How to be submissive in a relationship?
Modern women sometimes forget the value of having the ability to be submissive.
Firstly, don’t be fooled by the flashy title. I’m not encouraging women to play dumb, be in a ‘housewife’ role, or have no opinions.
Being submissive to a man is not about that at all.
I’m also not encouraging women to be submissive all the time. Being submissive is just another role that a woman can take up every now and then in her relationship with a high value, masculine man.
The reason I’m talking about being submissive is because it can bring more passion, strength and life to a healthy relationship.
IF your submissiveness is received by a man with love and respect. The key point here is that you need to do this inside a healthy relationship.
If you want to know if your relationship is healthy, here are 10 Ultimate Signs of A Healthy Relationship.
Being submissive is NOT something that you do with an abusive man.
Being submissive in a relationship is just another part of you that you might want to bring out sometimes
Being submissive – whether in a joking or serious way can awaken the most masculine yet tender character in a man.
Being a submissive woman is almost never about admitting you’re ‘wrong’ or less worthy than a man. Being submissive just allows for a man to feel more like a man around you, and – as a result, have that extra bit of passion for you.
Part of being in touch with your femininity is feeling all the different parts of yourself that you can feel in your body.
This is about accepting that there are many different parts of you. You are not just one kind of woman!
When you know this, you start to explore and begin to know how to ‘go there’ (be submissive) when you want to. Submission is a part of learning to become more feminine as well.
So, the question of how to be submissive leads me to bringing up some things that you will need to understand and therefore be able to be submissive at times.
The ‘how’ will come to you through understanding of the reason behind it.
Being in control all the time doesn’t help your relationship with a man
Our society has encouraged women to keep their guard up and wear masks (instead of being comfortable in their feminine core/essence).
Many of us naturally feminine women have gotten the message that we need to hide it away. Instead of being feminine, we often choose to ‘be in control’.
At the very least, we prefer to give the impression that we are in control.
Also it’s important to remember that going to school from a young age teaches us that being ‘right’ is high on the list of importance. We as women now have to be right, be smart and be intelligent too.
Nothing wrong with all of that. I personally went to law school and got myself a law degree.
However, I quickly realised that it did not help me in my relationship whatsoever!
Many women have learned that they need to be like steel in the face of conflict. That is definitely not how to be submissive at all.
(What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…)
Being submissive in a relationship makes in erotic and passionate
I’ve mentioned it before and I’ll mention it again. A man really wants his woman to be open to him, and to let him in (emotionally, mentally, sexually, spiritually).
This is because it’s erotic for a man to feel the feeling of a woman gradually opening and trusting in him and his direction.
Of course, when we open, surrender to and trust a man’s masculine direction in the bedroom, that allows a him to feel our feminine energy. He also gets to feel more of a man in the process of feeling your submissiveness and dominating you (hopefully from a place of love).
Modern society & traditional education turns women into dominating creatures
The problem with the way we’re educated (or not educated) at school, is that it’s turned a lot of women in to these intensely dominating creatures that completely emasculate the men around them. (read my article about learning how to be open)
The problem with this comes when you face of conflict inside of a relationship. There always IS conflict and always will be, it’s natural and good.
Yet in the face of conflict, many women often use these steel masks to cover up the natural parts of themselves that would come out when in moments of connectedness with a man.
Women can feel the MOST vulnerable.
Women, in many ways, are the most vulnerable.
As a result, they have to use masks more than anything, to survive in a world that doesn’t always honour sensitivity.
Our world doesn’t always allow us the luxury of being sensitive to how people are treating us, how others feel and how we feel.
Our society seems to value being socially acceptable instead.
There’s nothing wrong with that – until we’ve practised it so long that we bring the same need to be ‘acceptable’ and fake in our intimate relationships.
In the face of conflict, a woman can decide to open up to her man and remove the mask.
Decisions shape your future, and it’s as simple as making a decision, and focusing on the positives of doing this rather than the comfort of doing things the same way you always have.
Allow a man space to give you his masculine direction
The best thing about learning to surrender to a man’s masculine direction is that it gives him a safe place to be the dark masculine parts of him!
So, let him in and try to let him take the lead – try to trust him even when it feels unfamiliar to trust.
It’s you’re afraid, just say “I am afraid, but I’m willing to trust you.”
(Sorry in advance if you feel like I’m making a bunch of generalisations – but for the purpose of this post, they are useful).
The truth is, in general, men are built naturally physically stronger than women.
And, they operate differently to women mentally too (think about a woman’s handbag, and how she magically fits in the contents of an entire HOUSE in it; versus a man who only carries a wallet with a few cards and some money.
Deep down, all women have vulnerabilities and deep fears and feelings of uncertainty, especially in the face of violence. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)
A trustable man wants you to show him this!
It’s a simple word of ‘I am afraid’ or ‘this scares me.’
Here’s how to be a submissive woman: trust him to take you places you cannot go alone
Why should you be a submissive woman in a relationship?
Because it allows you the gift of surrendering to, and trusting a man to take you places that you’ve never been before. Places you can never go by yourself.
Places in which online a strong masculine man can take you!
Places in which it is only with a feminine woman’s trust, that a man can take her!
The trends in our society have also lead women to become less trusting of men; one feminist even claiming that ‘all men are rapists’. *raises eyebrows*
Most men just want to do the right thing
Despite how many times you’ve been hurt by men, try to remember that every day there are men being heroic. Every day there are men out there standing up for what is right.
These are men who are taking care of and protecting people.
Most men, if they are raised reasonably well, actually want to do the right thing.
If you always assume bad intent in a man and let your feminine love be capped by your resentment, how can a man ever be a man around you?
Examples of how to be submissive in a relationship
Example 1: Being submissive is also about trusting your man enough to let him show you the way sometimes. Many women ask how not to be boring in their relationship.
And guess what, this is just one of the ways to not be boring. Surrender and allow your man the gift of your submissiveness!
Example 2: Also, you can ask him for help. Asking him for his opinion, or asking him for solutions is another method through which you can be submissive in a relationship.
Many men who are in touch with their masculinity at their core would jump at the chance to help a woman with something – really! It makes him feel needed, and useful. Not to mention manly 🙂
So, ask him for help even with the smallest things like bringing the shopping in, opening a jar, carrying something heavy, undoing a knot, etc.
Give him trust where you know it is deserved, and do it without question.
The masculine energy wants to be trusted. If you doubt your man all the time, it feels hurtful. It drains from the relationship bank!
Example 3: Know that he wants to have good direction to add to your life, so verbally thank him and appreciate him for gifting you with direction.
What does that mean? It means that you can thank him for sharing a solution with you.
Thank him for driving you somewhere for the first time (to a new place).
Be generous with your responsiveness to his suggestions, solutions and thoughts.
Good men work hard to be trust by a woman
A good man will work very hard to be trustworthy to you.
However, if there’s a cycle of you not being willing to TRY trust him, it makes it hard for him to BECOME more trustworthy.
This is because each mistrust is possibly stripping him of hope, as well as stripping him of his trust in you (and the relationship)!
Now, this isn’t just about trusting him not to cheat on you. That can be a part of this.
However, it’s more about learning to try to trust his direction in life.
So, even if you have a man who isn’t very smart, evolved or masculine or even correct in his direction, you don’t HAVE to pretend he’s right. You just express your fear when you know he may well be wrong.
You just have to behave as a woman who is willing to show that you are open to him even when he is wrong.
To be a submissive woman, don’t tell him he’s wrong
It’s not always horrible to tell a man he’s wrong. In some contexts, perhaps it would be more efficient and get better results to tell him he’s wrong.
What you want to avoid, is fighting to be top dog in the relationship. In other words, you don’t want to be competing against him for who has the better masculine direction.
For example, your man wants to invest every last cent in a stock that you already know isn’t looking good.
Do you tell him he’s WRONG and it’s a horrible decision? This would crush his masculine soul.
Instead, to add value to your relationship, would you prefer to suggest to him that it makes you feel scared and nervous because of (list reasons)?
As a woman who is learning to give a man the gift of being submissive, of course you would choose the second option. As it shows you’re willing to TRY to trust him and still be open to him.
This is what it looks like to be a submissive woman.
Of course, if this is a man who is constantly making bad decisions, you may not want to stay with him long-term.
However, the principle of learning to show up more submissive and open in your feminine energy is the same. Choose to value openness MORE than cutting him down and emasculating him.
Value openness more than you value cutting him down
Ultimately, inside of a healthy relationship, it should be more important to you to value openness, than it is to value cutting him down.
Because being open and surrendering adds to the passion, attraction and connection inside of a relationship. Whereas being domineering just takes value from the relationship and ruins the connection.
Question: have you seen men with their little girls/daughters? They don’t want to let ANYTHING hurt their little girl! (Ok unless he’s someone like Joseph Fritzl).
The same protective instinct applies with their wife or girlfriend, if only she could show a little innocence and submission – looking up to him as the leader.
Innocence is precious.
Innocence can also erode with a very high number of sexual partners as well as with the number of toxic relationships you have been in.
By the way, here’s a video I made on the 10 seemingly harmless signs of a toxic relationship.
To be more submissive, retain your innocence as much as possible
We live in a society that doesn’t value innocence.
We are encouraged to do things that basically ruin our innocence from a young age. So, that’s why some women (and men) do end up quite jaded – but that can be fixed.
Just imagine the innocence and purity of a happy little girl.
A girl who is well loved and who feels pretty and beautiful. What does her energy feel like? Is she warm or cold? Is she hyperactive or calm? Is she vengeful or vulnerable?
Despite you having a possibly traumatic upbringing, CAN you find it within yourself to connect to an innocent and pure girl within you?
She could be your gateway to greater openness and feminine energy.
You see, no high value, masculine man wants to fail at leadership, especially with his woman.
And that’s why, if you can give him the gift of feeling successful around you, he will WANT to be around you and he will perceive value by being with you. (read my article about making a man succeed)
To be submissive, cultivate the ability to sit with uncertainty
This is where being submissive is especially powerful and strong, on the woman’s part. To be submissive, a woman has to be OK with being uncertain.
She has to let her guard down, peel off the mask and look of ‘steel’ and be free. Just look to your man as a possible source of strength for you when you might need it.
This is incredibly strong on the woman’s part.
A lot of people think that by not trusting people, they are being strong, independent and smart.
But, where does a lack of trust get us, really?
It gets us a whole world of pain, that’s what it does.
We walk around, holding ourselves back, not able to be free and to let go, and to fully enjoy what life has to offer.
We become unable to give people a chance to show their better side (often if you trust someone, they want to please you MORE).
The happiness and freedom you are able to experience in your life now, and in the future is in DIRECT PROPORTION to the level of UNCERTAINTY you can comfortably handle.
The same goes with your intimate relationship!
The quality of your relationship with your man is in direct proportion to the level of uncertainty that you can handle.
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Surrendering and Being Submissive
Part of knowing how to be submissive, and knowing that it doesn’t mean you are inferior is understanding that by surrendering to a man’s leadership and strength at times, you allow your relationship to flow.
By surrendering, you give your relationship the chance to be more real and just be free. Without so much pent up anger and negative association that plagues many modern marriages and relationships.
Men can come to resent a woman who is always fighting to be more significant than he is.
Women who always want to be the expert, be dominant, be ‘enough’ – they often struggle in relationships or any sort, let alone with a masculine man.
As my report ‘What Men Think’ revealed, most men who took part in the survey indicated that they most respected and admired a woman who was comfortable with her femininity and able to let her guard down.
By letting her guard down, a woman can start the process of letting him in: being open to him. Making a man’s role real and worthy.
Also, being able to surrender shows that you have plenty of self confidence and esteem as a woman. This means you are not the kind of woman who just has to prove yourself and be in control all the time).
You can also be charming when you “surrender” at the right time and to the right person.
Learn how to be a high value woman and add real value to your man
The root of our anxiety in a relationship with a man and the root of our conflict with men is not being able to understand them.
What men perceive as high value is often very different to what we perceive value in as women. If you want to learn how to add value to men, then check out Understanding Men.
There is a follow-on post related to my article on ‘Surrendering to Masculine Energy‘ – check that out if you want!
(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new program. Click HERE to get yourself a copy)
I hope you enjoyed this. Any concerns or thoughts, be sure to let me know! 🙂
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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