Article Updated 2020
Learn how you may be ruining your chances of finding the right man for you
You’re single and attracting a man who wants a committed, loving relationship with you seems impossible.
If you have not had a boyfriend in a few years or more, or if you keep ending up in relationships where the man goes hot and cold, and the women around you are getting their happy endings, it can seriously make you think, can’t it?
It’s easy to start worrying –
What if you’re not enough?
What if you don’t have the qualities to keep a man interested?
What if…..(touch wood) you’ll never find a man who wants the same things as you do?
Well, none of these things are true.
It’s not that you are not enough, it’s not that you do not have the qualities to keep a man interested, and it is CERTAINLY not that you will never find a man who wants the same things you do.
This may piss you off, but there are men out there waiting to devote themselves to you.
Most men are not stupid and unwilling to commit as many women like to make out that they are. In fact, men actually DO want to commit and have a relationship with you. See this video on 3 Reasons All Men Secretly Love to Commit. (video made by my husband)
It’s just that they need YOUR help.
They need you to help YOURSELF.
They need YOU to become the kind of woman that is easy to want a relationship with, because he feels COMPELLED to take care of you and love you forever.
Most men don’t have a whole lot of cognitive awareness of what they truly need or want in a woman in order to fall in love with her and commit to her….until she shows up in his life. So your job is to know the dating game well and show up as the ‘one and only’ kind of woman rather than the ‘one of many’ kind of woman, so that men will actually come to you and ask you out and want to commit to you.
Here is the bad news about meeting the right man for you:
If you have not met anybody who is ‘right’ in a while, and you feel down about it, the likelihood is that you will not ever meet a man and have your ideal happy ending.
Instead – what will happen is you will probably ‘settle’ for someone who seems ‘good enough’ because inside you are starving for love and for intimacy and feel willing to settle for any man that seems like he might provide the intimacy and security that you want, even if he is the wrong man for you. (Click here to complete the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)
How do I know this?
I know this because I’ve learned from people who are smarter than me – for example, research has shown over and over that most people have the same thoughts they did yesterday, and most people have the same thoughts they had last week, and most people have the same thoughts they had last month, last year….
In other words, most people never change.
And this applies to how you think (your mindset) towards your relationships and men as well.
As Einstein once said: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
Even a simple change in mindset could lead you 50% closer to meeting the right ‘HIM’.
By the way, there are exactly 7 signs that a woman is low value to men. Do you know what these signs are?(And how to avoid them like the plague?) find out here.
So here’s what I believe: if you don’t know WHY you are not attracting the right one for you – and you don’t know how to make the changes within YOURSELF to be able to attract the right man for you – you never will attract the right man for you.
And I really want you to attract the right man for you – because I know it is possible, and because I know that life being single is lots of fun at times – but you never get the beauty and the JUICE in your life that you can get from opening yourself to an intimate relationship with a man.
One of the best ways to find the right man for you is to gain AWARENESS!
Once you have the gift of AWARENESS of why you have not yet found the right one for you, you could step out and find him faster than you ever imagined.
The good news is that the change doesn’t have to mean a lot of EFFORT. EFFORT is useless to you.
You could bang your face against a brick wall 30 times and that’d be really cool but you’d still end up with a bruised and battered face afterwards.
Even though you put a lot of EFFORT in to it!
I believe what you and I really need is the vulnerability to truly love and appreciate a man and the awareness to know that entering a relationship always means you will experience pain – and being OK with it.
What you also need is to be open minded enough to understand and appreciate a few things about what men find high value and worthy of committing to, rather than making men wrong and blaming them (or blaming yourself, because neither sex is to blame – we all just need to understand and appreciate more).
(What is the ONE thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say? Click here to find out right now…)
So if you want to avoid being alone for the rest of your life, you need to read these reasons:
3 Reasons why you have not met the right one yet:
1) You actually want to be alone.
You may not THINK you actually want to be alone, because you keep wanting that special someone in your life; but you actually do.
I put this reason first because it is common. You may LOGICALLY want a relationship, and logically want to find the right man, but beyond what your logical mind says – you’re actually more interested in living life alone, because it’s easier that way.
Yes, I said it’s easier that way.
You actually perceive that being ALONE, and being ‘independent’ meets your needs far more than being in a relationship ever would, so in actual fact, you’d never really give up your need to be alone.
So many women want a relationship, but they’re so scared that if they get involved with a man and truly love a man, that ALL their fears will surface, and they’ll have to deal with not only their OWN fears, but the fears and desires and the NEEDS of a man.
When you’re alone, you don’t have to OPEN yourself.
You can do whatever you want, whenever you want!
You don’t have to be vulnerable.
And the trouble is, vulnerability is one of the primary things men want from you.
They need to see your vulnerability in order to enter in to a relationship with you.
Your femininity and your vulnerability moves a man far beyond what a good ‘bum’ or a nice pair of legs does for him.
So what we really have here is a contradiction.
You want a relationship and to find the right one, yet –
You are actually stopping yourself from having it.
Your LOGICAL mind says you want a relationship, but as a human being, you’re still an animal in most respects, so you are not driven by your logical mind!
You’re driven by something else – more so your subconscious perceptions about what being in a relationship with the right man would mean to you.
And what is in your subconscious often comes from past hurts with other men, or even male members of your own family.
So, you might very well start to get involved with a man, but as soon as he does something that pushes your hot buttons and makes you squirm, and makes you feel insecure, you’re no longer focusing on how much love you have inside of you that you have to GIVE – which would give you confidence, instead you sabotage the relationship by pushing him away.
He does something that upsets you, so you start to focus on how he’s going to leave you or get sick of you or break up with you over qualities that you think you lack.
And of course, a man feels this, so the relationship starts to die after 3-5 months because it’s not blossoming as a relationship should, in actual fact, the relationship is falling victim to your fears and HIS fears.
When one person chronically feels like they are not enough, the relationship suffers.
(Note: it’s perfectly fine to feel like you’re not enough at times, because we all do! But huge issues come when we LIVE in fear that we are not enough – because it causes us to shrink and hide away, rather than add value to our relationships!)
It goes like this: as soon as he does something that triggers a fear inside of you – you do something that scares him and pushes him away.
We SAY we want something, but our subconscious mind drives us to do things that sabotage the very thing we want.
It’s a contradiction.
Somebody wants to be successful, but inside, they’re really afraid of losing the love of the people around them when they become successful.
Somebody says they want a relationship – but they don’t want to be vulnerable.
Somebody says they want a relationship, but they are not willing to commit to anything.
So how can you change this?
Here is a step to change your own contradictions so you don’t sabotage your own path to finding the right one:
YOUR ACTION STEP:
Every time you are dating a man and find yourself acting our of fear and sabotaging the relationship, bring the focus back to feeling loved, worthy and loving.
Of course, you cannot properly do this if you have overwhelming emotions that are taking over you, so, prioritise feeling first. Feeling is important, but at some point, you have to get back up and become emotionally resourceful.
So take a moment to think about all the things the moments that you have felt loved, worthy and safe.
Think about being with someone you love deeply.
Think about someone who embraced you lovingly as a little girl.
Think about a time when you felt immense pride for yourself.
Think about a time when somebody told you that you were nice, generous or beautiful. This will allow you develop some emotional resources to stop sabotaging your relationship or your love life.
Most importantly, thank yourself for being YOU. You are perfect as you are, you always have been!
You have to consciously focus on the things that are going to benefit you and ALLOW you to effortlessly find the right one for you. I bet money on the fact that even those of us who have had horrible lives can find at least one moment in their past – ONE memory that they can hold onto, to help them melt their fear and instead feel loved and worthy.
All the resources you need are already there, in your past, so don’t forget them.
But don’t make this mistake:
If you want to feel emotionally resourceful, try not to dwell too long on disempowering, bad quality questions questions like:
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why am I the only one who doesn’t get a happy ending?”
These won’t help you be in the right emotional state to find and meet the right one. They’ll just take you around and around in circles.
As soon as you find yourself focusing on these things, bring the focus BACK to loving, happy moments from your past, moments where you’re felt proud of yourself. Basically, never underestimate the power of an imaginary friend. When all else fails, be your own best friend.
2) You keep playing the game of being the ‘one of many’ kind of woman rather than the ‘one and only’.
Have you ever felt that you keep attracting the wrong kinds of men? Maybe you feel like you have no problem attracting men, but keeping them is the issue?
Have you ever felt like you have the ability to attract men to you, but the ones who want you are the ones YOU aren’t really interested in having a relationship with?
Perhaps you find you end up with the bad boys who aren’t really relationship material?
Maybe you want a commitment but you keep attracting men who don’t want to commit to you?
And this keep happening again and again?
Well, the reason for this is that most likely, you’re playing the game of showing up as the ‘one of many’ kind of woman, rather than the ‘one and only’ type of woman. Men will subconsciously categorise women that they meet into two different categories (and they often pursue them with the same intensity in the beginning).
These two categories are:
- The one and only; and
- The one of many
In our politically correct western world, often, women waste their best years showing up as the ‘one of many’ kind of woman, due to peer pressure and due to society’s pressure to ‘put out’ and not ‘waste your years with just one person’. People tell you, “don’t settle down too young! Have fun while you can!”
But do these people really care about you? Often, these people are parroting stupid phrases they think make them sound cool. Think about it. If you have found your perfect 10 as a woman or a man, why would you keep searching? What, you keep searching for the sake of searching? Well that’s very smart isn’t it?
The reality is – there’s a huge price to pay for going through lots of people. There’s also a price to pay for appealing to men’s sexual desire from the first moment you meet them. This price often is that you’ll be categorised as the ‘one of many’ kind of woman. And that’s partly because for a man to fall in love with you, and see you as the ‘one and only’ type of woman, he needs to feel your loyalty. There’s no loyalty in jumping ship all the time or viewing the dating world as a meat market ready for your sexual pleasure.
When you’re the ‘one of many’ kind of woman, it becomes very hard to reverse time, very hard to change the basket he subconsciously put you in, and become his one and only. You can in theory change the basket- because you’re capable of anything you want – but the problem is that when you were the ‘one of many’ woman from the start, this usually means that there was not enough emotional connection and emotional attraction to begin with, in order to start off as his one and only.
Here’s what I believe. I believe that it is futile to try to short-cut the very organic process of naturally building emotional attraction and emotional connection. To try to short-cut this process by appealing to men’s sexual desire, costs us emotional commitment from men.
YOUR ACTION STEP:
So, the best thing to do to get men to want to commit to you fast, is to start with a genuine desire to connect. As you may have heard before, in relationships, it’s the men who are the hopeless romantics – the ones who fall in love faster than women, and the ones who truly see their ‘one and only’ as different from all the other women. (As such, what men value in a relationship is emotional connection and emotional attraction).
This doesn’t mean that women don’t fall madly in love (and not just lust), because we do – but women have been shown through research to be a bit more pragmatic than men in love. We look for his provider value and status and resources, whereas men (when they meet the right woman), just like to fall in love and commit to the right woman.
So, start with a genuine desire to connect with men. Appreciate the masculinity in every single man – look for their masculinity – even if it’s just a passion for video games and he doesn’t have a high paying job. Seek to connect and appreciate – for yourself – to add value to yourself and to appreciate the world. Stop appealing to men’s sexual desire or trying to be sexy, because, guess what? The right man will not give a damn – when you’re the one and only woman, he cares about you, because he’s emotionally attached to you.
When you’ve already established at least a 7 out of 10 level of emotional connection and emotional attraction (is in, he feels a 7 out of 10 level of both these things and so do you), then of course, you can bring out the sexual side – just don’t try to appeal to his sexual desire very early on, because it can ruin the process of building emotional attraction and emotional connection.
If you want to know the 5 secrets to Becoming His One & Only and have him fall in love and beg to commit to you, then get my FREE DVD “Becoming His One & Only”, you won’t regret it. I made it for you, and because it’s FREE, you really have nothing to lose. Check it out here: www.bhoodvd.com.
3) You are not interacting with enough men.
I know how hard it is after a long day/week of work to make the effort to talk to anybody, or to meet men. But you don’t have to work harder! All you need to do is interact with more men during your daily running of errands, at the post office, in the grocery store, or even in the coffee shop. (in the elevator even?)
As you know, men generally find it very hard to approach women because of their fear of rejection by women – and this fear is paralysing for them at times. So, to help men come towards you, simply remove this fear for them first.
How do you do that? Well, if you do feel he’s a decent guy, just give him a slight look of acceptance FIRST. You can do this through your eyes, as an accepting look, or you can do this through your smile as an accepting smile.
This will help you engage with more men and remove their fears of approaching you. Now, obviously, you don’t want to do this with EVERY man, because you will attract even the dirtbags your way – and you really don’t want to risk getting assaulted or raped.
So, use your intuition and if he seems like a lowlife, then consider him a ‘pass’. Your body already has all the intelligence it needs in order to discern a man’s value in the first few seconds of laying eyes on him. So use that innate intelligence and don’t be silly and smile at every Tom Dick and Harry because some Tom is going to jump on it and think this is his lucky day (maybe it’ll be the last lucky day he will have!)
If you’re interested in learning how to attract men, then I have something very special for you. I’ve made a guide called ‘The 17 Attraction Triggers” and you can check out the 17 triggers and Attraction Control Monthly by clicking here.
What to do RIGHT NOW to bring Mr. Right in to your Life:
So, right now, if you still haven’t found your Mr. Right. Here is what I want you to do.
Close your eyes.
Imagine him. Imagine him…what he looks like, how he stands, how he smiles, how he talks….imagine what he values. Imagine his personality.
Feel inside yourself how nice it would feel to have this wonderful man in your life, who just takes your life to the NEXT LEVEL.
And then ask yourself this question:
“Where is this man?”
“Where does he spend his Saturday afternoons?”
“What are his passions?”
“What does he do for fun?”
Imagine where he is, and TAKE ACTION NOW, and GO where he would be.
If he is a spiritual kind of guy, go to a self development seminar.
If your Mr. Right loves football, go to a football game with a girlfriend.
And even if you DON’T get a conversation started with a man at the place you think your Mr. Right might hang out – at least you get to observe what this kind of man is like. You get to observe the football loving kind of man, for example.
Do you know the dark art of “High Value Banter” that helps you quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”? CLICK HERE to learn how in this free class.
Every Time you don’t get Asked out is a Chance to Learn
Let me just say one last thing: it does not matter whether you DO go out and a man DOESN’T ask for your number.
Because EVERY TIME you go out; every time you step outside of your comfort zone to do something, you take home a beautiful gift: you get the esteem of knowing that you did something uncomfortable, and you get to learn.
You get the gift of learning.
And you’ll be surprised how far this learning will take you on your road to finding Mr. Right.
By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!
If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.
By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.