Is He Mr. Right? How would you know if you are meant to be?
Since I’ve been focusing quite a lot on the ideal man/the right man, I felt it was important to include something about being sure that he IS Mr. Right. A couple of posts ago, I talked about writing a list for yourself on what you wanted in a man and what you don’t want in a potential partner. I also talked about BECOMING the kind of person your ideal man would want to be in a relationship with.
Well, we could do all this, be in a relationship with a wonderful man, and sometimes still have doubts about whether he IS Mr. Right. Sometimes it’s just a thought, sometimes it’s thoughts that you have after a certain incident that has happened that could potentially change the nature of the relationship or the way you see your man, or it could be something else. Perhaps you may even have met another man, and you’re confused as to whether you should leave your man for another.
I have mentioned before that SELECTION of your partner is of utmost importance. Who you’re in a relationship with is crucial to determining your happiness.
It is very rare that a person’s nature will change. By this I mean their core beliefs. This does not mean a person cannot change, of course they can. However it is rare. As humans, we really need to have a very high level of modesty and selflessness before we will change. Habit are to habitual. Recurrent pleasures and too pleasurable. If a person is used to doing something over and over, and it meets their needs, it’s a tough one to get them to change it. It’s tough to get yourself to change.
So, your man may be very capable of change. He may even have a compelling reason to change, and you could inspire that in him by changing yourself. But, just for now we will focus on and assume the responsibility ourselves for being with the right person, or being in the right kind of relationship.
To become more aware of whether your partner is right for you, you will need to work out whether their value system is the same as yours. For example, I will introduce you to the 6 HUMAN NEEDS. You may already be aware of these, as they were created by the well-respected Anthony Robbins. So, for you as a feminine woman, understanding the 6 human needs can and will be vital to your success with your ideal man. They are as follows:
- CERTAINTY/COMFORT: being able to produce or avoid stress, or the ability to increase or intensify pleasure. The need for certainty is all about survival and security.
- SIGNIFICANCE: this need is all about the need to be unique, feeling important, feeling you have a purpose, a sense of meaning, and feeling like you’re needed.
- VARIETY/UNCERTAINTY: this includes the need for excitement, difference, the element of surprise, challenges. This is in conflict with the need for certainty, as well.
- LOVE AND CONNECTION: this is all about intimacy, sharing, caring, a sense of meaning, bonding, oneness, etc.
- GROWTH: the need to get better or be better, to be more, to feel a challenge, etc.
- CONTRIBUTION: this is all about the need to give to others. If you value this need you value giving beyond yourself, and making a difference in other people’s lives.
So, how does this all relate to knowing whether he is Mr. Right? Well, as you advance in your time together, it will be vital to establish whether or not you both value the same top 2 or 3 human needs. If your partner values significance and variety, and you value certainty and love and connection, you will have some issues!! 
If you want to have a completely outstanding, loving, passionate, and happy relationship where your femininity flows, and you can be happy, you will most likely require both top 2 needs to be the same as your man’s. Even if you have one need the same you can make it work, but it becomes a lot harder.
Just so you know, often in life, we value different needs at different times. So, if you are at a point in your life where you have all your certain needs met, you may value variety/uncertainty more. At a certain time when you’re feeling a little depressed, lonely, sad, unloved, etc you may value significance more. But, the point still remains. If you both have the same top 2 needs, you’re on the right track, and you CAN reignite/maintain passion and happiness.
It doesn’t matter that your valued needs may change as such, because the bottom line is that we all have one or two needs that we consistently value more over time. Don’t forget to share with me your thoughts and experiences related to this matter!
Have a lovely day!
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Tags: 6 human needs, great relationship, ideal man, is he right for me, lasting passion, long-term relationship, longlasting relationship, Mr. Right, passion, Relationship Advice, right man
Leave A Reply (5 comments So Far)
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Olya
love it!
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Renee
@Ms Summer: Yes, for sure, opposites attract – that’s where polarity comes in to it. And the masculine/feminine
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Ms Summer
I was wondering, reading the article, what people mean by ‘opposites attract’ – I personally thought this to be true, being fascinated by someone who is completely different from ourselves, but overall this might just be attraction then and not love? Maybe being a man and a woman in a relationship already is enough ‘opposites’ in the party:)
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Jamie
After reading this, I asked the guy I’m kind of serious about what his top 3 needs are. We share the same second-most important value, but our first and third most important values are different. I guess we could never be truly happy. This is kind of hard to handle><
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Renee Reply:
December 31st, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Hey Jamie! Happy New Year!
With the 6 human needs, it can be difficult to work this all out first go, because often people may not want to honestly identify themselves with valuing a certain need highly. For example, for some people it may be hard to admit they they honestly value certainty as one of their top needs. For others, it may be hard to be honest about valuing significance over something like contribution, because they may WANT to see themselves as a selfless and altruistic person, but their own limitations really stop them from valuing something like contribution.
It can be helpful to maybe write down on a piece of paper what You think his top 3 needs are, and get him to do the same for you. I have often come across people who say they value contribution and connection, but everything they do points towards certainty and significance as their highest needs.
So it’s important to be honest about it all. This all doesn’t necessarily mean you and this guy won’t work out, though. You may very well value the same top 2 needs. I mentioned in my post how periodically, people can value different needs more than others – just for that period of time. But, when it comes down to it, they value 2 particular needs more than they do the rest.
Sometimes, to really extract and understand someone’s core values and needs, it helps to get them in to a different state, and have them focus on something else. For example, you could ask him ‘what’s life all about?’.
Also, a good scenario to illustrate what needs people value is in emergencies. Say, just as a totally crazy example, a meteor was heading for a bunch of people. Some people may may get really scared and panic, some people may think ‘hey, this is kool!’ and value the variety in it. Others may get in to leadership mode and try to make everyone safe, or save people. This is more of a contribution value, and possibly even significance. Some people may get significance and connection by being the first to deliver the ‘bad’ news to others about the meteorite.
I hope that clarifies my point more as well
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