After work she eats until she numbs herself.
When she’s numb from food, she reads a romance novel, maybe watches dramatic TV.
When she gets frustrated enough at living love through a stupid-ass novel, she hates other women who have loving husbands to distract her from her true craving for a man.
When she becomes too fat for her own ideals, she begins an exercise regime just to feel good enough about herself to keep her authentic craving for a man at bay.
When she hates other women long enough for having what she believes she doesn’t have, she uses work to feel good about herself.
‘That bitch has got a man and beautiful kids, but I’M successful in my CAREER.’
But still the truth is this… our running from our craving for love is really just a stupid strategy and story that we adopted somewhere along the way.
And, our distraction strategies work. We can’t always feel all our truest cravings – we wouldn’t be able to live our lives and still feel safe.
Still, there’s a problem with surrendering to our truest nature and our truest heart’s desire.
Women’s Fears Of Surrendering Completely To Love…
Because if we wanted a man who rips us open and causes us to surrender in love that badly, then what if other women judge us for being who we really are?
And more – what if we get hurt? What if my heart gets broken? What if I then had to face all the feelings of inadequacy that come with love?
What if I’m truly NOT enough?
Our living out of our true yearning for a man magnifies other’s emotions, even in men.
And our fakeness, our desire to keep living a lie in favour of superficiality can always be confirmed by the people round us who prefer to keep us where we are by treating us just like the unemotional beings that we appear to be.
Inside, we’re not though. We are raging, we are hurting, we are craving to surrender to a man, we have deeper love to offer almost anyone but we struggle to show it.
AND sometimes we want to just be seen and heard even when we act ugly.
Sometimes we hate, sometimes we love so deeply it feels like it’s too much for our bodies, sometimes we really just want to be the mommy or the cheerleader we secretly always wanted to be, or the bubbly goddess.
But hell, other women will hate us or reject us for it, maybe. Because bitchy.
(What is the ONE thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! Click here to find out right now…)
Instead Of Opening Up To Real Love, We Replace Love With Safer Alternatives…
Love is always a risk. It always feels that way, especially in the beginning.
And inside, we all know love is a risk. We just don’t know how to deal with that. So we turn to substitutes. That is, substitutes for love (which is at the core of WHO we are).
I’ve used substitutes, and sometimes I still use them when I’m scared.
Love is hard at times because it just is.
And because we feel like it’s hard, because we feel like it demands so much of our vulnerability, we decide that love isn’t enough these days. It’s too much ‘work’ to be worth it, so we fill up our desire for love in superficial ways.
We have to ‘have’ something, we have to ‘be’ successful, we have to ‘be’ worthy. Or something.
You know those women who deny that they want any relationship, but the way their denial comes out, in itself, feels aggressive and defensive to you?
(That’s how intense our core wants us to exist and offer the love that we are.)
We are all those women who deny we want to experience love, or could potentially have been.
16 year olds are this woman, and 75 year olds are this woman.
Women in marriages can be this woman.
Waiting and waiting some more. Waiting with food, waiting with friends, waiting with movies, waiting with novels, waiting with superficial sex with the hottest guys.
Because waiting distracts us, and makes us feel worthy for long enough that we don’t have to sit on the bathroom floor in despair over our true yearning for a man.
Food never replaces his loving presence.
Work never replaces his embrace.
Porn never substitutes for his penetration; trustable emotional and physical penetration.
Romance novels never compare to a real life love story that’s so imperfect is becomes perfect.
The men who devote their heart and soul to us are the ones who are ready to meet our vulnerable hearts. Anything less and he chooses to commit to another woman who exudes the willingness to open up for love.
Relationship-Minded Men Are NOT Looking For This
In my belief, the devoted men are not looking for the breast implants, not the make up.
Not the well conditioned hair.
Not the perfectly sculpted bum.
Not the tanned skin, not the long legs.
Not the perfect freckles, not the exotic face.
Not the perfect dress or bikini. Not the perfect smile.
Just perfectly vulnerably existing, open hearted craving for a man.
Are you ready to believe that?
It’s ok if you’re not. It is waiting for us when we are ready.
Here’s an article on why men don’t fall in love with perfect women.
When we are ready, we can drop the importance of the make up and the cute clothes and designer purchases.
Instead, we can just yearn openly through our eyes, our bodies and our gait, our breath and our heart.
The relationship-minded man who appreciate a good woman, the man who is sensitive to your existence and strong enough to protect you, will come forward and claim you, for that may just be the deeper purpose that he needs.
(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new program. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.