Article updated 2018
Women aren’t supposed to make sense.
We can make a lot of sense to each other (women to women); and that’s important for connecting with girlfriends.
But the problem is that we deny ourselves the deliciousness that is living in our own true nature – the sensuality, the sexuality, the attractiveness that is truly US, when we decide that we should actually make sense to men, and mean everything we say and know what we’re talking about.
(A small aside: if you told a man who is masculine that he “doesn’t know what he’s talking about”, I’m guessing he would be offended. Anyone in the masculine energy, even a woman, would be offended by such a remark).
The funny thing is, even when we TRY to know what we’re talking about, we often don’t make sense to the men in our lives. Because we mostly talk from an emotion and we talk based on how we feel in the moment. That moment can pass very quickly.
My husband likes to look at me in confusion when I run upstairs to tell him something, and mid sentence, I make a remark about how beautiful and green and lush the trees across the road are right now.
Feminine energy changes often.
There are plenty of women (including myself) who feel scared to be changeable as much as we truly are. Because hey, it’s NOT honoured in our modern society.
In today’s world, you get ridiculed – especially by women, if you change a lot.
News: we are supposed to change. It’s ok to change. It’s ok to not know what you’re talking about and find that part of yourself amusing. Have the courage to find it amusing.
This is what happens when WOMEN talk…
When we women talk it could be from any random emotion from any time in our lives. We can bring things up from the past, from decades ago, and a man has totally forgotten it but WE haven’t, because we attached an emotion to that memory.
Unlike us, men have a tendency (again, have a tendency) to speak from a perspective of detached observation. They tend to say what they SEE. With their eyes, in the present. (see my post on understanding men)
This is why they sometimes hurt the women around them by saying things that are totally detached, VISION based, or OBSERVATION driven.
They’ll say things like…
“I don’t care.”
“Your face looks fatter.” (My Dad said this. Thanks, Dad. Great thing to say to a woman who is 3 months post pregnancy)
“You should not eat that. It will make you fat.”
…..And when they say these things, they simply mean what they say.
They don’t secretly mean “I don’t care. Stop talking about it. I feel passive aggressive when you talk about it. In fact, I feel ALL sorts of things when you talk about it.”
It’s just that. They don’t care. End of the story.
But if we say she has an ugly such and such..we are being judgemental, most of the time because we feel some kind of aversion to that woman, or some sort of distrust or bad association with her.
As I understand it, men mostly don’t mean anything else. Only exactly what they reported with their words. This doesn’t mean they don’t also communicate from emotion sometimes. They do for sure. But the emotions they actually FEEL are different to what WE would feel saying the EXACT same thing.
And usually, if a woman starts talking to a man because she feels a certain way about something, it’s kind of like talking apples and oranges. This is why talking to a man can be hurtful – their responses suit what THEY would want as a man, not what a woman would want. (This is also why men get hot and cold)
Men just report things as they are. I love them for that.
Women…we talk and share based on what we feel. (We talk to bond, whereas if we need to get the job done, we can talk for the purpose of getting the job done, but that’s not necessarily where we live most of the time).
(What is the ONE thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! Click here to find out right now…)
You must be at Peace with your Changeability
And what I believe is this:
YOU should be totally at peace with the fact that you don’t mean everything you say. You should be open about it, and you need to trust it. You should be ok making little to no sense to men.
And in actually being ok with it; that involves:
– Laughing at yourself when you find yourself talking in circles to a man and he looks agitated or confused.
– Telling a man this: “I’m going to tell you how I feel right now. It’s going to make little sense to you. There’s no problem to solve. BUT it would make me ecstatically happy if you could just hear me; feel ME, and do only that.”
– Not letting men bully you in to talking for a point, or reason. They don’t understand you, yet. And you need to tell them as directly as you can, that you are a woman and you are different. And it makes you happy to talk about anything and everything without those things having any point AT ALL.
If he gets annoyed – that’s totally fine, I mean YOU get annoyed with the fact that your man doesn’t like to talk as much. Men and women get annoyed at each other. But that’s ok…because without the differences we wouldn’t have Attraction. And without Attraction, we wouldn’t feel alive.
I have a friend whom I love to death. She is the perfect example of a very feminine woman who has attracted a very masculine man. I was with her recently. In the past she had said it was great that her boyfriend stayed home 2 days a week and she LOVES him staying home, BECAUSE he helps her around the home (vacuuming and dish washing).
When I asked her about the exact same thing weeks later she said: “I hate him staying at home. He does nothing.”
I cocked my head and my mind. “Huh?” I thought.
“But I thought you said…..”
Then I stopped myself.
Irrelevant. Totally irrelevant.
She feels differently today than she did a few weeks ago about the exact SAME issue.
And that is the essence of her communication.
And I should understand that if I choose to go home and think to myself: “she’s not loyal. She’s not honest. She can’t make up her mind.” then I am actively saying that it’s not ok for her OR me, to be a woman. It’s not ok for her to be on a cycle and sensitive to the natural changing energy of the moment or day.
I’d be actively saying: women have to be constant. We have to be level-headed. It’s not ok to be crazy.
I don’t want to do that! It’s helping no one. We are not really crazy unless we are truly mentally insane. We just seem crazy to men, because we live in our bodies a lot and this causes us to be more centred in our feelings and our bodies than in objective logic.
I don’t want to stifle my friends’ nature that they were born with by trying to make them in to a MAN – like almost all of us are trying to do in today’s society; because the masculine is worshipped and the feminine energy minimized.
People are scared of the feminine energy because it’s not productive and not constant.
The more we try to dull ourselves and our natural changeability, trying to be more “logical” for the sake of being worthy, and not just to serve and be more productive – the less able we are to attract a masculine man. This is because a lot of masculine men already provide themselves with all of that – the ambition, the success, the financial killings. What they need in you is what they can get through the relationship with you, the access to a deeper bond and a deeper purpose that he cannot have without you.
But what about INTEGRITY?
What about integrity, you ask?
What about a woman’s trustability, you ask?
We trust the people who are LIKE us.
We don’t trust the people who aren’t.
This is why intimate relationships between a man and a woman is so tough going.
Men think women are nuts and can’t be trusted.
Women think men are insensitive bastards who would screw every woman they see if they had the chance (which is not true unless he’s very desperate).
When it comes to your girlfriends….you can trust them if you feel in your gut that they have good intentions for you. And this trust takes time to build. You need to honour each others changeability.
When it comes to men….You can trust the men who have the same values as you, and you can trust them when you’ve earned each other’s trust over and over throughout the long-term.
That’s what I believe.
Of course, if you are truly willing to do this; you will become happier. Because that part of you is there for a reason. You will eventually figure out what that reason is when you allow that part of yourself to surface.
(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)
What are your thoughts on being changeable? Are you ok with being like that? Or do you find it difficult to allow that part of yourself to surface?
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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