Sometimes it’s hard and disappointing when you feel like you are dating men, but you are not finding any that you are actually attracted to.
Have you ever wondered how to find a good man when you feel like you are losing hope?
If you have, then maybe you will relate to this.
I have a question for you first…
Is it that you are not attracted to the men you meet and date? Or is it that you are too busy judging these men, and too busy looking for their flaws, to feel any attraction for them?
Here’s an interesting fact on this topic: women are actually more easier disgusted than men.
And this sex difference in disgust affects a wide array of outcomes — including job selection, mate choice, food aversions, and psychological disorders.
Knowing this fact, I’m going to say that women are far more likely than men to feel the need to judge a man, because our feelings of disgust are easier to trigger.
And because it’s easier to trigger our disgust, we are prone to judging men when making mate choices.
Perhaps too much so!
Some women are more judgy of men than others. I think it pays to think carefully about whether you’re judging men so much that you have lost the capacity to appreciate them.
If you ask most decent men, they may even tell you that it’s easier to find judgement of them in women than it is to find appreciation from women!
Yet, interestingly, when you appreciate men, you are far less likely to remain single!
What Is The Hidden Cost Of Judging Men?
When you judge men a lot, you can’t be authentic and feminine. When you’re not authentic, you can’t be the most attractive woman out there, that’s for sure.
Because all your judgements are masking your true attractiveness. (Click here to get your “Goddess Report”)
And when you don’t feel attractive, you are never going to attract a good man.
Some women have a large array of judgements always going on in their head:
“He laughed really weird.”
“He’s not tall enough.”
“I want someone like Channing Tatum.”
I’m not suggesting that you should settle for a less attractive man than you can have. Not at all.
But I am suggesting that having too much disgust, and too many judgements, will put you out of calibration, and cause you to over-filter men, if you know what I mean.
Are Your Standards REALLY too High?
Maybe your friends tell you that your standards are too high.
Rarely are people’s standards too high. That’s a lie.
The truth is usually that they are just too scared.
Sometimes, they have felt judged their whole life, maybe by men, so now they feel underlying resentment towards men.
Developing Total Innocence with Men
It’s going to be hard because you won’t notice yourself doing it all the time…
But perhaps it’s time to take the focus away from judging men, and put your focus on all the tiny ways you can begin to appreciate them.
Even the short ones. Even the ones who seemingly aren’t as successful and don’t make over $100,000 a year.
I have often noticed that the women who get the most from men are women who have minimal judgments and approach almost every interaction with men with a special kind of innocence.
That’s right, innocence. What I mean by that is, you don’t look for FLAWS before you even start a conversation with him.
Think about children for a second. Do children run around judging everybody?
Or do they just want to have fun?
Does the little girl in you who loves to play run around, harbour a bunch of unnecessary judgments about men?
No, she doesn’t. You do.
Here is Why You Are not Dating Men you Are Attracted to:
Some men won’t be your type, that’s fine.
Yet, do you keep dating men and find that you’re not meeting the ones that you are attracted to? (Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)
That’s because of 2 possible reasons:
- You have too many judgments of men, so you are not showing up as your most attractive self.
Because you’re too busy judging and looking for flaws, which means of course, you won’t attract the kinds of men you really DO want.
You’ll lose hope and start to get scared that you will never find the one for you. And then live in resentment of the women who do.
- You want a man that would make you feel more worthy than you already feel on a day to day basis.
(In other words, you have low self esteem and want a man to fill that void).
See, love does not thrive on that weak base. To find love, and to find that fairy tale, just let go of the memories of being told you are not pretty enough, not tall enough, not short enough, not successful enough.
But I Keep Coming Across Losers On Online Dating Apps!
How can you not judge or be repelled by all the flakes and dead end conversations on online dating apps? I get it. Online dating sucks.
But that’s partly because we tend to hate what we aren’t good at, and we tend to fear what we don’t understand.
Here’s the brutal truth about online dating:
Not only that, but if you’re becoming jaded by online dating, that is a clear sign that you have not learned to do it the way it should be done.
Online dating is a different beast altogether. As such, it requires a totally different approach to in-person dating.
Of course you will meet many flakes online. That’s because the culture of online dating is superficial.
Which doesn’t mean online dating is bad! Not at all, in fact, we believe online dating is actually better for women, and has a big advantage for women.
(We have a 71 year old client who is killing it with online dating! Read about her incredible success story here.)
The key is to play the game right. You must not make these terrible mistakes in your online dating profile.
And if you want to find a high value man online, approach it with the strategy of high value banter, because banter will help you to quickly eliminate all the low value men!
Low value men cannot attune to you, and in order to banter with a crush, you have to be attuned. This is why banter helps to show you which men are relationship material. Here’s a guide for you on How To Banter With A Guy.
You cannot afford to let yourself become defeated and jaded by the trash that is around in online dating! You can learn how to use the dark feminine art of high value banter with my hubby’s free class on banter here.
And if you’d like to take our program High Value Profile and Banter, click here. The promise of this course is for you to effortlessly find exciting matches, spellbinding conversations and exhilarating real life dates with high value men through a BRAND NEW approach to online dating… (even if you’ve lost all faith and your self esteem has been torn apart by dating apps!)
Do you know the dark art of “High Value Banter” that helps you quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”? CLICK HERE to learn how in this free class.
Men don’t Love You for Achieving Things
Let go of the feeling that you’ve got to ACHIEVE something before a man will love you. Men don’t love you for achieving things. That’s a LIE.
They love you for your high value feminine energy. They fall in love because you don’t act like a man and try to achieve everything just to be enough in this world.
Men want the real you. The authentic you that laughs and has fun even with the shortest and ugliest man on the planet.
I’ve coached hundreds of women from many countries, and I think I’d have to be REALLY stupid not to notice common actions, feelings and patterns among women.
Here’s one of the many things I’ve observed:
More often than not, we don’t want a tall man. We think we do, but we don’t necessarily need the tall man.
What we need, is a man who is very masculine. A man who is self contained and high value. These things are often (but not always of course), independent of height.
And that thought is destroying your feminine energy and your attractiveness.
(What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…)
What You Truly Want…
A tall man might be NICE, but…
What you truly want, is to feel deep attraction, passion, to feel safe, secure, loved AND excited.
And I am just telling you what you already knew but you forget too often:
To have passion, attraction and security, the man doesn’t have to be tall or rich. You just think he does.
You have a bias, and a preference. But that preference doesn’t always have to materialise in order for you to fall in love and invest in a good man.
Perhaps you’ve seen too many men who are short, poor and unconfident come across as unattractive to you, because they don’t feel like they are good enough for you.
So you have developed this association with short, poor, unconfident men.
Not every man who isn’t rich or tall feels bad about himself.
If you constantly feel that you NEED to have a tall, good-looking man to compete with other women, to impress your family, and to do better than your sister did, you will never find the love that you are craving.
Because what you are looking for is NOT a relationship. What you’re really looking for, are reasons to feel worthy.
Maybe a taller man will make you feel worthy. Maybe a stronger man will make you feel proud and worthy of your mother’s love or your sister’s love.
But if that’s what you keep looking for, all you will find is a deep, black hole of emptiness. You will find that you are lonely and still single.
Long-term relationships are a spiritual path. What this means is, you have to have the courage to love a man even when you’re scared that he is not good enough for you.
No man is going to be good enough for you in every single moment, because he is a human being. Just like you are.
He is going to stuff up, make you feel awkward, do things that scare you into thinking he’s not perfect enough.
That’s what you sign up for when you enter a long-term relationship.
Obviously, you don’t want to tolerate abusive behaviour. If you’d like to find out some definite things you shouldn’t tolerate in a man, read my article on 6 Behaviours You Should Never Tolerate In A Man.
Here’s How to be Beautiful to Men
If you want to be beautiful to men in an otherworldly way, try to calibrate yourself.
In other words, try to balance your judgements of men with your appreciations of men!
And you may find that they will stop judging you as much, too.
Be more innocent in every interaction. It’s ok to distrust people, or to distrust men. After all, most people won’t care too much about you at all.
But it’s also ok to move away from the bias of judgement, closure and disgust, towards a more innocent way of looking at men.
Assume that almost all men have some worth, some value in this world.
(Of course, some men and some women are total value-suckers. I won’t say everyone is of value, because they’re not. Some people will only strip value from your life, and you do need to watch out for toxic signs.)
But perhaps it’s time to trust that blank slate you were as a teenager a little. Perhaps it’s time to let her live a little.
Because that’s who you really are. That’s what you WOULD do, if you weren’t feeling fearful of men.
You are not the fearful bitch. You are a beautiful, authentic woman who knows how to use the fearful bitch on the rare occasion that it is needed, but you do not have to constantly LIVE in that place. (read my article about femininity)
(By the way, I’ve just published my brand new program titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)
(The promise of this course is for you to have your chosen man fall in love with you & beg you to be his one & only by embodying these 5 feminine secrets, even if he’s been distant, avoidant, or losing interest…)
You Don’t Have to Settle for Less than You Want
One last thing:
No, you don’t have to settle for less of a man than you want. All you have to remember is:
1: Balance your disgust and judgement towards men with more appreciation. Try to realize the more time you spend looking for flaws, the more flaws you will find and the less positives you will find.
Make innocence and acceptance of men your first reaction, rather than judgments. It’s hard, but it works.
1) By telling yourself that you want a man to be better looking or taller, you’re lying to yourself.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have and won’t have a tall man, it just means, if you keep looking for looks, status, and riches, that’s what you’ll get.
You’ll get a man who thinks his only worth to you is looks, status and riches. And that is a s**t relationship if I may say so.
What you are really looking for is a feeling.
A feeling of passion, excitement, that also comes with security and love. You need to know that all you ever want is a feeling.
Not the perfect looking man, and not the man who acts perfectly 100% of the time.
We no longer live in a pre-historic age, where the slightest bad move on a man’s part means he won’t be a good provider, or that he won’t be able to protect you. Although your instincts tell you that’s the truth.
Nowadays, hardly anything threatens your life. You are free to look for love, connection and excitement.
You no longer have to look for flaws first, and obsess critically over a man’s actions or pitfalls, like your female ancestors did.
Try it. Men won’t be able to pull themselves away from you. (read my article about making a man want you)
If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.
By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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