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Article updated 2018

There’s a myth that all you need to do is be a nice girl or a “good person”, and then, everything you want will follow, and line up for you. Including a handsome prince who adores you.

This, in fact, is untrue. Don’t you know of anyone who is a really nice person, and yet still didn’t get what they “deserved” in life, their career, or their love life? I do. If I had a gold coin for every time I heard someone say: “Why do BAD things happen to GOOD people?!” Do you know how rich I’d be?

So, the conventional idea of just being a good person is enough really needs to be challenged. Perhaps there is another path; a secret path or a forbidden rule of success in dating and relationships that we are never told because it’s taboo. Remarkable men and loving husbands don’t come in to your life and STAY in your life without commitment on your part. Commitment to continuously being the kind of woman who that kind of man would want to be with.

(Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

So this means there can be no: “this is how I am, accept me or leave”. Or “This is how I am – deal with it”.

Is there a shortage of GOOD men?

Many single women bemoan the fact that there aren’t enough good men. This ONLY needs to be true for you if:

1) You SETTLE for this belief; or

2) You are not showing up as the kind of woman who is sure to attract the man of your dreams.

If YOU do not take the time to see the good in men, you are settling for a false sense of superiority. People in this position tend to be quite self-righteous. I hear it all the time from men and women: “oh, I don’t see why a woman WOULDN’T like me.” “Oh, men are PIGS.”

YOU will only attract mediocre men when dating or a mediocre man out of your current partner if YOU don’t do whatever it takes to get the relationship or man of your dreams. People end up in unfulfilling relationships because they have terrible (low) standards.

And I’m not talking about the kind of standards that lead you to say “oh well, I have high standards for men!” And be really proud of it and then you sit on your butt and do nothing. WAITING never got anybody anywhere.

Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…

No-one ever got a good man for just bitching and whining. (read my article about why women fail to attract men)

If we did, it would be easy. And if it was easy, everyone would have a fulfilling relationship for the long-term. And if everyone had an ultimately fulfilling relationship, then the fulfilling relationship would be devalued.

Some women let good men go or force men away, because of a lack of humility (among other things). A lack of character. One must push through resistance to grow, and to become MORE as a woman, so that you can attract a good or better man. And when you DO do this, guess what happens? You suddenly become deserving of this good man.

(Click here to take the quiz “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

The rule of success…

This is the taboo solution. The forbidden rule of success, as simplistic as it may sound. This is what most people would rather not hear, and most parents would rather not tell their children. After all, it produces a much warmer and fuzzier feeling to hear that it would just all come together for us if we were just nice, good people.

The truth is that it’s not enough to just be a ‘good’ person. You can be a ‘good’ person or a ‘nice’ girl, but have poor standards. A poor outlook on relationships.

Like anything in life; once you begin to do something, to strive for something such as the ultimate fulfilling relationship – you will be met with resistance.

So, as difficult as it may be for some women, if you tend to complain about being single, or complain about your husband or boyfriend being lousy – it’s time to stop complaining and raise the standards you have for yourself.

Even if you attract a wonderful man and fall in love, 3-9 months down the track, when all the fuzzy feelings wear off, you’re going to have to find a way to grow and keep this relationship with this person you love so much. Again, if it was all so easy, we would all have it.

It’s like having good money management: if you do not invest, your money is being devalued, year after year.

Here is a quick example:

If you are a 10 out of 10 woman – will you date a man who is a 5/10? And I don’t mean looks. The answer is of course, a No. Because you know you deserve better. Not only this, but you would naturally ATTRACT better.

Do you know what naturally attracts men? Click here to find out the 17 Attraction Triggers.

JUST maintaining the status quo is not an option if you want the best. Whether that be in your relationship or in your life in general. You must always be bringing more to your current situation; to be improving it.

By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!

Over to you now, lovely. Yes you! 🙂

What do you think?

Do you think there are lots of good men out there?

Or do you think there is a shortage of good men?

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P.S. Connect with me on social media

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Mary WestRosiebyanyothernameSarah PurdyAngel-EyesHolly Recent comment authors
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Mary West
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Mary West

Am mary i want to say a big thanks to the great native Dr GUPTA who brought back my husband who divorced me, i love this man so much and he is the father of my kids and i love him so much but never knew what came over him that made him thinks that i was cheating on him, so he asked for divorce, but i want to give a big appreciations to the great dr gupta who brought him back to me, and now me and my husband and kids are living happily like never before, Am so… Read more »

Rosiebyanyothername
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Rosiebyanyothername

I’ve been lucky in that most of the men I’ve had personal dealings with are sweethearts – even those whom I found terrifying initially because they swore every two seconds, lol. Unluckily for me, they’re also happily attached (I totally see the reason for that) and I’ve already received several wedding invitations. I think I haven’t been approaching relationships from the right point in the past. One of my teachers once said to focus less on finding Mr/Ms Right, and more on being Mr/Ms Right. I think that was probably good advice, but applying it is hard!

Sarah Purdy
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I’m still a big believer that there are lots of good men out there. But in order to get the man of your dreams, do not expect perfection because you may be overlooking some stunning qualities of a man you did not even know you were looking for.

Angel-Eyes
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Angel-Eyes

Recently in my life I told myself that I haven’t felt attraction for anyone for such a long time- I’m talking 2011 long time! It must have felt so long on a subconscious level because of the concern that arose to mind. It was derived from some silly subconscious pact that I’d made to myself :D, such as I must do this, I must do that, bla, bla, bla. Well no, I must not do anything other than be my authentic self; flaws and all! So the universe must have heard my thoughts because it sent a man on my… Read more »

Holly
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Holly

This is a great article 🙂 I use to have a friend that said the same thing in so many words. I’ll call him Ben. Ben said, “I’m a nice person”, as if that’s enough to get him a girlfriend. I did tell him that relationships aren’t built on niceness alone. What I was really dieing to say to him also was, “it’s ok Ben, your a nice person so that’s all that matters. Don’t worry about having a job, I’m cool with having a smoker for a boyfriend, even though I don’t smoke, you don’t have to take any… Read more »

Neferyuya
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Neferyuya

I think there are a lot of good men out there.

I think that one needs to not jump in too soon
before you see enough of their moods too.

I personally need to know how the coping style of a man meshes
or does not mesh with mine. I am quick to help myself
out of a bad mood for clarity to think straight – it would be
hard to deal with a guy that just wallows in defeat or
gets crazy at the sign of a problem for example.

All types of people are good types for some one out there…
just maybe not me.

Robin
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Robin

Thank you so much for this blog! I love it and plan to spend much time here catching up on everything. I’ve recently divorced from a long-term abusive marriage. I’ve done a lot of therapy and a lot of work healing myself and trying to be a better person. As luck would have it I did happen to meet the man of my dreams, a great guy – and even more luck, he’s pursuing me! I’m really trying to be a better person – more open, friendly, affectionate, etc. (being in a long term abusive marriage I have shut down… Read more »

Renee
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Renee

Hey Robin 🙂 You’re welcome, and congratulations to you for having higher standards for yourself.
I hope you and this new man live a blissful life together. -XxX-

janet
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janet

WOW… so much of what I stumbled upon, when finding this website, has totally hit home for me. Coming out of a train-wreck of a 10 year 2nd marriage, I could and did feel so used, devastated, angry, hurt, etc… all those emotions. I have scoured the internet and found some total healing and empowering information. I have also prayed for strength. As Ms Summer stated my motivations for finding the man of my dreams has completely changed. I am empowered! I see I my worth and that I am worthy. I had a husband who would not wear the… Read more »

stefanie
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stefanie

I’m not sure if I should feel proud that I have such a wonderful relationship, or worried that it’s not feeling like it’s a lot of effort! LOL I think it takes a certain type of geekiness! I have always, ever since I remember, wanted to have the fairytale life. And I have always, ever since I remember, read all information I could find about anything to do with men, attraction, love, sexuality, relationships and everything that could be related to this in some manner. I have always looked out for insights I could find by observing others. I have… Read more »

Ms Summer
Guest

I noticed my motivations for finding my dream man have completely changed! And for the better, as well, as I feel much more empowered. Finding someone strong who would stand up for me and for whatever I am feeling or saying is no longer highest priority next to good looks which would finally show the world how hot I must be to get such a guy;)I have truly been believing this! I am so grateful i read all your articles Renee and now know better. I actually feel prepared now to handle my emotions and to be strong in a… Read more »

Renee
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Renee

@ Helena: Welcome lovely! I’m so glad I’m covering the topics that you want to hear about. That’s one of the main points of this blog! @ Maya: Hello darling! For some reason I get the feeling you are deserving of him….Don’t know why! 🙂 Thank You for your comment. @ Clarice! Thanks so much for your comment! The word ‘battlefield’ is a dangerous word to use when it comes to marriage. I think most people view it this way, and that’s partly what makes marriage or long-term relationships so hard. It doesn’t have to wear off 😉 It’s good… Read more »

clarice
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clarice

hi

been married for 3 years now and yes its been going as they say, that it`ll all wear off after a few years. but really i dont think it is as natural and predictable as it is said. i think it really has to do with what you are saying…knowing how to find and keep the man of your dreams…then maybe too marriage wouldn`t be such a battlefield.

clarice

maya
Guest
maya

Renee i absolutely love this article and your website as a whole .
I am in a new relationship with this really amazing guy and sometimes I feel undeserving of him…I know i have to continually work and commit myself to make it work and become a better woman.
I love your articles! thanx!:’)

Helena
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Helena

Hi Renee,

I love this website, found it by mistake via google a month ago! Registered for updates! You cover topics that are very near my heart. I try hard and give a lot of though on my own femininity and put effort into incorporating femininity in everyday life as much I can through behaviors, attitude, dressing, style.. Etc

Thanks for a great website!

Renee
Guest
Renee

@ Amara: great quote, thanks! 🙂 @ Sharon – yes, high self-worth is an absolute must. @ Livi: Thanks for the comment and birthday wishes darling. 🙂 also Thanks for the post suggestion. I will do a post on that topic. I am sorry for your situation. You’re welcome to email me, as I cannot tell much about your situation just from your comment. Much Love and blessings from me. You can feel welcome here, and I can see that you’re already keeping the strength just through reading your comments. I really admire that. @ Lauren: fo’ sho’. Complacency is… Read more »

sharon
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sharon

It all comes to down to having high self-worth. I heard a wise teacher once say that You don’t get what you deserve in life, but only what you THINK you deserve deep down. So deep down if you are feeling doubt, don’t see the good in yourself and don’t value yourself as a spiritual being having a human experience, and know that you are already loved by God, then you don’t manifest all the good that you desire for your life. It’s all about inner game. Get that right, and the outer, such as wearing the right clothes, make-up… Read more »

Jackie
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Jackie

I do have one other question though: How should modern woman go about striking the BALANCE between their own efforts and being someone a guy will want to be with and not being overly motherly or a “nice girl”?? David’s feedback is definitely welcome too of course 🙂

Jackie
Guest
Jackie

Renne you are the absolute greatest… your blog has answered so many of the questions I’ve had. In fact, at this point in my life I’ve taken the time to be this kind of woman and am really working hard in areas that include not only looks, but assertiveness, confidence, femininity, poise, grace, and sensuality. I am also going back to my studious ways. It’s difficult and definitely an uphill battle but as the old saying goes “everything you want is right out of your comfort zone or else you would have it already!”

Lauren
Guest
Lauren

Yes Yes YES!!

Renee has done it again.

This is why a little jealousy can be healthy for a relationship. Even if you have been with your man for years, you can/should still use little feminine tricks to seduce him. The same goes for him.

Complacency in a relationship has the effect of holding a loaded gun to someone’s head.

Lisa
Guest
Lisa

I agree that how you respect yourself is how other’s will respect you. Dr. Phil has said, “You teach other’s how to treat you.” So there must be a balance between self respect (high moral character for example) and how you give to others. Frankly, what I believe firmly is that having a sexual relationship before marriag is not only an objective moral wrong, but also practically speaking, causes a man not to value you very much no matter how nice he is in the beginning. Men like a challenge and once they’ve won so easily as so many do… Read more »

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