This Is Why Women REALLY Push Men Away

Article updated 2020

This Is Why Women REALLY Push Men Away

…Because pushing him away is a lot better than feeling him ‘here’ with us and consequently being more vulnerable to his betrayal. Especially if we’ve been truly open and vulnerable to him.

…Because we want you to work harder for us.

…Because we are scared to trust you.

…Because outside of our natural desire for sex during/before ovulation, or the beginning or the end of a menstrual cycle, our desire for sex is lower, and sex takes a lot of energy when we don’t want it.

…Because relationships take courage that we are too scared to have.

…Because some men don’t provide enough value to us in order to warrant us being very connected to them.

…Because men just don’t understand…until they do understand. And if he’s a good man, he really will understand one day.

…Because somebody else abandoned us. And pushing people away is a coping mechanism for perceived eventual hurt. Sorry, it’s just that…abandonment hurts and as a consequence, relationships just don’t feel as ‘real’ or ‘worth it’ anymore.

…Because men are different to us. Even if women and men are both human. Men are different, and if we were honest, dealing with that is frightening sometimes.

…Because we want to feel in control. Letting go means losing control, and losing control means we’ll be judged. By women, funnily enough.

…Because having a man around might mean being more free, safe, and vulnerable. And in feeling more free, safe and vulnerable, we can also start to feel less capable. And what if we suddenly need to be all capable again? Better not risk being out of the game.

…Because when we choose to be wide open to you instead of pushing you away, we have to suddenly be someone we don’t know if we accept or even respect, ourselves. Why be someone we don’t respect?

…Because being wide open and vulnerable to you means we have to accept ourselves. And we don’t always accept ourselves.

…Because we got used to wearing masks. Masks have become our way. And it now takes less energy to wear these masks than it takes to surrender to you.

…Because we want a higher quality man.

I can’t speak for all women, but if you are like most women, inside your heart lies a deep (and almost constant desire) for love and connection.

Sometimes, there’s also a deep hurt over the love you wanted to experience with another human (any human), but for whatever reason, you have not been able to.

In fact, it is the disowning of our feelings that makes committed relationships less possible.

We secretly love relationships. We just don’t feel safe to invest in them sometimes. And – we need reassurance in order to open up. Tell me, am I wrong? Or would reassurance from a man feel good to you? 

Any reason you have for pushing a man away is ok. It’s ok to feel scared. It’s ok to feel unaccepting of ourselves and voice that to yourself and release the feeling. Every feeling has a place – and please give it a place. Allow that feeling to surface, even if it feels so lonely to acknowledge that feeling.

(What is the ONE thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! Click here to find out right now…)

I am just some woman on the internet with an opinion. However, I caution you in disowning your feelings, because in doing that, we tend to repeatedly gravitate towards superficial relationships that break our soul and make us jaded. Don’t ignore your feelings, and therefore ignore what your heart truly wants.

Your head might want to work a lot to keep the seat warm at the high flying job that you have, but how does your heart feel?

Your head might want to sleep with a good looking man, but put your hand on your heart; ask your heart beforehand – how do you feel, heart? What if you never hear from him again afterwards? What if you never see him again?

Your head might want this and that, but how does your heart feel? Is it hurting? Is it yearning?

If you ignore your heart and your truest feelings, mediocre relationships will find you.

In the end, the quality of our relationships is all we have.

Which one of these reasons did you NOT relate to? What other reasons can you share for pushing a man away? Let me know in the comments, I look forward to reading what you write.

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

renee wade

P.S. What are some other reasons you push a man away? Can you add even better reasons to this list? Please add to the list in a comment below. I always look forward to reading your ideas.

You’re a powerful goddess that can change the lives of people around you.

P.S. Connect with me on social media

Our new Facebook Group is here… Join the “High Value Feminine Women” Community using this link

P.P.S. Have you checked out our High Value Banter class where we teach you about the 3 rules for “High Value Banter” to help you create romantic tension and emotional attraction with men online? Check it out!

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MattB
MattB

While I can understand the feelings that are expressed in the article, your advice in dealing with them is actually quite terrible. Probably the worst dating advice (and just being a decent human) I’ve read. Congrats!

Rel
Rel

Man I tried everything and it’s like a game. One day she want to be with me. Next day out of the blue she hated me. I change a lot of my ways which I was never bad towards her. But I took how she felt into consideration and yet she still treated me like shit. It hurts but I got to let this good. I tried my best and she didn’t appreciate it or seen nothing I done or as if it’s entitled because I’m the husband but yet she wasn’t entitled to do anything. I don’t hate women… Read more »

Nathan
Nathan

Work harder for you? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! You women have a lot of nerve asking us to work harder for anything, especially you. You don’t ask a man to work harder. Ever! Fuck that and fuck relatiobships! You scheming women and your double-talk. Who needs you! No one! And you dare ask a man to work harder for you? How devilish you are, since we all know that you women will never give men adequate compensation for anything. You think yourselves so valuable that you would date ask a man to work harder for you? You’re… Read more »

Joakim
Joakim

Thats a good text for those of us men ( like me) not far traveled in relationships and the social spheres (notbeing allowed to – or when allowed to,being pushed away by both genders as youth ),that are less good in putting ourselves in your shose – your oposite and different approach to life and what you bear with you in your hearts as life experiences. Truelly – I wish neither had pushed me away ,giving me a shanse to grow together with you as youth and mature amidst your happiness and adventues. Imissed all of that!May God forgive you… Read more »

Bennie
Bennie

Mike you hit it on the head!!!! That’s absolute truth!!! Thanks for being brave enough in this form to say it!

Robb Dorazio
Robb Dorazio

“Any reason you have for pushing a man away is ok.” How is this good advice? I am much more cynical and jaded after seeing how I’m lonely and put energy into being nice, but assholes get women. If this is OK, then is it ok for me to teat women badly to get laid then? Women will come back with, “no, always be positive and honest and loving and supportive and that will be a great relationship.” But that doesn’t get the girl. That makes you be seen as a friend that’s just a friend. I have enough friends.… Read more »

waterboy
waterboy
Reply to  Renee Wade

I have to agree with rob. Did you not wright this article are you not women I am just saying? I have tried different thing like being nice or being like jerk, bad boy or Alpha Male or what ever you wont to call it. I have try do stuff being around them it dose not or have seen other arictle’s and videos say to not stick around that dose not work eather you just lose them to other men. When I was 26 I think was try bying girl liked at the time drink and the she was with… Read more »

Adrian
Adrian

This makes so much sense now. In the beginning, she was kind and understanding. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. Then something changed. She began to resent me and wanted nothing to do with me. Said she wasn’t available. Stopped responding to all communications. Then she said I wasn’t there for her. It was honestly the most confusing thing I’ve ever experienced.

Jessica
Jessica
Reply to  Adrian

Thank u

Mike
Mike

No. Listen Carefully: You do not maintain a person’s trust by pushing them away. If you are making mistakes, then you are responsible for fixing them; he is not responsible for navigating your myriad unclear illogical DESTRUCTIVE behaviors under any circumstances. Especially when you can write whole articles of lists of reasons you’re fully conscious of. There’s a word for that: CULPABILITY. Stop telling women it is okay give the men they love The Silent Treatment (or even a softer, weirder, more insidious form of it). It is not. It’s abusive, immature, disrespectful, and time and time again it destroys… Read more »

Brittany
Brittany

I push him away few times we seem come around be cool I known at least 3 years we had fun this time I think it’s over we haven’t talk in a few days he doesn’t wants talk he ignores my calls texts it was over some women he says he doesn’t want but his body says otherwise etc so took his name off my body we wasn’t in a relationship do miss him feel upset but have go on with life he may not come back we are both to blame are Immature for ourselves what should I do… Read more »

Mike
Mike
Reply to  Brittany

The moment you pushed him away the very first time he realized he can never marry you, and he was right. Do not ever push away a person you want to stay. You broke his trust and now he is no longer committed.

You can probably change it if you really want, but you will have to change yourself, and be absolutely consistent.

Hemant
Hemant

And to save yourself you break sincere men’s heart, destroying his entire life.

Holly
Holly

Love this ❤… makes absolute sense.

Mike
Mike
Reply to  Holly

Yes. now that you know you are responsible for the next time you do it to an honest dedicated man.

Hari
Hari

Hi,
We cannot say that only the men get pushed away by women, sometimes we can see the reverse of that. Well if both men and women are in a relationship then they should have a mutual understanding to not to involve in disputes and if so then they can seek a help of matrimonial lawyer.

Dao
Dao
Reply to  Hari

As a man, I can say that I don’t push women away and play mind games. We’re likely to just not talk to a women to begin with if we’re not interested. Or if he wants to score one night and leave, he might talk to her but the level of excitement for the girl won’t be there, he’ll still treat her like his other friends.

The girl that he is interested in, she will usually pushes him away. He’ll ultimately be so nice to her and respect her choices, and she’ll push us away some more.

Lyn
Lyn

Renée I love your writing. Thank you for being an inspiration. My question revolves around how long you should wait before getting a comittment from a boyfriend (not necessarily marriage but moving in together). We are both in our 40’s and have kids from previously relationships. We have a wonderful connection and have been dating exclusively for 2 years. He is very committed and loving to me but has said he doesn’t ever see us blending our families and living together. I am not naive in thinking that if I stay around he might change his mind in 3, 5… Read more »

Marilyn
Marilyn
Reply to  Lyn

Lyn, if you are in a committed relationship and he has told you he doesn’t want what you want, then you have 2 choices – stay and accept what he offers or leave and live your life and find a partner who is on the same page as you. He is saying what’s so for him. He may not know why but he doesn’t see a future with you like that. If that’s what you want, follow YOUR heart not his. It takes courage.

Audrey
Audrey

Renee, what if you’ve pushed a man away out of fear… because you allowed yourself to worry too much and overthink and not be present with him.. and the walls came up, and as a result, you were rude and sabotaged on the second date. And he wisely decides to stop seeing you? How would a high value vulnerable woman apologize for that? I realize doing it with motives to “get him back” (it’s been about a year) is not wise. But I do feel he deserved better. I just am curious what it looks like for a high value… Read more »

Mike
Mike
Reply to  Audrey

There is really, truly, only one way: Change and never make the mistake again. Words mean almost nothing moments after they vanish in the air. If you mean your apology, say this, it’s simple:

“I’m sorry i hurt you. I will never do that again.” And then don’t.

Lucinda aldama
Lucinda aldama

This has helped me a lot, being a women that was molested and abused a lot, I’ve always pushed men away and when I releases it to my fiance I was emotionally in tears but the healing needed to take place for our relationship to move forward so thank you very much always Lucinda aldama mesa arizona

Irma Romano
Irma Romano

I met a man on Christmas Eve and we hooked up shortly after and than after seeing him twice I pushed him away. I was overwhelmed with liking him and him not really being emotionally available to me only to text me on his terms. It reminded me of other relationships in the past where I had abandoned myself. Than I told him good-bye and regretted it after my girlfriend said you could have allowed him to fall for you overtime you pushed too hard too fast and Iam having a hard time letting go now for some reason and… Read more »

Mike
Mike
Reply to  Irma Romano

Step #1: Take responsibility
Step #2: Change
Step #3: Consistency

Marilyn
Marilyn
Reply to  Irma Romano

Be kind to yourself. You need to heal from the hurts of your past. When you have done that, and learned relationship skills, then you’ll be able to recognize men who are emotionally available and avoid the players (sounds like Christmas Eve). When we’re needy, we can’t see how we are setting ourselves up to be used.

Rocoten
Rocoten

Hi, I lost the man I loved about 8 months ago. We had a 3 years rls and we broke up mainly because we werent aligned at the moment and I expected too much. After a year of adjusting myself and consistency, I managed to start dating him again officially (he told friends) eventhough he never stopped loving me. Sadly life took him away from me unexpectedly. I have this fear that I’ll never find someone that will care for me as much as he did, and that I wont like someone just as much as I liked him. Its… Read more »

Mike
Mike
Reply to  Rocoten

If you think a sweet man is lying then you aren’t ready for a relationship. If you friendzone him you are manipulating him. Do not ever do to someone what you would not want done to you. It’s called The Golden Rule.

lostgirl
lostgirl

I pushed this guy I was dating away because he said he didn’t want kids. I knew I wanted kids someday. So I didn’t want to feel like I was wasting time by being with someone who didn’t want the same thing.

Renee Wade
Renee Wade
Reply to  lostgirl

You pushed away the married guy?

lostgirl
lostgirl
Reply to  Renee Wade

Yes. I’m scared to get too close to him.

lostgirl
lostgirl

I push my friend away because he’s married. I’m attracted to help. Our chats are fun. I would feel sad if I never heard from him again.

Mike
Mike
Reply to  lostgirl

Then quit pushing him away. ……..

Monica
Monica

Hi Renee! Your work has been so helpful for me and my relationship ❤️. Since starting my journey to become the woman and partner I desire to be, I notice I pull away because I am insecure. My partner and I have been together for almost two years. He is wonderful, I respect and love him more than I have any man before. Sometimes, I get nervous that I am not bring enough value to his life. I get scared that I am undeserving and that one day he’ll wake up and think so too. This fear of somehow ‘being… Read more »

Mike
Mike
Reply to  Monica

If you do not feel like “you bring enough value” to his life then you should speak to a therapist. Low self worth comes from early abuse.

Jesse
Jesse
Reply to  Mike

That’s absolutely correct,Mike!

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