Article updated 2018

My question to you is this: is it true that your boyfriend or husband takes you for granted and only makes time for you when it suits him? Or is it that it’s too easy for you to feel like you are not special? (Click here to get your “Goddess Report”)

In other words; are you making up the story that he only fits you in when it’s convenient for him, in your head?

Here’s why I ask: feminine women seek attention; we thrive on it and we need it to feel feminine (many women will sell their souls for some attention from men) – BUT it’s not always beneficial for women to seek it out because it’s a dead end trap; most attention is cheap and short-lived. It can come and go as fast as it comes.

So maybe the truth is that YOU have a RULE about how much attention you OUGHT to receive in order to feel loved?

And, that is very dangerous. To you. The more rules you have for how you feel loved, the less love you will find.

How many people are you going to let go of because you are more like a 10 year old girl in a relationship who stomps her feet in fear when a man appears to actually have a life outside of you? (Why can’t I be loved for who I am?)

And how long are you going to pretend that you cannot already exist AS love, radiating love and warmth, WHENEVER you choose to, and not have your happiness dependent upon how much attention other people can give you?

Here’s the truth: Maybe, you have more spare time than he does. Maybe, you get bored more easily. Maybe he is more active than you are and enjoys always doing things and you’re more of a home body.

Here’s a fundamental truth about men: they don’t have that much attention to give you. And if you want him to give you attention, you need to train him to do that by positively reinforcing him when he does give you attention.

Eg: he FINALLY calls you – what you DON’T do is say: “OMG, FINALLY you call.” This is a major downer for him to hear/feel from you.

He doesn’t notice the time; he’s busy, he’s working, he’s focused, he’s being a man; all those things that actually cause you to be attracted to him. Remind yourself of that.

I’m here to suggest something important to you: that you actually just want a man who is truly PRESENT with you. Who is intensely masculine, who owns himself and gives you deep attention, not cheap attention. But to GET that, guess what? You must be the other half of the equation. This kind of quality presence from a man demands a high quality and highly evolved kind of feminine energy (the type where you choose to exist as love even when you feel UNloved).

Would you agree?

(What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…)

If it really IS true…

There’s another side to this problem. Maybe a man really IS only letting you in his life when it suits him. It happens, and it happens a lot, to a lot of women. It’s happened in my own life. As I’ve said before, sometimes, we really are somebody else’s back-up option.

But  this is usually obvious; because usually what happens is he keeps other women around, talks, calls and texts other women, you guys break up and when those women are off the radar, he asks for you back, and you go back – sometimes because secretly, you don’t feel that you have many other options (You DO).

I wanted to ask; do you really believe that he is only making time for you when it suits him?

If you do, and you STILL want to be with him – then it’s time to make him feel a sense of loss. This is not selfish, it’s something you have to do with everyone in your life. Friends, relatives, co-workers…we are ANIMALS….we are going to take things for granted, not because we are bad people, but because someone up there, or evolution (whatever you believe in), made us that way.

It’s our own responsibility to train others to value us. We are not babies, we are responsible adults, aware and conscious of our own relationships and aware of our own ability to SHAPE our relationships and teach others to value us. (Click here to take the quiz on “How High Value High Status am I on Facebook?”)

On the odd occasion in life, we might find someone who is evolved enough to not take us for granted, and actually values the idea of not allowing him or herself to take you for granted. These people are rarer than rare. I’ve only met one; my husband. But my boyfriends before him were not that way.

How do you make a man feel a sense of loss?

You stop being desperate for his attention, and fill up your need for attention elsewhere.

That’s the first step.

The next step is to NOT respond when he “comes back” out of convenience. Make him work for what you guys have together.

People WILL come back to you if you are/were High Value enough in the first place. If you added enough value to their lives, they will fight for you. They will feel loss. It’s natural and it’s human nature. 

NOTE: I didn’t say” DON’T RESPOND. I also didn’t say REJECT HIM. I said: don’t respond WHEN he comes back out of convenience. When is he coming back out of convenience? How would you know? You may not know to start off with; but you will learn through life experience and through having the courage to be present with your own thoughts and actually looking at the situation objectively, putting all anger aside.

Look; there’s a difference between doing this from a nasty, malicious place. I am well aware that 90% of women who read this dating advice will jump up and down and go ‘yay!!” and think this is PAYBACK and ignore that man out of a feeling of payback for the terrible feelings they feel about not being put first.

I don’t intend this advice for those women.

I intend it for you.

Do it because you KNOW something about human beings; that we will, from time to time, accidentally take people for granted, we will get self involved, that men might do that to you. and just like the mammals that we are, we need to be pulled in to line by a well-meaning lover, or friend who cares enough to preserve the value of the relationship by not being available when the other person is contacting us out of convenience.

This is what I would want my own friends to do. Indeed, my man does it for me, and I respect that.

The final part of the puzzle is: are you courageous enough to actually train others in what it feels like to lose you?

Because many of us aren’t. We fear we don’t have other options, if we were to be too unavailable for one particular person. We fear that they would hate us and leave us. Well, sometimes, they’re going to hate us. Again, we are animals. We’re not logical, ever-so-perfect mammals. Anyone can hate you whenever they want, without notice. Even you hate yourself sometimes, don’t you? But you are not dying from it are you?

If you’re not, then why not give this a go?

If you want to get a better understanding of how to understand men, click here to check out our Understanding Men Program. Or check out the rest of our programs by clicking this link. 

Have you ever done this with a man you were dating? Maybe you’ve done it to a friend? Have you got any reminders/tips for other women on how to do this with dignity and self respect? 

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

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P.S. Connect with me on social media.

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I'm Not FooledRenee Wadeaschloch12Maya PinyonMotor King Recent comment authors
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Maya Pinyon
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Maya Pinyon

Of course the man may just be a narcissistic selfish jerk who needs to be kicked like a bad habit?

meme
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meme

I have been with my partner for 6 years and he done cross some boundaries that shouldn’t be cross. I give him the benefit of the doubt. I feel like he doesn’t respect me n my feelings because im way to nice. When he hurts my feelings he plays the victim and turn it around n make me feel like I’ve done something wrong. So when i call he ignores me and want pick up no matter how many times i call n text. I threaten him every time he hurt me n say im done but i always accept… Read more »

I'm Not Fooled
Guest
I'm Not Fooled

Be that nice to a more deserving man!

Marissa Hornaday
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Marissa Hornaday

Hi Renee. I was dating a guy for about two months when he asked me to be his girlfriend. He then got news that he might be moving to Japan for work and told me that it wasn’t the right time to pursue anything. However, he continued talking to me as if I were his girlfriend and I let it happen because I was holding onto the hope that I would be one day. It was a constant roller coaster, wondering what to say to him, how to act, etc. And on top of it, it was a long distance… Read more »

Paul
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Paul

Clearly he is stringing you along, dump him fast

I'm Not Fooled
Guest
I'm Not Fooled

You are not missing him! You are just feeling needy and he is not your answer.

Heilwig Fuhrmann
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Heilwig Fuhrmann

\I am another individual that Obudun Magonata awesome has reached. A lot of us have desired love, wealth, luck and all but it always a step too far to reach or the chance never come our way and then it all became a dream nothing more that just a dream. Obudun Magonata the greatest enchanter i have ever known because he is the only one i know helped transform my dream into reality he helped me with an enchantment that made the one that i love find his love for me after wait forever in love with him. We’ve been… Read more »

Lyd
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Lyd

Today, I want to use this opportunity to tell everyone about Dr igbodo of {igbodospiritualtemple@gmail.com}, on how he help me reunited with my husband after 2 months of divorce.My husband divorce me because he saw another woman in his office and he said to me that he is no longer in love with me anymore and decide to divorce me.I seek help from the Net and i saw good talk about Dr agbuza and i contact him and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me which i use to get my husband back within 2… Read more »

Myanna
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Myanna

Thank you. That’s advice really made me realize a lot. And now im not as stressed. I’ve been with my bf for about a year now, he moved in with me about 3 months ago, things were going great, I got attention, and felt appreciated. Then about 8 weeks ago i found out i was pregnant, and my hormones are all weird. My bf doesn’t give me any attention anymore, i’m lucky if i get one kiss, (peck) the whole day. He does not want to have sex anymore, nor even cuddle, I’m always getting mad at him before and… Read more »

Laura Lee
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Laura Lee

How is everything today Myanna?

Paul
Guest
Paul

Sorry he moved in so you could be his move in maid and to save money, and he has someone else on the side he will soon make his number.

Fraya
Guest
Fraya

I had some of the same feelings when i became pregnant and again after having the baby. I know you are doing alot and are overwhelmed buy hormones and thoughts of being a single mother. Remember some guys are weird when it comes to having sex with the women carring theyre child. Even if they know its not harmful. Also… Has it occured to you that maybe you getting pregnant so quickly has scared him? Have you put yourself in his shoes? If i had just moved in with someone i would think of that as our trail period, trail… Read more »

Nana Lita
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Nana Lita

Next time he comes home late. You just stay gone. Take the kids to your friend or your parent and have a good time for yourself without your boyfriend. Have a trip with the kid. When he comes home and sees you everytime waiting for him. He will assume that you will just nag but he will do it again. But when he comes and you aren’t there. He will wonder

aschloch12
Guest
aschloch12

What is the Feminine Woman going to Say?????

BOW DOWN TO YOUR MAN? AMAZING!!!

Renee Wade
Guest

You’re awesome.

I'm Not Fooled
Guest
I'm Not Fooled

Sounds like he wanted a mother! Not mutual responsibility!

Reena
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Reena

can u help me in saving my relationship – Please

seema
Guest
seema

I need to share many things, I need your help else I will lose myself soon…

seema
Guest
seema

I need your help…

Miss_hollykins
Guest
Miss_hollykins

Great :), this is just the type of article I needed to read! Not just with men, but with people in genural.

It’s funny because every time I walk away from a situation, I end up loosing out, but not anymore! Because I can feel my fighting spirit kicking in!

Now I feel that I can say whatever I want to others and it really won’t make any difference whether others go or stay, as I’d much rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not.

Nora
Guest
Nora

Renee can you elaborate more on how exactly to make him feel this sense of loss? I am confused: you say don’t respond “when” he comes back out of convenience. I can totally see what you are saying, I am just not sure how to carry it out literally. If I don’t respond then isn’t that ignoring him? I am not sure how to talk to him if I am not supposed to reject or ignore him but I am supposed to “not respond” Could you give examples of dialogue?

Martha
Guest
Martha

Hi Rene, I never listened to any type of relationship advise when I was younger because I thought my romantic life was so unique that no one could know better. My two long term relationships with younger men not only left me older and lonely, but very confused and still ignorant regarding relationships. The first time I felt frightened about love was when I accepted that I didn’t know how to keep in my life someone I love so much… not only I didn’t know but I helped pushing the relationship its unavoidable end… I was in the middle of… Read more »

FunnyMe
Guest
FunnyMe

Oh man.. this article hits the spot. I met a man almost a year ago and we started dating. Everything was great and moving along at what I thought was a serious relationship pace. I was wrong. I started noticing that he would be texting all of the time and would check his phone a lot. My first instinct is that he was seeing someone else. But why would he check in front of me? He is VERY career driven and cannot seem to stop thinking about work even when we are together trying to watch a movie. We broke… Read more »

Anita
Guest
Anita

Honey if he’s not ready for a serious relationship right now, I guess all you can do is decide if you love him enough to wait for the long haul.
If not, like you said, it hurts you to be with him when the situation makes you feel a convenience. I’d say in this case use Renee’s advice and find a way to be a giver and not a pleaser.

Paul
Guest
Paul

Do not wait for him it is not your job to give the time to grow up.

Ali
Guest
Ali

If your parents were both 6s, your mother could have spent her 20s hooking up with 8s – but your father couldn’t have. Young women days often do that these days. However, when these women reach their late 20s / 30s they will have to drop back down to dating 6s if they want to secure commitment. This process is difficult to accept because after 10 years of hooking-up with 8s she will have to realize that in fact she was only a 6 the whole time (the same applies for 5s hooking up with 7s, 4s with 6s etc).… Read more »

Paul
Guest
Paul

First get out the numbers game it is silly when guys do it and worse when a woman does it. Ladies if a real want to spend time with you he will show it, and try to date you and court you. It does not mattet if he has to travel to come see you and bee with, he will make the effort because you a worth to him.

Nana Lita
Guest
Nana Lita

It’s natural that people choose to date someone that they find “attractive”. So when women date 8s even she is 6s then she overrated her looks. But when a man prefer 8s but he is 5 it’s ok for you right? These pick up artist numbers might be a one person perspective. Attractiveness varied

Paul
Guest
Paul

Your were just an option to him, second or third position at best

pawni gupta
Guest
pawni gupta

Its been couples of month…. I m being ignored a lot… Bt now i realise dat m over reacting…. He still dsnt cal me daily bt tym to tym hv cntct wid me nd meets me…
Thanku for making me feel nrml nd back again 🙂

Paul
Guest
Paul

A real guy does not need to talk to you every day, if he is setting up dates on the regular and you both talk a lot stop rushing it

I'm Not Fooled
Guest
I'm Not Fooled

Do you REALLY know what he is all about and do you accept that? Men don’t just fall into love, they may fall into sex or lust. But smart men add women into their lives, because they believe that she will be worth it and it’s the right timing. Some men never grow up! One is emotions – which women do best – and the other is logic. We need the balance.

mcharm
Guest
mcharm

Hi Renee, I thought at first I would join your courses, to get my ex back, but the more I read your findings, the more I realize that this is about getting back me, and finding the High Value Woman inside of me. If my ex comes back it is not through my desperate attempts at getting him back as I was doing before, but because he wants to be back. It is confusing him, my new behaviour of being nice to him, fun but not expecting anything or any love. Before everytime I saw him, I would be expressing… Read more »

ingrid
Guest
ingrid

I have a huge question but i dont know who to ask.i feel that your perfect. How do you do it. My boyfriend and me have been together for 2 years and you know the begining of the relationship was great he would see me all the timw althought he waS busy. Now i feel just taking for granted i read this but i find this hard because if i were to this it would just make him angry and fight. I dont see him that offten and when i do he would watch maybe a movie and then leave… Read more »

Paul
Guest
Paul

Guys date to advance the relationship that means taking you out at least once a week unless you want to see him more often. And we make time for those we really want to be with

PA
Guest
PA

“Never Allow Someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” MARK TWAIN

Motor King
Guest
Motor King

Thanks for reminder!

sarah
Guest
sarah

hey!! I fell in love wid a guy a few months back..!! we both wer vry happy… aftr a few days he started giving excusessaying his parents gt to knw n all… n recently he says he wants to break up wid me cuz he thinks I started bitching abt him..!! we both wer best friends before n now he refuses to evn b my frnd.. he says he wants to focuss more on his career n stuff..!!! I don wanna let go of this guy.. I love him a lot.. plzz help!!!

Paul
Guest
Paul

Sweetie you are no longer a challenge to him, you gave him everything he wanted from you too quick.

I'm Not Fooled
Guest
I'm Not Fooled

He was trying you out, like you were trying him out and you liked it and then he didn’t. So like is shared here, you need to become high value so he or whomever else comes along will find something to stay around for.

nabiha
Guest
nabiha

hey please i need your help!

Bella
Guest
Bella

I’m at a totally different situation.. I was married for 10 years before I got divorced. It has been 2 yrs since then and dated guys and recently met an amazing, great man. He is 26 and I’m 30. He has accepted I have 3 wonderful kids as he also has 2 of his own. Things were going great but a bit too fast. We started seeing eachother from weekends to 3-4 times per week to almost everyday. I was so emotionally and physically attached to him and he complains he doesn’t see me much. I recently started feeling like… Read more »

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