The Most Valuable Thing a Woman can Give to a Man

Have you ever asked yourself…’What do men want in a relationship?’ or ‘how can a woman add value to a man’s life?’

With men being such independent creatures, a lot of women ask me…what makes a woman high value so that she can have almost any man commit to her?

I have an answer I’d love to share with you.

I can remember the handful of times I came to the realisation that I had been a taker and not a giver in my relationship with my husband.

Although painful and humbling, it’s an experience like no other. Because it’s exhilarating. It’s freeing.

But before I felt exhilarated, I felt lonely as hell in that realisation.

It’s lonely to realise you take more emotional resources than you give. Even if your husband is supportive of you and loves you despite your lack of attention to your own low value behaviours.

And it’s lonely to realise that most of the process of changing yourself is indeed done alone.

Most Valuable Thing a Woman can Give to a Man

How To Add Value To A Man’s Life: Remember This First

Remember that you can’t depend on others to be resourceful for you, or to change you.

…And you can’t depend on a man to change first.

This is what most average people do! Instead of taking some responsibility, they point the finger. I advise against that for one main reason:

Life is hard when you take the easy path, and life is EASY when you take the hard path.

Meaning, take the high road! You eventually find real rewards in that. This is about long term thinking. You may be uncomfortable now, and you may find it challenging in the short-term, but long-term, it is you who reaps the benefits.

So I understand if you’ve ever wanted someone else to change before you change, (which is every one of us at some point).

Sometimes you just feel safer not making a decision. Because you want company. And we’re built to have and seek company.

So what is it that you have to offer a man, as a woman?

If you want to know what value a woman can bring to a man, it is this:

The most valuable thing you can give a man in a relationship is emotional resources.

That’s one large part of knowing how to add value to a man’s life.

You know I teach a lot about about being a high value woman, and that’s pretty much the crux of what I’ve been teaching since 2009.

Arguably, the three areas of value (what I teach) are what make you a high value woman to men.

On top of that, there’s one important thing that you can add to a man’s life in a relationship.

But before we get into this one important thing, if you’d like to know the 3 things that make you a high value woman to men (as well as 3 traits you should avoid), read my article on that here.

I also have an article on the How To Make Him Chase You And Value You [High Value Women Secrets].

What Can A Woman Offer To A Man?

Aside from the 3 areas of value, the thing that a woman can offer a man is emotional resourcefulness within herself.

This is essentially what allows you to show up high value to men. When we’re high value, getting commitment isn’t a problem.

When we’re low value, we become takers. What do we take? We take emotional resources.

Don’t get me wrong here, you cannot avoid taking value from a man at some point. That’s normal.

But there are plenty of women who are too unbalanced in the opposite direction.

In other words, they take far more value than they give, and so they become low value in the eyes of men, all the while they’re risking repelling men!

So, knowing that there are a lot of takers out there in the world, and knowing that most women are never satisfied with what their man gives them, there’s one thing you need to remember.

If you can be emotionally resourceful, then you will almost always find ways to be a joy to a man.

Not only that, you’ll always find a way to be a woman of value to MEN.

There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?

CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.) 

There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. CLICK HERE to find out what they are.

But What Does Giving Emotional Resources Really Mean?

It means a lot of things.

First off, it starts with not acting from a place of fear, and not acting from a place of feeling blamed.

Because when you feel blamed, you’re reacting, you’re being defensive rather than resourceful.

When you’re feeling blamed, you can’t see what there is to appreciate in a man, or in an argument.

When acting from that un-resourceful place, we tend to be malevolent towards the person we’re in a relationship with.

Haven’t you felt the annoyance related to this before too?

Have you been on the receiving end of some defensive and unnecessarily triggered person feeling blamed and making you pay for it when you weren’t intending to blame them?

You know, the people who get angry randomly and try to take emotional resources from you (women often do this passive aggressively)?

Even when you had innocent intentions?

We’ve all been on the receiving end of bad treatment from the person who felt defensive and blamed when you were trying to make yourself more transparent and understood to them.

learn the dark feminine art of High Value Banter here.

Acting Out When You Feel Blamed Takes Resources From A Man

If you are in a relationship, and conflict arises…

Try to see if you feel like becoming defensive. If you do, then it could be that you feel blamed, shamed, humiliated, or threatened.

It could be that you’re afraid to admit that you fear abandonment. (Test yourself to see if you have abandonment issues here.)

In reality, if a man is communicating to you, it matters, and you matter to him.

The fact that he is communicating to you is a sign they are coming to you, perhaps they’re willing to trust you – and you guys can connect deeper together again in the future.

But if we react to every communication as though it threatens our life – we are essentially taking resources and making it about ourselves.

Just because a man asks us to do something differently – we find that threatening and we are too emotionally lazy to change ourselves. We’d rather make somebody else change.

In this case, apparently the problem is men and they should be the ones to change.

We want to make others go out in the cold and change themselves first because we are not courageous enough to ‘go first’.

Well I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be that person. Why be a small person, when you have the option and the choice, of being a big person?

(Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…)

What Value Can A Woman Add In A Relationship? Start With THIS

Start with being a big person.

Don’t Live SMALL.

This goes hand in hand with being emotionally resourceful, and taking responsibility for yourself and your life.

Why leave the world being less than you can be?

There’s really nothing else to do.

Every goal we achieve fades. So the only thing that has real value to us in the end, is WHO WE BECOME.

What makes you a small person?

Acting from fear when nothing is actually threatening you. What makes you a small person also, is feeling blamed rather than giving our understanding or no-strings-attached presence.

It’s also the act of looking for retribution and being endlessly triggered instead of reaching beyond ourselves to try to understand a man.

DISCLAIMER: There’s Nothing Wrong With Feeling Blamed

No feelings are wrong.

It’s our choices that we make because of those feeling that can make or break our relationships though.

We have the choice to watch our feeling as they come up, and give them space rather than trying to reduce them by attacking him or extracting resources from him.

It’s the willingness to be careless enough to ACT from that place of feeling blamed that is damaging.

We all hurt others and take value at times, but when we act from feeling blamed, we essentially kill the other person emotionally. Because wallowing in feeling blamed seems to be, from my experience, a fight or flight response.

It’s the fight or flight attack response because we feel angry that someone else is trying to take resources from us. This is where we need to have our own emotional bank to draw from.

Have you ever wondered how to read a man’s mind? And understand what it really is that excites him inside of your relationship? We have all the answers inside of our most popular program, Understanding Men.

(The promise of this course is for you discover the secrets of the masculine perspective so that you can get through to any man, connect with him heart to heart, and inspire his deepest loyalty and commitment.)

Be A Woman Of Value To Men: Cultivate Your Own Emotional Bank

What is an emotional bank?

It’s having our own emotional resources with which to pull from. When we focus on connecting and creating more connection, we are emotionally resourceful.

When we focus on what we can take and when we act from fear, we are un-resourceful.

Also, when we lack emotional resources, we tend to push people away (and actually value perpetuating distance between ourselves and others).

So what does have a fully stacked emotional bank look like?

In practice, it looks like actions taken to enrich your relationship and add value to a man, as opposed to draining the relationship of resources.

Like this:

It’s focusing on what you can do to grow connection in the relationship, rather than perpetuating disconnection.

For example:

Instead of reacting during a conflict, and especially when we feel blamed – we breathe and feel his heart instead.

To cultivate emotional resources, we must give when we don’t want to.

CLICK here to discover the one thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! (Why is this important? Because the feminine art of capturing masculine attention in a high value way is a skill that no woman can live without.)

Examples Of How You Can Add Value To A Man’s Life:

  • Instead of judging, we try to appreciate.
  • Instead of hating, we try to understand.
  • Instead of retreating, we attune to him.
  • Instead of indulging in criticism of him, we give to him first.
  • Instead of demanding that he raise his standards, we raise our own first.

It’s the act of creating something where there’s nothing.

Just because.

See, THAT is something that nobody can take from you!

THAT is being classy in action.

As soon as we act from a fight or flight state with somebody who doesn’t warrant that response from us, we are taking resources from them in some way.

Now, most of us in the world lack emotional resources.

Sometimes it comes down to the way we were parented.

It could also be due to the fact that we also don’t live in close-knit tribes anymore. So such antisocial behaviour doesn’t have dire consequences and regulations by our tribe members…

I mean, we go home to ourselves at night (a large number of us), and we go home to the same old family and rarely do we seek honest feedback from others about what our actions look like to them, or ask them how our actions make them feel.

Nowadays, we have to cultivate our courage to do that. It doesn’t just come because we’re part of a larger tribe of 50-100 people or more.

Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with my specially crafted 8 Question Quiz!

It’s About How Much You Can ACT From An Emotionally Resourceful Place

So I’m here to tell you that the best thing we can give, and the thing we can be most proud of, is how much emotional resources we can give.

Do you know what’s so great about surrendering to doing this?

To be able to do this, you may have to relax in to the fear, the uncertainty and the loneliness of the journey of changing.

(Because change IS mostly something we choose to do by ourselves, nobody can make that decision for us).

The great thing about surrendering to the pain we need to surrender to in order to BE emotionally resourceful, is that it’s euphoric, because it’s change that we created by ourselves!

Our biochemistry changes as we are willing to surrender to our bodily and emotional alterations. When we move through the discomfort of old patterns, we get the gift of self esteem and innate joy, because we learned how to add value (giving to others instead of expecting them to give to us).

…Each time we reach the other side of emotional discomfort, each time we create something out of nothing (a moment, a new connection, more playfulness), we get a reward.

It’s the reward of the feeling of novelty, success, and euphoria. Because we earned it.

And the best thing that awaits us?


Actual connection. Deeper levels of connection as well as multiple layers of connection.

Isn’t that what relationship is all about?

What About A Man Who Wants To Keep Taking From Me?

Now, you may be wondering whether all this is actually worth it with a man. I don’t blame you!

You should not blindly try to do good all the time for the sake of it.

You don’t want to get stuck in an abusive or low value relationship, all the while your resentment is stacking up and your mental health is taking a hit.

So how can you test whether a man is worth you adding value to his life or not?

Here’s how to test a man to see if he cares.

And here’s an article that will tell you whether he’s genuine about having a relationship with you: 6 Burning Signs He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You.

As for the men who constantly do want to take from you – when you have enough emotional resources to be fully present with them, you’ll naturally sense them out soon enough and you’ll make healthier decisions about who to spend your time with.

It’s our habitual laziness of NOT being present with a man, of not attuning to him, that sometimes gets us in to casual relationships when the man doesn’t care and tries to use us.

If You’re Still HERE, You’re A Success

Remember that if you are here, then you are already worthy.

And if you’ve read this far, you’ve already earned a bit of success today!

But also remember that being worthy and adding value are separate things.

In order to actually ADD value, we must feel worthy inside. We must harbour emotional resources, so that we can give to a man.

So always give to yourself first by reminding yourself that you are already worthy, otherwise you wouldn’t even be here.

(Click here to download your copy of the “Goddess Report”)

Even if you’ve been hurt over and over again by the people who were supposed to love you, the cure (in the real world) is not to make others change.

The cure is to give first.

It is to have the courage to keep attuning ourselves to a man and seeing what he truly perceives value in.

With this sense of attunement you will always have emotional resources to draw from, because you’ll know deep down inside that you are feeling beyond yourself and into him.

In this place, you’ll never have trouble building emotional connection and emotional attraction with a man, for as long as you live.

Because no matter how unworthy we feel, we have to be aware that if we consistently act from that place of feeling unworthy – then we can never connect!

Instead our actions comes out with an underlying attitude of something like this…

‘I won’t give you the gift of intimacy with me until I feel attractive enough. Strong enough. Smart enough. Sexy enough. Un-threatened enough.’

So, why wait until you feel worthy enough to reach out beyond yourself, when you can do it right now?

You don’t need anybody’s permission but your own!

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think of this article below. I’d love to hear from you!

Also, if you haven’t checked out the list of our programs yet, click here to check them out.

(By the way, I’ve just published my brand new program titled “Becoming His One & Only!”…Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)


P.S. If you liked this article, CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.

If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.

By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.

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Dear author, I did not understand this one bit.
Can’t you at least try to be more specific? This is not helpful at all. It’s so generic and unspecified allowing me to project it onto anything in my life, that I may as well be reading horoscopes.


Renee, I want to thank you for your website and blogs. I find your writing most enlightening and helpful. This particular piece is wonderful. I agree we should be giving back resources and not using them up and taking them from others in ways that are not healthy. I am to a point that I want to act from a place of health and vitality at all times. I don’t have to get in a knot over something trivial because of who I AM. My value and worth doesn’t change according to what is going on in my life or… Read more »


Because no matter how unworthy we feel, we have to be aware that if we consistently act from that place of feeling unworthy – and that act comes out of a place of NOT wanting to share and connect….and instead it comes out as – ‘I won’t give you the gift of intimacy with me until I feel attractive enough. Strong enough. Smart enough. Sexy enough. Un-threatened enough.’ I unfortunately do this. With breaking the loop how does one feel safe and desiring to connect? The few times I’ve felt safe enough to feel feelings of wanting to connect the… Read more »


Hi Renee, I feel sick and terrified and need your advice so desperately. I am saving up for commitment control but need to wait another few months. I am in danger of losing my soulmate. Please help… I feel as though he is no longer attracted to me enough. I keep myself looking as I did when we met ten years ago, we still have a lot of sex, and we have a very good connection, but I am hurt by him looking at other women on the internet (as I understand every man does) and he rarely compliments my… Read more »

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Reply to  Ruth

Hello Ruth, any update? What happened?

Reply to  Ruth

Everybody looks at other people. If he’s with you for 10 years it’s because he loves you. Stop acting jealous right away before he gets fed up. He probably takes it as you don’t trust him because he is looking.


Hi Renee u write sooooo well…Your clarity of thoughts is amazing…its for the first time I m posting a comment here…but I never miss any of your articles..I wish u a Blissful life ahead and may you keep writing more and more and helping gals in their relationships in the years to come…!!!! You deserve the blessings of all those people across the world whom you have helped through your wonderful writing :):)


Hi Renee u write sooooo well…Your clarity of thoughts is amazing…its for the first time I m posting a comment here…but I never miss any of your articles..I wish u a Blissful life ahead and may you keep writing more and more and helping gals in their relationships in the years to come…!!!! You deserve the blessings of all whom you have helped


Hi Renee..OMG this article almost brought me to tears. almost. im still trying to change and i feel lonely doing so. i cant right the wrongs ive made yet not being able to haunts me every second of each day. i dont know if u know what an impact u have had on my life. u inspired be to start my own website from the 1st few years that i started reading u and ive started now.Its: I actually mention u on my ‘information on websites page’ ; this is what i said about you: – Introduction to how… Read more »

Reply to  Renee Wade

Hi gals,

I’m so relief that many woman including you renne also feels the loneliness in the process.
sometimes there are times I want to react and tell all the words I can tell to my man of him cancleing our date, or any of his action which makes me feel unloved.
but when I take time, I realize I actually understand his situation & his reason.

Two tumbs up for you renne & all women in the same class in process 😉



Hi Renee ♡. I can really relate to this article. There isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do to be open to finding out what messages I put out in life and how do I connect to others. My mum has always said that everything in life is a manifestation to whats happening internally and that people are always a mirror to who we are. I believe and feel this to be so true. Since deciding to REALLY and GENUINELY connect to life and real people, I feel that it’s changed my perception for life! It’s been hard and uncomfortable to… Read more »


Hi, Renee! Thank you for another great article. I always look forward to your words, they give me some peace of mind in troubled times and this article hits jackpot once again. 🙂


i think a man feels safe with his woman when we dont question his strength and courage to rake care of us(women). In this sense i mean believing in him even when we arent sure if he will be able to take us to the promised land that we want to go and be. I personally am having this problem with my man , i dont trust him, i dont think he can give me the kind of vision i want moreso now that i have more money than him yet he is older than me, i keep wondering ,… Read more »

Reply to  Renee Wade

Renee, I would appreciate if you could possibly answer this question publicly? It sounds almost exactly what I am going through. My man and I have been together 3 years, and we have a beautiful 1-1/2 year old son…but he has never had a job, I am a teacher, and I have supported all of us (barely..and going into debt myself) this whole time. We aren’t married, he says he can’t propose because I don’t trust him. We just got into a huge blow out tonight because I wanted to pick up extra work to help put some money aside… Read more »

Reply to  J

He won’t get a job and help out because you are doing all the work. Why should he? Another woman would not put up with this. This man is going to be a role model for your son? It’s amazing that men like this don’t feel embarrassed.

Anna C
Anna C
Reply to  norah

Hey Norah, so…. I can say I’ve been on both sides of this coin, but usually, I am on the ambitious side. But there was a time where I didn’t have any ambition to move forward, get more money, etc. I didn’t have any vision. But I knew I wanted to be with my man. Luckily for us women, men with masculine energy don’t really care if we are not driven to make money, but they DO care if they are not. I can see how that will lead to a lot of trust issues on your part: “Will he… Read more »


I like this article, as well as most of your work. So thank you! I also sometimes get a little frustrated. Here, you talk about being emotionally resourceful as a gift to men. You say, but first I want to say it’s not about blaming anyone. Then you go on to talk at length about blame and loving ourselves first and coming from a place of worthiness. All of this has value, please don’t misunderstand me. However, I feel like the original statement of the article got lost. Are you saying the way to be resourceful to your man is… Read more »


Dear Renee or even the men who can answer this,

How does a man feel safe with his woman? What words and actions build up to that feeling of safety and trust in a woman?

John Wilder
John Wilder

Hey Renee Kudos on a very well written blog post. Coming from a man’s point of view and after having talked to hundreds of men, I make the following observation in support of your post. Men are angry because women in their lives don’t make it safe for men to tell them the truth. This is especially true if that truth can in any way be construed as a critique of the woman. Women typically react defensively; yelling, crying, name calling, giving him the “silent treatment” withholding sex etc. The goal of course is to teach that “no good man”… Read more »

Reply to  John Wilder

Hi John, great, great response post to Renee’s fantastic blog article! To answer your final question, did I ever bother to think about what ‘happily ever after’ looked liked for the man? No. And that was shameful of me! For YEARS I planned lives with men without their input or consent. I placed them in my little fantasies laden with expectations and no room for acceptance of who they were and were growing as a person. I truly asked for forgiveness to God for such self-serving behavior. I believe that with blogs like this one, my own deep soul inner… Read more »

Reply to  Renee Wade

Renee, I just can’t thank you enough for this website. It is sent by heaven. I really enjoyed attraction control and look forward to the high value woman programme. I think I googled “how to become mysterious woman” and your site came up. I started reading some of those earlier articles and it’s been an up and down, great and sad AMAZING personal growth experience. Thank you for sharing what you learned and a MUCH needed feminine perspective on love, life and relationships.

Reply to  John Wilder

How does a man feel safe with his woman? What words and actions build up to that feeling of safety and trust in a woman?

Anna C
Anna C

Hey Renee. Great to read this article. Reminds me of a recent personal story when my man & I were feeling disconnected, and he called me spoiled. Well I reacted defensively, and I hate how I felt doing it. I could name 1,000 reasons why he is more spoiled than I am. Turns out, this came from the belief taught to him by his grandma that “all only children are spoiled.” I’m an only child. So, I learned something about him. And, I used the vulnerability technique when I revealed to him that it really hurts me when he says… Read more »

Anna C
Anna C
Reply to  Anna C

A bit more personal story to add – when you said “Even if your husband is supportive of you & loves you despite your lack of attention to how much you tried to take from him” – it reminded me of one of my friends. She would always complain and have a “woe is me” attitude, and her husband would feed her these positive responses like “You’re the best baby, you don’t need them” or “you deserve better, it’s not your fault.” And if I ever did that to MY man, he would say “buck up, be stronger, don’t be… Read more »


Very confusing article…the most valuable gift a woman can give to a man is to put her heart first to love herself first, when her self-love is abundant then she can give her abundant love to other people around her…you never lose by giving love, by loving, but it has to be the right person, that is the most critical context here…

Anna C
Anna C
Reply to  Elena

Hey Elena. It seems like a lot of people are confused by this article and I can see why… when Renee says “emotional resources” it might trigger thoughts of something akin to giving love or energy or something Louise Hay or John Gray (Men are from Mars) would talk about. In that case, I can see how you can say a woman’s self love needs to be abundant before she can give freely. I think Renee’s point though is a bit different. It seems like she is telling us that we GIVE VALUE when we don’t react emotionally to a… Read more »

Christina Mckinney
Christina Mckinney
Reply to  Renee Wade

I want women to know that men do this, too. I’ve been in a 25 year marriage with a man who does this exactly. So, consequently I have lived a lie, just as the gentleman said in another post. I couldn’t “tell the truth from my perspective” without him getting defensive or deflecting blame onto me. Defend and deflect…that seems to be the modus operendi of these types of individuals. I could feel by the third week of married life that there was no intimacy that would taking place here, I just wasn’t mature enough at 25 to know how… Read more »


Renee, Ive been reading your blog for a few months now, along with David Deida, Eckhart Tolle, Rori Raye and I had to comment. Your work is so inspiring. In a world that is so me-me -me, with a culture so saturated in ego, I feel like you are a light to me. I think as a culture we have tried so hard to strive for equality that even some of the most beautiful differences of femininity and masculinity have been warped and shrouded in confusion. Loving other people is NEVER going to do you harm. Pure love of others… Read more »

Christina Mckinney
Christina Mckinney
Reply to  Sara

Dear Sarah,
So inspiring!


What I get the most from here is The Change. The concept itself makes me tremble. Yes, it recalls me of the loneliness, the scary feelings – Renee says it true. The change must be made from us and carried out by us, no one can help and no one can live it instead of ourselves. It takes a alot of efforts and courages to look into ourselves, to peel off the layers we insisted holding onto which actually we know, they don’t work. At the early time, it feel like deeply painful. This post actually reminds me of that… Read more »

Pamela DeNeuve
Pamela DeNeuve

Thank you Renee, Thank you for another provocative post. There were a few points that jumped out at me. The first is blame. It is difficult for me at times to abstain from blame, but it is so empowering when I do. Blame causes me to fixate on what they did or even what I did. That is beside the point. The point is, what are my emotional resources in this situation and am I going to use them instead of using blame as a crutch. When I blame I do not have to take responsibility for my own behavior… Read more »


I get it. I think its important to be present with the feeling of being blamed. To feel it. Not avoid it by taking it out on the other person. Because the other person’s actual intent is to talk about it and be resourceful. Some women may be confused about it but its only about removing another mask we put on. Feeling blamed and just feeling it, because its an actual emotion we have, we have to understand that. The attack by taking another’s resources is only covering that. Oh, I remember so well, when I was a child I… Read more »


Hi Renee, I feel lucky to have found you, not many people would say this sort of thing. Sadly I can relate to what you are saying… ‘if we react to every communication as though it threatens our life – we are essentially taking resources and making it about us.’ I tend to react this way if my flatmate asks me to change something, I automatically feel as if he’s trying to tell me what to do. I couldn’t work out why he’d then call me selfish, this is enlightening! He often shouts at me, I realise it’s because I… Read more »

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