In the modern Western world, we have mistaken feminine as referring to the external appearance of a woman. Yes, this is important for achieving femininity and being more feminine, but this is all worth nothing if a woman is empty on the inside. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)
Femininity is created from the inside out, and for a woman to be more feminine, she must prioritize and work on what goes on internally. Some of the most feminine women in the world have no money for clothing, shoes, the latest LV bag, the latest sunglasses….and yet they are feminine. In fact, they are often more feminine than the women who can afford to dress themselves ‘prettily’. Let’s not forget also, that dressing ourselves has now become mistaken for ‘undressing ourselves’.
I have said before, in my post “what Is Femininity – Part 2”, that femininity is not so much about following a set of rules, because rules = rigid and there’s nothing rigid about femininity. To start with, femininity must occur from within. All smart, good men will never, ever, ever be fooled by a fake feminine woman. If you want a good, truly masculine man to love you, protect you, adore you, take care of you and worship you for life, you must have the feminine qualities to attract that kind of man.
The truth is, men want a feminine woman. The good men are also not fooled by trashy looking, egocentric and insecure women who will give their bodies and feminine souls entirely, all for the sake of feeling like they are enough, or worthy, for a night.
I’m not here to give you rules about when you choose to sleep with a man, because regardless of how quickly you sleep with a man, if you think men lose respect for you if you sleep with them very quickly, this is true – to an extent. It’s more about who you are. If you respect yourself, and live as an authentic, genuine, giving and confident woman, the time it takes you to sleep with a man can sometimes become irrelevant.
Femininity and Freedom
Anyway. you’re here to learn about how to be feminine, so I’ll answer that question for you. To get in touch with your femininity, or to become more womanly, you must start by becoming free. That is – mentally free and spiritually free. Of course, you will need to look feminine and gorgeous on the outside too, but it must start from within before the outer appearance will serve you in any way.
A truly feminine woman is not trapped in her head. She is free. What I mean by this is that she is not trapped in limiting beliefs that lead her to become nasty, judgmental, snide, bitchy, arrogant, aggressive and indifferent. Indifference is one of the worst attitudes for a woman to have. Women are nurturers. Truly beautiful, feminine women take care of things.
In fact, they care about everything. More often than not, these attitudes are a product of experiencing pain. Sure, we’ve all had enormous pain. But it doesn’t mean that a woman has to become ‘broken’ and feel like she’s been ‘hard done by’. A feminine woman is meant to give a masculine man reason to live, to work, to provide, to conquer.
So you must start with your habits, thought patterns and free yourself so that you can be more in your true feminine core. If you know you have a tendency to exhibit the negative personality traits I’ve listed above, know that that is not really you. Those traits don’t really belong to you. They’re just a coping mechanism.
In order to be more feminine, a woman must allow herself to be vulnerable. If you’re not vulnerable, you don’t need a man. In fact, if you can kill your own snakes, then what is the purpose of a man in your life? It’s important to be aware that if a man is masculine at his core, then it’s important that he does feel needed to an extent. A woman can hold her own and make her own money – being feminine is just more about respecting his role and allowing him to do certain things for you.
The freedom of a feminine woman is in her ability to be spontaneous and to go by feeling. This is the opposite to being indifferent. A feminine woman isn’t always about what’s ‘realistic’, she’s more able to feel and she empathizes with humans and all living things. The worst thing is when a woman puts her sisters down. This happens all the time. Truly feminine women have a feisty side to them as well, but in being nasty to her sisters and not wanting the best for them, she is trying to take away rather than give, and feminine women are about giving (among other things).
Some strategies to get to feeling feminine:
– Use music. Music is one of the best ways for changing your state and influencing your mood. Listen to music that makes you feel grateful, soft, peaceful, happy, serene, joyful and free. You can even dance to it in your own home. (read my article about music to inspire femininity)
– Accentuate the attributes you have that are the opposite of a man’s. This doesn’t simply mean wearing a dress over pants. It’s in the way you sit, the way you talk, the words you use, how you use your hands, how you smile, how you touch others, how you greet people (words and the physical aspects). A lot of women stand and walk like men, drink like a man would, unknowingly. They stand with their hands on their hips the way a man would do it, and sway their arms and legs in the way that a strong and powerful man would do. An important thing to remember is to use less the words men use – especially the words they use to address their guys friends. It’s still OK to use them, as long as it’s not executed in a masculine way. Saying ‘Hey mate’, ‘thanks mate’, ‘Hi buddy’, all denote that you’re relating to a man as another man would. (read my article about surrendering to masculine energy)
– Feminine women are delicate. Any jewelry that is overly harsh starts to take away from the woman and draw attention to fashion. Not to mention it just makes you look like a fashion victim.
– It’s great to dress fashionable, but be aware that dressing for women is a totally different thing to dressing for men. (read my article about dressing feminine in the workplace)
– Get out of the mindset that you should not do anything for ‘a man’. A lot of women say it’s ok to go out of their way for girlfriends etc, but that it’s not ok to serve a man. A man wants to know that you care to please him! To get out of this mindset, start thinking less of yourself, and what you’re getting, and start working on understanding a man. Selflessness is definitely a thing you want to possess if you want to be more feminine.
– Find ways to enjoy sex if you have trouble with intimacy. I’m not encouraging you to be promiscuous, but a lot of women unfortunately have problems letting go during sex, or they have sex for the wrong reasons. Men like it if a woman is free and able to enjoy herself.
– Men go crazy over a woman who can give them a genuine smile. It doesn’t matter what her physical attributes are, if you give a man a genuine, happy smile and look him in the eye – he’s going to be profoundly affected. Ask any man who is in touch with his masculinity whether a smile is extremely important in a woman and he’ll say yes. See, as crazy as this sounds, masculine energy knows more about death, whereas feminine energy knows more about life, opening to love and giving love. The reason masculine energy is more about death is because men focus on getting things done, conquering, putting an end to things, and letting go, and moving on to the next challenge. Masculinity responds to challenge and feminine energy responds to praise. This is partially why smiling works so well. It is a nice change from the way things operate in the man’s world. Smiling and happiness represents life, love, opportunity and openness. Men love a woman who can be open to him. This is one reason why they love sex so much. The woman has to be open and vulnerable to him in order to be present with him during sex.
– Seek to understand rather than complain, bitch, moan, criticize and blame. Blame takes the power away from yourself. Not only this, but men hate to be blamed because they hate to be wrong. Never directly tell a man he is wrong!!!
– Appreciate men for being men. Always show appreciation for a masculine man. (read my article about why every woman should look up to her man?)
– Stop with ‘me’ and start with ‘others’. You will never get more spiritual growth than by seeking to contribute and to grow. The more women think of themselves, the more rigid, tight, old and indifferent they become. The plight of others is important to a feminine woman. Think of Audrey Hepburn and her work with UNICEF as well as Angelina Jolie. No matter what your opinion on her is, what matters is that she’s contributing and caring for others.
A final message…
Whatever strategies you want to use, remember that if it’s all too overwhelming, just start with freeing yourself. Free yourself from everyone else’s limiting beliefs. Go to your heart rather than your head. Your heart has the answers more often than not, as cheesy as that sounds. If you’re in your head, you’ll always go around in circles. Lots of things can be solved simply by going in to your heart. Begin living life on your own terms and believing in people rather than criticizing and bitching about them (not that you do actually do that, but it’s good to be aware of it and to catch yourself if you ever do it).
I hope that you enjoyed this article and that you found it useful. If you have anything to say, please leave me a comment. You can even leave a comment if you hated it. Have a lovely day/night! 🙂
Also, I’m so excited to let you know that we’ve already launched our Commitment Control 2.0. Click here to register and watch the Commitment Masterclass, which is an introduction to this program.