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Article updated 2018

Women aren’t supposed to make sense.

To men.

We can make a lot of sense to each other (women to women); and that’s important for connecting with girlfriends.

But the problem is that we deny ourselves the deliciousness that is living in our own true nature – the sensuality, the sexuality, the attractiveness that is truly US, when we decide that we should actually make sense to men, and mean everything we say and know what we’re talking about.

(Click here to take the quiz “How Naturally Feminine Am I on Facebook?”)

(A small aside: if you told a man who is masculine that he “doesn’t know what he’s talking about”, I’m guessing he would be offended. Anyone in the masculine energy, even a woman, would be offended by such a remark).

The funny thing is, even when we TRY to know what we’re talking about, we often don’t make sense to the men in our lives. Because we mostly talk from an emotion and we talk based on how we feel in the moment. That moment can pass very quickly.

My husband likes to look at me in confusion when I run upstairs to tell him something, and mid sentence, I make a remark about how beautiful and green and lush the trees across the road are right now.

Feminine energy changes often.

There are plenty of women (including myself) who feel scared to be changeable as much as we truly are. Because hey, it’s NOT honoured in our modern society.

In today’s world, you get ridiculed – especially by women, if you change a lot.

News: we are supposed to change. It’s ok to change. It’s ok to not know what you’re talking about and find that part of yourself amusing. Have the courage to find it amusing.

(Click here to discover the 17 Attraction Triggers that naturally attracts a masculine man)

This is what happens when WOMEN talk…

When we women talk it could be from any random emotion from any time in our lives. We can bring things up from the past, from decades ago, and a man has totally forgotten it but WE haven’t, because we attached an emotion to that memory.

Unlike us, men have a tendency (again, have a tendency) to speak from a perspective of detached observation. They tend to say what they SEE. With their eyes, in the present. (see my post on understanding men)

This is why they sometimes hurt the women around them by saying things that are totally detached, VISION based, or OBSERVATION driven.

They’ll say things like…

“I don’t care.”

“Your face looks fatter.” (My Dad said this. Thanks, Dad. Great thing to say to a woman who is 3 months post pregnancy)

“You should not eat that. It will make you fat.”

…..And when they say these things, they simply mean what they say.

They don’t secretly mean “I don’t care. Stop talking about it. I feel passive aggressive when you talk about it. In fact, I feel ALL sorts of things when you talk about it.”

It’s just that. They don’t care. End of the story.

But if we say she has an ugly such and such..we are being judgemental, most of the time  because we feel some kind of aversion to that woman, or some sort of distrust or bad association with her.

As I understand it, men mostly don’t mean anything else. Only exactly what they reported with their words. This doesn’t mean they don’t also communicate from emotion sometimes. They do for sure. But the emotions they actually FEEL are different to what WE would feel saying the EXACT same thing.

And usually, if a woman starts talking to a man because she feels a certain way about something, it’s kind of like talking apples and oranges. This is why talking to a man can be hurtful – their responses suit what THEY would want as a man, not what a woman would want. (This is also why men get hot and cold)

Men just report things as they are. I love them for that.

Women…we talk and share based on what we feel. (We talk to bond, whereas if we need to get the job done, we can talk for the purpose of getting the job done, but that’s not necessarily where we live most of the time).

(What is the ONE thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! Click here to find out right now…)

You must be at Peace with your Changeability

And what I believe is this:

YOU should be totally at peace with the fact that you don’t mean everything you say. You should be open about it, and you need to trust it. You should be ok making little to no sense to men.

And in actually being ok with it; that involves:

– Laughing at yourself when you find yourself talking in circles to a man and he looks agitated or confused.

– Telling a man this: “I’m going to tell you how I feel right now. It’s going to make little sense to you. There’s no problem to solve. BUT it would make me ecstatically happy if you could just hear me; feel ME, and do only that.”

– Not letting men bully you in to talking for a point, or reason. They don’t understand you, yet. And you need to tell them as directly as you can, that you are a woman and you are different. And it makes you happy to talk about anything and everything without those things having any point AT ALL.

If he gets annoyed – that’s totally fine, I mean YOU get annoyed with the fact that your man doesn’t like to talk as much. Men and women get annoyed at each other. But that’s ok…because without the differences we wouldn’t have Attraction. And without Attraction, we wouldn’t feel alive.

I have a friend whom I love to death. She is the perfect example of a very feminine woman who has attracted a very masculine man. I was with her recently. In the past she had said it was great that her boyfriend stayed home 2 days a week and she LOVES him staying home, BECAUSE he helps her around the home (vacuuming and dish washing).

When I asked her about the exact same thing weeks later she said: “I hate him staying at home. He does nothing.”

I cocked my head and my mind. “Huh?” I thought.

“But I thought you said…..”

Then I stopped myself.

Irrelevant. Totally irrelevant.

She feels differently today than she did a few weeks ago about the exact SAME issue.

And that is the essence of her communication.

And I should understand that if I choose to go home and think to myself: “she’s not loyal. She’s not honest. She can’t make up her mind.” then I am actively saying that it’s not ok for her OR me, to be a woman. It’s not ok for her to be on a cycle and sensitive to the natural changing energy of the moment or day.

I’d be actively saying: women have to be constant. We have to be level-headed. It’s not ok to be crazy.

I don’t want to do that! It’s helping no one. We are not really crazy unless we are truly mentally insane. We just seem crazy to men, because we live in our bodies a lot and this causes us to be more centred in our feelings and our bodies than in objective logic.

I don’t want to stifle my friends’ nature that they were born with by trying to make them in to a MAN – like almost all of us are trying to do in today’s society; because the masculine is worshipped and the feminine energy minimized.

People are scared of the feminine energy because it’s not productive and not constant.

(Click here to register to watch the Commitment Masterclass and learn what makes a man commit to a woman)

The more we try to dull ourselves and our natural changeability, trying to be more “logical” for the sake of being worthy, and not just to serve and be more productive – the less able we are to attract a masculine man. This is because a lot of masculine men already provide themselves with all of that – the ambition, the success, the financial killings. What they need in you is what they can get through the relationship with you, the access to a deeper bond and a deeper purpose that he cannot have without you.

But what about INTEGRITY?

What about integrity, you ask?

What about a woman’s trustability, you ask?

Well.

We trust the people who are LIKE us.

We don’t trust the people who aren’t.

This is why intimate relationships between a man and a woman is so tough going.

Men think women are nuts and can’t be trusted.

Women think men are insensitive bastards who would screw every woman they see if they had the chance (which is not true unless he’s very desperate).

When it comes to your girlfriends….you can trust them if you feel in your gut that they have good intentions for you. And this trust takes time to build. You need to honour each others changeability.

When it comes to men….You can trust the men who have the same values as you, and you can trust them when you’ve earned each other’s trust over and over throughout the long-term.

That’s what I believe.

(Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?)

Of course, if you are truly willing to do this; you will become happier. Because that part of you is there for a reason. You will eventually figure out what that reason is when you allow that part of yourself to surface.

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

What are your thoughts on being changeable? Are you ok with being like that? Or do you find it difficult to allow that part of yourself to surface?

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P.S. Connect with me on social media.

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naSia Red
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naSia Red

Hey I loved this article! I actually can’t help myself from being changeable it’s like I live for change…. Change equals life and freedom for me and especially personal change. Thank you!

sugarnspicelass
Guest
sugarnspicelass

Renee thank you for this article and for all you write. For me discovering your blog a year ago was life-changing! It has helped me so much to change – that is, in getting back with my feminine core, which was there along, but had layers upon layers of masculine “shielding” inspired by society and past hurts. Your advice has helped me deconstruct these shields and get back to the naturally feminine woman I really am, and it is truly the most exhilarating thing. I will be honest, when I first found this blog, I was a little overwhelmed by… Read more »

Luke
Guest
Luke

I think Renee is just telling women to take pride in being women, being goofy or fun, really feeling energy. I don’t think she’s trying to insult anyone.

Morgan
Guest
Morgan

I don’t think Renee was trying to say that. I agree with what you said 🙂 I think Renee’s general message with all of her articles about femininity are about living in it by default and honoring it and not fearing it. But both men and women should be able to momentarily tap into their other energy, that’s an important skill. You’re right 🙂

Super Janice
Guest
Super Janice

“My husband likes to look at me in confusion when I run upstairs to tell him something, and mid sentence, I make a remark about how beautiful and green and lush the trees across the road are right now. In masculine mode, you would not notice the trees at all. And if you did, no other man in his masculine would listen to what you have to say anymore because he couldn’t trust you.”

Ms. Renee,
You are very attractive!

Janice

Jojo
Guest
Jojo

Maybe it’s the men and women I hang out with but I find it pretty similar to talk to them both. I think this article is too absolute. Most humans are a mix of straight forward conversation as well as nonlinear. This has been true for all my interactions with men and women.

Bla bla
Guest
Bla bla

You’re right, but it’s not about men and women, it’s about masculinity and femininity. Being masculine has nothing to do with being a man, but she also said that 80% of men are masculine, same goes for being feminine, she also said that 80% of women are feminine in one of her other articles.

So “men” is just a short word for masculinity while “women” is just a short word for femininity. Yes, the article sounds like it’s generalizing without context, but put the context in and it makes more sense.

James
Guest
James

Well, you’ll probably attract alpha-men but you won’t attract devoted men. Testosterone driven men will cringe at the idea of being trapped into commitments, and child-rearing. Personally, I have much more respect for anyone who is capable of engaging in rational dialogue. Also, not meaning what you say or routinely contradicting yourself with pride is downright idiotic, and is coupled with arrogance. If you’re physically attractive but you are described as the latter, then you’re a one-night stander. If you’re attractive, modest, and intelligent then you’re definitely a keeper and we’ll love and respect you very much.

Super Janice
Guest
Super Janice

I am capable in engaging in rational dialogue, That’s why I am here telling Renee that I find the “crazy” part of women acceptable and logical. Feminine people are designed to be emotional. It is logical for feminine people to be emotional and crazy and changing all the time.

Beverly
Guest
Beverly

I am a very new fan of yours and I need to say I Love your Style and Grace. You are Funny and Charming. Everything you say rings true. You give excellent advice. Keep up the good work.

Joan
Guest
Joan

Last Friday, I was in a bit of a difficult situation with my man. I’m just starting to realize now how he can talk in a detached way. I wanted to go fishing, he had a long week. While I was not bugging him about it, he kind of got the impression he was letting me down. So he got defensive. He is always on guard for being blamed and this is the tough part of our relationship. I do remain consistent with him on feedback and so I trying not to be angry and just feel sad. Yes, sad… Read more »

Super Janice
Guest
Super Janice

Good job finding this part of yourself acceptable!

Angel-Eyes
Guest
Angel-Eyes

Do you know what Renee I’m in a very strange place atm. It’s as I’ve crash landed down to earth after living on my own planet for 28 years. I’ve never felt so lost and nervous in my whole lifetime and now I’m thinking now what. But I know what’s happening… For the first time EVER, I mean EVER, I am feeling my emotions and willingly become vulnerable to what is and its so nerve wracking in a way that I never envisioned I’d get to a place like this- I never even knew it exsisted. Huh, how crazy for… Read more »

Super Janice
Guest
Super Janice

It’s good that you find out that you are feminine in your core!

Natalia
Guest
Natalia

Oh Renee, I am living proof of this. I feel soooo identified with this topic. There was this guy I’ve dated once that was studing to be a lawyer and where I live it can take you as many years as you want. (You can take one class per semester if you want). He’s half way trhough and he’s determined to finish but he’s taking his time (so far it’s been like 7 years). LOL. He’s lived he’s whole life in the same neighbourhood and he wouldn’t move away even if they payed him big money he has his old… Read more »

Holly
Guest
Holly

After reading some of these today comments, I’m thinking what’s the point! If so many people divorce then what is the point in marriage. What, do men expect me as women to be o, so grateful that they might commit?! As if a mans doing a women a favour or something. Because right now, in my mind, that sounds so s**t. I use to be the sort of person that would have given someone in need the clothes off my back, my last penny, you name it! But what I’m learning is you have to be a bitch or you’ll… Read more »

John Wilder
Guest

Holly I understand your frustration. The current divorce rate for first marriages is about 50%. The divorce rate for second marriages is about 65% and for third marriages it is about 75% The explanation for this is the kids and step kids play divide and conquer because they want their parents back together. The answer to avoid getting divorced is to provide a united front to both sets of step kids. The way to avoid divorce at all is to learn good conflict resolution skills. These don’t come naturally but have to be learned. The problem is that no one… Read more »

Renee (the Attorney, not Wade)
Guest
Renee (the Attorney, not Wade)

Hello again, Renee. You replied to one of my comments: “Hey Attorney, it is very possible to overcome this problem in your relationship. All it takes is really understanding men. Saying the things that add value to him and hit the spot. But what you seem to be doing is wonderful – give love by being love.” Thank you for the validation! I remember reading one of your articles in which you said you loved and stood by David, even while others may have been looking down at him for his inexpensive clothes and shoes. I contrasted your situation with… Read more »

Anna
Guest
Anna

Hi Rational Feminine Attorney, You asked once before how long you should wait for a man like this… my simple answer to you would be to consider the alternative: If you’d rather be without him than learn & grow & figure things out together; if you’d rather be without him than deal with the pain & lonliness (which I might add happens in every relationship sometimes, then let him go. But if you think the rewards for being with him outweigh all the costs, then I would take a break, figure things out ~rationally! and emotionally~ and come to it… Read more »

Renee (the Attorney, not Wade)
Guest
Renee (the Attorney, not Wade)

Thank you very much, Anna! Your feedback and compliment lifted my spirits. I agree with your points about not following other people’s advice about breaking up if it’s not right for you. I read and take in all different kinds of advice, but inevitably, I always listen to my heart and gut, thus never quite kicked him to the curb after three years. Renee’s advice has given me the knowledge to continue understanding and loving my man. However, truth to tell, I’m losing self-motivation and just want to stop. The joy you created with your man is inspiring! Thank you… Read more »

Rational Female Attorney
Guest
Rational Female Attorney

Hi, Renee and David. I agree with your points, but I’m confused as to why no one has raised the issue of men’s feelings changing like an ocean in a raging storm, sometimes shifting so quickly that a woman thinks she found a man who loves her, but then in the next moment, she is left standing there all alone, suddenly abandoned, in absolute shock. Women who seek advice from dating books and articles read over and over that men feel what they feel “in the moment.” For example, if he feels tenderness and closeness to a woman at that… Read more »

John Wilder
Guest

To All
If you don’t like the idea of attorney’s man going to counseling here is a book that she can give to him to overcome negative self talk. It is a very crippling habit that far too many of us use against ourselves to our own detriment.

Here is a book on Amazon designed to help with this problem.

Deliver Me From Negative Self Talk: A Guide To Speaking Faith-filled Words

Renee (the Attorney, not Wade)
Guest
Renee (the Attorney, not Wade)

Hi, John. Though my man, along with many other men, could benefit from reading such a book, I believe that I should not be the one giving it to him. Because he, as a man, cares about maintaining my respect for him and his attractiveness to me, he may think that my suggestion, albeit loving and helpful, is tantamount to implying that he’s weak. My concern is not the self-help book itself, but the harm it may do to his already-wounded ego if I were the one to suggest that he needs help. I am not his wife, so I… Read more »

Olivia
Guest
Olivia

Hi Renee, I really need a quick answer from you or from anyone of you great women out there. Me and my boyfriend have had a passionate but painful an on-off-relationship for a year now, and yesterday I got dumped AGAIN. I found your teachings some time ago, and started to see some results… Last weekend was the most romantic and beautiful weekend of my life. I found out how to be soft and feminine in a whole new way, and we had so much fun and so many romantic moments. I have never seen him like that before. Anyhow,… Read more »

Anna
Guest
Anna

Hi Olivia, I read your post & it brought back many memories about the earlier stages of my relationship. I was in your position, almost exactly. When I tried to talk to him about how I felt, what I didn’t like, what I wanted to change, etc, he would STONEWALL me out and not want me to speak, and even tell me to SHUT UP because he wanted to sleep. He just would turn his back to me and not listen, not respond. I would cry for what seemed like hours beside him, while he just slept there. I suspect… Read more »

Anna
Guest
Anna

I want to make a quick comment on “breaking up.” When this happened in my relationship, it turned out that the guy didn’t remember “breaking up” with me at all. It was my interpretation of the situation. He actually said it as a way to “break” himself from being in this heated situation. Could this be the case with your man? Could it be that he just wanted to break out from the situation? Could it be that his interpretation of the “break up” is different from yours? Just a thought. I wish you best of luck.

John Wilder
Guest

Olivia There are a number of issues here. The first one is that he is no respecting you because of the age difference. 11 years is just too much. I normally suggest that a woman find a guy 3-5 years older but not younger than her. It is simply a fact that women mature emotionally more quickly than men. So yes break it off for good with this guy. Now all guys want to have a peaceful no drama relationship and it sounds as if you are very drama driven. You need a shot of self confidence. I suggest setting… Read more »

lou
Guest
lou

Another great article Renee. What you are trying to say in this blog and others is, essentially, being who we truly are. As a human. A female human. When we are who we truly are then things will naturally fall into place such as finding that great guy. I’m naturally very feminine and have had lots of high value guys liking me….for me!! My friends wondered why I got the guys (I wondered too) and now I’m sure its because of that energy. I’ll be forwarding the blog/s to my friends.

Donna
Guest
Donna

Hi Renee, Just want to say thanks for another thought-provoking post – this is probably my favourite so far, it’s made me think about myself and I have so many questions! I actually had to read this twice to ‘get’ it, so I can see how others might have trouble. At first, that little line where you put that telling any masculine person that they don’t know what they’re talking about would annoy them made me think ‘hey! Hang on! That would be a really disrespectful thing to do! If someone did that to me, of COURSE I’d feel offended!’… Read more »

Anna C
Guest
Anna C

My man actually says “You don’t make any sense” almost every day. Before, it used to upset me. But then I realised that when I placed a different meaning on it – one that states that I don’t have to make sense & I am just being me, and he was just being him, then I realised that I can laugh about it instead. The world forces you to make sense… it really does. But now I can finally be free. You should have seen his face when I laughed after he told me I didn’t make any sense. It… Read more »

jay
Guest
jay

Hiya renee it was mind opening reading your blog today, i was able to finally get where responses i used to get from the opposite sex would come from. example..sometimes when im with my brother i would always randomly comment on the weather or something silly and trivial and he’d always ask me WHY i always do that, that he saw it as irrelevant …it got to a point where i’d no longer say anything because i genuinely thought there must b something wrong with me and im being silly! my past love always used to say i was slightly… Read more »

Anna C
Guest
Anna C

Hi Jay, I completely understand where you are coming from when you speak to your brother about something trivial and he wonders what the point is and he makes you feel bad for saying it. I go through the same thing with my man regularly, and now when he says “Why are you telling me this? I don’t care! What’s the point?” I still feel bad at first, but then I realise he’s probably very confused because he’s a man. I used to cry when he said this, because I thought I was making conversation to increase the connection between… Read more »

jay
Guest
jay

thanx Anne ^_^ i’d feel that way with my bro i used to to think i was stupid or something but like renee said its OK to be different and i can relate cus i do feel like i should be able to be myself without being chastised for being so >< an idea would b to try sussing out ur man's mood before making small talk and yes positively stand up for who u r 😉 we r diff its what attracts men to us 😉 what i like about this article is that it brings to light something… Read more »

Anna C
Guest
Anna C

Thanks Jay. You are absolutely right about sussing out my man’s mood before making small talk. In times when he is cranky, he does not respond well to small talk and sees it as pointless. But I love when he’s actually in a good mood and listens and responds to me in kind. Looks like we are not alone in our self consciousness about this, I definitely feel it as well. Best of luck to you too!

Chanel
Guest
Chanel

Why are all these people getting mad over Renee’s message? If it doesn’t ring true for you, then maybe it’s not for you or maybe you are not as masculine as you think you are, if a woman expressing her emotions is considered negative to you. I know a lot of women who claim to be rational and calm and they all seem like they are on the verge of having a major emotional breakdown. I really think making it your goal to be level headed and in control ALL the time leads to mental issues and depression. I work… Read more »

Luke
Guest
Luke

My ex did say she loved me one minute and then “I hate you” the next, even though I was trying and failing to give her something she desperately wanted. That really hurt.

JohnC
Guest
JohnC

I see 4 models for male-female relationships; Modern metro-sexual etc, friends For the male: – yuk. Feminised, lots of chat about feelings, washing up etc For the female: – yuk, no respect for Male, no excitement. (+ Politically correct, but so what?) Male domination taken in hand type For the male: – very hard work, lots of time and effort For the female: + can be very excited, – can be put off Renee-David type lots and lots of interaction about feelings etc For the male: – yeugghh, not what Male wants to do, hard work. Eventually will tire of… Read more »

David Shen
Admin

Hey JohnC

Interesting framework.

Which one does Romeo and Juliet fit into?

Which one does Allie and Noah fit into?

What about Tristan and Isolde?

And where did you conclude that there’s a “Renee-David” type of relationship? Was this a shakespearean thing?

JohnC
Guest
JohnC

Hi David. We need to talk real people relationships – not movies etc.. The happiest marriage I know – in the real, real world – is type 4. I think your relationship will morph there too; Renee will understand when you have to wind down the feelings stuff.

David Shen
Admin

The only reason why we love movies is because we can relate to them. Why? Because we experience the same emotional quality inside of us. Movies capture moments. It’s moments that we live for. Just because you don’t know any Romeo and Juliets in the world, does that really mean we should all lower our standards? When do you think my relationship will morph there? Give me a heads up when you think it’s close. No, to be honest, as a man, it f#$%ing kills me to listen to feelings. A part of me dies every time. It rots and… Read more »

JohnC
Guest
JohnC

sounds pretty close now – but that’s a good thing

David Shen
Admin

lol

Kathy
Guest
Kathy

🙁 gosh, does it really feel that bad?

Anna C
Guest
Anna C

John – I see your last category of relationship as one of function… just coexisting, never getting the deep intimacy that comes with trying to understand each other. For the male, he just carries on with life, no big involvement, and the female quietly nudges the male from time to time. To me, this is not a life to live. Sometimes the female needs to explode and the male needs to respond in a deeper way. Sometimes the male NEEDS to get involved. Otherwise, they never grow, just coexist. Sometimes I think both people need to push the envelope and… Read more »

Luke
Guest
Luke

The funny thing… in modern “progressive” relationships, these roles seem to be reversed. It’s the men who seem desperate to make a connection. The women just coexist… and they seem terrified of trusting him and letting their feelings get any deeper.

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