Learn how you may be ruining your chances of finding the right man for you
You’re single and attracting a man who wants a committed, loving relationship with you seems impossible.
If you have not had a boyfriend in a year or more, or if you keep ending up in relationships where the man goes hot and cold, and the women around you are getting their happy endings, it can seriously make you think, can’t it?
It’s easy to start worrying -
What if you’re not enough?
What if you don’t have the qualities to keep a man interested?
What if…..(touch wood) you’ll never find a man who wants the same things as you do?
Well, none of these things are true.
It’s not that you are not enough, it’s not that you do not have the qualities to keep a man interested, and it is CERTAINLY not that you will never find a man who wants the same things you do.
This may piss you off, but there are men out there waiting to devote themselves to you.
Most men are not stupid and unwilling to commit as many women like to make out that they are. In fact, men actually DO want to commit and have a relationship with you.
It’s just that they need YOUR help.
They need you to help YOURSELF.
They need YOU to become the kind of woman that is easy to want a relationship with, because he feels COMPELLED to take care of you and love you forever.
Here is the bad news about meeting the right man for you:
If you have not met anybody who is ‘right’ in a while, and you feel down about it, the likelihood is that you will not ever meet a man and have your ideal happy ending.
Instead – what will happen is you will probably ‘settle’ for someone who seems ‘good enough’ because inside you are starving for love and for intimacy and feel willing to settle for any man that seems like he might provide the intimacy and security that you want, even if he is the wrong man for you.
How do I know this?
It’s simple.
I know this because research has shown over and over that most people have the same thoughts they did yesterday, and most people have the same thoughts they had last week, and most people have the same thoughts they had last month, last year….
In other words, most people never change.
And this applies to how you think (your mindset) towards your relationships and men as well.
As Einstein once said: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
Even a simple change in mindset could lead you 50% closer to meeting the right ‘HIM’.
So the bad news is that if you don’t know WHY you are not attracting the right one for you – and you don’t know how to make the changes within YOURSELF to be able to attract the right man for you – you never will attract the right man for you.
And I really want you to attract the right man for you – because I know it is possible, and because I know that life being single is lots of fun at times – but you never get the beauty and the sense of aliveness and the JUICE in your life when you’re single that you can get from opening yourself to an intimate relationship with a man.
The common reasons why Single Women Haven’t been able to find the Right Man
There are only a few MAIN reasons why any woman has NOT found and met the right man for her yet.
And I’m about to give you these reasons.
I have noticed and found repetitive, common patterns that routinely STOP a woman from finding and having a committed relationship with her’one’.
No matter HOW ‘complex’ the situation is – no matter how many justifications you have – there are only a few main reasons why the right one is not currently in your life.
And the change has to start with YOU.
One of the best ways to find the right man for you is to gain AWARENESS!
And here is the GOOD news:
Once you have the gift of AWARENESS of why you have not yet found the right one for you, you could step out and find him faster than you ever imagined.
The good news is that the change doesn’t have to mean a lot of EFFORT. EFFORT is useless to you.
You could effortfully bang your face against a brick wall 30 times and that’d be really cool but you’d still end up with a bruised and battered face afterwards.
Even though you put a lot of EFFORT in to it!
What you need is a willingness to truly love a man and the awareness to know that entering a relationship always means you will experience pain – and being ok with it.
This doesn’t mean you should expect him to cheat on you - and it doesn’t mean you should expect to end up curled up on the floor in the bathroom crying your eyes out over a man.
Not at all!
It just means that being in a close relationship with another human being is a risk any day of the week.
Everyone has been hurt and experiences pain in an intimate relationship before.
It’s the thinking that we should NOT feel pain that makes us miserable beyond words.
Pain is a part of life and pain is a part of having a relationship.
So if you want to avoid being alone for the rest of your life, and instead experience the joy and the ecstacy that comes with having a funny, handsome, intelligent man who is right for you and who will be there for you always – no questions asked, and love you so deeply that he can’t even IMAGINE being with someone else, it’s possible, and to get it you need to read these reasons:
3 Reasons why you have not met the right one yet:
1) You actually want to be alone.
You may not THINK you actually want to be alone, because you keep wanting that special someone in your life; but you actually do.
I put this reason first because it is common. You may LOGICALLY want a relationship, and logically want to find the right man, but beyond what your logical mind says – you’re actually more interested in living life alone, because it’s easier that way.
Yes, I said it’s easier that way.
You actually perceive that being ALONE, and being ‘independent’ meets your needs far more than being in a relationship ever would,
so in actual fact, you’d never really give up your need to be alone.
So many women want a relationship, but they’re so scared that if they get involved with a man and truly love a man, that ALL their fears will surface, and they’ll have to deal with not only their OWN fears, but the fears and desires and the NEEDS of a man.
When you’re alone, you don’t have to OPEN yourself.
You can do whatever you want, whenever you want!
You don’t have to be VULNERABLE.
And the trouble is, vulnerability is one of the primary things men want from you.
They need to see your vulnerability in order to enter in to a relationship with you.
Your femininity and your vulnerability moves a man far beyond what a good ‘behind’ or a nice pair of legs does for him.
So what we really have here is a contradiction.
You want a relationship and to find the right one, yet -
You are actually stopping yourself from having it.
Your LOGICAL mind says you want a relationship, but as a human being, you’re still an animal in most respects, so you are not driven by your logical mind!
You’re driven by something else – moreso your subconscious perceptions about what being in a relationship with the right man would mean to you.
And what is in your subconscious often comes from past hurts with other men, or even male members of your own family.
So, you might very well start to get involved with a man, but as soon as he does something that pushes your hot buttons and makes you squirm, and makes you feel insecure, you’re no longer focusing on how much love you have inside of you that you have to GIVE - which would give you confidence.
He does something that upsets you, so you start to focus on how he’s going to leave you or get sick of you or break up with you over qualities that you lack.
And of course, a man feels this, so the relationship starts to die after 3-5 months because it’s not blossiming as a relationship should, in actual fact, the relationship is falling victim to your fears and HIS fears.
As soon as he does something that triggers a fear inside of you - you do something that scares him and pushes him away.
This kind of pattern happens a lot in life. It happens with people who have insomnia, it happens with people who are trying to lose weight, it happens to people who are trying to be outrageously successful at something in life.
We SAY we want something, but our subconscious mind drives us to do things that sabotage the very thing we want.
It’s a contradiction.
Somebody wants to be successful, but inside, they’re really afraid of losing the love of the people around them when they become successful.
Somebody says they want a relationship – but they don’t want to be vulnerable.
Somebody says they want a relationship, but they are not willing to commit to anything.
So how can you change this?
Here is a step to change your own contradictions so you don’t sabotage your own path to finding the right one:
YOUR ACTION STEP:
Every time you are dating a man and find yourself acting our of fear and sabotaging the relationship, bring the focus back to feeling confident.
Take a moment to think about all the things the moments that you have felt proud and confident, and safe.
Think about being with someone you love.
You have to consciously focus on the things that are going to benefit you and ALLOW you to effortlessly find the right one for you.
But don’t make this mistake:
Don’t focus on this:
“I want a relationship.”
“I need a relationship”
“Why don’t I have a man yet?”
“Why have I been single for so long”
These won’t help you be in the right emotional state to find and meet the right one. They’ll just take you around and around in circles.
As soon as you find yourself focusing on these things, bring the focus BACK to happy moments from your past, moments where you’re felt proud of yourself.
Even moments where you were in love.
2) The SECOND reason you haven’t found the right one yet is because:
You don’t really know how to Attract the Right one for You.
Have you ever felt that you keep attracting the wrong kinds of men?
Have you ever felt like you have the ability to attract men to you, but the ones who want you are the ones YOU aren’t really interested in having a relationship with?
Perhaps you find you end up with the bad boys who aren’t really relationship material?
Maybe you want a commitment but you keep attracting men who don’t want to commit to you?
And this keep happening again and again?
Have you ever heard of the law of attraction?
Do you believe in it?
A lot of people recommend that you use the law of attraction to get your ideal mate/life partner.
The Law of Attraction basically says that you attract in your life whatever you think about.
So many dating experts say you should get clear on what kind of man you want and list down all the qualities he must have.
And this is great – a lot of women have lists of what they want in their ideal man – but there is one HUGE mistake people make when they go to work out what kind of partner the want, and this mistake COSTS you the very thing you want – that wonderful man you want in your life.
People don’t realise that you cannot JUST focus on the qualities you want in the OTHER person – you have to know AND focus on what kind of woman that kind of man would want in order to attract him!
And this brings YOU happiness, which is the most important thing.
Because, you get to grow and make progress in the meantime instead of just being busy all the time eliminating men because they’re
apparently not your type.
So you go and think about what YOU want in a man, and you’re very CLEAR on how HE has to be – but you have not EVER thought about the kind of person YOU would have to be to attract the kind of man you want in to your life.
If you want an exciting man who you are attracted to and who ALSO makes you feel secure; you can’t attract him if you’re a pleaser.
If you want an honest man of integrity who won’t cheat on you; you cannot attract him if you are not honest with yourself about your true feelings; and trying to cover them up. You’re not even being honest or authentic either.
If you want a man who is generous and giving but you are not willing to give unless he gives to you first – he’s not going to show up in your life.
So here’s what you need to do right now to attract that intelligent, handsome, and loving man in to your life:
1) on one piece of paper, write down ALL the qualities you ideally want in your dream man.
Include everything from what he looks like to what kind of meal he’d like to have with you together on a Saturday night in to what his ideal Sunday morning activity would be.
2) And then on ANOTHER piece of paper, write down all the qualities you would need to become the kind of person whom your dream man would want.
And then each day, you need to focus on this man that you want, and go to work on yourself to become that kind of woman your dream man actually wants.
3) The THIRD reason you have not found the right one yet is because you are not consciously aware of what really draws men to you, so you are not meeting and attracting enough quality men, or drawing enough men in to your world so that you have more good men to choose from.
When you know how to draw men to you through your femininity, you get far closer to Mr. Right because you have more men around you who are interested.
Most women focus intently on looking their best or making themselves look prettier, and they think that this will give them a better chance at attracting a high quality man.
Whilst it is true that looking your best gives you advantages, what you really need is more conscious AWARENESS of what really, actually works. Even better if it is PROVEN to work to attract men.
Firstly, if you want to attract your right man (or any man) faster, and waste no more precious time, you need to get the insight on the
17 Attraction Triggers.
These 17 attraction triggers are proven to work to draw men’s attention to you.
In my program ’17 Instant Triggers that guarantee to get any man’s blood boiling uncontrollably’, I show you how to easily use the most
primal triggers to create attraction with men.
And when you sign up to the 17 Attraction Triggers program, you also get the first month of my program Attraction Control Monthly for free. Check it out here.
In that first volume o our monthly program Attraction Control, we teach not only the most BASIC triggers of attraction, but how attraction with a man really works.
I give you a behind the scenes look at how attraction between a man and a woman begins AND how it can be maintained in a long-term
relationship.
Most of us just do what we automatically ‘think’ is the right thing to do with a man, and we float along aimlessly, never getting the insight that we consciously NEED in order to build a successful relationship with the man we want.
And when something goes wrong, and he pulls away or loses attraction for us, and we don’t know why. So we just fret. And that always damages things because when we act from fear, we sabotage the very thing we are wanting to fix.
Here’s an interesting statistic: 80% of long-term relationships and marriages fail.
There’s a reason for this: us humans were not originally built to be lasting relationships.
We aren’t born with the knowledge on how to maintain a relationship with the opposite sex. Like most things, we need to learn what makes it work.
And of course, as you already know, nobody gives us this knowledge. We get taught math, science, writing, literature, sports, languages - everything but what WORKS in relationships.
We need to get insight in to what makes a relationship both loving AND passionate for as long as we want the relationship to last.
We need insight in to how to actually attract a man. That’s insight that I’ve aimed to give you in this article here, and if you want to take it further and learn more, check out the 17 triggers and Attraction Control Monthly.
How you sabotage your own chances of making a relationship work with a man
See, us humans don’t just come with a HUMAN brain. We come with three different brains, and the one that makes us SURVIVE is the very same brain that makes it difficult for us to maintain a long-term relationship!
This survival brain (called the lizard brain by some psychologists) controls us far more than we think.
And if we don’t keep it in check, we ALWAYS do things that sabotage our own plans with a relationship, or even work, family, our bodies
and our health.
A good and quick example of how this lizard brain takes hold of us more than we think is people who are trying to lose weight.
They might do a little bit of exercise or go on some crazy diet, but then…somehow justify to themselves – “ok just one more doughnut”.
Have you ever done something like this?
Maybe you planned to do something that you KNEW was good for your life, like catch up with that friend, like finish reading that great book that would teach you something you need to know, or maybe you’ve told yourself you would STOP doing something bad that you’ve gotten in to a habit of doing, and yet -
you STILL DIDN’T STOP?
This is exactly the same mechanism that stops us from having the man we want and having and keeping the RELATIONSHIP we want.
This is why I say we must get conscious AWARENESS of what we are doing to attract the right man, and keep that same right man – and be his goddess forever.
Floating around, not knowing how to manage OURSELVES or our ability to attract the right man has its bad consequences.
There’s one HUGE proble with floating around like this:
You only have so much time. You only have one life.
And you can’t spend it not educating yourself and getting insight to what works with men, and what will help you get in to that beautiful, loving relationship that you want.
I believe we owe it to ourselves to get understanding and even MORESO we owe it to ourselves to TAKE ACTION.
What to do RIGHT NOW to bring Mr. Right in to your Life:
So, right now, if you still haven’t found your Mr. Right. Here is what I want you to do.
Close your eyes.
Imagine him. Imagine him…what he looks like, how he stands, how he smiles, how he talks….imagine what he values. Imagine his personality.
Feel inside yourself how nice it would feel to have this wonderful man in your life, who just takes your life to the NEXT LEVEL.
And then ask yourself this question:
“Where is this man?”
“Where does he spend his Saturday afternoons?”
“What are his passions?”
“What does he do for fun?”
Imagine where he is, and TAKE ACTION NOW, and GO where he would be.
If he is a spiritual kind of guy, go to a self development seminar.
If your Mr. Right loves football, go to a football game with a girlfriend (or a guy friend!).
And even if you DON’T get a conversation started with a man at the place you think your Mr. Right might hang out – at least you get to observe what this kind of man is like. You get to observe the football loving kind of man, for example.
Every Time you don’t get Asked out is a Chance to Learn
Let me just say one last thing: it does not matter whether you DO go out and a man DOESN’T ask for your number.
Why?
Because EVERY TIME you go out; every time you step outside of your comfort zone to do something, you take home a beautiful gift: you get to learn.
You get the gift of learning.
And you’ll be surprised how far this learning will take you on your road to finding Mr. Right.
The Blessing in Disguise:
Most women go out a few times, notice that men are interested, and then complain that men don’t approach them. However, every time this happens, you learn something! Things don’t always happen immediately. Sometimes, the universe wants you to learn a little more or pay a little more attention, and just TAKE MORE ACTION.
And the more action you take, the more deserving you become of the RIGHT man for you.
The LESS likely you’ll end up with Mr. Near Enough is Good Enough.
Or Mr. Down Right Wrong.
And, if you want to make things quicker and easier for yourself, and if you want insight in to drawing men in to your life – join us and learn the 17 Attraction Triggers.
At that ridiculously low price, you’ll get far more insight in return that you spend.
So if you want more, if you want to take your knowledge to the next level, come on over here.
By the way – leave a comment below and share with us your story about finding the right man, and why YOU think most women have trouble finding Mr. Right. I’m curious to know what you think, I want to know what you think would help women get closer to finding their Mr. Right.
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Tags: how to find love, how to find mr right, how to find the right man, where to meet men
Leave A Reply (43 comments so far)
Camille
9 days ago
I feel one of the main reasons some women have trouble with finding the right man is that they having dealt with the pain from the past relationships and that is very important before you can move on. I don’t resent any of my past relationships..I use to but I don’t anymore. I accept the fact that it didn’t work out and I took something away from all of my relationships..the good and the bad. I knew I had to heal my heart before I allow someone else in. You have keep your heart open because that’s the only way love will find its way in, but if you heart is broken you can’t just put a bandaid on it, you have to heal it from the inside out, before you can receive love again. I don’t want to pay the price for what another woman has done to a man. We women have to make sure we are emotionally ready to deal with the relationship. I know that there is a possibility that I will get hurt.. but I’m okay with that, and I agree with Renee, it’s all about your mindset. Every year I say new year=new mindset. I wish happiness and love for everybody!
[Reply]
caroline
76 days ago
Hi Renee,
I have to say sometimes I feel like your in my head and you know what I am thinking. Like for the past few days I have been thinking on why I sabotage relationships in my life especially with guys and the thought that I don’t want to be vulnerable, I prefer being single for now. I am working on attracting high quality men and not just men who are not my type and wasting time with them. But I am grateful for your lessons, they have taught me a lot and understanding men and their perspective.
[Reply]
Steve Reply:
May 25th, 2013 at 9:50 am
try accepting a man for who he really is instead of looking for the Rich MAN today, and i am looking for a good woman that can just accept me for who i am. it is very sad that most women want a man with a lot of money now, unlike the women that did accept their men for who they were years ago which they were very committed to them too.
[Reply]
Steve
80 days ago
it is very hard for us guys looking to meet a good woman too, and it is just so very hard for the good men and women to connect with one another nowadays.
[Reply]
Neferyuya
84 days ago
P.S. Thank you Renee & David for helping me.
To know what is really my issue helps me not feel frightened at the thought of
“will this pattern repeat” no it won’t because I know the cause – you gave me the exercises and knowledge to figure out my individual issues. You did not give me pat answers “one size fits all”
I didn’t expect that.
xox
[Reply]
ConfusedLady
84 days ago
I deeply care about the man im with but ive given and given and workef on meeting his needs. He serms pretty happy, very committed and ive given him his freedom… but I go to bed at night feeling empty and lonely. Im in a relationship and I feel alone… im all about owning my part but am I in the wrong relationship? Or am I missing something? He says he loves me but I just dont feel something… something doesnt feel good and idk what it is?
[Reply]
Neferyuya Reply:
March 27th, 2013 at 3:19 am
Confused Lady – you touch my soul;
I’ve felt like that before because I chose my loves from a place of logic.
Basically, I was acting like my parents and picking who my parents would approve of.
Then I realized that I wanted a good man yes – but if he does not make my heart skip a beat
than my side of the attraction is already not there, I feel I can not grow attraction as I thought before.
I either am or I am not attracted.
My parents had good intentions, but they lacked passion though they were married all my life.
So, my test is easy – if he’s not the one who makes my heart pound when I meet him who keeps me feeling that way then he is not the “one” for me. Because if that attraction is not there then
relationship feels empty always because attraction does not grow like comfortable familiarity does.I can not even work on being more attracted to the men who don’t attract me – I would have to find what does attract me; I found that the “mother” qualities I have are how a couple of ex boyfriends got me to go back with them too – I mean by saying that; that I felt sorry for them and went back with them, not because I had a burning desire for them.
So, now I know this about myself….I did not fully articulate this before taking one of Renee’s programs Understanding Men. I could feel it in my soul that there was some thing missing.
Now I can say it to myself and not go breaking hearts that are not touching mine.
I don’t see my past failed relationships as all the guys fault. I know my part and it is this that I just said.
I sure hope that your answer is simpler and better for you.
But if you feel this that I type – I’ll tell you -
I was choosing the men from a place of logic in the past
and not heart stopping feelings of love.
I am single now;
I know a guy right now who makes my heart skip
when just thinking of him, he is a good man too
and guess what,
all those guys who are logical choices are every where right now
coming up and talking with me, however, I already have connection and attraction
to the one who attracts my heart to really fall in love – that is scary –
but I am not picking the ones who don’t make my heart want to open up
while the one I want is getting distance and doing pretty much every thing Renee talks about.
That would be an evil passionless sideswipe to him.
I already understand the men I really don’t want will skip ahead of the one I want and ask me to be with them. They probably know what the one I want is doing under the surface too.
I will say no this time to the mediocre men for my heart.
I sure hope you are not in that boat.
I wish you joy in life.
[Reply]
candle Reply:
April 10th, 2013 at 12:24 pm
Though u sound nice but I would like to add to that.. There are certain set of guys who actually know wat a girl wants and they attract women very very easily.. they would also make ur heart skip a beat but one has to be careful then and not chose this set of guys..!! these things are temporary.. If everything in ur list is there in the guy one should compromise on the minor points..!! This is how marriages happen esp in India.. and certainly such marriages lasts longer as both partners know what they are compromising and adjusting with so as to make this marriage work..!!
Thank u Renee again for a great article…
[Reply]
Neferyuya Reply:
April 14th, 2013 at 10:59 pm
If they can make my heart skip a beat – it is not looks based.
Just to be clear…
It’s because he laid his life on the line, or did some thing
for someone else that went above and beyond what
ordinary people who normally do.
mary89 Reply:
April 11th, 2013 at 10:40 am
Neferyuya;
I understand you & I think you re doing the right thing. I was last year in a relationship that was approved by my parents, but I wasnot attracted to the boy at all. Now I remember how bad were those obligated awkward dates. I learned a great lesson: to be with the guy who ATTRACTS me, who enlightens my day with his charm. I`m absolutely unable to “grow” attraction as older people told me. Why I should date a guy I have no feelings for? I work on myself now. I`m learning how to attract the guys who attract me, not the ones who just seem right for me. Good Luck!
[Reply]
Neferyuya Reply:
April 14th, 2013 at 11:21 pm
To Mary89
I still have the same man in my life.
I love him more than ever and I realize that is
me opening myself up comfortably to my own
feelings for him. Feelings that are already deeply
in place but that do not surface as much as they
could. That must be what appears to grow that
elders talk about because those feels were already
there not some thing that just started one day after already
knowing him.
I know in my heart he’s the one I truly want to
share the rest of my life with. He’s a good man.
I could not pick a more sensible choice that I would try
to grow feelings for after experiencing this man in my life.
I’m so glad that it can not be done.
Peaceful night to you.
Neferyuya
87 days ago
I am a little chatty because I have some time this morning and my mind is going on
some things that I am thinking of that I am noticing that are happening since I have started focusing on your articles Renee…that there is a relationship of sorts that I am watching in my life that is getting more and more heated up but not in the classic way women have been led to *expect* no, not at all – it is a building relationship that is getting more and more heated the way a man would want it to if he was for real about keeping someone in his life and I am noticing and enjoying noticing those realities.
I prefer thinking of that than to think of the stereo-typical way we women can and do talk to each other about the way we feel about how he makes us feel and what he is doing and planning crap. Wondering what he is doing – pushing our own buttons that make us text too much or whatever it is woman can unwittingly do to push a man away.
No – I am just appreciating things as the grow and build up.
[Reply]
Neferyuya
87 days ago
I have to say something else regarding my most recent comment below.
I notice that there are men around who have become interested in me because they admire the man who I really like – those men are not the man I really most like but they pick up on what I want and come forward because they want to be like that man – I wonder how many times us
women don’t realize that we end up with the guys who want to be like who we want to be with too – but they just don’t have what it takes or are too afraid to have what it takes and then the man and woman end up as a couple full of unrealized wishes together in negativity – kind of like some weird co-dependent thing based on fear as well as having the same dream – so it is specifically the fears of that desired dream that bring the couple together more than the love and commonality
– that is a recipe for a mediocre relationship or even disaster.
[Reply]
Neferyuya Reply:
March 23rd, 2013 at 6:49 am
Oh, and by having what it takes I mean specifically being able to go through solid pure Hell, still be standing up afterwards able to make a new roof for over your head and still have some thing going on for yourself that makes people want to come near you – that is what I had to be like in the face of the ugliest times in my life or I would not be here now
– the man I love, like, admire goes above and beyond me regarding having been through things and coming out in triumph.
That’s hard to beat but – I know and understand that it is the qualities of the kind of man I really
need in order for me to want to give to him every thing I have that is golden that stands out to me as what a good man needs from a woman per Renee articles coupled with my own experience.
Also, there is a person who houses all that right in my life – in the past he may have frightened me a little because I might have not thought I was good enough for him because I was judging myself by my friends words who had not been through much of any thing at all honestly.
[Reply]
Neferyuya
88 days ago
Horrifying things happened in my life the two times just prior to beginning relationships
with my two ex boyfriends who were both long term and not right for me.
Now single again, nothing awful is going on right now and there is a better suited man for me in the
picture who can relate to things I have been through who is stronger from those
kinds of things too. I can no longer re-act to high caliber awful events with the amount of innocence as before due to knowing more about such things – so, I am not worried about messing up in that regard emotionally in front of him – we have already talked a bit about some grime things briefly – my mind goes to whether I am opening up about those things or glazing over them with another who knows….and why.
I see tragic events in life of the past as a serious reason why things had been the way they’d been before in regards to attracting the wrong men to me. I don’t think I was prepared for the man I truly needed at those times or not willing to believe such a man would want to be with me so I think I consciously picked men who did not experience what I had been through in some crazy effort to avoid it in my own mind – however, we can not run away from ourselves.
before reading your articles I could not quite put my finger on what was wrong exactly.
Now, I welcome getting to know the same man I have been getting to know for all the time I have been reading your articles. I see the same line up of characters repeating the pattern of my life and what I respond to this time will be with a lot of education.
Thanks for that Renee.
XOX
Neferyuya
[Reply]
Neferyuya Reply:
March 23rd, 2013 at 6:16 am
oops – I meant to say he and I have talked about *grim* things briefly together, not *grime*
as I have never asked him to take out my garbage.
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Trin
92 days ago
Thank you!! !I I love and understand your point of view!
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shelley
92 days ago
it’s not just women – some men are also picky of who they want to be seen with, personally, i am sick and tired of this stepford caveman syndrome! I’m no VS angel so i doubt anyone would want me,add to the fact that i happen to have a form of autism ,PDD-NOS and it’s no wonder i’m still single! i am sick of people who want perfection and then state Darwin! we’re in the 21st century now, not in the stone age! all i want in the perfect man is that he has a spark of life an is interesting to be with , as well as accept me for who i am , not some pre programmed stereotype, manufactured and offered courtesy of society! is that too much to ask for?!
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Claudia
96 days ago
“Your LOGICAL mind says you want a relationship, but as a human being, you’re still an animal in most respects, so you are not driven by your logical mind!”
But I feel the other way around – my heart want’s the relationship, yet my logical mind tells me I don’t need one! I do believe it can take a lot of effort in some cases, I’ve lived most of my life not truly believing I could ever being in a relationship, not for any logical reason, just because men almost never approached me (and still don’t very often) so the idea of having many men attracted to me is still incredibly difficult to conceive, but day by day, for many years, I have attempted to change my thought processes and replace the “nobody will love me” with “I am lovable and it will come” -
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tara
115 days ago
very good article but im stil a firm believer is what is meant to be wil be not to press love let love come to you today people are to focus on having someone to needy to begin with and mistake lust for love ,, God can still bring the person in your life’s path in his time if meant to be meanwhile work on yourself inside out be ready if and when it does happen!!i’m not needy very able to be on my own but have a lot to share with someone who desires the same in a relashionship , way pass all those games people dating today are playing , trustworthy , kindness love sharing is a condition of one’s heart best wishes to all
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Ana
204 days ago
Hi Renee,
I`ve discovered this webpage by pure coincidence today. I`ve read a few articles and all your theories seem to be way better than the crap people mostly find when looking around for advice.
(P.S. I`m no native English speaker so pardon me if I write things the wrong way or if I can`t convey the right way what I mean ^^`)
Although I`m not looking for a relationship right now (and to tell the truth I`ve NEVER EVER been in one before), I think that your article is telling some crucial things many people don`t know or don`t want to know (Some humans seem to live with the motto “Ignorance is bliss”).
Being aware of not only what others need to be or need to do, but knowing what you should do yourself is important in many aspects of our life; whether it`s about work, friendship, etc
A few years ago I`ve tried to lose weight because my parents bugged me about it, and because I was day dreaming about how better and healthier my life would be if I lost a few pounds. But – unfortunately – like some other teens, I wasn`t ready to change my way of living. I pestered my parents and friends about how annoying dieting (mostly about the fact of getting more physical activity) is and all, while on the other hand I was always telling my self that I myself WASN`T at fault. I was delaying things, eating unhealthy whenever my parents weren`t around and what not.
Guess how long it took me to really stop actually really doing anything?
It was a matter of a few weeks…But I really regret it since back then I had more time besides my studies and private projects to do sport. Plus now there`s no one with enough time or – in the case of my parents – with enough trust in me whom I could ask to build a routine (I think it`s easier to do anything if you`re not alone). But I know that now I have to get rid of my bad eating habits, basically that I`m the one who has to change first, and not my mom and her way of cooking or anyone else in my surrounding.
And since I`ve been aware of that fact I`m way more determined to get myself in better shape.
An now to my opinion on one thing: Finding Mr. Perfect is impossible, since he`s just in our head. Women – and men – will always at some point begin to see flaws in others. What really is important is being able to accept that fact, being more mature about the difference of reality and our expectations and to cope with it.
I`ve seen or rather heard a lot of classmates or adults complain about how disappointed they are about the person they flirted with or dated. Some had found a partner which seemed to fulfill their expectations…and still they always found SOMETHING to still NOT give a try at a serious relationship. I often end saying things like “God, how can you be so complicated about this? You have found a guy/a girl who is interested in you and who seems to be your type…And you give up just because of some freaking little tit bit of a detail!? Have you hurt your head or is it just my brain being in `screwed-up-mode`?”
Plus, I thing it it difficult to build any kind of bond with another human if you are not ready to show a bit of your vulnerability. Never letting other see behind your defense wall means the risk is high they will never understand you…and you won`t be able to understand them,too since I think most people only open up if the other person does the same thing.
I know that it`s fairly difficult – for some people it may been more like nearly impossible – but I don`t think anyone can lead a healthy life and have a real happy relationship with some one else if that person isn`t ready to open up and share his/her feelings, dreams and fears. We humans are social being who need to share such things other wise we`ll get mad. And I don`t mean just talking with plants, birds or so; but it includes getting paranoid, depressed and so on. Only look at some historical figures who we know as dictators, for example Stalin. He never trusted anyone, he was paranoid to the point of seeing enemies everywhere around him. And he surely never – at least my history teacher never mentioned anything in that direction – talked honestly with a fellow comrade of his about his fears. (And NO I`m no communist, nor am I seeing it`s an excuse for his violent, unpardonable and inhuman way of leading Russia, which I would categorize as genocide. I`m just pointing out that he had serious trust issues and I`m talking about him since I can`t come up at the moment with any other person known around the world, who had for sure such issues. Plus, I don`t think anyone knows my neighbors. XD)
And finally, Renee, I think your theories about how to attract men, keeping a relationship and everything are all part of the things I would put in the top of my list of important advices for life.
You really focus on what is important, reaffirming one`s femininity and thus building up our self esteem and confidence as women. If a woman can attract men`s attentions and bring them to get interested in her, then she really can be described as confident, strong and beautiful.
Our society (or rather the media) seems to only focus about esthetics like “The thinner the woman is the more beautiful she looks”(Which is complete crap and a real danger for young girls.) or “Women have to posses melon-sized breast to attract men” (I may be exaggerating, but I somethings get the feeling that it`s what some people really believe… u.u).
I can`t understand those girls and women I talk regularly with and who tell me they still need to do this and this to achieve the beauty esthetics showed up in the majority of the media. They ALL are beautiful, but when ever I or other people tell them this they either get angry or think we are lying. That`s saddening. I really wished women would be able to get rid of all those preconceived ideas.
But what I really appreciate the most in some parts of your articles is the fact that it doesn`t only apply to women, but to men,too.
Keep this up and I wish you the best of luck with the continuation of this whole project, Renee ^^
[Reply]
Renee Wade Reply:
November 26th, 2012 at 4:31 pm
Hi Ana! Thank You for your lovely comment and for sharing your story! I am glad to know you and I believe the same things.
- Renee. xoxox
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Aquila Burdeos M.
232 days ago
hi, i love so much your article it helps me a lot to understand everything how to value relationships for both men and women.thanks so much for such amazing article.
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Linn
364 days ago
There is no such thing as ‘Mister Wrong’ or ‘Right’. There are only valuable (positive AND negative) life experiences with different kinds of people. Humans consciously or sub-consciously add value to the relationships we have. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a very bad way.
.
I’m not sure why, but becoming someone or purposely adjusting yourself in order to attract the kind of man one desires…strikes me as a bit off somehow…
A person is who he/she is after all, the choice would be to accept yourself fully and gain a realistic view on what sort of partner would suit you best OR indeed (temporarily?) change/adjust yourself so one could match the ideal partner one has in mind. Question is…Which choice would really last for the long run? ….
Surely one could say: “Well, you always have to be/show the very best of yourself” “positive thinking bla bla” but we all know that’s hardly sustainable. Humans have insecurities and fears, it is part of us and shallow as we are, we just don’t like to deal with these challenges in a relationship with the significant other, especially in the beginning. Perhaps, instead of all the tactics and games on how to get the guy/girl, a certain level of maturity and mutual acceptance would serve us better in this ‘madness’
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Inna
364 days ago
That’s a great article, Renee!
I completely agree with this 3 reasons. Just want to add that being obsessed about finding Mr.Right will not do you a favor either.
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Diana
416 days ago
Hi Renee,
Thanks for this article – I love everything you write, but this is the best so far. I really appreciate the action steps you give us at the end of each point, that little exercise in number 1 is so simple, yet so clever. I’ve even copied it out onto my calender so I see it every day!
Thanks so much.
Diana xx
[Reply]
Renee Reply:
April 29th, 2012 at 5:03 am
Hi Diana – thanks for your kind and heartfelt comments. I appreciate you taking the time. And, moreso, I’m glad to have been of help! xoxox
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sara
440 days ago
dear ranee
i love to pay for your program but i live in iran and there is no way to pay for that
this is so unfair that i can’t have this insight.please help me to find a way
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Jurate
444 days ago
Super article. Thank u very much!!!!
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mimi
459 days ago
Wow I have to say you hit it on the nail.
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sara
599 days ago
Renee this is really funny and accurate, number 1 is spot on for me, I’m a single mother, i left my marriage and every night i think of one more good reason i left him, I’m on number 500 now, tonight it was, well i soaked my hair in oil and my hair was greasy and awful(the oil smelt weird too)my entire back was covered in oil and i knew that wouldn’t be acceptable if i was sharing a bed especially since my entire pillow was drenched, and i as so pleased that i didn’t have to answer to
anyone, and I’m really happy I’m single and yet logic tells me it’s better to be married
[Reply]
Renee Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:16 pm
This is interesting Sara
there are many benefits to being single. It’s just that there’s no place ever in your life you will be more challenged to grow spiritually, mentally and physically than in a close intimate relationship with a man. And of course, same is true for a man.
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JP
600 days ago
I feel like you are talking directly about me in #1… it is so true for me. I need more advice so I am going to email you.
[Reply]
Renee Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:16 pm
Hi JP! Nice to hear from you. Do the exercise I recommend.
The best kind of self help is self help.
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AJ
601 days ago
Excellent article, than you so much. What really stood out for me was when you said we have a clear idea of what we want HIM to be, but we also need to be willing to put the effort in to become the kind of woman this type of man we want, wants too. Unfortunately in todays world when you speak to the mainstream, especially women, including some relationship coaches… we have a lot of “He should this he shoul that, blah blah blah.” Nice to be able to get some concrete, to the root information and true wisdom.
[Reply]
Renee Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:20 pm
Thanks AJ – sorry for my late reply to your comment. Thanks for the comment, and I think it’s really smart of you to notice that a lot of relationship advice focuses on what HE should do.
I can think of a nae right now in the market who does that (I won’t mention the name), but it absolutely infuriates me.
Once we approach an intimate relationship with the idea that we expect something from the other person, and that they have RESPONSIBILITIES – I don’t care if they fulfill those responsibilities, the relationship is still going to go downhill, because attraction cannot occur where one or both partners associate the relationship (or each other) with RESPONSIBILITY!
Anyhow, that being said, we all expect things from people we love every now and then. Not to say that we should be condemned for it. But being aware and constantly striving to demand more from ourselves is the key.
You just can’t control what a man will do and what he will not do.
Yet, people still try every day
[Reply]
AJ Reply:
November 15th, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Hi Renee,
LOVE what you said here thanks! ICAM.
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mona
601 days ago
Renee, your deep insight and advice could not have made me think twice as to why i was thinking the way that i was. once again, thank you! we need more AUTHENTIC women like you (: god bless.
[Reply]
Renee Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Thank You Mona for your comment and kind words
-XxX-
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Mavis
601 days ago
Oh my goodness Renee! I am at this very time in the process of writing about this very same topic! As I read your article I said, “Well that let’s me know I am on the right track.” I love your insights and action steps. As I read your info I found myself answering the questions before I even read your answers! I am so jazzed and excited right now! Thank you so much for your continued teaching. It is so needed although many women are too scared to actually use the advice. I’m not! I have learned alot from your information and I will continue to look for more in the future so I can make my journey better!
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Lisa
602 days ago
FANTASTIC advice Renee! I always pick up something from reading your articles but in this one you have even outdone yourself. I will be printing this one out and routinely rereading it to remind me. God Bless you.
[Reply]
Renee Reply:
November 8th, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Thanks Lisa
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Jason Fonceca
602 days ago
I love how I’m commenting before all the women lol
Once again Renee – Absolutely Nailed It.
3 very common, very powerful reasons for relationship-failure, and 3 mindset-shifting solutions.
To me, you are a Successful-Relationship superstar. I adore success of all kinds, and I adore your work and what you offer.
Thank you. You help the world so frickin’ much.
Rock on.
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