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Article updated 2018

Since I’ve been focusing quite a lot on the ideal man/the right man, I felt it was important to include something about being sure that he IS Mr. Right.

A couple of posts ago, I talked about writing a list for yourself on what you wanted in a man and what you don’t want in a potential partner. I also talked about BECOMING the kind of person your ideal man would want to be  in a relationship with. (Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

Well, we could do all this, be in a relationship with a wonderful man, and sometimes still have doubts about whether he IS Mr. Right. Sometimes it’s just a thought, sometimes it’s thoughts that you have after a certain incident that has happened that could potentially change the nature of the relationship or the way you see your man, or it could be something else. Perhaps you may even have met another man, and you’re confused as to whether you should leave your man for another.

I have mentioned before that SELECTION of your partner is of utmost importance. Who you’re in a relationship with is crucial to determining your happiness.

It is very rare that a person’s nature will change. By this I mean their core beliefs. This does not mean a person cannot change, of course they can. However it is rare. As humans, we really need to have a very high level of modesty and selflessness before we will change. Habits are too habitual. Recurrent pleasures are too pleasurable. If a person is used to doing something over and over, and it meets their needs, it’s a tough one to get them to change it. It’s tough to get yourself to change.

So, your man may be very capable of change. He may even have a compelling reason to change, and you could inspire that in him by changing yourself. But, just for now we will focus on and assume the responsibility ourselves for being with the right person, or being in the right kind of relationship. (read my article about the truth about words I’ve already tried that)

Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…

To become more aware of whether your partner is right for you, you will need to work out whether their value system is the same as yours. For example, I will introduce you to the 6 HUMAN NEEDS. You may already be aware of these, as they were created by the well-respected Anthony Robbins. So, for you as a feminine woman, understanding the 6 human needs can and will be vital to your success with your ideal man. They are as follows:

– CERTAINTY/COMFORT: Being able to produce or avoid stress, or the ability to increase or intensify pleasure. The need for certainty is all about survival and security.

– SIGNIFICANCE: This need is all about the need to be unique, feeling important, feeling you have a purpose, a sense of meaning, and feeling like you’re needed.

– VARIETY/UNCERTAINTY: This includes the need for excitement, difference, the element of surprise, challenges. This is in conflict with the need for certainty, as well.

LOVE AND CONNECTION: This is all about intimacy, sharing, caring, a sense of meaning, bonding, oneness, etc. (read my article about what is love?)

– GROWTH: the need to get better or be better, to be more, to feel a challenge, etc.

– CONTRIBUTION: This is all about the need to give to others. If you value this need, you value giving beyond yourself and making a difference in other people’s lives.

So, how does this all relate to knowing whether he is Mr. Right? Well, as you advance in your time together, it will be vital to establish whether or not you both value the same top 2 or 3 human needs. If your partner values significance and variety, and you value certainty and love and connection, you will have some issues!! 🙂

If you want to have a completely outstanding, loving, passionate, and happy relationship where your femininity flows, and you can be happy, you will most likely require both top 2 needs to be the same as your man’s. Even if you have one need, the same you can make it work, but it becomes a lot harder. (Click here to complete the quiz on “Are you High Value High Status on Facebook?”)

Just so you know, often in life, we value different needs at different times. So, if you are at a point in your life where you have all your certain needs met, you may value variety/uncertainty more. At a certain time when you’re feeling a little depressed, lonely, sad, unloved, etc you may value significance more. But, the point still remains. If you both have the same top 2 needs, you’re on the right track, and you CAN reignite/maintain passion and happiness.

It doesn’t matter that your valued needs may change as such because the bottom line is that we all have one or two needs that we consistently value more over time. Don’t forget to share with me your thoughts and experiences related to this matter!

Do you want to find the right man? Click here to download the 17 Attraction Triggers and discover what attracts a man.

Have a lovely day! 🙂

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Super Janice
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Super Janice

I value certainty and significance.

alicia
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alicia

I would say my top to our safety and love and connection – but I don’t know if that’s because they were missing when I was small? Perhaps if I weren’t afraid from that I would fundamentally choose others… however as a man I am not sure if I would want a man who valued safety I would want him to be brave 😉 maybe valuing significance, are you saying if he wants to be significant he might not be able to meet my need for safety? could he not enjoy being heroic and be heroic for me and combine… Read more »

Joan
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Joan

I type a lot of stuff in this blog. Most of the time I never send it. It helps me to get things off my chest. Those 6 basic human needs I had in my past relationships that didn’t work out. I don’t know if this will help someone here or not. But I needed a masculine man. The type that didn’t expect me to pay half of the date, or asked me to shovel snow, or any masculine stuff. I wanted to be loved for my sense of honesty. That I would respect him and make his lunch, stuff… Read more »

Anna
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Anna

Hey Renee,
I’ve seen you advocate that if a man has the same 2 top needs as you, the relationship will go smoothly. But what if he has only 1 top need, is it still doable? Also, one of his top 2 needs (significance) is in direct conflict with my 3rd need (love & connection), which explains a lot of the pain in our relationship. What types of ways can we navigate the waters of opposing needs such as significance vs connection and certainty vs uncertainty?

camy
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camy

🙂 I can’t stop the questions in my head 🙂 I thought about your question: ” Do I value a beautiful and pasionate relationship more than i do my own desperation for certainty?”…and my question is : if i’ m a person who has certainty as one of my top value and if i want a fulfill relatioship should i cross over my value? because what comes out of your question…is that a fulfill relatioship implies a lot of uncertaity and other values…so I’m a little confused 🙂 Or maybe i got this wrong…

camy
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camy

Or how should i even ask this…how does a person behave if they have a combination of those two values? i’ve read the coment below, but maybe you can give us some examples, on a daily basis…

camy
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camy

Hi, Renee. I am quite confused because there were times when i valued most some values…so it”s hard for me to see the 2 most important ones. And somentimes i thought i valued something, but that was just in my head…being influenced by my family or friends…in wich situations do this true values come on surface?

improve your life
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This website was… how do I say it? Relevant!
! Finally I have found something that helped me. Thanks a lot!

Olya
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Olya

love it!

Renee
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Renee

@Ms Summer: Yes, for sure, opposites attract – that’s where polarity comes in to it. And the masculine/feminine 🙂

Ms Summer
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I was wondering, reading the article, what people mean by ‘opposites attract’ – I personally thought this to be true, being fascinated by someone who is completely different from ourselves, but overall this might just be attraction then and not love? Maybe being a man and a woman in a relationship already is enough ‘opposites’ in the party:)

Jamie
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Jamie

After reading this, I asked the guy I’m kind of serious about what his top 3 needs are. We share the same second-most important value, but our first and third most important values are different. I guess we could never be truly happy. This is kind of hard to handle><

Renee
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Renee

Hey Jamie! Happy New Year! With the 6 human needs, it can be difficult to work this all out first go, because often people may not want to honestly identify themselves with valuing a certain need highly. For example, for some people it may be hard to admit they they honestly value certainty as one of their top needs. For others, it may be hard to be honest about valuing significance over something like contribution, because they may WANT to see themselves as a selfless and altruistic person, but their own limitations really stop them from valuing something like contribution.… Read more »

Anna
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Anna

This was very helpful, thanks.

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