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Article updated 2018

I’d like to say that there are reasons you shouldn’t feel threatened by other women. Reasons why you should not compare yourself to other women.

I’d also like to say that there are a bunch of reasons why you are in fact, better than that woman at work because of this reason.

But you already do that, right? That’s what humans do. When we see some other woman has something we think we don’t have or can’t have….we try to justify why we don’t need that thing that the other woman has. Or we try to focus on what WE have that’s better.

“Oh she’s young and good looking…but she’s dumb.”

Nice. That would always do a great job of making you feel better about yourself, wouldn’t it?

Nope. It’s an awful way of dealing with things. “She’s a dumb person so NOW I get to give myself permission to feel better about what I think I don’t have…that I could very well have but don’t even see.’ We’ve all been whores to ourselves like this before. The interesting thing is…the person we’re most betraying is ourselves. We think we’re denying some other woman something, but in fact, we’re denying it from ourselves.

Ever noticed it’s the same old vicious cycle? You start the same cycle of comparison and self-justification tomorrow. Next year. Next decade. And hopefully not…until the day you die.

Of course, there ARE reasons why you COULD feel better than another woman at something. You can always find those. But what you CAN’T always find….is the freedom to let go of that – to let go of the need to treat fear as your friend.

(Click here to download the “Goddess Report”)

For me these days, what causes me more pain, is seeing other women get caught up feeling not as good as other women. Because I used to be there, and I HATED it. I hated not feeling good enough and I hated feeling helpless because another woman’s hair or boobs or legs were better than mine.

Nowadays, I have a different focus…I almost can’t care about other women being prettier than me or being better than me…because I’ve finally learned to accept that in doing this, I’m OPENLY accepting suffering into my life. I’m literally opening my arms to fear and saying: ‘take hold of me! Make me a miserable bitch who can’t be friends with other women because I’m so small and so closed and so fearful.’

The Illusion that another woman has more than You…

See… the illusion is that you feel bad because some other women have more than you or are prettier than you. That’s the ILLUSION. But there’s a cruel magician behind that illusion, keeping you entertained. And that’s…. miserably entertained. Not a good entertainment. (See my article on dealing with jealous women)

You don’t feel bad when other women seem to be more than You

The truth; is actually this: you don’t feel bad because other women seem to have more or be more. (Click here to take the quiz on “How High Value High Status am I on FB?”) You feel bad because you accept the idea that you are actually more deserving of love when you look a certain way, act a certain way, or achieve a certain something.

You also feel even worse than bad because you unconsciously accepted the idea that you CAN’T experience LOVE.

And what a disaster that is…because feminine human beings just want to experience love. And EXIST as love. Masculine energy is all about feeling freedom from constraint. Feminine energy HAS to exist as love in order to fully live and be truly happy, not just excited or momentarily on a high.

So what you do when you compare yourself to other women and feel bad about yourself and then hate her is you deny yourself the opportunity to experience love. You lie to yourself.

Do Prettier women have it better?

You think prettier women have it better. Or you think that more successful women have more exciting lives.

You think that skinny women get more male attention (damn those horrible bitches!)

You think younger women are always more attractive than you.

But that’s what YOU think in your fearful state. And it’s wrong. It’s the silly cruel magician waving his red flag saying: ‘it’s time to let your fears take over your life now!’ and you are playing his cruel game with him, willingly. You sit there actively, succumbing to it.

There’s always prettier women

Truth: there are always prettier women. Always. There are always women with a better figure. I don’t care if you think you’ve got the best figure ever. Some other person could come along and totally trash your figure and say you’re ugly just because they want to make you feel bad. Or for some other reason. What are you going to do then? Yell at them and say “NO! I have the best figure ever! F*** you!”

Not really. I mean, you could…but you’d just be fighting like children fight over who should keep the 20 cents they found in the mud in the playground.

It’s not that you shouldn’t feel threatened…

I don’t write this so that you can walk away and say ‘I SHOULDN’T feel threatened’ and block out your own fears. Absolutely not. After all, your fears will always exist. We can just get better at directing our focus elsewhere, and choosing to be more of ourselves instead.

But what I have to suggest to you is this: your only way to get through this kind of pain is to be more of yourself. And what that means is, CHOOSE to exist openly as love, an open celebration of love and life. You can’t kill every other pretty woman, or every younger woman…and why would you want to? They are a wonderful gift to this world.

(There Are Exactly 7 Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to Men. Do You Know What They Are? (& How to Avoid Them Like the Plague)? Click here to find out right now…)

Your only way to move beyond your own self-induced suffering is to be an open, raw, celebration of YOU. That’s all  you ever wanted.

How SURE can you be that prettier women are happier than you?

Some other woman is frightfully jealous of you, as you sit here, reading this. She’s jealous that you seem so confident, or she’s jealous that you’ve already had a child, or she’s jealous that you have more free time or that you make more money than her or have more friends than her. Whatever she conjures up in her head.

By succumbing to the fear cycle all the time, you miss the real important thing: other women who seem to have more than you don’t necessarily suffer LESS than you. But that’s the illusion that we give ourselves. (See my article on how to become the most confident woman on Earth.)

Your only solution is to be more of yourself. And that means doing these things:

– breathe when you’re interacting with others.

– Ask yourself how their beauty can inspire you to become more beautiful, and therefore more of yourself. A lot of times, what you see as simply ‘good genetics’ is actually that woman’s open femininity and attractiveness; something she practices from within.

(Get my eBook on 17 Attraction Triggers)

For me…When I moved on from this years ago, I felt best when I made friends with and connected with the women who seemed to be prettier than me or have more than me, because I knew I had to openly live through that fear with a raw vulnerability.

The crazy thing is; when I did this, I found out I had made a bunch of successful and pretty friends who were timid themselves. Or who felt I was prettier than them or had a better boyfriend. “What?!” My selfish brain didn’t get that at the time. Then I realised we were all playing that stupid game of “But I thought YOU had a better life than me!!?’

So I’m curious…If you were to open raw and be more of yourself, what would you do differently today?

If you were existing as love, what would you do right now that is different from the typical thing you do as a routine every single day of the week?

Would you contact that woman who seemed to reject you and suggest a catch up or ask how she is? (maybe she was just busy?)

Would you choose to move on from the vicious cycle of ‘they have more than me!’ and realise instead….that everything you ever ‘get’ is threatened by loss?

I’d really love to hear what you are thinking after reading this, in the comments section below! Thanks for reading 🙂

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

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P.S. Connect with me on social media.

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Alyssa SpanglerNoemifriendnotfoeClarissa EasterCarol Recent comment authors
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Alyssa Spangler
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Alyssa Spangler

I know this was posted a really long time ago but I just wanted to say this really helped me and I read this every time I feel myself getting petty over being pretty enough.

Noemi
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Noemi

If I would be a raw celebration of myself I would be happy for that woman who is prettier or more feminine than me because she represents a raw example of a feminine woman amd I would not feel threatened if she would be near my boyfriend… because I would enjoy her company …because I would know that I am feminine unique woman … How would you feel if you would celebrate yourself?

friendnotfoe
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friendnotfoe

Women are their own worse enemies. They are very cruel when they feel
threaten by another women. It could be based on their looks, education,
their experience and background. Instead of being supportive of one
another they become very vindictive towards them. It’s the reason that
women do have difficulty in getting ahead in the work place. I wish there
was not that caddy side to women.

Clarissa Easter
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Clarissa Easter

Thank you so much for this! I have been reading this over and over for atleast a year now when I feel threatened by the female’s my fiancé talks to. A lot of them are his ex’s and I get nervous sometimes and have kind of like a panic attack that maybe he’s cheating or maybe she will convince him to go back to her, but when I talk to him about it he always tells me that there’s nothing going on. That he loves me, but he c

Carol
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Carol

Thanks Renee. I really apreciate that you wrote this nice article. In my case I am now a confident person in many aspects of my life, but today some how I remembered a group of “friends” I had when I was a teenager that really gave me a hard time. I felt like I was not popular as they were and that I was ugly or stupid. Now I am commited to myself and I am working on those bad memories because it still makes me feel angry and sad at times. My advice to everyone is to treat others… Read more »

Clarissa
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Clarissa

Thank you so much Renee! This helps so much. My fiancé has this female friend named ‘Jaclyn’ and I’m always constantly feeling threatened by her. Thanks to you, it’s not as bad anymore. I found this page today and I read it, but then when she texted him again I had to re-read it, after the 2nd time reading this when his phone when off it didn’t bother me. It was like I didn’t even hear it. Thank You So Much! Hopefully me and my fiancé can move on from this now. Thank you, we have been in this rut… Read more »

Elizabeth
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Elizabeth

This article was amazing! Holy crap I have been dealing wtih this pretty much since the time I hit puberty. It is enlightening to realize that my fears (of other women having more than me) is only that–a fear! And that I just have to accept myself and that I deserve love simply because of that. Thank you for this fuckin insight. I love your writing voice 🙂

Princess
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Princess

Hi Renee, Thank you so much for this…I feel like you were talking to me. As long as I can remember,I always felt threatened by other women,I always felt like I had to compete with them in order to get the man of my dreams…and if I was just a little thinner,or with better hair that he would like me more than he liked her….The truth is that I LIKE MYSELF,my body,my energy,my warmth,my optimism and my smile .I only question all of that when a man tells me that he likes her and then,I wish I was her….But,it just… Read more »

Kimberly Neal
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Kimberly Neal

Try this…once you know who you are and really like yourself…give a woman you don’t know an authentic compliment and watch her beautiful face light up…a very powerful insight. Her happiness over a random stranger giving her props for a shirt or boots or an overall cool look will overcome you, the once threatened.

Gracie Decker
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Gracie Decker

I feel like you wrote this article for me! I struggle with this a lot. I am what society considers ‘pretty’ but I do feel intimidated around other beautiful women. But like you said, there is always someone prettier and it is very true. I feel like everyone struggles with this in some way or another. And its nice to be able to talk about it and acknowledge it instead of keeping it in that closet of things you should never talk about. It gave me an opportunity to grow and become more of me and that’s all I can… Read more »

sarah
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sarah

I have a skin disorder called vitiligo a condition in which the pigment is lost from areas of the skin, causing whitish patches, often with no clear cause.I have white spots all over my body and face and I feel normal skin women have clearly an advantage over me. I am 26 years old and never had a boyfriend, men don’t approach me and it has nothing to do with confidence because I have it but if men don’t like the exterior package, most don’t care about the interior package and what is one to do when other women so… Read more »

Pretty Patterson
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Pretty Patterson

Dear Sarah, I am sorry that you are going through this…I used to weigh ALOT more than I do now & while I know it is not the same situation, I was mocked ALOT. I began to think that everyone had it out for me as the fat girl & many times I was correct, but other times it was my own insecuries clouding my vision on situations.After I lost much of the weight, I saw some changes, but other people were just as despicable even when I was no longer the fat girl. Sad to say u r correct… Read more »

Ali
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Ali

Knowing you are not the only one, doesn’t always help when it’s happening. But for all those that sadly feel the need to put others down, there are still those out there that don’t. Although they may not draw attention to themselves by saying it, they are standing with you. If it’s not the whispers, “What’s wrong with her?” Then it’s those who feel threatened by your confidence, right? Stay strong, believe that there are more good people out there who just need to know you better. I wasn’t trying to be racest or stare the first time I ever… Read more »

Sarah
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Sarah

I’m sorry you are feeling this hurt. I don’t have your condition but I have been single for years now and I don’t know why. I used to think I was pretty. Now I’m second thinking it. Sucks. Maybe I. need to learn something’s first. More importantly I have struggled with finding friends. I’m sorry I can’t offer you a date but definitely can offer a friendship lol. Sorry if this has typos, its 6:30 am in Indiana.

Monica
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Monica

I do think positively of myself (most of the time). I don’t begrudge other women for having beauty, success or other positives in their lives. The only time I feel insecure around them is when I feel that my spouse is admiring their looks over mine. I think some husbands become “used” to what they have at home even if you’re beautiful. These kind of men get more excited and daydreamy about other women than their own wife. That’s the only time when I tend to feel bad around attractive women. If I had a spouse who said yea she’s… Read more »

Anna C
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Anna C

Well said Monica

elisha street
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elisha street

Its all about attitude.. Keeping an attitude of gratitude…

Anna C
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Anna C

This article I feel was written for me… that’s when I know I am not alone. I’ve been struggling with this recently, I usually do not worry about this much. But I recently met this beautiful, young, interesting, confident girl that seemed to me to be my boyfriend’s perfect match… plus they had some things in common, and he paid for her dinner once, so I know her femininity reached out to his masculinity, and that scared me… I’ve been working on my own beauty and working to go back to my roots lately. That was good, although it scared… Read more »

Gracie Decker
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Gracie Decker

That is such a good idea! You’re not alone, I struggle too. But that really is a great idea, I am going to start doing that! 🙂

Cathy
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Cathy

Thank you Renee, this is something I struggle with daily. It really is painful to think of someone as better than you because of looks, bodies and in large part just genes you were born with. Ive been trying to come to terms with and resolve this one in my life for months. I didnt have the best father or mother model of what valuing women looks like. In fact my Dad would openly criticize womens appearnaces as a reason they were not good enough for his love (parents are divorced). My biggest fear is that if I stop trying… Read more »

Cathy
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Cathy

Sorry I hit submit… but it was just amazing to see her become a mum 🙂

Monica
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Monica

Cathy, it doesn’t mean you are less because he admires (lusts) for others. Sometimes we women make the same mistake abused children make. When their parent doesn’t love them or behaves inappropriately, some kids blame themselves. They think “I’m not good enough.” Or ” if I were somehow better my parent would treat me right”. No, sometimes it’s our MEN who are not doing what they should to ensure their own woman knows and feels she is the spark in his life. She is the one who makes his heart skip a beat. Of course gorgeous, younger women will always… Read more »

niyati
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niyati

I feel self awakened…..thankyou renee!!!

AGP
Guest
AGP

It is interesting post and even more interesting conversation to go along with it. I would love for Renee to speak more about this and as women we need to more supportive of each other. My feeling is that women are biologically wired to compete for men and we bond by our values so if we think a woman is a “bitch” we don’t like her. She may not be one at all but it is how she is perceived. Her energy and her moods and what she talks about. What I mean by that is does she focus solely… Read more »

Cathy
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Cathy

Hahaha I think youre way of putting that was funny. Wouldnt it be lovely if we did all support and live each other as women rather than comoaring, criticizing and fearing? There is so much talk about this biology thing but I think if and when we were in nature, its actually the other way around. A lot of nature is men competing for women 😉 we are the key to life, bright, loving inctedible beings that can make new life. Isnt that amazing? I think our society makes big bucks by creating an ideal in everyones minds… imagine a… Read more »

Gracie Decker
Guest
Gracie Decker

you hit home with me! being open and truly being yourself can get criticized and people can think you are ‘trying’ or acting for attention, whatever. but I like the way you phrased it lol.

TJ
Guest
TJ

As a — yes I’ll say it- a beautiful, talented, smart, sexy woman with a very gentle, feminine caring inner core, I’m sorry ladies, but I’m done with you and your jealousy and insecurities. I’m done with being pleasant, encouraging, and friendly to you, only to have you stab me in the back. I’m done trying to make friends with you. I’m done feeling your hatred, hostility and anger, and wondering WTF I did to deserve it. I’m done trying to downplay myself to make you feel better. I’m done reaching out and trying to connect with you only to… Read more »

PRETTY PATTERSON
Guest
PRETTY PATTERSON

THERE IS A PRETTY DISCRIMINATION WHICH IS SO INSIDIOUS- IT IS FUELED BY JEALOUSY & EVEN HATRED & THERE’S MORE OF THEM THAN US…IF U R A NICE WPMAN, WHO IS SWEET & HAPPEN TO BE PRETTY, MEANIES OF ALL SORTS WILL DELITE, YES , DELITE IN TORMENTING YOU IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS, AT THE JOB & EVEN CHURCH, INCLUDING THE MINISTER’S WIFE!
IF YOU ARE PRETTY & NOT ARMED W/ ARSENAL TO SHIELD YOURSELF, YOU WILL GET STONED BY MISERABLE MEN & PETTY FEMALES.

Donna
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Donna

Gosh, I’m so sorry you feel this way, Pretty.
But this is something that I honestly cannot say I agree with.
I have so many beautiful, kind, positive girlfriends, and not one of them has ever said anything bad about another pretty girl in my hearing.
Of course, some girls and women might be bitter/jealous of other’s beauty, but there are so many women who aren’t. You just need to find them.

Pretty Patterson
Guest
Pretty Patterson

Just because YOU haven’t experienced it, doesn’t mean I haven’t…And in response to a post above, I don’t preen or talk about myself or act like one of those women on The Bachelor. I am a shy introvert, which made me more of a target. I am a middle aged woman, & yes this sounds like bragging- I do look way younger for my age, so that my peers (not all but many) get angry when other people comment that I look young… I isolate because of experiences I have had, & am very leery of joining groups & new… Read more »

mel
Guest
mel

Nobody cares how you feel little miss perfect. I’m so sick and tired of women like you making me have sleepless nights worrying that my boyfriend wants to date you instead of me, wondering if he’s thinking of you when we are having sex, crying and feeling like the ugliest girl on the planet, getting angry when I see someone like you watering the same outfit or piece of clothing as me because you make me look like crap in it! Just shut up already! You have everything! You are the reason why millions of women can’t get d ates… Read more »

Anyeh
Guest
Anyeh

Hey Renee,
I believe that every woman is equally beautiful in her own way.
Just like flower. Rose and Lily have their own beauty 🙂
Also, if we see beautiful women, why don’t we praise their
Beauty? (As you said…let their beauty inspired us because what we see as “good genetic”, is actually their femininity and openess…something they practise from within)

When we praise their beauty, when we allow them to shine, when we permit
them to be beautiful, we actually permit and allow our beauty to shine as well.
I believe What we allow and permit in others, we also allow and permit in ourselves 🙂

Cathy
Guest
Cathy

This is beautiful 🙂 thank you

Gracie Decker
Guest
Gracie Decker

you said it so amazingly! and it is so true!

Rosalind
Guest
Rosalind

Well said, Anyeh! I used to be a very insecure person who was scared and threatened with women I thought were prettier, sexier, and smarter than me. I used to be that woman who would be jealous to death of others. By the same token, my partner then (still my current), would praise or gawk at other women to my face and it hurt like hell. Fast forward 6 years and we break up be because of his cheating. For two years as a single woman, I rebuild my self-worth from smithereens, forge a stronger, better Me. Today I appreciate… Read more »

Rosalind
Guest
Rosalind

*Btw, might seem confusing…I broke up with my partner who cheated on me and we were apart for 2 years. We got back together and I specifically told him how much it hurt when he ogled and complimented other women’s looks. He no longer does it and this has made me feel a lot more open with other women.

Holly
Guest
Holly

Hello renee 🙂 Great read!!, I hope that your doing well. My realisation is that their will always be someone better of and worse off than myself; but their will only ever be one of me :-D. I can hold my head up high and take pride in that because i’m a really nice person!! For starters, I share my personality type with mother tereser. I think that say’s it all really. Also I have many great qulites such as compassion, understanding and integrity just to say yhe least; YES,:-D heavon must be missing an angel, lol, no I’m just… Read more »

Chloe
Guest
Chloe

I completely agree that reaching out to other women is uplifting and sets your spirit free from negative feelings, both projected and internal. HOWEVER, do not be fooled. There are some women out there who will always be haters and will never be won over.

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