Why There’s No Such Thing as a Home-wrecker!

It always disappoints yet amazes me the number of women and men who blame and hate on “the other woman” or “the other man”.

Yes, affairs and cheating are heart-breaking, and for most couples, it’s the kiss of death.

It makes me cringe when I hear of the wife or girlfriend screaming at the other woman, blaming her, asking how could she/he do this to my family!?

The answer is because other women out there who are looking to steal your man and be a home-wrecker couldn’t care less about how you feel.

I’ve said before in my article on why you can’t trust people, that people generally do what is best for themselves, not what is best for you.

Sure, there are a minority of women out there who do have morals. But when it comes to women and a high status man who may be married – often, morals fly out the window, because women are always looking for resources.

Financial, physical, and emotional resources. They need it, because they are the ones who bear the child.

I am a mother of 3 with a dream husband (who I’ve had the privilege of watching other women try to ‘tempt’ and ‘steal’ many times) – so I totally ‘get’ hating the thought – or the action – of having your man leave you for another woman.

But I cannot subscribe to the mentality of blaming the other woman.

Related: What Makes A Man Leave His Wife For Another Woman?

there's no such thing as a home wrecker

There’s No Such Thing as a Home-Wrecker

Though I understand the pain of being cheated on (I’ve been through it myself), and I can understand that in those moments of vulnerability and pain that we want to lash out at the “other woman”, it’s actually got nothing to do with the other woman.

There is no such thing as a home-wrecker simply because if a third party can enter the relationship bubble and destroy it, then your relationship was weak to start off with.

There is no such thing as a home-wrecker because if it was all based on another person ‘tempting’ our partner, or entering our partner’s proximity with bad intentions, then no relationship would ever work out.

And we might as well never have an intimate relationship – quite frankly they would never be worth it – and we could all remain single.

(Read my article: If You Keep Doing This You Will Always Be Single)

This is like constantly fearing you’re going to be robbed; imagine what this would do to your state of mind.

You may not always actively worry about someone stealing your man, but if underneath you have the idea that other women are always a threat to the lasting ability of your relationship, then your whole world is going to be unbalanced.

Therefore, you will ultimately experience suffering within yourself and in your relationship.

Related: He Said Another Woman Is More Attractive Than Me. How Do I Cope? [A Guide]

Home Wrecker Meaning…

Here’s the official meaning of a home wrecker: a person blamed for the break-up of a marriage or long-term relationship, especially as a result of having an affair with one of the partners.

Key word here is “blamed”.

While I understand that other women can be a threat to the happiness of your marriage, I don’t believe in blaming them for the break up of a long term relationship.

Instead, I think the real cause of the breakdown of the relationship is three main things:

  1. The woman’s choice in husband/partner
  2. The lack of resourcefulness of the man and wife within the marriage; and
  3. The lack of emotional connection and emotional attraction maintained within the marriage. Because when these two things are present in abundance, then it’s almost impossible for an outside party to cause a break up. The man and wife would simply be too emotionally tight, and too in love to be susceptible to external mate poachers.

Tell me, what exactly is the point of being in an intimate relationship if other people can threaten your position as husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend so easily?

Is it moreso that the woman cannot handle her fear, pain and loneliness surrounding the fears of not measuring up to other women?

So much so that she doesn’t actually focus on the quality of her relationship and being a woman of value to her man?

learn the dark feminine art of High Value Banter here.

Instead Of Blaming The Home Wrecker, Do THIS

In other words, it pays to focus your valuable energy on increasing your mate value as a woman in your relationship, over being obsessively fearful or vigilant.

The problem is that a lot of women fear the apparently more attractive woman having the ability to take their man. Take a look at the brouhaha surrounding Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt when they broke up…apparently it was all Angelina Jolie’s fault, but is it really her fault?

Or was she just opportunistic – and able to be so – because the bond between Aniston and Pitt wasn’t all that great to begin with? Perhaps they weren’t that loyal to each other after all?

It’s easy for women to look at another woman, and think that her beauty, status and enchanting disposition are a threat.

Then the jealousy ensues…..the controlling behavior surfaces…..and worse still; women start to cause themselves suffering and pain.

Regardless of whether or not someone like Angelina Jolie or the gorgeous girl next door have bad intentions with your husband or boyfriend, a successful and passionate relationship will thrive and remain strong despite external threats.

At the end of the day, mate poachers are the constant in this world – you cannot control them any more than you can control your own husband.

They will always exist, because the people who already successfully communicated their value, attracted a mate are already taken or married.

That leaves the remaining people two options: choose from the remaining pool of mates (which may carry more baggage or be of lower mate value).

Or unconsciously or consciously try to further their mating success with someone who is already taken.

Women and men of value are always going to be ogled at, desired and even conspired against by admirers. Remember that is a constant. You cannot control that.

As David Buss says:

“Mate poachers will always be ready to pounce. The pleasures of sexual temptation come in the here and now. The costs of infidelity lie in the distant and uncertain future. But perhaps a keener awareness of mate value logic will give us the tools to curtail the more sinister products of the mating wars.”

Here’s now I interpret the last line of what he says: we should be aware that mate value is a thing, it exists, and we should respect it and always seek to increase our own value.

In other words, let’s look to focus on what we can control.

how to stay high value

Isn’t The Onus On Your Man, Rather Than “The Other Woman”?

I understand that another woman disrespecting your position as girlfriend or wife is disappointing.

And yes, a lot of women do get a big rush from seeing if they can steal a man from a woman, and this is not right. I’m not making this behaviour OK.

However, it’s ultimately about the quality of the marriage or relationship, as well as the quality of your own character and the quality of the man you chose.

It’s his decision to value the relationship. It’s his perception and values that matter in this situation.

As soon as you blame the other woman, not only is this not classy, it completely strips you of your power as a woman. (Power to learn and grow and do what’s best for your relationship).

If you blame a third party for something that is ultimately your own responsibility – (your relationship) – then all hope is gone.

You are supposed to have the power in a relationship, not a third party. A woman who knows the power of femininity knows this.

Other women are simply not threats and should not be to a loving and passionate relationship where there is a lot of attraction already.

Ultimately, if we choose to see other people as a threat to our special relationship, then we cannot be empowered. We cannot do anything about it, and we’ll end up in disappointment.

Take here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”

CLICK HERE to LEARN the One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Masculine Man That Inspires Him to Want to Take Care of You, Worship You and Deeply Commit to You.

Know Who You Are In A Relationship With!

Hint: Know who you are in a relationship with. Don’t get in to a relationship with somebody who you know doesn’t value their relationship as first priority.

Don’t accept the abusive or adulterous behaviour of a narcissist, and don’t willingly risk your valuable youth, time, energy and emotional health on a man who is showing all the red flags.

By the way, I’ve just published my brand new program titled “Becoming His One & Only!”…Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only.

Do you think the notion of a home wrecker is an out-of-date idea?

4 8 votes
Article Rating

High Value Women Group

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
186 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Ava
Ava

Renee I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this topic but what I have learned it that there is more than one truth. I agree that if you focus on your marriage the chances of your spouse being tempted by another people to be unloving may decrease. I also believe that some people generally men are not as emotionally attuned to others and they do not pick up on the emotional clues that another person is sending and they are receiving. Before long your partner is being emotionally feed and is head down a road where the brakes are not… Read more »

Ava
Ava
Reply to  Renee Wade

Romantic committed relationships require work like most relationships . I agree building loyalty, trust, passion and closeness are worthwhile. What gets a lot of people into trouble is a lack of mindfulness observing their actions so bringing things up can help with that. Having uncomfortable conversations with others is no reason not to have them. You do not have to warn anyone unless what they are doing is severe. You could even make a joke about your discomfort; many things are shared through humor. When it comes to a third party it is very unlikely that a spouse has given… Read more »

Fatima
Fatima

Hi Renee. This may not be relevant to this post but I was wondering if you’ve written about ‘fear of commitment’ in women. I know you’ve talked about it in men, but what are your thoughts on it in women? – This goes hand in hand with the ‘avoidant attachment’ style. I know mostly men have these traits. However I feel a lot of women also struggle with this, especially because vulnerability is even more scary to those people. You have dabbled into the ‘anxiously attached’ style in women. But I’m really curious to know how detached, avoidant, commitment phobic… Read more »

Chelsea Fabbri
Chelsea Fabbri

I agree with you Renee about a woman not being able to take an unwilling man. If there are cracks in the main aspects of the relationship then women definitely try to slide their skanky way in. The only part I am conflicted about is whether or not a woman should still check up on a man to some degree. On one hand I think they get scared off if the woman doesn’t trust them but on the other i feel like sometimes men reach out to other woman out of either thinking with their primitive brain or because they… Read more »

Jaclyn
Jaclyn

Wow…..I have a female friend who deliberately pursues married men. She has been the cause of four marriage break ups,one of which was her best girlfriend who she worked with,she also worked with the other three men. Two lost their jobs because of it. She ditched all four men after they left their wives for her.She has also been divorced three times. She has no remorse,using your excuse that they must have had problems in the marriage anyway. Probably to some degree…but if she had respected others marriages and had some boundaries,maybe they would have gotten over a rough patch.… Read more »

Anonymous permit coordinator
Anonymous permit coordinator

I disagree. I have watched my coworker relentlessly pursue our boss amongst all the other desperate attention-seeking behaviors she engages in. She is a jealous, catty-young woman with no personality of her own. She truly disgusts me. Too bad our environment can’t be free of her so that we could focus on being a team together in a sane and professional way. I happen to see “the needs” our boss had/has and chose/choose to gently nudge him towards becoming a healthier person. He has two kids, after all! One is twelve, the other is four. I could have exploited his… Read more »

JoMama
JoMama

This still lets the other woman off the hook too easily. Both of the people are in the wrong the man and the woman alike. if a woman knowingly goes after a man who is married with the intent of taking that man away from that woman, then she is definitely a 100 percent wrong and she is just a w****! that being said I wouldn’t want a man who was weak enough to be taken away by another woman. Better to be single than to be paranoid about somebody stealing your man from you.

Neagan
Neagan

Two people directly involved, two people guilty. Blaming the spouse who was cheated on, then what’s next, blaming the victim of rape for being raped or blaming Ukraine that Russia occupied Crimea?

John
John

Sounds like a homewrecker wrote this article I was trying to make himself feel better about what they did, LOL

Alicia
Alicia
Reply to  John

Right?!?

John
John

Sounds like a homewrecker wrote this article and is trying to make themselves feel better about it??

Lboogie0204
Lboogie0204

I got tangled up with a married man 17 years my senior, and he was married to a woman for 15 years or so. So she’s was old as dirt, and old enough to be my mum. He left her for me, because according to him, she was a giant nagging bitch who always “wanted him to make more money…” I dont know, like personally, yes, I think she was probably just a nagging bitch, but also he wasn’t getting what he needed at home, so him and i get along well. We have a 3 year relationship and a… Read more »

JoMama
JoMama
Reply to  Lboogie0204

Just keep in mind that if he cheats with you he’ll probably cheat on you. So I wouldn’t glued so much if I were you you s*l*u*t

Lisa Hamilton
Lisa Hamilton
Reply to  Lboogie0204

Well, if she was an old to be your mom, wasn’t he an old as to be your father? Also remember in 10 years you will be old as dirt and younger one will come and still your happiness (just do not blame her when that happens).

Alexis Garcia
Alexis Garcia

You’re thinking in terms of the relationship or the 2 in the relationship, but did you forget the fundamental issue with a homewrecker (because they do exist) is that they specifically want a man or woman IN a relationship. If they wanted a single person like a NORMAL person then they wouldn’t be a “homewrecker”. People make mistakes and relationships can be mended but a homewrecker is still at the end of the day messed up in the head. No normal woman wants a man who is taken and vice versa. Let’s set a situation where a man in a… Read more »

alex
alex

for fucks sake most men are whores! Him staring at other women is a clue! So is the porn, he always feels the need to fantasize and masturbate to other women. The constant stream of cheating men in celebrity news. If you really need more proof, make a dating or craigslist profile or even an escort profile seeking married men, youll get so many responses you wont have time to read them all. WAKE the fuck up. Men dont love you and marriage is but a sexist institution.

JoMama
JoMama
Reply to  alex

Oh wow are you bitter or what?

Joel Rosenblum
Joel Rosenblum

I dunno what led me to read this randomly. I’m just one man, but I do think I speak for many, if not most men, when I say that although I would try mightily to avoid temptation, there is most certainly a level of temptation which I cannot guarantee I could avoid. Don’t forget that we humans are still full of lower mammal instincts and even reptilian stuff. Our neocortex is not always in control. It’s really easy to say, “I would never do xyz.” But the truth is, there is almost certainly a possible situation in which you would… Read more »

alex
alex
Reply to  Joel Rosenblum

men are very primitive minded and if they are HONEST I really have no problem with them sleeping around or whatever. The problem is that they INSIST on putting on a “good guy” persona and expect complete loyalty from a woman, all while sneaking around. This is most married men. If men were truly “in love” with a woman, they wouldnt do this. Dont lie, dont hurt others. anything else you do I dont care.

Joel Rosenblum
Joel Rosenblum
Reply to  alex

It is not a question of loving someone enough. In fact the ppl you love the most r the most likely for u to hurt.

alex
alex
Reply to  Joel Rosenblum

yeah maybe for you idiot MEN. Men are high sex, low empathy, low self awareness, low interpersonal skills. They do not love. A dog would be a better companion.

Joel Rosenblum
Joel Rosenblum
Reply to  alex

Stats show women cheat just as much so i guess u are coming from a place of personal hurt and applying it as some type of unscientific prejudice. Point is, humans are not perfect. So whenever you place your heart in someone else’s hands, be ready for misery. Even if they never betray you, you will be separated by force at some point.

alex
alex
Reply to  Joel Rosenblum

you are quite the mansplaining idiot. Men cheat more, always have. They also molest, rape, steal, kill,defraud and do every terrible thing more than women as well. I have zero interest in giving my “heart” to a male. Romance and marriage are only a sexist institution designed to control and own women
No thanks.

Gustavo
Gustavo
Reply to  alex

Then be a lesbian and move on if you hate men so much

Matryoshkadollie
Matryoshkadollie

You’re taking the side of the other woman? Seriously?

Renee Wade

Good to see you reading your own meanings in to someone else’s words. You should read what I wrote. above.

Richard
Richard

are you serious?? whether man or woman, you should respect the sanctity of marriage. i must assume you’ve done it and like my ex, think it’s fine to steal someone else’s partner for your own carnal pleasures. it’s people like you that make the world the way it is now.

MoSpa
MoSpa

I agree to an extent. However, taking ‘some’ of the blame away from the third party is not allowing them to be held accountable for their bad choices and negative behavior; especially if they knowingly and willingly decided to pursue and/or continue the affair.

MadamX2016

You are very young. There really is a big difference between a relationship and a marriage. Eventually every marriage has to reach a companionship stage, but not every relationship moves beyond the superficialities of sex and that feeling of being in love. Some men and women walk away when the thrill is gone, and some realize there is a thrill in what tomorrow may bring. One must choose to stay in a marriage and no one can judge a woman or a man who decides to not divorce. Too many people have relationship-ADHD. You are very young. You are making… Read more »

Melanie
Melanie

Whilst the responsibility absolutely lies with the man and the quality of your relationship is the responsibility of both partners, please don’t deny the fact that some women will move in on men who may, at a weak moment, give in to temptation. Most wives will be nervous about this kind of woman because every marriage has days of doubt and uncertainty. My best friend of many years is one such person and she is an absolute master at moving in on any bloke and making herself sexually available as well as undermining the wife because the wife doesn’t give… Read more »

namrata
namrata

Homewreckers do exist, they can belong to any gender, and they are guilty. A homewrecker doesn’t have to be in a physical relationship with your partner to break your marriage. My marriage was going through a rough patch. My husband had a gambling problem and he would keep on loosing all of our household income. We never had any money left in the bank. My husband was not willing to listen to a counselor because the counselor was advising him to get conservative with investments. I earned as much as my husband, yet he never considered consulting me before making… Read more »

neveragain
neveragain

Would you feel the same way if the other woman was your best friend? Just curious, because I totally blame both of them. She is by no means innocent. She is completely a homewrecking, backstabbing whore. Talk about a Fucked up story, she was pregnant with her boyfriends baby while fucking my husband.

Send this to a friend