What Makes A Woman Boring & How Not to be Boring to Men

As a woman, you’d rather be labelled a “bitch” than “boring”. Here’s why…

Because boring is inherently value sucking. (It also doesn’t produce attraction which is absolutely critical in any relationship.)

Not only that, being boring makes it harder for you to connect with the right people, whilst repelling the wrong people in your life.

Not to mention, just between you and I, the truth is that boring people are last in line when it comes to reproductive success.

At least that’s the impression boring people give. Uninteresting, unstimulating, “safe” people are rarely sexually attractive. They’re just boring.

In my experience, they also command the least respect.

At least a bitch might be selfishly exciting or at the very least; cause someone to have strong feelings about you.

These strong feelings cause the people who care about you to move towards you, and the wrong people to move away from you.

But BORING? No thanks.

It’s ok to be a bitch….really, it is!

Have you ever noticed that some of the most selfish, crazy, egocentric or even arrogant people still have people gravitating toward them?

Whereas so-called “nice” men and women end up alone. Does the phrase “too nice” ring a bell?

Too nice = boring.

You don’t have to be a bitch to everyone. You don’t even have to set out to be a bitch.

You just need to be okay with knowing that you have a bitch inside you, and that this bitch will come out at the right people in your life.

I’ve had people tell me that they are always kind and respectful to everybody.

And I say….until they kick your dog.

Or hurt your child.

Or steal from your home.

These are extreme examples, but they serve the purpose of making a point.

And that point is that some people are going to inspire the bitch in you. Whilst some people won’t.

And that’s ok.

You don’t have to be a slave to your rules, because it’s these same rules that make you boring and less able to access your high value feminine energy.

CLICK HERE to discover how much you truly live in your feminine energy with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz!

They’re not a bitch, they’re just a bitch to you…

A bitchy or selfish person is rarely a selfish person with everybody.

Even the most selfish people have unselfish sides. But it usually takes a certain type of person to “bring out” their less selfish side.

It’s like that old saying “he’s not an asshole. He’s just an asshole to you.”

It’s not always true, but there’s definitely truth in it.

Now I’m about to get a tiny bit ‘evolutionary thinking’ on you in the next paragraph. If you choose to pay attention, I promise it will help you know how to stop being a boring girlfriend.

From an evolutionary perspective, the ‘nicest’ people (especially nice men); the people who like to please people and get their approval, only think they have to be nice because they feel like don’t have too many mating “options”.

Why is this? Well, because, people who have value, have a lot of options to choose from.

Men with value, and women with value have many, many ‘options’ and potential suitors at their door.

Because of these options, high value people don’t even have the brain space to go out of their way to please people.

There simply is no need to please, because there is always a nice option out there for them.

Their life is far too interesting, and the other high status people they hang around are far too engaging.

So, whether you truly are a ‘bad catch’ (you’re not!), being overly ‘nice’ STILL sends this subconscious message to people: I don’t have too many options at my door.

It’s that inherent fear of being abandoned or hated if we are not nice that drives us to be boring women.

Here’s an article that will help you figure out if you have fear of abandonment (or abandonment issues).

And the truth is, when we aren’t ‘nice’, sometimes we can upset people, because they don’t get what they want.

But why would you want to give them what they want if they are not invested in you in the first place? Why would you want to please them if they didn’t care about you?

Read this article on Pleaser Women Always Lose Out: The Difference Between Pleasing & Giving.

And here’s the thing: sex is at the bottom of pretty much everything we do.

It’s the underpinning of why we do what we do. Survival and reproduction created us. We are here to continue to survive and procreate.

Without these two drives, we are nothing. And these are the two strongest drives within us.

This woman slapped a man in public?!

So let me tell you about a lady I recently spoke to who slapped a man in a public art gallery the first time they met!

As much of a bitch as you may seem when you publicly slap a man and walk off after he said something “demeaning”, you are also exciting.

(A woman named Stephanie who emailed me recently proved this. She slapped a man she met at an art gallery for telling her she has a ‘very nice hourglass figure’ the first time they met.)

And in fact, it was the MAN she slapped who e-mailed me for advice. I later got talking to this lady as well.

By the way, they later started dating and roughly 2 months later, are still together as we speak (thanks for the updates Stephanie).

So, having said all this – it’s ok if you’ve been boring before.

I went through that stage. And I think we’ve all been through it. Sometimes fear gets the better of us and we become ‘paralyzed’ and can’t be alive and present with life. (read my article about boring vs crazy women)

CLICK HERE to LEARN the One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Masculine Man That Inspires Him to Want to Take Care of You, Worship You and Deeply Commit to You.

Why can a woman get away with slapping a man in public?

Slapping a man is bordering on abuse. Perhaps it is abuse.

It is not only quite possibly an abusive act….it may be considered to be totally out of proportion to the man’s compliment.

Yet for whatever reason, this lady felt his comment on her “very nice hourglass figure” (given to her the first time they met), was not good.

So why would a slap have the added perk of being “interesting” to men, rather than being “boring”?

Here’s the psychology behind this. (Personally, I would never slap a man in an art gallery the first time we met).

But the reason why it seemingly didn’t backfire on this lady, is because of the fact that authentic emotion inspires a particular response in men.

Was the way she expressed her authentic emotion ideal? Possibly not.

But was her action a result of feeling angry? Mostly likely yes.

Was her slap a sign that she erected her own boundaries? Yes, but arguably too aggressively.

She responded to him with a slap, and he got the message.

So, whilst her action is extreme, right now for us, it serves a purpose.

It serves the purpose of being an example of just how important feeling and embodying our authentic emotion is.

And it’s important to feel it and express it because it is effective in teaching men how to treat us, and to value us!

Not only that, it is often the only thing that really gets through to men!

A lot of women try to have “discussions” and “talks” to their man about things. And are surprised when he doesn’t change.

Well, men only change when we actually embody our primary emotion. Here’s an example of this primary emotion and how you can use your vulnerability with men.

Arguably, this woman’s aggressive assertion of her boundaries, gave the guy what most good men want: a woman who is able to embody her authentic emotion.

Without a woman’s authentic emotion, men will find her boring. Because women like this are inauthentic and not real.

The example of this lady slapping this man in the art gallery? It’s extreme, but it is an extreme example of what works to inspire men to be more emotionally sensitive to us and invested in us.

It’s much better to have a less violent response to this guy.

But as I said, a woman who chooses to be too nice is not only going to get taken advantage of by the type of men who are out to exploit.

She is far less interesting for a man to be with!

A woman without boundaries and multidimensionality is ultimately boring.

So should you be violent towards men?

As for the question of whether being violent towards men is the right answer, of course it is not.

Unless it is the right response.

For example, if a guy is repeatedly disregarding your boundaries despite you putting up boundaries, then at some point it would be best for you to resort to some kind of aggressive remark or action.

And that’s to put him in his place.

That’s a part of life that a lot of women are too nice for.

But just because a woman is never angry, aggressive or violent, doesn’t always mean she is a high value woman.

It also doesn’t mean she is a better person.

Read this article by my husband on The Nicest Version Of You Versus The Best Version Of You.

In fact, often it is the people who are stuck in their rules about being ‘nice’ who ultimately cause hurt.

Often it is the pleasers and approval seekers who end up doing the most damage in this world.

Not only are they boring, they strip value from the world because they never honour how they are really feeling.

They put their authentic emotion under the carpet, and keep it as a weapon.

Or, they let it simmer until it reaches boiling point.

And this is why being ‘nice’ is not only boring, it’s manifests as a form of fakeness and violence in and of itself.

Because when your emotion reaches boiling point, it is usually the unsuspecting, undeserving people who have to take the brunt of the blow.

Does that still sound very “nice” to you?

Women with authentic emotion are more trustworthy to men

Yes, women with authentic emotion are more trustworthy to men, because their emotion gets dealt with spontaensouly and immediately.

Instead of letting emotions fester to the point of explosive resentment and anger, the emotion is expressed and felt and then no residue is leftover.

It’s the residue that damages men (and people in general).

A woman who withholds emotion only to later on weaponize them is not only highly untrustworthy, she is showing up low value.

CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)

But here’s the question…

What actually makes a woman boring & how not to be a boring girlfriend?

I’ve done a lot of thinking about this subject, and I’ve narrowed it down to 5 simple things that make a woman boring, just for your reference.

So if you want to figure out how to not be a boring girlfriend, listen up because…boring girlfriends and wives often have these 5 mindsets.

What are the 5 mindsets of boring girlfriends?

Number 1 – The tendency to avoid being noticed in social situations for fear of people judging you.

Number 2 – Having the mindset that “mistakes are bad”.

This belief usually goes under the radar, in your subconscious. You may not think you hold this belief, but your actions show that you do.

Just in case you’re interested – this belief is not really YOURS. You picked it up at School.

Mistakes are one of the most valuable things in your life. Every time you make a mistake, you give yourself a beautiful gift.

The gift of becoming an even more experienced, wise and interesting woman because you’ve learned more about what ‘works’ and what doesn’t work in life.

If you choose to, you become more, as a person. (By the way, click here to get your free “Goddess Report”)

In reality, you don’t need to avoid doing the wrong thing with men.

What you truly need, is to fail faster.

But not use “it’s ok to fail” as an excuse to constantly devalue yourself for a man! It might be a hard thing to do – but it works.

Number 3 – Holding the belief that you shouldn’t ever say ‘bad’ things about others.

I know your grandma meant well when she said: “if you haven’t got anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”, and there definitely IS truth in that.

But the problem comes when you take it to the extreme and don’t ever voice your honest opinions on another person’s way of acting, or another person’s belief.

In order to be a valuable person socially, your thoughts on another person’s values and habits actually set you apart.

And they show that you have the energy, and the passion in your life to actually stand for something.

Passion is an incredibly attractive thing, in case you haven’t noticed yet.

And of course – the other valuable thing about having an opinion is that it bonds you further to other people who share your values too.

If you’re always trying to be a pleasing person and give “equal respect” or “equal kind treatment” to EVERYBODY, you’re really being kind to nobody.

Not to mention, what’s worse is that you’re hardly going to develop a connection with many men, or even women.

Because there’s no depth to the relationship or friendship.

By the way, being boring is one of the things you want to avoid if you want to get a high value boyfriend in your life.

A lot of us want to avoid being the ‘mean’ or judgmental person, but that’s boring because you’re rejecting a part of yourself.

In the end, what excites us, and what draws other high value, high status men to you is what’s exciting about you.

And when you think about it, what excites us humans is the juicy, controversial stuff. 

So you don’t have to be a woman who beats up her man or torches his car. That’s wrong.

But can you be a woman with a natural air of mystery by being multidimensional, and not rejecting your dark feminine side?

I think you could!

Here’s a great article by my incredible husband on How To Become A Woman Of Mystery & Feminine Allure.

So should you sit there bagging other people all day long to make yourself feel better? Probably not.

But you should express your honest, authentic feelings and opinions, and use that as a way of bonding to others.

Don’t just bitch with bad intentions because you’re green with envy or like to see others fail. That makes you the low value person.

There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. CLICK HERE to find out what they are.

Number 4 – Talking about yourself all the time.

Gosh it’s frustrating to hang around people who can only ever muster up conversations about themselves, isn’t it?

Especially when you are in a group. And the problem is, most of these people don’t even realize they are doing it.

You want to aim for a conversation that adds value to YOU as well as others.

If you want to talk about yourself, fine – as long as you care about making them interesting and relateable. If you have interesting, great stories to tell, people will want to listen.

Number 5 – A lack of passion.

If you’re not passionate, you’re not alive.

If you’re not alive, you’re not very engaging or energetic; you’re boring.

Which means that fewer men will want to commit their life to you, and people will not find value in spending time with you.

This is basically all to say that it’s ok to be you. You are not naturally meant to be boring!

Especially as a woman, you have a menstrual cycle every month, and who you are going to be each day isn’t always going to be predictable.

So, by trying hard to stick to your rules is going to ruin your passion for life.

It won’t only ruin your passion for life. It will ruin your enjoyment of it, and therefore your ability to connect to all of life and show up as a multidimensional woman!

If you want your phone to be buzzing at least sometimes and if you want men to pursue you – get passionate.

Start giving yourself the gift of feeling alive.

You may be imperfect, but you’re alive.

(What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…)

Do you know the dark art of “High Value Banter” that helps you quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”? CLICK HERE to learn how in this free class.

So, How Not to be Boring in a Relationship?

There are a few action steps you can take. But I’m only giving you one to start with.

Become a passionate person.

How do you become a passionate person? It’s simple: Care. Go first. Just care about the things you’re not used to caring about.

For example, other people. Or just care more about learning from people.

Learning from their life experience. Or even sharing and talking with other people whose stories you can learn from.

Do you want to experience something in your relationship, like for example, more fun? Give it first. Add that value first.

You want a friend to appreciate you more? Appreciate them first.

You want people to notice your efforts more? Notice other people’s efforts first.

Counter-intuitive, but it works!

You want a man to approach you or be warm to you? Smile at him first.

Don’t expect him to know what you are thinking. (He’s a MAN!)

So how does doing any of that make you passionate?

It makes you passionate because you’re putting yourself through what is hard.

You’re not doing what most people do, which is to sit there and complain or DEMAND that something happen TO you (being a pathological value extractor).

You’re moving through your own comfort zone and demanding more from yourself, which automatically makes you FEEL more.

It moves you. It moves you to feel.

And when you feel, there’s more of you to offer.

People aren’t passionate not just because they’re not passionate – but because they never make themselves DO anything.

So they are not ALIVE.

When you do this, it actually makes you passionate and less boring as a woman, because it’s a physical thing.

Moving through emotional difficulty is also moving through physical difficulty.

It’s a physical and biological state change.

And so it will be, that the energy you put out to the world will be more passionate.

More multidimensional. Less boring.

Learn the 17 Attraction Triggers, click here to find this out. 

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my new program, “Becoming His One & Only”. Click HERE to get yourself a copy!)

So I’m curious: Do you agree? What do you think makes somebody boring?

renee wade what to do when he doesn't call

P.S. If you liked this article, CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.

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Obviously dating a boring girl isn’t ideal but it’s infinitely better than dating a violent woman. The purpose of dating is to grow a relationship into a marriage (and potentially having children). Women who slap men to be “interesting” make for terrible wives. That’s why most American men don’t marry feminists. A strong woman doesn’t have to be a feminist either. Boring women can be difficult to spend time with but they make for better mothers, wives and caretakers. Also while it’s true sex is a strong motivating factor in relationships it eventually fades away as a couple ages. The… Read more »


There is no such thing as a boring person. No one’s boring, if you know how to dig. Mind games can hook the lizard brain, but how about what really hides in the depths of a person’s mind and personality? I always think ‘why does this person behave the way they do?’..even when they’re too agreeable, too nice. It’s about knowing how to ask the right question and how to dig deep.

david davies
david davies

Accurate as far as you take it. I have a boring woman; and within the confines of her boredom she is interesting-a homebody. there is comfort there. but she has little attractiveness. for the above listed reasons. I would add one more category: risk taking. to break out, or a girl who has broken out, is a risk taker. The thrill of taking that risk-that gamble, and the payoff for a boring girl is a most thrilling moment. It shatters the self perceptions; the self-limitations. Its best to take risks with men, it seems the focal point of most boring… Read more »

James Miles
James Miles

One, slapping a man is not on, that is assault. Two, most women are boring and have no hobbies, whereas most guys have heaps of hobbies. Being nice is not a bad thing, if a woman cannot get excited being with a guy who treats her well and wonr put up with her bullshit, then she is the one with the issues. Hows about rather than expecting perfection in a guy, you ladies work on not being boring. Because if you are boring, the only thing of value you have is a vagina.

Reply to  James Miles

Totally! Feminism teaches women now that men can be mistreated. Slap me, and I will call the police, and press charges. Hitting men is assault, and women want equality right. Well with that comes equal responsibility. Hit me, and you will take full responsibility. Women are littered with double standards, and frankly, most of them are not even dateable because their high-maintenance princess list of what THEY deserve is so far out to lunch that no person could ever be it. I have yet to find a woman with hobbies. Most bicker, and gossip about each other, and push utter… Read more »

Vera Maria
Vera Maria

Hey! I’m one of those bitches. As I read that you’ve once been on the boring side I was kinda: oh yeah, me too. Why yeah: because sometimes I fear falling into old patterns (which never happens), so yeah. But I want to add: it’s not just about physical appearance etc. It’s about creating an exciting life. This also includes having good friends and so on. A friend of mine is the exact opposite of pretty (it’s a fact) and so on yet she’s a bitch and tends to attract men quite often 😉

Jesse George
Jesse George

Lol, I find #3 to be complete bullshit. Too many women gossip negative stuff, it’s become a completely generic trait. It is therefore boring as it does not separate you from the rest. Not saying being too agreeable is the solution, but there is a spectrum. Women who stand on the far left of the spectrum are boring as hell….they are everywhere…backstabbing one another as well as the opposite sex…there is enough negativity in the world and for a person to say that makes it’s “exciting” makes me sick. Are you a sadist? The #1 trait I find that makes… Read more »


I think “exciting” bitchy girl is far from what men really want in LONG term. Once I’ve seen my man getting EXCITED in a conversation with a girl who was literally agressive with her bitchiness and “passion”. It made me feel insecure – a BORING, low value person. I thought I’m loosing him beause I can’t be the way that bitchy girl is. But you know what? I found deep inside my feminine strenght and high value – and I found a way to get my man back, staying KIND and CLASSY, not shouting nor slapping anybody there. And I… Read more »

Reply to  Rosarium

Loosing? You don’t sound too intelligent. In your attempt to appear intelligent, you still screw it up.


Hey this is quite boring: again about attraction games.

Super Janice
Super Janice

“Having the mindset that “mistakes are bad”. This belief usually goes under the radar, in your subconscious. You may not think you hold this belief, but your actions show that you do.

Just in case you’re interested – this belief is not really YOURS. You picked it up at School.”

But why do masculine men do not like to be told they are wrong?

Reply to  Super Janice

cause they see their authoritativeness diminished…
An ego mechanic reaction (ego is an evolutive tool to manage power in the herd, present in all social species)

Super Janice
Super Janice
Reply to  paolo

Just in case you’re interested – this belief may be mine.
If not, I must have picked it up at Home.

Tina Brown
Tina Brown

I will have to forego this advice. I used to employ bitch tactics and they may work for a while but they get old and are hard to keep up when you like someone a lot. It’s also not really who I am. i get more pleasure out of treating others kindly and considerately than treating them like they don’t matter or have low value to me. Being nice doesn’t mean a uninteresting, doormat, or that you lack options. Most people have a lot of options, but VERY few people have options they really want. Most people know this so… Read more »


What I’m reading here in conclusion is that superficial seems to be what is attractive. She does make some good points, but I can’t seem superficial people forming any kind of meaningful relationship. Girl goes on a few dates, she’s exciting and interesting to the guy, as soon as she expresses that she’s a caring human being, he loses interest. She becomes a pain in the ass, unwitty, needy, unexciting, awkward and a loser. Then because she expects adult communication from him instead of ignoring her, she is now seen as crazy and unattractive, no matter how hot she is.… Read more »


Wtf did I just read? Is this author serious, slap a man in public to attract him? Men don’t want selfish bitches. Men want feminine, nonjudgemental, approachable, confident, with high self-esteem, and assertive women. Not bitchy women. This article is insane. Which is more disrespectful, the bad pick-up line, or the slap to the face


The article and comments are stuck on two generalizations: selfish+exciting versus boring+nice. However to me these are all separate traits. For example, there are plenty of selfish AND boring people… look up what “basic b*tch” means. I generally regard most young urban women this way There are also very nice people who swear a lot and do active things (e.g. extreme sports), however they are far from selfish.

Vera Maria
Vera Maria
Reply to  Ok

I agree to this. Agreeableness is btw a personality trait which you cannot change in yourself. Yet, you can still be a bitch. 😉


Great article. I realize at 52 hat being the nice girl was not the way to be. All my slutty friends are happily married with grandchildren on the way. Survival of the fittest while my lineage stops here. So listen up nice girls – before it is too late !

Reply to  Lisa

Really? You find this great? I have nothing against having a colorful sexual history and I agree with you that you don’t need to be a “good girl” to get wifed up, but to be superficial in order to keep a man? He really can’t be much of a good person then and you want a man who will love you when shot gets real in your life. Not go behind your back and chest because you’re going through some tough times.


I wish Renee would respond to the commenters who do not agree with her or are confused about the story rather than just chiming in to give kudos to those whose comments and/ or experiences support her perspective. WHY IS THE HOURGLASS COMPLIMENT OFFENSIVE? I have seen it asked here a couple times and after taking the time to read all of this I see it still has not been answered. My only motive for reading every last comment was the hope that Renee had responded somewhere with an explanation. Obviously I’m not alone. If he had said “nice ass”… Read more »


Lovely article and great incite. Probably the women felt uncomfortable when he complimented on her figure and she took it as an offense. Probably a lot of men harass her on her figure and she may have thought as him being one of those disrespectful men. Some women may take it as a compliment when a man flatters her on her figure but some women may not like it so much because it makes them feel uncomfortable. Probably she would of not took it so offensively if he told her that was “very pretty” instead. We have to be understanding… Read more »

Mikey K
Mikey K

I disagree with the introductory premise. I’d much prefer to be around a woman who is kind, considerate & nice–what you might call “boring”, than a selfish bitch. I’ve been around and dated my share of selfish bitches, and as far as I’m concerned they can all get on a boat and sail over the edge of the earth, never to be seen again by anyone. Truly kind people are relatively rare and kind (boring) women make for better relationships, better sex, and they make me a better person. Edginess, or whatever you want to call it, is not a… Read more »


Love #3, 4 and 5. With regard to number 3, we are being told all the time not to judge, but… why not? What’s wrong with judging something that you don’t like and admiring it? Being too positive all the time comes across as fake and unrealistic.

With regard to #5 – I am not sure if passion is something one can get, if they don’t have it in a first place, but if there is a way to do it, it surely is worth trying.


Lacking sense of humor is what makes people boring 🙂

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