Are you feeling a little scared that the man you love is slipping away?
Well, let me tell you that it’s natural to lose some level of interest in a long term, committed relationship.
You may not feel that way right now, but if you look at the definition of “interest”, it starts to make sense.
Cambridge dictionary defines “interest” as:
“A feeling that accompanies or causes special attention to something or someone.”
And the verb…
“To engage the attention or arouse the interest of.”
At some point, you or a man is going to lose interest for a short period of time. And even if your man hasn’t lost interest, you’re going to feel like he is losing interest just because you’re a woman, and you thrive upon him giving you attention.
Your femininity grows when he gives you his presence and attention.
But if he has something going on like a big project at work that requires all of his attention (and that he is preoccupied with), you may start to feel like he’s losing interest when he’s not.
He’s just in a different masculine “mode”.
Table of Contents
Things To Know
- Men and women both lose some level of interest at some point in a relationship (that doesn’t mean we can’t regain that interest when our love interest is in a different emotional state or environment)
- The real problem comes when the loss of interest becomes a more permanent thing, which leads to a man completely falling out of love with you
- Interest is the lowest level of value for you as a woman, and him being in love and pair bonded to you is the ultimate level of value
“Interest” Is The Lowest Level Of Value You Can Get From Men
I’ve mentioned before that there’s a difference between a man being interested in you, and a man being serious about you:
MORE: Is He SERIOUS About You Or is He Just “Interested”? Critical Distinction.
This doesn’t mean that you don’t want men’s interest of course, as interest can often be the absolute beginning of him falling in love.
But ultimately, you want more than just his interest.
You want him to see you as his “one and only” – because he’s fallen in love and wants to be pair bonded to you for life.
Regardless, a guy losing interest can lead to a loss of a relationship for you, and that can be painful.
The way to fix this is to ensure that you’re in his “one and only” basket, rather than the alternative – which is the “one of many” basket.
See, when a man dates a woman, he places her in one of two categories very quickly. Those categories are:
- The “one and only”; or
- The “one of many”
When you’re in the “one of many” basket – he could be your boyfriend for ten years and never give you his full commitment.
It is only when you’re a man’s one and only that his interest (but more importantly, his love) will last a lifetime.
More than that – his love and commitment will be exclusively for you.
Would you like to learn the exact steps to becoming any man’s one and only woman? I teach you these exact steps in my popular program “Becoming His One and Only”. (The promise of this course is for you to have your chosen man fall in love with you & beg you to be his one & only by embodying these 5 feminine secrets, even if he’s been distant, avoidant, or losing interest…)
Regardless, a guy losing interest can lead to a loss of a relationship for you, and that can be painful.
But What About When He Really HAS Lost Interest?
Then there are cases where a guy losing interest becomes a more permanent thing.
It may be that there has been a gradual build up of negative associations with you (or with each other) in the relationship, to the point where the positive moments vastly outweigh the negative moments.
It may be that you’ve criticized, punished or emasculated him and it’s caused his feelings to turn sour.
It may just be that your relationship was painfully boring, and in such a case, all of us would lose interest.
Related: What Makes A Woman Boring & How Not to Be Boring to Men?
Am I Overthinking Or Is He Losing Interest?
If you’re really into him, then you may be wondering, am I overthinking or is he losing interest?
And this question will drive you crazy.
The answer is two-fold.
Firstly: it’s natural to overthink this issue as a woman, because there’s a lot of miscommunication that happens in a relationship between a man and a woman.
Women are always looking to feel cherished, and to see signs of investment and romantic love from their men.
Conversely, men are always looking to gain more skills and worth as a provider, and this takes their attention away from the connection in the relationship.
(Even if it looks like they’re spending time on stupid things to you).
This difference causes women to think they’ve lost interest, but of course sometimes the more we question him about it, the more he runs the other way.
In this case, it’s a downhill road for you – straight to anxiousness.
This anxiety will lead you to overthink.
Secondly: if he’s not invested in the relationship anymore, he’s definitely not interested and you’re not overthinking.
So that’s the key: figure out whether he’s investing in you and in the relationship, or whether he’s pulling his investment away (or worse, his investment is going to other women).
If he is pulling his investment away and you want it back, I suggest to you my program “How to Stay High Value When He Pulls Away”. (The promise of this course is for you to learn the secret to showing up & staying as a high value woman when your man pulls away, so that he can come back to you with more interest, more desire & more appreciation for you.)
Regardless, there are some clear signs he’s losing interest, so let’s have a look at those now. After we’ve gone through the signs, we’ll talk about what you can do about it.
By the way, if you see less than 5 of these signs on the list, there could be something else going on, meaning he’s not really losing interest.
If you see 5 or more of these signs, it’s time to assess what’s going on in the relationship and see what you can do to build the attraction and connection up again.
If you see 7 or more of these signs, then either your relationship is on the outs or you’re dealing with a toxic or insecurely attached (perhaps avoidant) guy.
#1: He Always Seems Bored & Uninterested Around You
…And consistently seeks other avenues of entertainment or connection when you’re with him.
Simply put, if your guy can’t stand to be around you and is always more interested in other things, even when you walk in the room naked, then it’s possible he’s losing interest.
Unless he’s busy playing a video game or is on an important phone call, then you walking in naked would always produce some level of reaction in him.
Even if he’s a respectful gentleman who desires to give you space without groping you.
You’ll see a smile or at least some of his energy coming your way.
If he hasn’t even got that, then you really have to wonder what’s going on with him.
You can find out how serious he is about you with my free quiz: QUIZ TIME: Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with this specially crafted quiz!
#2: He Doesn’t Want To Spend Time With You
Does he avoid spending time with you? Even when you offer to cook his favorite meal or play his favorite video game with him?
Then he might be losing interest in you.
There could be other reasons for this of course, not every sign spells the death of his interest in you, but if this sign is accompanied by a lot of the other signs on my list, then it’s time to pay attention.
#3: He Doesn’t Plan For Your Future Together
A clear sign he’s losing interest is when he refuses to discuss future plans or opts out of previously organized plans for the future.
A man losing interest in you in the short term is one thing, but him opting out of future plans with you, cancelling plans completely or refusing to plan anything for the future is a bad sign.
It means he doesn’t want to invest in the relationship anymore.
A man could have a myriad of reasons for doing this of course, but if he does these things I just mentioned, he’s essentially bailing out on you and on the relationship.
It’s like he’s got one foot out the door.
Recommended reading: The No BS Reason Why Men Won’t Commit To You (It’s Not What You Think).
#4: He Doesn’t Care About Other Men Chasing You
Are you getting a lot of attention from other guys?
Do they send you gifts or try to chat you up?
And does your boyfriend know about this? If he does, then it should bother him!
If it doesn’t, then either he’s sabotaging his own reproductive success (for whatever twisted reason), or he’s lost interest in you completely.
#5: He’s Not As Responsive On The Phone (…And Doesn’t Care To Be)
When a man loses interest, typically he becomes less responsive to your texts and calls.
It’s possible that he ignores your texts and calls for a few hours because he’s busy trying to build his own business from the ground up (been there myself, and he’s my husband now).
But if he is not responsive when you text or call him and he doesn’t care to call or text you back, then there’s a problem.
It’s not a problem if it only lasts a week while he’s focused on other important things.
But it’s a problem if this lasts for months on end.
Especially if he used to be more responsive.
If he’s always ignored your texts and calls then really nothing has changed.
It’s the change in responsiveness that is concerning.
MORE: THIS Is Why Men Don’t Call More Often…
#6: He Does Not Want To Be Romantic Anymore
Have you ever seen those sweet husbands bringing flowers to their wives -even after being married for 50 years?
Yeah, even those guys do something romantic for their wife (at least) once a year.
If your man of a few weeks or months can’t make you breakfast in bed or write a sweet card on your birthday, then it’s time to wonder what’s going on.
Maybe you’ve been fighting a lot and it’s killed his interest in you (but it will be back later when you guys make up).
But if he used to be romantic and hasn’t bothered being so for months or years, then he might be losing interest.
MORE: When He Stops Chasing You & Being Romantic: What To Do?
The truth is, even the least romantic men show their appreciation, adoration and love through a loving touch of the hand or a kiss on your forehead.
Or maybe they’ll surprise you with a coffee from your favorite café on Sunday morning.
Whatever it is, the cheapest men in the world will at least try.
If your guy hasn’t done anything at all for months – and he doesn’t care that he hasn’t done anything for months, he’s either lost interest completely or was never interested in the first place.
#7: He Does Not Ask Questions Anymore
What kind of questions?
Even simple questions like, “how was your catch up with Mary?” or “how was your day?”.
Better still, a guy who is invested in you would ask questions such as:
“How was your workout? Anyone hit on you at the gym?”
“How was your sleep?” (the bare minimum of a question to ask your lover, really).
“What would you like to do on the weekend?”
Or…
“Did your boss get under your skin today?”
It’s not that hard for a man to ask you some questions, really.
Related: Why Men Pull Away & How to Stay High Value.
#8: He Treats You Like A Friend
Some couples are more like friends every day of the week, but these couples usually don’t consciously know that they’re not in the highest value romantic relationship.
Unless they’re asexual and don’t care for romance or sex.
In any good intimate relationship, there’s that element of lust or being “in love”.
You worship each other simply because you’re in love with each other.
However, if you used to be like that with your man and your relationship has been downgraded to “buddy buddies” type of interactions, then he may prefer you there.
In other words, it may be a conscious decision on his part, because he wants to let you down slowly or see the relationship disintegrate more gradually (ie: he’s slow fading you).
Some guys have guilt over breaking up with a woman completely, so it makes sense that they’d want to let you down slowly.
#9: He Doesn’t Notice Anything About You
It’s like you don’t exist.
Even if you changed your hair color from blonde to black, he wouldn’t notice.
And what about when you spend two hours getting dressed and doing your makeup? Does he say anything about it?
Does he compliment you or tell you that he likes your eye makeup?
Not every guy is going to be able to compliment you or give you attention, because a lot of the time, men don’t have a whole lot of attention to give.
At least not as much as us women would prefer.
Recommended: How to Understand Men: 5 Insights On Men to Ease Your Worries.
But what about when he doesn’t notice anything about you at all?
What about when he doesn’t even notice drastic changes in your physical appearance?
The thing with this is that it doesn’t just mean he doesn’t notice your looks, it means he doesn’t care.
#10: He’s Courting Other Women
Maybe he was a womanizer right from the start. If so, then ignore this sign, as he wasn’t ever committed to you anyway.
But if you guys were deeply in love and totally devoted to each other before and now he’s off chasing other women or hitting them up on instagram, that is something different entirely.
That’s him showing that he isn’t as committed to you emotionally and physically as he was before, and that’s a very sad thing to have to realize.
There are cases when couples go through a bad patch, and if you’re with a guy who’s naturally disloyal, he may stray because it’s a part of his personality.
This doesn’t always mean your relationship with him in unsalvageable.
But would you want a man like that?
I know that if my man started chasing other women, I’d take it as a sign he’s no longer interested.
A guy could chase other women and still try to keep you around in the background of course, but that doesn’t indicate an interest in the relationship.
It indicates an interest in keeping you around for his own benefit, or perhaps a desire to control you.
In this video I explain the difference between the woman men commit to versus the women men leave:
#11: There’s No Physical Intimacy
When was the last time you guys were physically intimate with each other?
Is sex no longer a thing in your relationship?
Are you interested in him sexually while he isn’t interested in you sexually?
If so, it could be indicative of his waning interest.
#12: He Has Stopped Planning Dates
One of the signs he’s losing interest is that he no longer plans dates – not even simple ones like lunch out at your favorite restaurant down the road.
When you’re with a man long enough, he will stop planning dates at some point, mainly because other things take priority, like raising kids or making money.
But if he doesn’t want to plan dates at all, even when you bring it up with him, then he may be losing interest.
This isn’t a definite sign he’s losing interest – there’s a lot of gray area with this one.
But if you see this sign alongside many of the other signs, you can deduce that he’s no longer interested.
Would you like to learn the ONE emotional trigger in masculine that makes them want to take care of you for life? CLICK to Learn:
#13: You have A Gut Feeling He’s Losing Interest
Sometimes we don’t need a whole lot of input from outside sources, because our gut is screaming the truth at us.
If this is happening to you – if your gut is screaming to you that he’s lost interest even when you’re not obsessing over the signs he’s losing interest, then you should listen to that.
But remember:
There’s a difference between overthinking and gut feelings.
A gut feeling is a gnawing feeling – your body just knows what’s going on, and it’s a response to a cluster of behavioral changes in your man overall.
Overthinking is just anxiety and getting stuck in your own thoughts.
You can have a strong gut feeling and still overthink things, but there’s definitely a difference.
Overthinking can also be a symptom of anxious attachment style, so if you’re unsure of your attachment style, feel free to take our free quiz and find out…
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
#14: He No Longer Bothers With Your Friends And Family
Speaking from experience, this is one of the most painful signs to have to witness.
There’s nothing more special than having someone love you so much that they also love your friends and family.
And that’s normal behavior when someone is in love with you.
So if you see him avoid putting effort into speaking to your family and friends, and no longer cares to listen when you speak about them, that’s a bit of a red flag.
I am very sorry to say that there’s a good chance he’s checked out of the relationship.
#15: He No Longer Laughs With You
…Or at you.
If your relationship has lost that sense of playfulness and comfort with making fun of each other, things are not good between you.
Does he still laugh at your jokes?
Does he poke fun at you and laugh with you when you laugh at yourself?
Well, that’s a man who doesn’t want to be close to you.
There could be other issues in the relationship that have stripped away his trust in you and desire to connect with you.
If so, then I suggest you address these things.
But if there’s nothing particularly wrong – if you haven’t betrayed him or hurt him and he’s still like this, then maybe he’s losing interest.
#16: He’s Told You That He Doesn’t Trust You
If trust is lost, then there’s a good chance that your man will be gone too.
That’s just how it is with men. Especially when it comes to sexual matters. For example, if you’ve cheated on him or given him reason not to trust you in that department.
You can rebuild trust again, for sure.
But it also depends on how many times you’ve betrayed his trust already, as well as how badly you betrayed him.
#17: You’ve Hurt Him Badly (And You Know It)
If you’ve hurt him emotionally, it can override his feelings of attraction and desire for you.
This is why it’s so important to stay sensitive to a man’s feelings, even though it seems like he doesn’t have any.
He does.
And if you hurt his feelings badly enough, of course his interest will disappear.
The good news is that you can regain his trust with the right approach. That’s right – if you care enough, there’s still hope.
Recommended: 3 Reasons Why Women Fail to Attract Quality Men.
#18: He’s Very Rude To You
Rudeness is a possible sign that he is pushing you away.
And if he’s willing to push you away, it could be because he no longer trusts you and isn’t interested in getting close to you.
Pushing people away helps us avoid intimacy with them.
Obviously there are many reasons why someone would push people away. One of these reasons is that they have a fear of intimacy or an insecure attachment style.
Other reasons include bad relationship influences while growing up, and they have something they need to hide.
Which leads us to the next sign.
#19: He’s Highly Defensive
….Almost as if he has something to hide.
Maybe he doesn’t want to put effort into the relationship anymore and is afraid to admit it to you.
Maybe he’s cheating and feels defensive about it (not likely if you have a good guy on your hands).
Defensiveness could also be a direct result of him not wanting to be confronted about his diminishing interest.
He may not want to deal with how you feel about him losing interest, so he gets defensive instead.
#20: He Completely Avoids Conflict
…And arguments with you.
When people care about each other, when people are invested in each other, sometimes they argue about things.
I’m not talking about throwing objects at each other or insulting each other, I’m talking about the natural conflict that occurs between two unique human beings.
The conflicts that occur between a man and a woman are a natural part of getting closer to each other.
We have all done it with the one we love.
I’m sure you have too if you were both once in love with each other.
However, if he completely refuses to argue or to enter any conflicts with you, that’s a big sign that he’s done.
The care is gone, and he’s got nothing left.
(Here are 22 Sad Signs The Relationship Is Over For Him.)
Yes, there’s a small chance that this is temporary. And if you love him, then I hope it is temporary for your sake.
But if he’s been like this for months already, it’s a sign your guy is losing interest.
#21: He’s Not Affectionate
Last but not least, is him no longer being affectionate towards you anymore.
It goes without saying that a man who loves and adores you will be affectionate. Unless he’s just a cold person (or an avoidant).
Even friends are affectionate towards each other. So if your man can’t be affectionate towards you, then maybe he’s lost attraction for you.
MORE: How to Tell If A Guy Likes You: 6 Signs & 1 Test.
Just in case you’re wondering what a man being affectionate actually looks like, here are some examples:
- He will put his arm around you
- Kiss you
- Try to stay physically close to you
- Have terms of endearment that he uses only with you; and
- Comfort you when you’re sad
What To Do If He’s Lost Interest In You
You really need to make a choice as to whether you’re going to give up on your relationship or try to salvage it.
Oftentimes, a loss of interest is entirely salvageable.
But whether you put in the work to save your relationship with your man depends on:
- How far gone the relationship is
- How much you love him; and
- How much he loves you (if love is not lost, you can save it)
If you want to save your relationship, there’s really only one thing you must do (that is effective):
Build emotional attraction and emotional connection.
Once you build these two things, your man will see the value in being with you.
And once these two things are lost, he won’t see the value in the relationship.
If you see more than 7 of the above signs, you have two things you need to do:
- Work out when the relationship started dying and see what you can learn from it; and
- Walk away with dignity and respect
Wishing you the very best, and remember: you deserve love.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why Would A Guy Suddenly Lose Interest?
There’s a chance that he wasn’t truly interested in the first place. Men suddenly lose interest sometimes because they were actually love bombing you to get what they wanted – sex.
In that case, you can assume that he was only interested in “showing interest” until he got what he wanted.
Signs He’s Losing Interest Through Text?
- He takes longer to reply
- He doesn’t initiate texting with you anymore
He gives shorter replies - He takes a long time to read your messages (ie: it takes ages for you to be left on “read”)
- He no longer uses emojis
- He seems to be texting others
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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