Our intention to stay connected to a man in an argument is worth gold.
Our intention to hold on to resentment and the need to be right in an argument is worth nothing.
Anyone of us can live our lives from the place of needing to be right. And many of us do.
It is a terribly mediocre existence, though, because it is never ending. So the pattern of needing to be right will continue as long as you exhaust yourself trying to be right.
It is a doomed cycle and it is the path you need to take if you prefer to show up as a low value partner.
Now to communicating with an angry man.
If he is severely abusive, and you are in enough pain from it, then you need to get out of there and be alone for a while to reflect on the patterns that you both run that causes the severe abuse between you two.
If however, your man is an otherwise good human being, but he has a pattern of getting angry easily, then it is fixable for you.
You are a woman, and that means you have a lot of value to add to his life by nature. It is just getting back to that real nature of yourself that can be scary and risky.
Why Are Men So Angry?
Why are men so angry?
To no fault of their own, and to no fault of women, men get angry at women because they perceive what is happening in the relationship to be a threat to their need for (the feeling of) freedom.
And freedom doesn’t mean going out with his mates without you hassling him. That may be one aspect of it, but that’s a very superficial gift of freedom we can give if we want to.
The really valuable gifts of freedom run a lot deeper than that.
As you may already know, the masculine energy in all of us seeks freedom.
Men who are masculine inside seek it a lot; not when they are in their feminine; but moreso when they are in their masculine.
The best men from a woman’s perspective are the men who know that they already ARE freedom, and don’t need to ‘seek’ it out, constantly.
The reason we like men to exist as freedom rather than act like everything feels like a constraint to him is because it doesn’t take Einstein to know that once you think you’ve gained freedom, something happens…
Life happens, and the perceived freedom is taken away. The freedom that needs to be sought out all the time is short lived. For example…
A man finally has an opportunity to feel empty, and the kids come asking for him to play.
He finally feels empty and free, and his woman gets upset because he’s not hanging out with her.
He finally feels empty, and his mother needs help with something.
He finally has no-one asking for his attention, and the boss goes on acting like a d*ck.
So the only real thing to do is BE freedom, and live as untouchable freedom. For a man.
(What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…)
What You Must Choose To Understand About Men To Communicate Well With Them…
Again, the heart of men’s anger is that they feel trapped somehow. So we need to look for what might be trapping him if we care about him.
If we don’t care, that’s fine, but if you are a caring type of woman, then you could try to read further.
A bad quality relationship with a low value woman, for men, is often felt as a responsibility or a burden.
This is simply because he doesn’t perceive a lot of value in his investment.
See, in their masculine energy state, men want perfect freedom from ‘stuff’ and things happening. Obviously, the more stress a man has in his life, the more likely he really needs to experience freedom.
Masculine men want emptiness and focus, or to feel the emotions of freedom – for example, watching a football game (*rolling my eyes playfully*).
Women Inspire Men To Get More Attached To Them, Or…
…Or they don’t!
Essentially, we as women inspire and invite men in for longer and for a lifetime – or we don’t.
In fact, the same goes for inspiring him to propose to you and get married. You invite him in and inspire it from him, or you don’t.
Women are the reason men ever are even attracted to the idea of being in a deep, committed relationship.
It is a woman’s inherent high value from a man’s perspective.
The higher our value from a man’s view, the more likely she will attract a man who wants to devote himself to her and the relationship.
This is the value that you have already within you. It’s just whether you choose to use it or not.
Feminine women seek perfect love. So that means lots of attention, praise, reassurance, and communication.
And more praise, reassurance and communication. Sounds a bit needy doesn’t it? If it does, you’re on the way to understanding things from a man’s perspective.
(That doesn’t being that being needy is wrong. But just hold that idea in your mind for a moment as we continue to explore things from the masculine perspective.)
See, neediness is an interesting thing. It’s not the fact that we women have needs that makes us needy!
It’s the way we express our needs, and it’s the way we go about getting those needs met.
Essentially, it’s not needy if we ask for these things in a way that adds value, which is very easy to do. Find out more about doing that in my article on how to be vulnerable with a man (without being NEEDY).
SECRETS REVEALED… Discover how you too can use this little known “Dark Feminine Art” to weed out the toxic men whilst cultivating real emotional attraction with high value high esteemed men. (CLICK HERE to enrol in this free class before it’s gone.)
So If They Are So Angry About The Loss Of Freedom, Why Are They With Us?
Usually, if a man chooses to stay with you, it could be because your energy is right for him, or because the value of being with you outweighs the costs to his freedom.
Maybe because being with the right woman gives him life.
But none of this means he is always going to find us a wonderful thing to have around. Some of the time, he may feel like we are frustrating, crazy, or unfathomable.
It’s actually not about you….
He might even love you, but the general feeling is that women from men is that women need a lot of attention.
And men don’t always have that much attention to give us. Most of them don’t even understand after 50 years of marriage, that their wife actually values his undivided attention.
That’s how clueless they can be. And of course, that also shows how much women aren’t willing to communicate directly.
We tend to communicate indirectly instead, doing all sorts of odd things to try to command a man’s attention. This indirect communication makes sense to us women, but not so much to him as a man!
What can we do to get closer to a man even when he is angry and fighting?
Steps To Get Closer To A Man: Have Him Want To Be With You More And More.
Step #1 Just Breathe Into Your Pelvis Deeply, And Relax Into Your Body.
In this place, you are out of your anxiety and out of your head, (which a lot of the time, is useless for connecting with a man).
It’s useful for intelligent conversations, but not for connecting with a man.
Remember that our skill and desire to connect with a man is high value in today’s world.
Your skill and desire to actually connect brings inherent risks because you’re surrendering to deeper involvement with him. You’re surrendering to something uncertain within your own body, and although it feels risky for you, it’s what is going to get you actual commitment.
It’s women who are unable to surrender and connect emotionally with men who tend to end up in relationships that go nowhere.
Commitment doesn’t happen unless we surrender to truly connecting, and commit to noticing our real fears of connecting.
Often, these real fears of connecting are also a product of us having unresolved abandonment issues as adults.
Especially as women. We fear abandonment deeply, because we have to bear, feed and raise children. Whereas for men, that role of raising a child can sometimes just feel like an ‘option’, not a visceral responsibility.
So, TRY to get the feeling in your gut and body that you want to connect with HIM. Meet him where he is at. Feel him as a person, as a soul.
So that means, realizing that when we feel like using him as a scratching post, a sound-board, or an easy target for blame, we must stop and choose connection.
CONNECTION, not comfort. And release from your fears of connecting with him. Make that choice. You’ll be very courageous for doing so.
CLICK HERE to discover the ONE PHRASE you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! (Works like magic in a high vale non-needy way!)
Step #2: Respect His Anger. Give His Anger As Much Respect As You Do Your Own.
His anger is often just as real as yours. It may not always be valid, and he may not always so called have a ‘right’ to be angry with you, but it is still his feeling. And I believe feelings deserve space and respect.
Give him space to be angry. Ask him why he is angry. If he says ‘why do YOU care?!’ or ‘You don’t want to know!’ or ‘I don’t trust you’, stick to your willingness to give him space for his anger.
Whilst you somehow try to stay present and listen (it’s very hard, but the pride and confidence we feel for doing it afterwards is worth far more).
I know you want to be understood too. You will have your time.
If you are so angry and hurt that you find you can’t be present with his feelings – you won’t be the first woman. You’re not alone.
In many relationships, the woman’s feelings naturally take precedence, because we can be so over-powering with our emotions.
We are very good at making things about how we feel. Perhaps because we are naturally more vulnerable than men. (Being the weaker sex and all, and the sex that carries the child.)
But how can you ever have your man want to try to understand you unless you try to breathe and relax in to giving him space to be listened to first some of the time?
Or what if you don’t lead the way and be a living example, first?
People are the average of the 5 people they spend the most time with…so be the encouragement of gentle understanding through your own example.
So if you are compassionate, loving, and courageous, he will learn to trust you.
And over time, he will approach you in a more relaxed way too, because that’s what people do for us when we give them so much – they want to reciprocate!
When we have that much understanding and respect for the world they live in, they will want to give back to us, naturally.
(Unless they are the rare person who is far too selfish or toxic to listen to us. But most people will naturally feel a sense of reciprocity.)
Step #3: Trust Courage, Not Defensiveness When He Tells You What He’s Angry About.
It’s about meeting him on his level.
Say something like…
‘Yeah, I’d feel that way too, if I was you.’
It is potentially utter freedom, to have a woman willing to put herself in your position, as a man.
Step #4: If It All Turns To Sh*t, You Have Done A Good Job Today.
You always do a good job, because your intentions are pure and you don’t intend to hurt anyone.
It’s ok if the argument escalates, and you both get caught up in your lizard brain reactions and nobody is feeling loved and understood by anybody.
Because you now have what it takes to change that at the next appropriate time.
You are doing okay. It’s okay to forgive yourself. It is not your fault.
The fact that you care about your man (or just generally are conscientious enough to care) about your relationship is enough.
By the way, our program Understanding Men gives you a comprehensive answer to many of your questions about men.
(Also, I’ve just published my brand new program titled “Becoming His One & Only!”…Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)
What has it been like for you, dealing with an angry man? Share your experience with me below this article.
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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