In order to know what to do when he takes you for granted, you first have to figure out the reason or context for him taking you for granted.
The problem you’re currently experiencing in your relationship with your man can’t be boiled down to just “he takes me for granted”.
There needs to be a context before we decided what to do about the problem.
This means that together we need to establish where your relationship is actually at, and the possible reasons for him taking you for granted.
Without context, you could end up doing some very bad things in your relationship.
Bad things? Why bad things?
Because without understanding context and reasons for his actions, it’s easy to react out of fear and resentment.
Also, because when you think of what to do when your man takes you for granted, it’s very easy to take the low road, rather than the high road.
This may be due to some cheap advice given to you be well-meaning girlfriends.
Or it may be due to some cheap advice out there on the internet, compelling you to punish a guy as your first response.
Cheap, thoughtless advice will often be the beginning of the end of your relationship. Not just this relationship, but the next one and the next one.
When he takes you for granted, just ignore him?
Here are some examples of damaging advice when he takes you for granted.
“Ignore a guy who takes you for granted.”
“Teach him a lesson when he takes you for granted.”
“When he takes you for granted ignore him.”
All of them sound great to the childish impulses inside of us.
But the part of you that has the capacity to carry yourself with class, and to take the high road, would frown upon such punitive behaviour.
So, before you go ahead and think about how you can just ignore your boyfriend (in other words, punish him), ask yourself if you’d like him to punish you.
If the tables were turned, how would him intending to punish you make you feel?
Ask yourself if the evolved, smart, and compassionate part of you would approve of this approach?
Because as someone who has been there, I can tell you that it does nothing but cause more damage, hurt and pain to a man.
And for no real reason, other than you want the feeling of revenge and power.
No quality relationship is built on power trips
Always remember that no quality relationship or connection is built on power trips.
Yes, I’ve been there, done that. I’ve done the whole punishing thing. And looking back now, I regret the pain I caused him.
I regret how low I stooped. We women always talk about having “standards” for our men.
But what about having standards for how WE treat men?
Is one more important than the other?
Yes. One is more important than the other. Our standard for ourselves is far more important.
Because it dictates the quality of man we attract into our lives.
If we try to build relationships based on power trips, we will attract nothing better than that in return. It’s simply the rule of reciprocity.
What if he’s ignoring you out of malice?
Look. If he’s been downright nasty and abusive to you, then I understand your desire to get revenge.
If your soul tells you that the best thing to do is to punish him for deliberately trying to hurt you, then do it.
But don’t make the mistake of assuming bad intent in his actions when you can’t even be sure he had bad intent!
Don’t be trying to teach him a lesson for the sake of it when he takes you for granted. Since perhaps the problem is more due to a normal conflict or a gross miscommunication between you both.
Or perhaps he doesn’t take you for granted due to a miscommunication…
But moreso because as a masculine soul, (a man with a masculine essence), his default behaviour is inherently in contradiction with your values as a feminine woman!
If you are really concerned that your man is deliberately trying to hurt you and damage your self esteem, see this article on the 6 behaviours you should never tolerate in a man.
Figure out why he’s taking you for granted first
My question to you is this: is it true that your boyfriend or husband takes you for granted?
Is it true that he only makes time for you when it suits him?
Or is it that your needs and desires at this point in time are clashing with his?
Or is it perhaps that it’s too easy for you to feel like you are not special?
Here’s why I’m asking.
It’s because when you think to yourself “he takes me for granted”, there’s three possible reasons for him taking you for granted.
Why does he take me for granted?
The 3 reasons he takes you for granted…
Yes, there are three possible issues at hand, and you need to get an idea of which one applies to you right now.
That’s the first thing you must do.
Reason 1: He doesn’t actually want a committed relationship with you, but still keeps you around, giving you crumbs.
If you suspect this could be the exact situation you’re in, I have an article explaining why he keeps you around if he doesn’t want a relationship.
I suggest you go read that and take things from there. If you are unsure if this is your situation but want to find out if you could be, I have the answer…
I have another article that could help you distinguish if you might be in this situation, and the title is: 6 burning signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
Reason 2: You’re in a relationship or marriage, and he doesn’t actually take you for granted. You just assume he does, based on your own rules for how he “should” be acting.
In fact, you know what? Perhaps his actions have more to do with the fact that he has masculine biases in his behaviour.
In other words, his actions may seem “unromantic”, “value-taking”, “lazy” or like he’s taking you for granted to you as a woman.
However, the truth may be that he’s just not aware or able to perceive your needs. If he was aware, he’d do more to meet those needs.
Reason 3: You’re in a relationship or marriage, and he is just out of resources.
What this means is that his resources are spent elsewhere. Maybe he’s exhausted.
Maybe his resources are spent on building a business or on rising stress levels at his job.
Perhaps he has family problems, problems with his ex, his children, or even his health!
This leaves far less energy for courting you and being romantic with you!
Before we discuss these three reasons further, let me establish something about the feminine bias you have within you (that men may very well just not UNDERSTAND!)
Feminine woman seek attention by default
So, are you making up the story that he only fits you in when it’s convenient for him, in your head?
Here’s why I ask: feminine women seek attention. We thrive on it and we need it to feel feminine (some women will sell their souls for some attention from men).
BUT it’s not always beneficial for women to seek it out, because it’s a dead end trap. Most attention is cheap and short-lived. It can disappear as fast as it comes.
So maybe the truth is that you have a rule about how much attention you OUGHT to receive in order to feel loved?
And, that is very dangerous. To you.
The more rules you have for how you feel loved, the less love you will find.
Here’s the truth: Maybe, you have more spare time than he does.
Maybe, you get bored more easily. Maybe he is more active and outdoorsy than you are, and enjoys always doing things and you’re more of a home body.
Maybe he is a masculine man who can only “get” that you need more from him when you express high value vulnerability.
Here’s a fundamental truth about many men: they don’t have that much attention to give you. Usually because they aren’t women and don’t intuitively “get” a woman’s need for attention, company and attachment.
The masculine man’s equilibrium is different to a feminine woman’s equilibrium!
And if you want him to give you attention, you need to train him to do that by positively reinforcing him when he does give you attention.
Eg: he finally calls you – what you DON’T do is say in a resentful voice: “OMG, finally you called.”
This is a major downer for him to hear/feel from you.
He doesn’t notice the time; he’s busy, he’s working, he’s focused, and he’s being a man. You know – all those things that actually cause you to be attracted to him. Remind yourself that.
Do you know the dark art of “High Value Banter” that helps you quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”? CLICK HERE to learn how in this free class.
Maybe what you want is his quality presence, not lots of attention
I’m here to suggest something important to you: that maybe you actually just want a man who is truly PRESENT with you.
You want a man who is intensely masculine, who owns himself and gives you deep attention, not cheap attention.
But to GET that, guess what?
You must be the other half of the equation.
What’s the other half of the equation?
It’s you having a highly evolved kind of feminine energy (the type where you choose to exist as love, even when you feel unloved).
Would you agree?
A toddler might scream and cry when they don’t get attention. (In fact, not even my 7 or 4 year old sons do this anymore, and they are that young!)
As an adult, if a guy does care about you, and you still hold on to your desire to punish him for taking you for granted, that’s problematic.
It is no different to a baby screaming for attention.
If you want real presence from a guy, then gives your presence first.
LEAD with value, rather than trying to gain power over him. Especially when he very sincerely may not be trying to cause you hurt AT ALL.
(What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…)
If it really IS true…
There’s another side to this problem.
Maybe a man really IS only letting you in his life when it suits him. Maybe your thought is true; that “he only sees me when it’s convenient for him”.
Remember the first problem we talked about before? Where a man just gives you crumbs?
Yeah. It happens, and it happens a lot, to a lot of women.
It’s happened in my own life. As I’ve said before, sometimes, we really are somebody else’s back-up option.
But this should usually be pretty obvious to you if this is really what is happening.
Here’s what I mean by an obvious cycle. He talks, calls and texts other women. You guys go on “a break” or break up, and when those women are off the radar, he asks for you back.
You go back – sometimes because secretly, you don’t feel that you have many other options (You DO).
Ok so serious question now. Do you really believe that he only EVER makes time for you when it suits him?
Do you believe that he doesn’t actually care about you?
Do you believe that he’s not emotionally committed to you?
If yes, then you may be in a situation where you’re his ‘one of many’ type of woman, and not his ‘one and only’ woman.
Once you’re the one of many woman, that is very hard for you to change.
As such, there’s no benefit in trying to punish him, because he may likely never emotionally commit to you!
You’re better off cutting him loose.
If you’d like to learn more about what it takes to be categorised by men as the ‘one and only’ woman rather than the ‘one of many’, find out more here.
If however, you think your man does love you and is generally emotionally committed to you, then perhaps there’s other reasons why he is taking you for granted.
Perhaps what you need to do instead is to make him miss you.
This is not selfish, it’s something you have to do with everyone in your life.
It is natural for humans to take people for granted: here’s why…
Another inconvenient truth. Are you ready?
It’s normal for us all to take people for granted. Why?
Because it allows us to conserve valuable energy.
Just because your guy is taking you for granted, or perhaps you assume “he only contacts me when it suits him”….doesn’t mean he is a bad guy.
It could mean that this is the natural order of things.
In the beginning of a romantic relationship, he is romantic with you and chases you, and at some point, that chasing and romantic gestures has to stop.
You do the same thing. You change, too! It’s very normal.
A guy simply cannot be chasing you as intensely as he did at the beginning forever and still function as a normal, productive member of society!
Does this mean you should tolerate him never putting in any effort? Perhaps not.
But it does mean that taking friends and lovers for granted is a part of the deal.
It’s a natural progression of every relationship.
Try to remember that our energy is finite, therefore we cannot focus intensely on one person at 100% capacity, 100% of the time!
So, friends, relatives, co-workers…we are going to take things for granted, not because we are bad people! But because someone up there, or evolution (whatever you believe in), made us that way.
How to avoid your boyfriend taking you for granted
…You have to teach him to value you more. Not just him, but others too.
When you teach him to value you more, you’re sending the message that there are other places in which you can invest your time (that would be more valuable to you as a woman).
No, I’m not talking about using the strategy of rotational dating, because I don’t believe in that particular strategy.
I’m talking about valuing your own time more, first!
If you want to teach him to value you more, start by valuing your own time more.
Yes, you can walk away when he takes you for granted. Not because you’re trying to get revenge, but because you believe in your soul that your time is worth more.
It’s our own responsibility to train others to value us.
We are not babies. We are responsible adults.
We are aware and conscious of our own relationships, and aware of our own ability to SHAPE our relationships and teach others to value us. (Click here to take the quiz on “How High Value High Status am I on Facebook?”)
And we don’t do that by punishing a guy or ignoring him. This just erodes the trust in that relationship.
Instead, you can do some things that would actually add value to your life or to your relationship.
You can add value at the same time as giving him the gift of missing you, or making him feel a sense of loss.
How do you make a man feel a sense of loss?
If you’re wondering how to make him feel a sense of loss, or how you can make him miss you badly…you can study the 5 simple steps to make him miss you…
And something simple you can do right now is to stop being desperate for his attention. Start to fill up your need for attention elsewhere.
That’s the first step.
If order for your relationship to be healthy, you need to have a solid identity outside of the relationship.
So, it will pay off for you to think about how you can develop that sense of identity, now.
Look for a passion or a purpose that adds to your value as a woman. Could you take up some new hobbies or passions? Here are 27 hobbies for women you could look at taking up.
how to Add value to yourself to increase attraction
We’ve talked a little bit about how you can add value to your life (finding a sense of identity outside of the relationship, valuing your own time more, and having passions).
How do you add value to yourself?
You could add value to yourself by learning how to banter, so that you can increase his feelings of attraction to you and excitement about you.
Banter is one of the best ways to connect with a man, because it allows you to open doors to deeper talks without pressure first.
You can also add value to yourself by testing him. Testing him allows you to feel where he’s at and figure him out!
The next step is to test him.
If you think he’s just coming back for convenient sex, then test him!
In fact, my husband has a one-liner that is very good for testing a man. It’s called an attraction pebble (a pebble that you can throw that makes you look high value and not desperate). Find out what this test is here.
What’s a quick test you can use, you ask?
Tell him you cannot have sex right now, you have had a bad day, but will he keep you company anyway?
Find out how far he’s willing to come if sex isn’t in the picture. Make him work for what you guys have together.
A man will fight for you if you add value
People WILL come back to you if you are/were high value enough in the first place.
If you added enough value to their lives, they will fight for you. They will feel loss. It’s natural and it’s human nature.
So you may be wondering, how would you know if and when is he coming back out of convenience?
Well, you may not know to start off with.
But you will learn through life experience and through having the courage to be attuned to a guy.
Attunement will allow you to feel for his intent and for what he’s actually going through in his life.
Your intent matters…
Look; there’s a difference between doing this from a nasty, malicious place and doing it from a place where you want to make sure that he values your time together outside of sex.
I am well aware that many women who read this dating advice will jump up and down and go “yay!! This is PAYBACK!”.
I don’t intend this advice for those women.
I intend it for you.
Do it because you you want to add value and because you KNOW something about human beings.
Do it because you know that we will, from time to time, accidentally take people for granted, we will get self involved, or distracted in our lives.
Just like the mammals that we are, we need to be pulled in to line by a well-meaning lover, or friend who cares.
Someone who cares enough to preserve the value of the relationship by not letting you treat it as a convenient place to just go to “take” value.
If you want to get a better understanding of men, click here to check out the 5 insights on men to ease your worries.
Summary & Where to go from here?
- Figure out why (find a context) for why he might be taking you for granted.
- Ask yourself if he’s taking you for granted or if your rules for how he should act are getting in the way.
- If he’s really taking you for granted or stringing you along, read my article on 6 burning signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
- Know that we all take people for granted, and he’s not necessarily a bad guy.
- Take responsibility for teaching him to value you more.
Have you ever felt taken for granted with a man you were dating?
Have you got any reminders/tips for other women on how to deal with this situation with dignity and self respect?
(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new program, “Becoming His One & Only”. Click HERE to get yourself a copy!)
If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.
By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.