Think casual sex is harmless? Think again.

Why Men can Lose Trust in Women who have unattached sex

What do you suppose men sacrifice when they sleep around a lot?

A committed relationship? Maybe.

Click here to find out if you’re Dating a Commitment Friendly Man

A good reputation? Yes, men can jeopardise their future potential to have a high value mate through perpetual promiscuity (See the book social Psychology and Human Sexuality, 2001).

But more importantly – what, on a reproductive/biological level, do men sacrifice?

Quality.

They sacrifice quality.

And that’s quality of the women. Many men who sleep around don’t mind this; all they are looking for is novelty in experience anyway. Almost any willing woman will do.

It’s still a sacrifice – in terms of a relationship and in terms of a reputation for the purposes of having a relationship with a high value woman though.

Of course, the ACT of sex carries with it very little sacrifice for a man. In fact, it’s all gain to the male limbic system. Get in and get out – hopefully. Unless she stalks him.

But quality is still the sacrifice for a promiscuous man – and that’s why men will try to get the highest value woman they can for a relationship – and have low standards for casual sex.

Women might be attracted to promiscuous men and have sex with them. But the kind of man who is being promiscuous is not generally having sex with 10 women who are rated 10s every week.

The more a man is eagerly looking to sleep around, the lower quality women (low mate value) he has to settle for in that act.

Another way we can think about it is – it is generally assumed among the male community that high reproductive value women are extremely hard to ‘hook up with’, in COMPARISON to lower mate value women.

What do women sacrifice when they have sex quickly?

And what do WOMEN potentially sacrifice, if we sleep with a man quickly (as in, before enough attraction has been built up)?

According to scientific research reported in the book ‘Social Psychology and Human Sexuality’ – women potentially sacrifice their reputation, and risk being viewed as having lower mate quality.

Of course, we don’t live in tribes of 100-200 or more any longer. So, reputation damage isn’t as real a threat to females as it may have been many years ago.

Women in one country can fly across the world and sleep with many men, and then fly home and not risk any damage to their reputation, don’t you think?

Risk factors for women having unattached Sex

However, three risk factors of sleeping around, or unattached sex still remains, for most women –

1) Once we do something, regardless of whether we don’t EVER tell anyone we did it – our neurology has experienced it and something internally still DROVE us to make these choices.

And if we mainly practice unattached sex, because we are avoiding the deeper parts of ourselves that truly want to surrender in trust to a trustworthy man – our body can, over time, train to send messages to men that we are ‘the one of many’ rather than the ‘one and only’.

And all men naturally categorise the women they meet in to one of these categories – based on how the woman shows up.

As we know, what we practice persists. Our body language doesn’t lie.

High value men looking to devote themselves will be able to read what a woman is all about through our body faster than we even get the opportunity to verbally tell them anything about ourselves.

I know it kinda sucks to hear it – but no matter how ‘UN-easy’ we feel inside, because we would turn down most men…what our bodies practice becomes the energy we send out.

2) Risk factors of women having unattached sex number 2. MEN talk to each other when they get sex easily. (ground breaking information there!)

I have a theory about this. I theorise, probably dumbly so, since I’m not an expert – I theorise that men do this gossiping about easy sex to warn each other (their own sex), just like women gossip about ‘jerks’ who make bad or abusive boyfriends – men spread pictures, videos, and gossip about women they have casually slept with.

This is possibly because on a primal level, in our tribal days – this information was CRUCIAL to the future reproductive safety of all men – why?

Because it warns other men not to invest their resources in the women they have gossiped about, since paternity cannot be determined.

(Paternity – meaning no one really knows who the father of the child is, since the woman hasn’t established trust and commitment with one steady guy, or doesn’t seem to have).

If human males were chimpanzees though, they’d all crowd around and take care of the baby – even if 10 of them had sex with the same lady chimp, because there’s always a CHANCE that the baby is theirs.

Although, male chimps have measly fathering skills compared to human males – and that’s partly why they need to ALL invest a bit of paternal energy.

So, just as women in a certain context, protect each other from low value mates of the opposite sex, men do the same in their own way.

Paternity is serious business.

For a man, incredible humiliation and “life-destroying” (to use a real man’s words) emotions can be felt surrounding the possibility that he might have invested time, money, effort and resources in to – gasp – ANOTHER man’s offspring.

In fact, I’ve noticed a scary phenomenon.

Men tend to get more insensitive to the women who have sex because she doesn’t know what else value to add. (Click here to take the quiz on How High Value High Status am I on Facebook?)

In other words, some men become more disrespectful and insensitive towards the women that they get easy sex from.

If you’re on my free newsletter list, you’d have read that one thing not to do in dating is to overtly seek a man’s approval. This can be in the same ballpark as making sex easily accessible.

For an example of the potential consequences of having casual sex without trust and commitment in the relationship, men may spread lies about women (I read once about a woman who had sex with a guy without his commitment and overheard him telling his flat mate that he had had anal sex with her which was totally untrue. That was when she decided to never do it again).

3) Women sacrifice their true nature for casual sex, sometimes. What I mean is – women are not biologically inclined to have sex with men that they don’t trust. To quote Michaela Boehm from this article.

If women are having sex with men that they are HIGHLY attracted to – ie; a man who DOES show up as capable and trustworthy, then the danger might be that she really DOES love him and want a commitment. But, by then, he could have categorised her as ‘one of many’, depending on how she’s showed up.

If she’s had sex EARLY – but she’s showed up as his one and only’, then there’s no problem for the woman – the deal is already sealed.

But if a woman has not done that – then…she could really find herself hurt – and based on the reason that she wasn’t attuned to where the man was at, and how he really FELT about her – whether he truly had any feelings or good intentions for her or not.

Sometimes, we really have to WAIT to have sex with a man, until enough emotional attraction has been built up (the reliable sign it’s ok to go ahead) so that it gives him time to show he’s not really interested in anything more than sex, or that he is interested in taking the relationship further.

Find out more about showing up the ‘one and only’ and embodying high value vulnerability in this FREE class (it really has the best secret for showing up as the one and only right before you are about to have sex, as an attempt to change the course of the situation): http://shenwademedia.com/optin/commitment-masterclass-register/

Surely, all this is about the man and not about us as women?

Yeah, there are total losers out there, and we have all heard stories about them, or even experienced crap with them.

But WHY isn’t this just about men taking responsibility?

You might choose to take responsibility for when and how you have sex

Women simply risk paying a price for having sex before enough attraction and commitment has been established, and therefore the man has had a chance to be tested (by her) to see if he is willing to invest himself (find out tests for commitment here).

If you’re a woman who’s NOT interested in a man’s commitment – still consider how and if having casual sex affects how you show up in the future.

With every opportunity there is a cost.

It’s not that sleeping around has a cost – it’s that everything has a cost.

Even if you had all the money in the world to buy all the nice clothes you wanted – you’d end up with a huge cost in your time, as time will need to be used up and spent to decide what to wear.

If we have less options, there’s less cost in time as there’s less choice.

NOT sleeping around has a cost. Shitting has a cost. Living has a cost.

We have to choose what we do carefully. Especially sex and relationships. Our bodies aren’t designed to sex men for our egos and for the fun of it – without feeling some sort of pain or shock or ‘being taken advantage of’ at some point.

It’s not even about being ‘easy’ or about being judged…that doesn’t matter because people will judge you whichever way serves their own ego.

What matters is why we do what we do; and are we REALLY emotionally attuned to the potential outcomes of our sexual choices?

Are we APPRECIATING that everything we do offers ourselves and the other person more value – or repeatedly takes value from ourselves and others?

Are we even attuned to whether the man is actually emotionally invested in US – even if WE feel like we are emotionally invested enough to open up and sleep with HIM?

Being more attuned to our tension than to his true intentions

As a woman, like me, you might have felt that men tend to push for sex, sometimes, even the good ones can make you feel a little bit of that.

But the biggest concern I have for you is –

Are you attuned to a man’s true intentions and emotional feelings about YOU when you decide to have sex before you truly feel comfortable?

Or are you more attuned to the tension of; ‘I gotta have sex with him in case I lose his attention permanently.’?

Your body’s attunement to his actions and how they truly make you feel emotionally are FAR more valuable than your tension over losing him if you don’t have sex with him.

To live authentically, we might choose to courageously honour our deepest, truest desire

To live authentically, we might choose to courageously honour our deepest, truest desire.

The real question is – does your heart, deep down, want a totally devoted, committed and loving man who looks at you like there’s no other woman on earth? (permission to fall in a heap whilst admitting this, and you won’t be the only one).

If you say yes – and many women deny this true craving because they believe that this doesn’t really exist – but if you say YES – then, think about how men experience TRUST with women.

Why men CAN lose trust for women who have sex quickly

Why CAN men lose trust for women who have sex quickly?

I want to take that one step further.

Men can lose trust in women when we have sex before there is mutually felt emotional attraction; and preferably, investment on the man’s part. because, well, if he hasn’t had the TIME to develop emotional attraction towards you  – then, what value is presenting to him in that woman, from a man’s perspective?

He may perceive no long term mate value in her at all.

Simply short term value, perhaps.

I wrote an article a while back about when is the right time to have sex with a man, and I’m grateful, because it got good feedback. In that article, I mentioned that genuine attraction must be felt by both the man and the woman and it must be obvious – before we should be willing to sleep with a man.

That’s just my bias though. I very much respect that not everyone wants to make this choice – and I also respect that some women need to have certain experiences at certain times in their life – and that is just a part of their own evolution.

How devoted and loyal men test women in the dating market

How would a high mate value man TEST women in the dating market?

How would a devoted and loyal man test women in the dating market?

When high value men look to enter in to a committed relationship – KEY – COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP – he has a whole host of factors to test a woman for.

One important thing they must test for is a woman’s potential sexual faithfulness, and they must also test for a woman’s mate value.

The higher a woman’s mate value – generally, the less sexually accessible she is (for reference on this, see the book: Social Psychology and Human Sexuality 2001).

So, one test is how easily a woman lets herself be accessible sexually to HIM personally. And her reputation and body language and how she HOLDS herself will also give a man cues as to how faithful and loyal she will be to him in a relationship.

IF to HIM – it seems as though sex happened before he had a chance to build up attraction and investment in her – then, she’s just too untrustworthy; because his fear might be – if she can do it so quickly – she HAS this capacity; I’ve seen it an experienced it first hand.

And because of that – I fear putting my valuable, hard earned status and resources in to her – for the biological fear that I could be stupidly investing my resources in some other douchebag’s child.

Why should there be a difference in mate value based on sex being ‘easy’?

Why SHOULD there be a difference in mate value based on sex being ‘easy’?

Well, first of all, there doesn’t have to be a huge difference in our value if we have sex easily and a man’s value if HE has sex quickly and easily.

After all, my whole life, I didn’t see much value in promiscuous men and would never date one; unless of course, he presented with a lot of high mate value and I trusted him. That seemed so rare though.

In reality – men pay a price for promiscuity and so do women.

It’s just that the price we PAY – may be too close to our truest heart’s craving for us to ignore it and go for easy sex anyway.

Our price has a high cost in terms of how many layers of ‘masks’ and ‘blocking things out’ we might have to do in order to actually sleep around.

We sometimes have to protect our vulnerable heart’s true craving, in order to have sex with a man before it truly felt SAFE.

For instance, I have always wanted a man’s soul, his world, everything – if I denied that; I’d have to pretend I didn’t want that. That feels like shit.

EGGS VERSUS SPERM – the high and low value of each 

Eggs versus sperm – there’s a value difference in egg and sperm.

The real place all this taboo sexual judgement comes from is based on something very biological.

The value of eggs versus the value of sperm.

Of course, within the sexes, there’s less valuable eggs (according to men) and less valuable sperm (judged by women).

And, overall, sperm has little value in comparison to eggs; and eggs have higher value by nature.

Simply because of supply and demand.

Roughly 1,500 sperm are produced by a fertile man every second. (WOW!)

They want to get rid of it.

Just like a breastfeeding mother whose breasts become painfuly engorged with milk for her child – she has to get rid of it by feeding her baby to relieve the pressure of the milk.

Sperm is the same. It kinda just keeps getting produced, whether a man likes it or not. Women can eventually stop breastfeeding, but men, well, their sperm just keeps on ‘a comin, and the pressure needs to be relieved.

On the other hand, on average, each woman releases one luscious egg per menstrual cycle.

Kind of a big difference.

The pressure men feel to expel the excess sperm is almost daily – maybe several times a day for a young lad, but for women – her need to have sex depends on many things; not just the daily routine production of viable sperm.

For example, it depends on if she’s ovulating, if there’s a lot of female competition around, on dopamine and excitement, and on whether there’s a highly valuable male that really turns her on (comparatively rare).

The COST for either sex if conception occurs?

Well, if conception occurs and a baby is on the way; a woman is left totally vulnerable for the next 9 months at LEAST. Add on breastfeeding and the physical exhaustion for years afterwards when chasing a toddler.

If conception occurs – the only time a man is potentially valuable by default is WHEN he’s making the baby.

After that; whether he invests his resources depends on how much attraction there was, and it depends on how much he loves the woman and how invested he was before they conceived.

Also, it depends on his values as man, of course.

Some men are nice and stay with women simply because they feel that they have to – not because they are madly in love.

For information on the 2 traits of women that men routinely fall in love with, click here.

If women have sex quickly in a low value fashion it sends a low value message

So – if women have sex easily in a low value fashion; regardless of contraception – it still sends a message to high value male mates that she should be avoided for RELATIONSHIP.

Not sex. Relationhship.

It’s harder for her to get the devotion from a man; UNLESS there was investment and attraction from the man already established.

This poses an uncomfortable issue…(*purses mouth*)

What about the times when a woman actually WASN’T being “easy”?

But what about the times when a woman wasn’t actually being “easy”?

This is very hard for women, because, for those women that only sleep with a man – even quickly – when she genuinely feels an emotional connection with him – we may TOTALLY not be easy in our world because we love him – BUT – we very much risk losing a man’s TRUST.

This isn’t something to fear, it’s something to understand. Don’t forget that even if you feel sad about this – there are also many other men out there that you’ve made sad in the dating world with your female psychology.

It’s not a war – it’s about our genuine, heartfelt desire to put on a set of male glasses and feel their world.

She was a VIRGIN and he STILL thought she was easy?

She was a VIRGIN and he STILL thought she was easy?

Take this story (UNBELIEVABLE).

A reader of TheFeminineWoman once emailed us saying that she met a man online, and built up an emotional connection with him through online contact – even though they had not been on many dates before. She fell VERY hard for this nerdy, nervous man.

Then, she slept with him.

Then, he disappeared for a bit, and when they got in contact again, he said; “you seem like the kind of girl who does this a lot”.

She was a VIRGIN.

In her mid twenties.

So, in her own words, this lady ‘knows the art of not having sex’ – (to use her own words).

HE – this man she fell in love with, basically didn’t believe her and lost trust in her and well, he left.

In my mind, I would hope that he would have the ability to feel her heart and know that she possibly loved him – but that doesn’t change his biological tendencies as a male.

Now, there are other little details to this story, of course.

But the crucial details are:

1) This woman developed a strong enough emotional connection (in her mind, not necessarily reciprocated by the man), that she was willing to sleep with him even though she was a virgin.

2) This man lost trust in her for a long term committed relationship – meaning, he couldn’t bring himself to invest his resources in her, for the very basic, historical, biological fear that many men have – that he would risk utter humiliation and a total waste of his resources, because if she could sleep with him this quickly – then she could potentially do it with other men easily too.

3) the most IMPORTANT point: we need to be perceptive and attuned to a man’s level of emotional investment in US – EVEN if WE are feeling totally emotionally in love and involved. We need to feel him; and his level of emotional commitment. Not his level of lust. But his level of emotional COMMITMENT.

Get the down lo and tricks on HOW to do this here.

Wouldn’t men ideally be man enough to overcome this fear?

Sure, ideally, men would most definitely be man enough, self confident enough and attuned enough to overcome this fear – or perhaps not even fear; but the aversion to – committing to women who sleep with them quickly.

(As I see it – often, this is not even a fear for the man – because he never got invested enough in the woman to feel fear – it’s simply an objective decision on his part)

IDEALLY – even if we were ultimately promiscuous, a man would be man enough, alpha enough – to OWN our soul so much, that we would have no choice but to remain faithful to him, because he adds so much value to our life.

But – you know, ideally a lot of things…

Ideally this, ideally that.

What matters when we want commitment is our high value to MEN

What matters here is our value to MEN – as a mate – if we are looking for something committed, and if we are courageous enough to go with our true heart’s craving of having ALL of a man – to have him give us EVERYTHING – his soul, his time, his attention, his life, his money, his trust, his love, his devotion, his children – my gosh, EVERYTHING.

It’s gutsy to acknowledge that we want that and accept nothing less. That’s why many women don’t do it; it’s just; scary. And it’s scary because if we ask for total devotion; we have to give it right back. It’s a high standard of relating to a man. We have to be real.

So, in my silly observation, what happens is that – we play this silly game of sleeping with men because we don’t know how to ask for his soul.

Or maybe, just maybe we sleep with men because we really wanted to.

We have a right to do that. There’s a thing called contraception and equal opportunity.

But – well, biology still exists in men.

Their forefathers conditioned their own DNA to look and seek out high mate value women for long term investment and commitment.

Ultimately, it is your choice.

If you haven’t watched the Commitment Masterclass yet, click here to register for FREE!

  • Hanna Schmitz

    This bitch is crazy.
    We need to get back to our roots.
    It actually pays for women to have multiple partners.
    Americans are so depressed.
    Down with the oppressive so called fake patriarchy.

  • disqus_GB8lUuziuG

    Men also will go find out about her past. If she goes to bed quickly with other men but not with him then she is NOT a keeper.

    If she gives herself away to men she doesn’t care about but expects the man she wants to raise her children with to wait, that tells the man she is either damaged, toxic, or lying to get his resources. In any case it’s never a good thing when you have to wait for what she gave other men easily.

  • alex

    Dumb dumb dumb. Most men are easy and they share sexual conquests for bragging rights. Theyre obnoxious whores. Yet somehow you bitches still trust them and practice cognitive dissonance to not only trust him anyway even though he wants sex quivkly, but also hold a double standard for women. Men are shit but women are you are stupid.

  • Pleiadian Observer

    In 2016 at age 18 the majority of women in western countries are less likely to be virgins than more likely to be virgins. This article might have had more validity if it were published 100 years ago.
    Feminists have degraded women, [women who aren’t feminists hold patriarchal sympathies] to the point that femininity is deplored and equality the aspiration. Women no longer want to be feminine, some want to ape men. Good luck with that.
    Sorry but I dont want to get into bed with another man. My choice! If I wanted equality I would be gay! Women cannot force a notion of equality with men on men. Men will reject that notion of equality as false and self serving.
    Women will reacquire value when they start to once again accept the differences between the sexes as opposed to mouthing off about equality which is never going to be attainable.

  • The Truth IsIn Logic

    Attraction is a social construct, so that nullifies half of your ideas, trust and security are core to any girls decision, although ofcourse, it can change with an aggressive guy, which increases his chances to getting what he wants as females battle inner conflict from puberty, the whole no means no saying means more than most would like it to mean, but in a feminist society, females use their weaknesses prevail.

  • iAmProtoss

    Well first off, this entire article is invalid because you’re a feminist. That means I actually have to listen to you during sex….

  • ryan

    Yeeeeehaaw! Like minded women.

    Sure, I could get sex from attractive easy women. I have 7-8 looks, 135 IQ, and the kind, genuine personality quality women demand. But if I get the impression the woman is CLEARLY not relationship material, I turn down flirtation and occasionally straight-up advances.

    Just last week – teasing everybody with her butt while dancing, not so subtly. Very revealing clothes, a beautiful woman. I caught her looking at me several times, later in the night we were introduced. I know by the way she presented herself, that I could have escalated the situation – but I was just polite instead. What do I have to gain by involving myself with someone like her? A feeling of regret, or worse, starting to have feelings for her when my mind already saw her love of voyeurism. As if that wouldn’t rear its ugly head later down the line!

    I’ve been talking to a few older women, asking them how to spot the good ones and avoid the scandalous ones. I am learning to think only with the head above my shoulders. That can feel like a novel concept at first. And one that is shamed in male circles, mind you. But.. fuck ’em.

    I no longer partake in sex, and it is not ideal. I thought you quality women would like to know there are good lovers sitting on the sidelines – forsaking all the ‘fucking’ to stay emotionally healthy and STI-free – waiting for someone special.

    I don’t believe in God but if I did, I’d ask him for a feminine woman who treats sex as somewhat sacred (even if she has been with 10s of guys in her past, it’s where she is now that matters). With her I could feel special and privileged, and hopefully never get a sense she is giving up “her fun” to be with me.

  • Hmmmmmmmm …

    I couldn’t even finish reading this. I am a woman who grew up with quite a bit of attention. Generally within society’s current opinion of attractive, well educated, charming, and successful. I think in life some people have it made very obvious that they are thought of as more than an easy lay, but a desirable partner. I have a boyfriend, likely to be my husband some day. He is well loved, attractive, owns a successful business, we share so many tastes as well of visions of the future together. We both provide for ourselves perfectly fine alone, but are better together. Here’s where I find problems with some of your observations (though, as I said, I couldn’t read it all) – he has no desire to be with another woman. Actually, I know he has thoughts but in no way would act on them because he would not like the way it would make him feel while he has me. He is without a doubt a one woman kind of man. Our sex life is amazing, but I want more. Not better, and not casual, I am attracted to men and grow a relationship with some due to different interests. Broadway shows, outdoor activities, concerts, restaurants, dancing – all things I do with my boyfriend as well, but just enjoy certain other people’s passions for them too. Men I’ve cultivated affectionate relationships with for years! He knows I feel this way, it has not been expressly accepted, but I’m fairly certain we will reach an arrangement of a hybrid relationship opening me up, yet not him. In looking for similar stories, all I can find are things assuming it is the man who is looking, allowed or not, for sexual freedom. Women can, and often are, much more than an “easy get” and make great partners, but would like to be discreet on the side. Are women just less honest about this? Hide it more? I could keep behaving that way, but it seems out of date. I can not be the only woman who feels this way!!!

  • MaximusX67

    I feel very sorry for any women who give any credence to an article such as this ….. so fucking obnoxious.

    Why NOT have casual hookups? I mean, maybe don’t be a complete whore …. but that’s the same for men too. As much as men may think bragging is cool, any dude who bangs any girl he meets is definitely looked at in a different, negative light by most people. Same for women. But casual hook ups and/or friends with bene’s is fantastic and I recommend it to both men and women! Life is way too short to get caught up in slut/no slut comments. When you are 40 … 50 …. 60 + nobody will ever care if anyone even remembers. Regardless, just have FUN and do what makes you happy. If hook ups with guys you like makes YOU happy – and you aren’t looking for ‘Mr. Right’ at the moment either ….. fucking ENJOY yourself!!

    I can’t stand feminist bullshit propaganda nor any other propaganda in which people are made to feel bad about themselves for any reasons. The hypocrisy of the matter is that these same do-good’rs who preach and preach on and on and on (without anyone soliciting THEIR thoughts on it anyway – 0_o) will condemn people for shaming others for being fat … or skinny …. or tall ….. or short ….. a woman …. etc …. BUT will stand on their soapbox and CONDEMN YOU for doing what makes you happy, such as casual hookups and whatnot.

    I mean – if casual hookups is not your thing, cool, then don’t do it. But, if it is your thing, don’t listen to these hypocrites trying to ‘shame’ you on something like this. They are blowhards with nothing better to do.

  • Veritas

    “Every man wants a virgin whose a whore.” Yes, the quote is a little profane, but the truth it states is timeless. Chastity is prized extremely high for men in all times and places, it is just human nature. No man wants a woman who has been used by other men, although with such slim pickings in this toxic cesspool that is still called civilization, he may have to settle for minimal damage at most. The quote implies that the man wants someone who is sexually adventurous in bed, but ONLY with him. He does not prize experience, that is not what is required but rather the willingness and love that induces such behavior. If she is sexually adventurous in bed due to past liaisons then this is a huge turn off.

    Where women get confused is because men do want a promiscuous women if they are looking for a fling, just dating, or a girlfriend. If they think your a promiscuous women then their objective will be to sleep with you as soon as possible and with the least amount of hassle. Men will not say anything judgmental about women’s purity because this will backfire tremendously on his intentions. Rather, he will normalize and encourage loose and skanky behavior because this works in his favor. He will shun virginity in women because calling you a prude will have the psychological effect of making you go to bed with him faster to prove you are not one and to keep him around. Men have completely different criteria in women when they are looking for a quick sexual outlet and novel experience than when they are looking for love (even love is fine as long as its temporary and he can move on), marriage, lifelong devotion, form a family, and be the mother of his children. A real man is not interested in devoting his life to a woman who has given others her most prized asset for a much cheaper prize. This is a fool’s bargain. Men naturally detest promiscuity in women but encourage it for their own self-interest in the short term.

    Maybe some men are brainwashed with the current politically correct culture that programs them from kindergarten that a woman is modern if she sleeps around and that is normal. I suppose the loose women can hope for this case but I think its similar to men hoping that modern woman are brainwashed enough to agree to let him be submissive, indecisive, not go to work, and not fight to protect her and the family. It is in written in nature and nature is hard to resist.

  • The Girl

    Dear Renee,

    I made a disqus just to thank you for writing this article. I wish I had access to it when I was a little younger. Now at the age of only 21 I have slept with my 10th man and been dumped by my 10th man. It’s not just about the things you listed so well above. It’s about the emotional effect being “pumped and dumped” so many times, as a woman. I have given so much in every way for every person I’ve dated, and helped some of them out beyond what even their best male friends did, but It didn’t matter because I gave it up too easily. I dated a couple of people in the same social circle and I got a reputation. As such, it didn’t matter how faithful I was, how much fun I was to be around, how easy going it was. I would eventually be replaced by someone who these guys would have the audacity to complain about to me later, yet keep committing to. Why? Because those girls had more respect for their bodies.

    Theoretically I could start over once I finish university, but then what kind of girlfriend would I be? The thought of intimacy now makes me feel ill (started way before reading this by the way, not because of this article at all). I wouldn’t be able to be a good girlfriend, how can I withhold from a new boyfriend what I gave so easily to others? The whole situation has left me in a frustrated state, and has exacerbated my depression unbearably. Besides, where I live, most people I know are in relationships. There’ll be barely anyone single left.

    I wish I’d come across this sooner. But hopefully, some 16-18 year old girl who is getting confused and curious by her friends having casual sex might see this and not make the same mistakes I did. I would have been a lot happier had I followed this advice.

    Kind regards.

  • Gavin John

    I was in a relrelationship for ten years with my first girlfriend, I work with the merchant marines and was away at sea, Last November she made me meet her mother to talk about getting married, even in December she made me meet her mother just before I left. In Feb she was doing a thesis on depression, and ended up getting depressed herself, She started blaming me for all sorts of things, We would fight on and off, i was at sea and keeping in touch was also difficult, This june she broke up with me and found a guy on tinder, I came back home and went to her house, she was asleep and I went through her phone, I saw a conversation between her and a guy in which she told him that she was with another guy the previous week but he wanted more than just sex so she cut him lose.

    The next day i saw her go out with another guy, i confronted her, she made me leave, She then left with this complete stranger to his house and had sex. Everything just fell apart, Off course there is a lot more that even i did wrong, but This is the kinda the basic outline. I dont want her to get hurt in all this madness.

  • Andres

    I think conception should be first on this list. STD’s should be up there too. Not ready, or not wanting a child, and becoming pregnant can be devastating. Likewise, not knowing your partner well enough to know if it’s safe to have sex with them. Just my opinion.

    • Bongstar420

      There is no good reason for any female to get pregnant “accidentally” unless republicans get their way.

      At the moment, I doubt there is a city with more than 10,000 people not giving out free birth control and condoms somewhere.

  • Xabi

    Excuse me about my poor english, but I think is important to acknowledge what I’m going to say.

    Of course as I man I know there is some truth in this. But let me tell you, I would feel very insulted if a woman who gave it easy to other men in the past, now chooses to play the “hard to get” game with me. A huge, huge turn off. I would see her as a manipulative bitch that considers me less a man than her other lovers. No way.

    So, if in a first date, a woman in his 30s says something like “I’m not that kind of woman”, “I never have sex on the first date”, and blablabla… What do you think, that I’m stupid? That I would think that this woman who is in her 30s, who went to college, who travelled around the world never hooked up? Come on…

    Sorry, but no. If you are not a virgin, or a woman with very few lovers, don’t play that game. Maybe you will fool some people, but not the smartest men. Try to be honest with who you are, and open. And if you are genuine, maybe you will have a chance, or maybe not. But I would never commit to a dishonest and manipulative woman.

    • Lenny25

      my words my words. this happen on daily basis. when you are Decent looking, young, good height and salary you get to witness tons of bullshit from such women. When some women meet what i would say “a catch” man all of a sudden they start claiming chastity. on their best behaviors, cooking and buying you gifts and shit all in the hope to win you over lol i just be laughing my ass off.

  • jessa

    Once again it’s all the women’s fault. *rolls my fucking eyes*

  • Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

    Horrible advice ^^

    No matter what mistakes Jay may or may not have made, a person can always learn & improve.

    • Lenny25

      I was hoping you were going to offer something better. Toodleo is actually right. and he said nothing about not improving. had you opened them eyes you would have come up with a better comment but ” they rarely pay attention. learn and improve but you don’t have to disclose all this info to anyone. every guy thinks like this. “you’ve had a bunch of one night stands and now you want him to wait and invest as tho you are a virgin. that’s manipulation. putting all this front to rail him into a relationship. considering when a woman decides to be exclusive with a man it’s because he’s that good enough. so she benefits from the relationship. whether financially or emotionally which explain all this feigning.

  • Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

    “quality men outnumber quality women 20 to 1,”

    Curious where you’re getting that number from?

  • Tim Hansen

    Please stop telling people how to live their life, and stop assuming that what you consider to be the best for you is also the best for others.

  • Unreal

    Unless you’re gay, you as a man are in no position to tell a bunch of women what makes men “valuable.” No more than you would want women telling you what you should value in women.

  • Unreal

    “problem is quality men outnumber quality women 20 to 1”

    ROTFLMAO