How to Open Up in a relationship: 5 Questions to Become Vulnerable

Most of us have at least small difficulties in opening up to people.

Sometimes it can be hard to even know how to open up in a relationship and be vulnerable with a man.

But like many things in life, it’s hard, but it’s worth doing. In fact, the rewards can be astonishing.

How to Open Up to Love – Learning to be Open

If you don’t open up in a relationship and be vulnerable with a man, you risk losing the connection you have with that man to someone else.

Because if you do not feel like you can open your heart, either to friends, family, but especially to a man (or your man, if you have one), then nothing else will fall in to place.

Admittedly, it may be harder for you to open your heart, body, mind and soul to a man than it is to open your heart to your children, your parents, close friends and family. 

That’s quite normal. It’s normal for you as a woman to not trust a man, because he is so different to you. He has different reproductive agendas, and he sees the world through a different set of eyes.

But that does not mean that you cannot gradually trust him more and open to him more over time. And that’s what we’re really aiming for.

Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with my specially crafted 8 Question Quiz!

How To Open Up In A Relationship: Learning How To Open

Knowing how to be vulnerable with a man and open up to a man will always be harder.

This is because you’ll have the strong resistance of fear.

However, your ability to open up, or your high value vulnerability as we call it, is one of the two traits that men routinely fall in love with!

See, in other relationships, it’s easier to open up to people.

This is because with your children, you have control (at least until a certain age).

But in your intimate relationships, you have no control. You have influence at best.

You also don’t have control when it comes to friends and family. But an intimate relationship is where ALL your fears come out.

Your Vulnerability Is Always Competing With Your Fears…

An intimate relationship is one of life’s greatest joys, but also one of our biggest challenges.

This is due to the contradiction between the fears being with the opposite sex produces in us, versus the requirement to actually open up. 

Relationships magnify emotion. That’s why they can be so exhilarating, yet agonizing. Often at the same time.

Oxy-moronic I know, but we all know that some of our happiest moments are also our most painful moments. (read my article about how to deal with loneliness)

How to Open Up to Love – Learning to be Open

The Blockage From Past Hurts

Being open can be terrifying.

If you have ever been hurt, and lost trust, then you may find it hard to open fully and to let a man full of direction enter you, or your world. Even if it has nothing to do with him.

Some women have been cheated on, on their husband had an affair and left her for another woman.

Perhaps a man has lied to you before.

Perhaps you were assaulted or taken advantage of.

Some women who have been raped by a man for example, obviously have trouble learning to trust a man again.

The easiest path is to push him away, but the harder path is to stay open even while you are scared.

That’s the hard part, but that’s also where all the real juice is.

The juice that will make him be completely and utterly mesmerised by you. It is this process of a woman’s willingness to remain emotionally connected even while fearful that is inspiring to a man.

Because it creates more connection, whereas pushing a man away creates more disconnection.

(Not that disconnection is always bad. It can be useful in the right moments as well.)

Case Study: Learn How our member Alison went from attracting perpetual abusive relationships… …To finally learning the skill of weeding out the wrong types of men, and passing the hardest test of them all… an accidental pregnancy after a month of dating! (…All by learning one simple skill.)

The Quality Of Your Relationship With Your Father Affects THIS

Sometimes, our relationship with our father affects our consequent tendency (or lack of tendency) to open up. 

Our fathers are our first and earliest source of masculine energy.

So often, if we are unable to trust our fathers, or are hurt by them, we tend to also lose trust in others. Especially men.

A mother, too, depending on how great a mother she is/was, can cause you to shut down, and close up.

Our relationship with our parents is so important. It’s unfortunate that some parents actually cause their children more damage than good. (read my article about having too much baggage)

And if you lost trust with a parent, or a best friend, or a girlfriend or spouse, we can close up.

And this tendency to close our hearts gathers momentum, so much so that we may even forget to know how or more importantly, the why, to open to a man.

This post is not about giving a man sex.

It’s about giving to yourself. And to the people who mean the most to you. 

The thing to remember is that the feminine energy either opens or it closes. It invites, or it shuts down.

There’s nothing wrong with shutting down. But some of us have our default setting at “shut down.”

(Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…)

how to stay high value

How To Open Up In A Relationship? Find This First.

What do you need to find in order to be able to be vulnerable with a man? A man who is worthy of your trust

Few men will be truly worthy of your full trust.

Is he distracted by feminine radiance?

Is he distracted, or taken off-course by YOUR feminine radiance and beauty?

It’s fine for a man to appreciate feminine radiance, or just feminine energy in general, but by losing direction I mean; does he compromise his life direction and sense of purpose for feminine radiance and beauty?

Is he easily ‘powerless’ to the charms of a feminine woman? Does he seek approval from the attention, love and acceptance of women?

If he does, he is likely to cause you to trust him less. Not all the time, it all depends on the circumstances.

And it’s not so much about him getting distracted – it’s more that us women tend to intuitively not trust a man who seeks approval and validation from an attractive woman.

Even if you want to trust him, it is against your intuition.

(Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

CLICK HERE to discover how much you truly live in your feminine energy with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz!

A Man Who Relies On Approval Won’t Have Your TRUST

It’s fine for any of us to be grateful for, and enjoy, others praising us, but relying on their approval is a whole other world. Especially in a man’s case.

The men who have left a strong legacy, and who are trustworthy are the men who didn’t wait for the right time, or the right amount of approval from women.

Given that few men are worthy of your full trust, when you DO find one, or if you DO already have one, it’s essential to feel it in your body, and know how to be open to him.

If you are not, you’ll just alienate yourself from him and the relationship.

And as soon as a man feels a woman’s lack of trust in him, it changes the dynamics.

It also affects attraction. The masculine has a very strong, and real need to be trusted.

I remember a survey that I did a long time ago called “What Men Think”. And I compiled it into a free report for women.

One of the things they repeatedly mentioned was that they wish women would trust them a bit more.

The Meaning Of Being Open

To be truly feminine around a man who is worthy really means to open your heart in love to him even when you feel like closing it down.

In many moments, this is going to be excruciatingly painful and scary. But to grow, this is necessary.

How To Open Up

So this all begs the question: HOW do I open my heart? How do I know how to open up?

Right now I want you to do this:

Feel what it would be like to open fully to a worthy man.

How would you be breathing right now, moving right now, if your body was being entered by a man who is full of love for you?

Where would your hands be? How would you stand? Or sit?

What sounds would you be making?

Where would you hold your arms, if you were to let a man of integrity enter in to you and to take you and love you beyond your wildest imagination?

To be loved as much as your heart’s deepest desire, you have to open yourself to love, and love in return.

Open your heart even when your memories from the past guard you.

There may have been many men who were not worthy of your trust. 

But there will be one who is. And if you’re fortunate, you may have been able to trust all the men you have been with.

And every time you feel like closing down, yet feel your man’s longing for intimacy with you, his advances towards you – choose first to understand him.

Know where he’s at, so that you can feel confident instead of fearful.

And then understand yourself, and realize your full capacity as a feminine woman to open fully and unguarded to him.

Opening Up Doesn’t Have To Be About Sex

Again, it doesn’t have to be sex.

But the more you open, and the more you are in sync with your man, the less you will want to resist him. IF he is worthy of you as a woman.

The greatest gift a woman can be given by a worthy man is to be polarized by his masculine energy of direction, integrity and passion.

This makes it easy for you to go in to your feminine core again.

IF that’s what you want. Of course, you don’t have to want it. You may be busy doing things that require your masculine energy and that’s fine. 

Be that as it may, when you spend enough time in your masculine, the way to gain back some happiness and to enrich your life, is to get back in touch with your core again.

A Man Who Is In His Feminine A Lot Will Make You Feel This.

The problem is, that if you have a man who is more in his feminine, you’ll be depolarized.

Then you’ll be forced to find your way, and make your own direction.

And you’ll probably even find yourself leading the relationship.

And the less loved and appreciated you feel, the more you’ll want to retreat; to close off your deepest source of love, and your deepest desire for love and intimacy.

And, I’m not going to lie, women are great leaders.

Sometimes you’ll have to lead, even if and when it feels unnatural to you.

If you’re a part of the corporate world, you’ll be doing it at work all day.

Yet in relationship, you need to allow yourself to be polarized. See my post on depolarization to learn more.

The less you feel a man’s direction, the more you’ll want to do your best to lead yourself. And him. And everything else 🙂

This is the exact position many women are in today. But by opening, by being inviting, you’ll invite and encourage more of his presence and masculinity.

And in turn, feel your own freedom.

It’s Always Your Choice

Being open is not just physical. It’s a spiritual thing. And to be spiritually open, you must first choose to.

In any given moment, it is your choice.

Your loss or your gain.

And, if you are in a habit of closing down; if you are really good at closing down, chances are, you won’t open up.

You’re probably too used to shutting down. It’s become a habit that is ingrained in to your body. But this is your challenge.

You CAN open up, you just have to lead yourself, and not wait for the ‘right’ moment!! There IS no right moment! Only now.

To learn more about opening up, read my article on How To Be Vulnerable Without Being NEEDY. 

To know the value of opening up to intimacy, trust and love, you have to focus on the positives of actually BEING open.

Focus – visually, emotionally, mentally – on WHATEVER it takes to make you associate more PLEASURE with opening up than PAIN.

Strong intimate relationships are built when both man and woman are able to open up. And be vulnerable.

Of course, you also want to make sure that you’e opening up within a healthy relationship. Here’s an article for you on the ultimate signs of a healthy relationship. 

Advanced Steps For An Open Woman

The question now is, how can you help yourself open up more?

You know what they say. With good quality questions, come better quality answers.

So here are 5 questions I have created for you to use to open more as a woman.

5 Questions To Help You Open Up To Love

  1. What is my decision not to open up costing me right NOW?
  2. What is my lack of openness costing my relationship?
  3. What has my refusal to open up cost me in the PAST?

    In order to know how to open up in a relationship, it’s important to understand first the cost of not opening up.

    To get to the HOW, we have to have serious motivation to want to DO the how.

    To do that, we must connect an emotion to our experiences of not opening up in the past.

    So, right now get out a piece of paper and try to answer the question…
    “What has my refusal to open cost me in the PAST?”
  4. What is something  positive about my refusal to open up in the past? In what ways has this served me well?

For example: was your decision not to open up actually a way of caring for others?

Were you trying to not burden others with your full self, your raw emotions and all?

Did it protect you from someone who severely abused you?

5. Now focus on the positives of your lack of openness, and apply this positive aspect to your decision to BE open instead.

For example, you can, conversely,  show your care, trust and faith for others by being open.

Especially your man. But you have to know this.

For example, if you didn’t open up in the past in order to protect yourself from somebody who was hurting you, know that it’s OK to close up to those who aren’t worthy of your trust.

But it’s your responsibility to open up to those who are worth it. You can still choose to close down to people who have bad intentions.

CLICK HERE to discover the ONE PHRASE you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say!

How Has Your Refusal To Open Served You In The Past?

Know that, in the past, your tendency to not be open has served you well, in some ways.

It has protected you in some way from something harmful. But mostly, you’ll find it has done your relationships more damage than good.

Related: 10 Seemingly Harmless Signs Of A Toxic Relationship.

Do you have the courage and strength to open to your man?

Will you open up so as to allow him more incredible bliss, ecstasy and happiness than he has ever had the privilege to experience, by being with you?

You know men want more than just sex (yes, there are some men who want a lower level of sexual experience, and do it solely for the purpose of orgasm and physical pleasure).

They can do it divorced from love.

But most men want more than that. A man actually DOES want to experience deep connection with you.

Make it true for yourself. Prove to yourself and others that it’s not just about the sex.

Related article: What Men REALLY Want When They Push You For Sex.

Intimacy between a man and a woman can lead to incredible healing.

You deserve that, and so does your man. The dance of the yin and the yang – the masculine and the feminine – is such an enriching life experience.

Most people who have felt real attraction know that nothing compares.

The challenge is to open further, when you feel the least loved.

Not by taking bad treatment, but by giving more of your presence.

The feminine has the most amazing capacity to open to, and give love. Use it. It is a gift to everybody.

More Resources

When you’re alone, you can spend the time to work on yourself.

It doesn’t have to take long. Put on some music that changes your state. Or meditate, if that’s your thing.

See, I don’t use drugs or alcohol to feel something (we’re all doing something to get a feeling).

I use music, video, and food (natural food).

When I feel unhappy or closed, and feel like retreating but know it’s not serving me or my relationships, I listen to soulful music that drowns my body in freedom, energy and happiness.

Enigma and Era are musical geniuses that are sure to have something in store for you. Their music is the best I know for bringing you to freedom and openness

Some Examples Of Music You Can Use To Open Up To, & Be Vulnerable With A Man…

Take these two music videos for example. You can dance to it, open your arms, smile, sway, and just enjoy it.

You can just try any music you know will inspire you.

There’s plenty of music out there. You know what works for you.

Do you know that there are triggers to men’s attraction? Click here to learn more about these 17 Attraction Triggers.

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new program, “Becoming His One & Only”. Click HERE to get yourself a copy!)

What do you think about this post?

Feel free to leave a comment if you haven’t said hi yet, I love hearing from you!

Have you got any advice for women who are struggling to be open again after being hurt? Do you think there are positives to being open?

renee wade what to do when he doesn't call

P.S. If you liked this article, CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.

If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.

By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.

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Richard Wilsom
Richard Wilsom

This is such a crock, “Given that few men are worthy of your full trust.” Of course if this is a persons mind set, they will generally be 100% successful at validating it….because of there choice’s.

Taylor Downing
Taylor Downing

This is an excellent article. Right now I’m having a hard time opening up to a new guy. This is just what I needed

Sharon Daniels
Sharon Daniels

Love this article!!! It’s just what i needed! Thank you ?

Lavarus BossHog
Lavarus BossHog

i enjoy reading these kind of thing. it makes me understand women more and done be in a hurry to push a woman more into her feeling before she’s ready to. i dont use it as a cheat sheet or anything i just read to understand more about women feelings.


I’m just a normal guy, who always ends up in fucked up situations..


Hey, thank you for this inspiring and grounding post. You made the point that every moment* is the right moment to be open. That is the most important message I took from this because it gives strength and allows self-forgiveness for not being open in the past, because that moment is gone and a new moment is here. (*Every moment you are with someone worthy of being open with. Not everyone is worthy of your openness, I have learned this the hard way with some “family members” whom I thought were loving and kind but were actually very manipulative and… Read more »


I would like to say thank you for this amazing article. It is helping me and my beautiful, loving woman so much.
Please keep on radiating this extraordinary energy through your blog.


This is the most amazing article. It is the first resource that I have felt in my heart and sole is exactly what is going on with me and what I need to do. It helped to validate my feelings of being so closed off and the fears of opening up again. Thank you a million times. My story is difficult as is everyone else’s. I had such difficulties letting someone in after my divorce and when I finally did he betrayed my trust. I am still with him because he has done nothing but try and prove his remorse… Read more »


I never comment on blogs, but this has to be the most insightful, most encouraging, most inspiring articles I have ever read. Thank you!


Very nice article. Men with tough pasts with their mothers often go through similar struggles. Love is so rare, so precious and can help heal so much. I pray that more women open themselves up to it but focus on the right things so they don’t get hurt again and fall into pits. I’ve always been a guy that a few women love but for reasons listed and a few others not listed, they can’t open up to fully but they do to someone else to disastrous effects. I’m always helping them pick up the pieces until it happens again… Read more »


I love your blogs, and I completely agree that women have to be more feminine, I’ve been told that by my ex, and I want to but now I don’t want to try with him anymore, although he wants to be with me, I can’t get over the past. I just don’t know how to behave when it comes to issues in the relationship. He would tell me he’s going to fix a few problems we were having, things he was doing, but never does. Now the thing that confuses me is, how do I be submissive then? I can’t… Read more »

Is Respark The romance effective
Is Respark The romance effective

Backup our cause. Our buddy was just identified as having this.
It is good to present our services!


There’s this guy that I work with that I think is trying to get to know me. I can feel him gravitating toward me but I can also feel my resistance. It’s a slight tug. I want to turn away and hide from him but at the same time, I really don’t. Especially when his hand ‘accidentally’ brushes mine which I think is no accident. It sort of relaxes me makes me feel okay and grounded. But when he comes too close, or really when any man comes too close, I feel a mild panic bubbling under the surface and… Read more »

Unicorns United
Unicorns United
Reply to  kira

I just can’t, I really can’t. I am really not capable of being vulnerable with a man. I have tried to for too long with my ex and it hurt me so immensely that I really can’t anymore. It’s like I laid down a silk table cloth and he scraped it with raw stones until the whole thing was destroyed, and now I’m supposed to show the dirty torn thing to a new romantic interest? He’ll be running for the hills I’m sure. Sex; sure, fine, I can do that. I’m not ashamed of my body and I can physically… Read more »

Reply to  kira

Very well described! I feel the same panic thoughts when someone gets to close. I have a history of friendzoning guys.

I always like them in the beginning but then (when they get to close) i get scared and lose interest.

Before I thought I lost interest because I was all about the chase but now after reading this article I know its a common problem. Or at least that I’m not the only one to feel this way! Thanks

Reply to  kira

I read your post and I think you’re story is great. I am very similar with men. It’s hard for me to be comfortable letting men into my personal physical bubble. Being open is difficult for me anyways because of what I went through growing up. I’ve never dated or had any kind of relationship before because of this. I know I grew up with a fear of men, being used, that they would hurt me and just take whatever they wanted. So I learned to stay closed off. Even making eye contact is a big step with me. Thankfully… Read more »


After reading this article, I hear what is telling us to do as women. But, I think I open up too fast to a man, and give way too much. In giving too much, they retreat and ultimately leave. So, my question is how do you remain open without giving too much?

Reply to  Laura

Maybe they are not worthy of you. And need to leave your life. You are a woman, and your openness is worth a lot to the strong masculine man who can take it. Don’t stop being yourself. Years ago, I was on a dating site and my first date with a man was to go to see the movie Soul Surfer, I cried so much and spilled my drink and there was popcorn all over the place. That poor girl in the movie, I was so upset. I thought the man would run for his life. Not so, after the… Read more »


Just be open. That’s all I can say. I mean I have had my trust broken many times, and my thoughts are not right. I don’t trust and its no ones job to help me with that. Just believe even in a higher power than yourself. Go for the gold, even if it pains you, test your thoughts and see if they are right.

The girl in the picture has it right. I picture her scared all the while too. It helps. 🙂


Could somebody tell me, if open up means to tell a man what you feel about him? I think I messed up with my man I geniunly liked, I told him how I felt and he reciprocated in a very masculine way. But than, he began acting distant, didn’t answer my texts abd calls, and when eventually had very intimate talk, I told him that I don’t trust him so much yet. After this he got more distant and then broke up with me and blocked my number. He said he is sorry, it;s not my fault and then he… Read more »

Reply to  tower

I wouldn’t. If he feels unworthy of you he may think you are low value if you chase him.

But it all depends on the context.

You definitely should be dating again after three months. If nothing else then to put that ex in perspective don’t build him a pedestal.


Hey Renee, I really appreciate this article. I have been with a man for 2 years now and I still can no open up entirely. I have really pushed myself and I have been open at times. The problem is that when I am open, sometimes it feels insanely painful because I do not actually feel loved. My boyfriend had a really rough upbringing and his family does not express love much at all. I have had a hard time trusting him the entire way through. He is a good guy but he is inconsistent. I just feel like I… Read more »


Renee, I stumbled across your website while searching for ‘being mysterious’ lol. Much to my delight, you have so many more articles on here!!! I have literally spent my weekend just pouring over all of this. Its simply amazing stuff here. I just wanted you to know the impact that your work has. I am blessed to have an incredible man, and I always want to treat him the way he deserves. Being open is my hardest challenge, coming from an abusive past. I feel as if your advice and well written articles have given me tools I didn’t have.… Read more »


I have been with my husband for 7 years, we we’re married last year. I know I have found someone that I trust, and who deserves to be loved by me. My childhood was rough, my father was an alcoholic and at the best times nasty and mean. I feel guilty for holding my husband hostage in our relationship. I know he is perfect for me, but I can’t open my heart and soul to him. If there was a button I could push to change my heart and open the gates- I would do it in a second. I’ve… Read more »

Anna C
Anna C
Reply to  jacoby

Hi Jacoby, I feel that the more you pressure yourself to open up, the more difficult it will be for you. I know it might seem scary that your husband has separated from you, but it could be a good thing! First I would Lay down the ground rules with him about what the separation means and what it does not. Then, with his blessing, and after acknowledging that you love him & his time is spent for self discovery you can go on your path. And from here, I would start by going to whatever interests you, and exploring.… Read more »


Hi, A response from a man here. I’ll try not to make it too long. Married 13 years. Amazing connection, love and wonderfully connected sex for the first 9-10 years but I was the typical clueless man. I took my amazing wife for granted, she fell in love with someone else several years ago and we have been in trouble ever since. About 2 years ago I devoted myself to finding out why this happened and it has been a life changing experience. I am now the man, husband and father I always dreamed I would be but I also… Read more »

Reply to  Dusty

Hi Dusty, I read your post and it compelled me to respond because I feel you. Right now I’m on the other side – I can possibly feel how your wife feels. Maybe it would help to see it pour out from an open woman on her side. My man has started a new business, and is constantly starting businesses, and although I love that, I feel he takes me for granted so many times while he works on his business: he checks email when we see each other, which is not that often that we see each other. He… Read more »

Reply to  Anna

Hello Anna, Thank you so much for your kind reply. Though I take 100% responsibility for how my behavior led to the pain, hurt and destruction of our relationship, I also know I wasn’t alone. My wife has exhibited many of the little girl behaviors described in another of Renee’s excellent posts. I only say that because it seems to me as if your man has not seen any issues on his side whereas I have dedicated almost all my free time over the past 2.5 years to learning about what I did, I belong to a support group for… Read more »

Reply to  Dusty

Some quotes that I think sum up your situation are:
“A successful marriage requires that you fall in love many times… with the same person.” So, believe that she can fall in love with you again.
“A relationship lasts because there is always at least one person fighting for it. If no one fights, it quietly dies.” Or something like that.

Reply to  Anna

Hi Again, I agree with your first quote. In fact, I believe and communicate that love is a verb. That we have to do love, not to feel love from the other person, but to feel love FOR the other person. David Deida describes this beautifully. We have spoken about this but she simply does not feel that she will ever have the attraction for me to be intimate. She told me a little while ago about feeling like a sibling towards me. I told her that attraction can come and go in a relationship but that if you refused… Read more »

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