
How to deal with Jealous Women
How to Deal With Jealous Women
A more physically ‘perfect’ or glamorous woman needn’t always cause jealousy amongst other women, but a beautiful, feminine woman can cause enormous jealousy.
If you’ve always been a beautiful and feminine woman, you would have experienced countless jealous looks and perhaps even jealous schemes, engineered by other women. It’s everywhere. And you can be a plain Jane and cause this jealous stir among other women, because you have something other women feel they do not; the amazing and mysterious force of femininity.
And, jealous women can be women on the street whom you don’t know, or even a jealous friend or jealous friends, in the form of ‘frenemies’ – friends who sometimes seem like a friend, and other times seem to want the worst for you.
Good looks do not keep a man. Every woman knows this deep down. And a physically gorgeous woman; even a famous woman crowned the most beautiful woman in the world, cannot have it all. Take Halle Berry for example, having been cheated on or left by every man she’s been with. Take Marilyn Monroe, who died way before she should have. Take Elle Macpherson, who in her 40s still has gorgeous looks, and yet she hasn’t held or kept a man. Take for example the large number of famous women who have committed suicide or died of some sort of drug overdose. No amount of beautiful looks or fame will fulfill a woman. You can be the most beautiful woman on earth, and still feel unloved.
But when a woman is truly feminine, she tends to never ever be short of men in her life if she’s single, or if she’s taken, she may find it hard to fight off her man’s adoring, admiring affections even if she wanted to.
Jealousy on Fire
More often than not, a loving, devoted and amazing man in another woman’s life will cause jealousy on fire in some other women.
More often than not, even if a feminine woman is single, other women will hate her, for no reason other than the fact that this woman has something that they feel is out of reach for them; true, radiant femininity and consequently, beauty! Which is the ultimate attractor of masculinity. Every woman can achieve true femininity, but not every woman does. In fact, women who are jealous are often not even really aware of what this other woman has that she doesn’t. All she knows is that she wants what she’s got, deep down.
Feminine women attract male attention. Feminine women can have the pick of the bunch, and yes, feminine women CAN have it all. Because true femininity is radiant and gives love. It is love and it is a force for life. Feminine energy is adored by men who are masculine at their core (most men), and regardless of her looks, a woman like this may still get the pick of the bunch.
Throughout the course of your life, (if you follow the femininity movement and embrace your feminine sexual core), you will most definitely encounter a trail of hateful and angry women. Regardless of your age. Jealousy isn’t just incited in other women only when you’re young and beautiful. It occurs simply if you are beautiful. And femininity is beautiful. Men will jump hoops to protect it, love it, embrace it and chase it.
Jealous women may just give you a nasty look, a hateful sideways glance, and if you’re lucky, they may bitch about you behind your back. If you’re unlucky, jealous women will go out of their way to bring you down.
And in this heavily masculine ambition driven society, there are plenty of them. Because women suppress their feminine energy to get things done, and to conform. So they don’t often get what they truly want to experience. Which is love.
Ultimately, we’re all looking for a feeling, and more often than not, most women want to fill up with love and to give love. Masculine women don’t tend to attract this in to their lives. So if you are feminine, you’ll have something that they feel they are missing out on, yet don’t quite know what it is or how to achieve it.
And life is unfair to start with. So we don’t all have the same opportunities. We’re not all born with stunning looks, and we’re not all given the requisite knowledge to live happy, fulfilling lives and to enjoy enriching and fulfilling intimate relationships and marriages.

Now if you’re a very feminine woman, you will most likely not feel a great deal of jealousy if you see another beautiful woman who is truly happy. In fact, you’ll most likely be really happy for her and want to revel in this happiness with her. Even if you do not have it yourself! This may be because you feel you too, can have what she has.
You are a rare creature
not all women can revel in the good fortune of another woman.
If you are the kind of woman who feels guilty being in the spotlight, and although you feel and enjoy being feminine, find it hard to fully enjoy it without feeling bad about taking away the spotlight from other women, please see this post and watch the video.
Never dull your femininity to make other women feel like they are enough.
There’s a reason why anti-feminists often say that it is unattractive women who instigated the first and subsequent waves of feminist movements. (please note: I don’t know how accurately researched this video is, and I am aware that it is not necessarily true that it is solely unattractive women who instigate and support Feminist movements). However, I understand their position and can see why they perceive this to be the truth.
And unattractive is not purely physical. I believe a woman can actually change her looks and become uglier on the outside through her internal thought processes.
One way in which you can deal with jealousy is by befriending the jealous woman and lead her to feel more confident in herself, and being more giving to her. Giving her reasons to feel loved and accepted. That will bring out a different side to her. And, you can show other women who are less confident that they can have, and deserve to have everything that they want and need. However, there are times when women just don’t want to change or feel truly great about themselves. In these cases, you’ve just got to do some serious ‘pattern-breaking’; breaking of their patterns/habits!
How to deal with jealous women
If you find yourself in a situation in which you are surrounded by oppressive women who you can sense are not only talking about you behind your back, but actively do things behind your back to bring you down, it’s time to take action. Because you cannot let women like this walk all over you. A woman still has to be able to put her foot down when it is needed.
You may believe that a feminine woman should just stay quiet and perhaps just sacrifice her own needs to avoid being around these women. Not true.
I have said before that a feminine woman needs to have a masculine part to her as well; and this is a situation in which you need to go in to more masculine mode to stand up to women like this.
A story
I’ll give you an example. In my own life, I’ve experienced being in a workplace full of women several times. This time last year I was working as a perfume ambassador. Whilst in some places, women in this type of occupation would be quite feminine (and there were a couple where I worked), there were a few very masculine and butch women.
On my first day, I encountered a young woman who also worked as a perfume ambassador, just for a different agent. I adore people, so I cheerfully introduced myself and intended to make a friend. Before I noticed the energy she was putting out. She had no interest in befriending me, in fact she immediately asserted herself as a manager, but made her position sound higher than what it really was. Because I was new there, I was easy to fool.
We shall call her ‘B’.
Immediately, B was asserting herself upon me and I was following her commands, although I actually wasn’t obligated to follower her commands. But she was still very oppressive, and I made the mistake of getting stuck in a ‘master-servant’ type role with her, which was very uncomfortable.
B’s intentions showed up more when I needed her expertise to guide me to where to find items, where other products were located, etc. She would never be concise and accurate. She was always deliberately vague, so much so that I had no idea where she was pointing me to. She wanted me to keep asking her, and ultimately, look foolish. I unfortunately let myself fall in to this role with her repeatedly.
She also knew I was never taught to use a register, and that it wasn’t a part of my job to be able to use one; yet she would tell me to put things through the register in front of a customer, and walk away without offering assistance.
During these incidents, I had to ask her repeatedly for directions and she would roll her eyes at me when I couldn’t follow her instructions. I kept on with this situation because I didn’t really want to believe that she could be so deliberately manipulative.
I noticed also, that her behavior got worse when my man came to visit me at work. He did this often, and was always very affectionate, protective and loving. He often picked me up from my shifts. Sometimes he would bring me a drink or food for my lunch break, and other times he just came briefly, to see how I was. I began to sense that every time he did come to see me, she would pull another woman aside, and talk about me and point at myself and David.
Over time, I noticed that the other women who I thought I had made friends with stopped wanting to talk to me. I felt left out and excluded. I ended up in tears in the ladies’ room, and found it hard to work. I found it hard to push on in this environment, and the energy was very bad.
One day her and another colleague were talking, and she confessed that she had never been on a date (she is 24, nearly 25) or had a man interested in her. I felt bad for ‘B’, and thus continued indicating that I was still open to her, and open to befriending her in some way, as I am with most people.
Until one day I met another colleague from a different department who told me how she was in tears one day after work because of the way ‘B’ had been treating her. I was forced to acknowledge that ‘B’ was preying on seemingly ‘weaker’ and softer women, who were more feminine, and more vulnerable, as this new colleague I met was very feminine.
And this is the trouble with being a very feminine woman. Whilst the majority of men will love you for it, and not want to hurt you in any way, there will be women who will want to put you down. Women, I find, tend to be different around other very feminine women. I’ve met women who love this and feel at home with other feminine women, but I’ve also come across women who smell femininity from a mile away and proceed to trample all over it. I personally love women, and celebrate femininity.
You’re probably wondering how I ended up dealing with ‘B’. One morning, I noticed that one woman whom had always been nice to me stopped talking to me completely and starting being very snarky. I had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with B. So I took the liberty of confronting my friend and asked. Indeed, B had told her, among other things, a blatant lie about me.
So I went up to B and confronted her in front of every employee, stating to her that she shall come to me from now on, to tell things to my face, rather than telling fibs behind my back. I proceeded to ask her why she was doing it, and I hadn’t seen myself cause fear in another woman for a long time, but I had to do it to liberate myself and to show her that I wasn’t going to tolerate her behavior.
The point of my story is to show that there are scenarios in which a feminine woman must assert herself and go in to more of a masculine mode. It’s all part of being a dynamic and whole woman who is able to bring out different sides of herself when it is needed.
You need to raise your level of masculinity, become even more masculine than them, to bring things back to a little more fairness.
When confronted with jealous women, or even other aggressive women who disrespect you or your womanliness, it is important to stand your ground, rather than shy away from it. I learned this lesson, as I let the situation go on a lot longer than I should have!
Do you have any strategies to deal with jealousy from other women? Or do you have any juicy stories? Feel free to share with us

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Tags: a jealous friend, best friend jealous, friend is jealous, how to deal with jealous friends, how to deal with jealous women, jealous friend, jealous friends, jealous woman, jealous women


Leave A Reply (165 comments so far)
Lori
12 days ago
Thank-you for the informative advice. I have a sister-in-law (my husbands brothers wife) who behave exactly like the jealous woman you describe. She has done so much damage in my marriage, because she gossips with my mother-in-law about me, and they gang up against me. I am not an aggressive person, and my husband can’t understand this jealousy thing – to the point that he believes I must be doing something to make them gossip about me to the whole family. I have now resorted to staying away from them as much as is humanly possible, as I couldn’t be bothered to confront them again. The last time I confronted them and asked them to come to me directly if they have a problem – I was called a b*tch and ignored by the entire family. I am very feminine, because I like being like that. I am also very friendly and loving, but not to these two “out-laws” anymore !
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Mary Reply:
May 18th, 2013 at 9:38 pm
Lori, I relate to what your said about your in laws. I have the same problems with mine. I’m very feminine also and my sister in law is “one of the guys”. I always wanted to be friends with her and tried very hard over the years to be kind and say nice things to her and their half sister also but everytime we get together she is always making snide remarks to me. Seems like I’m always wrong and she is always right no matter what the topic is. Once during the holidays the half sis and her both would ignore me everytime I tried to get in on their conversation. Sometimes they would flat out leave the room when I entered and giggle and talk quietly in the other rooms . I was young at the time and didn’t figure it out right away. Both of them were much older than me and I think were being very childish and petty by trying to brush me off like that. I believe they also turned their mother against me also because she has also made little snide remarks . I have did some modeling in the past and she asked me once “What I thought of porn”, I really felt like it was some sort of a cut down. It’s strange comments to me that really make me feel out of place with them which is sad because i believe families should be close. I have never got into any blow outs with them, I’m not very aggressive and I think they know this. I do my best still to get along. Since I live out of state I don’t have to see them much anyway. But I have got to the point of just not wanting to visit anymore. I feel for you.. It helps to know I’m not the only one who has these experiences with women.
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Jo
50 days ago
Hello Renee,
Thank you for posting this article.I have been searching for answers too about why woman hate for no reason.These have been very helpful to me. I’m also a very feminine girl.I’m 22 years I know this woman 29 years old.Shes my boyfriend sister-in-law.I don’t do anything to make her do this to me. I’m nice to her.
There is so much to say about this woman I can’t even remember everything.
-Everytime we see each other and hang out she would always comment on what I wear; she would say “I dont like flat shoes” and I love love flat shoes.She tells and make up things just to prove her assumption.
-If me and her talk she would look and pick my flaws like; she said “I have flat lips..?”,”I have big ankles..?”some girls we know heard what she said and we just looked at each other in our mind was “Whaat?” I can’t believe she finds my ankle as one of my flaw.WOW! haha
-She always talk about herself on what kind of things she gets and show them of to me like; on how expensive it is,brands etc…She thinks that I get jealous about material things yet she copied some of my outfits.
-I usually caught her trying to make me jealous of course she doesn’t make it to obvious,but hey..I have x-ray vision I know what shes up to her nasty mind.She can’t get away it.I think her friendship to me is 50/50 because she finds me as a threat and probably think we are in a competition.No matter what she does to me doesn’t destroy my self-confidence but actually defines herself as a low self-esteem,insecure woman who goes out there destroying other girls emotions.
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Laura Perez
55 days ago
thank you for this article! This is so true. Thank you for the encouragement, because I am so tired of dealing with jealous and bitter women.
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Annie
55 days ago
you know I agree with what you are saying because this is the REASON why so many women don’t know right from wrong in how to talk to people in general. This is why I stick to myself, know it sounds harsh but never appreciated hanging arournd people who like to talk about what she did or what she looks like or why did she wear this or ewww look at her. Theres an age when people need to grow out of it. Now a days we don’t even need to look at another woman because the female popultation loves to demean others on the internet. then compare notes on a saturday @ the calldisack or for the high powered controllers as long as it doesn’t happen to me with already made gal pals running up a credit cards and talking about The Real housewives of BH. or new jersey…. it’s sick….. be well
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Jennifer
55 days ago
you can’t ever express the grief someone else goes through being aggressive. Meaning if your an aggressive woman who believes in the suck attitude you shouldn’t go around being mean to other women who are in their 40′s trying to make a healthy living too. Demeaning women isn’t in my brain and also creating friendships instead of others being harmful creates a toxic society and inept culture by those whom wish hardships onto others by words and actions. Very discouraging these days ….. and it’s sad. Uplift people and realize when someone is giving you an olive branch instead of being cruel. You don’t know what that other woman is going through. We are all beautiful in our own day. We are all going through the brunt of tough times sometimes a smile goes a long way. People do change for the better. good grief!
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Dawn
56 days ago
I noticed from when I was a very young woman and even today (at 43), there are some women who can’t stand me. I am very social, honest, some would say “cute” or “attractive” and generally easy to get along with (until I am treated poorly or dishonestly, then I become a total bitch. Thankfully, that doesn’t happen very often). I used to be a massage therapist – which is a surprisingly competitive, female dominated profession – and I have never had more problems with women then I did then. Now, in a male dominated profession, I tend to get along very well with the vast majority of men and women at work. I enjoy being around men, and they enjoy being around me. It’s one of the best parts of my job, and there is nothing inappropriate going on, just an exchange of male and female energy. LOVE IT!!!
I had an epiphany one day, after much meditation, counseling and introspection, that people who don’t like me tend to be insecure, and it primarily tends to be women. So, my strategy is to just be myself – I carry on being social and friendly, I am cordial and professional to the haters when I have to deal with them, without going out of my way, and if someone is being miserable to me, then I confront the behaviour with as much tact as possible for the situation. Usually I find that when I call a person on her behaviour, if she knows she was being a bitch, she usually denies it right away but the behaviour improves. If it was truly unintentional, then an apology ensues. Either way, I’ve stood up for myself, let it be known that I won’t tolerate disrespect and there will be consequences.
It seems to work for me because I’ve managed to weed out the nasty, negative people, and have a wonderful group of feminine female friends, and some very wonderful male friends as well. Yay!
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Dawn Reply:
March 27th, 2013 at 9:00 pm
And for the record – it is sad to say – that the majority of women with whom I clash are older. It’s very sad and shocking to me, because I really value female friends, but now I tend to not trust other woman.
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Annie Reply:
March 28th, 2013 at 1:38 pm
It seems you just like being the center of the world around your friends and don’t care what you say or do around others because of the insecurity you do have?
Are You a Social Cynic?
Giving others the benefit of the doubt enhances your happiness.
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Adele Reply:
April 16th, 2013 at 9:07 pm
That is great that you have found a great circle of friends. Never apologize for who you are. If you know you have good intentions, and you don’t set out to hurt people, then what do you have to feel bad about. Best wishes to you Dawn.
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Dawn Reply:
April 17th, 2013 at 7:18 am
Thanks Adele, I appreciate it. I am very fortunate to have wonderful friends, and the mutual support we get from each other is fantastic. And you’re right, I don’t apologize for being who I am and having standards – I have so much love to give and I want to spend that energy wisely. Life is too short to be surrounded withf with jealous or insecure people who drag you down – I choose to be in relationships and friendships where we lift each other up and celebrate our lives together.
Crystal
58 days ago
I’m loving this article and truly relate to most of these posts. I was feeling pretty down because of this issue lately and felt much better after reading this, so thank you all!
, I’m much happier believing the truth about myself and trying to pour positivity into the lives of other women because each of us matter and are oh so precious.
I’ve never understood jealousy and have experienced this abhorrent, petty behaviour nearly my entire life. I was a competitive ballet dancer for a large portion of my life and eventually left my passion completely heartbroken. I was too young to understand what was happening and what continued to happen until recently. I’ve always been an open, cheerful individual that is quick to include and accept others but paid a hefty price regardless and even believed there was something wrong with ME. It brought me alot of shame and I was even foolish enough to cut off my beautiful blonde hair and dye it brown in an attempt to blend in, even hide.
To be honest, I think those that are jealous are obviously insecure but I’ve always felt it stems from being ignorant and assumptive. Who am I to judge another female based on her outter appearance? Does it mean that because she happens to be attractive that she hasn’t had the same or worse struggles in her life that I’ve had? Would that not make me the shallow one…she’s simply competition and the buck stops there? Negative thinking is a CHOICE, therefore, so is feeling insecure in the first place, let alone partnering with jealousy and there is certainly no excuse for acting on it.
I think as females we can naturally relate to one another in so many positive ways but many choose the “everyone for themselves” mindset instead. I don’t care if people think it’s “natural” to be jealous, like some animalistic urge, that’s a lie they are likely believing to justify putting others down so they can feel better about themselves.
I was fortunate, I decided to start over and went back to college a second time. I excelled at it while working two jobs at the same time, met an amazing guy who loves and encourages me. Now I have a fantastic career because I decided I was worth more than the unfair rejection and disempowering words spoken over me. Ironically, alot of the girls I used to be friends with “dropped off the map” (as they were threatened and could never be happy for me) and I’ve made new ones with similar spiritual values and we don’t hesitate to encourage and edify eachother any chance we get. Although I still experience nasty behaviour here and there for seemingly unexplicable reasons
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Carrie Reply:
March 25th, 2013 at 12:10 pm
Hi Crystal,
Thanks for posting this insightful, honest response… I’ve just gone through a major life change, break up, etc, and removed 2 ‘friends’ from my life who were totally unsupportive due to jealousy (documented by me and another friend of one of the women) of both my home, the ‘things’ I had, and my body, which I’ve worked very hard to keep in good shape all my life. I too, was a gymnast for a decade up until I was 17, then quit cold turkey one day because of being unsupported by my Mother!
I’m ‘up to there’ with these insecure women who manipulate their smiles, words and supposed ‘friendships’ only to benefit their own damaged egos. It’s encouraging to hear that you’ve found a circle of true girl friends who are like-minded! I look forward to surrounding myself with similar women as well! I’ve met two new great friends recently, who are totally supportive, sweet, and secure in their own beauty, abilities, etc. Hallelujah! They do exist!
Cheers!
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Crystal Reply:
March 25th, 2013 at 1:37 pm
Oh thanks Carrie!
It is so nice to relate to and be related to by women who’ve weathered the same experiences and still manage to stay grounded and rise above. Everyone has their own unique journey and testimony and I love hearing about them!
I can totally relate to the lack of support from family, it’s traumatizing not to have to support from those you love and need. I hope you regain your passion in one way or another again! I’ve felt totally revived revisiting mine lately, I feel it’s a key peice of my identity.
I’ve also had it with females who allow themselves to be used for destruction. It is really hard not to take it personally sometimes, it’s annoying and hurtful. I don’t think it’s fair we are punished for taking care of ourselves and acheiving a life that makes us happy, let alone simply entering the public sphere!
I read Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Womans Soul by Stasi Eldredge and it brought alot of perspective and healing to my life!
There is something to be said for finding truly great friends, I’m happy to hear that!
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Carrie Reply:
March 25th, 2013 at 3:43 pm
Thanks, Crystal!
Well, my ability to remain ‘grounded’ has definitely been challenged lately. But alas, I’m regaining it! After a lifetime of this stuff, I even remembered a neighbor that wanted to fight me when I was about 9 because she was jealous that I took gymnastics classes!, it gets old. I’m glad I put my foot down with both of the unfortunately sick women who both put me down to my face. One was my ex-maid of honor, who had the nerve to tell me I was spending too much on my wedding, when my wedding was actually less than 99% of people spend by thousands. I told her every woman is entitled to her wedding the way she envisions it. Its so sad, but it has ruined our friendship, I just couldn’t forgive her after realizing how she sabotaged my wedding, telling me she ‘needed a new roof more than a dress and shoes she’d never wear again.’ Then weeks later she all but admitted she was jealous because we had the money to spend on it. Wow, what a kick!
I am much more cautious now about how close I allow other women to get to me before spending a good amount of time around them or involving them in my life in any big ways.
Thanks for the book recommendation, I will get it!
Best to you and your future! Hold your head high!
Heather
62 days ago
These jealous women made my life Hell for years. My sister and I are highly feminine females, we always liked girly clothes, heels, hair and make up. When I was in high school girls spread lies about me saying I was a whore etc.. Even some of the female teachers were out to take me down. To make matters worse I had a butch/union sex cousin that hated me and like to gang up with the other girls and laugh at me when I walked the hallways. Some of the butch ones liked to start fights in the bathroom and make fun of my hair and make up. I could not believe some of the nastiness and blind hate I saw. My sister also worked in a office of all women and they made her life hell also gossiping non stop and once leaving a nasty threatening note on her car showing a flat tire on her front wheel. None of them would be friendly or speak to her and they made the evil stares and laughed when she walk in everyday just as they did me at school. These women made sure she did not get the job promotion she worked very hard to get.,things became so bad she was driven off and decided to quit. Alot of these women were in their 40′s and 50′s and they still act like they are in high school. I’m glad to see we are not the only ones who have had these experiences. The sad thing for me is its hard to make female friends. I thought things would get better as I get older but some women are still up to the same old games. It’s silly to live in such pettiness and ugliness of the spirit.
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deedoubleyou
73 days ago
I just wanted to say that this article has reassured me and made me feel much better about myself. It’s just what I’ve needed to hear! I’ve always saw myself as a tomgirl. The reasoning for a “tomgirl” is that I like to do lads activities yet express my femininity through the usual hair, make-up, clothes, nursing course, etc. For my entire waking life I have been bitched about and actively brought down for I don’t know why. Now I do- because I must be feminine! It stopped once I started uni, then happened again not too long after I started (by a “butch”) But alas, she was dealt with. There has been nothing for over a year. These past couple of weeks I’ve noticed that I’m starting to lose a bit of weight, have a part time job which earns me commission, and just appear generally happier in myself as I’m seeking treatment for anxiety. Now all of a sudden two of my friends are behaving badly. I’ve not done anything to upset them but today they actively WATCHED me in work from the coffee shop opposite and made fun of my hair. How did I find out? A facebook post. Can someone tell me who actually does this? Now I’m not being paranoid because they were making fun of the size of my put-up. I like big hair so I bought one of those big donuts for it. Now my collegues poked fun but we do that to each other and wasn’t snidy. I just don’t understand why these girls are behaving like this? CAN SOMEONE HELP OR GIVE ME REASSURANCE? I live with them.
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maria
82 days ago
i found this article very helpful i worked as a barmaid until my boss ran off without paying the bills and clearing the place out so i lost my job and when new owners took over the pub i thought i would ask if there was any chance of them hiring me briefly i explained the situation and was asked to leave to my number but recieved a really frosty reception i hadn’t been in the pub for over a year when two days ago the weather brightened up and i decided to go in for a pint the girl behind the bar made it obvious she didn/t like me rolling her eyes body language off and fake grin i was perfectly polite and shrugged it off trying not to take it personally then i decided today to go in for a lunch time drink and the woman who rents the pub her face dropped as i walked in the atmosphere was cold and i didn’t feel welcome at all she even made a point of asking if i wanted a diet coke well my first instincts were definitely right but my mom always said its when they stop insulting you you have to worry as youre no longer competition . i am feminine and if you don’t have it you aren’t likely to get it im not a jealous person but if your on the recieving end of it brush yourself off walk tall and remember they are not worth getting upset over( easier said than done i know) good luck and take the high ground
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Love
82 days ago
This is a really nice and thoughtful article. I believe that every beautiful and feminine lady out there, should endeavour to embrace her values, feminity and all. Feminine and lovely ladies are rare these days and its a great thing to be labelled as one. Although, as you stated, one must never let another insecure or maniulative individual to bring her down. Beautiful work I must say. Keep up the good work dear!
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Anna C
87 days ago
I have a story. It is true that other women can sense femininity and get scared by it. I would say I’m a pretty feminine woman. But I realize that sometimes, I can be that jealous woman. Usually, I’m very happy to see another feminine woman… BUT… not if they seem attracted to my man. If this occurs, I get into very territorial mode. I become almost dark feminine but also very aggressive inside. I’m usually a very spiritual person. Last weekend, we had a big dinner, and there was this very feminine girl sitting at the table beside my man. He introduced me as his girlfriend, but this girl and him went to the same college- a strong commonality. So, I was threatened. AND the fact that she seems SO feminine, more feminine than me. My man even took it a point to pay for her dinner, and mine too, and he does NOT have a lot of money. At first, I was LIVID. But then I realized that he paid for her dinner because he is a kind man, and he knew she was not rich, and new to the city. And they had some good conversations. I did not blame my man for what he did, because I know he wouldn’t be the cheating type. He’s very loyal. But I was livid because I saw this girl looking my man up and down, several times during dinner. I knew she wanted him. But I was ready to fight her, in my mind. I knew she would not last if she tried anything. But still, I knew WHY I didn’t like her – and that was her femininity that I wanted. She seemed more feminine than me. I suppose in this case I would need to build up my own value instead of tearing hers down. I would need to be more feminine than her so that my man would be more attracted to me instead, and never her. But it’s still very scary to deal with an unattached feminine woman who seems to have eyes for your man. That is a very difficult and delicate situation.
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Ann C Reply:
February 25th, 2013 at 9:56 am
So, how does one maintain radiance (a feminine trait) when you feel natural aggression (a masculine trait) towards someone?
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Emily
88 days ago
Thank you so much for verbalizing EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON. I worked with a few John Candy’s and some Wesley Snipes and some Newmans (from Seinfeld) all women… some in their fifties using vile (that was a shock) language. They were frequent users of social networking too. I like the technology, but was surprised at how insidious these aging grandmothers were. They are so manipulative and pit others against others and then speak of religion and praise. I have seen it all. They then go online to befriend randoms and create an online persona likely. I’d heard them speaking of online situations and be so taken aback at their immaturity, inner ugliness and stark jealousy. They would be severely afflicted. I knew that I had a special-ness to my walk and a dip in my hip and arch in my back that they likely did not appreciate. I knew that my voice was lulling and my smile inviting. I knew that I liked kindness and would erect a tall wall where inner ugliness resided to keep those destructive jealous fems at arms link where they couldn’t touch me. Well they reached a little further.
Others early thirties. though I was “the nicest person in there” they proceeded to tear me down. Horrendous incidents you would not imagine. My longstanding relationship years and years long, my beautiful skin, classy fashion, self purchased home, self purchased new car, good credit, perfect attendance, over perfect productivity measures and respectful and YES EXTREMELY FEMININE disposition asserted me in the TARGET PRACTICE category.
I had lumber Jack females calling me names, invading personally, sabotaging me. I stuck it out and ignored with passiveness and smiled still. The more accolades and compliments the more rabbit they became. It was like Cujo…..except, I had no relationships with these dogs. I had only been nice, but after hearing how insidious they were to others, I kept my distance and kept it to hi and by mostly. They began to converge to get me off of my job and finally it worked. I am on the verge of losing everything. Its funny because the company and supervision was so disgusting that they did nothing much…even when others spoke up however silently.
Nothing…
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WilMadison
89 days ago
Hello there! Love the website. Made me think of an article I found the other day defending physically beautiful women. Not a common perspective but a clever one.
Wrath of the Rotund
by Guy Somerset
http://takimag.com/article/wrath_of_the_rotund_guy_somerset#axzz2LGfwPnv2
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AMM
91 days ago
This is kind of long but here I go.
When I first started dating my Boyfriend of 4 years I become close to his older brother. Him and I had so much in common and we were identical in so many ways. Eventually he married this women who seems to be a nice Christian women. Me on the other hand I did accept Christ but I was rough around the edges because I was bullied my whole life and I was scared to show emotions out of fear of rejection. As time went out Things got worse for my family and I was homeless at age 19. My BF helped me move to where he was going to school and I was closer to his brother and his sister in law. I would hang out with them a lot because I didn’t have any friends since I was new. Eventually his wife began treating me badly and would make snide comments towards me. for example. I told her I got two jobs to work and I was excited to start. What does she say to me? That’s good it gives you less time to eat.. I let it go.. Then one day I was alone with her and she told me I was no longer allowed to be friends with her husband. She said she was jealous of me and I was too much like her husband and felt threatened having me their. She told me not tell him because he would think she was nuts. I got so offended and hurt I ended up not talking to either one of them in a long time… Eventually he began to act weird towards me and my boyfriend would force me to take him to see his brother and sister in law and I told him I never wanted to see them again. I was just so hurt by the shadiness of this girl. She is foreign and would talk crap on me to her mother and that’s why he mother was always rude to me. I never figured it out until she tried to accuse me of being a home wrecker. It hurts so much because I lost a friend and It’s all because I was too much like him.
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SirenSong
106 days ago
Not that it matters, by the way, but Gloria Steinem lead the feminists in America in the 1970s and was absolutely drop-dead gorgeous… you can look up pictures of her undercover at the NY Playboy Bunny Club to prove it!
But the real point is that you owe all the modern day rights you have as a female HUMAN BEING to feminists. If it were not for feminists, men would not have given you the right to VOTE, the right to OWN PROPERTY in your own name, or the right to control your own sexual and reproductive choices. It’s feminists that gave all of us women the ability to use birth control, and prosecute bad men in the court of law for being deadbeat dads, for rape, for sexual harassment, for not paying equally for equal work, etc. How you could possibly equate all of these basic human rights which have only been granted by law because of feminists, as a matter of ugly women being jealous of “feminine” women, is beyond insulting.
I happen to be a beautiful, young woman – AND a feminist. Because, *gasp*, I like being able to vote. And I like being able to own a house without a husband. And I like being able to have a credit card in my name, and the freedom to choose whether or not I want to be a parent. I like being treated like an equal in society – at least by the letter of the law – and not as disposable eye candy who needs a mans permission.
If you want to talk about jealous women, it’s the “feminine” wall-flowers who are jealous of women who take charge, kick butt, and look amazing doing it. I’ve heard more bitchy, nasty, incredibly jealous comments about “masculine” and very *sexy* women like Angelina Jolie and Madonna than anyone else… because they are completely comfortable with their sexuality, with their beauty, make absolutely mind-boggling amounts of money, have every man on the planet checking them out and have no problem wearing the pants (and the dominatrix boots!) in a relationship. And all the boring, submissive, would-be-housewives out there, who just long for a man to tell them what to do, can’t hold a candle to these real women of beauty and action.
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R Reply:
February 8th, 2013 at 11:47 am
Actually, it’s the women’s rights movement that gave women the right to vote among other things. The feminist movement didn’t come until later under the guise of women’s rights, fyi.
What Renee says is true, a lot of feminists seem to be angry, bitter women who see femininity as a weakness, you being one of them. Embracing your femininity doesn’t mean you’re denying anything to yourself, just accepting your true feminine nature(there is such a thing, contrary to what feminists believe about gender roles). And btw, I can only imagine how your relationships with men must be: An angry constant battle. How sad.
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SirenSong Reply:
February 8th, 2013 at 3:30 pm
Seriously? Read a history book! All groups who pushed womens rights forward, who believe that women should have equal rights to men as they both deserve basic HUMAN rights, are “feminists” by definition. So far there have been three “waves” of the feminist/womens rights movement, the first fought for the right to vote in the early part of the 20th century, the second (in the 60s/70s) gave women reproductive choice and various other legal rights in the workplace (such as equal pay for equal work, maternity leave and no sexual harassment) and the third wave of feminism has expanded to include more minorities such as women of color, immigrant women, lesbian, bisexual, transgender women, and others.
Secondly, there wasn’t a single word in my post about “embracing your femininity” or “femininity being a weakness.” My post was about basic HUMAN RIGHTS that feminists had to fight for to benefit ALL women, and for that they deserve our upmost respect. You clearly want to imagine some really bizarre things about “femininity” in order to create a fake argument. I personally don’t give a damn if you embrace “your feminine nature” or not, if you stay home to be a mom or climb a corporate ladder, or both, and it’s the FEMINISTS who gave you the RIGHT to choose the life you want. Because before feminists fought for legal and social and cultural changes, you had no choices other than being a second class citizen. That you would even argue against this, is beyond belief. It only shows your massive ignorance about what life for women was like before women had basic rights.
Did you know that before the late 1970s, single mothers giving birth in catholic hospitals in the US had their babies stolen from them, and put up for adoption, without the mother having any say in the matter – because they were considered “unfit mothers” for not being married? And that this was LEGAL!??
You really need to educate yourself. There are a lot more important issues in the world concerning the mistreatment of women, than your “expressing femininity”. Women are denied life, limb and property, systematically raped and kept as virtual slaves around the world by men, and you just want to make sure they are “feminine” enough, and don’t ever get angry. Give me a break.
When it comes to gender “roles”, the feminists rightly believe in set gender roles, that people should be free to choose whatever role they want – where as you claim there is a “true feminine nature” and put all women in a box. It’s hard to believe anyone could be so closed minded as to think that all women are naturally 100% submissive and “feminine”, and any woman who fights for her basic rights or gets pissed off because she’s expected to sit down and shut up in society, is somehow denying her true “feminine nature.” There is a lot more to being a woman than you seem to think.
I mean seriously, you must still live in the victorian era and be taking your cues from Freud to think that women can’t also be world leaders and CEOs and successful in all walks of life, and that any woman who doesn’t bat her eyelashes and speak in a soft, submissive voice when her rights are denied is just ‘confused’ about her ‘role.’ And rather than making any kind of intelligent argument you try to personally ‘insult’ me by saying my relationships with men must be terrible… is that really all you can think of to define a womans life? How she gets along with a man? Talk about a second-class complex!
I’ve yet to meet a modern man who didn’t agree that women deserve the same basic rights as human beings as men do, in the workplace and in society. It’s only confused, ignorant-of-history-and-the-world women like you, who completely define themselves by the presence of a man, arguing against your own freedom that drag us all down.
Oh and FYI for you: Men *worship* strong, confident women who know their own worth and don’t settle for less. You should take a lesson from Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, Queen Elizabeth, Catherine Hepburn, Elizabeth Taylor…
You have a lot to learn about the issues and the facts, and I can’t waste any more time. Get educated and stop fighting against your fellow females basic rights – I’m done.
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American Men Reply:
February 19th, 2013 at 1:11 pm
Free clue. Men don’t like women who have your attitude. Strong women don’t have your attitude, because they are secure and self-assured, and have nothing to prove and nobody to blame.
Strong women don’t politicize relationships and gender, and those who do are shunned by men of worth. Life is too short to waste on a resentful man-hater.
Catherine Reply:
March 18th, 2013 at 7:20 pm
I did not get to read this entire thing but it really pisses me off when some women are afraid to say “I am a feminist.” The definition of feminism is that you agree with women’s rights. I understand there is an aggressive or masculine perception of feminists because of some of the protests but come on ladies, not all feminists hate men. Many men love a strong (yes feminine) but strong woman. It takes a strong woman to stand up to jealous women, to raise kids, to love even when not being loved and to have enough self respect to believe they they deserve the same pay and right to vote. Femininity does not mean passive, it means love. Would it not be better to embrace all women? Especially the jealous ones could use love to know and feel their own worth!
Ace Reply:
March 11th, 2013 at 10:26 am
I’m really sorry to hear this, I too, was forced to quit a job I loved (and had taken a considerable albeit temporary pay cut for which in turn led me into debt since I then had to quit), with a boss I loved because a jealous (and get this, she was, I thought, more beautiful than me, but apparently more insecure because my boss took me on a business trip after I’d only been there 6 weeks and never took her in 3 years) co-worker set me up to look like I was the one to cause a project to be done in the nick of time instead of the 3 weeks ahead of schedule I tried to get her to help me with it in. I had the emails to prove I had been asking her (my boss actually assigned her to help me since I didn’t have all the know-how she did yet), offering to stay late or come in on the weekend to get it done, but she stalled, then made us come in at 8am when the project was due by 10am and we finished it as the lawyers were walking by our desks to pick it up. My boss came down on me about it and didn’t want to listen to reason. So I quit. What else could I do? I saw where this was going to go, she had senority and I knew I’d need her again for questions.
So sad that women are so petty to waste one another’s time, and all the amazing things we could be accomplishing in the world. I just went through another battle this week with my neighbor who tried to break up me and my fiance over her jealousy for my beauty, the way I dress, etc. She has hounded me since we moved here 2 years ago, but then pretends to be my friend to my face. Why can’t women see that beauty truly does come from within and support other women? We are all losing because of these insidious battles.
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Heather Reply:
March 22nd, 2013 at 6:05 pm
Thanks for sharing your story I have been going through these same issues with women for years. I agree jealous mean spirited women are not always the butch Lumber jack types. I have been surpised by a few that I thought were beautiful on the outside could act just as bad or even worse than the butch types. I often think they may feel your their competition, that maybe you take the “spotlight” off of them around men, so they decide to ruin your life. I read that back in the 70′s Raqel Welch was making a movie with a young beautiful Farrah Fawcett ,Raqel was very mean to Farrah on the set refusing to say anything kind to her even making nasty comments about Farrah’s teeth , hair, etc.. Amazing to me as beautiful as Raqel was that she would have felt so threatened by another women’s Beauty. It”s the classic Snow White story. I’m not a jealous type myself . I enjoy having friends that are younger and prettier than me, because I feel I can learn things from them and we can learn from each other. . I agree all this pettiness is such a waste when we could all be suporting and kind to each other, think of all the good friendships we miss out on because of all this silliness. The sad thing is alot of grown women 50′s + are actting just as bad as they did in high school. No matter how little or how much beauty we have outside the beauty from our hearts is what counts the most and even the most beautiful woman in the world can seem wicked when her heart is cold.
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Mary89 Reply:
April 5th, 2013 at 7:52 am
I agree with SirenSong about women rights. Personally I think every woman has the right to be the one she wants: masculine, feminine, sexy, girly, tomboy, “wall-flower”, etc. The point is THE RIGHT TO CHOICE. Dont judge her comment so angrily. Btw, I cared that most deadly jealous women are the ones who try hard to look sexy but cant. They are in a permanet competition to attract men, so it s hard for them to be around a beautiful feminine woman who attracts men easily without doing any special effort.They are not srong women, because these type doesnt care much about male attention. I dont say they are never bitter but lots of them make sisterly friendships with more delicate women, even protect them. If you think a strong woman is a miserable who lacks love & feminity, so why you hate her? You should pity her. It seems that some weak( & not necessarily more feminine) women are jealous of strong, active women.
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Aileen
117 days ago
Thanks for the great article on feminine confidence. I don’t have a bitchy personality myself but have always had female coworkers make nasty comments about what I wear – I love wearing feminine clothes – one used to wear shoe thongs everyday! I love being a real woman & even now when I go to cafes etc (i am 42 years old) I find that I am very comfortable talking to all staff – male & female staff, I am lucky to have a lot of male admirers & I think again its because I love wearing beautiful clothing & now being older I have to deal with ageism as well ,one female 20 something staffer told me that i am a married woman & shouldnt flirt with the male staff – we are talking to each other & I am a very friendly person naturally -it doesnt mean that I want to sleep with every man I talk to but she makes me feel this way..I feel sad us woman have sacrificed our friendships. I ignore what younger women tell me- I live my life the way that I want to…Thanks for the great article.
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Ace Reply:
March 11th, 2013 at 10:41 am
Rock on, sister! I’m 40, but people constantly ask if I’m 28. I’ve eaten well, work out, take good care of myself and, most importantly, keep a positive attitude despite the hoards of women who have tried to bash me, my feminine clothes, etc, over the years. Be proud of your femininity and your lovely outgoing personality! And keep ignoring!
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Dawn Reply:
March 27th, 2013 at 9:14 pm
Well, here’s the thing with the young women who put you down because of your age – beauty fades, but stupid is forever. What they lack in chronological age, they also lack in character and life experience, both of which can enhance attraction and connection to quality, masculine men.
Others often think I am only in my mid-30s (I am 45), and I am friends with a man years younger than me. I know he finds me attractive and we do have a connection – however, he has a girlfriend who is 10 years younger than him – and she likes to gloat and I know she’s made comments about my age. Who cares? I can’t change my age, but I have more class than she ever will, and the right guy will want me for everything I have to offer, even though physically having children is not in the cards for me. Let them have each other – I have better things to do than feel insecure because some young, ignorant girl thinks she’s better than me because of the birthday on my driver’s license.
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Marie
119 days ago
I came across this doing a search and it’s a very interesting article. I too struggle with this from time to time but not so much now as before. It tends to slow down as you get older and others around you that have caused problems like this age as well or just simply vanish. I still have to deal with one person in particular but it’s through a “second” party so to speak and I don’t have much contact with her, but I do understand it’s very difficult when you’re still in the midst of it and have not much of a choice in avoiding it, like in a workplace.
I can never understand what motivates women like this to perform such cruel intentions towards an innocent simply based on their own insecurity… Especially when dealing with adult aged+ women, it’s like dealing with a hormone imbalanced teenaged girl at times and can become very frustrating when their signs are clearly visible to everyone else but themselves. They fail to understand that it’s shows clearly through their body language and their immature actions despite whatever efforts they use to cover it up. What’s a shame is whatever “comfort” they feel by doing this type of harm to another is short lived, when the answer to true comfort is so simple: Be satisfied with what God gave you. It’s that simple.
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R Reply:
February 8th, 2013 at 11:50 am
Yes, I too find this behavior the saddest when exhibited by grown women. So immature and frustrating…
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Ace Reply:
March 11th, 2013 at 11:02 am
Hallelujah! Tell that to my 65 year old neighbor who has spited me behind my back and smiled to my face for years, all the while coming to my house for parties while slowly but surely making digs into my looks, choice of clothing, etc. This week, 2 months before my wedding, she, for the 2nd time in 2 years, tried unsuccessfully to break my fiance and I up. When I stood up to her and told her everything I don’t care for about her negative attitude and obvious jealousy she sent an email to my fiance calling me a narcissist. All I’ve done for years is tried to boost her ego by helping her with her uncountable issues with literally every person in her life, both her sons, people at her old church, her ex husbands, ex friends, hmmm, is there a pattern here… there is no one in her life that stays because she drives everyone, especially young women (her daughter in law) away from her.
And yes, it is absolutely the saddest coming from a woman who is old enough to be my mother and should be nothing but kind, sweet and supportive to me, as I’ve been to her. Instead she befriended a 19 year old boy to the point that my fiance and I started joking calling him ‘the surrogate’ boyfriend since she says she’s also given up on men.
I think there needs to be psychological counseling for these women, specifically focusing on this issue. Women as a gender have enough challenges in life, we don’t need to be adding to each others’ headaches. Be happy with what God gave you, jealousy is so ugly and petty.
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Heather Reply:
March 21st, 2013 at 10:09 pm
OMG! I experiened the same thing with a older lady who like you said I tried to help by befriending. She seemed like a sweet innocent motherly type at first but after a few months the nasty comments started and never stopped. I tried to give her excuses because her son recently died in a drug deal gone bad. I had also had a recent loss of a loved one and was trying to help her taking her food , sending cards etc.. I was being a good Christain kind human being to her. She also had alot of x husbands, xfriends and xneighbors , even her own sister and neice wanted nothing to do with her. That should have told me something also. Within months she turned into a monster and turned on me cutting me down in front of other people and making nasty remakes about my clothes and hair etc… She started asking to borrow things like my small TV and never offered to give it back then she wanted me to help paint her house, demanding that I do things for her all the time even useing a nasty tone with me on the phone more than once. It was turning into a nightmare. I was going to be this woman’s doormat if I let her. I finally stood up to her and told her I didn’t like being constantly criticized and it was best I go my own way. She told me “She was sorry I felt she said something wrong” LOL! I truely believe this woman may have had some sort of psych drug addiction that was adding to her nastiness, because she was constantly taking pills and mixing them with booze. It taught me alot about who I get involved with in the future. If you let the wrong people in your life they will rip your self esteem apart..Thanks for sharing.
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Carrie Reply:
March 28th, 2013 at 8:22 am
Thanks, too, for your reply and such a similar story, Heather! It’s at least very comforting to hear others stories and how they have worked through them.
I spent 2 years constantly building up my neighbor’s esteem about her arguments with her sons, her body, etc. Now I realize, after sending her a very point-blank “stay away from me with your negativity” email, that avoiding having her in my life at all is a good policy. She starts to feel bad after a while and sent me this email saying she “didn’t realize how horribly I thought of her”. So I know she is now going for my pity, but I’m not giving it to her, because it will just start the vicious cycle all over again where she pretends to be sweet and be my friend, then starts the negative accusations. She is very jealous of my body (which I’ve literally worked a lifetime to keep in decent shape) which I don’t totally understand because she’s not in bad shape for her age. I know the problem is just a level of crummy self-esteem which I can’t totally relate to and I do, on some level, feel bad for her, but I also know she is the only one who can help herself.
Thanks for sharing and good luck with your neighbor! Hold your head high no matter what!
Have a great day
Heather Reply:
April 1st, 2013 at 8:41 pm
Thanks for the reply. I’m lucky that this older woman was not my neighbor but lived out of town from me. I was able to end it and never have to see her again ,it’s been several years ago . She also tired to make up to me with a few cards saying “she missed me” lol. I agree with you I think alot of the way she actted was from her own insecure self esteem problems and jealously. You are right I’m sure she would be back to the same old vicious cycle had I got back in contact with her. This woman had also been very pretty when she was younger and was still attractive for her age. I understand everyone can feel insecure about getting older but they should not take it out on us. I was going through a hard time myself and this crushed me at the time because I really thought I had a friend in this person. I finally got sick of the constant snide remarks , I knew for my own self respect I had to get away from this person. It also helped me to watch Joyce Meyer and listen to her motavational tapes. I agree lets just hold are head up high no matter what!
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Laura
160 days ago
If you are beautiful, other women may hate you. Be beautiful anyway. If you are successful, others may resent you. Be successful anyway. If you are happy, others may be jealous. Be happy anyway. Because in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
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Mari
164 days ago
erin, you are so lucky to have attended baby as art! i am on the wtiniag list and met brittany and carrie at wppi at the asuka booth. your newborn work is really looking fabulous! i love it. it is a goal of mine to get better and better at newborns. i love working with them. what is it about them that makes it such fun? i know what you mean! if you ever wanna do something together i’m all for it! i love to practice and play. such great work! lesli
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