Most of us have at least small difficulties in opening up to people.
Sometimes it can be hard to even know how to open up in a relationship and be vulnerable with a man.
But like many things in life, it’s hard, but it’s worth doing. In fact, the rewards can be astonishing.
If you don’t open up in a relationship and be vulnerable with a man, you risk losing the connection you have with that man to someone else.
This is one of the single mot important posts on this blog. Please give this topic the time and attention it deserves.
Because if you do not feel like you can open your heart, either to friends, family, but especially to a man (or your man, if you have one), then nothing else will fall in to place.
Admittedly, it may be harder for you to open your heart, body, mind and soul to a man than it is to open your heart to your children, your parents, close friends and family.
How to Open up In A Relationship: Learning how to open
Knowing how to be vulnerable with a man and open up to a man will always be harder.
This is because you’ll have the strong resistance of fear.
However, your ability to open up, or your high value vulnerability as we call it, is one of the two traits that men routinely fall in love with!
See, in other relationships, it’s easier to open up to people.
This is because with your children, you have control (at least until a certain age).
But in your intimate relationships, you have no control. You have influence at best.
You also don’t have control when it comes to friends and family. But an intimate relationship is where ALL your fears come out.
Your vulnerability is always competing with your fears…
An intimate relationship is one of life’s greatest joys, but also one of our biggest challenges.
This is due to the contradiction between the fears being with the opposite sex produces in us, versus the requirement to actually open up.
Relationships magnify emotion. That’s why they can be so exhilarating, yet agonizing. Often at the same time.
Oxy-moronic I know, but we all know that some of our happiest moments are also our most painful moments. (read my article about how to deal with loneliness)
The blockage from past hurts
Being open can be terrifying.
If you have ever been hurt, and lost trust, then you may find it hard to open fully and to let a man full of direction enter you, or your world. Even if it has nothing to do with him.
Some women have been cheated on, on their husband had an affair.
Perhaps a man has lied to you before.
Perhaps you were assaulted or taken advantage of.
Some women who have been raped by a man for example, obviously have trouble learning to trust a man again.
The Quality Of Your Relationship With Your Father affects THIS
Sometimes, our relationship with our father affects our consequent tendency (or lack of tendency) to open up.
Our fathers are our first and earliest source of masculine energy.
So often, if we are unable to trust our fathers, or are hurt by them, we tend to also lose trust in others. Especially men.
A mother, too, depending on how great a mother she is/was, can cause you to shut down, and close up.
Our relationship with our parents is so important. It’s unfortunate that some parents actually cause their children more damage than good. (read my article about having too much baggage)
And if you lost trust with a parent, or a best friend, or a girlfriend or spouse, we can close up.
And this tendency to close our hearts gathers momentum, so much so that we may even forget to know how or more importantly, the why, to open to a man.
This post is not about giving a man sex.
It’s about giving to yourself. And to the people who mean the most to you.
The thing to remember is that the feminine energy either opens or it closes. It invites, or it shuts down.
There’s nothing wrong with shutting down. But some of us have our default setting at “shut down.”
(Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…)
How to Open Up In A Relationship? Find This First.
What do you need to find in order to be able to be vulnerable with a man? A man who is worthy of your trust
Few men will be truly worthy of your full trust.
Is he distracted by feminine radiance?
Is he distracted, or taken off-course by YOUR feminine radiance and beauty?
It’s fine for a man to appreciate feminine radiance, or just feminine energy in general, but by losing direction I mean; does he compromise his life direction and sense of purpose for feminine radiance and beauty?
Is he easily ‘powerless’ to the charms of a feminine woman? Does he seek approval from the attention, love and acceptance of women?
If he does, he is likely to cause you to trust him less. Not all the time, it all depends on the circumstances.
And it’s not so much about him getting distracted – it’s more that us women tend to intuitively not trust a man who seeks approval and validation from an attractive woman.
Even if you want to trust him, it is against your intuition.
A Man Who Relies on Approval Won’t Have Your TRUST
It’s fine for any of us to be grateful for, and enjoy, others praising us, but relying on their approval is a whole other world. Especially in a man’s case.
The men who have left a strong legacy, and who are trustworthy are the men who didn’t wait for the right time, or the right amount of approval from women.
Given that few men are worthy of your full trust, when you DO find one, or if you DO already have one, it’s essential to feel it in your body, and know how to be open to him.
If you are not, you’ll just alienate yourself from him and the relationship.
And as soon as a man feels a woman’s lack of trust in him, it changes the dynamics.
It also affects attraction. The masculine has a very strong, and real need to be trusted.
I remember a survey that I did a long time ago called “What Men Think”. And I compiled it into a free report for women.
One of the things they repeatedly mentioned was that they wish women would trust them a bit more.
The meaning of being open
To be truly feminine around a man who is worthy really means to open your heart in love to him even when you feel like closing it down.
In many moments, this is going to be excruciatingly painful and scary. But to grow, this is necessary.
How to open up
So this all begs the question: HOW do I open my heart? How do I know how to open up?
Right now I want you to do this:
Feel what it would be like to open fully to a worthy man.
How would you be breathing right now, moving right now, if your body was being entered by a man who is full of love for you?
Where would your hands be? How would you stand? Or sit?
What sounds would you be making?
Where would you hold your arms, if you were to let a man of integrity enter in to you and to take you and love you beyond your wildest imagination?
To be loved as much as your heart’s deepest desire, you have to open yourself to love, and love in return.
Open your heart even when your memories from the past guard you.
There may have been many men who were not worthy of your trust.
But there will be one who is. And if you’re fortunate, you may have been able to trust all the men you have been with.
And every time you feel like closing down, yet feel your man’s longing for intimacy with you, his advances towards you – choose first to understand him.
Know where he’s at, so that you can feel confident instead of fearful.
And then understand yourself, and realize your full capacity as a feminine woman to open fully and unguarded to him.
Opening up doesn’t have to be about sex
Again, it doesn’t have to be sex.
But the more you open, and the more you are in sync with your man, the less you will want to resist him. IF he is worthy of you as a woman.
The greatest gift a woman can be given by a worthy man is to be polarized by his masculine energy of direction, integrity and passion.
This makes it easy for you to go in to your feminine core again.
IF that’s what you want. Of course, you don’t have to want it. You may be busy doing things that require your masculine energy and that’s fine.
Be that as it may, when you spend enough time in your masculine, the way to gain back some happiness and to enrich your life, is to get back in touch with your core again.
A Man Who Is In His Feminine A Lot Will Make You Feel This.
The problem is, that if you have a man who is more in his feminine, you’ll be depolarized.
Then you’ll be forced to find your way, and make your own direction.
And you’ll probably even find yourself leading the relationship.
And the less loved and appreciated you feel, the more you’ll want to retreat; to close off your deepest source of love, and your deepest desire for love and intimacy.
And, I’m not going to lie, women are great leaders.
Sometimes you’ll have to lead, even if and when it feels unnatural to you.
If you’re a part of the corporate world, you’ll be doing it at work all day.
Yet in relationship, you need to allow yourself to be polarized. See my post on depolarization to learn more.
The less you feel a man’s direction, the more you’ll want to do your best to lead yourself. And him. And everything else 🙂
This is the exact position many women are in today. But by opening, by being inviting, you’ll invite and encourage more of his presence and masculinity.
And in turn, feel your own freedom.
It’s always your choice
Being open is not just physical. It’s a spiritual thing. And to be spiritually open, you must first choose to.
In any given moment, it is your choice.
Your loss or your gain.
And, if you are in a habit of closing down; if you are really good at closing down, chances are, you won’t open up.
You’re probably too used to shutting down. It’s become a habit that is ingrained in to your body. But this is your challenge.
You CAN open up, you just have to lead yourself, and not wait for the ‘right’ moment!! There IS no right moment! Only now.
To learn more about opening up, read my article on How To Be Vulnerable Without Being NEEDY.
To know the value of opening up to intimacy, trust and love, you have to focus on the positives of actually BEING open.
Focus – visually, emotionally, mentally – on WHATEVER it takes to make you associate more PLEASURE with opening up than PAIN.
Strong intimate relationships are built when both man and woman are able to open up. And be vulnerable.
Of course, you also want to make sure that you’e opening up within a healthy relationship. Here’s an article for you on the ultimate signs of a healthy relationship.
Advanced steps for an open woman
The question now is, how can you help yourself open up more?
You know what they say. With good quality questions, come better quality answers.
So here are 5 questions I have created for you to use to open more as a woman.
5 Questions to help you open up to love
- What is my decision not to open up costing me right NOW?
- What is my lack of openness costing my relationship?
- What has my refusal to open up cost me in the PAST?
In order to know how to open up in a relationship, it’s important to understand first the cost of not opening up.
To get to the HOW, we have to have serious motivation to want to DO the how.
To do that, we must connect an emotion to our experiences of not opening up in the past.
So, right now get out a piece of paper and try to answer the question…
“What has my refusal to open cost me in the PAST?”
- What is something positive about my refusal to open up in the past? In what ways has this served me well?
For example: was your decision not to open up actually a way of caring for others?
Were you trying to not burden others with your full self, your raw emotions and all?
Did it protect you from someone who severely abused you?
5. Now focus on the positives of your lack of openness, and apply this positive aspect to your decision to BE open instead.
For example, you can, conversely, show your care, trust and faith for others by being open.
Especially your man. But you have to know this.
For example, if you didn’t open up in the past in order to protect yourself from somebody who was hurting you, know that it’s OK to close up to those who aren’t worthy of your trust.
But it’s your responsibility to open up to those who are worth it. You can still choose to close down to people who have bad intentions.
How Has Your Refusal to Open Served You In The Past?
Know that, in the past, your tendency to not be open has served you well, in some ways.
It has protected you in some way from something harmful. But mostly, you’ll find it has done your relationships more damage than good.
Do you have the courage and strength to open to your man?
Will you open up so as to allow him more incredible bliss, ecstasy and happiness than he has ever had the privilege to experience, by being with you?
You know men want more than just sex (yes, there are some men who want a lower level of sexual experience, and do it solely for the purpose of orgasm and physical pleasure).
They can do it divorced from love.
But most men want more than that. A man actually DOES want to experience deep connection with you.
Make it true for yourself. Prove to yourself and others that it’s not just about the sex.
Related article: What Men REALLY Want When They Push You For Sex.
Intimacy between a man and a woman can lead to incredible healing.
You deserve that, and so does your man. The dance of the yin and the yang – the masculine and the feminine – is such an enriching life experience.
Most people who have felt real attraction know that nothing compares.
The challenge is to open further, when you feel the least loved.
Not by taking bad treatment, but by giving more of your presence.
The feminine has the most amazing capacity to open to, and give love. Use it. It is a gift to everybody.
When you’re alone, you can spend the time to work on yourself.
It doesn’t have to take long. Put on some music that changes your state. Or meditate, if that’s your thing.
See, I don’t use drugs or alcohol to feel something (we’re all doing something to get a feeling).
I use music, video, and food (natural food).
When I feel unhappy or closed, and feel like retreating but know it’s not serving me or my relationships, I listen to soulful music that drowns my body in freedom, energy and happiness.
Enigma and Era are musical geniuses that are sure to have something in store for you. Their music is the best I know for bringing you to freedom and openness.
Some examples of music you can use to open up to, & be vulnerable with a man…
Take these two music videos for example. You can dance to it, open your arms, smile, sway, and just enjoy it.
You can just try any music you know will inspire you.
There’s plenty of music out there. You know what works for you.
Do you know that there are triggers to men’s attraction? Click here to learn more about these 17 Attraction Triggers.
(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new program, “Becoming His One & Only”. Click HERE to get yourself a copy!)
What do you think about this post?
Feel free to leave a comment if you haven’t said hi yet, I love hearing from you!
Have you got any advice for women who are struggling to be open again after being hurt? Do you think there are positives to being open?
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.