Why Do Men Really Fall For Drama Queens

Article updated 2020.

Do Men REALLY Hate Drama?

What does it cost you to just accept the conventional wisdom that:

“Men don’t like drama.”

Well, I can suggest this: it costs you one or all of these two things:

1) The ability to express your authentic feelings to a man because you’re afraid he will run, thinking you are a “drama queen”. Pretending everything is ok rarely makes everything ok, does it?

2) It costs you a very important part of yourself: the drama queen part of you that actually makes things/problems/events BIGGER than they really are.

With number 2? It’s in the nature of the feminine energy to make things BIGGER. You didn’t need me to tell you that.

Otherwise, where did the words “drama queen” come from?

Do you know who ACTUALLY hates drama from women? Or uses the term “drama queen” as a way of putting a woman down?

Women.

And that’s two types of women:

The first type: the woman who thinks she needs to be strong, tough, STRAIGHT, right, ‘head screwed on’, ‘never needy’ and totally awesomely LIKED by all men. But, usually, in a relationship with none of them (alarm bells?).

The second type: The women who HATES other women for being drama queens, when really, they just feel jealous or threatened inside.

Why?

Well, because they perceive that drama queens steal attention from them. Or perhaps that drama queens are getting attention: something they don’t feel they have.  The drama queens seem to get all the attention. Doesn’t mean it’s a good type of attention, but it’s still attention.

Might I suggest, it’s WOMEN who perpetuate the idea that men don’t like drama. And we’re good at it, aren’t we?

After all, if we keep telling all our friends not to be drama queens, then we can reserve some of the attention for ourselves. And, TALKING and bitching about another person who is a drama queen in effect, is still bringing attention to ourselves, right? It’s just from a different person. (read my article about boring women)

There’s a purpose to being a drama queen:

There’s a purpose for why the feminine energy actually makes things bigger: it’s because people pay attention when you dramatise things. The Anthropologist Helen Fisher has said in her book ‘Why We Love’, that tears actually serve a purpose. It’s very hard to fake crying, according to Helen Fisher, and it serves a purpose because historically, when women are upset, and crying, people would come to their aid, and the tribe would not like that one of their women is not happy (one unhappy woman can affect dozens of others in a group, wouldn’t you agree?) and they would rally together with that woman and get revenge.

On the other hand: when there were no laws, the MALE way of dealing with pain in a relationship (especially when he’s been cuckolded) is to kill. Women kill and abuse men too. However, most of the time, women’s retaliation is more inconspicuous and complicated than that.

Women use tears, bitching, dramatising. Also, a lot of a woman’s pain, anger or hurt is expressed through the way she ignores or doesn’t ignore someone – in the way she hands them a cup of tea or a glass of water. DRAMA.

And, it works.

It serves an evolutionary purpose. That’s why we women are sometimes so annoyed by it (because we are naturally compelled to react to it) and also so driven by it.

I’d suggest to you that it’s much like hearing a baby cry. If you’re anything like me, you can’t help but respond to it by either wanting to take care of it, coo to it, or get irritated by it. Babies don’t have such high pitched wails for no reason. It’s so that we would do something to stop them from wailing, otherwise it will drive us crazy if it keeps going.

What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…

Feminine energy NEEDS Attention to shine

Feminine energy NEEDS attention to shine. If we don’t have it from a man, we look for it. What we FEEL we don’t have, we seek out. The LESS attention we have, the more we want it, and the more desperate we can seem to get it. (Note: often, we already have attention, we just don’t think we do, or we take it for granted).

Related post: What to Do If He Takes You for Granted

On the other hand, if you were to say to a frown, masculine man: “YOU need more attention!” he’d be confused, back off, or be OFFENDED. Annoyed. I did say masculine man. Lots of young boys or men still crave attention (perhaps from the people they feel they never got it from), but the masculine energy doesn’t thrive on attention; it thrives on challenge.

See, masculine men make things smaller.

Ever tried to tell a man your problems and he cuts you off short and says “well, just do this.” or “well, why did you do THAT?” or “Why don’t you change this?” Problem solved, right?

No! Problem not solved! Not at least in the mind of a feminine woman. (Click here to take the quiz “How Feminine Am I Actually?”)

Good or Bad Attention?

Now, the attention that drama queens get – is it a good attention?

Not if you’re dramatising things because you want validation all the time. Because then people just feel like you want to TAKE from them.

Not if you’re doing it because you want to take. Not if you’re doing it because what you’ve learned along the way is that you can get attention around the CLOCK if you’re dramatising and making out that there is something wrong all the time.

I don’t blame you, I have made this mistake, and it’s a mistake that’s easy to make when you’re feeling down and don’t want to get yourself out of the rut.

But, hey, if you always reject the drama queen inside you, then who’s going to take care of her? Nobody, right?

If you reject her completely, then how can you have any fun at all? How can you be real?

This drama queen of yours; she’ll just be sitting in the corner, feeling unloved, and feeling unappreciated. And most of all: feeling judged. And feeling worthless. (Click here to get your “Goddess Report”)

What I really don’t want you to do, is reject the part of you that is a drama queen. We all have one. The longer you suppress it, the more ‘tight’, rigid, and controlling your whole aura will be to men. Because you’re spending all the energy just making a part of yourself wrong. (read my article on passive aggressive women)

So do some men hate drama queens?

Some men don’t like drama queens, yes. But only if they don’t understand it. Only if they don’t get that the feminine energy makes things bigger, and more serious than they are. Those men can be frustrating to deal with because they don’t want to understand your feelings, they just want to get the conversations over with ASAP.

So if you are wondering how a man could fall for a drama queen at all, and how “drama” can actually serve your relationship, I’ll give you a good example. Julia Roberts in the movie The Mexican. It’s a funny scene at the start of the movie, you can check it out here:

What men really hate – and it’s not Drama

What do men really hate?

They hate being a scratching post for gossip and hateful talk that doesn’t make them feel like you care. That doesn’t actually involve you giving him any energy, or trust, or openness.

When he’s in the living room, and you enter, not even looking at him, talking in the opposite direction about a woman at work who is a total bitch to you and how much you wish she would leave the office and never come back (how does that involve him again? How does that even involve your relationship together?)

A man wants to feel YOU. If he’s your man. If he likes you at all.

And the thing men really hate is feeling like you are just taking from them. Just blaming him without giving him any energy or openness about your feelings. Just taking, taking, taking.

The solution?

Express yourself, express your real, raw, emotions, whilst being totally THERE with him. Involve him. Don’t BLAME him and therefore SEPARATE you both.

Make it so he knows you’re a part of him, a part of the team and that yes, you might actually need him around. That he is important to you.

TELL him you’re hurt, that when that happened it made you feel afraid, unloved, ANGRY, shocked.

I’ll tell you a secret: men like your authentic expression of emotions, even if your emotions seem out of control – IF they understand it and IF they are attracted to you.

Why?

Because, it means she is invested in HIM.

Here’s the best way to look at it: what’s the first thing you do when you lose interest in a man? You stop caring. You stop investing any emotion in HIM. So you ignore him, stop replying to texts, or just use him for company every now and then.

If you struggle expressing your feelings with men, then here’s an article on how to be vulnerable without being NEEDY. Just to help you understand the true distinction between high value vulnerability and low value vulnerability.

And there’s also a very helpful video by my husband on High Value Vulnerability, explaining why it is the one specific emotional trigger that all men are hardwired to commit to – for life. You can get access to it here.

What if you’re still in the first 3 months of dating a man?

If you’ve only had a few dates with a man, don’t think you’re entitled to a whole bunch of attention just yet.

Remember what the point of dating is?  It is to build attraction and connection. We teach you how to do that in our home study program Commitment Control 2.0. You can also register to watch our FREE Commitment Masterclass by clicking here.

Don’t be like a lot of women who feel desperate: act like a man should be committed to you after the first date and if he doesn’t call you 5 times THAT week, that he is “making excuses” or “avoiding you” or “being selfish”.

It takes time to EARN the opportunity and the right to be that dramatic. It has to be an organic progression.

You need to prove your high value to him first, when you are dating. That’s the task for both men and women when they are dating. It’s not dependent on sex – it’s just the way we learn who is worth our time, energy and investment for the long-term.

If you don’t like the idea that we all need to show our high value first before we expect anything back, I have a gentle suggestion: don’t attempt to be in a relationship with a man. Don’t even bother with them. Just be by yourself. (which never works out, by the way, because deep down, we all crave the joy of being in a relationship with lots of attraction and connection). After all, he has to prove HIS value to you, too.

One more example…

And, some of the most popular and well-loved movies of all time are based around a dramatic storyline. Take the movie Vicki Cristina Barcelona for example. Penelope Cruz’s character was very dramatic. She was an extreme example of an emotional woman. But she’s also endearing, on some level. We can relate to her even if some of us hate her because we can’t stand the thought of being that out of control.

It’s interesting that in the movie, her ex still kept allowing her back in to his life and rescued her and spoke to lovingly of her even after they broke up. It’s not because men always love dealing with the drama; it’s because as imperfect as she seemed, she was still real and authentic to herself.

This is not to say that you should aim to be like her character in every way. After all, she’s an extreme example. But the way he took care of her gives you an idea that even a woman of that level of emotional crazy managed to secure this man’s (Javier Bardem the actor’s) emotional commitment for some time.

I think there’s a message in that.

If you think it’s just a movie and that it’s fictional – spare me. All movies (even fictional storylines) are based on life as it is.

If you liked this article, leave me a comment below telling me what you think! -XxX-

By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. 

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Stacy
Stacy

Love your work, it worked! He’s more in love than ever. Thank you.

Truth Is
Truth Is

Attention seekers, and these women have a very low IQ altogether.

Nailed It!
Nailed It!

I’m sorry but this is wrong. Men, not boys, hate drama. Boys love it because they still think TV is real life. Also, men LOVE gossip, lol. They are actually bet best sources of gossip because no one expects them to spread it.

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

You said, “After all, he has to prove your value to you, too.”

I’m not sure I understand this sentence. It’s his job to prove your value to yourself?

Did you mean, “he has to prove his value to you, too”?

Michelle
Michelle

I think men like a small amount of drama in women because they find it endearing. I wouldn’t call myself a drama queen because I’m extremely honest with my husband. However I understand what Renee’s talking about. She’s not saying that we should purposely be more dramatic just to manipulate, she’s saying to just be ourselves, which is sometimes more dramatic. My husband has commented about how funny I am for living entirely in the moment. If we have one bad day after a month of getting along, I exaggerate and act like we are falling apart and headed for… Read more »

Brandon
Brandon

A little drama is fine, but too much of drains all the fun out of the relationship. I’ve had my share of who women who thrive on conflict and always has one issue after another. They’re wired to subconsciously crave the “excitement” of their dramatic lives, I guess.

Dangerous Internet Sea Otter

men hate drama. period.

however most men just end up stuck with drama. whether it be through children or marriage. it’s pointless and annoying. it’s just some shit that comes with women.

Emma
Emma

It was really interesting to read this, especially because I am drama queen internally, but when it comes to the relationships, I usually sublime these feelings and try to be cool. But I want to write something that always confused me, about my best friend and her relationship. She was in the long-term relationship with very wonderful guy. I always knew her as a very nice and kind girl, but when I moved to another town (where she lived) I spent a month at their place. I literally was shocked with her behavior. She wasn’t just drama queen, she was… Read more »

Proudly Aqua
Proudly Aqua
Reply to  Emma

As far as I am concerned men like drama. I dont know about bitchy tho. .my ex wasnt only cheating with someone who was literally mad but when I read their messages, I had to ask if hé was ok. ?? M’y dear, in as much as everyone wants to argue with this article, I get her point. Just bé yourself. There’s nothing as bad as subduing your personality for someone and getting ditched for something meaningless. Thé Funny thing about your Guy is hé may have married thé girl of 3 months but I hope hé doesnt keep running… Read more »

Brandon
Brandon

I’m a man. I understand drama queens, I still hate them. Most men do, the only reason you see them hooking up with drama queens is because they are the easiest lays.

TheRealTruth
TheRealTruth

More like drama Dumb Asses.

Dawn Chan
Dawn Chan

wut

Mr. Misanthropy
Mr. Misanthropy

i can’t stand those people.

Jcasetnl
Jcasetnl

Many men I know suffer drama queens, but they’re miserable and emotionally drained. They are, for lack of a better term, “p****-whipped”. And on some level they know it, and they feel like less of a man for it. In your article you tried to morph what a drama queen is into someone whose energy is just pointed in the wrong direction (selfishly as opposed to expressing raw emotion to her partner, which feeds his ego). That’s ignoring what drama queens really are and why they do what they do: they’re selfish, immature and needy. Those are at the core… Read more »

Kyette
Kyette
Reply to  Jcasetnl

If there was a “like” button, I’d hit this reply until Carpal Tunnel set in. _____________________________________________________ While I have MAJOR issues with your premise here, I will however, respect that Renee, this is your blog, and you clearly have readers who support your work. I am not one of them. Personally, I do believe that women CAN express authentic emotion without throwing a tantrum like a pissed off 10 year old who didn’t get her “My Little Pony” doll. Note: emphasis on “women”, not “girls.” Emotional maturity is something evolutionary, which allows our species to exist without total calamity. Drama… Read more »

N7777
N7777
Reply to  Kyette

You must be really beautiful, because I cannot imagine another man who would feel authentic love and respect for a woman who writes of emotional maturity, yet blatantly and spitefully (even bitchily) insults the writer with nothing more than a half-assed understanding of what she’s written. No man reading this comment is under any illusion that you are currently capable of emotionally healthy relationships when you seem to have such disrespect and judgement for your fellow women. If anything you sound like you’re trying to convince yourself that men still love you for the incredibly judgemental, lonely and suppressed person… Read more »

Angie
Angie
Reply to  N7777

Over the top response to a reasonable discussion n777

Natasha
Natasha

I enjoyed every perspective of your article. I don’t typically think of myself as a drama queen, because i believe I am genuine, authentic, but I have noticed for the last seven months of my current relationship that I do “freak” out at times emotionally…We are in love and I concern myself that perhaps I’ll push him away each time but It never has and wildly enough after I apologize or explain where my feelings and thoughts came from I think he actually feels closer to me… I’m starting to think being naturally expressive when I’m sad, pissed, scared, insecure… Read more »

lostsolesNYC

I’m a mix of the two “types” you mentioned but not completely; 1-I’m quite independent and raised to be “tough” so I just don’t often let out how I’m feeling. I’m a good communicator EXCEPT when it comes to my feelings…I either hold too much back or let too much out. I need balance! My ex actually told me I was a great girlfriend but part of him wanted me to be a bit “crazier” (his words, not mine) because it would have showed him that I liked him enough to allow that part of me come out. I was… Read more »

Era
Era

So that’s just another – change so he can like you – article…
Working by generalizing women and men.

saerah
saerah
Reply to  Era

It seems like it!

angela
angela

Brilliant!!!! Ladies, we all need to quit bitching and be thankful we have someone so insightful to teach us a better way!!!!
. sincerest thanks

YOHAMI

Your “REAL” emotions are worth nothing unless accompanied with emotional intelligence and maturity.

saerah
saerah
Reply to  YOHAMI

Says who? Another male who thinks emotions are nothing unless it benefits you directly.

Kyette
Kyette
Reply to  saerah

NO. Says a WOMAN who understands the importance of emotional maturity and authentic expression of thereof.

As I told someone, “just because she cries the loudest, doesn’t mean she loves you the most.”

Ketutar
Ketutar

“IIf you liked this article, leave me a comment below telling me what you think”? So, if I disagree or don’t “like” this article, I may not leave you a comment? Bull. Firstly, having and expressing your emotions and talking about them is not being a drama queen. Being a drama queen is ACTING. Like in “drama”. It’s not real. It’s fake. Men hate fake. Being a drama queen is exaggerating the BAD things, making things WORSE than they are. NOBODY likes that. Being a drama queen is being a manipulative, controlling, conniving bitch. Everything a drama queen does is… Read more »

Simstar
Simstar
Reply to  Renee Wade

I have never been a drama queen and have always been ignored by men when we I was younger. I wont ever fake fainting like my sister in law does or complain and whine about everyone but I think my fellow Aussie is saying is bitch and cry all you like to your partner but let him know you’re just venting but not BLAMING him but rather you need him to just listen to your vent. So you’re a team and he hasn’t stuffed up or anything. As men age, they dont like this sort of behaviour, they want happy… Read more »

Jcasetnl
Jcasetnl
Reply to  Renee Wade

“Express yourself, express your real, raw, emotions, whilst being totally THERE with him. Involve him. Don’t BLAME him and therefore SEPARATE you both.” Your assumption is that a drama queen just wants to express emotion and is just doing it the wrong way. Sorry, but that’s ridiculous. Drama queens do it for the attention and to manipulate others to open the floodgates for even more attention. What they learn is that normal expression of emotion (honest as it may be) doesn’t generate the adrenaline-infused “drop everything” crisis style attention they crave. They are not looking for an equal partnership, but… Read more »

caaron
caaron
Reply to  Ketutar

Ketutar

Seems to me that you are a pretty uptight bitch yourself. I think you missed what Renee was trying to say and the way you just expressed yourself shows this.
Pinkchick52

Innerwestchick
Innerwestchick
Reply to  caaron

@Pinkchick52….and you don’t exactly sound lady like yourself. Referring to another woman as an uptight bitch as opposed to correcting her with intellect says more about you than her. Maybe you need to read about how to be feminine. May I suggest a website called thefemininewoman.com LOL

I disagree with Ketutar and find Renee is delightful and a refreshing change to the dating scene. I find almost all of her solutions wonderful and practical but only on a great guy. They don’t work in a toxic relationship and we need to see this first.

Ketutar
Ketutar
Reply to  caaron

What I am saying is that being a drama queen is not the same as being emotional, having emotions, showing emotions. What Renee IS SAYING is that having emotions is being a drama queen, and we all need to embrace this “inner drama queen”. What she is TRYING TO SAY might be something different. My comment is mostly focused on what the expression “drama queen” means, and it is not what she is TRYING TO SAY I’m opposing, it’s using the expression “drama queen”. If you think my comment shows that I don’t understand what Renee is saying, tell me… Read more »

Joan
Joan
Reply to  Ketutar

This is my absolute favorite part of the blog. To me, it is the most real. Unless I’m choosing to build a skyscraper, I do not choose logic. Logic has very little place in human relationships. I choose a much more primal part of me. What you are calling openly and honestly, sounds a little confusing. She actually used the terms real and raw. When I’m real and raw it captivates the real human emotion here. It looks past the fear, elevates me higher, so that when I’m talking the words I use are not oblivious to what I feel… Read more »

Anais
Anais

I’m still feeling a bit confused about what is the definition of drama in this article? I though the example shown in the movie is what usually drives men away? If good men like “drama” like this why do men, including all the male dating experts say they hate drama? They all say they like a woman who doesn’t over dramatize everything yet expresses her authentic feelings and has boundaries. I mean everyone gets out of control sometimes but to feel like a woman should be the way this movie clip shows is a bit over the top. lol All… Read more »

Joan
Joan
Reply to  Anais

I once knew a lady who would express her feelings, even over buying a new outfit and seeing someone else with the same thing on. Her face showed pure drama. She was surrounded by men all the time! With whatever she needed. She had an established relationship, but she had admiration from every man. She wasn’t fighting them off and they weren’t looking for a quick lay, they totally respected her. These were high quality men. Now she was completely authentic. She was offended and she would say it, out loud. I myself, loved and trusted her. She was so… Read more »

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