Character means the quality of being individual in an interesting or unusual way.
It also refers a strength and originality in a person’s nature. Additionally, the word “character” also refers to a person’s good reputation.
From this we can deduce that being a woman of character is about having true authenticity, self acceptance, and integrity.
You can look all good, get your hair and make up done, put on some beautiful clothes, smile widely, and be nice, polite and accommodating, but without character you run the risk of being boring as a woman.
Before I talk more about this, it is important to define character. As there is more than just one facet to it.
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Table of Contents
What Does It Mean to be A Woman Of Character?
Let’s look at what it means to be a woman of character beyond the concept of uniqueness and originality.
Here are some deeper meanings of “character”:
Moral or ethical quality; qualities of honesty, courage or the like;
Integrity; good repute; a person, especially with reference to behaviour or personality.
You may know of only a small number of women with true character. The reason is because many women (and men) like to follow the herd rather than stand out and be unique, or take the lead.
They would prefer to stay ‘safe’ and within the clan than to be authentic.
Character is about the features and traits (of personality) that make up you as an individual.
It’s integrity. It’s honesty. It’s the combination of all things that make you you.
What Defines A Woman of Character?
If you want to be a woman of character, you need to focus on two facets:
- Staying true to your soul (your uniqueness); and
- Having sincerity and honesty in your relationships (whether that be in your relationship with your husband, a friend, or relatives)
What defines a woman of character is who she is as a soul, and whether she has the courage to follow her own truth.
That phrase “her own truth” is kind of airy fairy nonsense, so let me make it clearer.
A woman has character if she can stand up for the truth, for what she believes in, in a world full of pressure to be everything other than herself.
We are all born unique, but conditioning and societal pressure tries to make us form beliefs and opinions that reflect the mindset of the times.
It also tends to villify any woman or man who goes their own way, truly believing in – and standing for – something important.
As such, a woman of character has her own direction and by standing for something (usually something defining, important and possibly even controversial), she invites others to be more of themselves too.
Most Women Are Wallpaper
You may think that we’re all individuals anyway – and whilst this is true – most of us rarely come across a woman whom is truly happy to be themselves – even when it causes her to be less popular.
This level of authenticity is rare and requires a strong feeling of self worth.
It also requires something else that a lot of us are afraid to give up. And that’s giving up certain friends.
Because most friends will generally hold you back, and hold you to what they wish you to be – for their own sake.
Sure, there are definitely some great friends out there, but those friends are rare.
So what does it mean to say that most women are wallpaper?
It simply means that they value safety over authenticity. They’re happy not to stand out, and not to make noise, because they don’t want it to cost them approval and acceptance from others.
Whilst I don’t believe you should make noise for the sake of it, women of character stand out in a heartfelt way.
You can feel their strength and self esteem oozing from their very existence.
For many people, being wallpaper is quite nice. And I’d argue that it has it’s huge benefits, but it’s only worth sacrificing your character and integrity for if you truly need that sense of safety to get through life.
The kind of woman who lacks character is the kind of woman who is a little more boring. She’s predictable, because she just slots into the majority in the bell curve.
She’s happy to just follow what everyone else does.
And when a crisis happens, she lacks the courage to do what is right. Somehow you get a niggling feeling that you cannot trust this woman, and neither can you respect her.
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How To Be A Woman Of Character
Now let’s discuss how to be a woman of character!
1: Accept And LOVE Your ‘Imperfections’.
Let’s start with imperfections in personality. Everybody makes mistakes.
You’ve been a raging bitch before, and so have I.
It’s OK if you can rise above your mistakes and become better from them. It’s important to be able to apologize.
And it’s particularly important to do it in the moment, when an apology matters most. Not later, when it’s easier, because it’s actually classy to apologize when it’s hard.
This is one way character is actually developed. No-one just stumbles across true character.
It takes experience, a genuine sense of courage to face the toughest life challenges, and it takes fearless honesty with yourself and with others.
It takes courage to admit a mistake and learn from it. This is one facet that makes up true character.
Human beings are imperfect by nature, so don’t be afraid to be wrong, to have made the wrong choice and therefore needing to readjust.
Readjusting is the most authentic thing you could do.
Conversely, ignoring it, lying to yourself and pretending that you never stuff up is inauthentic and leads you to sell your soul for an image, and for the acceptance of others.
So: step outside your comfort zone. Choose to keep learning and growing.
Accept imperfections in yourself and others.
And now to get on to the physical “imperfections”:
The things that you consider imperfections are most likely the things that make the people closest to you love you so much.
Character can be seen from your ability to accept and LOVE what you’ve been given (physically).
For example, I am a tiny woman at 5 foot 3 inches. At 5 foot 3, I don’t stand very tall.
But, I realized that this is one of the reasons why the people who care about me love me. I wouldn’t be me otherwise.
Also, take Cindy Crawford’s mole for example. It’s easy to see that as a flaw. But, she made a huge career out of that mole!!
Take Johnny Depp’s ex partner. The French singer/actress, Vanessa Paradis. She has a huge gap between her front teeth.
It’s adorable because she accepts it! Handicap, you think? Only if she thinks so!
These physical “imperfections” don’t give character in of themselves.
It’s a woman’s ability to accept it as a part of her, and love this part of her that gives the trait (and thus her) true character!
2: Stand For Something, And Stand Up For It.
If you believe in something, don’t run around pretending that you don’t.
Having character is all about being able to stand for what you believe in and not being afraid to voice it.
If you don’t do this, you run the risk of lacking individuality; hence, lacking character.
You may think this is common sense. Yes, it is. Probably to you and I it is.
But if you just take a short moment to think about it: most people shy away from revealing certain things about themselves, or refrain from sharing their support or belief in a cause for fear of being in the minority, and therefore not accepted by others.
They fear judgment.
Of course, it’s really hard to do this at times, so I understand. You might lose friends. A lot of them. But are they friends if they can’t weather a difference in beliefs? Or at the very least – discuss them with you?
For example, I’ve seen some people trying to hide their self-help book in their handbag from the view of other because they fear people will think they’re handicapped.
Or they want to appear self-assured, strong and independent – thus, being seen with a self-help book would be embarrassing to them.
This behaviour is mostly a result of a lack of courage.
But what if your interest in a self help topic is the thing that may help you connect with another lonely human who also shares your interest?
What if they admire you for it?
Don’t Succumb To Other People’s Limitations!
3: Align Your Values And Beliefs With Your Actions.
Ask yourself: What do I actually stand for?
Is there an idea, belief or value that I would die for?
What do I truly believe in?
What do I represent?
Do I have enough character to rise above my challenges in life (situations where my needs are not met) – and stick to my values anyway?
Am I living according to my true standards? Or am I being less of myself than I could be?
Am I going to sell my soul for some emotional safety?
People will violate their values to meet their needs. Most people.
The key to true character is to catch yourself before you violate what you stand for, and rectify the situation. Find a solution. Grow. Be true to yourself.
I will give you an example of what I mean here, as I know I may come across as a little bit vague.
Take this example: the man or woman who says that they will never cheat on their spouse.
And….somewhere along the line……they do.
They’ve cheated on their love. Why? I mean, you said you never would, right? It’s totally against what you believe in?
On the one hand, it’s true that, if your sexual/intimate/love needs are not met, one will want to justify their violation of their own beliefs (in this case, cheating) with the reasoning that their needs weren’t met.
A person of true character has the integrity to deal with the situation.
Either make the relationship better – make it how you want it to be (make no excuses, do all that you can), or leave.
That is true character. And it’s one reason why I once said that there’s no such thing as a home-wrecker.
(Because when something is wrong in our lives, it takes character – internal resourcefulness – to add value to it until it changes, rather than blame others.)
Every woman has an element of changeability in her emotions, and I don’t believe your job as a woman is to control them.
You wouldn’t be your fully feminine self if you didn’t have some changeability.
But there are just some things – some basic, foundational values one must have in order to be a woman of character.
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4: Develop Poise.
See my post: 7 Steps to Instant Poisefor a detailed article on poise.
Poise helps with character because it gives you presence. It also helps to add to the overall visual effect of character, and it shows that you’re confident.
Poise is defined as “graceful and elegant bearing in a person”. It means to have a sense of balance in the way you hold yourself.
This balance is cultivated from the inside, beginning with a solid self esteem and a well nurtured nervous system that allows your body and actions to glow with poise.
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5: Do What’s Right.
I know we live in a complex world and sometimes it’s not possible to do what’s right.
After all, if someone does the wrong thing by you, chances are good that you’re not going to want to treat them nicely in return, nor are you going to want what is best for them.
However, with the people who matter – try to do what’s right.
Don’t do it only when it’s easy, or when you’ve been given the ‘OK’.
As a woman, you don’t need to be combative or arrogant to do what is right. It’s part of a real woman’s job to leave the world a better place than it was.
An example of this is something that everybody has seen and witnessed in their lifetime: the school bully and the victim.
It is a very rare occasion in which you see a child or young adult standing up to a school bully. But the one who does is the one with character. It takes character to stand up for somebody.
Again, as a woman, you don’t have to be combative. Often, it’s enough to just say ‘no’ from a place of attunement and certainty.
And when standing up for others, it could be as simple as acting from a place of truly caring.
There’s something I always tell myself, and it’s really stuck with me through the recent months: I’d rather be hated for doing what is right than be accepted for doing what is wrong.
6: Accept The Ageing Process!
Your wrinkles are your character lines. They show the way you move your face!
If you have habitually been depressed, then your wrinkles probably reflect that you’re somewhat an unhappy person.
In which case, you have to change the way you feel (something I’ll get in to in later posts), and your lines will then fade and change according to your new facial movement patterns.
Plastic surgery only changes so much before your old, habitual (negative) emotions kick back in and this will start to show up on your face.
But if you’re a really happy person, you’re wrinkles will likely be in all the right places, and you’ll always be radiant.
This is a beautiful thing despite what certain groups, media and modern advertising has tried to brainwash you in to thinking.
There really is nothing worse than a “frozen” face engineered by plasticity, don’t you think?
7: Don’t Be Afraid To Voice Your Thoughts And Opinions.
They’re important. Some women travel through life listening and nodding to what everyone else says, and shy away from asserting themselves when necessary.
They don’t want to voice their opinions, perhaps due to fear or even low self esteem.
It’s not about trying to grab attention all the time; it’s about being YOU.
Remember that you, just like anyone else, have the right to express your opinion (respectfully).
I know a woman who is really nice, by definition. She’s really pleasant.
The only problem is, when I’m with her, I feel like shaking something out of her because every time I (or someone else) expresses an opinion, she just nods.
There’s no response. Nothing.
The thing is, I really want to hear her thoughts. I want to know what she thinks, but she’s intent on her quietness. And her response is always the same.
Consequently, the conversations are:
- Dispassionate; and
When you put these 3 things together, the result is that there’s no real connection there.
It’s hard to remember the conversations or to create any fun, happy memories with a person like this.
Even if you disagree with someone on something, and you’re always arguing with them; at least you’re adding something to the conversation.
At least you’re bringing value through stimulating discussion. That’s what we are here for! We are meant to push each other and challenge each other’s thinking, so that we get to better answers and solutions in life.
Things That Negate Character
- Conforming when it’s not necessary (being more of a sheep than an individual)
- Lack of feminine confidence
- Thinking only of yourself
- Being nonchalant about things; especially things that matter.
- Following fashion trends to excess
- Not challenging yourself – everything in your world is either growing or it’s dying. So if you’re not challenging yourself, then you’re less likely to add value to others, to conversations, etc.
- Feeling the need to lie. Integrity is central to character -To have character you must exude candor, honesty, and sincerity.
Examples Of Women With Character
(Please note: Some of the examples below show people whose moral character could possibly be questioned – however, they are listed because of their devotion to their unique identity/character.
Louise L. Hay
Examples Of Men With Character:
Do you agree with this post? What do you think is true character? Do you have any juicy stories of your experiences with women without true character?
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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