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As a woman, you’d rather be labelled a “selfish bitch” than “Boring”. Here’s Why…

Article updated 2018

I’ve been thinking, and when it comes to bad labels, you much rather the people you care about label you a selfish bitch than label you “boring”. Why? Because boring people are last in line when it comes to reproductive success. At least that’s the impression boring people give. Uninteresting, unstimulating, “safe” people are rarely sexually attractive. They’re just boring.

In my experience, they also command the least respect and the least popularity.

At least a selfish bitch might be selfishly exciting or at the very least; cause someone to have strong feelings about you. That’s better than someone not caring about you altogether.

But BORING? No thanks.

Have you ever noticed that some of the most selfish, crazy, egocentric or even arrogant people still have people gravitating toward them? Whereas so-called “nice” men and women end up alone. Does the phrase “too nice” ring a bell? To me, too nice = boring.

By the way, a selfish person is rarely a selfish person with everybody. Even the most selfish people have unselfish sides, but it usually takes a certain type of person to “bring out” their less selfish side.

Now I’m about to get a tiny bit ‘evolutionary thinking’ on you in the next paragraph. If you choose to pay attention I promise it will pay off.

From an evolutionary perspective, the ‘nicest’ people (especially nice MEN); the people who like to please people, only have to be nice because they don’t have too many mating “options”. Why is this? Well, because, people who have many, many ‘options’ and potential suitors at their door rarely even have the brain space to go out of their way to please people. There simply is no need to please, because there is always a 10/10 option out there for them. Their life is far too exciting, and the other high status people they hang around are far too engaging.

So, whether you truly are a ‘bad catch’ (you’re not!) or a bad potential mate or not, being overly ‘nice’ and agreeable STILL sends this subconscious message to people: I don’t have too many options at my door.

And here’s the thing: sex is at the bottom of pretty much everything we do. It’s the underpinning of why we do what we do. Survival and reproduction created us. We are here to continue to survive and procreate. Without these two drives, we are nothing. And these are the two strongest drives within us.

As much of a bitch as you may seem when you publicly slap a man and walk off after he said something demeaning, you are also exciting. (a woman named Stephanie who emailed me recently proved this. She slapped a man she met at an art gallery for telling her she has a ‘very nice hourglass figure’ the first time they met. And in fact, it was the MAN she slapped who e-mailed me for advice. I later got talking to this lovely lady as well, who is full of depth and a strong sense of self-worth). By the way, they later started dating and roughly 2 months later, are STILL together as we speak (thanks for the updates Stephanie).

So, having said all this – it’s ok if you’ve been boring before. I went through that stage, and I think we’ve all been through it. Sometimes fear gets the better of us and we become ‘paralyzed’ and can’t be alive and present with life. (read my article about boring vs crazy women)

But here’s the question: What actually makes a woman boring and how not to be a boring girlfriend?

I’ve done a lot of thinking about this subject because I intuitively knew that boringness is the last thing you want to be as a woman. So I’ve narrowed it down to 5 simple things that make a woman boring, just for your reference:

1) The tendency to avoid being noticed in social situations for fear of people judging you.

2) Having the mindset that “mistakes are bad”. This belief usually goes under the radar, in your subconscious. You may not think you hold this belief, but your actions show that you do.

Just in case you’re interested – this belief is not really YOURS. You picked it up at School.

Mistakes are one of the most valuable things in your life. Every time you make a mistake, you give yourself a beautiful gift – the gift of becoming an even more experienced, wise and interesting woman because you’ve learned more about what ‘works’ and what doesn’t work in life. If you choose to, you become more, as a person. (Click here to get your “Goddess Report”)

In reality, you don’t need to avoid doing the wrong thing with men – what you truly need, is to fail faster. But not use “it’s ok to fail” as an excuse to constantly devalue yourself for a man! It might be a hard thing to do – but it works.

3) Holding the belief that you shouldn’t ever say ‘bad’ things about others. I know your grandma meant well when she said: “if you haven’t got anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”, and there definitely IS truth in that (thanks nanna). But the problem comes when you take it to the extreme and don’t ever voice your honest opinions on another person’s way of acting, or another person’s belief.

In order to be a valuable person socially – your thoughts on another person’s values and habits actually set you apart – and show that you have the energy, and the PASSION in your life to actually stand for something. Passion is an incredibly attractive thing, in case you haven’t noticed yet.

And of course – the other valuable thing about having an opinion is that it bonds you further to other people who share your values too. If you’re an “agreeable” person and give “equal respect” or “equal kind treatment” to EVERYBODY, you’re hardly going to develop a connection with many men – or even women, because there’s no depth to the relationship or friendship.

A lot of us want to avoid being the ‘mean’ or judgmental person, but that’s boring because you’re rejecting a part of yourself. In the end, what excites us, and what draws other high value, high status men to YOU is what’s exciting about you. And when you think about it, what excites us humans is the juicy, controversial stuff. (read my article the power of words)

So you don’t have to be a woman who beats up her man or torches his car – but there’s a reason why the media hardly ever runs and articles on the ‘happy couple’ – because those stories are too boring to us. Sad and a bit sick, but true.

So should you sit there bagging other people? No. But you SHOULD express your honest, authentic feelings and opinions, and use that as a way of bonding to others. Don’t just bitch with bad intentions because you’re green with envy or like to see others fail. That makes you the low value person.

4) Talking about yourself all the time. Gosh it’s frustrating to hang around people who can only ever muster up conversations about themselves, isn’t it? Especially when you are in a group. And the problem is, most of these people don’t even realize they are doing it.

You want to aim for a conversation that adds value to YOU as well as others. If you want to talk about yourself, fine – as long as you have interesting, great stories to tell.

5) I saved the best one til last – a lack of passion. If you’re not passionate, you’re not alive. If you’re not alive, you’re not very engaging or energetic; you’re boring. Which means that fewer men will want to commit their life to you, and people will not find value in spending time with you. If you want your phone to be buzzing at least sometimes and if you want men to pursue you – get passionate. Start giving yourself the gift of feeling alive. Imperfect, but alive.

(What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…)

So, How Not to be Boring in a Relationship?

There are a few actions steps. But I’m only giving you one to start with.

Become a passionate person.

How do you become a passionate person? It’s simple: Care. Go first. Just care about the things you’re not used to caring about. For example, other people. Or just care more about learning from people. Learning from their life experience. Or even sharing and talking with other people whose stories you can learn from.

Do you want to experience something in your relationship, like for example, more fun? Give it first. Add that value first. You want a friend to appreciate you more? Appreciate them first. You want people to notice your efforts more? Notice other people’s efforts first.

Counter-intuitive, but it works!

You want a man to approach you or be warm to you? Smile at him first. Don’t expect him to know what you are thinking. (He’s a MAN!)

So how does doing any of THAT make you passionate?

It makes you passionate because you’re putting yourself through what is hard. You’re not doing what most people do – which is to sit there and complain or DEMAND that something happen TO you – you’re moving through your own comfort zone and demanding more from yourself, which automatically makes you FEEL more. It moves you.

People aren’t passionate not just because they’re not passionate – but because they never make themselves DO anything. So they are not ALIVE.

And when you do that, it makes you passionate because it’s a physical thing – moving through emotional difficulty is also moving through physical difficulty. You experience it physically and even if your MIND does not remember that it was hard – your BODY does. And the energy you put out to the world will be more passionate.

Learn the 17 Attraction Triggers, click here to find this out. 

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

So I’m curious: Do you agree? What do you think makes somebody boring?

renee-wade

P.S. Connect with me on social media

Our new Facebook Group is here… Join the “High Value Feminine Women” Community using this link

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SeriousCatdavid daviesJames MilesVera MariaJesse George Recent comment authors
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david davies
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david davies

Accurate as far as you take it. I have a boring woman; and within the confines of her boredom she is interesting-a homebody. there is comfort there. but she has little attractiveness. for the above listed reasons. I would add one more category: risk taking. to break out, or a girl who has broken out, is a risk taker. The thrill of taking that risk-that gamble, and the payoff for a boring girl is a most thrilling moment. It shatters the self perceptions; the self-limitations. Its best to take risks with men, it seems the focal point of most boring… Read more »

James Miles
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James Miles

One, slapping a man is not on, that is assault. Two, most women are boring and have no hobbies, whereas most guys have heaps of hobbies. Being nice is not a bad thing, if a woman cannot get excited being with a guy who treats her well and wonr put up with her bullshit, then she is the one with the issues. Hows about rather than expecting perfection in a guy, you ladies work on not being boring. Because if you are boring, the only thing of value you have is a vagina.

SeriousCat
Guest
SeriousCat

Totally! Feminism teaches women now that men can be mistreated. Slap me, and I will call the police, and press charges. Hitting men is assault, and women want equality right. Well with that comes equal responsibility. Hit me, and you will take full responsibility. Women are littered with double standards, and frankly, most of them are not even dateable because their high-maintenance princess list of what THEY deserve is so far out to lunch that no person could ever be it. I have yet to find a woman with hobbies. Most bicker, and gossip about each other, and push utter… Read more »

Vera Maria
Guest
Vera Maria

Hey! I’m one of those bitches. As I read that you’ve once been on the boring side I was kinda: oh yeah, me too. Why yeah: because sometimes I fear falling into old patterns (which never happens), so yeah. But I want to add: it’s not just about physical appearance etc. It’s about creating an exciting life. This also includes having good friends and so on. A friend of mine is the exact opposite of pretty (it’s a fact) and so on yet she’s a bitch and tends to attract men quite often 😉

Jesse George
Guest
Jesse George

Lol, I find #3 to be complete bullshit. Too many women gossip negative stuff, it’s become a completely generic trait. It is therefore boring as it does not separate you from the rest. Not saying being too agreeable is the solution, but there is a spectrum. Women who stand on the far left of the spectrum are boring as hell….they are everywhere…backstabbing one another as well as the opposite sex…there is enough negativity in the world and for a person to say that makes it’s “exciting” makes me sick. Are you a sadist? The #1 trait I find that makes… Read more »

Rosarium
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Rosarium

I think “exciting” bitchy girl is far from what men really want in LONG term. Once I’ve seen my man getting EXCITED in a conversation with a girl who was literally agressive with her bitchiness and “passion”. It made me feel insecure – a BORING, low value person. I thought I’m loosing him beause I can’t be the way that bitchy girl is. But you know what? I found deep inside my feminine strenght and high value – and I found a way to get my man back, staying KIND and CLASSY, not shouting nor slapping anybody there. And I… Read more »

paolo
Guest

Hey this is quite boring: again about attraction games.

Super Janice
Guest
Super Janice

“Having the mindset that “mistakes are bad”. This belief usually goes under the radar, in your subconscious. You may not think you hold this belief, but your actions show that you do.

Just in case you’re interested – this belief is not really YOURS. You picked it up at School.”

But why do masculine men do not like to be told they are wrong?

paolo
Guest

cause they see their authoritativeness diminished…
An ego mechanic reaction (ego is an evolutive tool to manage power in the herd, present in all social species)

Super Janice
Guest
Super Janice

Just in case you’re interested – this belief may be mine.
If not, I must have picked it up at Home.

Tina Brown
Guest
Tina Brown

I will have to forego this advice. I used to employ bitch tactics and they may work for a while but they get old and are hard to keep up when you like someone a lot. It’s also not really who I am. i get more pleasure out of treating others kindly and considerately than treating them like they don’t matter or have low value to me. Being nice doesn’t mean a uninteresting, doormat, or that you lack options. Most people have a lot of options, but VERY few people have options they really want. Most people know this so… Read more »

WBOTB
Guest
WBOTB

What I’m reading here in conclusion is that superficial seems to be what is attractive. She does make some good points, but I can’t seem superficial people forming any kind of meaningful relationship. Girl goes on a few dates, she’s exciting and interesting to the guy, as soon as she expresses that she’s a caring human being, he loses interest. She becomes a pain in the ass, unwitty, needy, unexciting, awkward and a loser. Then because she expects adult communication from him instead of ignoring her, she is now seen as crazy and unattractive, no matter how hot she is.… Read more »

Vic
Guest
Vic

Wtf did I just read? Is this author serious, slap a man in public to attract him? Men don’t want selfish bitches. Men want feminine, nonjudgemental, approachable, confident, with high self-esteem, and assertive women. Not bitchy women. This article is insane. Which is more disrespectful, the bad pick-up line, or the slap to the face

Ok
Guest
Ok

The article and comments are stuck on two generalizations: selfish+exciting versus boring+nice. However to me these are all separate traits. For example, there are plenty of selfish AND boring people… look up what “basic b*tch” means. I generally regard most young urban women this way There are also very nice people who swear a lot and do active things (e.g. extreme sports), however they are far from selfish.

Vera Maria
Guest
Vera Maria

I agree to this. Agreeableness is btw a personality trait which you cannot change in yourself. Yet, you can still be a bitch. 😉

Lisa
Guest
Lisa

Great article. I realize at 52 hat being the nice girl was not the way to be. All my slutty friends are happily married with grandchildren on the way. Survival of the fittest while my lineage stops here. So listen up nice girls – before it is too late !

WBOTB
Guest
WBOTB

Really? You find this great? I have nothing against having a colorful sexual history and I agree with you that you don’t need to be a “good girl” to get wifed up, but to be superficial in order to keep a man? He really can’t be much of a good person then and you want a man who will love you when shot gets real in your life. Not go behind your back and chest because you’re going through some tough times.

Michelle
Guest
Michelle

I wish Renee would respond to the commenters who do not agree with her or are confused about the story rather than just chiming in to give kudos to those whose comments and/ or experiences support her perspective. WHY IS THE HOURGLASS COMPLIMENT OFFENSIVE? I have seen it asked here a couple times and after taking the time to read all of this I see it still has not been answered. My only motive for reading every last comment was the hope that Renee had responded somewhere with an explanation. Obviously I’m not alone. If he had said “nice ass”… Read more »

Lera
Guest

Lovely article and great incite. Probably the women felt uncomfortable when he complimented on her figure and she took it as an offense. Probably a lot of men harass her on her figure and she may have thought as him being one of those disrespectful men. Some women may take it as a compliment when a man flatters her on her figure but some women may not like it so much because it makes them feel uncomfortable. Probably she would of not took it so offensively if he told her that was “very pretty” instead. We have to be understanding… Read more »

Mikey K
Guest
Mikey K

I disagree with the introductory premise. I’d much prefer to be around a woman who is kind, considerate & nice–what you might call “boring”, than a selfish bitch. I’ve been around and dated my share of selfish bitches, and as far as I’m concerned they can all get on a boat and sail over the edge of the earth, never to be seen again by anyone. Truly kind people are relatively rare and kind (boring) women make for better relationships, better sex, and they make me a better person. Edginess, or whatever you want to call it, is not a… Read more »

arkady
Guest

Love #3, 4 and 5. With regard to number 3, we are being told all the time not to judge, but… why not? What’s wrong with judging something that you don’t like and admiring it? Being too positive all the time comes across as fake and unrealistic.

With regard to #5 – I am not sure if passion is something one can get, if they don’t have it in a first place, but if there is a way to do it, it surely is worth trying.

Elena
Guest
Elena

Lacking sense of humor is what makes people boring 🙂

web page
Guest

This is my first time go to see at here and i am actually impressed to read everthing at
alone place.

Anais
Guest
Anais

Actually no, I rather deal with a woman who is “too nice” which is your definition of “boring” than a “selfish bitch”. I value kindness and consideration of feelings in others a lot and in myself. And I can also say I honestly prefer men who are “too nice” to assholes if I have to choose the extremes.

Kira
Guest
Kira

Actually just today I was talking to an older gentleman who lives in my apt. complex and do you know what he taught me? I can now knot a slip knot and I know how to make a noose. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t plan on using it or anything and I find it very violent but it’s interesting. From him I also learned a lot about racism and all about the terrible things the people in his town did. He also told me about his experiences in the army and all the things that happened to him… Read more »

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Guest
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

What was the neat little trick? (just curious)

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