Signs of an alpha male. What are they? The following are 5 examples of signs he is NOT an alpha male. We will talk about what an alpha male would do instead.
When considering the signs of an alpha male, it’s important to remember the actual usefulness of the framework of the “alpha male”, because this framework of “alpha” gets abused quite a bit.
The framework of alpha and beta ONLY has value in a group setting. Taking it outside of a group setting, it usually has little value.
An alpha male, in the right context, could give off signs of a feminine man, as could a beta male! No alpha male is fully devoid of feminine energy, and nor should he be.
Just because a guy isn’t alpha in one social group, doesn’t mean that he won’t be alpha in another social group.
If there were too many people trying to lead the group in different directions, then the group splits up.
Beware of these if you are in a long-term Relationship!
If you are in a long term relationship right now, take these 5 indicators lightly.
They do not apply to you all the time. Because when you spend THAT much time with someone, you realise that we all have moments where we slip in to different roles.
Additionally, a guy may give off alpha male energy most of the time, nonetheless, he might have done something a few times that indicated he was a beta male, and that is totally fine.
No guy, not even an alpha male husband who is committed to his wife, should feel forced to seem alpha all of the time.
And if a woman were to try to expect that from her man…I’d consider that to be somewhat abusive. (Click here to complete the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?)
So, switching from alpha male energy to beta male energy in particular contexts is normal.
It’s supposed to happen! Especially in this modern world where we are often meeting new people and social groups, and our standing in the social group is unknown, at least to begin with.
And that is normal, and natural and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just like you show up in your masculine energy sometimes, no matter how beautifully feminine or motherly you are 80% of the time.
What is an Alpha Male?
In today’s day and age, because most of us do not live in tribes anymore, the alpha male might not be as OBVIOUS, so that’s why I believe signs are more important.
Thousands (even millions) of years ago, it was obvious who the alpha male was; he was the guy who lead the tribe, who got the pick of ALL the women, and fathered many children.
But of course, other men hated that because they didn’t get the opportunity to pass on their genes.
It meant that one man commandeered all the female reproductive resources. Think of male elephant seals. Anywhere between 86%-99% of male elephant seals actually die virgins.
We are humans, not male elephant seals. But what happens with male elephant seals still applies when looking at how our male ancestors passed (or did not pass) on their genes.
So of course, the society we have today works MUCH better for most of us. It works better because we can be unemployed and still pass on our genes.
Hell, we can live off the government, be on drugs, and still pass on our genes.
Yet; as a woman, you can feel whether a man has signs of an alpha male, can’t you?
Here is how I define an Alpha Male
In today’s day and age, signs that a man is an alpha male are signs that he has a strong direction (and therefore a strong masculine energy).
In social or group situations, he is not afraid to stick to his direction, to be dominant and to hold his ground. And he does it in an intelligent way. That means that he doesn’t just go around picking fights for no reason.
Just because a man is an alpha male doesn’t mean he can’t have a well developed feminine energy, too. Remember that! It means that he’s more multi-dimensional.
Dominant, BUT in what Way?
Now for some men, they’ll be the ‘dominant asshole’, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing; it depends how he shows up as that asshole. And some women still like this type of man, and it works for them, which is great!
Or, you get the (rare) enlightened man who is spiritual and still very clearly alpha; or has a strong masculine energy. These men are rare; and it takes a well developed feminine energy to appreciate them.
And sometimes, it’s hard to tell what man is what, so that’s where some indicators come in really handy!
Here are the 5 indicators that a man is not an “Alpha Male”:
Alpha male sign 1) He often talks in a way that puts other people down.
Alpha males lead their tribe, rather than pulling them down.
For me, there really is no faster indication that this man has a very weak masculine energy. Talking badly about people sometimes is ok and sometimes necessary, especially if those people deserve it.
But if a man has a repetitive habit of tearing other men down, that’s a sign that he doesn’t have a strong direction, and that he’s not a leader.
The reason why this is a sure-fire indicator that a man is not an alpha male is because alpha males are far more centred and focused than that.
If he has a pattern of always looking for ways to put others down indirectly or directly, it just shows his lack of ability to focus and the clear sign that he has crippling low self esteem.
Men who have a sense of mission, and who are focused, don’t have the brain space to look for ways to gossip and talk about how other people are less than, or are losers.
Plus, lengthy discussion for bonding and passing on information or gossip is something women do. Yes, men can gossip too in times where it’s necessary for a purpose. But most masculine men don’t need it, thrive on it or require it to feel good about themselves.
Sure, sometimes we all have to gossip and maybe tell it like it is; but there’s a difference between telling it like it is and having most of what comes out of your mouth be a put down or criticism of other people.
Alpha male sign 2) Other women don’t pay attention to him when he speaks
The key is to notice whether other women are or aren’t interested in listening to him when he speaks.
Think of alpha males as the male who has the strong direction. Most women subconsciously pick up pretty quickly on which man is worth listening to, and trusting.
Their attention will go toward the alpha male moreso. Even if the difference between the time spent giving the alpha male attention versus giving the other men attention is not huge.
The man who is most worth trusting and listening to in a social setting is the alpha male. This is because he leads the group with his integrity and strength of masculine energy.
He’s not there to ‘take’, he’s there to add value and lead with integrity.
An alpha male more often than not, has the ability to engage people and is not afraid to engage people. Always take a man out with some of your girlfriends. Firstly; if he cares about you; he won’t avoid it.
If he just wants sex, he’ll try to avoid it. If he comes along, observe what he’s like with your friends.
It’s not a secret that if a man is talking, and a few women are standing around looking at him, his attractiveness to women automatically goes up.
Studies have proven this, and it is in the subconscious female mind.
It’s a kind of ‘pre-selection’. Ie: other women are willing to give him the time of day, other women like him, which raises his value to women overall. Which means A LOT in the female mind when it comes to choosing the best man.
Alpha male Sign 3) He seeks approval.
A big one.
Any alpha male with a strong masculine energy will listen to a woman’s opinion, but just take it in to consideration.
An alpha male is so strong in his choices; and he is so stable in his own choices (ie: his truth, through his well developed sense of direction).
His innate sense of masculine direction hasn’t been quashed (by parents, society or the schooling system). As such, his direction is so strong that other people’s opinion only count for so much. HIS choices matter the most.
Remember the distinguishing factor between an ‘alpha’ and a ‘beta’? His direction.
Most masculine souls venture out as children (if they are securely attached and don’t fear abandonment) and explore.
I have two sons, and my oldest son is always exploring, but always on the edge. He’s always, always going further, living close to death. (The masculine knows more about death).
This makes other parents uncomfortable at times (because, for example at playgrounds, he challenges himself physically in ways that other parents wouldn’t let their kids challenge themselves).
See this example below…
If I acted from my own convenience, I would try to stop him. I tried many times, before I learned that he is so headstrong that if I kept forcing him to stop, he would come to resent me.
And thank goodness he is that “thick skinned” and headstrong, because it’s allowed him to discover, learn and accomplish a lot for himself even as a fresh 7 year old boy.
Plenty of parents (and especially schools) do stop boys from fully exploring and developing their sense of direction.
It is something I have chosen not to do. As I refuse to let my sons be crippled by rules that would truncate their masculine expression (and especially, their sense of masculine direction).
The school system and our politically correct society is good at crushing the masculine direction. Many boys (or men) manage to maintain this direction nonetheless, thank goodness.
Nonetheless, many don’t come out of it with their innate sense of masculine direction in tact. And so, they lose their natural ability to be the alpha male where it’s relevant to be so. Instead, they’re always waiting on someone else’s direction; someone else’s orders.
If he’s seeking approval from other women especially, then observe carefully.
The way I learned this was through my ex. This is a very extreme example. It’s almost….too weird to share. But I’m ok with that.
I used to have to reassure him that his jeans looked ok on him. Not once. Not even twice, and no, not three times, but over and over again! Yikes!
See, I know what a bad idea it is to be the man in a relationship when it isn’t natural for you (and it definitely wasn’t natural for me). Thank Goodness I now know better. (read my article about how to get out of your painful relationship now.)
Alpha male Sign 4) He never knows where his keys and wallet are.
Ok so I know this seems a bit silly. However, in some contexts, this can be very telling.
How would you trust a man who never knows where his keys and wallet are?
You can test this out with a (literal) and fun test, if you are far along enough in the dating process to be able to do this. Have his back turned to where his keys and wallet are and in a playful voice; ask him: “without looking around, where are your keys? And also where is your wallet?”
Are you wondering what this has to do with anything?
Well, a lot! Think about it….masculine energy is very directed. A man can’t be a an alpha male and have strong direction if he’s all wishy washy.
He certainly can’t be a hunter, fight at war, or take charge of anything if his mind and eyes are lazy and wandering all over the place. He has to have some sort of direction.
I don’t care how long ago men were hunters; it is in their DNA. Males have (over the course of millions and millions of years) trained themselves to properly and efficiently hunt.
And a man who is mostly living in his masculine energy and who has a strong masculine energy, will know where he keeps his keys. Why? Because his keys are the reason he can GO or drive anywhere, in the direction he wants to go.
If he loses things all the time; do you feel good? Do you trust him? Or do you just think he’s cute, like a sweet little teddy bear?
Remember that masculine energy is directional and linear. It knows where it’s going; and if it doesn’t, it finds out, or pretends to know. At least for that moment.
A man with a weaker masculine energy most of the time; won’t mind you telling him where to go, and he’ll relax and enjoy that.
An alpha male or a very masculine man will probably ignore you instead if you tried. And thank goodness! (finally, a man you can respect!)
Alpha male Sign 5) The complainer.
You already knew that in your gut though, didn’t you?
The man who complains about work, about his boss, about his ex, about his mother, and his father.
Men are perfectly entitled to complain every now and then. They are humans after all. But sometimes some men would rather complain than to trust their own ability to do something about the situation. That’s telling! (about their sense of direction).
And too much complaining just doesn’t get the job done.
The man who has a bad shoulder injury and suddenly all he can talk about is the shoulder injury for the next 20 years. Oh, and ENJOYS telling the story of how bad it is and how it happened over and over and over and over and over again.
Complaints complaints complaints.
So…..Where or when does he have any time to actually take the problem at hand and deal with it?
Well, he’s not even looking to deal with the problem. He just wants to blurt a bunch of complaints out. Good for him! But maybe not so good for you if you want a passionate relationship with him.
Not solving a problem would intuitively bother a masculine alpha male
Not solving the problem would make many men feel like less of a man. So they wouldn’t usually gravitate towards complaining as their natural happy place.
I was grateful to finally find a man who didn’t complain, after dating just a few men in my life.
Looking at my husband’s personality, I cannot remember even once where he complained about anything.
And of course, I admire him for it, and I know that if he did happen to complain about something, then it’s definitely something that I need to address, because he’s not droning on all the time.
When I realised he didn’t actually complain – like, ever, it was like a huge light bulb went off in my head (and in my heart).
This taught me A LOT about the past men I dated, and why I felt less trust in them, and consequently wanted to always take charge and be the man in the relationship.
And, the best thing about this is that I can trust him to be a man. so I can relax and be a woman. If you’re looking for a passionate relationship where you are taken care of, this is an important one, so look out for it!
Before I found my husband, some men used to try to lure me in by telling me how bad their ex girlfriend was and sometimes they would even talk about how they don’t have enough sex with them.
Remember, alpha males add value…
Alpha males don’t do this (at least not as a strategy to try to get closer to you or get sex with you), because they intuitively understand that that is value extracting behaviour.
They were random, inauthentic attempts to get my attention. No thanks! Next!
By the way – it’s not that a man can never complain, of course they can.
It’s whether or not they have a pattern of going to complaining and that pattern strips them of their sense of capability and courage as a man.
At the end of the day, an alpha male needs to lead his tribe – and complaining usually won’t get that job done, especially in high stress situations.
(By the way, I’ve just published my brand new program titled “Becoming His One & Only!”…Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)
There are a lot of other indicators that a man is not an Alpha Male.
Have you experienced any of these signs with the men you’ve dated? Share it with us! Do you have any comments to add to the mix? Leave a comment below sharing it with us. 🙂
And one last thing: If you are looking for ways to screen out immature men, I can give you all the right questions to ask a man to test him and how good his character is, click here to check Understanding Men program.
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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