How to Be Submissive In A Relationship

How to be submissive in a relationship?

Modern women sometimes forget the value of having the ability to be submissive.

Firstly, don’t be fooled by the flashy title. I’m not encouraging women to play dumb, be stuck in a ‘housewife’ role, or have no opinions.

Being submissive to a man is not about that at all.

I’m also not encouraging women to be submissive all the time.  Being submissive is just another role that a woman can take up every now and then in her relationship with a high value, masculine man.

The reason I’m talking about being submissive is because it can bring more passion, strength and life to a healthy relationship.

IF your submissiveness is received by a man with love and respect. The key point here is that you need to do this inside a healthy relationship.

If you want to know if your relationship is healthy, here are 10 Ultimate Signs of A Healthy Relationship.

Being submissive is NOT something that you do with an abusive man.

submissive woman

Being submissive in A Relationship Is Just Another Part Of You

…Another part of you that you might want to bring out sometimes.

Being submissive – whether in a joking or serious way can awaken the most masculine yet tender character in a man.

Being a submissive woman is almost never about admitting you’re ‘wrong’ or less worthy than a man. Being submissive just allows for a man to feel more like a man around you, and – as a result, have that extra bit of passion for you.

Part of being in touch with your femininity is feeling all the different parts of yourself that you can feel in your body.

This is about accepting that there are many different parts of you. You are not just one kind of woman!

When you know this, you start to explore and begin to know how to ‘go there’ (be submissive) when you want to. Submission is a part of learning to become more feminine as well.

So, the question of how to be submissive leads me to bringing up some things that you will need to understand and therefore be able to be submissive at times.

The ‘how’ will come to you through understanding of the reason behind it.

Case Study: Learn How our member Alison went from attracting perpetual abusive relationships… …To finally learning the skill of weeding out the wrong types of men, and passing the hardest test of them all… an accidental pregnancy after a month of dating! (…All by learning one simple skill.)

Being In Control All The Time Doesn’t Help Your Relationship With A Man

Our society has encouraged women to keep their guard up and wear masks (instead of being comfortable in their feminine core/essence).

Many of us naturally feminine women have gotten the message that we need to hide it away. Instead of being feminine, we often choose to ‘be in control’.

At the very least, we prefer to give the impression that we are in control.

This need to be in control is one of the biggest things that not only repels men, but makes it harder for women to find a good boyfriend and keep him!

Also it’s important to remember that going to school from a young age teaches us that being ‘right’ is high on the list of importance. We as women now have to be right, be smart and be intelligent too.

Nothing wrong with all of that. I personally went to law school and got myself a law degree.

However, I quickly realised that it did not help me in my relationship whatsoever!

Many women have also learned that they need to be like steel in the face of conflict. That is definitely not how to be submissive at all.

(What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…)

CLICK HERE to LEARN the One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Masculine Man That Inspires Him to Want to Take Care of You, Worship You and Deeply Commit to You.

Being Submissive In A Relationship Makes In Erotic And Passionate

I’ve mentioned it before and I’ll mention it again. A man really wants his woman to be open to him, and to let him in (emotionally, mentally, sexually, spiritually).

This is because it’s erotic for a man to feel the feeling of a woman gradually opening and trusting in him and his direction.

Of course, when we open, surrender to and trust a man’s masculine direction in the bedroom, that allows a him to feel our feminine energy.

He also gets to feel more of a man in the process of feeling your submissiveness and dominating you (hopefully from a place of love).

Modern Society & Traditional Education Turns Women Into Dominating Creatures

The problem with the way we’re educated (or not educated) at school, is that it’s turned a lot of women in to these intensely dominating creatures that completely emasculate the men around them. (read my article about learning how to be open)

The problem with this comes when you face of conflict inside of a relationship. There always IS conflict and always will be, it’s natural and good.

Yet in the face of conflict, many women often use these steel masks to cover up the natural parts of themselves that would come out when in moments of connectedness with a man.

Women Can Feel The MOST Vulnerable.

Women, in many ways, are the most vulnerable.

As a result, they have to use masks more than anything, to survive in a world that doesn’t always honour sensitivity.

Our world doesn’t always allow us the luxury of being sensitive to how people are treating us, how others feel and how we feel.

Our society seems to value being socially acceptable instead.

There’s nothing wrong with that. Until we’ve practised it so long that we bring the same need to be ‘acceptable’ and fake in our intimate relationships.

In the face of conflict, a woman can decide to open up to her man and remove the mask.

Decisions shape your future, and it’s as simple as making a decision, and focusing on the positives of doing this rather than the comfort of doing things the same way you always have.

how to stay high value

Allow A Man Space To Give You His Masculine Direction

The best thing about learning to surrender to a man’s masculine direction is that it gives him a safe place to be the dark masculine parts of him!

So, let him in and try to let him take the lead – try to trust him even when it feels unfamiliar to trust.

It’s you’re afraid, just say something like:

“I am afraid, but I’m willing to trust you.”

(Sorry in advance if you feel like I’m making a bunch of generalisations – but for the purpose of this post, they are useful).

The truth is, in general, men are built naturally physically stronger than women.

And, they operate differently to women mentally too (think about a woman’s handbag, and how she magically fits in the contents of an entire HOUSE in it; versus a man who only carries a wallet with a few cards and some money.

Deep down, all women have vulnerabilities. All women have deep fears and feelings of uncertainty, especially in the face of violence.

Many of us also have a fear of abandonment. If that’s you, you may be interested in reading my article How The Fear Of Abandonment Can Make You More Beautiful…

A trustable man wants you to show him your vulnerabilities!

It’s a simple word of ‘I am afraid’ or ‘this scares me.’

(Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

CLICK HERE to discover how much you truly live in your feminine energy with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz!

How Does Submitting Benefit A Woman? Why Would You Want To “Submit” To A Man?

A lady asked this great question in my facebook group:

why be submissive

Here are the reasons to submit to a good man:

In my own relationship, I “submit” for these reasons:

  1. He’s earned my trust.
  2. For the enjoyment of the polarity in the relationship.
  3. Because he’s passed all the possible tests under the sun, and deserves nothing less than that, in the right context.
  4. Because I believe that without submission in particular contexts, you cannot really live an infinite life as a woman. You may live a good life, but not an infinite one. And this is because through submission to a good man, you get to express yourself to the fullest (dark and light feminine energy), rather than just surface interactions.

I don’t submit to my man all the way through the day…I mean, we have responsibilities and a family to raise and feed.

But I don’t think most men are worthy of women submitting to them off the bat, if AT ALL.

For a man to be worthy of submitting to, he needs to be very intelligent, resourceful, and genuine about investing in you and caring about your feelings. All of that has to occur over time.

I wouldn’t (and would never advise a woman to) submit to a lazy doorknob. 

As such, “submitting” to your man really is a gradual process of you testing him, him testing you, and you growing more open and trusting of him over time. 

learn the dark feminine art of High Value Banter here.

A Submissive Woman: Trust Him To Take You Places You Cannot Go Alone

Why should you be a submissive woman in a relationship?

Because it allows you the gift of surrendering to, and trusting a man to take you places that you’ve never been before. Places you can never go by yourself.

Places in which only a strong masculine man can take you!

Places in which it is only with a feminine woman’s trust, that a man can take her!

The trends in our society have also lead women to become less trusting of men; one feminist even claiming that ‘all men are rapists’. *raises eyebrows* 

If you find that you have difficulty trusting men, or even people in general, I understand. You have every right to feel that way.

I also have an article that may help you with discerning who to trust and whom not to trust. You can read it here: Why You Can’t Trust People & 6 Hidden Signs They’re Untrustworthy.

There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. CLICK HERE to find out what they are.

Most Men Just Want To Do The Right Thing

Despite how many times you’ve been hurt by men, try to remember that every day there are men being heroic. Every day there are men out there standing up for what is right.

These are men who are taking care of and protecting people.

Most men, if they are raised reasonably well, actually want to do the right thing.

If you always assume bad intent in a man and let your feminine love be capped by your resentment, how can a man ever be a man around you?

Examples Of How To Be Submissive In A Relationship

Example 1: Being submissive is also about trusting your man enough to let him show you the way sometimes. Many women ask how not to be boring in their relationship.

And guess what, this is just one of the ways to not be boring. Surrender and allow your man the gift of your submissiveness!

Example 2: Also, you can ask him for help. Asking him for his opinion, or asking him for solutions is another method through which you can be submissive in a relationship.

Many men who are in touch with their masculinity at their core would jump at the chance to help a woman with something – really! It makes him feel needed, and useful. Not to mention manly 🙂

So, ask him for help even with the smallest things like bringing the shopping in, opening a jar, carrying something heavy, undoing a knot, etc.

Give him trust where you know it is deserved, and do it without question.

The masculine energy wants to be trusted. If you doubt your man all the time, it feels hurtful. It drains from the relationship bank!

Example 3: Know that he wants to have good direction to add to your life, so verbally thank him and appreciate him for gifting you with direction.

What does that mean? It means that you can thank him for sharing a solution with you.

Thank him for driving you somewhere for the first time (to a new place).

Be generous with your responsiveness to his suggestions, solutions and thoughts.

Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with my specially crafted 8 Question Quiz!

Good Men Work Hard To Be Trust By A Woman

A good man will work very hard to be trustworthy to you.

However, if there’s a cycle of you not being willing to TRY trust him, it makes it hard for him to BECOME more trustworthy.

This is because each mistrust is possibly stripping him of hope, as well as stripping him of his trust in you (and the relationship)!

Now, this isn’t just about trusting him not to cheat on you. That can be a part of this.

However, it’s more about learning to try to trust his direction in life.

So, even if you have a man who isn’t very smart, evolved or masculine or even correct in his direction, you don’t HAVE to pretend he’s right. You just express your fear when you know he may well be wrong.

You just have to behave as a woman who is willing to show that you are open to him even when he is wrong.

To Be A Submissive Woman, Don’t Tell Him He’s Wrong

It’s not always horrible to tell a man he’s wrong. In some contexts, perhaps it would be more efficient and get better results to tell him he’s wrong.

What you want to avoid, is fighting to be top dog in the relationship. In other words, you don’t want to be competing against him for who has the better masculine direction.

For example, your man wants to invest every last cent in a stock that you already know isn’t looking good.

Do you tell him he’s WRONG and it’s a horrible decision? This would crush his masculine soul.

Instead, to add value to your relationship, would you prefer to suggest to him that it makes you feel scared and nervous because of (list reasons)?

As a woman who is learning to give a man the gift of being submissive, of course you would choose the second option. As it shows you’re willing to TRY to trust him and still be open to him.

This is what it looks like to be a submissive woman.

Of course, if this is a man who is constantly making bad decisions, you may not want to stay with him long-term.

However, the principle of learning to show up more submissive and open in your feminine energy is the same. Choose to value openness MORE than cutting him down and emasculating him.

Value Openness More Than You Value Cutting Him Down

Ultimately, inside of a healthy relationship, it should be more important to you to value openness, than it is to value cutting him down.


Because being open and surrendering adds to the passion, emotional attraction and emotional connection inside of a relationship.

Whereas being domineering just takes value from the relationship and ruins the connection.

Question: have you seen men with their little girls/daughters? They don’t want to let ANYTHING hurt their little girl! (Ok unless he’s someone like Joseph Fritzl).

The same protective instinct applies with their wife or girlfriend, if only she could show a little innocence and submission – looking up to him as the leader.

Innocence is precious.

Innocence can also erode with a very high number of sexual partners as well as with the number of toxic relationships you have been in.

By the way, here’s a video I made on the 10 seemingly harmless signs of a toxic relationship.

To Be More Submissive, Retain Your Innocence As Much As Possible

We live in a society that doesn’t value innocence.

We are encouraged to do things that basically ruin our innocence from a young age. So, that’s why some women (and men) do end up quite jaded – but that can be fixed.

Just imagine the innocence and purity of a happy little girl.

A girl who is well loved and who feels pretty and beautiful. What does her energy feel like? Is she warm or cold? Is she hyperactive or calm? Is she vengeful or vulnerable?

Despite you having a possibly traumatic upbringing, CAN you find it within yourself to connect to an innocent and pure girl within you?

She could be your gateway to greater openness and feminine energy.

You see, no high value, masculine man wants to fail at leadership, especially with his woman.

And that’s why, if you can give him the gift of feeling successful around you, he will WANT to be around you and he will perceive value by being with you. (read my article about making a man succeed)

To Be Submissive, Cultivate The Ability To Sit With Uncertainty

This is where being submissive is especially powerful and strong, on the woman’s part. To be submissive, a woman has to be OK with being uncertain.

She has to let her guard down, peel off the mask and look of ‘steel’  and be free. Just look to your man as a possible source of strength for you when you might need it.

This is incredibly strong on the woman’s part.

A lot of people think that by not trusting people, they are being strong, independent and smart.

But, where does a lack of trust get us, really?

It gets us a whole world of pain, that’s what it does.

We walk around, holding ourselves back, not able to be free and to let go, and to fully enjoy what life has to offer.

We become unable to give people a chance to show their better side (often if you trust someone, they want to please you MORE).

(Read my article about what is a strong woman)

The happiness and freedom you are able to experience in your life now, and in the future is in DIRECT PROPORTION to the level of UNCERTAINTY you can comfortably handle.

The same goes with your intimate relationship!

The quality of your relationship with your man is in direct proportion to the level of uncertainty that you can handle.

Do you know the dark art of “High Value Banter” that helps you quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”? CLICK HERE to learn how in this free class.

Surrendering And Being Submissive

Part of knowing how to be submissive, and knowing that it doesn’t mean you are inferior is understanding that by surrendering to a man’s leadership and strength at times, you allow your relationship to flow.

By surrendering, you give your relationship the chance to be more real and just be free. Without so much pent up anger and negative association that plagues many modern marriages and relationships.

Men can come to resent a woman who is always fighting to be more significant than he is.

Women who always want to be the expert, be dominant, be ‘enough’ – they often struggle in relationships or any sort, let alone with a masculine man.

As my report ‘What Men Think’ revealed, most men who took part in the survey indicated that they most respected and admired a woman who was comfortable with her femininity and able to let her guard down.

By letting her guard down, a woman can start the process of letting him in: being open to him. Making a man’s role real and worthy.

Also, being able to surrender shows that you have plenty of self confidence and esteem as a woman. This means you are not the kind of woman who just has to prove yourself and be in control all the time).

You can also be charming when you “surrender” at the right time and to the right person.

CLICK HERE to discover the ONE PHRASE you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say!

Learn How To Be A High Value Woman And Add Real Value To Your Man

The root of our anxiety in a relationship with a man and the root of our conflict with men is not being able to understand them.

What men perceive as high value is often very different to what we perceive value in as women. If you want to learn how to add value to men, then check out Understanding Men.

There is a follow-on post related to my article on ‘Surrendering to Masculine Energy – check that out if you want!

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new program. Click HERE to get yourself a copy)

I hope you enjoyed this. Any concerns or thoughts, be sure to let me know! 🙂

renee wade what to do when he doesn't call

P.S. If you liked this article, CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.

If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.

By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.

3.9 9 votes
Article Rating

High Value Women Group

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

Amen! I read this and you are so right!


… Being FEMININE has absolutely nothing to do with being submissive. And being MASCULINE has nothing to do with being dominant…. A woman can be strong, assertive, competent, and confident, without being “manly.” And a man can be understanding, kind, and more of a thinker than a doer, without being “emasculated.” You are defining such old, old gender roles, and while they are still clearly present in today’s society and media, there is no biological or psychological reason that a certain gender has to act a certain way. Yes, I am about 5 feet and 2 inches tall. I run… Read more »

Reply to  Lainey

THIS. What about men lowering their guard?
Don’t tell me how to be feminine. I’m not going to revert to being a little girl to please anyone. I’ll let him do the heavy lifting. I’ll trust him with my thoughts. He should too.


I wish I could be submissive, but my husband wants me to take care of everything…bills, work, kids, house work, dinner, cleaning, etc. It is very little he takes on. It gets on the way of his comfort levels. He likes everything in order with very minimal effort. Even in our intimate times, which are very seldom, he just lays there and expects me to do all the work. If I do not initiate it, he wont. Sometimes I have even not initiated intimacy for weeks and months and he, plain and simple would just not engage on it. I… Read more »

new to this
new to this

I am new to this and actually dont want to come accross as being uneducated, I have spend hours and hours reading and researching this topic,due to advice that the man I have been seeing gave me. At first, I honestly thought that this new found remarkble man was just going to be a sex partner for me to get over a horrible ling relationship. I was so intrigued by his expectations in the bedroom as well as very pleased that i began asking him questions, and to my surprise realized that i wanted nothing more than to give him… Read more »

new to this
new to this
Reply to  new to this

Sorry didn’t mean to send without completing my statement!! As a bartender it has been basically impossible to find someone that is willing to be supportive of my job, but he is completely supportive, I am assuming it is because he is secure enough with himself that he isn’t worried about what my job consist of. So, another question that I have for you is this, he isn’t the “bar” type, doesn’t care for the surroundings, believe it or not, neither do I, but when he tells me to do what I have to, flirt, shake my butt, whatever it… Read more »


I was raised to be more dominant than submissive. Not until I got married did I understand the importance of submissiveness and femininity. It has made a world of difference in my relationship! My husband becomes stronger and manlier the more I become submissive and feminine 🙂 it’s actually a very interesting dynamic and I love it! I also came across a book called Fascinating Womanhood that radically changed my life. I would definitely recommend checking it out. There are times where I go back to the way I was raised (maybe during arguments for example) and the results are… Read more »

Grace Ortiz
Grace Ortiz

This is a great column. It took me over 9 yrs. to realize I couldn’t be strong all the time for everyone including my husband, once I internalized how much strength it took to keep up that facade I realized I had to let it go and set myself free and it’s ok to lean on my man for support and strength. It has made a world of a difference and because of it no matter what problems or situations we go thru we continue to strive on together. I don’t always have to be the glue.


Thank you so much. I agree with this 100% I love to be feminine and submissive in my relationship. It feels good to have a man that can lead our family. This is a great article.


A recent article by Renee discussed being a “pleaser” as opposed to being a “giver”, which made me think of this article. I think it would too easy to slide into being a pleaser if one doesn’t clearly understand the concept of being submissive. Pleasers are very annoying and Renee discussed how this is not healthy in a relationship and will push a man away. I;m comfortable in a submissive role, but feel it’s important to keep it in perspective, and not try to please him in everything, because that can lead to feeling diminished as a person. I’ve done… Read more »


I found this article to be very enlightening. I thought I was doing to right thing by following my husband’s lead (my idea of submission) only he interpreted it to be a lack of self respect. Gradually his attacks and mood swings caused me to begin taking more responsibility for myself. Something that seemed unnatural in a relationship but seemed to be the best way to avoid pain and quarrels. He would often say he doesnt know what it was that made him so discontented because he lived in paradise and should be happier. I often felt that maybe he… Read more »


I just wanted to say that I really liked this post an ive been tryingto find ways to be more womanly for my man and this article gives you simple tips. So thanks for that. Also as a muslim woman I agree that this is a natural way of being as stated by Chrystyana. Since we also believe in the truth of the Bible (which I dont think many people know). We call it ‘fitrah’ a natural way of being. and by nature we meant to be paired just like all creatures have a male and female pair and God… Read more »


Thank you so much for your article. My husband and I are beginning to understand and explore our relationship that has, unknowingly, been more or less and D/s relationship. Can you suggest any books that will help us understand the psychology behind our dominant/submissive behaviour? Neither of us is in to receiving or giving pain but most texts I find are related to sexual D/s with a heavy emphasis on giving/receiving pain.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.


Equality simply means two properties that are EQUIVALENT; they are the same type and same amount e.g. two biologists in the same field of study and of equal intelligence in that field. Since submission and dominance are not equivalent roles when it comes to leadership, then they are not equal by definition of the word equality. So either you don’t believe in equality of men and women and you do believe submission and dominance roles or you believe in equality and don’t believe in submission and dominance roles; otherwise that is inconsistent. And by the way what is “masculine and… Read more »


When my relationship with my boyfriend was brand new, I quickly understood that when he made a decision, he did NOT want an argument about it. But I began to see that due to some severe health issues, he often does not feel as if he has any control or influence, and he came off as being bossy and controlling, sometimes to his disadvantage. I learned that if I gave him the respect he was craving, and stopped second-guessing his decisions, he became less stubborn and more willing to let me into his life and heart. I felt that it… Read more »

Reply to  schatzi

You are on point sister! Methink you are the model for every woman that wants to have peace, love, understanding, wisdom and respect in her relationship with her man! You can never be more correct with this master piece!

Ronette H.
Ronette H.

I think people should really look up that word submission. There is too much emphasis on who should be in control in a relationship when it clearly takes two people to learn how to compromise, instead of the woman being submissive. That is very one sided and is very selfish for anyone to have this kind of concept. Let’s be honest, submission means that you are giving up control of yourself. People can sugarcoat that word all they want, but it is what it is. A woman should never give up having control of herself just to make a man… Read more »

Lindsey Brennan
Lindsey Brennan

I disagree with Tracey’s thoughts on this matter. Her suggestion that the author find females with healthy emotional well being is condescending and contradictory. She advises that she has had different experiences and apparently seeks understanding and acceptance that her opinion is different than insults the author by stating she should find females with healthy emotional well being. I am one of a large number of females that is submissive in the form that is described here. I am also emotionally healthy as are those in my circle. Female submission is not an indicator of lack of emotional health. Tracey… Read more »


Equating feminity with submissiveness is just misogyny masquerading as help. Mature women don’t tolerate being secondary to men, and mature men aren’t so fragile as to require it. I hope anyone who considers taking the advice on this site checks out a proper therapist instead.

Lindsey Brennan
Lindsey Brennan
Reply to  Syd

No, Syd. Misogyny has many forms. Including those who tell healthy adult women that they can’t make choices that are correct for them. Mature women respect that other mature women have different worldviews and don’t attempt to imply that anyone that doesn’t fit a strain of feminism’s ideology that they are emotionally unwell. Syd, you have no idea what it takes to be a true submissive and yet are posing as some healthy expert on the lives of others. Perhaps you should consult a proper therapist that can teach you respect for diversity.

Teresa W.
Teresa W.

thank you for your article, only some of us have had very bad experiences in relationships. It is hard to trust in fear of being hurt again. Men have this sorta ego thing going on, and you are correct, if we could learn to submit and be ourselves. I really hate the person I have become, and that is to stand up for myself. I love God, and if no one wants my love, he does. Women are tired of men playing their Dad and not the role they should. No need to take advantage of us. Signed, what am… Read more »


45 year old single male here. Well thought out article, I think the term submissive is probably a trap.. it has so many poor connotations now. In a way I think the term genteel may be at least as appropriate (with other problems). I know this will sound odd, but accepting that the other person can be a source of strength and comfort is not.. being submissive (at least to me) its just being a partner on that can accept help as well as give help to some one. One of my basic views in life is that there is… Read more »


Thanks for this article. I have a submissive streak a valley wide, but I get offended by a lot of articals written about submission in relationships, many are written from a religious perspective and will preach to women about giving their men all control, it becomes very self-deprecating and alienating towards women. This artical is the only one I’ve found that communicates the modern meaning of submission. I’m a strong, level-headed woman, and I’m naturally suspicious of others’ motives, but I trusting a man and looking towards him for guidance and protection when I need it is what love is… Read more »


I am 36 years old, most of my life I have been the one in the relationship to take care of all the business of the household…I am married to a great man now, but we always run into problems because I take the responsabilities away from my husband. We always get into fights because he says I emasculate him, how do I change this when I have been this way for my whole life? I have been through abuse in my first marriage, lost my second husband to an accident, and I want to work things out with my… Read more »

Send this to a friend