How do you “tell a man” that you want marriage? If you want to learn how to get him to propose in a high value way, you’ve come to the right place.
In this article, I will show you exactly how you can get him to propose to you, using nothing but the authenticity that already resides within you as a feminine soul.
I got Mia’s problem in my mail box recently:
“We have been dating for 3 years, the majority of which were spent long distance.
I recently relocated to be with him, and I want him to propose.
He seems to be more focused on buying a home for us than a ring. I’m confused because I have told him that one of my goals is to be settled into a home with a family of my own.
Part of me thinks this is his way of setting everything up “perfectly” before we get married, but I’m not certain.
I’m not sure how to bring this up because I don’t want to pressure him. If I did, I’ll never feel right about the engagement and marriage because I’ll wonder if he only did it to pacify me.
I love him, and am very happy being with him. I do not regret moving, and we’ve discussed marriage. He knows that I want to marry him, but I’m beginning to feel impatient.”
get him to propose: don’t see it as a fight to get there
************ MY ANSWER ************
Your man will only propose marriage in order to pacify you if you try to force him in to marrying you. Or if you bring up marriage as if it will be a fight to get it on your behalf in the first place.
What if you could have him not do it to ‘pacify’ you and have him do it because he genuinely worshipped you? What if you could communicate to him in the perfect way?
The perfect way so that it really hit him that you, his precious woman, actually truly need marriage?
I’ve been exactly where you are. I, too, felt in my body like it was some kind of uncomfortable push to get to marriage.
Until I figured out the truth about how men work when it comes to marriage. I actually had to learn this the long, hard way.
I basically tried a few inefficient things to get my man to propose, and none of it worked. Call him “thick”, but he just didn’t seem to get it.
After trial & error, I hit the spot & got my man to propose
Eventually after a lot of pain and confusion, I hit the spot.
And as I hit his ‘spot’, I triggered his desire to propose to me and marry me so easily, I couldn’t believe it. I actually did it authentically.
The moment I was able to communicate authentically that I needed to marry him, he got it! We got engaged that year, and married 3 months after that.
Here’s the thing. When you’ve spent long enough with a man that you’re starting to feel like you’re getting the short end of the stick, the anger and anxiety get to you. Right?
You start to feel like unless he proposes to you soon, you may have to end up fighting with him over the topic or marriage!
This ‘fight’ is the last thing it should feel like when you want figure out how get him to propose and marry you. (See my article on why men don’t want to marry…)
It’s just a woman’s thing to feel this way. And that’s because we don’t automatically know how to communicate our need for marriage to a man.
Due to the fact that we don’t inherently understand how a MALE needs to hear our need for marriage, we only know how WE would need to hear it.
how to get him to propose: ask in a high value way
This is an example of how communication problems occur between men and women. The key is knowing HOW to make him understand that you want marriage, and know how to ask.
You know, I have seen this same problem not only with myself. I’ve seen it over and over (this feeling of impatience and not knowing how to ask for more commitment ie: marriage) in so many women across the world.
I am convinced that we women intuitively GET that men can be put off by proposing to a woman and asking for her hand in marriage. Even though the truth is that all men do secretly love to commit. Yes, all men. Read this article on the 3 Reasons Why All Men Secretly Love to Commit.
Yet, men are sometimes put off proposing to a woman and put off marriage in a relationship. This is mostly because of their association with the idea of marriage and largely, the way the majority of women tend to go about asking for it.
Most women try to push a man to propose (& it turns him off the idea of marriage)
Think about it. How do most women (or people in general) go about asking and getting things?
Well, they PUSH. Take this common example: a woman’s best girl friend just got engaged and has a beautiful engagement ring. The woman doesn’t have that herself so, she rushes home to tell her man about it.
She tells him about how her best friend Sandra’s fiancee got HER this big fat engagement ring, yet SHE herself has not received such a thing.
No WONDER we worry about pushing a man away when we want to ask him to propose.
The problem is not that we want more commitment from men. The problem is how we go about asking and expressing our need for more commitment. (Reminds me of this lady who doubted whether her man would EVER propose.)
the good & bad options for getting him to propose
When we want something from a man, there are two general ways of going about it:
1) Using some kind of indirect or direct force (not physical, though this might happen for some)
2) Inspiring it.
How do you think men become inspired to propose marriage to you?
They become inspired to propose to you when they are already deeply connected to you, and they feel your genuine NEED for marriage.
Some women resort to saying something like “I can’t stay with you any longer unless we get married”. In other words, they resort to delivering threats or ultimatums.
And that is a sign of you showing up Low Value. Keyword: showing up. You’re not really low value, but we all sometimes show up low value.
See, here’s the uncomfortable truth: you only need to issue an ultimatum when you don’t have any value to give. An ultimatum is not anywhere near the effectiveness of delivering the message to a man that you need marriage to feel secure and free as a woman.
CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
don’t just use words to get him to propose
And, by the way, if you’re now thinking that you can go and tell your boyfriend in words that you “need marriage to feel secure and free”, you need to understand that THIS is not likely to be 100% effective.
Why? Due to the fact that you need a lot more than just a statement with words to encourage a man to do what you need him to do.
Would you be inspired to have sex with a man then and there if he said: “I need sex to feel good in the relationship.”? Would that inspire you to have sex with him then and there?
Not likely. You may give him sex out of obligation, but that’s out of obligation. Not out of inspiration. These two motivations carry very different emotional qualities behind them, wouldn’t you agree?
It would inspire you to have sex with him if he was irresistibly hot, sexy, and attractive, right? Of course!
Because him being irresistibly hot, sexy and attractive is a sign of him being High Value, and that means he’d be adding value to your life.
As for an in depth, step by step guide on how to ask for marriage, I can show you exactly how I got a client of mine to get her man to marry her in 7 days. (No, I’m absolutely not joking. That’s how powerful this approach was for inspiring her man to marry her!)
I show you how inside of my commitment Masterclass which I run with my husband.
Here are some examples of pushing for marriage (or nagging):
“Honey, we’ve been in a relationship for 3 years, it’s about time now….!!!”
“Honey, don’t you love me enough to marry me?”
“You don’t love me otherwise you’d marry me”
“All my friends’ boyfriends have proposed, except you…”
And Mia’s idea that her boyfriend might just do it to PACIFY her does not come from her boyfriend’s attitude to marriage, it actually comes from HER viewpoint of the situation – and how she feels.
Innately, she feels that it’s difficult to ask for marriage, and doesn’t know HOW to communicate to her man in the way he can hear it best and choose to marry her.
That’s why I want to assure Mia (and you, the reader) that there is a better and safer way for how to get him to propose and to ask for more commitment and marriage.
How to make sure he proposes because he WANTS to
If you know how to appeal to a man’s GENUINE need to take care of you, then you can come from a place of power and always know in your heart that you inspired him to propose to you.
Instead of forever feeling like you cheated yourself and him out of a truly romantic union (because you PUSHED for marriage), you need to appeal to his innate masculine need to take care of you.
Every masculine man can’t help but come forth and take care of a woman who truly, actually needs it.
I’m not talking about a bimbo faking it – I’m talking about men responding to your genuine need. Your vulnerability, not your neediness.
I have an article on this: How to be Vulnerable Without Being NEEDY.
So, here is what I suggest you do: Dig in to the deepest part of you. Go beyond your surface emotions, and into the real, core emotions, or your primary emotions.
Talk to the pure part of you that you trust. And ask this part of you WHY you want marriage. Ask the part of you that is truly vulnerable, this question:
“Why do you need or want him to propose marriage”? And don’t be afraid of the real, raw answer.
If you do this, you’ll get closer to the authentic part of you. Thus, when you get close to this part of yourself, then you will naturally bring out your man’s authentic desire to propose and marry you.
Do you know the dark art of “High Value Banter” that helps you quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”? CLICK HERE to learn how in this free class.
Get him to propose using your primary emotions
What I’m getting you to do here, is I’m asking you to go deep and begin feeling the more primary emotion you have.
So, let me explain primary emotion briefly.
Primary emotion is the emotion that we feel first in response to a situation.
There are 8 primary emotions, according to some authorities on this subject.
The 8 primary emotions & why they make a man FEEL your need for marriage
Secondary emotions are the emotions that we feel after the primary emotion, and often we feel secondary emotion in response to the primary, first emotion.
For example, we may feel shame after we get angry, and we may feel guilt after feeling disgust.
The reason you want to feel primary emotion with a man to get him to propose, is because we are humans.
Because we are humans, we respond best to, and understand in a visceral way, when someone is feeling primary emotion.
This primary emotion will allow him to emotionally connect with and bond with you. When he bonds with you, he’ll be much more likely to be inspired to propose and marry you, rather than feeling obligated to propose, simply because instead of feeling, perhaps you decided to “convince” him into proposing to you.
Convincing a man never pays off. Especially in matters of love.
You will have much more success getting him to propose to you by actually feeling your primary emotion, so that it gives him and opening to step in and feel for you or with you, and to step up, choosing to give you more of himself, because he genuinely perceives your need for marriage.
Getting to Marriage is NOT something you need to go to war for
Marriage is not something you have to go to war for.
If you find you only want marriage because every other woman around you has it although you don’t really need it, that’s a key point to consider.
If you think you should be married and that’s really the only reason you want marriage, then you may want to think about why you even WANT him to marry you.
You might be able to be just as happy and feel just as safe with him without being married.
The key word that the lady in our original question used is “pacify”. I mean, parents use pacifiers on babies in order to keep them quiet.
We don’t want a man proposing marriage in order just to shut a woman up.
A man who is in love with you will want to give you exactly what you need
If you read this lady’s question again, you’ll notice something interesting.
This Woman’s Boyfriend actually already WANTS to give her everything!
This woman’s man actually wants to give her everything. He seems to be showing that. But Mia’s feminine brain is blinding her to this reality! (As it often can in the feminine mind).
When a man is emotionally bonded to you and is in love with you, he will automatically want to make you happy and will invest copious amounts of energy and time satisfying your deepest desires.
Good quality men want to do the right thing by their woman, but they are often stopped from giving her what she needs due to ineffective, useless communication from women.
Here is what I mean. Men very rarely understand indirect communication from women.
This is unfortunately the mode of communication that the client in the question (Mia), and so many of us use to try to get a man to understand our need for marriage.
Here’s the part in her question that made me know:
“I want him to propose. He seems to be more focused on buying a home for us than a ring. I’m confused because I have told him that one of my goals is to be settled into a home with a family of my own.”
Men don’t understand indirect communication very well
This is as indirect a communication you can get. And I LOVE this example right here because men understand direct communication, not indirect communication.
Mia’s man has taken her communication (“one of my goals is to be settled into a home with a family of my own”) directly. He has gone on to actually give her what she said she wanted.
And yet she is confused. I can’t help but giggle about this because this is a typical male-female difference and problem.
She doesn’t need to be confused, because he’s buying her a home since that’s what she told him she wants. You can’t get any closer to cause and effect in this case. And that’s how the masculine brain works.
If you want him to propose, feel how scared you are…
Instead of having “talk” to this man, Mia should ideally actually feel. Feel and voice how scared she is that if they don’t get married, such and such will happen.
This is her accessing (and feeling) her primary emotion, and it is extremely effective with a man!
If she had told him directly that she NEED to be married, maybe things would be different (depending of course, on the emotional quality of her communication).
For exampleL did she communicate her desire for marriage in an emotionally closed off way? (ie: did she say it without feeling, in a matter-of-fact kind of way, which would never inspire a man to propose, because he cannot connect to that?)
Or did she perhaps say it from a place of genuine need…and perhaps he would actually understand that you genuinely need marriage in order to feel fully safe and trusting?
How my student got her man to marry her in 7 Days (the phrase to use)
Around this time last year, a student of mine contacted me in absolute tears and frustration, because she couldn’t get her man to marry her.
She knew her man was committed to her, but the problem was that she really wanted marriage but they hadn’t gotten there yet.
After one session with her, and giving her one line to say to her man, she contacted me 7 days later to tell me that they had gotten married. What I got my student to do first, was to figure out why she wanted marriage. (It’s usually the exact same reason for almost all women).
And then I kindly asked her to express her need for marriage to her man in a certain way, using these exact words: “I’m scared…” And the fact is that…that was the exact truth for her.
Her man could hear and feel her need for marriage from these words.
By the way, if you haven’t yet, click here to register to watch the Commitment Masterclass.
Get him to propose by understanding him deeply
To you who is reading this…don’t ever forget that if you’re a woman, then you’ve most probably come into the world equipped with a feminine nature.
This feminine nature or feminine bias of thinking and seeing the world can cloud your ability to do and say what your man needs you to say in order for him to propose marriage to you.
You must always become increasingly aware that men think, see, feel, and hear things completely differently to most feminine women.
Your frustrations simply come from your biological differences and not putting the effort in to understand men so that you can get what you want in your relationship.
Understanding men is the simple most rewarding task I’ve ever embarked upon.
It simply feels good to understand another human being (in the case of men, sometimes it’s not just another human being, it’s another species)
I wish the same rewarding feeling of power and freedom upon you. Go check out the commitment masterclass and see for yourself, the power of the advice I’ve given.
My clients are getting married due to this advice, so what have you got to lose?
(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)
If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.
By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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