Why Men Go Hot & Cold & 5 Things You Need to Do…

When a guy suddenly goes cold on you or acts distant all of a sudden, there could be a few things going on.

How you should interpret this and what you should do as a response to him depends on the primary reason why he has gone cold.

We’ll discuss later in this article the 5 steps you need to take when a man goes cold on you.

In the meantime, here are 5 possible reasons why a man has suddenly gone cold on you.

Why Men Go Hot and Cold

What On Earth Is Happening When A Guy Suddenly Goes Cold On You?

1: He could be hot when he wants sex from you, and cold when he doesn’t want to invest more in the relationship with you. And he feels you wanting more investment.

2: He could be pulling away. See this article on why men pull away & how to deal with it as a high value woman.

3: He could be hot and cold because he’s a moody guy.

4: You could FEEL him as hot and cold (because you’re a woman). This is because his swinging the pendulum between close and distant doesn’t feel ‘normal’ to you. It’s not what you would do as a woman.

However, it’s what he would do as a man. Because men need to ‘re adjust’ (get their bearings back) after being intimate in a relationship with a woman, and get back to their masculine core. 

Men can’t be men if they’re always focused on being intimate, chatting, getting closer, talking and relating emotionally. They can only do that for so long before they have to pull away (or you may see it as him going cold).

To help you understand further, here’s an article on the 5 things every woman ought to know about men. 

5: It could simply be the natural course of events that occur in many man/woman relationships. It is normal and natural for any man to pull away at some point as your relationship gets deeper and closer.

If this is the case, then his distance may be a normal part of him being a guy, and he will come back soon enough.

Let’s discuss why this is happening to you and and what is going on when a guy suddenly goes cold on you. 

Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with my specially crafted 8 Question Quiz!

Why would he pull away & be distant when everything seemed to be going well?

At the beginning, he comes on strong. He pursues you relentlessly, buys you gifts, compliments you, plans dates and outings, and makes an effort to make you feel special.

Then, months down the track, it stops. He pulls away.

He stops complimenting you and starts to seem distant. He says he’s ‘too busy’ or ‘under a lot of stress’, he stops planning things and even becomes more passive. Perhaps he’s said that he’s not sure about his feelings for you, and goes hot and cold.

Now, this is not the path every man/woman relationship always takes, but it is certainly the same path many women have had to go through.


What on earth happened?

When a different part of him surfaces…

You probably feel confused, unloved, ‘duped’, and you probably have other men who are willing to give you attention, right?

So why does this man – whom things were so great with at the beginning – suddenly seem like a completely different person?

Well, it’s partly because he has become a different person, and so have you. (Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

Here is what happened…

When we are in lust, or even when we fall in love at the beginning of a relationship, our instincts are at work.

What is at work is a primitive part of the brain, a part that some call the ‘lizard brain’.

This is the part of the brain that is in every living creature, of course, reptiles included. It’s there to help us survive. Survival is paramount, for this part of our brain, and so is procreation and baby making.

Here is How To Tell If A Guy Likes You: 6 Signs & 1 Test

When you are very attracted to someone at the beginning, you (and them) subconsciously put out the ‘best’ parts of yourself, whether you like it or not.

At this stage, you are driven by your instincts. At this stage, the man claims he loves babies, children and prams.

And the woman is crazy about the man, is super warm towards him, she wants sex a lot, and is far easier to make happy.

(What is the ONE thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! Click here to find out right now…)

what to do when a guy goes cold

What happens when a man & a woman first get together?

Here’s an interesting conclusion from a recent study:

When men fall in love, their testosterone levels lower. However, when women fall in love, their testosterone levels are increased (creating more equal testosterone levels in the man and the woman).

Because of this, at this early stage of the relationship, men and women differ far less than they normally would in their behaviour and interactions.

So what does this tell you?

It tells you that after a few weeks or months, even 3-9 months, your instincts aren’t such a strong driving force anymore. Instead the other parts of your personality, as well as the other parts of your man, start to surface.

We aren’t putting on our best show anymore. Not only that, but because your behaviour and your biochemistry starts to become more and more different after the initial period, he starts to meet a resistance (which I will talk more about below).

We might like to think that we can control this kind of thing, and not be ‘phony’ at the start. Yet, a lot of the workings of the lizard brain occur without us having any control over it.

CLICK HERE to discover how much you truly live in your feminine energy with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz!

You are not always in control of your future with a man, but you can influence it

I’ll give you an example.

Have you ever promised yourself you would NEVER do something EVER again?

Like, say, never lose your temper with your man again, or never eat a chocolate candy bar again, and then….ultimately, you do?

And after you do it, you think “hang on, what am I doing? Didn’t I promise myself I wasn’t going to do that?!!”

Of course, you have!

We all have.

This is the subconscious part of your brain simply going for what feels great in the moment. Kind of like getting a quick fix in the moment of an emotional difficulty.

Click here to know how to stay high value when he pulls away 

how to stay high value

How & why a man’s behaviour changes after spending some months with you

So what happens is that over time, in your relationship with a man, even though things seem so great in the beginning, over time, things change.

Your instincts are no longer such an enormous drive (of course, your instincts still drive you a lot, just less so than when you were first driven by intense lust, sexual opportunity and novelty).

It becomes much harder for the man to make the woman happy. You become far less easy to make happy.

It’s harder for him to WIN with you.

At least it feels that way to him because now you’ve got reality to deal with.

Now you are both seeing the other parts of each other. Not just the ‘Mr. Perfect’ you saw at the beginning and not just the ‘Little Miss Perfect’ YOU!

Because NOW, it’s not new anymore, maybe those feel-good brain chemicals are not running like mad. And now you actually have to work at it. Which is a hard reality to deal with, for many.

Even if you truly have good intentions, and want to work on something, it’s hard to know what to do.

And it’s hard for a man to know what to do!

There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. CLICK HERE to find out what they are.

If he can’t ‘win’ with you, it can make a man withdraw

Since a man wants to make you happy (this need is at the core of him), this is like a blow to the guts for many men.

And they may get confused, withdraw, and start to feel less inclined to take things to the next level. Partly because they are not being made to feel like a man anymore.

And if he doesn’t feel like he was able to please you, or if he didn’t feel like he was enough for you – he will feel hurt.

This is hard for a man to take.

If a man feels like he’s not able to make you happy, or if he’s afraid you will be impossible to make happy – he’s going to pull away, get confused, or even leave, or run hot and cold.

Even if he genuinely loves you.

He’s probably had past experiences with women where he was hurt. We’ve all been hurt in an intimate relationship before, and he’s just a bit scared. Not willing to admit it, but scared nonetheless.

(What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…)

why do men blow hot and cold

Men “have to” come on strong

See, if a man really desires you OR if he is falling in love with you, he HAS to come on strong.

It’s part of how nature works. He wouldn’t secure a mate or pass on his genes otherwise. This is how it works in the animal kingdom, and it still works similar to us humans, even though men have become a lot more passive in this modern era.

So, he has to come on strong to get sex from you or to form a bond with you.
Regardless of whether or not he is in love with you. Here are 5 unusal signs a man is falling in love.

Yes, I said regardless of whether or not he is in love with you. 

See, men will come on strong whether they are interested in casual sex with you, or whether they want to commit deeper with you. On a primal level, this helps him to secure you as a mate, and it leads, hopefully, to procreation and babies.

CLICK HERE to LEARN the One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Masculine Man That Inspires Him to Want to Take Care of You, Worship You and Deeply Commit to You.

As a woman, it’s not always easy to tell the difference between a man coming on strong because he is truly feeling a romantic bond with you, and a man who is coming on strong because he just wants sex.

This is why there are 3 GOOD Reasons Why You Need to be Worried when he Comes on Strong.

Regardless of whether you like the idea of men coming on strong in the beginning, it has its benefits for evolution.

Remember that you and I wouldn’t be here right now, if our male ancestors didn’t make their moves and pursue females strongly. 

So even though you feel hurt, and you’re scared of losing him, remember and try to appreciate that men have their masculine meanings and masculine biases when dating you, a woman with a feminine bias.

Regardless of whether you think he’s being a moody bi*ch because he’s blowing hot and cold, or perhaps you feel like you’ve done something wrong.

It’s actually just a necessary part of the natural cycle of your relationship.

Now – back to what I said above about reality setting in.

Reality sets in for both of you after the initial period, and what happens is the man then feels some resistance.

Meeting the resistance

If you are a member of our program Commitment Control, you would already be aware of what commitment resistance is, and how to overcome commitment resistance in a man.

However,  just for now, all you need to know is this:

A man usually meets resistance at some point in time in the relationship with you, which really just means he meets his own fears and conflicts.

This is where YOU come in, and where what you do as a woman, in your relationship with him (or any future man for that matter) is absolutely crucial.

Not all men are commitment ready. Take this quiz and see if your man is commitment friendly and commitment ready.

Men & women & their differences

The point is that men and women are completely different. I know we live in a world where we are encouraged to think that men and women aren’t different.

But that’s just propaganda trying to override our instincts.

Sure, in some ways, men and women really aren’t that different!

But when it comes to our reproductive agendas, men and women act very differently in dating (and even when in established relationships).

If you want to stop your man from running hot and cold, you need to understand how men think, what they value, and how men work.

Men and women even use different parts of their brains more than the other sex.

In order for you to get the best out of your guy, you need to understand what is truly valuable to men. You’ll need to understand what makes you a woman of value to men. 

You need to understand how to become that valuable woman he’s going to long for, the woman he misses badly and wants to commit to for the rest of his life.

And if your man is running hot and cold, or if you have dated a few men that have all run hot and cold, listen up.

If you don’t know what to do to stop him running hot and cold – you’re going to end up feeling rejected, hurt and perhaps even humiliated.

You may also end up feeling attached to a man who is just wasting your precious time and youth, which is incredibly important to us as women.

(If you want to know whether he’s really serious about you or just stringing you along, here are 6 Burning Signs He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You.)

We’re all here for a limited time only, right? We don’t have a lifetime to waste.

So the longer you go without understanding men and not knowing how to deal with him pulling away after coming on so strong, then the more of your own time you waste.

(And of course, the more pain you experience in your relationships.)

(There Are Exactly 7 Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to Men. Do You Know What They Are? (& How to Avoid Them Like the Plague)? Click here to find out right now…)

What makes a man commit to you

Remember that a man will commit to you when he subconsciously and consciously feels that you are a valuable woman to him.

In other words, when there’s plenty of emotional connection and emotional attraction in the relationship.

Most of us want a lifelong mate who is high quality, so you can’t blame him for that.

Many men have commitment resistance, but if you know how to overcome it – it never needs to happen again in your relationship.

It’s not hard to get a man to want to devote himself to you…

This happens when you make him feel like you are the right woman. When he feels like you’re the right woman, everything else falls into place.

What is the right woman? She is the one and only woman (not the one of many woman!).

She is a woman who actually understands men, unlike nearly all women out there who don’t understand men at all.

learn the dark feminine art of High Value Banter here.

The path to a long-term relationship is different for men

If you’re thinking this all just sounds like men want everything to be easy, and won’t ‘man up’ and stick things through, I understand.

It really does seem to be the truth when you look at it initially. But when you get a little understanding of how men work, you realize that your perceptions are not 100% true.

They are true to you as a woman, but not really true from a man’s perspective. There are really good reasons why men don’t put more “effort” into the relationship with you.

See, for you as a woman, attachment will often feel completely natural.

You want to go further, take things further, get a man to open up, and maybe create a future together.

Men want this, too.

However, men work differently to women. So they need to feel a different thing to what you feel in order to want to be with you all the time, and be deeply committed to you.

They take a slightly different path to you as a woman. You’d be amazed what you’d find if you look into a woman’s relationship timeline versus a man’s relationship timeline. 

Before he will be willing to step up to the plate and continue with the deep connection you had in the beginning, he needs to feel like a man with you.

Remember the research I talked about above? About how when a man falls in love, his testosterone levels actually lower?

Well, as a general rule, being connected to you and being in relationship with you (a woman) for an extended time, doesn’t really make him feel like a man, at his core.

Yes, being with a feminine woman CAN make a man feel like a man, and naturally would. 

Yet, talking with you, having intimate conversations with you, engaging in loving exchanges with you over and over for a very long time can feel like suffocation to a man, when he hasn’t had a chance to re-group.

(Especially when he’s already under stress.)

CLICK HERE to discover the ONE PHRASE you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say!

He needs to feel like a man first

In fact, the need to feel like a man is like SURVIVAL to a man. What has he got, as a man, if he doesn’t feel like a man?

And the same with you. Think about it. If you’re truly feminine inside, what does life feel like if you don’t feel like a woman – radiant, beautiful, connected, loved and loving, free, and expressive?

Crap. It feels like crap.

This is why women go spend thousands and thousands of dollars on things that will enhance their looks.

Because inside, they want to feel radiant, they want to be noticed, and appreciated, and they want their beauty to be appreciated. All these things are part of feeling like a WOMAN.

The same goes for men – men will do crazy things to just feel like a man.

This like:

Get addicted to golf. Go to war for seemingly unwarranted reasons (at least to a woman anyway). Go quiet and hide away in their man cave. Not call you for several days.

See, we women frown upon this. But there’s always another side of the coin.

For example, men often get hurt and frustrated by us spending hoards of money on what they would deem to be pointless things.

Such as new dresses or mugs (when we already have 50 at home). New shoes (when we already have 256 pairs in the cupboard) – it’s pointless to men.

I am not saying the above behaviours I’ve described are GOOD behaviours.

I’m certainly not saying they are sustainable ways to feel like a man or a woman.

So – what’s my point? My point is that if your man is pulling away from the relationship, he is pulling away so that he can feel like a man.

What he does may be selfish, it may hurt you like hell, and you may not LIKE it. However, at the bottom of it all, he just wants to feel like a man.

All the better if YOU happen to be that feminine woman who makes him feel like a man.

(Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…)

What to do if he has come on strong & is now going hot and cold.

So if right now your man seems to be running hot and cold and pulling away, and you feel scared, taken for granted or confused, here are the 5 action steps you can take.

Step 1) Work out if he is SERIOUS about you, or just “interested”.

The first thing I recommend that you do moving forward, is to get some clarity and understanding of his intent towards you.

Work out whether he is actually serious about you, or if he is just “interested”. There’s a huge difference between what a man is willing to do for you and with you, when he’s serious about you, versus when he’s just interested.

I have an article to help you work out whether he IS serious about you or just interested right here: Is He Serious About You or Just “Interested”?

Step 2) Acknowledge that a man will pull away at some point in the relationship.

Men have evolved over millions of years to be hunters! To bring home food, to kill beasts, and to work in a group with their comrades to achieve a result. Ie: kill the food, and bring it home.

Men are not originally made to have their default mode of operation be to actively seek out long-term relationships with women.

Men’s default operation was set to seek out procreation, have sex and pass on his genes in to tomorrow. (That is the first layer of truth to this.)

Don’t fret just yet! There’s something much more positive to this. And that is that we as humans were made to pair bond, too.

In fact, we are pair bonding machines! However. And here’s the big however. Men will only seek out relationship with the woman they see as the right woman. 

So the fact that he’s wired to seek out sex by default, is not necessarily bad for you.

See, none of this means he’s not going to be in a relationship with you and nor does it mean he CAN’T be. Of course he can.

It’s just that you have to fulfil what his base level need is FIRST. Which is to feel like a man and see you as the ‘right’ woman (which is the one and only woman. Not the one of many woman.) You need do to this so that he feels safe to progress with you.

His pulling away doesn’t mean you’ve done something ‘wrong’

Once you acknowledge that his pulling away doesn’t mean you’ve done anything ‘wrong’, you can feel more free.

It’s not really you, it’s him wanting to feel free (feel like a man), to meet his own needs first.

Perhaps he wants to take a short breather or break from the relationship. That’s not always bad. It can give him an opportunity to miss you badly. 

Once you’ve got this space between yourself and a man, and you acknowledge that his pulling away is just trying to meet his own needs, then you can then proceed to free yourself from suffering. 

You can free yourself from feeling rejected, to then get in a better emotional state so that you can work from a position of power to make the relationship (or your future relationships) better.

This will allow you to give him space. Give him time. He needs it to re-charge and to feel like a man again.

Give him the space and time he needs. This is going to begin the process of getting him to associate you with the feeling of being able to be feel like a man.

Step 3) Take out a piece of paper & write down every single thing you are afraid of.

Are you afraid of not being good enough for him? Are you afraid he is going to go back to his ex? Are you afraid he doesn’t love you? Or that he’s cheating on you?

Write down everything you fear (write each fear beneath the other so you have space for the next part of the exercise). Write down everything.

And just when you think you’ve got everything, write down a few more things you fear. Keep writing until you’ve got nothing left.

Step 4) Write down a new meaning next to your fears.

Now look at your list. There’s a lot of fears, aren’t there?

Now, next to each fear you have listed – write down a new meaning for that fear.

For example. Say you fear that he doesn’t love you and will reject you again. Your new meaning could be (my new meaning would be):

“I cannot be rejected. Even if a man rejects my love, I have infinite love inside of me. And even when I do feel rejected, I can still love, because I am a feminine woman who is full of love.

No-one can TRULY reject me, they can only show me that I am not the right woman for them. I am only rejected if I BELIEVE people are rejecting me.”

Another example:

Say you fear that you are not as good as his ex-girlfriend. Your new meaning would be, instead of: ‘oh I could never compare to his ex girlfriend because he’s so obsessed over her.’ Your new meaning could be:

“I have everything I need within me right NOW to be more than enough for this man, and even more than his ex is.

I know that even if he does the thing I fear the most – which is leave me – I am far too powerful a woman to diminish myself because of this. I might grieve, it might hurt, but that grief will only make me stronger for the right man.

I will be a better lover for the right man for me, even if this relationship doesn’t work out.”

Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with my specially crafted 8 Question Quiz!

Step 5) Every time you feel the old fears coming up, read over your new meanings again.

From these new meanings you give to your fears, you will be able to increase your value and make him realize your value as a woman, because you won’t be doing things from a place of desperation or neediness.

When you do things from a place of desperation or neediness, you end up just extracting value from a man’s life, rather than adding value.

And it doesn’t matter whether you end up with this man or not. What matters is that you have this understanding and this strength inside of yourself to become a better lover. For yourself (so that you can attract that fulfilling relationship), and for your current man or your future man.

An important point to note: when you give a man space, and you do the steps I’ve given you above, you’ll notice a difference in your own energy.

When you work on yourself and work from your newfound understanding of men, you’ll notice that he will be more likely to call you first and ask how you are.

He will feel your presence differently

And not only that, if he’s the right man for you, he may want to make plans to see YOU, because he feels your presence differently.

You start to go from feeling like more of a burden to him to feeling like more of an excitement and a ‘drug’ for him. 

Just remember that giving a man space doesn’t guarantee that he’ll see you as his one and only. Even if men come back to you still need to test them, and feel their intent. 

If you would like to know how to test your man, I’ve got a great article which shows you exactly how you can test your man here.

I’ve also got ONE thing you can text him to capture his attention, trigger his curiosity, and make him hang onto every word you say. This will give you the opportunity to test how serious he is about you. Find out what that ONE thing you can text him is here. 

Becoming a woman who men are dying to commit to…

To end this, I would love to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new program “Becoming His One & Only”. Click HERE to get yourself a copy!

And if you want to take things further, really get a deep understanding of men and what is going to inspire him to commit organically, here’s what to do. I suggest that you check out our understanding men program.

Until next time, take care.

renee wade what to do when he doesn't call

P.S. If you liked this article, CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.

If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.

By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.

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How to Deal with Men Pulling Away

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Jane P
Jane P

Sorry I’m not buying that testosterone stuff. The guy I was seeing is about as girlie and weak as it gets. No providing, no manly instincts. Just an a hole

Melanie Brown
Melanie Brown

Thank you ? SO helpful, I feel a lot better after watching the video.
It’s amazing how us women have the same instincts to attach-thought I was pretty much the only one who was in that mind set in this day and age! But it turns out no way!
Really made sense about the differences between men and women, and why men withdraw xx

Tanya Thomas
Tanya Thomas

Thank you so much. I was dying inside my heart. I am do grateful for your book and wisdom.


Thank you! I really needed this tonight. Was going stir crazy


Hi there, I’ve been pretty afraid of commitment myself, but I’ve fallen deeply in love with a guy. He’s not very in tune with his emotions and he’s extremely independent (so am I, so maybe that’s why it has been working?). Talking about relationship stuff has been difficult, but I’ve felt loved and desired by him. I’ve never doubted that we were ok, because of the way he looked at me, the way he touches me, and the little things he does for me. We’ve been dating for almost a year. But then I told him I loved him. He… Read more »

Carinne Pompom
Carinne Pompom

I have been with a North Indian guy for 2 months & since yesterday, he started to treat me a bit coldy.. He has been nice to me for 2 months.. He is not a permanent resident of Singapore, he’s here on a business visa.. He’s 27, I am 31..

Reply to  Carinne Pompom

Let him go. Indians are not used to dating and at 27 he will be expected to go marry someone his parents want him to marry.


l only met mine like 4 months ago. The first three months were marvelous. He called daily and talked to me on phone like forever, he showers me ethics gifts and took me out. He made sure we had quality time together, steady once in a week. For the past one month he has gone cold, with a lot of unplanned schedules, at time we hang on one another not in very good terms. l have tried to express my fears, but he keeps reassuring me that nothing is wrong. When l wanted to call it quits he fixed a… Read more »

Reply to  Carol

Thank you Renee! God bless you, this has helped me profoundly.


People who blow hot and cold are passive aggressive and have mental issues. It is nothing the women did. I am someone who is upfront with who I am from the start and do not switch up later down the road and still men have blown hot and cold. A man will blow cold simply because he is done using you for your body. He faked a relationship with u just to get sex. I know this cause I had a man confess to it after I asked him to be honest. This article makes women think they are part… Read more »

Reply to  Fedup

I think your hot and cold guy was just plain narcissist. This is a predictable pattern for all narcissists. Most of my exes are narcs and this behaviour is extremely familiar to me. No matter what you do or who you are, you’ll reach the inevitable end of running hot and cold, him being hard to be pleased and blaming you for all of his shit. These men are cowards and will always project their insecurities on you. In the end i understood how much of my flaws were exaggerated and I was made self conscious to be kept in… Read more »


Hi Renee, I love this article and have allowed the guy that I have been with for 6 months to have the freedom he needs to be a man. However, I believe that I have made a big mistake. I have tried to ‘play it cool’ with him but have now found that he doesn’t know how I feel about him and I’ve become a ‘taker’. I have always been told that a woman should always be chased, should not show a man how she feels and should never be vulnerable. The man is supposed to chase the woman and… Read more »

Reply to  Natasha

As a male I have felt with a woman like this and this is the exact reason I would go hot and cold. I would show her affection (HOT) and she would never reciprocate, let me know she liked me or initiate anything. Then I would pull back and have to rethink the situation(COLD) until I could some how rationalize trying again. She would get upset and it came to the point where I felt she was maliciously using me for attention. Expecting someone to shower you with love with little or no effort on your part is a terrible… Read more »

Reply to  Chris

I showered the guy I am seeing with attention and affection and he pulled back. He tells me he has feelings for me, but they are all bogged down with other things in his life. 🙁

john lips
john lips
Reply to  Natasha

men HATE…hate hate hate to chase women. we want women who jump all over us and go out of their way to let us know that they are interested in us and attracted to us. period.


ok, but what if the problem is not that he pulls away, does not call… I’d be ok with it, I have things to do w/o him. My problem is that he comes and stays but is not present… Naturally I started feeling that he lost attraction and comes only for convenience, as I rent an apt and he has roommates, my place is clean, bed is more comfortable etc. He does not listen, I mean, he is listening but next day (or even few mins later) asks the same question… Assuming and ascribing things about me (after I just… Read more »

Reply to  Natalie

Hi Natalie. I used to have the exact same thing going on with my man in the beginning. What I did was leave, every time I felt he wasn’t 100% there. I’d leave the room, or leave the apartment. He’s improved a lot since I did that, not being annoyed at me as much, because I’ll leave. But the truth is some men will always be annoyed, but it’s not because they don’t love you, it’s because the situation annoyed them (imagine someone cutting in front of you in traffic, how annoyed you’d get. Now imagine your guy did that.… Read more »

Reply to  Anna

Hi Anna, thank you for your thoughtful reply. Well, the night I wrote here my man came and fixed things, so I am ‘out of cycle’ now 🙂 I remember coming across ‘dark attraction’ expression somewhere on this blog but could not find any article on it. Could you possibly refer me? I have to admit, the notion of dark attraction is still vague to me. My understanding was that women, should not always be goody-goodies, sometimes it’s good to show him “bad” side which is not really bad.. (As they say, “good girls are welcome in heaven, bad girls… Read more »

Reply to  Natalie

Hey Natalie. You can find more info on dark femininity in her articles here: https://www.thefemininewoman.com/2010/09/light-and-dark-feminine-a-quick-contrast/ They are very descriptive. https://www.thefemininewoman.com/2010/09/the-dark-side-of-femininity/ I think dark femininity & dark masculinity (dark attraction) is very important. I’ve found that my man is threatened by his dark side sometimes, because he pushes down my dark side (he says it’s “disgusting”). But I know it’s because he’s scared of it, and he’s ashamed of his dark side. You should have seen his face when I said that he was still that “bad boy” he once was. He looked at me like I was the first person… Read more »

Anna C
Anna C
Reply to  Natalie

Oh I forgot, Renee puts in depth lessons on light & dark into her programs. In fact, Attraction Control Monthly has a whole BOOK on this subject.


“If you’re truly feminine inside, what does life feel like if you don’t feel like a woman – radiant, beautiful, connected, loved and loving, free, and expressive? Crap. It feels like crap.” What makes a woman pull away and make her seem hopeless and never feeling worthy of a man? Not feeling like a woman. And what makes her not feel radiant & like a woman? Not getting attention from the man she loves. I used to wonder how the heck a man would feel not worthy of love & thinking he’ll always be alone when he’s in a relationship…… Read more »


A lot of men who do this hot and cold thing are just narcissists who only care about their feelings. It’s not always because they aren’t feeling like a man. If he’s acting like this very early on, and begins only texting twice a week, etc something is wrong. I can understand them in a relationship being this way at times though


I’ve read this article through and you really have this ‘deeper understanding’ of men.

There comes a time where this that men can impose on their partner can get really stressful and make a woman feel bad…….and then it becomes a choice of whether or not to end the relationship.


Hello, I relate to this right now. It is driving me nuts. I mean I thought he wouldn’t text me today at all. But, suddenly he texts me “Good Afternoon!!, How are you doing? :)” (as if trying to come off friendly or something I guess) but…i mean the conversations are very short and he stops responding. And, this will probably keep going on and on..and then when i try to talk to him more later throughout that day he says, “I don’t leave him alone.” So, what do i do? Will he even come back?…. It’s uncomfortable for me.


Hi, I love your article! it makes so much sense. I have a question though, how do you make a man feel like a man? and what do I do if my man is 25 and is still immature?

Reply to  Melissa

I’m with a man 7 months we got back 2 days ago had romance and I texted him to drive me to an Interview today. He said hes tell me last night. I have no car. He did not respond I called him and he rehe Ted my call so went to voicemail I left a message. He texted me he’s coming home soon. 15 mins later he said he’s watching a hockey game somewhere. All I wanted was him to confirm my drive. At 930 I said are u home soon he said yes. He texted to call him… Read more »


Thank-you Renee, you are a genius. Your blog helps me to clarify things and be a better woman! Danielle xxx


Wow what a great article. I completely agree with letting a man feel like a man. When men don’t feel like men, they act out in weird ways. They do things that hurt us women. I remember my ex boyfriend use to be hot and cold with me, but I could never figure out why. The reason was because I wasn’t allowing him to be a man. Thanks for the article.

Renee Wade
Renee Wade
Reply to  Jenny

Hi Jenny, I really appreciate your willingness to see it from the masculine male’s perspective, and then sharing it here with us. Thank You, and the universe will reward you 🙂 xoxox


Have you ever thought about writing an e-book or guest authoring on other sites? I have a blog based upon on the same information you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information. I know my visitors would value your work. If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an email.


I have just read this article because my friend is going through a tough time with her boyfriend. And I must say I’m all for giving men space and letting them be a man ie doing man things DIY etc and going pub with mates or golf or football or rugby but this article Implies that because we come from animals and have animal instincts which I’m also believe off but way u worded it is as though we let men go out n fuk about n feel like a man by dik dipping and we r too wait around… Read more »

Reply to  Laura

I 100% agree with Laura’s post. The way this article has been written gives me the impression that by letting him be a man through giving him space for him to go out and be sexually involved and intimate with other women to keep the attraction new with their manly instincts? Manly things should involve spending time with their mates watching sports, going to the pub just like girls have girls time shopping, talking about their lives and emotions getting advice, dining out, having few drinks and all that feminine stuff.

Abi Jaiy
Abi Jaiy
Reply to  lory

Nonono, shes saying just give him space, to feel like a man but obviously. Do you want to date a woman? If he loves you he will still be committed he’ll just be doing manly things but NOT SEX WITH OTHER FEMALES!


I had a lot of ups and downs with my three years LDR boyfriend….. i’ve been through ALLLLLLLL what you’ve wrote above………. I HAVE READ Men are from Mars Women are from Venus to understand him and to make him feeeeel me….. sometimes we’re like in the top of the mountain and other times we’re just sinking down……. He is my first love… my first everything.. i love him to the extence that if only 1% hope is still in our realtionship i’ll give an extra 1000% to fight for him… but he isn’t fighting for me……. is he scared… Read more »

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