Article updated 2020
I’d like to say that there are reasons you shouldn’t feel threatened by other women. Reasons why you should not compare yourself to other women.
I’d also like to say that there are a bunch of reasons why you are in fact, better than that woman at work because of this reason.
But you already do that, right? That’s what humans do. When we see some other woman has something we think we don’t have or can’t have….we try to justify why we don’t need that thing that the other woman has. Or we try to focus on what WE have that’s better.
“Oh she’s young and good looking…but she’s dumb.”
Nice. That would always do a great job of making you feel better about yourself, wouldn’t it?
Nope. It’s an awful way of dealing with things. “She’s a dumb person so NOW I get to give myself permission to feel better about what I think I don’t have…that I could very well have but don’t even see.’ We’ve all been whores to ourselves like this before. The interesting thing is…the person we’re most betraying is ourselves. We think we’re denying some other woman something, but in fact, we’re denying it from ourselves.
Ever noticed it’s the same old vicious cycle? You start the same cycle of comparison and self-justification tomorrow. Next year. Next decade. And hopefully not…until the day you die.
Of course, there ARE reasons why you COULD feel better than another woman at something. You can always find those. But what you CAN’T always find….is the freedom to let go of that – to let go of the need to treat fear as your friend.
For me these days, what causes me more pain, is seeing other women get caught up feeling not as good as other women. Because I used to be there, and I HATED it. I hated not feeling good enough and I hated feeling helpless because another woman’s hair or boobs or legs were better than mine.
Nowadays, I have a different focus…I almost can’t care about other women being prettier than me or being better than me…because I’ve finally learned to accept that in doing this, I’m OPENLY accepting suffering into my life. I’m literally opening my arms to fear and saying: ‘take hold of me! Make me a miserable bitch who can’t be friends with other women because I’m so small and so closed and so fearful.’
The Illusion that another woman has more than You…
See… the illusion is that you feel bad because some other women have more than you or are prettier than you. That’s the ILLUSION. But there’s a cruel magician behind that illusion, keeping you entertained. And that’s…. miserably entertained. Not a good entertainment. (See my article on dealing with jealous women)
You don’t feel bad when other women seem to be more than You
The truth; is actually this: you don’t feel bad because other women seem to have more or be more. (Click here to take the quiz on “How High Value High Status am I on FB?”) You feel bad because you accept the idea that you are actually more deserving of love when you look a certain way, act a certain way, or achieve a certain something.
You also feel even worse than bad because you unconsciously accepted the idea that you CAN’T experience LOVE.
And what a disaster that is…because feminine human beings just want to experience love. And EXIST as love. Masculine energy is all about feeling freedom from constraint. Feminine energy HAS to exist as love in order to fully live and be truly happy, not just excited or momentarily on a high.
So what you do when you compare yourself to other women and feel bad about yourself and then hate her is you deny yourself the opportunity to experience love. You lie to yourself.
Do Prettier women have it better?
You think prettier women have it better. Or you think that more successful women have more exciting lives.
You think that skinny women get more male attention (damn those horrible bitches!)
You think younger women are always more attractive than you.
But that’s what YOU think in your fearful state. And it’s wrong. It’s the silly cruel magician waving his red flag saying: ‘it’s time to let your fears take over your life now!’ and you are playing his cruel game with him, willingly. You sit there actively, succumbing to it.
There’s always prettier women
Truth: there are always prettier women. Always. There are always women with a better figure. I don’t care if you think you’ve got the best figure ever. Some other person could come along and totally trash your figure and say you’re ugly just because they want to make you feel bad. Or for some other reason. What are you going to do then? Yell at them and say “NO! I have the best figure ever! F*** you!”
Not really. I mean, you could…but you’d just be fighting like children fight over who should keep the 20 cents they found in the mud in the playground.
It’s not that you shouldn’t feel threatened…
I don’t write this so that you can walk away and say ‘I SHOULDN’T feel threatened’ and block out your own fears. Absolutely not. After all, your fears will always exist. We can just get better at directing our focus elsewhere, and choosing to be more of ourselves instead.
But what I have to suggest to you is this: your only way to get through this kind of pain is to be more of yourself. And what that means is, CHOOSE to exist openly as love, an open celebration of love and life. You can’t kill every other pretty woman, or every younger woman…and why would you want to? They are a wonderful gift to this world.
(There Are Exactly 7 Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to Men. Do You Know What They Are? (& How to Avoid Them Like the Plague)? Click here to find out right now…)
Your only way to move beyond your own self-induced suffering is to be an open, raw, celebration of YOU. That’s all you ever wanted.
How SURE can you be that prettier women are happier than you?
Some other woman is frightfully jealous of you, as you sit here, reading this. She’s jealous that you seem so confident, or she’s jealous that you’ve already had a child, or she’s jealous that you have more free time or that you make more money than her or have more friends than her. Whatever she conjures up in her head.
By succumbing to the fear cycle all the time, you miss the real important thing: other women who seem to have more than you don’t necessarily suffer LESS than you. But that’s the illusion that we give ourselves. (See my article on how to become the most confident woman on Earth.)
Your only solution is to be more of yourself. And that means doing these things:
– breathe when you’re interacting with others.
– Ask yourself how their beauty can inspire you to become more beautiful, and therefore more of yourself. A lot of times, what you see as simply ‘good genetics’ is actually that woman’s open femininity and attractiveness; something she practices from within.
For me…When I moved on from this years ago, I felt best when I made friends with and connected with the women who seemed to be prettier than me or have more than me, because I knew I had to openly live through that fear with a raw vulnerability.
The crazy thing is; when I did this, I found out I had made a bunch of successful and pretty friends who were timid themselves. Or who felt I was prettier than them or had a better boyfriend. “What?!” My selfish brain didn’t get that at the time. Then I realised we were all playing that stupid game of “But I thought YOU had a better life than me!!?’
So I’m curious…If you were to open raw and be more of yourself, what would you do differently today?
If you were existing as love, what would you do right now that is different from the typical thing you do as a routine every single day of the week?
Would you contact that woman who seemed to reject you and suggest a catch up or ask how she is? (maybe she was just busy?)
Would you choose to move on from the vicious cycle of ‘they have more than me!’ and realise instead….that everything you ever ‘get’ is threatened by loss?
I’d really love to hear what you are thinking after reading this, in the comments section below! Thanks for reading 🙂
(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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