It always disappoints yet amazes me the number of women and men who blame and hate on “the other woman” or “the other man”.
Yes, affairs and cheating are heart-breaking, and for most couples, it’s the kiss of death.
It makes me cringe when I hear of the wife or girlfriend screaming at the other woman, blaming her, asking how could she/he do this to my family!?
The answer is because other women out there who are looking to steal your man and be a home-wrecker couldn’t care less about how you feel.
I’ve said before in my article on why you can’t trust people, that people generally do what is best for themselves, not what is best for you.
Sure, there are a minority of women out there who do have morals. But when it comes to women and a high status man who may be married – often, morals fly out the window, because women are always looking for resources.
Financial, physical, and emotional resources. They need it, because they are the ones who bear the child.
I am a mother of 3 with a dream husband (who I’ve had the privilege of watching other women try to ‘tempt’ and ‘steal’ many times) – so I totally ‘get’ hating the thought – or the action – of having your man leave you for another woman.
But I cannot subscribe to the mentality of blaming the other woman.
There’s No Such Thing as a Home-Wrecker
Though I understand the pain of being cheated on (I’ve been through it myself), and I can understand that in those moments of vulnerability and pain that we want to lash out at the “other woman”, it’s actually got nothing to do with the other woman.
There is no such thing as a home-wrecker simply because if a third party can enter the relationship bubble and destroy it, then your relationship was weak to start off with.
There is no such thing as a home-wrecker because if it was all based on another person ‘tempting’ our partner, or entering our partner’s proximity with bad intentions, then no relationship would ever work out.
And we might as well never have an intimate relationship – quite frankly they would never be worth it – and we could all remain single.
This is like constantly fearing you’re going to be robbed; imagine what this would do to your state of mind.
You may not always actively worry about someone stealing your man, but if underneath you have the idea that other women are always a threat to the lasting ability of your relationship, then your whole world is going to be unbalanced.
Therefore, you will ultimately experience suffering within yourself and in your relationship.
Home Wrecker Meaning…
Here’s the official meaning of a home wrecker: a person blamed for the break-up of a marriage or long-term relationship, especially as a result of having an affair with one of the partners.
Key word here is “blamed”.
While I understand that other women can be a threat to the happiness of your marriage, I don’t believe in blaming them for the break up of a long term relationship.
Instead, I think the real cause of the breakdown of the relationship is three main things:
- The woman’s choice in husband/partner
- The lack of resourcefulness of the man and wife within the marriage; and
- The lack of emotional connection and emotional attraction maintained within the marriage. Because when these two things are present in abundance, then it’s almost impossible for an outside party to cause a break up. The man and wife would simply be too emotionally tight, and too in love to be susceptible to external mate poachers.
Tell me, what exactly is the point of being in an intimate relationship if other people can threaten your position as husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend so easily?
Is it moreso that the woman cannot handle her fear, pain and loneliness surrounding the fears of not measuring up to other women?
So much so that she doesn’t actually focus on the quality of her relationship and being a woman of value to her man?
Instead Of Blaming The Home Wrecker, Do THIS
In other words, it pays to focus your valuable energy on increasing your mate value as a woman in your relationship, over being obsessively fearful or vigilant.
The problem is that a lot of women fear the apparently more attractive woman having the ability to take their man. Take a look at the brouhaha surrounding Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt when they broke up…apparently it was all Angelina Jolie’s fault, but is it really her fault?
Or was she just opportunistic – and able to be so – because the bond between Aniston and Pitt wasn’t all that great to begin with? Perhaps they weren’t that loyal to each other after all?
It’s easy for women to look at another woman, and think that her beauty, status and enchanting disposition are a threat.
Then the jealousy ensues…..the controlling behavior surfaces…..and worse still; women start to cause themselves suffering and pain.
Regardless of whether or not someone like Angelina Jolie or the gorgeous girl next door have bad intentions with your husband or boyfriend, a successful and passionate relationship will thrive and remain strong despite external threats.
At the end of the day, mate poachers are the constant in this world – you cannot control them any more than you can control your own husband.
They will always exist, because the people who already successfully communicated their value, attracted a mate are already taken or married.
That leaves the remaining people two options: choose from the remaining pool of mates (which may carry more baggage or be of lower mate value).
Or unconsciously or consciously try to further their mating success with someone who is already taken.
Women and men of value are always going to be ogled at, desired and even conspired against by admirers. Remember that is a constant. You cannot control that.
As David Buss says:
“Mate poachers will always be ready to pounce. The pleasures of sexual temptation come in the here and now. The costs of infidelity lie in the distant and uncertain future. But perhaps a keener awareness of mate value logic will give us the tools to curtail the more sinister products of the mating wars.”
Here’s now I interpret the last line of what he says: we should be aware that mate value is a thing, it exists, and we should respect it and always seek to increase our own value.
In other words, let’s look to focus on what we can control.
Isn’t The Onus On Your Man, Rather Than “The Other Woman”?
I understand that another woman disrespecting your position as girlfriend or wife is disappointing.
And yes, a lot of women do get a big rush from seeing if they can steal a man from a woman, and this is not right. I’m not making this behaviour OK.
However, it’s ultimately about the quality of the marriage or relationship, as well as the quality of your own character and the quality of the man you chose.
It’s his decision to value the relationship. It’s his perception and values that matter in this situation.
If you blame a third party for something that is ultimately your own responsibility – (your relationship) – then all hope is gone.
You are supposed to have the power in a relationship, not a third party. A woman who knows the power of femininity knows this.
Other women are simply not threats and should not be to a loving and passionate relationship where there is a lot of attraction already.
Ultimately, if we choose to see other people as a threat to our special relationship, then we cannot be empowered. We cannot do anything about it, and we’ll end up in disappointment.
Know Who You Are In A Relationship With!
Hint: Know who you are in a relationship with. Don’t get in to a relationship with somebody who you know doesn’t value their relationship as first priority.
By the way, I’ve just published my brand new program titled “Becoming His One & Only!”…Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only.
Do you think the notion of a home wrecker is an out-of-date idea?
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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