After work she eats until she numbs herself.

When she’s numb from food, she reads a romance novel, maybe watches dramatic TV.

When she gets frustrated enough at living love through a stupid-ass novel, she hates other women who have loving husbands to distract her from her true craving for a man.

When she becomes too fat for her own ideals, she begins an exercise regime just to feel good enough about herself to keep her authentic craving for a man at bay.

When she hates other women long enough for having what she believes she doesn’t have, she uses work to feel good about herself.

(Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

‘That bitch has got a man and beautiful kids, but I’M successful.’

But still the truth is this… our running from our craving is really just a stupid strategy and story that we adopted somewhere along the way that helped us deal with the fact that in our heart, we have a desire to surrender to a trustworthy man.

And, our distraction strategies work. We can’t always feel all our truest cravings – we wouldn’t be able to live our lives and still feel safe.

And there’s a problem with surrendering to our truest nature and our truest heart’s desire.

Because if we wanted a man who rips us open and causes us to surrender in love that badly, then what if other women judge us for being who we really are?

And more – what if we get hurt? What if my heart gets broken? What if I then had to face all the feelings of inadequacy that come with love?

What if I’m truly NOT enough?

Our living out of our true craving magnifies other’s emotions, even in men.

And our fakeness, living a lie and superficiality can always be confirmed by the people round us who prefer to keep us where we are, treating us, perhaps, like the unemotional beings that we appear to be.

Inside, we’re not though. We are raging, we are hurting, we are craving to surrender to a man, we have deeper love to offer almost anyone but we struggle to show it, AND sometimes we want to kill, sometimes we hate, sometimes we love so deeply it feels like it’s too much for our bodies, sometimes we really just want to be the mommy or the cheerleader we secretly always wanted to be, or the bubbly goddess, but hell, other women will hate us or reject us for it, maybe. Because bitchy.

So we turn to substitutes.

Substitutes for love, which is at the core of WHO we are, even though how we all want to show it may come out differently, and uniquely.

I’ve used substitutes, and sometimes I still use them when I’m scared.

Love is hard because it is. And what IS isn’t enough these days. We have to ‘have’ something, we have to ‘be’ successful, we have to ‘be’ worthy. Or something.

You know those women who deny that they want any relationship, but the way their denial comes out, in itself, feels aggressive and defensive to you?

(That’s how intense our core wants us to exist and offer the love that we are.)

We are all those women who deny we want to experience love, or could potentially have been.

16 year olds are this woman, and 75 year olds are this woman.

Women in marriages can be this woman.

Waiting and waiting some more. Waiting with food, waiting with friends, waiting with movies, waiting with novels, waiting with superficial sex with the hottest guys.

Because waiting distracts us, and makes us feel worthy for long enough that we don’t have to sit on the bathroom floor in despair over our true heart’s craving for a man.

(Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

Food never replaces his loving presence.

Work never replaces his embrace.

Porn never substitutes for his penetration; trustable emotional and physical penetration.

Romance novels never compare to a real life love story that’s so imperfect is becomes perfect.

The men who devote their heart and soul to us are the ones who are ready to meet our vulnerable craving, loving hearts. Anything less and he chooses another who exudes open hearted craving and loving.

In my belief, the devoted men are not looking for the breast implants, not the make up.

Not the well conditioned hair.

Not the perfectly sculpted bum.

Not the tanned skin, not the long legs.

Not the perfect freckles, not the exotic face.

Not the perfect dress or bikini. Not the perfect smile.

Just perfectly vulnerably existing, open hearted craving for a man.

Are you ready to believe that?

It’s ok if you’re not. It is waiting for us when we are ready.

When we are ready, we can drop the importance of the make up and the cute clothes and designer purchases, and instead, just crave openly through our bodies and our gait, our breath and our eyes, and the devoted man who is sensitive to our existence and strong enough to protect, will come forward and claim us, for that’s what he needs.

Find out how your vulnerability can inspire men, click here.

Love,

Renee.

email_polaroid

58
Leave a Reply

avatar
25 Comment threads
33 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
35 Comment authors
Roxana California SalasKathyNoah brandiniConservative VikingPeter Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Roxana California Salas
Guest
Roxana California Salas

I am so glad I found this page!

Kathy
Guest
Kathy

Beautiful :’) bought tears to my eyes.

Conservative Viking
Guest
Conservative Viking

This article hit me hard. Renee knows strong men and what they represent. My wife has serious self esteem issues that have nearly destroyed the last thread left between us. The lies. The cheating. It never stops no matter how good I am to her. I’ve forgiven it all but she doesn’t understand or can’t allow herself to be the vulnerable, loving woman I need. I have a primal urge to love, cherish and protect her. She’s beautiful to me and loving/making love to her is always on my mind. She’s just too closed and guarded to let me in.… Read more »

Peter
Guest
Peter

Good god missy – you can’t possibly be that open and direct and not expect a bitchiness of some sort to strike you (or so we are led to believe).
What a fantasticly open perspective though – thank you for sharing it – and really, just thank you for actually being a woman properly – not a little girl, not a mad bitch, just a woman.

Peter G

Niceice
Guest
Niceice

Ugh, the more I read this place, the more it sounds like it caters exclusively to heterosexual women and just gleefully wants to continue telling women it’s okay to look at themselves as “children” in relationships. It sounds like a whiny Taylor-Swift fan wrote this website.

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Guest
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

Is that last sentence in the largest paragraph correct the way it is? “Because bitchy”?

I don’t get it.

Viki Samoja
Guest
Viki Samoja

As a man, i can honestly say everything Renee says is true, i need to point out a few things tough. What is important to know is that men are just as supressed and insecure as you are. Our whole life it was drummed into our head that masculinity is something dirty, monsterous and evil. Many men this days repress a masculne man inside themselves, as to not offend women around them. What is important to know is men have a natural tendency to protect women, and we were led to believe that even glimpsing our masculinity would hurt them… Read more »

Kevin
Guest
Kevin

Do women REALLY crave a man ?? This is coming from a guy that has observed shockingly mean & nasty behaviour from mainly young women. Have worked as door staff @ various venues & have witnessed countless times girls enticing guys to buy them drinks…then immediately giving a ” F*** OFF CREEP !! ” type rejection & then laughing at them & going for as much humiliation as possible…I took great pleasure in then ejecting them from one venue…alcohol & frustrated & humiliated young guys = trouble !! Also I was snarled at then kicked by a young “woman “..my… Read more »

Cassie
Guest
Cassie

My goodness! Where do you live?!? Where do you socialize? I have personally never met these hateful women you are describing. I think perhaps you need some new surroundings. Quality ladies do NOT behave this way.
And yes, women do crave men. Self-aware and confident women are not afraid to admit wanting and needing a man.

Screw_Globalism
Guest
Screw_Globalism

Cassie , I live in Nottingham UK , & thank you for your positive comments ! I’m about to separate from my soon to be ex wife & will be staying single post divorce & will be moving to pastures new once my children are grown up ,but for now they need me. Being single also means I can be a better dad.

Noah brandini
Guest
Noah brandini

In the United States it’s very common this behaviour in nightclubs and with young women.

Phoebe
Guest
Phoebe

Women don’t crave men- they crave masculine, trustworthy, loving men! Most men aren’t in touch with their masculinity and their integrity , so it’s no wonder they attract those kinds of women. A true man would get to know a woman before offering to buy her a drink.

Cassie- I agree. I never acted nasty like that.

Screw_Globalism
Guest
Screw_Globalism

Phoebe , part of the problem is that the controlled ” media ” seeks to poison everyone’s minds to make us fear & hate each other , ie men are always portrayed as stupid sex crazed expendable morons , so it’s little wonder a large percentage of women view men as lesser beings , women as emotional thinkers are more prone to this negative programming…” Divide & Rule ” at work.

Pooja Pophale
Guest
Pooja Pophale

Choose the woman carefully Kevin.

Peter
Guest
Peter

That’s just reactionary behavior – takes some balls to digest it as such though.

Chrysalis
Guest
Chrysalis

Hi Renee, Thanks for the article. I feel the word “vulnerable” is a pretty loaded word. Vulnerable does not mean weak, though we tend to confuse it with weakness. Especially, when a man tries to dominate and control power in a relationship. We want to be taken care of, pampered, protected, be able to express our feelings but at the same time we have to be strong and to be honest with ourselves about what we want in life and to count on our instincts to be able to move on with life when a man is non existent in… Read more »

Lilly
Guest
Lilly

This Article made me tear up because it resonated with me so deeply. I am 25 Years Old, and I feel so alone. I am not like the other girls my age or like women in general. I feel so alone and sometimes I hate being feminine and soft. Older men go out of their way to help me, and are protective of me, but guys my age seem to after the easy girls it seems. Even though for some reason I am not attracted to them, I still crave the male attention. Something very strange happens with the guys… Read more »

practicalh
Guest

I can relate. I am a man and I almost started crying. This should be a mandatory reading to every “single professional” woman out there, especially in big cities. The question is whether you find these trustworthy men as a woman, regardless of how wonderful you are. Also, being that craving woman is not a guarantee that they guy won’t leave/cheat as that often has nothing to do with a woman’s behavior, however wonderful she might be.

Super Janice
Guest
Super Janice

Be yourself! I believe that you can attract the men you want! I believe you can find feminine girlfriends one day!

Pooja Pophale
Guest
Pooja Pophale

Wow!
You spoke my heart out Lilly.
I am confident I am finding my guy who is seeing value I offer him in the way I am.And I am confident that you will too.
I feel older men have a well-evolved masculinity which goes beyond superficial qualities.
🙂

Peter
Guest
Peter

They are saving you from all that hottness rubish the world is busy with these days darling – guys instinctively refuse to offend or use a genuinely kind and feminine woman. What you are worried about is probably your greatest gift – sex based on self hatred, and that part of social life, is not much to be missing out on.
You just need one decent man to be dedicating his attention to you, that’s all.

Noah brandini
Guest
Noah brandini

Renee already made an article about this issue. It’s really helpful. Read it here.

Is Having Low Value Friends Even Worth It? https://www.thefemininewoman.com/low-value-friends-even-worth/

Adele
Guest
Adele

I have a good man who came back to me after some years apart. I’m more honest with myself about wanting a man. I cry about it sometimes. I feel the ache in my heart, the craving, the yearning. It’s so strong. I still feel insecure though. This man was someone I was only casually involved with a few years ago, but I had strong feelings for him. I killed the attraction with my expectations and blaming. He came back and it really shocked me. He’s so handsome and charismatic. Women love him. There’s a part of me that questions… Read more »

Super Janice
Guest
Super Janice

Femininity are not only for “pretty” and “skinny” girls. You are a feminine women! If you are more feminine than his ex girlfriends, you may keep him!

Peter
Guest
Peter

Renee, in my humble experience, is the only woman on this planet confident enough to say it and see it how it is. Insecurity, at various levels, is rampant, in men and women.

Yasinta
Guest
Yasinta

Hi Renee This post and your works helped me to see more and deeper trough my man’s soul. He is a strong masculine man, he holds so many responsibility in his life and I can see how he hates being destracted from his focus. Lately he became so sensitive, even just before I read this post, we got misunderstanding, I asked him to have vacation together, and he answer me with long sentences which explain of how he still have many things and situation to face in his business and that he’s not fit enough yet to travel, after the… Read more »

Alexis
Guest
Alexis

Hello Renee, I am a 20 year old girl in college and i am a junior. I read your emails all the time and they have opened up a new thought process for me. I have two questions for you though. Recently my father just passed away 4 months ago and in college it has been hard for me now (and in the past) to find guys who are strong and want to commit. I feel like college is a hard place to use your advice because many men in college do not yearn for a relationship, especially at the… Read more »

Super Janice
Guest
Super Janice

You are a feminine woman, I believe that you can attract masculine men–look at Renee’s webpage on Understanding Men to know how men feel so that you can understand their needs!

Noah brandini
Guest
Noah brandini

Is Having Low Value Friends Even Worth It? https://www.thefemininewoman.com/low-value-friends-even-worth/

Ruth
Guest
Ruth

One thing I don’t understand.

Women want men to protect them, keep them safe and cherish them, in a nutshell. What on earth do men want from women? What, bottom line, are they searching for and are attracted to? I wish I could figure this out.

John Doe
Guest
John Doe

Do you really not know? I would think it was obvious, but maybe it is a matter of perspective. Feminine women want men to protect them, and masculine men want to protect. It really is that simple. If men feel that you are something worth protecting and you can benefit from feeling or being protected, then that makes them want you more and increases our feelings of self worth and.

Trivedi Effect
Guest

Ruth, you asked an important question! Hopefully, you will get right answers for it. Men and women both are looking for unconditional love, when you will get unconditional love in your life you will get the answers. What a man or women exactly wants to each other.

Peter
Guest
Peter

Someone to protect and love, and be protected by (in the sense that trust won’t be betrayed). Someone to confide in – and women are much more natural at being caring and, well, feminine.

Alicia
Guest
Alicia

Hi renee! I LOVE all your articles. Thank you. I have a question. I really like someone am resisting – expressing my feelings and how much I need him (sexually and emotionally so not even in words…) i know see that’s not v loving or brave – I’m looking to him to make me feel safe first and the truth is i will never feel safe I will always worry maybe he stops liking me or likes someone else .. So the question is any advice on loving with this fear so I don’t take it out on him or… Read more »

With love
Guest
With love

Hi Renee 🙂 This is great timing to read this article and to receive volume 2 of ACM, as I just went through a painful, painful, gut wrenching experience with someone who was brutal with my emotions. I feel that I must have spent the last five months plus in an emotional boxing ring being beaten down for the fun of it. It was awful and life will never be the same again, but for all the right reasons as the whole situation brought me to life and the fight within that I never ppermitted up until this point. It’s… Read more »

cathy
Guest
cathy

Wow! This is almost poetic! I LOVE this! Wow, Renee!

Kelsi
Guest
Kelsi

Hi Renee, I love this article and once again it came at the perfect time! My man follows a lot of girls he knows from school or his past on Instagram and it makes me so uncomfortable. He used to like a lot of their pictures and I told him that upset me so he stopped. But it still bothers me that he follows them. Most of them post attractive selfies and I don’t want to bring this up again because I’m afraid he will think I’m being controlling. Should this bother me so much? He is a great boyfriend… Read more »

Amy B
Guest
Amy B

Thanks Renee for the reminder that it’s okay to be vulnerable. I’m working on this, and everything you write reinforces to me that it’s not only okay to be vulnerable, that for me, anyway, it’s no longer an option to be so closed.

Safira
Guest
Safira

Hi Renee, Prior to finding your site, I met a man who I feel totally ripped me wide open. I was on my BS like no other, thinking that on our first date we would just hook up and be done with it. He had such a masculine energy I had never experienced before that the moment I saw him I felt my suppressed feminine energy rise up and take over. It is very strange for me, and honestly quite scary. I’ve only known him for a few weeks, been on 2 dates, but our limited time together has been… Read more »

Sandra81
Guest
Sandra81

Safira, Right now I’m in a situation similar to yours. We started from a woderful, yet long-distance friendship with some underlying tones of attraction waiting to burst. After we met, 10 months went by without seeing each other, but we kept in constant contact. And when we met… things happened, and it was magic. For me, it was the closest I ever got to a man, both physically and emotionally. However, after we parted ways again, it’s like you said – our contact is minimal. We limit ourselves to birthday/Xmas/New Year wishes and the occasional “like” on Facebook. He started… Read more »

Send this to a friend