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How to Develop Character As A Woman
Article updated 2018
Femininity without character is a bit of a flop. You can look all good, get your hair and make up done, put on some beautiful clothes, smile widely, and be all nice, polite and accommodating, but without character, you really run the risk of being boring.
Before I talk more about this, it is important to define character. As there is more than just one facet to it.
Character: The aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing; moral or ethical quality; qualities of honesty, courage or the like; integrity; good repute; a person, especially with reference to behavior or personality.
You may know of only a small number of women with true character. The reason is because many women (and men) like to follow rather than lead. They would prefer to stay ‘safe’ and within the clan than stand out a little and be authentic. As per the definition above, character is about the features and traits (of personality) that make up YOU as an individual. It’s integrity. It’s honesty. It’s the combination of all things that make you you.
Don’t get me wrong, I do think that human beings are not given enough credit at times. We are incredible creatures, but I think you would agree that there is not enough integrity around. Our culture has become all about the ME in everything. That’s why we aren’t really taught how to interact with each other in relationships, etc.
You may think that we’re all individuals anyway, and whilst this is true, I rarely come across a woman whom is truly happy to be themselves. Real, raw and 100% authentic. To stand for something. To fight for what she believes in. And when I do come across a woman like this, she commands a great deal of respect. You cannot truly respect someone without character.
The kind of woman who lacks character is the kind of woman who is boring. She’s predictable. She’s happy to just follow what everyone else does. And when a crisis happens, she lacks the courage to do what is right. You cannot trust this woman, and neither can you respect her.
Furthermore, she lies. If that’s a little too intense for you, I will say that a woman without character is afraid of the truth; at the very least. A woman without character lies to feel better about herself. To get something from others. She’s also the snobby girl who ignored you in high school and wouldn’t give anyone but the ‘hot’ guys or popular girls the time of day. Above all, she’s scared. She’s scared as hell. Of uncertainty, and of losing acceptance from others. (read my article about why can’t you be loved for who you are?)
So let me get in to how to develop character:
1) Accept and LOVE your ‘imperfections’. Let’s start with imperfections in personality. Everybody makes mistakes. You’ve been a raging bitch before, and so have I. It’s OK if you can rise above your mistakes and become better from them. And it’s particularly important to do it in the moment. Not later, when it’s easier.
This is one way character is actually developed. No-one just stumbles across true character. It takes experience and fearless honesty with yourself and with others.
It takes courage to admit a mistake and learn from it. This is one facet that makes up true character. Human beings are imperfect by nature. Choose to keep learning and growing. Accept imperfections in yourself and others.
And now to get on to the physical “imperfections”:
The things that you consider imperfections are most likely the things that make the people closest to you love you so much. Character can be seen from your ability to accept and LOVE what you’ve been given (physically).
For example, I am a tiny woman at 5 foot 3 inches. At 5 foot 3, I don’t stand very tall. But, I realized that this is one of the reasons why the people who care about me love me. I wouldn’t be ME otherwise.
Also, take Cindy Crawford’s mole for example. It’s easy to see that as a flaw. But, she made a huge career out of that mole!!
Take Johnny Depp’s long-time French singer/actress girlfriend, Vanessa Paradis. She has a huge gap between her front teeth.See it here. It’s adorable! Handicap, you think? Only if SHE thinks so!!
Most importantly: These physical “imperfections” don’t give character in of themselves. It’s a woman’s ability to accept it as a part of her, and love this part of her that gives the trait (and thus her) true character!
2) Stand for something, and stand up for it. If you believe in something, don’t run around, pretending that you don’t. Having character is all about being able to stand for what you believe in and not being afraid to voice it. If you don’t do this, you run the risk of lacking individuality; hence, lacking character.
You may think this is common sense. Yes, it is. Probably to you and I it is. But if you just take a short moment to think about it: most people shy away from revealing certain things about themselves, or refrain from sharing their support or belief in a cause for fear of being in the minority, and therefore not accepted by others. They fear judgment.
For example, I’ve seen some people trying to hide their self-help book in their handbag from the view of other because they fear people will think they’re handicapped. Or they want to appear self-assured, strong and independent – thus, being seen with a self-help book would be embarrassing to them.
This behaviour is mostly a result of a lack of courage.
Don’t succumb to other people’s limitations
3) Align your values and beliefs with your actions. Ask yourself: What do I actually stand for? Is there an idea, belief or value that I would DIE for? What do I truly believe in? What do I represent? Do I have enough character to rise above my challenges in life (situations where my needs are not met) – and stick to my values anyway? Am I living according to my true standards? Or am I being less of myself than I could be?
People will violate their values to meet their needs. Most people. The key to true character is to catch yourself before you violate what you stand for, and rectify the situation. Find a solution. Grow. Be true to yourself.
I will give you an example of what I mean here, as I know I may come across as a little bit vague. The man or woman who says that they will never cheat on their spouse. And….somewhere along the line……whoopsadaisys!!! They’ve cheated on their love. WHY? I mean, you said you never would, right? It’s totally against what you BELIEVE in?
True. It’s true that, if your sexual/intimate/love needs are not met, one will want to justify their violation of their own beliefs (in this case, cheating) with the reasoning that their needs weren’t met.
A person of true character has the integrity to deal with the situation. Either make the relationship better – make it how you want it to be (make no excuses, do all that you can), or leave. That is true character.
Every woman has an element of changeability in her emotions, but there are just SOME things – some basic, foundational values she MUST have (of course, it’s different for everybody). Values and beliefs is something I will address further in future posts. 🙂
4) Develop poise. See my post: 7 Steps to Instant Poise for a detailed article on poise. Poise helps with character because it gives you presence. It also helps to add to the overall visual effect of character. It shows that you’re confident as well.
5) Do what is right, in any situation. Give from the heart and it will come back to you ten-fold. Don’t do it when it’s easy. Or when you’ve been given the ‘OK’. As a woman, you don’t need to be combative or arrogant to do what is right. It’s part of a real woman’s job to leave the world a better place than it was.
An example of this is something that everybody has seen and witnessed in their lifetime: the school bully. And the victim. It is a very rare occasion in which you see a child or young adult standing up to a school bully. But the one who does is the one with character. It takes character to stand up for somebody. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)
And again, as a woman, you don’t have to be combative. You’re just caring.
There’s something I always tell myself, and it’s really stuck with me through the recent months: I’d rather be hated for doing what is right than be accepted for doing what is wrong. (read my article about stop doing the right thing)
6) I know it’s hard, but if you’ve got a few wrinkles; accept them. Your wrinkles are your character lines. They show the way you move your face! If you have habitually been depressed, then your wrinkles probably reflect that you’re somewhat an unhappy person. In which case, you have to change the way you feel (something I’ll get in to in later posts), and your lines will then fade and change according to your new facial movement patterns. Plastic surgery only changes so much before your old, habitual (negative) emotions kick back in and this will start to show up on your face.
But if you’re a really happy person, you’re wrinkles will likely be in all the right places. This is a beautiful thing, despite what certain groups, media and modern advertising has tried to brainwash you in to thinking. There really is nothing worse than a “frozen” face engineered by plasticity, don’t you think? 😉
7) Don’t be afraid to voice your thoughts and opinions.They’re important. Some women travel through life listening and nodding to what everyone else says, and shy away from asserting themselves when necessary. They don’t want to voice their opinions. It’s not about trying to grab attention all the time; it’s about being YOU.
Remember, you, just as anyone else, have the right to express your opinion.
I know a woman who is really nice, by definition. She’s really pleasant. The only problem is, when I’m with her, I feel like shaking something out of her because every time I (or someone else) expresses an opinion, she just nods. No response. Nothing.
The thing is, I WANT to hear her thoughts. I want to know what she thinks, but she’s intent on quietness. And her response is always the same. Consequently, the conversations are:
It’s hard to remember the conversations, or create any fun, happy memories with a person like this. Even if you disagree with someone on something, and you’re always arguing with them; at least you’re adding something. At least you’re emitting energy.
And now, for some brief:
Things that negate character:
– Conforming (akin to a sheep)
– Lack of confidence
– Thinking only of yourself
– Being nonchalant about things; especially things that matter.
– Following fashion trends to excess
– Not challenging yourself – Everything in your world is either growing or it’s dying. There’s no in-between. If you’re not challenging yourself, then you’re less likely to add value to others, to conversations, etc.
– Feeling the need to lie. Integrity is central to character – To have character you must exude candor, honesty, and sincerity.
And finally, another quick example. Y’know those friends whom you thought were friends, but when something happened in your life – perhaps you made a once-off mistake, perhaps something happened to you that made you less “useful” to them than you once were – and all of a sudden, they disappeared off the radar? Kaput. Their friendship was gone?!
Yep. That’s what I consider a lack of character. What about you?
Examples I have of women with character:
(Please note: Some of the examples below show people whose moral character could possibly be questioned – however, they are listed because of their devotion to their unique identity/character.)
Louise L. Hay
Examples of Men with character:
Coach John Wooden
Do you agree with this post? What do you think is true character? Do you have any juicy stories of your experiences with women without true character?
Also, I’m so excited to let you know that our Commitment Control 2.0 is already out. Click here to register and watch the Commitment Masterclass.
(By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)
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