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Article updated 2018

The Fastest Way to Push a Man Away

The fastest way to push a man away, (or to fail with men in general), is to make him feel blamed. 

“Oh, so you FINALLY call me?!”

“How could you do that?!”

“But ya didn’t pick up yer socks like I asked!”

“You started it!”

“You just expect me to be perfect!”

“But you’ve let yourself go! All you do is sit on the couch.”

“You never listen!”

A dirty look.

A condescending look.

When you feel hurt, or misunderstood, or scared as hell in your relationship, sometimes the last thing you want to do is take responsibility for your own emotions, and for the way you feel. It is just easier to blame, and often, it really does feel justified to blame a man, at least in the heat of the moment anyway.

And in these heated moments, it’s really easy to forget what is truly important to you. And then, wham! You just threw your values out the window, in just one second. And hurt the one you probably love the most.

(By they way, on the topic of feminine, click here to find out how feminine you are deep down in your core by doing my quiz here. I’ve carefully designed these 8 questions to show you exactly how much you are living in your feminine energy and what it really means for you.)

Knowing something intellectually vs really doing it

Your job is not to discipline a man.

We all know this, YOU know this, intellectually. But here’s the problem.

It feels TOO GOOD to point out where he’s gone wrong. So we forget our values, and instead we take the lazy option or we do what feels good in the moment (by the way, do you ever truly feel good afterwards?) No. it’s an illusion – that blaming and letting someone know how they were wrong is going to make us feel good.

It’s like many things in life, isn’t it? We find ourselves failing to achieve what we really want because of our contradictions.

We promise to be faithful, but then we cheat on him.

We say we want to be successful, but we sabotage the job interview.

We say money isn’t important to us – but when it really comes down to it, and we’re challenged on the money side of things; we act like desperate fools.

We say we want a great relationship, but the things we do every day are destroying that possibility.

(There Are Exactly 7 Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to Men. Do You Know What They Are? (& How to Avoid Them Like the Plague)? Click here to find out right now…)

Getting what you want from him…

So when it comes to a man, it’s also intuitive to repetitively point out his flaws or how he’s hurt you – it feels natural to us, because in that moment, it really does feel like we might get what we want from him.

It doesn’t.

It’s like with children. Many parents expect that by always blaming the child, beating the child, or always making the child wrong, will make the child “learn”.

Sure, the child might OBEY you, or get “good results at school”. But they are not doing it for a good reason. They’ll be doing it out of fear or to please you.

And worse still – the child develops a bad association with YOU. Not THEIR OWN behavior.

Perhaps that’s why we find children going behind our backs and doing what they are punished for. Interesting, hey?

(Some men are naturally more commitment friendly and some are more commitment phobic. Click here to see how commitment friendly your man truly is through this special quiz I put together for you…)

When you make a man feel bad about himself…

The same applies with a man. Most women think that it’s so easy for a man to just leave them or cheat on them.

Well, of course he can. And of course it’s that easy for him when he feels blamed most of the time.

Of course he’s going to withdraw or leave and prefer to drink or be with his buddies or play golf rather than being with you. To him, being around you just makes him feel bad, and misunderstood.

It’s not a blame game.

As Nelson Mandela once said: blame is drinking the poison and expecting your enemy to die.

Blame, and pointing the finger feels good for a moment – but it’s like bad eating habits. It feels great to eat that chocolate or that tub of ice cream every time you’re feeling bad and need a chocolate fix – but when you’re fat and your skin is breaking out and you feel unattractive – it doesn’t feel so good then, does it?

I know from personal experience.

It feels (convincingly) good to blame a man or go to him and repeatedly try to make sure he gets the point that he’s not doing things the way you want him to or to bring him down for not meeting your standard – until you end up with a man you can’t respect because you’ve emasculated him so much, and made him feel like he’s trapped – or until he leaves you, cheats on you or he puts his work above you (which is what most men would do) – a place where he feels he can succeed.

If your goal is to feel good about yourself in the MOMENT or just to get something for yourself (selfishly) – you’ll blame and criticize and point out everything he’s doing to make the situation bad, or to make life hard for you.

If your goal is to have a loving relationship, and you really value LOVE – you’ll do something very different.

So what’s more important to you?

The dirty socks, or love and passion?

The dishes, or love and passion?

Him being punctual, or love and passion?

How misunderstood you feel, or love and passion?

(Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…)

You don’t have to stay and take bad treatment

You don’t have to STAY with a man that is not treating you right, and nor should you bend to bad treatment from anyone – but blaming and scolding and withholding, when it’s done all the time, over and over, just makes YOU look bad.

And it just makes a man feel bad towards YOU.

And you really want to avoid doing this with a good man (who may be easy to take for granted).

Related post: What to Do If He Takes You for Granted

It just makes you look like a low quality mate, who’d rather sit there complaining rather than being active and doing something about it or, – even better, (alternatively) try to influence a man from a place of poise, pride and confidence.

I want to leave you with a statistic. For those who think making a man wrong is OK because he ‘deserves’ it:

A study was once done on smokers. 70% of smokers, when they have been told they will DIE if they continue smoking, still continue to smoke. That’s 70% of smokers who have been told they’ll die if they continue smoking.

Human beings respond a lot more to positive reinforcement and loving rewards than negative reinforcement or blame.

Hint: an example: instead of withdrawing or saying nasty things to him when he turns up late, try being happy when he’s actually there with you. Here’s how you can deal with men pulling away in a high value way.

So, what do you choose? Love and passion? Or blaming?

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

renee-wade

P.S. Connect with me on social media!

See Related Articles

THIS is Why Men Don’t Call More Often…

How to Deal with Fear of being Alone and Him Leaving You?

Why He Pulls Away when you spend time Together & How to Deal with it

Why He TALKED Marriage & Babies with You, and Then Disappeared

How to Maintain your High Value when He doesn’t Contact You

How to be High Value Even if He’s Pulling Away

 

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SagharAredhel EmschertochterShannon DormanDavid Dillionmidnite Recent comment authors
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Saghar
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Saghar

What about some ways or tips to push men (especially unwanted ones) away!
Please google and youtube “how to push men away”! The results are strange! Let’s try be less sexist!

Aredhel Emschertochter
Guest
Aredhel Emschertochter

My Husband has found the Red Pill and started to treat me like a minor, making important decisions over my head, not listening to me when there is something important, not telling me when I might expect him home in the evening (I do not care if he is 30 mins late but 4 hours?) All this shows his disrespect and disregard and quite frankly – it makes me seek people who do understand me.

David Dillion
Guest
David Dillion

My wife and I just went through this again. One problem is things that are not really a big deal to me, (like running out of gas) is a huge deal to her. She feels that thus makes me irresponsible. And when I apologize and say how I dont understand why she’s getting so upset over such a small thing, she no linger is upset about what happened. But is now angry at me. Saying that I dont care about her feelings. Or that Im so irresponsible and selfish. And that she’s not sure how much more of my lack… Read more »

Aredhel Emschertochter
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Aredhel Emschertochter

> I try to explain to her that I understand that everyday issues are important to acknowledged and address accordingly. But that something like running out of gas isn’t really worth getting so upset about.

You are treating her like a minor, disrespecting her massively. Change that and all will work out.

iguiste23
Guest
iguiste23

Same applies with both men and women
But it is more apparent o idk I know what I mean. When you push your man 1 step too far the guys walks faster I know from a mans perspective we get pissed of we’re done. I mean genuinely pissed off 1 step too far.

Sofia
Guest
Sofia

This was me,I, somehow got out of that pattern(I was more relaxed, etc). I didnt bother my ex with being always late, not calling thru out the week to check up on his daughter (he is studying and I know he is super busy) ..etc…etc….BUT, my family is always checking on on what he is doing and what he is not. So they were always telling me ”why isnt he calling to check up on his dauhgter when she is sick?” ”why is he always late, does he got something more important to do than to come and see her… Read more »

Joan
Guest
Joan

I don’t see how socks on the floor can be a problem. I would just pick them up myself. All the time if need be. He does other things and everything probably comes out even anyway.

Jen
Guest
Jen

Actually, the quote by Nelson Mandela is RESENTMENT is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies. Resentment and blame are not synonymous.

Janine
Guest

Hi Renee, my boyfriend and I just broke up on Friday. He has been unhappy for a long time, ever since the honeymoon period/romantic love was over. It was his first relationship and he didnt know it would come to an end, he thought that feeling lasted forever. He also told me that I didnt challenge him enough and keep him on his toes and threaten him more with wanting to break up with him because that apparently made him scared and made him work harder. I thought that I argued more than enough with him but as he has… Read more »

Anna C
Guest
Anna C

Hi Janine, I saw your post and had to reply. I feel like I’ve been in your situation so maybe my experience can help you. My man used to tell me that I didn’t “challenge him enough” and then at the same time used to feel like a failure when I told him he did something wrong (wasn’t I challenging him then???) – Yeah, I didn’t get it either. Your question is a very good one. There were many times he thought he could never make me happy and would try to break up. But here’s what I learned: I… Read more »

Anna C
Guest
Anna C

This is the blog post I referenced: https://www.thefemininewoman.com/2012/04/talk-to-man-so-wont-pull-away-or-go-cold/

Janine
Guest

Thanks so much Anna for your reply, it makes so much sense now. I really really wish that I had come across this site and you 🙂 a year ago or even 6 months ago and it may have saved the relationship. I realize now that when I did get angry I didn’t phrase it in the write way and ended up blaming him when it wasn’t my intention and other times when I should have called him out, I didn’t. He unfortunately doesn’t have it in him to give it another go considering he hung in there for a… Read more »

Anna C
Guest
Anna C

Hey Janine, I think you can still get back together with your man. Especially if you’ve been in a relationship with him for more than a year, and even if he says he does not want to do it anymore. How many times have you said you’d never do something and then end up doing it? And… why did you end up doing it? Because you thought it would make you feel good at the time, and your perspectives had changed. So, you’d have to get this same reaction from him in order to make him try again. I think… Read more »

Anna C
Guest
Anna C

Janine, I came across another relevant blog post for you: https://www.thefemininewoman.com/2012/05/men-fall-for-drama-queens/
It seems you can express yourself and show your emotions in a more wild, authentic format than the previous blog post I referenced, but the common theme is to not make a man feel blamed, because when he does, it feels like you are not on his side. Good luck.

Janine
Guest

Hey Anna, thanks again for your words of encouragement 🙂 We were together for 5 years and then last year he wanted to break up with me but I convinced him to give it another go. The passion etc was there for a few months but then it just died down again and it became routine and obligation again being with me. I understand what you’re saying but he said that getting back together only happens in fairy tales, its not real life. He also associates those bad feelings that he experience over the past year with me and I… Read more »

Meg
Guest
Meg

I know these are old comments, but it made my heart ache reading Janine. You should give up on this guy and move on…but in the future, if he’s LATE rather than blaming him, wait 15 minutes and leave. If he dosen’t call when he says he will, then turn off your phone or don’t answer for a while. You don’t have to blame him, you just have to show him with your actions you won’t put up with that nonsense. I’ve found this to be very effective with men if they start taking me for granted. Also you should… Read more »

Nutcase
Guest
Nutcase

Thank you renee for writing this. Wish my wife knew this, we have everything or most of everything, but everyday I feel like I am the source of her unhappiness. We have a very beautiful sweet daughter, I would give my life for my little daughter, but my wife is always like being with me was the worst decision in her life. I am going nuts, is have a good job, I am the head of a department and I like to think I am ok with other people, everyone likes me except my wife, I have also even turned… Read more »

Anna C
Guest
Anna C

Hey, Nutcase. Your post was sweet and made me think. I feel like all you want from your wife is to feel appreciated by her. I’m sorry you are not getting it right now… I wish I could help. I could tell you from a woman’s point of view is that she probably has no idea how you feel, and that the source of this is probably one of 2 things: 1) she probably feels misunderstood by you for a long time that she has built up resentment towards you – if this is the case, find out what she… Read more »

SweetMarie123
Guest

I have a question for the other readers please. If a guy won’t put your picture on his Facebook page, even though you are dating and supposed to be exclusive, does it mean much? My friend is very upset that her current beau, whom she is crazy about, won’t put a pix on his site of her or of them together. She has a pix of her and him on the front of her page but he isnt even hugging her in the pix. She is cosying up to him but he held his hand away when he could have… Read more »

Anna
Guest
Anna

No, I don’t think it does. Some men are just private, especially about their love lives. Some men do not take Facebook seriously. Tell her to ask him what he really thinks of Facebook, what Facebook means to him. He might just be private and not like to have his personal life on display like she does (not saying it’s bad, I’m more of her behavior here). Personally, I wish Facebook never existed. All it’s done is feed insecurities and case marriage and relationship breakdowns. Stupid Facebook.

Jen
Guest
Jen

Wait! He “is getting divorced from his wife” means he’s still married. And you wonder why he doesn’t want to have pics of the 2 of them on his FB???

Nana
Guest
Nana

“Hint: an example: instead of withdrawing or saying nasty things to him when he turns up late, try being happy when he’s actually there with you.” Mmm if I do that, he will just think “Oh it’s ok, no matter if I respect my commitments, she’s still happy to see me anyway, so no need to worry, I’ll just do whatever I want, telling her “I’ll do that” and “I’ll be back at this hour so we can spend some time together too” but I’ll finally do like I want. Indeed, I really don’t understand how we’re supposed to act… Read more »

karen_o
Guest
karen_o

I don’t care about socks & dishes…but there are matters which indicate respect for my time & energy & needs. It’s what things symbolize. It may not mean that to the other person, but they need to respect what it means to me. I will tell you what I want more than love & passion – understanding, respect & honor. And so my feelings being understood, respected, and honored are more important to me than love & passion. I will not compromise my integrity for romance. Also, people are sometimes responsible for other people’s feelings. People need to accept that… Read more »

Diana
Guest
Diana

Oh, Renee, I don’t know how you do it, but each article seems like it’s better than the last. I really love the way you draw in the way in which your actions make a man view you as a mate, it’s really interesting 🙂 However, I do have a question for you: how would you recommend to communicate to a man that you would appreciate it if he could do something (eg. the dishes, picking up his dirty socks, that type of thing), without berating him for not doing it? For example, what if he’s forgotten to do something… Read more »

Erfan
Guest

So true, is all i can say. Cheers guys……….

Jason Fonceca
Guest

Brilliant. So much of what you write feels spot on and resonates with me, and you are doing a FANTASTIC service to the world. I’d love to connect with you or collaborate, when the time’s right. 🙂 I particularly love: “You don’t have to STAY with a man that is not treating you right, and nor should you bend to bad treatment from anyone – but blaming and scolding and withholding, when it’s done all the time, over and over, just makes YOU look bad…And you really want to avoid doing this with a good man (who may be easy… Read more »

Twanda Moore
Guest
Twanda Moore

Thank you Renee for that article, but for me it ,may be too late. I am in a relationship with an emotionally weak man that never takes charge of any situation. He allows me to make all the decisions, it’s whatever I say or do is allright with him. I am very argumentative because I need him to stand up and be a man, to take charge of situations and to make decisions. When and if there are problems, he will overlook them rather than try to find a solution or even address it. Whenever I approach him he will… Read more »

Shannon Dorman
Guest
Shannon Dorman

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pI_nk0L-cF4

Denise
Guest
Denise

Congratulations! Lovely article. I have always believed that in life, not only in relationships, you attract more with honey than with vinegar (poor translation of a saying we use in spanish…sorry). Although I also believe “complaining” is healthy and an important communication skill, since no one should be expected to “guess” what bothers us. It is all about choosing the right time and the right words, remaining femenine and never loosing our good manners. I agree that becoming passive agresive and a compulsive complainer will only make people, not to mention your partner, stay away from you; but never saying… Read more »

sam
Guest
sam

My Dear Friend Renee I”m so happy to have you in my life and no doubt you’re the GOD’s gift because everything you mention has been one of my problems that I’ve been trying to find a solution for it for so long specially the last article so I do appriciate your great effort over the so called subject and your attention to women’s relationship problems. I have experienced that bad feeling about me so many times that I wished to die rather than to live longer despite the fact that you love your man more than anything in life… Read more »

Renee
Guest
Renee

Hey Sam! 🙂

Thank You for sharing your new realization.

I do believe that you are ONLY sacrificing something if you perceive that you are.

Love to you.

Lydia julius
Guest
Lydia julius

Wow! This is beautiful. Renee, i must confess you are a saviour. You have just saved my relationship from collapsing. I never knew i had been wrong for blaming my fiance every time. I can see reasons he’s withdrawing. This article is really an eye opener. Thanks.

Renee
Guest
Renee

Hi Lydia,

No, I’m not the savior – YOU are the one saving your relationship. Thank You for your commitment in doing so. We need more women like you out there.

Blessings to you.

Renee.

Maha
Guest

Wow! I love this article & I agree with every word you have said!
It’s a true eye opener for me!

Thank you so much! 🙂

Elizabeth Bello
Guest
Elizabeth Bello

After reading “The Fastest Way To Push A Man Away” made a lot of sense because I was able to see things from a different point of view and really made me think about what I had done in the past. If we are always being told negative things eventually we will stop trying to do things better because it will never be good enough and we give up. If we are constantly being told positive things we want to better ourselves and make the relationship work because we feel good about ourselves and how we feel when we are… Read more »

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