.
There is a follow-on post related to this one, please see ‘Surrendering to Masculine Energy‘ 🙂
I hope you enjoyed this. Any concerns or thoughts, be sure to let me know! 🙂