Article updated 2018

In the modern Western world, we have mistaken feminine as referring to the external appearance of a woman. Yes, this is important for achieving femininity and being more feminine, but this is all worth nothing if a woman is empty on the inside. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

Femininity is created from the inside out, and for a woman to be more feminine, she must prioritize and work on what goes on internally. Some of the most feminine women in the world have no money for clothing, shoes, the latest LV bag, the latest chanel sunglasses….and yet they are feminine. In fact, they are often more feminine than the women who can afford to dress themselves ‘prettily’. Let’s not forget also, that dressing ourselves has now become mistaken for ‘undressing ourselves’.

First, try to relinquish your rules

Rules are useful when they are useful. Yet, femininity and feminine energy is often squashed by rules. And that’s troublesome because most of us live in a society full of unspoken rules. I have said before, in my post “what Is Femininity – Part 2”, that femininity is not so much about following a set of rules, because rules = rigid and there’s nothing rigid about femininity.

To start with, femininity must occur from within. All smart men will never be fooled by a fake feminine woman. If you want a good, truly masculine man to see you as his one and only….if you want a dominant, masculine man to love you, protect you, adore you, take care of you and worship you for life, you must have the feminine qualities to attract that kind of man.

A lot of people say that the ultimate feminine quality is receptivity or “leaning back”. See my article here on The 9 Dangers of Leaning Back & Why it’s Not Feminine. Well, receptivity is a part of it. But that only scrapes the surface. Femininity or feminine energy really is about removing your “facade” – the surface, masculine masks that you’ve put up to try to be worthy, and then surrendering to all of life. That can be hard to do, but when you can start to do that, you’ll create the momentum needed to become more and more feminine over time.

This doesn’t mean you should give up your masculine qualities. Please don’t. We all have masculine and feminine energy in us (men and women), and your masculine qualities are equally as beautiful and useful as your feminine qualities – it’s just that a lot of us women have become extremely masculine because of our work and our habits. What we do most of the time shows in our body and if we do a lot of so called masculine tasks and things, then it makes our bodies masculine.

The truth is, dominant and successful men are attracted to a feminine woman. Yet not every man wants a feminine woman, and not every man finds a feminine woman attractive. Try to remember that. The type of men to find a very feminine woman attractive are the men who are very centred in their masculine “core”, which means that they are unafraid to be themselves, and that their natural dominant energy and their natural sense of autonomy and direction gifted to them at birth or as a little boy, has not been totally quashed by society (or if it has, he has learned how to get back to his core)

What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…

Femininity and Freedom

To get in touch with your femininity, or to become more womanly, you must start by becoming free. That is – mentally free and spiritually free. Of course, you will need to look feminine and gorgeous on the outside too, but it must start from within before the outer appearance will serve you in any long-term way.

A truly feminine woman is not trapped in her head. She is free. Now, this doesn’t mean that if you are trapped in your thoughts that you are doing the wrong thing, because you aren’t. What being “trapped in your head” really means is that you’re not feeling. and feeling is the essence of femininity, because to feel, you need to be surrendered, and more in your body than in your head.

What I also mean by this is that to be feminine, we cannot be trapped in limiting beliefs that lead us to become disconnected from the spontaneous flow of life and instead adopt a pattern of behaving aggressively or even adopting a pattern of being indifferent. Indifference is one of the attitudes you don’t want to have if you want to be more feminine. Women are nurturers. Truly beautiful, feminine women take care of things that (they care for – not just anything, you don’t want to take care of everything just for the sake of it).

In fact, they care about everything. Sometimes, patterns of acting aggressive or indifferent are a product of experiencing pain and believing we aren’t worthy of being seen. Sure, we’ve all had enormous pain. But it doesn’t mean that a woman has to become ‘broken’ and feel like she has no way out other than to wallow in victimhood.

Here’s what’s interesting. A feminine woman, if she shows up as a man’s One and Only” instead of “one of many”, truly gives a masculine man reason to live, to work, to provide, and to conquer. Because her energy and aliveness (connection with all of life….her surrender to pain and pleasure) gives him something he can NEVER experience fully for himself as a man.

So, see your feminine energy or your femininity as a gift to a good man.

So you must start with your habits, thought patterns and free yourself so that you can be more in your true feminine core. If you know you have a tendency to become defensive and aggressive and to reject your nurturing nature, know that that is not really you. Those patterns of behaving don’t really belong to you. They’re just a coping mechanism.

Click here to take the quiz “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”

Vulnerability

In order to be more feminine, a woman must allow herself to be vulnerable. If you’re not vulnerable, you don’t need a man. That’s just how it is perceived by men. Men will respond to you and be there for you if they feel your need for it. It’s that simple. If there’s no vulnerability, there is no need for him, and if there’s no need for him, then he will be more likely to subconsciously put you in the category of “one of many” and pump and dump.

In fact, if you can kill all of your own snakes, that’s great….but if you kill each and every snake for yourself time after time, then…then what is the purpose of a man in your life? It’s important to be aware that if a man is masculine at his core, then it’s important that he does feel needed to an extent. (just like you like to feel needed by a man, but in different ways).

The freedom of a feminine woman is in her ability to be spontaneous and to go by feeling. This is the opposite to being indifferent. A feminine woman isn’t always about what’s ‘realistic’, she’s more able to feel and she empathises with humans and all living things.

Some strategies to get to feeling feminine:

– Use music. Music is one of the best ways for changing your state and influencing your mood. Listen to music that makes you feel grateful, soft, peaceful, happy, serene, joyful and free. And also listen to music that makes you cry or rage. You would ideally be just as able to connect to pain as you can connect to pleasure. Why? Well, because if you’re feminine in an “advanced” way, then your body becomes more and more open over time, and as it become more open over time, it becomes incredibly sensitive to pain and pleasure. So, use music. You can even dance to it in your own home, in any way that feel right to your body in the moment. (read my article about music to inspire femininity)

– Accentuate the attributes you have that are the opposite of a man’s. This doesn’t simply mean wearing a dress over pants. It’s in the way you sit, the way you talk, the words you use, how you use your hands, how you smile, how you touch others, how you greet people (words and the physical aspects). A lot of women stand and walk like men, drink like a man would, unknowingly. They stand with their hands on their hips the way a man would do it, and sway their arms and legs in the way that a strong and powerful man would do, and it is fine to do so, if you want to. Just try to remember that it doesn’t create a feeling of deep attraction in your life – you are robbing yourself of that feeling of aliveness that comes with feeling attraction with men, if you show up like a man or have “man energy” as a way of protecting yourself.

An important thing to remember is to use less the words men use – especially the words they use to address their guys friends. It’s still OK to use them, as long as it’s not executed in a masculine way. Saying ‘Hey mate’, ‘thanks mate’, ‘Hi buddy’, all denote that you’re relating to a man as another man would. (read my article about surrendering to masculine energy)

– It’s great to dress fashionable, but be aware that dressing for women is a totally different thing to dressing for men. (read my article about dressing feminine in the workplace)

– Get out of the mindset that you should not do anything for ‘a man’. A lot of women say it’s ok to go out of their way for girlfriends etc, but that it’s not OK to serve a man. A man wants to know that you care to connect with him and give to him! To get out of this mindset, start thinking less of yourself, and what you’re getting, and start working on understanding a man. Selflessness is definitely a thing you want to be able to access when you need to. Why? Because when you give from your heart, you’ll come across as more loving and emotionally resourceful. This emotional resourcefulness is a sign of high value. When you give from the heart, and not from fear or trying to get a man’s approval, you’ll naturally show up more true to yourself and your natural unique feminine energy will come through.

Surrender to emotional intimacy

– Find ways to enjoy true intimacy if you have trouble with letting go. Intimacy is scary, but it is only through intimacy that you can pop the lid off your layers of tension and then access who you truly are. When you continually access who your truly are (through sex or emotional intimacy), you’re naturally more feminine ()if you are feminine in your core, because when you are “who you are”, you’re more surrendered. And that is surrendered to your feelings, to your body, and to life and to relationships. I’m not encouraging you to be promiscuous, but a lot of women unfortunately have problems letting go and truly connecting, and also a lot of women struggle to free themselves to surrender to their pain and pleasure during sex, or they have sex for the wrong reasons. See my article on The Secret Cost for Women when they Have Casual Sex.

Smile openly when you truly feel like it

– Men go crazy over a woman who can give them a genuine smile. It doesn’t matter what her physical attributes are, if you give a man a genuine, happy smile and look him in the eye – he’s going to be profoundly affected, because he will feel accepted. What all men love to feel. Ask any man who is in touch with his masculinity whether a smile is extremely important in a woman and he’ll say yes.

See, as crazy as this sounds, masculine energy knows more about death, whereas feminine energy knows more about life, opening to love and giving love. The reason masculine energy is more about death is because men focus on getting things done, conquering, putting an end to things, and letting go, and moving on to the next challenge. Think of really masculine activities like extreme rock climbing where if you make the slightest wrong move, you’re dead. So the masculine world can be quite devoid of the spontaneous flow of life.

This is partially why smiling works so well. It is a nice change from the way things operate in the man’s world (if he is quite masculine and engages in a lot of masculine activities). Smiling and happiness represents life, love, opportunity and openness. Men love a woman who can be open to him. This is one reason why they love sex so much. The woman has to be open and vulnerable to him in order to be present with him during sex.

Disclaimer: Don’t smile for the sake of it. And don’t smile at men indiscriminately. Smiling is such a powerful tool that if you use it wrongly, it could backfire on you and threaten your safety. So, what you really want to be able to do is to remove your resistance to, and fear of your genuine self expression. What does that mean? It means that really, some women really fear letting themselves be seen, and yes, they sometimes fear being seen smiling, as they’ve learnt to not let people in. So this is really about un-conditioning old habits of closing off and removing your fears surrounding smiling. It is about removing your fears and resistance to expressing true joy, perhaps because you thought you had to dull yourself in order to be accepted by society.

– Appreciate men for being men. Always show appreciation for a masculine man when he deserves it, or when you truly feel it. Try to not be stingy with your appreciation, as I know it can be easy to be stingy with it when your man is not showing up and doing the things you wish he would do. The more you can appreciate him genuinely, the more he will trust you and the more he trust you, the more he will connect deeper to you. (read my article about why every woman should look up to her man?)

A final message…

Whatever strategies you want to use, remember that if it’s all too overwhelming, just start with freeing yourself and letting yourself truly FEEL. If there’s one tip I have today to become more feminine, it is simply to feel. Just FEEL.

Begin valuing your feelings and valuing who you are. Because if you cannot feel….all the pain, hurt, anger, ecstasy that has been pent up or held in for the sake of being accepted in our society, then you can never be free to be fully feminine.

I hope that you enjoyed this article and that you found it useful. If you have anything to say, please leave me a comment. You can even leave a comment if you hated it. Have a lovely day/night! 🙂

By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. 

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Deitra WarnerVal SalbaheTheLittleHolyInfantJesusBlesseQudsia MallSuper Janice Recent comment authors
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Deitra Warner
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Deitra Warner

This is an excellent article! Thank you, thank you thank you! I started reading your articles several years ago after I noticed that I was feeling dead inside and didn’t understand why. I don’t know how I found you on the web, but I thank God I did. You’ve helped me to recapture and reclaim my God-given right to live in the feminine energy that I was created to live in and I’m truly grateful. Wonderful articles – wonderful writing!

Qudsia Mall
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Qudsia Mall

in my humble opinion you can be any type of woman and still be earthly grounded in femininity, look at Anjelica Huston or the others who played Morticia Addams in The Addams Family. Shes goth, alternative, yet very desirable, sexy and charming and exudes femininity right down to her red nails, her husband is ever devoted to her and masculine and seeks nothing other than to make her happy. He never seems to ever get tired of her!!!

StarsCollide
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StarsCollide

Beautiful!

phoenix
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phoenix

Thank you soo much Renee. Ever since I discovered your website and started reading your articles, My life has improved greatly.

Am learning and practicing how to be feminine. I notice the way people respond to me is soo much better. Both males and females.

Am hoping to meet a High Status High quality Man this year, so I’ll keep working on improving myself to be high quality too.

I appreciate your work. You have been a Blessing to me

Lots of love from Nigeria
Phoenix

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
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Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

“A man wants to know that you care to please him!”

How do you square that comment with your article Pleaser Women always Lose Out? I thought we weren’t supposed to be pleasers?? Which is it?

Renee Wade
Guest

Lol, Tanya, I appreciate your question…the contradiction you see is actually non existent – even though you see it.

What this means here, ‘care to please him’ is in the context of a relationship – where it IS important to show that you do care, and you’re willing to consider the other person’s needs. This is genuine care.

Please is an entirely different thing – it is often absent, uncaring, done for the sake of the pleaser keeping a certain identity about themselves, even if inside they are ignoring all their natural instincts, desires and wants. It’s fraudulent.

Roshni Rebecca
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Roshni Rebecca

Thank you so much for your light to share your knowledge and understanding. It has brought so much healing to me at this point in time 🙂 big love xo

Sara Lee
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Sara Lee

I don’t particularly feel attractive enough to wear dresses or “feminine” clothes, never really have. I also have a physical illness I’ve had since a kid that I don’t think does much for confidence. I feel silly/fake when I try and be more feminine. Do you think I sound transgended or something? At the start of the year I also lost a man I really felt I loved, first ever actual ‘true’ love, not trivial or “puppy love”. I feel like I’ll always miss him, even now, and I feel no other man would be as good as he was.… Read more »

Joan
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Joan

It’s tough to be feminine in this day and age. I admit I do feel silly at times, but I read this article again and the comments and it brings me back to my true feminine self. My man seems to envy the husbands with the non-feminine women, but I have to wonder if that is just my imagination. Or if he does envy them, then it is not my job to try to change the way I am, because we must not ever lower our value. Femininity is our gift to the world and to ourselves. So with that… Read more »

Lynn
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Lynn

I have had a rough childhood and because of this when it comes to men I cannot let my gaurd down and I have been told numerouse of times by Woman that I’m too aggressive. I don’t even know that I’m doing it and I want to stop, can you please give me some advice on how to be less argumentative and pouncy and just be a woman.

Anais
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Anais

“I’m not here to give you rules about when you choose to sleep with a man, because regardless of how quickly you sleep with a man, if you think men lose respect for you if you sleep with them very quickly, this is true – to an extent. It’s more about who you are. If you respect yourself, and live as an authentic, genuine, giving and confident woman, the time it takes you to sleep with a man can sometimes become irrelevant.” Yeah from what I’ve observed, a lot of men who judge a woman on how soon she sleeps… Read more »

Holly
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Holly

Whilst reading this I felt very sad and cried lot’s. The problem is I feel an empty void with echoing words of, your nothing. That’s exactly how I feel inside, a nothing feeling, since my whole life I’ve people pleased and accommodated to other people’s needs above my own. How could I possibly feel like an authentic, individual since I never spent the time getting to know myself as a person, but instead changed my opinions and points of veiw without even listening to what others were saying, but instead detected controversy undertones in communication so agreed with what others… Read more »

Super Janice
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Super Janice

Glad that you realize that you are a feminine woman.

maureen kesande
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maureen kesande

thank you for that a sweet lesson i learnt alot and ready to change alot

WK
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WK

‘If you work out, work on accentuating and improving every feminine aspect of your body. This includes the buttocks, the legs, the tummy and the breasts (weights to help the breasts defy gravity). Doing lots of heavy weights will make you butch’ – They do NOT make you look butch as we have naturally less testosterone and it’s a lot more difficult for us to gain as much mass as a man. I’m lifting heavy weights and this may look ‘masculine’ but it’s only to grow in areas such as butt and thighs, so have ‘feminine’ outcomes in mind –… Read more »

Renee Wade
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Renee Wade

Hi WK – you are right, and this piece of advice is outdated 🙂

laura
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laura

hey renee! just wanted to say I love your site. I’m almost done reading all of your blogs before i move on to the other tabs at the top of the page. Can’t wait to read everything you have. It’s helped me SO much and made my life a lot happier! 😀 😀 im a personal trainer and I actually do non-competitive olympic weightlifting and powerlifting, too. I noticed you mentioned that heavy weights will make you butch, and to use light weights and do high reps to get toned. I just wanted to say, for corrections sake, that this… Read more »

Chan
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Chan

Hello, and I just want to saw that reading your website has really changed how I view men, relationships and me. I could go on and on about my childhood but I don’t want to be a victim anymore, and I realize that I am feminine. Almost everyday for the past 19 years of my life, I’ve been trying to act masculine and hide the fact that I actually cry when I watch something sad on TV and that I’ve always wanted to find a “Prince Charming”. I’ve just always thought that femininity was for the “prettier” and “skinny” girls,… Read more »

Renee Wade
Guest
Renee Wade

Hey Chan, you’re right, 19 is as good as any age. I used to think the same; that femininity was for skinny and pretty girls – wrong, ESPECIALLY in the eyes of a man!

Super Janice
Guest
Super Janice

Good! I never want to find my Prince Charming after my 17th birthday but I understand that it’s OK for you to find a Prince Charming. I only cry when I fail getting what I want!

Adele
Guest
Adele

Im trying to embrace my inner femininity. I was raised to value education and career over love, marriage or spirituality. I am learning a lot on this topic lately but I feel discouraged because I keep dwelling on my mistakes. I have a masculine man in my life, but I wonder what he thinks of me. He says he loves me, but I wonder if he is just saying that. Because I feel bad about having had so many failed relationships before him. The only thing I can say is that I’m authentic. I always try to be myself.

TheLittleHolyInfantJesusBlesse
Guest
TheLittleHolyInfantJesusBlesse

Unfortunately, everyone is being raised like that. Americans are being raised to value education(which is treated like a religion) and careers over love, marriage, religion, and spirituality. God is Love Incarnate and we all need love: to love and be loved, to love God, our neighbor, and ourselves for the love of God. I am so sorry that you were raised that way. I hope things are going well for you. Keep being yourself and embrace your femininity.

arty
Guest
arty

i’m worth it n lovd it as well

christiane
Guest
christiane

interesting article and interesting – still few- comments. I like the straight honesty of the metallica women. And her name represents what she thinks, feels. I honour every human. We all go through painful experiences in life and we respond to them in different ways. Vulnerability is not weakness, dont confuse these two words. In the contrary, only a strong person can be vulnerable as it means risking a lot. The more hard a woman or a human becomes, the more past pain is involved. I have most respect for those who can still love life after intense pain. Real… Read more »

MissMetallica
Guest
MissMetallica

WTF??this is called being weak,not feminime,why shouldn’t i tell a man he’s wrong?i don’t give a fuck,he messes with me,i give him hell,no one treats me badly,i don’t take fucking shit from no one,i’m not gonna act dependable & vulnrable to attract a man,i care too much about my ego,it’s much more important than making a man look “manly”,i’m not some stupid cunt who thinks i live to please my husband,i’ll do what makes me happy,not act weak & delicate so a man will like me,if he doesn’t,so be it,i can find a REAL man who’ll admire me for being… Read more »

brandy
Guest
brandy

yuck, good luck finding a quality man with that potty mouth and disgusting selfish attitude! Why are you looking up relationship advice if you don’t need a man to be happy?

MissMetallica
Guest
MissMetallica

because being feminine ain’t out about gettin a man sweetheart fyi,women act feminine because they were born with a vagina,not to attract a man,we’re in the 21st century,not the stone age.& if a man can swear,i can swear like a fucking god damn sailor all i want.i’m not being selfish,i’m being a strong woman,& i have the balls to prove to a man that i can be better than him & there’s no way he can mess with my ego or make me swallow my pride,it doesn’t make me mean,but i’m not lowering myself or acting ditzy & submissive to… Read more »

Jo
Guest
Jo

God, why do you come on this site anyway? Suck on your imaginary balls? Utterly bizarre!

um
Guest
um

Have fun being an abusive, dominant, manly, disgusting woman then lmao you’re jealous of smart, soft, intelligent,feminine, submissive women 🙂

Sandra
Guest

Thank you Brandy for your comment. I feel a man needs to feel important to the lady he is interested in. Miss Metallica needs a lot to training to learn to be a lady. I feel the attitude you put out is the attitude you will get in return. If you cuss, swear and drink like one of the boys, you are going to be treated and looked at as one. A man likes to feel he is needed by the woman he is interested in. She needs to be a bit vulnerable also. I was taught that you get… Read more »

Cuppscake
Guest
Cuppscake

This site is about telling your man where he crossed the line but in a way you would get good results and a kiss on top, Skip the headache and the screaming and yelling, it wont workk and you ll end up with a bad throat. 😛

Denise
Guest
Denise

lol, calm down Miss Metal. No one likes an angry woman.

Genevieve
Guest
Genevieve

It isnt about being “delicate”. For a man yes it helps to promote his manly ego of letting him open jars and reach high things on shelves for you now and then. But you dont have to go full on “im so weak i cant do anything for myself”. In the end most men will find women who act like they cannot do anything for themselves unattractive and off putting not all men no but alot. There must be a happy medium for delicate behavior. As common courtesy it is nicer to not swear like a sailor and be kind… Read more »

Crystal
Guest
Crystal

Because you want admiration too, and the best way to get what you want is to help others get what THEY want. You want a man who’s willing to handle your outbursts even though you’re not willing to handle HIM for acting in certain ways. This isn’t about “pleasing” anyone when you’re disappointed by the way no one pleases YOU. Do you want a guy who’ll admire your strength, if it means he might be more accommodating than you are, or do you want a “real man” who’ll risk calling YOU out on your behavior too? Just what is it… Read more »

Sammy
Guest

Gee MissMetallica..I all ready get the impression that you are not a feminine woman/lady and never will be. I don’t know how old you are or do I care, but you need to clean up your language.

You sound as though you are mad at the world or some guy/guys has/have done you seriously wrong. With that mouth, no wonder you have the attitude. People listen to you and you turn them OFF immediately. About your ego…way to high! No man will ever treat you with respect and that is sad…

emily taylor
Guest
emily taylor

what an enlightened person you are! well done article. i think we live in a society that focuses too much on the outside, how a person looks, to mean femininity. i’ve met some really beautiful “feminine looking” women that were some of the worst people i have ever known. a good heart goes a long way!

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