You may have asked yourself “why do I push men away?”.
This may surprise you, but many women do push men away, and they can’t seem to even stop themselves from doing it.
I’ve also had the odd man emailing me to ask me “why is she pushing me away?”, and the answer is that it could be many things.
But if you’re a man reading this – don’t assume that this problem of her pushing you away is unique to her. You may think the grass is greener with another woman who seems more open to you. Only, when you jump ship you will come to realise that every woman pushes a man away to varying degrees at certain times.
The degree and frequency in which a woman pushes a man away depends on how much she fears abandonment, and how many good role models she’s had for how to act in relationships (especially when she’s scared).
For the man reading this: just know that if a woman pushes you away, it’s not necessarily because she wants to, or even because she’s consciously aware of what she’s doing.
It is usually due to inability to regulate her own emotions (being with a man she loves magnifies every single emotion she has, and therefore the closer she gets to him, the more out of control she feels).
The more out of control a woman feels, the more vulnerable she is to a man. And this vulnerability is extremely scary. Any honest woman would admit that to you.
Women are vulnerable creatures, by virtue of the fact that they have to bear, carry and raise babies.
The task of raising babies requires sensitivity (as a man you don’t want an insensitive woman raising your child, and any smart man would run the other way before committing to a woman who shows no sensitivity, because it’s a huge red flag in terms of her capability as a mother).
So women are very vulnerable and more sensitive in general. In fact, studies have even shown that our skin is more sensitive than men’s.
For a lot of women, it’s hard to know how to calibrate this vulnerability when getting close to a man.
Because she risks more by being sexually involved, she is much more likely to be thrown off course by unexpected strong emotions.
With this in mind, I think we should all have some appreciation for women’s emotional and physical vulnerability when considering why they push a man way.
Sure, some ways in which women push a man away are not pretty. They are downright damaging.
Notwithstanding that fact, it’s possible for us all to dislike the behaviour, whilst still understanding the intent: to protect herself.
Why Do Women Push Men Away: The Uncomfortable Reasons
…Because pushing him away is a lot better than feeling him ‘here’ with us and consequently being more vulnerable to his betrayal. Especially if we’ve been truly open and vulnerable to him.
…Because we want you to work harder for us.
…Because we are scared to trust you.
…Because outside of our natural desire for sex during/before ovulation, or the beginning or the end of a menstrual cycle, our desire for sex is lower. And during those times, sex takes a lot of energy when our bodies don’t want it.
…Because relationships take courage that we are too scared to have.
…Because some men don’t provide enough value to us in order to warrant us being very connected to them.
…Because men just don’t understand…until they do understand. And if he’s a good man, he really will understand one day.
…Because somebody else abandoned us. And pushing people away is a coping mechanism for perceived eventual hurt.
Sorry, it’s just that…abandonment hurts and as a consequence, relationships just don’t feel as ‘real’ or ‘worth it’ anymore.
…Because men are different to us. Even if women and men are both human. Men are different, and if we were honest, dealing with that is frightening sometimes.
…Because we want to feel in control. Letting go means losing control, and losing control means we’ll be judged. By women, funnily enough.
…Because having a man around might mean being more free, safe, and vulnerable. And in feeling more free, safe and vulnerable, we can also start to feel less capable. And what if we suddenly need to be all capable again? Better not risk being out of the game.
…Because when we choose to be wide open to you instead of pushing you away, we have to suddenly be someone we don’t know if we accept or even respect, ourselves. Why be someone we don’t respect?
…Because being wide open and vulnerable to you means we have to accept ourselves. And we don’t always accept ourselves.
…Because we want a higher quality man.
Disowning Your Feelings Makes You Push Men Away More…
I can’t speak for all women, but if you are like most women, inside your heart lies a deep (and almost constant desire) for love and connection.
Sometimes, there’s also a deep hurt over the love you wanted to experience with another human (any human), but for whatever reason, you have not been able to.
In fact, it is the disowning of our feelings that makes committed relationships less possible.
We secretly love relationships. We just don’t feel safe to invest in them sometimes.
And – we need reassurance in order to open up.
We sometimes need a lot more reassurance of a man’s commitment to us than we’d like to admit.
Tell me, am I wrong? Or would reassurance from a man feel good to you?
For the sake of grieving and moving on to a better place in your relationships, just know that any reason you have for pushing a man away is ok to have.
You don’t need to deny it, lie about it or pretend it’s not there. If you do that, then bad behaviours will manifest more, and cause you to hurt your man even more!
It’s ok to feel scared. It’s ok to feel unaccepting of ourselves and voice that to yourself and release the feeling.
Every feeling has a place – and please give it a place. Allow that feeling to surface, even if it feels so lonely to acknowledge that feeling.
See my article on: Should I Control My Emotions To Be High Value?
(What is the ONE thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! Click here to find out right now…)
Why Do I push Men Away? Because You Never Did This
When women never process emotions and grieve, the backlog of emotion gets too much.
Somewhere deep down inside, we all sense this. We just don’t know how to deal with it.
The women who never grieve and feel deeply (settling for addictions and other creature comforts instead), are far more prone to pushing men away.
Also, women who don’t have much emotional support around them may find it harder to open up to a man and bring him closer rather than pushing him away.
I am just some woman on the internet with an opinion.
However, I caution all women in disowning their feelings (unless they are at work and must do so for professional reasons).
By dissociating from your feelings and pushing them away, we tend to repeatedly gravitate towards superficial relationships that break our soul and make us jaded.
Don’t ignore your feelings, and therefore ignore what your heart truly wants.
Your head might want to work a lot to keep the seat warm at the high flying job that you have, but how does your heart feel?
Your head and your impulses might want to sleep with a good looking man, but put your hand on your heart and ask your heart beforehand – how do you feel about doing this?
What will you feel if he leaves you afterwards?
What if you never hear from him again afterwards? What if you never see him again?
Your head might want this and that, but how does your heart feel? Is it hurting? Is it yearning?
If you ignore your heart and your truest feelings, mediocre relationships will find you.
In the end, the quality of our relationships is all we have.
If you want to know IF you push men away (or why you push men away), here’s an article on Why Do I Push People Away? Signs You Push People Away & How To Stop.
Thanks for reading! Which one of these reasons did you NOT relate to?
What other reasons can you share for pushing a man away? Let me know in the comments, I look forward to reading what you write.
(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new program, “Becoming His One & Only”. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)
P.S. What are some other reasons you push a man away? Can you add even better reasons to this list? Please add to the list in a comment below. I always look forward to reading your ideas.
You’re a powerful goddess that can change the lives of people around you.
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P.P.S. Have you checked out our High Value Banter class where we teach you about the 3 rules for “High Value Banter” to help you create romantic tension and emotional attraction with men online? Check it out!
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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