Article Updated 2018

Learn how you may be ruining your chances of finding the right man for you

You’re single and attracting a man who wants a committed, loving relationship with you seems impossible.

If you have not had a boyfriend in a year or more, or if you keep ending up in relationships where the man goes hot and cold, and the women around you are getting their happy endings, it can seriously make you think, can’t it?

It’s easy to start worrying –

What if you’re not enough?

What if you don’t have the qualities to keep a man interested?

What if…..(touch wood) you’ll never find a man who wants the same things as you do?

Well, none of these things are true.

It’s not that you are not enough, it’s not that you do not have the qualities to keep a man interested, and it is CERTAINLY not that you will never find a man who wants the same things you do.

This may piss you off, but there are men out there waiting to devote themselves to you.

Most men are not stupid and unwilling to commit as many women like to make out that they are. In fact, men actually DO want to commit and have a relationship with you. (Click here to take the quiz on “High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

It’s just that they need YOUR help.

They need you to help YOURSELF.

They need YOU to become the kind of woman that is easy to want a relationship with, because he feels COMPELLED to take care of you and love you forever.

Here is the bad news about meeting the right man for you:

If you have not met anybody who is ‘right’ in a while, and you feel down about it, the likelihood is that you will not ever meet a man and have your ideal happy ending.

Instead – what will happen is you will probably ‘settle’ for someone who seems ‘good enough’ because inside you are starving for love and for intimacy and feel willing to settle for any man that seems like he might provide the intimacy and security that you want, even if he is the wrong man for you. (Click here to complete the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

How do I know this?

It’s simple.

I know this because research has shown over and over that most people have the same thoughts they did yesterday, and most people have the same thoughts they had last week, and most people have the same thoughts they had last month, last year….

In other words, most people never change.

And this applies to how you think (your mindset) towards your relationships and men as well.

As Einstein once said: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.

Even a simple change in mindset could lead you 50% closer to meeting the right ‘HIM’.

So the bad news is that if you don’t know WHY you are not attracting the right one for you – and you don’t know how to make the changes within YOURSELF to be able to attract the right man for you – you never will attract the right man for you.

And I really want you to attract the right man for you – because I know it is possible, and because I know that life being single is lots of fun at times – but you never get the beauty and the sense of aliveness and the JUICE in your life when you’re single that you can get from opening yourself to an intimate relationship with a man. (read my article about getting the man of your man)

The common reasons why Single Women Haven’t been able to find the Right Man

There are only a few MAIN reasons why any woman has NOT found and met the right man for her yet.

And I’m about to give you these reasons.

I have noticed and found repetitive, common patterns that routinely STOP a woman from finding and having a committed relationship with her’one’.

No matter HOW ‘complex’ the situation is – no matter how many justifications you have – there are only a few main reasons why the right one is not currently in your life.

And the change has to start with YOU.

One of the best ways to find the right man for you is to gain AWARENESS!

And here is the GOOD news:

Once you have the gift of AWARENESS of why you have not yet found the right one for you, you could step out and find him faster than you ever imagined.

The good news is that the change doesn’t have to mean a lot of EFFORT. EFFORT is useless to you.

You could bang your face against a brick wall 30 times and that’d be really cool but you’d still end up with a bruised and battered face afterwards.

Even though you put a lot of EFFORT in to it!

What you need is a willingness to truly love a man and the awareness to know that entering a relationship always means you will experience pain – and being OK with it.

This doesn’t mean you should expect him to cheat on you – and it doesn’t mean you should expect to end up curled up on the floor in the bathroom crying your eyes out over a man.

Not at all!

It just means that being in a close relationship with another human being is a risk any day of the week.

Everyone has been hurt and experiences pain in an intimate relationship before.

It’s the thinking that we should NOT feel pain that makes us miserable beyond words.

Pain is a part of life and pain is a part of having a relationship. (read my article about how men and women destroy each other)

(What is the ONE thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! Click here to find out right now…)

So if you want to avoid being alone for the rest of your life, and instead experience the joy and the ecstasy that comes with having a funny, handsome, intelligent man who is right for you and who will be there for you always – no questions asked, and love you so deeply that he can’t even IMAGINE being with someone else, it’s possible, and to get it you need to read these reasons:

3 Reasons why you have not met the right one yet:

1) You actually want to be alone.

You may not THINK you actually want to be alone, because you keep wanting that special someone in your life; but you actually do.

I put this reason first because it is common. You may LOGICALLY want a relationship, and logically want to find the right man, but beyond what your logical mind says – you’re actually more interested in living life alone, because it’s easier that way.

Yes, I said it’s easier that way.

You actually perceive that being ALONE, and being ‘independent’ meets your needs far more than being in a relationship ever would, so in actual fact, you’d never really give up your need to be alone.

So many women want a relationship, but they’re so scared that if they get involved with a man and truly love a man, that ALL their fears will surface, and they’ll have to deal with not only their OWN fears, but the fears and desires and the NEEDS of a man.

When you’re alone, you don’t have to OPEN yourself.

You can do whatever you want, whenever you want!

You don’t have to be VULNERABLE.

And the trouble is, vulnerability is one of the primary things men want from you.

They need to see your vulnerability in order to enter in to a relationship with you.

Your femininity and your vulnerability moves a man far beyond what a good ‘behind’ or a nice pair of legs does for him.

So what we really have here is a contradiction.

You want a relationship and to find the right one, yet –

You are actually stopping yourself from having it.

Your LOGICAL mind says you want a relationship, but as a human being, you’re still an animal in most respects, so you are not driven by your logical mind!

You’re driven by something else – more so your subconscious perceptions about what being in a relationship with the right man would mean to you.

And what is in your subconscious often comes from past hurts with other men, or even male members of your own family.

So, you might very well start to get involved with a man, but as soon as he does something that pushes your hot buttons and makes you squirm, and makes you feel insecure, you’re no longer focusing on how much love you have inside of you that you have to GIVE – which would give you confidence.

He does something that upsets you, so you start to focus on how he’s going to leave you or get sick of you or break up with you over qualities that you lack.

And of course, a man feels this, so the relationship starts to die after 3-5 months because it’s not blossiming as a relationship should, in actual fact, the relationship is falling victim to your fears and HIS fears.

As soon as he does something that triggers a fear inside of you – you do something that scares him and pushes him away.

This kind of pattern happens a lot in life. It happens with people who have insomnia, it happens with people who are trying to lose weight, it happens to people who are trying to be outrageously successful at something in life.

We SAY we want something, but our subconscious mind drives us to do things that sabotage the very thing we want.

It’s a contradiction.

Somebody wants to be successful, but inside, they’re really afraid of losing the love of the people around them when they become successful.

Somebody says they want a relationship – but they don’t want to be vulnerable.

Somebody says they want a relationship, but they are not willing to commit to anything.

So how can you change this?

Here is a step to change your own contradictions so you don’t sabotage your own path to finding the right one:


Every time you are dating a man and find yourself acting our of fear and sabotaging the relationship, bring the focus back to feeling confident.

Take a moment to think about all the things the moments that you have felt proud and confident, and safe.

Think about being with someone you love.

You have to consciously focus on the things that are going to benefit you and ALLOW you to effortlessly find the right one for you.

But don’t make this mistake:

Don’t focus on this:

“I want a relationship.”

“I need a relationship”

“Why don’t I have a man yet?”

“Why have I been single for so long”

These won’t help you be in the right emotional state to find and meet the right one. They’ll just take you around and around in circles.

As soon as you find yourself focusing on these things, bring the focus BACK to happy moments from your past, moments where you’re felt proud of yourself.

Even moments where you were in love.

2) The SECOND reason you haven’t found the right one yet is because:

You don’t really know how to Attract the Right one for You.

Have you ever felt that you keep attracting the wrong kinds of men?

Have you ever felt like you have the ability to attract men to you, but the ones who want you are the ones YOU aren’t really interested in having a relationship with?

Perhaps you find you end up with the bad boys who aren’t really relationship material?

Maybe you want a commitment but you keep attracting men who don’t want to commit to you?

And this keep happening again and again?

Have you ever heard of the law of attraction?

Do you believe in it?

A lot of people recommend that you use the law of attraction to get your ideal mate/life partner.

The Law of Attraction basically says that you attract in your life whatever you think about.

So many dating experts say you should get clear on what kind of man you want and list down all the qualities he must have.

And this is great – a lot of women have lists of what they want in their ideal man – but there is one HUGE mistake people make when they go to work out what kind of partner the want, and this mistake COSTS you the very thing you want – that wonderful man you want in your life.

People don’t realise that you cannot JUST focus on the qualities you want in the OTHER person – you have to know AND focus on what kind of woman that kind of man would want in order to attract him!

And this brings YOU happiness, which is the most important thing.

Because, you get to grow and make progress in the meantime instead of just being busy all the time eliminating men because they’re apparently not your type.

So you go and think about what YOU want in a man, and you’re very CLEAR on how HE has to be – but you have not EVER thought about the kind of person YOU would have to be to attract the kind of man you want in to your life.

If you want an exciting man who you are attracted to and who ALSO makes you feel secure; you can’t attract him if you’re a pleaser.

If you want an honest man of integrity who won’t cheat on you; you cannot attract him if you are not honest with yourself about your true feelings; and trying to cover them up. You’re not even being honest or authentic either.

If you want a man who is generous and giving but you are not willing to give unless he gives to you first – he’s not going to show up in your life.

So here’s what you need to do right now to attract that intelligent, handsome, and loving man in to your life:

1) on one piece of paper, write down ALL the qualities you ideally want in your dream man.

Include everything from what he looks like to what kind of meal he’d like to have with you together on a Saturday night in to what his ideal Sunday morning activity would be.

2) And then on ANOTHER piece of paper, write down all the qualities you would need to become the kind of person whom your dream man would want.

And then each day, you need to focus on this man that you want, and go to work on yourself to become that kind of woman your dream man actually wants.

3) The THIRD reason you have not found the right one yet is because you are not consciously aware of what really draws men to you, so you are not meeting and attracting enough quality men, or drawing enough men in to your world so that you have more good men to choose from.

When you know how to draw men to you through your femininity, you get far closer to Mr. Right because you have more men around you who are interested.

Most women focus intently on looking their best or making themselves look prettier, and they think that this will give them a better chance at attracting a high quality man.

Whilst it is true that looking your best gives you advantages, what you really need is more conscious AWARENESS of what really, actually works. Even better if it is PROVEN to work to attract men.

Firstly, if you want to attract your right man (or any man) faster, and waste no more precious time, you need to get the insight on the 17 Attraction Triggers.

These 17 attraction triggers are proven to work to draw men’s attention to you.

In my program ’17 Instant Triggers that guarantee to get any man’s blood boiling uncontrollably’, I show you how to easily use the most primal triggers to create attraction with men.

And when you sign up to the 17 Attraction Triggers program, you also get the first month of my program Attraction Control Monthly for free. Check it out here.

In that first volume o our monthly program Attraction Control, we teach not only the most BASIC triggers of attraction, but how attraction with a man really works.

I give you a behind the scenes look at how attraction between a man and a woman begins AND how it can be maintained in a long-term relationship.

Most of us just do what we automatically ‘think’ is the right thing to do with a man, and we float along aimlessly, never getting the insight that we consciously NEED in order to build a successful relationship with the man we want.

And when something goes wrong, and he pulls away or loses attraction for us, and we don’t know why. So we just fret. And that always damages things because when we act from fear, we sabotage the very thing we are wanting to fix.

Here’s an interesting statistic: 80% of long-term relationships and marriages fail.

There’s a reason for this: us humans were not originally built to be lasting relationships.

We aren’t born with the knowledge on how to maintain a relationship with the opposite sex. Like most things, we need to learn what makes it work.

And of course, as you already know, nobody gives us this knowledge. We get taught math, science, writing, literature, sports, languages – everything but what WORKS in relationships.

We need to get insight in to what makes a relationship both loving AND passionate for as long as we want the relationship to last.

We need insight in to how to actually attract a man. That’s insight that I’ve aimed to give you in this article here, and if you want to take it further and learn more, check out the 17 triggers and Attraction Control Monthly by clicking here.

How you sabotage your own chances of making a relationship work with a man

See, us humans don’t just come with a HUMAN brain. We come with three different brains, and the one that makes us SURVIVE is the very same brain that makes it difficult for us to maintain a long-term relationship!

This survival brain (called the lizard brain by some psychologists) controls us far more than we think.

And if we don’t keep it in check, we ALWAYS do things that sabotage our own plans with a relationship, or even work, family, our bodies and our health.

A good and quick example of how this lizard brain takes hold of us more than we think is people who are trying to lose weight.

They might do a little bit of exercise or go on some crazy diet, but then…somehow justify to themselves – “ok just one more doughnut”.

Have you ever done something like this?

Maybe you planned to do something that you KNEW was good for your life, like catch up with that friend, like finish reading that great book that would teach you something you need to know, or maybe you’ve told yourself you would STOP doing something bad that you’ve gotten in to a habit of doing, and yet – you STILL DIDN’T STOP?

This is exactly the same mechanism that stops us from having the man we want and having and keeping the RELATIONSHIP we want.

This is why I say we must get conscious AWARENESS of what we are doing to attract the right man, and keep that same right man – and be his goddess forever.

Floating around, not knowing how to manage OURSELVES or our ability to attract the right man has its bad consequences.

There’s one HUGE problem with floating around like this:

You only have so much time. You only have one life.

And you can’t spend it not educating yourself and getting insight to what works with men, and what will help you get in to that beautiful, loving relationship that you want.

I believe we owe it to ourselves to get understanding and even MORE SO we owe it to ourselves to TAKE ACTION.

What to do RIGHT NOW to bring Mr. Right in to your Life:

So, right now, if you still haven’t found your Mr. Right. Here is what I want you to do.

Close your eyes.

Imagine him. Imagine him…what he looks like, how he stands, how he smiles, how he talks….imagine what he values. Imagine his personality.

Feel inside yourself how nice it would feel to have this wonderful man in your life, who just takes your life to the NEXT LEVEL.

And then ask yourself this question:

“Where is this man?”

“Where does he spend his Saturday afternoons?”

“What are his passions?”

“What does he do for fun?”

Imagine where he is, and TAKE ACTION NOW, and GO where he would be.

If he is a spiritual kind of guy, go to a self development seminar.

If your Mr. Right loves football, go to a football game with a girlfriend (or a guy friend!).

And even if you DON’T get a conversation started with a man at the place you think your Mr. Right might hang out – at least you get to observe what this kind of man is like. You get to observe the football loving kind of man, for example.

Every Time you don’t get Asked out is a Chance to Learn

Let me just say one last thing: it does not matter whether you DO go out and a man DOESN’T ask for your number.


Because EVERY TIME you go out; every time you step outside of your comfort zone to do something, you take home a beautiful gift: you get to learn.

You get the gift of learning.

And you’ll be surprised how far this learning will take you on your road to finding Mr. Right.

The Blessing in Disguise:

Most women go out a few times, notice that men are interested, and then complain that men don’t approach them. However, every time this happens, you learn something! Things don’t always happen immediately. Sometimes, the universe wants you to learn a little more or pay a little more attention, and just TAKE MORE ACTION.

And the more action you take, the more deserving you become of the RIGHT man for you.

The LESS likely you’ll end up with Mr. Near Enough is Good Enough.

Or Mr. Down Right Wrong.

And, if you want to make things quicker and easier for yourself, and if you want insight in to drawing men in to your life – join us and learn the 17 Attraction Triggers, click here.

At that ridiculously low price, you’ll get far more insight in return that you spend.

So if you want more, if you want to take your knowledge to the next level, come on over here.

By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!


 P.S. Connect with me on social media.

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The Real TruthAnd That Is Why Many Of Us Men Are Still SingleKnightBlueGinaFernando Lanas Recent comment authors
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And That Is Why Many Of Us Men Are Still Single
And That Is Why Many Of Us Men Are Still Single

Just too many women nowadays have a very big list of demands when it comes to finding a man to marry. Must have a full head of hair with no baldness at all, be in very excellent shape with no fat at all, have a very excellent high salary job, own a million dollar home, and drive a very expensive car as well. And i am very sure they have more list of demands as well since most of these women nowadays are just real golddiggers to begin with in the first place. Wow, such a list of demands that… Read more »


I met my first boyfriend at age 15 and he was 22 we dated in 2008 and broke up in 2009 I thought he was mr right but he wasn’t nine years after the break up I have not dated another guy it’s a shame that guys don’t show any interest in me


I think another reason a lot of women haven’t met the right one yet is how they present themselves on Okcupid/Tinder/Bumble, etc. You need to look like the caliber of person you want to attract (smart, trustworthy, attractive, not *just* sexy or cute). This site lets you test your pics so you know how they come across to men before you use them on dating apps.


Hi, I am a divorced 28 year old good looking girl. I think I have always attracted wrong men. What I want in a man is to be good looking, very well spoken, broadminded, not religious, and not judgemental. I think there are some guys of this type at work who are intrested in me, but they dont approach maybe because I dont have guy friends and I look very serious when guys are around. But there is this one guy who seems really interested. We have interacted a few times for some official purposes through email. But he seems… Read more »

Fernando Lanas
Fernando Lanas

Why dont you approach him instead?

holly patterson
holly patterson

This is excellent, but the thing is, is its always the other way around. I’m the vulnerable one and the one who is committed. I’m also open and upfront. What I find my main issue is that I keep picking losers. These guys act one way then turn around and do another thing they are not genuine. The good thing is that now with my experiences I don’t waste my time anymore. I don’t think its bad to focus on yourself before you find the right guy, I have heard lots of advice that you should have your own life… Read more »


This article is pure fucking madness.

Motivate yourself to change by typecasting the “ideal” man and then “fixing” yourself to become something you are not to attract this guy?

Jesus. Men are shallow but this is some of the worst dating advice I have ever seen.

Emily Greene
Emily Greene

While well-intentioned, perhaps, I think this entire thing is bogus. Your advice doesn’t work for all women.


Oh my goodness… All the doubts, all the fears… This is pain indeed.
True. These are really reasons for being alone: 1) wanting to be alone (comfy-comfy) 2) not working on yourself to be the woman your man wants 3) not knowing how attraction works.
The best. Again.

Sharon Hall
Sharon Hall

Some people are content to be single. It’s not the horror you make it out to be. Not every person is defined by who they are with. This is the kind of thinking that sent girls to school for their MRS degree.

Brittany Thomas
Brittany Thomas

Well…What about someone like me who keeps attracting men who are ugly?! Not just on the outside, but the inside as well?! The ones who treat me like crap, who seem to think I am no good for anything besides screwing around with?! These same men constantly tell me what all is wrong with me, while exhibiting all kinds of trainwreck behavior! They remind me of my severely abusive father! What about all that, huh?! Someone tell me why all these bad eggs come my way!

Benallou Ali Lisa
Benallou Ali Lisa

One of the reasons most haven’t yet found Mr. Right, is because they waste too much of their time on all the men who are Mr. Wrong.


I have the solution lol…This article is great for girls who have issues and no experience. But I agree with some of the ladies…there is an epidemic of inmature, high maintenance men that do everything to win you over then they sit on their butts, stop doing and being the man you like but expect you to be there and not leave, I love the stupid confused look on their faces when you cut them off and give every reason, they still down own it…why? Because so many women out there are so desperate for a men they will put… Read more »


Men say exactly the same thing about women, and society always has had issues like this.

The real truth here is that people never change, ever. They are the same over and over. All that is different now is that women do not -need- a man anymore; now they just want one. But you can run your own house now, and society isn’t quite used to this yet. Probably gonna take another couple hundred years.

Ivy Autor
Ivy Autor

This is so brilliant. I just turned 19 yesterday. And I want to share that I found the right one, REAL MAN for me last year. One of my bible study leaders asked us to write a list of qualities of the man we pray God would destine for us. I cannot believe that all the qualities and unbelievable signs I have written down will be embodied by a man who’s currently my lover now! I had written some songs that I’d like to hear from him and gifts or surprises I’d love to receive and HE unbelievably made it… Read more »

Sharon Hall
Sharon Hall

A lover.


I appreciate you understand us, I am 30 now n m still single , every time I like someone something comes up n it doesn’t work out, at present I like this guy at my work , but I don’t even know if he likes me back coz he never makes an effort to get close to me infact if I try by saying something nice while chatting, I feel he freaks out, I want to go to next level with him but its frustrating sometimes ,,,,I m so lost here,


I loved your article, and yes most of it can be related to the law of attraction, In this case more like a Mirror Law, You attract what you are, and It has happened to me over my many years of dating. It’s not being aware of my own flaws that had lead me to really hurtful and unhealthy relationships, the problem now; after realizing all the changes I had to do within myself is, that the expectations I have of a man that I now want in my life might be to high, since Im trying to be my… Read more »

Chanda Thomsen
Chanda Thomsen

Actually the reason I have not met the right man is because all men want an anorexic 20 year old woman that is vacuous. Seriously. We have a stunted generation of Peter Pan men and no matter how much you work on you some women, like me will die alone.


I agree! The men are too boy like and immature now. I am attractive and I get asked out a couple of times a week and I just don’t go. I’d rather be by myself, with my friends or family than with little boys or men that are control freaks. (Which it seems to be a dichotomy : either immature boys or control freaks or even worse both of those qualities together! ) Granted there are great men out there but they are far and few between – the great men are usually taken and if they are not they… Read more »


Men have always been biologically programmed to seek young and beautiful women to bear offspring with. This is not a generational thing and will never change. Accept that you squandered your youth riding cock instead of using it to secure a high value man. Men have always been like this.


I think you are a genius thanks for all those beautiful advice, now I understand why I haven’t find anyone wet. There is one thing I must correct you on. When God created man and woman He gave us the ability to love one another, God told us that the truth love, is gentle, caring, giving, patient, loyal, give support, doesn’t, envy, isn’t selfish.


Being trying to attract the right man using the law of attraction countless times and it simply dosnt work for this
Don’t relate to this article at all.

Rina kult

You are so right Renee,brilliant as usual!

The Real Truth
The Real Truth

With so many women sleeping around all the time with different men, then how in the world would they be able to commit to just only one man?


Renee, I loved this post! I have been reading all of your articles including 17 attraction triggers and I plan on buying the understanding men master class! I feel that I have become so aware in understanding men and becoming the best juicy vulnerable feminine woman I can be(I am working on that every day) but my question is how should my mind set be currently when dating and meeting new men daily along with a man Who I’ve been dating more seriously and a new guy friend who is now showing more signs of attraction toward me, when I… Read more »


“I don’t know if my mind set should be more go with the flow of dating and not to not expect commitment”

Don’t date a men if you still don’t have any courage to commitment with a man or anyone. It’s better for both of you, and for the best part you don’t heart men feelings towards you. It;s your problem / desires to not seeking for a commitment for unknown times. So you need to fix it first or live with it.

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