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Article updated 2018

Let’s try a thought experiment: Think of someone you trust 100%, and still trust. If you don’t trust anyone 100% right now, think of a moment in your past (perhaps as long ago as your early childhood), when you trusted someone fully. It could have been a fleeting moment, it could have been for quite some time. You will most likely have trusted at least one parent 100%, when you were a small child.

Question: about this person whom you trust 100% (or perhaps 98%, if you feel you cannot trust anyone fully). What if another person you respect, love or trust came up to you and started telling you everything that the person you trust 100% had done wrong, and gave you numerous pieces of evidence to prove that you absolutely could not trust this person at all?

Would that make you less certain about that person you trust 100%?

Would you call up that person you trust 100% and start questioning them? Would you feel sick to the guts from what you had heard about them? Would you be afraid?

(Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

Back to the person you trust 100%. If you were honest with yourself, could you find a plethora of reasons why you could not trust him or her? Even without somebody else throwing reasons in your face? I bet that you could also find many references to back up the conclusion that they can be trusted, as well if you wanted to.

In a world where virtually everyone has felt as though their trust has been betrayed; it can be hard to find certainty or trust in anyone at all, especially when you focus hard and frequently on it. Everything from what is reported on the news, to people telling bad stories, can cause us to see that nobody can ever be truly trusted. A lot of women also refuse to get in to a new relationship after they have been ‘burnt’ or lied to in a past relationship. And even if they do, when they get in to a new relationship, their lack of trust in men in general cripples the current relationship.

Granted, there are some men (and women) who have hurt, disappointed or  lied to their spouse or friend so much that the bad association becomes impossible to reverse; leaving little reason for the other person to ever want to trust again even though it may actually be very possible to trust that person again and rebuild the relationship.

What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…

The point is that whatever you focus on, you will find. Even if you feel you are with the most trustworthy man in the world, or best friends with the most trustworthy person on earth; I am certain that you could, if you wanted to, give me at least 5 reasons why you may not be able to trust them. It could be as simple as them forgetting to follow up on a trivial promise.

It could be your husband forgetting to feed the dog. It could be your man repeatedly doing something small you keep asking him not to do. It could be your best girlfriend telling a white lie to protect you. It could even be that your man made a careless joke about you regarding something very personal to you – but he didn’t even think twice about it. (read my article about how to overcome jealousy)

Do these things alone render somebody untrustworthy? Why then! No human being is trustworthy.

There are always millions of reasons why you should or should not trust anyone. Especially a man, because women and men are inherently different, and what you consider trustworthy behavior as a woman may not always be to him.

But here’s the truth: trusting is a choice. It’s something you have to commit to, even when you feel so uncertain that you feel crippled. Even when your current man does something that reminds you of your ‘crappy’ ex boyfriend. This is not to say that you should ignore obvious warning signals that something is not right, or put up with bad treatment. There has to be a balance.

Considering you can never ever truly control anybody, especially your man – the best you have is influence – you must ask yourself: Do I value a beautiful and passionate relationship more than I do my own desperation for certainty?

Many of us also fear regret. ‘If I trust him and he lies to me….then….? Would I have wasted my time?’

Do you want to know what make a man pull away? What attracts a man to a woman? Click here to learn about the 17 Attraction Triggers.

By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!

One final question for you (yes, you!):

Do you think it’s better to die giving all you have; and to die risking opening yourself to the one you love; than to live your life in distrust? Which is worth more? You must choose one… 🙂

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sofia
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sofia

I really appreciate Renee for this post i learn t something new . I didn’t know that trust is a personal choice e.t.c

Elder1
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Elder1

I am a man. I was abused as a child. When I left home at sixteen I made three vows to myself. #1 was to never hurt another person. #2 was to never tell a lie. The third was to always keep my promises. I have kept those vows and I am now 66. I was married for 45 years until my former wife suddenly developed a medical problem, most likely a silent stroke. All her memories turned upside down. What used to be good all turned bad in her false memories. She has divorced me now. It isn’t possible… Read more »

Cat X Robles
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Cat X Robles

I am quick to forgive even when my trust has been broken. I forgive easily because it makes me feel better, but that doesn’t mean the trust is back. In most cases, it never returns.

Jojo
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Jojo

It’s very obvious when you trust someone fully. That doubt isn’t there. And even if it is due to past feelings or whatever it tends to fade around the person instead of grow. Never ignored your intuition. Don’t think oh I have trust issues, I’m just being paranoid etc. Too many men are messed up on some level. There’s is way too much abuse and manipulation happening. And yes ofcourse women so it to. But the reality both men and women suffer more at the hands of men. Women are more likely to be killed by men then the other… Read more »

sofia
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sofia

thanks for sharing

Jessica Wade
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Jessica Wade

Trust has to be earned. Once it’s broken, It’s hard to get it back or you may never get it back. I’ve lost my trust in females as friends because of betrayal and lies. To this day, I refuse to have female friends.

IsabellaLinton
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IsabellaLinton

Beware of being too trusting. Men who have abused women will tell you heartbreaking stories about how the woman victimized them, and it wasn’t his fault, and his mates will back him up. And if you’re in love you will trust him. Until he starts to abuse you. Never ignore a red flag. Never. has he got a lovely story about how he was “forced” to do it? Do not trust him. Violence – including verbal violence – over-rules trust. Needless to say this also applies to women with a history of violence (but women are 6x more likely to… Read more »

antipodes
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which one do i prefer? they both fucking suck. the opening yourself up only sounds good right now because it hasnt been tried. theres the magic maybe, maybe it will work. but theres a reason why you worry about trusting people. and when you try it, you will remember.

Hollykins
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Hollykins

Ohhh!! great article x X x I’m so glad that you highlighted the word – tustable man – in one of your other articles as it allowed me to find this beautiliscous post. I haven’t read it before, and noticed it was wrote in 2010, which is before I discovered the feminine woman blog. Funnily enough, I was just reading a post from the rules revisited, and the aurther was talking about women doubting their feminine emotions and a man putting her down for it! So I can really connect with what I’ve read here, and the other post as… Read more »

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“Trust is a choice”. A profound secret most would benefit by knowing!

I realised that in my relationship, when arguments start to happen more often, it’s usually preceded by a breakdown of trust. It used to feel to me that lack of trust came out of the blue, but it’s actually a conscious choice we make. If we choose to trust our partner, we can build a stronger relationship.

If anything feels disconnected or if your relationship is getting harder for you, I would check the trust area. Is it running low?

prettydamfine
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prettydamfine

the way i feel about the bullshit is if i get my feelings hurt i will kill and destroy Wat i though i had so i gotta be safe and keep my heart too a level and if there’s a problem with him not being about too trust me i will do every thing i can too show the man im with i care love and all of the above too him its just that no know feels the same when i will young i didn’t never have these feelings they hurt and bad i feel as if i should… Read more »

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Yes, trust is a choice. A bad choice

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