As a woman, you’d rather be labelled a “bitch” than “boring”. Here’s why…
I’ve been thinking, and when it comes to bad labels, you’d much rather the people you care about label you a bitch than label you “boring”.
Why? Because boring is inherently value sucking. (It also doesn’t produce attraction which is absolutely critical in any relationship.)
Not only that, being boring makes it harder for you to connect with the right people, whilst repelling the wrong people in your life.
Not to mention, just between you and I, the truth is that boring people are last in line when it comes to reproductive success.
At least that’s the impression boring people give. Uninteresting, unstimulating, “safe” people are rarely sexually attractive. They’re just boring.
In my experience, they also command the least respect.
At least a bitch might be selfishly exciting or at the very least; cause someone to have strong feelings about you.
These strong feelings cause the people who care about you to move towards you, and the wrong people to move away from you.
But BORING? No thanks.
It’s ok to be a bitch….really, it is!
Have you ever noticed that some of the most selfish, crazy, egocentric or even arrogant people still have people gravitating toward them?
Whereas so-called “nice” men and women end up alone. Does the phrase “too nice” ring a bell?
Too nice = boring.
You don’t have to be a bitch to everyone. You don’t even have to set out to be a bitch.
You just need to be okay with knowing that you have a bitch inside you, and that this bitch will come out at the right people in your life.
I’ve had people tell me that they are always kind and respectful to everybody.
And I say….until they kick your dog.
Or hurt your child.
Or steal from your home.
These are extreme examples, but they serve the purpose of making a point.
And that point is that some people are going to inspire the bitch in you. Whilst some people won’t.
And that’s ok.
You don’t have to be a slave to your rules, because it’s these same rules that make you boring and less able to access your high value feminine energy.
They’re not a bitch, they’re just a bitch to you…
A bitchy or selfish person is rarely a selfish person with everybody.
Even the most selfish people have unselfish sides. But it usually takes a certain type of person to “bring out” their less selfish side.
It’s like that old saying “he’s not an asshole. He’s just an asshole to you.”
It’s not always true, but there’s definitely truth in it.
Now I’m about to get a tiny bit ‘evolutionary thinking’ on you in the next paragraph. If you choose to pay attention, I promise it will help you know how to stop being a boring girlfriend.
From an evolutionary perspective, the ‘nicest’ people (especially nice men); the people who like to please people and get their approval, only think they have to be nice because they feel like don’t have too many mating “options”.
Why is this? Well, because, people who have value, have a lot of options to choose from.
Men with value, and women with value have many, many ‘options’ and potential suitors at their door.
Because of these options, high value people don’t even have the brain space to go out of their way to please people.
There simply is no need to please, because there is always a nice option out there for them.
Their life is far too interesting, and the other high status people they hang around are far too engaging.
So, whether you truly are a ‘bad catch’ (you’re not!), being overly ‘nice’ STILL sends this subconscious message to people: I don’t have too many options at my door.
It’s that inherent fear of being abandoned or hated if we are not nice that drives us to be boring women.
Here’s an article that will help you figure out if you have fear of abandonment (or abandonment issues).
And the truth is, when we aren’t ‘nice’, sometimes we can upset people, because they don’t get what they want.
But why would you want to give them what they want if they are not invested in you in the first place? Why would you want to please them if they didn’t care about you?
Read this article on Pleaser Women Always Lose Out: The Difference Between Pleasing & Giving.
And here’s the thing: sex is at the bottom of pretty much everything we do.
It’s the underpinning of why we do what we do. Survival and reproduction created us. We are here to continue to survive and procreate.
Without these two drives, we are nothing. And these are the two strongest drives within us.
This woman slapped a man in public?!
So let me tell you about a lady I recently spoke to who slapped a man in a public art gallery the first time they met!
As much of a bitch as you may seem when you publicly slap a man and walk off after he said something “demeaning”, you are also exciting.
(A woman named Stephanie who emailed me recently proved this. She slapped a man she met at an art gallery for telling her she has a ‘very nice hourglass figure’ the first time they met.)
And in fact, it was the MAN she slapped who e-mailed me for advice. I later got talking to this lady as well.
By the way, they later started dating and roughly 2 months later, are still together as we speak (thanks for the updates Stephanie).
So, having said all this – it’s ok if you’ve been boring before.
I went through that stage. And I think we’ve all been through it. Sometimes fear gets the better of us and we become ‘paralyzed’ and can’t be alive and present with life. (read my article about boring vs crazy women)
Why can a woman get away with slapping a man in public?
Slapping a man is bordering on abuse. Perhaps it is abuse.
It is not only quite possibly an abusive act….it may be considered to be totally out of proportion to the man’s compliment.
Yet for whatever reason, this lady felt his comment on her “very nice hourglass figure” (given to her the first time they met), was not good.
So why would a slap have the added perk of being “interesting” to men, rather than being “boring”?
Here’s the psychology behind this. (Personally, I would never slap a man in an art gallery the first time we met).
But the reason why it seemingly didn’t backfire on this lady, is because of the fact that authentic emotion inspires a particular response in men.
Was the way she expressed her authentic emotion ideal? Possibly not.
But was her action a result of feeling angry? Mostly likely yes.
Was her slap a sign that she erected her own boundaries? Yes, but arguably too aggressively.
She responded to him with a slap, and he got the message.
So, whilst her action is extreme, right now for us, it serves a purpose.
It serves the purpose of being an example of just how important feeling and embodying our authentic emotion is.
And it’s important to feel it and express it because it is effective in teaching men how to treat us, and to value us!
Not only that, it is often the only thing that really gets through to men!
A lot of women try to have “discussions” and “talks” to their man about things. And are surprised when he doesn’t change.
Well, men only change when we actually embody our primary emotion. Here’s an example of this primary emotion and how you can use your vulnerability with men.
Arguably, this woman’s aggressive assertion of her boundaries, gave the guy what most good men want: a woman who is able to embody her authentic emotion.
Without a woman’s authentic emotion, men will find her boring. Because women like this are inauthentic and not real.
The example of this lady slapping this man in the art gallery? It’s extreme, but it is an extreme example of what works to inspire men to be more emotionally sensitive to us and invested in us.
It’s much better to have a less violent response to this guy.
But as I said, a woman who chooses to be too nice is not only going to get taken advantage of by the type of men who are out to exploit.
She is far less interesting for a man to be with!
A woman without boundaries and multidimensionality is ultimately boring.
So should you be violent towards men?
As for the question of whether being violent towards men is the right answer, of course it is not.
Unless it is the right response.
For example, if a guy is repeatedly disregarding your boundaries despite you putting up boundaries, then at some point it would be best for you to resort to some kind of aggressive remark or action.
And that’s to put him in his place.
That’s a part of life that a lot of women are too nice for.
But just because a woman is never angry, aggressive or violent, doesn’t always mean she is a high value woman.
It also doesn’t mean she is a better person.
Read this article by my husband on The Nicest Version Of You Versus The Best Version Of You.
In fact, often it is the people who are stuck in their rules about being ‘nice’ who ultimately cause hurt.
Often it is the pleasers and approval seekers who end up doing the most damage in this world.
Not only are they boring, they strip value from the world because they never honour how they are really feeling.
They put their authentic emotion under the carpet, and keep it as a weapon.
Or, they let it simmer until it reaches boiling point.
And this is why being ‘nice’ is not only boring, it’s manifests as a form of fakeness and violence in and of itself.
Because when your emotion reaches boiling point, it is usually the unsuspecting, undeserving people who have to take the brunt of the blow.
Does that still sound very “nice” to you?
Women with authentic emotion are more trustworthy to men
Yes, women with authentic emotion are more trustworthy to men, because their emotion gets dealt with spontaensouly and immediately.
Instead of letting emotions fester to the point of explosive resentment and anger, the emotion is expressed and felt and then no residue is leftover.
It’s the residue that damages men (and people in general).
A woman who withholds emotion only to later on weaponize them is not only highly untrustworthy, she is showing up low value.
CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
But here’s the question…
What actually makes a woman boring & how not to be a boring girlfriend?
I’ve done a lot of thinking about this subject, and I’ve narrowed it down to 5 simple things that make a woman boring, just for your reference.
So if you want to figure out how to not be a boring girlfriend, listen up because…boring girlfriends and wives often have these 5 mindsets.
What are the 5 mindsets of boring girlfriends?
Number 1 – The tendency to avoid being noticed in social situations for fear of people judging you.
Number 2 – Having the mindset that “mistakes are bad”.
This belief usually goes under the radar, in your subconscious. You may not think you hold this belief, but your actions show that you do.
Just in case you’re interested – this belief is not really YOURS. You picked it up at School.
Mistakes are one of the most valuable things in your life. Every time you make a mistake, you give yourself a beautiful gift.
The gift of becoming an even more experienced, wise and interesting woman because you’ve learned more about what ‘works’ and what doesn’t work in life.
If you choose to, you become more, as a person. (By the way, click here to get your free “Goddess Report”)
In reality, you don’t need to avoid doing the wrong thing with men.
What you truly need, is to fail faster.
But not use “it’s ok to fail” as an excuse to constantly devalue yourself for a man! It might be a hard thing to do – but it works.
Number 3 – Holding the belief that you shouldn’t ever say ‘bad’ things about others.
I know your grandma meant well when she said: “if you haven’t got anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”, and there definitely IS truth in that.
But the problem comes when you take it to the extreme and don’t ever voice your honest opinions on another person’s way of acting, or another person’s belief.
In order to be a valuable person socially, your thoughts on another person’s values and habits actually set you apart.
And they show that you have the energy, and the passion in your life to actually stand for something.
Passion is an incredibly attractive thing, in case you haven’t noticed yet.
And of course – the other valuable thing about having an opinion is that it bonds you further to other people who share your values too.
If you’re always trying to be a pleasing person and give “equal respect” or “equal kind treatment” to EVERYBODY, you’re really being kind to nobody.
Not to mention, what’s worse is that you’re hardly going to develop a connection with many men, or even women.
Because there’s no depth to the relationship or friendship.
By the way, being boring is one of the things you want to avoid if you want to get a high value boyfriend in your life.
A lot of us want to avoid being the ‘mean’ or judgmental person, but that’s boring because you’re rejecting a part of yourself.
In the end, what excites us, and what draws other high value, high status men to you is what’s exciting about you.
And when you think about it, what excites us humans is the juicy, controversial stuff.
So you don’t have to be a woman who beats up her man or torches his car. That’s wrong.
But can you be a woman with a natural air of mystery by being multidimensional, and not rejecting your dark feminine side?
I think you could!
Here’s a great article by my incredible husband on How To Become A Woman Of Mystery & Feminine Allure.
So should you sit there bagging other people all day long to make yourself feel better? Probably not.
But you should express your honest, authentic feelings and opinions, and use that as a way of bonding to others.
Don’t just bitch with bad intentions because you’re green with envy or like to see others fail. That makes you the low value person.
Number 4 – Talking about yourself all the time.
Gosh it’s frustrating to hang around people who can only ever muster up conversations about themselves, isn’t it?
Especially when you are in a group. And the problem is, most of these people don’t even realize they are doing it.
You want to aim for a conversation that adds value to YOU as well as others.
If you want to talk about yourself, fine – as long as you care about making them interesting and relateable. If you have interesting, great stories to tell, people will want to listen.
Number 5 – A lack of passion.
If you’re not passionate, you’re not alive.
If you’re not alive, you’re not very engaging or energetic; you’re boring.
Which means that fewer men will want to commit their life to you, and people will not find value in spending time with you.
This is basically all to say that it’s ok to be you. You are not naturally meant to be boring!
Especially as a woman, you have a menstrual cycle every month, and who you are going to be each day isn’t always going to be predictable.
So, by trying hard to stick to your rules is going to ruin your passion for life.
It won’t only ruin your passion for life. It will ruin your enjoyment of it, and therefore your ability to connect to all of life and show up as a multidimensional woman!
If you want your phone to be buzzing at least sometimes and if you want men to pursue you – get passionate.
Start giving yourself the gift of feeling alive.
You may be imperfect, but you’re alive.
(What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…)
Do you know the dark art of “High Value Banter” that helps you quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”? CLICK HERE to learn how in this free class.
So, How Not to be Boring in a Relationship?
There are a few action steps you can take. But I’m only giving you one to start with.
Become a passionate person.
How do you become a passionate person? It’s simple: Care. Go first. Just care about the things you’re not used to caring about.
For example, other people. Or just care more about learning from people.
Learning from their life experience. Or even sharing and talking with other people whose stories you can learn from.
Do you want to experience something in your relationship, like for example, more fun? Give it first. Add that value first.
You want a friend to appreciate you more? Appreciate them first.
You want people to notice your efforts more? Notice other people’s efforts first.
Counter-intuitive, but it works!
You want a man to approach you or be warm to you? Smile at him first.
Don’t expect him to know what you are thinking. (He’s a MAN!)
So how does doing any of that make you passionate?
It makes you passionate because you’re putting yourself through what is hard.
You’re not doing what most people do, which is to sit there and complain or DEMAND that something happen TO you (being a pathological value extractor).
You’re moving through your own comfort zone and demanding more from yourself, which automatically makes you FEEL more.
It moves you. It moves you to feel.
And when you feel, there’s more of you to offer.
People aren’t passionate not just because they’re not passionate – but because they never make themselves DO anything.
So they are not ALIVE.
When you do this, it actually makes you passionate and less boring as a woman, because it’s a physical thing.
Moving through emotional difficulty is also moving through physical difficulty.
It’s a physical and biological state change.
And so it will be, that the energy you put out to the world will be more passionate.
More multidimensional. Less boring.
(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my new program, “Becoming His One & Only”. Click HERE to get yourself a copy!)
So I’m curious: Do you agree? What do you think makes somebody boring?
If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.
By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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