My question to you is this: is it true that your boyfriend or husband takes you for granted and only makes time for you when it suits him? Or is it that it’s too easy for you to feel like you are not special? (Click here to get your “Goddess Report”)

In other words; are you making up the story that he only fits you in when it’s convenient for him, in your head?

Here’s why I ask: feminine women seek attention; we thrive on it and we need it to feel feminine (many women will sell their souls for some attention from men) – BUT it’s not always beneficial for women to seek it out because it’s a dead end trap; most attention is cheap and short-lived. It can come and go as fast as it comes.

So maybe the truth is that YOU have a RULE about how much attention you OUGHT to receive in order to feel loved?

And, that is very dangerous. To you. The more rules you have for how you feel loved, the less love you will find.

How many people are you going to let go of because you are more like a 10 year old girl in a relationship who stomps her feet in fear when a man appears to actually have a life outside of you? (Why can’t I be loved for who I am?)

And how long are you going to pretend that you cannot already exist AS love, radiating love and warmth, WHENEVER you choose to, and not have your happiness dependent upon how much attention other people can give you?

Here’s the truth: Maybe, you have more spare time than he does. Maybe, you get bored more easily. Maybe he is more active than you are and enjoys always doing things and you’re more of a home body.

Here’s a fundamental truth about men: they don’t have that much attention to give you. And if you want him to give you attention, you need to train him to do that by positively reinforcing him when he does give you attention.

Eg: he FINALLY calls you – what you DON’T do is say: “OMG, FINALLY you call.” This is a major downer for him to hear/feel from you.

He doesn’t notice the time; he’s busy, he’s working, he’s focused, he’s being a man; all those things that actually cause you to be attracted to him. Remind yourself of that.

I’m here to suggest something important to you: that you actually just want a man who is truly PRESENT with you. Who is intensely masculine, who owns himself and gives you deep attention, not cheap attention. But to GET that, guess what? You must be the other half of the equation. This kind of quality presence from a man demands a high quality and highly evolved kind of feminine energy (the type where you choose to exist as love even when you feel UNloved).

Would you agree?

If it really IS true…

There’s another side to this problem. Maybe a man really IS only letting you in his life when it suits him. It happens, and it happens a lot, to a lot of women. It’s happened in my own life. As I’ve said before, sometimes, we really are somebody else’s back-up option.

But  this is usually obvious; because usually what happens is he keeps other women around, talks, calls and texts other women, you guys break up and when those women are off the radar, he asks for you back, and you go back – sometimes because secretly, you don’t feel that you have many other options (You DO).

I wanted to ask; do you really believe that he is only making time for you when it suits him?

If you do, and you STILL want to be with him – then it’s time to make him feel a sense of loss. This is not selfish, it’s something you have to do with everyone in your life. Friends, relatives, co-workers…we are ANIMALS….we are going to take things for granted, not because we are bad people, but because someone up there, or evolution (whatever you believe in), made us that way.

It’s our own responsibility to train others to value us. We are not babies, we are responsible adults, aware and conscious of our own relationships and aware of our own ability to SHAPE our relationships and teach others to value us. (Click here to take the quiz on “How High Value High Status am I on Facebook?”)

On the odd occasion in life, we might find someone who is evolved enough to not take us for granted, and actually values the idea of not allowing him or herself to take you for granted. These people are rarer than rare. I’ve only met one; my husband. But my boyfriends before him were not that way.

How do you make a man feel a sense of loss?

You stop being desperate for his attention, and fill up your need for attention elsewhere.

That’s the first step.

The next step is to NOT respond when he “comes back” out of convenience. Make him work for what you guys have together.

People WILL come back to you if you are/were High Value enough in the first place. If you added enough value to their lives, they will fight for you. They will feel loss. It’s natural and it’s human nature. 

NOTE: I didn’t say” DON’T RESPOND. I also didn’t say REJECT HIM. I said: don’t respond WHEN he comes back out of convenience. When is he coming back out of convenience? How would you know? You may not know to start off with; but you will learn through life experience and through having the courage to be present with your own thoughts and actually looking at the situation objectively, putting all anger aside.

Look; there’s a difference between doing this from a nasty, malicious place. I am well aware that 90% of women who read this dating advice will jump up and down and go ‘yay!!” and think this is PAYBACK and ignore that man out of a feeling of payback for the terrible feelings they feel about not being put first.

I don’t intend this advice for those women.

I intend it for you.

Do it because you KNOW something about human beings; that we will, from time to time, accidentally take people for granted, we will get self involved, that men might do that to you. and just like the mammals that we are, we need to be pulled in to line by a well-meaning lover, or friend who cares enough to preserve the value of the relationship by not being available when the other person is contacting us out of convenience.

This is what I would want my own friends to do. Indeed, my man does it for me, and I respect that.

The final part of the puzzle is: are you courageous enough to actually train others in what it feels like to lose you?

Because many of us aren’t. We fear we don’t have other options, if we were to be too unavailable for one particular person. We fear that they would hate us and leave us. Well, sometimes, they’re going to hate us. Again, we are animals. We’re not logical, ever-so-perfect mammals. Anyone can hate you whenever they want, without notice. Even you hate yourself sometimes, don’t you? But you are not dying from it are you?

If you’re not, then why not give this a go?

If you want to get a better understanding of how to understand men, click here to check out our Understanding Men Program. Or check out the rest of our programs by clicking this link. 

Have you ever done this with a man you were dating? Maybe you’ve done it to a friend? Have you got any reminders/tips for other women on how to do this with dignity and self respect? 

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I'm Not FooledRenee Wadeaschloch12Maya PinyonMotor King Recent comment authors
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Maya Pinyon
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Maya Pinyon

Of course the man may just be a narcissistic selfish jerk who needs to be kicked like a bad habit?

meme
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meme

I have been with my partner for 6 years and he done cross some boundaries that shouldn’t be cross. I give him the benefit of the doubt. I feel like he doesn’t respect me n my feelings because im way to nice. When he hurts my feelings he plays the victim and turn it around n make me feel like I’ve done something wrong. So when i call he ignores me and want pick up no matter how many times i call n text. I threaten him every time he hurt me n say im done but i always accept… Read more »

I'm Not Fooled
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I'm Not Fooled

Be that nice to a more deserving man!

Marissa Hornaday
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Marissa Hornaday

Hi Renee. I was dating a guy for about two months when he asked me to be his girlfriend. He then got news that he might be moving to Japan for work and told me that it wasn’t the right time to pursue anything. However, he continued talking to me as if I were his girlfriend and I let it happen because I was holding onto the hope that I would be one day. It was a constant roller coaster, wondering what to say to him, how to act, etc. And on top of it, it was a long distance… Read more »

Paul
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Paul

Clearly he is stringing you along, dump him fast

I'm Not Fooled
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I'm Not Fooled

You are not missing him! You are just feeling needy and he is not your answer.

Gelina Mattson
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Gelina Mattson

We all have different reasons why those of us who contacted Akpe Osilama to help us make our faithful to us some of us did it for lover, because of their children or health condition or even because they wanted not to be alone. For me it was non of those though i love my husband and don’t want to raise our teens alone . The reason why i contacted Akpe Osilama to help me with a spell truly was because my husband was running for one of the seats in the Riksdag,the national legislative body of Sweden. Now i… Read more »

Rosla Loveu
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Rosla Loveu

If you have been reading comment online about this spell caster Akpe Osilama it will be easy for me to tell you this that he couldn’t get any more really that he is already. I have come to a conclusion that the gift he possess and his good heart are the strongest most powerful thing i have ever known. He is the most straight forward person and most understanding anyone can ever meet. He did not even ask for my money he just asked me to get materials that will be needed for the spell and that was it. To… Read more »

Heilwig Fuhrmann
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Heilwig Fuhrmann

\I am another individual that Obudun Magonata awesome has reached. A lot of us have desired love, wealth, luck and all but it always a step too far to reach or the chance never come our way and then it all became a dream nothing more that just a dream. Obudun Magonata the greatest enchanter i have ever known because he is the only one i know helped transform my dream into reality he helped me with an enchantment that made the one that i love find his love for me after wait forever in love with him. We’ve been… Read more »

Elizabeth Bella Jane
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Elizabeth Bella Jane

After being in relationship with morgan for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed… Read more »

Alonso Robert
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Alonso Robert

If your wondering how to regain the all you lost during your addiction mostly family and job, the first thing is to remember it my never happen! Even if you’re putting consistent effort into changing your way of thinking and living, that doesn’t necessarily mean every family member is going to be ready to dive in to a new relationship. Sometimes, a family’s trust has been unraveling over years and years. It won’t be rebuilt over night or at all.The best thing to do in early recovery is either to focus on living sober and healthy. Quitting drugs, or no… Read more »

RobertAlonso
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RobertAlonso

_If you have been reading comment online about this spell caster Obudun Magonata it will be easy for me to tell you this that he couldn’t get any more really that he is already. I have come to a conclusion that the gift he possess and his good heart are the strongest most powerful thing i have ever known. He is the most straight forward person and most understanding anyone can ever meet. He did not even ask for my money he just asked me to get materials that will be needed for the spell and that was it. To… Read more »

alic benson
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alic benson

OMG!! This is certainly a shocking and a genuine Testimony i have ever seen..I visited a forum here on the internet on the 30TH OF JUNE 2013, after my husband separated me and my marriage of 7 years was broken down and i was totally inconsolable and without hope because i have tried all means to get my husband back after much pleading and did everything possible to make sure that he comes back, but nothing worked out for me…. And i saw a marvelous testimony with this email adress akharespelltemple@gmail.com of this powerful and great spell caster called Dr… Read more »

alic benson
Guest
alic benson

OMG!! This is certainly a shocking and a genuine Testimony i have ever seen..I visited a forum here on the internet on the 30TH OF JUNE 2013, after my husband separated me and my marriage of 7 years was broken down and i was totally inconsolable and without hope because i have tried all means to get my husband back after much pleading and did everything possible to make sure that he comes back, but nothing worked out for me…. And i saw a marvelous testimony with this email adress akharespelltemple@gmail.com of this powerful and great spell caster called Dr… Read more »

alic benson
Guest
alic benson

OMG!! This is certainly a shocking and a genuine Testimony i have ever seen..I visited a forum here on the internet on the 30TH OF JUNE 2013, after my husband separated me and my marriage of 7 years was broken down and i was totally inconsolable and without hope because i have tried all means to get my husband back after much pleading and did everything possible to make sure that he comes back, but nothing worked out for me…. And i saw a marvelous testimony with this email adress akharespelltemple@gmail.com of this powerful and great spell caster called Dr… Read more »

Lyd
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Lyd

Today, I want to use this opportunity to tell everyone about Dr igbodo of {igbodospiritualtemple@gmail.com}, on how he help me reunited with my husband after 2 months of divorce.My husband divorce me because he saw another woman in his office and he said to me that he is no longer in love with me anymore and decide to divorce me.I seek help from the Net and i saw good talk about Dr agbuza and i contact him and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me which i use to get my husband back within 2… Read more »

Myanna
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Myanna

Thank you. That’s advice really made me realize a lot. And now im not as stressed. I’ve been with my bf for about a year now, he moved in with me about 3 months ago, things were going great, I got attention, and felt appreciated. Then about 8 weeks ago i found out i was pregnant, and my hormones are all weird. My bf doesn’t give me any attention anymore, i’m lucky if i get one kiss, (peck) the whole day. He does not want to have sex anymore, nor even cuddle, I’m always getting mad at him before and… Read more »

Laura Lee
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Laura Lee

How is everything today Myanna?

Paul
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Paul

Sorry he moved in so you could be his move in maid and to save money, and he has someone else on the side he will soon make his number.

Fraya
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Fraya

I had some of the same feelings when i became pregnant and again after having the baby. I know you are doing alot and are overwhelmed buy hormones and thoughts of being a single mother. Remember some guys are weird when it comes to having sex with the women carring theyre child. Even if they know its not harmful. Also… Has it occured to you that maybe you getting pregnant so quickly has scared him? Have you put yourself in his shoes? If i had just moved in with someone i would think of that as our trail period, trail… Read more »

Nana Lita
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Nana Lita

Next time he comes home late. You just stay gone. Take the kids to your friend or your parent and have a good time for yourself without your boyfriend. Have a trip with the kid. When he comes home and sees you everytime waiting for him. He will assume that you will just nag but he will do it again. But when he comes and you aren’t there. He will wonder

aschloch12
Guest
aschloch12

What is the Feminine Woman going to Say?????

BOW DOWN TO YOUR MAN? AMAZING!!!

Renee Wade
Guest

You’re awesome.

I'm Not Fooled
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I'm Not Fooled

Sounds like he wanted a mother! Not mutual responsibility!

Reena
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Reena

can u help me in saving my relationship – Please

seema
Guest
seema

I need to share many things, I need your help else I will lose myself soon…

seema
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seema

I need your help…

Miss_hollykins
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Miss_hollykins

Great :), this is just the type of article I needed to read! Not just with men, but with people in genural.

It’s funny because every time I walk away from a situation, I end up loosing out, but not anymore! Because I can feel my fighting spirit kicking in!

Now I feel that I can say whatever I want to others and it really won’t make any difference whether others go or stay, as I’d much rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not.

Nora
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Nora

Renee can you elaborate more on how exactly to make him feel this sense of loss? I am confused: you say don’t respond “when” he comes back out of convenience. I can totally see what you are saying, I am just not sure how to carry it out literally. If I don’t respond then isn’t that ignoring him? I am not sure how to talk to him if I am not supposed to reject or ignore him but I am supposed to “not respond” Could you give examples of dialogue?

Martha
Guest
Martha

Hi Rene, I never listened to any type of relationship advise when I was younger because I thought my romantic life was so unique that no one could know better. My two long term relationships with younger men not only left me older and lonely, but very confused and still ignorant regarding relationships. The first time I felt frightened about love was when I accepted that I didn’t know how to keep in my life someone I love so much… not only I didn’t know but I helped pushing the relationship its unavoidable end… I was in the middle of… Read more »

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