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Article updated 2018

This Is Why Women REALLY Push Men Away

…Because pushing him away is a lot better than feeling him ‘here’ with us and consequently being more vulnerable to his betrayal. Especially if we’ve been truly open and vulnerable to him.

…Because we want you to work harder for us.

…Because we are scared to trust you.

…Because outside of our natural desire for sex during/before ovulation, or the beginning or the end of a menstrual cycle, our desire for sex is lower, and sex takes a lot of energy when we don’t want it.

…Because relationships take courage that we are too scared to have.

…Because some men don’t provide enough value to us in order to warrant us being very connected to them.

…Because men just don’t understand…until they do understand. And if he’s a good man, he really will understand one day.

…Because somebody else abandoned us. And pushing people away is a coping mechanism for perceived eventual hurt. Sorry, it’s just that…abandonment hurts and as a consequence, relationships just don’t feel as ‘real’ or ‘worth it’ anymore.

…Because men are different to us. Even if women and men are both human. Men are different, and if we were honest, dealing with that is frightening sometimes.

…Because we want to feel in control. Letting go means losing control, and losing control means we’ll be judged. By women, funnily enough.

…Because having a man around might mean being more free, safe, and vulnerable. And in feeling more free, safe and vulnerable, we can also start to feel less capable. And what if we suddenly need to be all capable again? Better not risk being out of the game.

…Because when we choose to be wide open to you instead of pushing you away, we have to suddenly be someone we don’t know if we accept or even respect, ourselves. Why be someone we don’t respect?

…Because being wide open and vulnerable to you means we have to accept ourselves. And we don’t always accept ourselves.

…Because we got used to wearing masks. Masks have become our way. And it now takes less energy to wear these masks than it takes to surrender to you.

…Because we want a higher quality man.

I can’t speak for all women, but if you are like most women, inside your heart lies a deep (and almost constant desire) for love and connection.

Sometimes, there’s also a deep hurt over the love you wanted to experience with another human (any human), but for whatever reason, you have not been able to.

In fact, it is the disowning of our feelings that makes committed relationships less possible.

We secretly love relationships. We just don’t feel safe to invest in them sometimes. And – we need reassurance in order to open up. Tell me, am I wrong? Or would reassurance from a man feel good to you? 

Any reason you have for pushing a man away is ok. It’s ok to feel scared. It’s ok to feel unaccepting of ourselves and voice that to yourself and release the feeling. Every feeling has a place – and please give it a place. Allow that feeling to surface, even if it feels so lonely to acknowledge that feeling.

(What is the ONE thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! Click here to find out right now…)

I am just some woman on the internet with an opinion. However, I caution you in disowning your feelings, because in doing that, we tend to repeatedly gravitate towards superficial relationships that break our soul and make us jaded. Don’t ignore your feelings, and therefore ignore what your heart truly wants.

Your head might want to work a lot to keep the seat warm at the high flying job that you have, but how does your heart feel?

Your head might want to sleep with a good looking man, but put your hand on your heart; ask your heart beforehand – how do you feel, heart? What if you never hear from him again afterwards? What if you never see him again?

Your head might want this and that, but how does your heart feel? Is it hurting? Is it yearning?

If you ignore your heart and your truest feelings, mediocre relationships will find you.

In the end, the quality of our relationships is all we have.

Which one of these reasons did you NOT relate to? What other reasons can you share for pushing a man away? Let me know in the comments, I look forward to reading what you write.

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

renee wade

P.S. What are some other reasons you push a man away? Can you add even better reasons to this list? Please add to the list in a comment below. I always look forward to reading your ideas.

You’re a powerful goddess that can change the lives of people around you.

P.S. Connect with me on social media

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Mike
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Mike

No. Listen Carefully: You do not maintain a person’s trust by pushing them away. If you are making mistakes, then you are responsible for fixing them; he is not responsible for navigating your myriad unclear illogical DESTRUCTIVE behaviors under any circumstances. Especially when you can write whole articles of lists of reasons you’re fully conscious of. There’s a word for that: CULPABILITY. Stop telling women it is okay give the men they love The Silent Treatment (or even a softer, weirder, more insidious form of it). It is not. It’s abusive, immature, disrespectful, and time and time again it destroys… Read more »

Brittany
Guest
Brittany

I push him away few times we seem come around be cool I known at least 3 years we had fun this time I think it’s over we haven’t talk in a few days he doesn’t wants talk he ignores my calls texts it was over some women he says he doesn’t want but his body says otherwise etc so took his name off my body we wasn’t in a relationship do miss him feel upset but have go on with life he may not come back we are both to blame are Immature for ourselves what should I do… Read more »

Mike
Guest
Mike

The moment you pushed him away the very first time he realized he can never marry you, and he was right. Do not ever push away a person you want to stay. You broke his trust and now he is no longer committed.

You can probably change it if you really want, but you will have to change yourself, and be absolutely consistent.

Hemant
Guest
Hemant

And to save yourself you break sincere men’s heart, destroying his entire life.

Holly
Guest
Holly

Love this ❤… makes absolute sense.

Mike
Guest
Mike

Yes. now that you know you are responsible for the next time you do it to an honest dedicated man.

Hari
Guest

Hi,
We cannot say that only the men get pushed away by women, sometimes we can see the reverse of that. Well if both men and women are in a relationship then they should have a mutual understanding to not to involve in disputes and if so then they can seek a help of matrimonial lawyer.

Lyn
Guest
Lyn

Renée I love your writing. Thank you for being an inspiration. My question revolves around how long you should wait before getting a comittment from a boyfriend (not necessarily marriage but moving in together). We are both in our 40’s and have kids from previously relationships. We have a wonderful connection and have been dating exclusively for 2 years. He is very committed and loving to me but has said he doesn’t ever see us blending our families and living together. I am not naive in thinking that if I stay around he might change his mind in 3, 5… Read more »

Audrey
Guest
Audrey

Renee, what if you’ve pushed a man away out of fear… because you allowed yourself to worry too much and overthink and not be present with him.. and the walls came up, and as a result, you were rude and sabotaged on the second date. And he wisely decides to stop seeing you? How would a high value vulnerable woman apologize for that? I realize doing it with motives to “get him back” (it’s been about a year) is not wise. But I do feel he deserved better. I just am curious what it looks like for a high value… Read more »

Mike
Guest
Mike

There is really, truly, only one way: Change and never make the mistake again. Words mean almost nothing moments after they vanish in the air. If you mean your apology, say this, it’s simple:

“I’m sorry i hurt you. I will never do that again.” And then don’t.

Lucinda aldama
Guest
Lucinda aldama

This has helped me a lot, being a women that was molested and abused a lot, I’ve always pushed men away and when I releases it to my fiance I was emotionally in tears but the healing needed to take place for our relationship to move forward so thank you very much always Lucinda aldama mesa arizona

Irma Romano
Guest
Irma Romano

I met a man on Christmas Eve and we hooked up shortly after and than after seeing him twice I pushed him away. I was overwhelmed with liking him and him not really being emotionally available to me only to text me on his terms. It reminded me of other relationships in the past where I had abandoned myself. Than I told him good-bye and regretted it after my girlfriend said you could have allowed him to fall for you overtime you pushed too hard too fast and Iam having a hard time letting go now for some reason and… Read more »

Mike
Guest
Mike

Step #1: Take responsibility
Step #2: Change
Step #3: Consistency

Rocoten
Guest
Rocoten

Hi, I lost the man I loved about 8 months ago. We had a 3 years rls and we broke up mainly because we werent aligned at the moment and I expected too much. After a year of adjusting myself and consistency, I managed to start dating him again officially (he told friends) eventhough he never stopped loving me. Sadly life took him away from me unexpectedly. I have this fear that I’ll never find someone that will care for me as much as he did, and that I wont like someone just as much as I liked him. Its… Read more »

Mike
Guest
Mike

If you think a sweet man is lying then you aren’t ready for a relationship. If you friendzone him you are manipulating him. Do not ever do to someone what you would not want done to you. It’s called The Golden Rule.

lostgirl
Guest
lostgirl

I pushed this guy I was dating away because he said he didn’t want kids. I knew I wanted kids someday. So I didn’t want to feel like I was wasting time by being with someone who didn’t want the same thing.

Renee Wade
Guest

You pushed away the married guy?

lostgirl
Guest
lostgirl

Yes. I’m scared to get too close to him.

lostgirl
Guest
lostgirl

I push my friend away because he’s married. I’m attracted to help. Our chats are fun. I would feel sad if I never heard from him again.

Mike
Guest
Mike

Then quit pushing him away. ……..

Monica
Guest
Monica

Hi Renee! Your work has been so helpful for me and my relationship ❤️. Since starting my journey to become the woman and partner I desire to be, I notice I pull away because I am insecure. My partner and I have been together for almost two years. He is wonderful, I respect and love him more than I have any man before. Sometimes, I get nervous that I am not bring enough value to his life. I get scared that I am undeserving and that one day he’ll wake up and think so too. This fear of somehow ‘being… Read more »

Mike
Guest
Mike

If you do not feel like “you bring enough value” to his life then you should speak to a therapist. Low self worth comes from early abuse.

Morgan
Guest
Morgan

Hi, Renee. I really hope you’ll see this, I have an emergency!! I subscribed to your Attraction Control Monthly through buying one of your deals that came with the first month of it. But now I need to be taken off, because right now I cannot afford the monthly payments. And I have sent two messages through your help desk, and one through your facebook. And I know it’s not you yourself who responds to these, so I’m not upset with YOU. But I am upset that nobody’s helping me!! I can’t lose any money and nobody seems to care… Read more »

Seenandheard
Guest
Seenandheard

I push him away because I feel turned off by his baby talk. Why does he do that? It doesn’t feel masculine. I feel like I’m drowning in sap. Where’s the polarity? I’m the warm, feeling, soft girl. I want him to be the hard, cold, doing man. Seriously, why does he talk like a baby with me?

bobsyouruncle
Guest
bobsyouruncle

Well, that defines my marriage very well, but I am a bit of a romantic, because I do like the woman in my life to know clearly how I feel.

bobsyouruncle
Guest
bobsyouruncle

I would love to meet a warm.feminine woman again. I am a single man who.spent 23 yrs with my late wife whom.I shared a very deep true love with. we were the couple everyone hated because we were so close. were can I find you lady’s to date and learn about ?

Dawn Zuokumor
Guest
Dawn Zuokumor

Hello renee, I have this friend who we’ve had a thing for each other but never really made a move… or I’d say he has and I’d been stalling coz I was scared. Okay the thing is, we suddenly became really really close developing that connection and i did really trusy him and then the fear came. I started thinking since we’re not dating yet, he could leave anytime what if I do something wrong and all that.. the thing is I know he’s serious and all but **okay I failed to mention he really likes me coz I don’t… Read more »

Mike
Guest
Mike

Take responsibility for the consequences of your actions rather than contradicting your desires.

Diane Bannard
Guest
Diane Bannard

Fear of betrayal / abandonment. My husband of 12 years, instead of trying to repair our marriage after we separated, ran off with a 21 yr old, had a baby with her and is living with her. He is 50 yes old. I see too late he was not a high value man for a mate. But I’m 62 now. It will be hard because men don’t even want to date a woman over 60. And the men on the dating sites: they are other women’s leftovers, that they divorced because she couldn’t live with him anymore. My last relationship… Read more »

Mike
Guest
Mike

Obviously, the 21 year old woman considers him high value. You threw him away. You lost all claim.

And then there’s your hypocrisy, the real root of all evil: Men on dating sites are “other women’s leftovers” ?! Goose, meet gander. You are your ex-husband’s leftovers but you refuse to recognize it, instead focusing on everyone else’s flaws.

Someone like you needs and deserves only one thing: Tough Love.

Sade
Guest
Sade

Hello Renee, It’s been 3yrs now since I broke up with my ex and have never had sex since then… Sex is so intimate for me I can only have it with someone I am in love with. That being said, I work with a guy that interest me alot, I really like him… He seem interested as well but not enough to say he wants a relationship with me because he had never asked me out. We chat sometimes and he make jokes that certainly sends a msg that he is sexually attracted to me. In a long time,… Read more »

Sade
Guest
Sade

Hello Renee,
I understand you a busy person trying to advise many of us with relationship issues… Personally I am so grateful as your articles are such eye opener. Please, I would really love to read from you regarding my situation.
Bless you

Renee Wade
Guest

Hi Sade, let’s start with what I wrote in this article (above): “Your head might want to sleep with a good looking man, but put your hand on your heart; ask your heart beforehand – how do you feel, heart? What if you never see him again?”

In this case, your body probably also wants to sleep with him…but still, ask your heart. How would it feel if you were to never see or hear from him again afterwards?

Myall
Guest
Myall

Hi Sade, l am not a relationship expert and l know this post is three months old, but l am curious as to what has happened with this guy and you since posting. I would have suggested that as a friend you ask him about his views on relationship in general and what he was looking for in a relationship.

Mike
Guest
Mike

The sex will feel great. Yes. Hope for the best, and be the best to maximize your chance. Hope is all you have, stop trying to control your environment. You can’t.

lisa
Guest
lisa

i never pushed men away, i was always the one being pushed away. pushed aside, rejected, men wouldn’t let me in, etc.

Mike
Guest
Mike

Work on attraction.

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