How to Deal With Jealous Women

How to Deal With Jealous Women

How to Deal With Jealous Women

A more physically ‘perfect’ or glamorous woman needn’t always cause jealousy amongst other women, but a beautiful, feminine woman can cause enormous jealousy.

If you’ve always been a beautiful and feminine woman, you would have experienced countless jealous looks and perhaps even jealous schemes, engineered by other women. It’s everywhere. And you can be a plain Jane and cause this jealous stir among other women, because you have something other women feel they do not; the amazing and mysterious force of femininity.

And, jealous women can be women on the street whom you don’t know, or even a jealous friend or jealous friends, in the form of ‘frenemies’ – friends who sometimes seem like a friend, and other times seem to want the worst for you. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

Good looks do not keep a man. Every woman knows this deep down. And a physically gorgeous woman; even a famous woman crowned the most beautiful woman in the world, cannot have it all. Take Halle Berry for example, having been cheated on or left by every man she’s been with. Take Marilyn Monroe, who died way before she should have. Take Elle Macpherson, who in her 40s still has gorgeous looks, and yet she hasn’t held or kept a man. Take for example the large number of famous women who have committed suicide or died of some sort of drug overdose. No amount of beautiful looks or fame will fulfill a woman. You can be the most beautiful woman on earth, and still feel unloved.

But when a woman is truly feminine, she tends to never ever be short of men in her life if she’s single, or if she’s taken, she may find it hard to fight off her man’s adoring, admiring affections even if she wanted to. :)

Jealousy on Fire

More often than not, a loving, devoted and amazing man in another woman’s life will cause jealousy on fire in some other women.

More often than not, even if a feminine woman is single, other women will hate her, for no reason other than the fact that this woman has something that they feel is out of reach for them; true, radiant femininity and consequently, beauty! Which is the ultimate attractor of masculinity. Every woman can achieve true femininity, but not every woman does. In fact, women who are jealous are often not even really aware of what this other woman has that she doesn’t. All she knows is that she wants what she’s got, deep down.

Feminine women attract male attention. Feminine women can have the pick of the bunch, and yes, feminine women CAN have it all. Because true femininity is radiant and gives love. It is love and it is a force for life. Feminine energy is adored by men who are masculine at their core (most men), and regardless of her looks, a woman like this may still get the pick of the bunch.

Throughout the course of your life, (if you follow the femininity movement and embrace your feminine sexual core), you will most definitely encounter a trail of hateful and angry women. Regardless of your age. Jealousy isn’t just incited in other women only when you’re young and beautiful. It occurs simply if you are beautiful. And femininity is beautiful. Men will jump hoops to protect it, love it, embrace it and chase it.

Jealous women may just give you a nasty look, a hateful sideways glance, and if you’re lucky, they may bitch about you behind your back. If you’re unlucky, jealous women will go out of their way to bring you down.

And in this heavily masculine ambition driven society, there are plenty of them. Because women suppress their feminine energy to get things done, and to conform. So they don’t often get what they truly want to experience. Which is love.

Ultimately, we’re all looking for a feeling, and more often than not, most women want to fill up with love and to give love. Masculine women don’t tend to attract this in to their lives. So if you are feminine, you’ll have something that they feel they are missing out on, yet don’t quite know what it is or how to achieve it.

And life is unfair to start with. So we don’t all have the same opportunities. We’re not all born with stunning looks, and we’re not all given the requisite knowledge to live happy, fulfilling lives and to enjoy enriching and fulfilling intimate relationships and marriages.

Now if you’re a very feminine woman, you will most likely not feel a great deal of jealousy if you see another beautiful woman who is truly happy. In fact, you’ll most likely be really happy for her and want to revel in this happiness with her. Even if you do not have it yourself! This may be because you feel you too, can have what she has.

You are a rare creature :) not all women can revel in the good fortune of another woman.

If you are the kind of woman who feels guilty being in the spotlight, and although you feel and enjoy being feminine, find it hard to fully enjoy it without feeling bad about taking away the spotlight from other women.

Never dull your femininity to make other women feel like they are enough.

There’s a reason why anti-feminists often say that it is unattractive women who instigated the first and subsequent waves of feminist movements. (please note: I don’t know how accurately researched this video is, and I am aware that it is not necessarily true that it is solely unattractive women who instigate and support Feminist movements). However, I understand their position and can see why they perceive this to be the truth.

And unattractive is not purely physical. I believe a woman can actually change her looks and become uglier on the outside through her internal thought processes.

One way in which you can deal with jealousy is by befriending the jealous woman and lead her to feel more confident in herself, and being more giving to her. Giving her reasons to feel loved and accepted. That will bring out a different side to her. And, you can show other women who are less confident that they can have, and deserve to have everything that they want and need. However, there are times when women just don’t want to change or feel truly great about themselves. In these cases, you’ve just got to do some serious ‘pattern-breaking'; breaking of their patterns/habits! :)

How to deal with jealous women

If you find yourself in a situation in which you are surrounded by oppressive women who you can sense are not only talking about you behind your back, but actively do things behind your back to bring you down, it’s time to take action. Because you cannot let women like this walk all over you. A woman still has to be able to put her foot down when it is needed. (read my article about passive, aggressive and difficult women)

You may believe that a feminine woman should just stay quiet and perhaps just sacrifice her own needs to avoid being around these women. Not true.

I have said before that a feminine woman needs to have a masculine part to her as well; and this is a situation in which you need to go in to more masculine mode to stand up to women like this.

A story

I’ll give you an example. In my own life, I’ve experienced being in a workplace full of women several times. This time last year I was working as a perfume ambassador. Whilst in some places, women in this type of occupation would be quite feminine (and there were a couple where I worked), there were a few very masculine and butch women. (Click here to take the quiz “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

On my first day, I encountered a young woman who also worked as a perfume ambassador, just for a different agent. I adore people, so I cheerfully introduced myself and intended to make a friend. Before I noticed the energy she was putting out. She had no interest in befriending me, in fact she immediately asserted herself as a manager, but made her position sound higher than what it really was. Because I was new there, I was easy to fool.

We shall call her ‘B’.

Immediately, B was asserting herself upon me and I was following her commands, although I actually wasn’t obligated to follower her commands. But she was still very oppressive, and I made the mistake of getting stuck in a ‘master-servant’ type role with her, which was very uncomfortable.

B’s intentions showed up more when I needed her expertise to guide me to where to find items, where other products were located, etc. She would never be concise and accurate. She was always deliberately vague, so much so that I had no idea where she was pointing me to. She wanted me to keep asking her, and ultimately, look foolish. I unfortunately let myself fall in to this role with her repeatedly.

She also knew I was never taught to use a register, and that it wasn’t a part of my job to be able to use one; yet she would tell me to put things through the register in front of a customer, and walk away without offering assistance.

During these incidents, I had to ask her repeatedly for directions and she would roll her eyes at me when I couldn’t follow her instructions. I kept on with this situation because I didn’t really want to believe that she could be so deliberately manipulative.

I noticed also, that her behavior got worse when my man came to visit me at work. He did this often, and was always very affectionate, protective and loving. He often picked me up from my shifts. Sometimes he would bring me a drink or food for my lunch break, and other times he just came briefly, to see how I was. I began to sense that every time he did come to see me, she would pull another woman aside, and talk about me and point at myself and David.

Over time, I noticed that the other women who I thought I had made friends with stopped wanting to talk to me. I felt left out and excluded. I ended up in tears in the ladies’ room, and found it hard to work. I found it hard to push on in this environment, and the energy was very bad.

One day her and another colleague were talking, and she confessed that she had never been on a date (she is 24, nearly 25) or had a man interested in her. I felt bad for ‘B’, and thus continued indicating that I was still open to her, and open to befriending her in some way, as I am with most people.

Until one day I met another colleague from a different department who told me how she was in tears one day after work because of the way ‘B’ had been treating her. I was forced to acknowledge that ‘B’ was preying on seemingly ‘weaker’ and softer women, who were more feminine, and more vulnerable, as this new colleague I met was very feminine.

And this is the trouble with being a very feminine woman. Whilst the majority of men will love you for it, and not want to hurt you in any way, there will be women who will want to put you down. Women, I find, tend to be different around other very feminine women. I’ve met women who love this and feel at home with other feminine women, but I’ve also come across women who smell femininity from a mile away and proceed to trample all over it. I personally love women, and celebrate femininity.

You’re probably wondering how I ended up dealing with ‘B’. One morning, I noticed that one woman whom had always been nice to me stopped talking to me completely and starting being very snarky. I had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with B. So I took the liberty of confronting my friend and asked. Indeed, B had told her, among other things, a blatant lie about me.

So I went up to B and confronted her in front of every employee, stating to her that she shall come to me from now on, to tell things to my face, rather than telling fibs behind my back. I proceeded to ask her why she was doing it, and I hadn’t seen myself cause fear in another woman for a long time, but I had to do it to liberate myself and to show her that I wasn’t going to tolerate her behavior.

The point of my story is to show that there are scenarios in which a feminine woman must assert herself and go in to more of a masculine mode. It’s all part of being a dynamic and whole woman who is able to bring out different sides of herself when it is needed. (read my article about light and dark feminine)

You need to raise your level of masculinity, become even more masculine than them, to bring things back to a little more fairness.

When confronted with jealous women, or even other aggressive women who disrespect you or your womanliness, it is important to stand your ground, rather than shy away from it. I learned this lesson, as I let the situation go on a lot longer than I should have!

Bring out the goddess in you, download your “Goddess Report”.

Do you have any strategies to deal with jealousy from other women? Or do you have any juicy stories? Feel free to share with us :D




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  • Sue Dot

    Reply Reply December 17, 2014

    Hello Renee, I am so, so relieved that someone else has gone through this. Most of my life, I have been at the receiving end of negative comments from females. It started in the playground at school, women at work, women walking past me in the town (whom I did not know from Adam), my neighbours living opposite me, women at social gatherings (again not known to me). Finally, to cap it all, women in choirs and at church would you believe? I used to love singing and Bible reading, but now I keep well away; I now lead a very quiet life, mind my own business and keep my mind and hands busy. Granted, being an auburn haired person with brown eyes certainly is different from the norm, but for goodness sake why the cruelty? Stop all this catty bullying; it drives many poor souls to commit suicide. Thank you for reading.

  • Elbee

    Reply Reply December 17, 2014

    I truly appreciate this article and the posts because I have been mistreated and abused because of my femininity for as far back as I can recall. It was not until I recently began to assess my relationships with females that I realized their insults and mistreatments toward be were stemmed from jealousy. Although many men were able to detect and advise me of this, I was always in denial and blamed myself for the way women treated me. I always thought there was something wrong with me because I could never get with the cattiness and gossiping (which they shamefully call “sisterhood”). Although it’s sad to know there are other women experiencing this, I’m glad to not feel like I’m the one with the problem. I’m actually content with flushing these bottom-feeding, backbiting, jealous parasites into the toilet where they belong. I now only surround myself with truly feminine friends and I feel all the better.

  • Miranda

    Reply Reply December 15, 2014

    Amazing article. I am 28 and have constantly faced envy from female colleagues through the years. This has created major problems in my professional life. Men love me, most of my friends are male and I seem to easily get help from them. They would do anything for me. Women treat me with hostility and resentment and play all kinds of nasty games like ignoring me, talking bad behind my back, treating me very aggressively and rudely, etc. I am a passive, live and let live idealistic person, a lover not a fighter and always let them abuse me in this way. I don’t know how to stop their behaviour. I try to be even nicer to them so they will stop but they get angrier, and I end up feeling discouraged. Men always come to my rescue in situations like this. It’s frustrating though to be so hated …

    • Kylee

      Reply Reply December 15, 2014

      Hi Miranda,

      It’s funny how we all feel like we’re suffering alone yet your story is like the story of my life. Men treat me much better than women. I used to feel that there was something bad or wrong about me and I’ve destroyed my own self esteem by letting them get to me. But I finally realised, none of their husbands act this way toward me. So if i was such a bad person, wouldn’t everyone hate me? I guess I am likeable and the problem is the women. I have stopped blaming myself and started seeing women for what they really are. None of the mums at school will look at me or come to say hello to me but the husbands will come over, ask how I am and have a friendly catch up. I try to be nice to women. I pay compliments. I smile and show interest and generosity but I get nothing in return. Just today, a woman who could be described as an attractive woman, was dressed in a lovely dress. I thought I’d try to break the ice by paying her a compliment. She smirked and grunted as she swept past me. Sometimes I think the attractive ones are threatened because they think their position at the top is threatened. I have a very good looking husband who treats me and my family with love and devotion. Many of these women will not acknowledge me unless David is there. And then suddenly there’s smiles and hello’s all round. It’s unbelievable. Yesterday another very rude mother, who has been passive aggressive to me for years now, abused me from her car. Finally, I had enough and wrote an email to her condemning her bitchiness and told she’s just another face in the world of jealous bitches (not in those words but that was the drift.) I also asked her if it made her feel good to single out one woman to treat like shit. Of course she pulled the innocent act but that’s another female trick. Act innocent. I decided no more being nice. No more paying compliments. No more saying hello. I will not spend my life looking for female approval. I know how hurtful and confusing it is to feel like a germ that women are desperate to get away from. But I find the best way to piss a nasty woman off is simply, look better than them. That’s all it takes. I don’t participate in female friendships anymore. They are too destructive. You cannot trust them. They will attack you the first chance they get. Even without reason. It’s hard… but rise above them. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change it. I’ve spent 40 years trying. And after finally confronting one of the main culprits, I feel better and stronger. The funny thing though, two women in a certain clique at school who have been disapproving of me for years and are dismissive of me every chance they get, suddenly they both went out and got the same hairstyle as me. But that implied compliment does not take away the pain of their bitchiness. Women are still living in caves. They are not evolved. They still have claws and fangs unfortunately. And I don’t expect that I will ever have a good female friend for the rest of this life. Quite frankly, I don’t want one. They are not worth the destruction they bring. So keep your head high, look better, dress better, let them know they don’t affect you even if they do. Because right or wrong, they will not change and showing vulnerability will not soften them, it will give them a target for their arrows.

  • Abigail

    Reply Reply December 15, 2014

    I am glad you wrote this post. I have been under this kind of oppression for years.
    But did not know it and then had no clue how to handle it. Its actually happening right now. I recently started working at an office, and I have taken quite a bit of ridicule for dressing classy feminine (dresses and heels). My boss (a man) jokingly told me to wear flats. This is only one small example. Recently I had one woman who almost always has some critical words or cut down towards me; went to my manager and threw accusations about me that resulted in me being forced to take on the receptionist duty of answering the phones, when my position has yet to be fully formed. I know its from jealousy and trying to belittle my position here. So I went to my manager and came clean with her. I was vulnerable with her of how it affected me and the persons snippy remarks toward me. It is a very small company so I have to act wisely. Yet the outcome was good. I can still tell the effects have changed the ability to for lasting friendships here with most ppl.

  • sadgirl

    Reply Reply December 15, 2014

    I relate to a lot of these comments. People can be downright mean to shunning you for being genuinely kind. I guess they suspect something. I dont know. Men can be hateful as well if they have low self esteem. They won’t protect you. It is important to still love and forgive. Don’t let these things harden your heart.

  • Via

    Reply Reply October 19, 2014

    “Every woman can achieve true femininity, but not every woman does. ”

    Sorry, but I don’t agree. There are hopeless cases which are just too bitter and angry. Being feminine also means to sacrifice modern lifestyles, behavior or benefits in society which are just not ladylike. Few are willing to do it.

    • Kelly

      Reply Reply November 22, 2014

      Here is the thing ladies, there is always going to be someone younger, prettier, more attractive, smarter, sexier,ect than the next one. So ladies stop being jealous of one another and embrace one another. Attractive ladies, stop crying the blues and acting like it’s you when you know that you would probably feel just like the ladies looking at you in a room filled with women who are superior looking to you ( because- guess what- they are out there) Focus on your personalities, your talents, don’t cross boundaries and flirt with your friends significant others ( and don’t act dumb and pretend that you don’t know how to act properly in the company of your friends boyfriends or husbands or try to get narcissistic attention) . The question is – What talents do you have and what do you have to offer other than being beautiful or pretty because that is really not a talent and it’s not really THAT interesting. Be compassionate, humble, loving, kind and good. If the jealous ones get out of control, have self respect and don’t put up with bad behavior. However, just try to stay centered and understanding and a bit more well rounded than “just pretty” or “just beautiful”. Coming from someone who has been attractive her whole life and who realizes that there is more to life than just looks!!!!!! Wake up ladies and start getting along and empowering one another instead of tearing each other down!

      • Kylee

        Reply Reply December 15, 2014

        We have tried getting along. How dare you minimize our experiences. Maybe we don’t want to spend our lives dancing for other women. Who are you to say we trade on looks? Who are you to say we don’t use our talents? Who are you to say any of that stuff? You sound like a misogynist. Crying the blues? That is really disgraceful. People suffer depression and anxiety due to the way their lives have played out for them and you call it the blues?

        You’re on the wrong forum.

  • Clarice appleton

    Reply Reply September 20, 2014

    Why some women are so nasty and jealous of other women I find hard to understand myself. A person may not have beautiful looks etc but she may have a beautiful kind nature which is just as important I think. The inward exterior is sometimes plays a more important part in a person personality In my time I have known many women some I was not that friendly with as they where always criticizing their friends to others with such venom. I find that men don’t seem to be as catty towards their fellow men as women are sometimes are towards their fellow women. As this article says some women are very jealous of good looking women and go out of their way to be nasty to them this is terrible state of affairs I think. I hope I never get like that these type of people need to get a life I think. Except people the way they are or not at all move away from them and leave them alone.

  • lee

    Reply Reply July 3, 2014

    One thing that I admire– and I’m only saying this because I am this way- is a beautiful woman who acts and dresses with grace. Who doesnt need my husband’s approval or any man’s for that matter. Who considers her friend’s husbands — these men are completely off limits and shows this by dressing respectively for the love and security of her married female friend.. to consider the gift you have being beautiful by realizing how you dress and behave around other women’s men shows great depth, love, respect and kindness towards your female friends with men.. we do not have to wear tight clothes, show cleavage and use our bodies/gestures to catch every man’s attention.. we are not on this earth for that!
    Women need to give up this need that overrides respecting their friend’s marriages and relationships. . There is no good coming from a friend who dresses sexually around her married friend’s husband– or for that matter, her married friend’s teenage boys.. it is hurtful, destructive and mostly very very ugly in spirit and in deed

    • Adele

      Reply Reply August 1, 2014

      I disagree and think that a woman should dress to make herself feel good. If a beautiful woman thinks she has to dress down around my husband or “modestly” to protect my relationship, it feels condescending to me. This would mean that she would think herself so sexy and desirable that she herself is a threat to my own marriage and that my husband would not choose me over her if given the opportunity.

    • Grace

      Reply Reply August 31, 2014

      Thank you for the article and posts. It is difficult to be around a group of woman who are so clearly jealous of you that several behaviors begin to crop up over time. One is that one person from the group begins to either dress like you, buy the same makeup/accessories as you do or literally do things as you are doing them such as going back to school or dating. It seems as though the group of young woman that I meet from time to time have found a way to integrate the things that I do expressions that I mention and adopt them. And, there was a time for a very long while when they seemed to actually look up to me and was interested in me as a friend/person. Now, they have grown in their own ways though are not being as respectful to me as they used to. There is one woman in the group who I do not get along with however somehow she has won their hearts. The reason I do not care for her is for two reasons. One is that she used to interrupt the one in the group whenever she tried to speak and I thought that was rude. The second reason is because I am very spiritual and one day she made fun of that. I have been through a tremendous amount of loss and difficulties throughout my life since childhood and believing in God is innate. God is the reason I get up in the morning the rest in my life is secondary etc. So the group saw that I had a reaction when she disrespected me and they seem to favor her. I feel that it is best I do not get together with them though we have been doing so for 6 years. I just will not tolerate that kind of behavior and at the same time it is difficult to leave a group woman that I have a history with. This can happen gradually though it needs to happen. I deserve respect and truly caring friends. Thank you for the examples and good words. I wish every the best in all of their relationships. Grace

  • Kylie P

    Reply Reply June 24, 2014

    I have had the same problem my whole life. I always thought it was because I was too weak and let people “walk over” me. But I have always been my parent’s favorite, even by siblings my most jealous sibling I have been purposefully dragged down. Which still did not damper my parents view of me because they knew who I was all of the years of my life, and were aware of the aggressive personality of my sibling. To start off I have always been a loyal friend to a fault. I have always been kind and willing to do what I could to please and help others with their problems. It started in 5th grade and there was a break and in my junior year of high school things got really bad. I had been the captain of my cheerleading squad for 2 years. I was pretty good at cheerleading but I believe my coach chose me to lead the team not because I have ever been a great leader but because of my fairness, respect for others and rules, empathy, and drive to make others laugh and feel good about themselves. A new girl came into our school and befriended a girl that I was friends with. I was at a small private school and there were only about 15 girls in our graduating class so pickings for friends was not the best. So I accepted this girl as a friend and her and my friend became very promiscuous girls. We went to a Christian school and so rules of moral obedience were a top priority so I thought. We went to cheer camp and we had some girls who were freshman on our squad. They were very innocent girls who had been in the Christian private school all of their lives and did not know much about sex or anything of that nature. The two girls “my friends” proceeded to tell these young girls about their sexual escapades. I overheard them but decided to stay out of the conversation. I let the young girls know in private that I was a virgin and that they should stay virgins until marriage because it was not worth giving themselves in that way to a young boy who wouldn’t value or be with them within a week. So the girls naturally went and told their mothers of the things they had heard from the 2 girls. Their parents contacted our dean and she summoned the whole squad in for a meeting to discuss the claims. The two girls “my friends” denied the allegations. The freshman girls swore it was true. The “tie breaker” fell on me. Our dean asked me “Before God tell the truth is it true?” So what could I do, I told her it was the truth. After that those girls made my life a living Hell. I ended up eating in the bathroom everyday for lunch and crying at home at night. They vandalized my house, and this is when the internet had just started, they harassed me on instant messaging. They had girls from other schools who did not know me harass me as well. It was very hard to deal with and so my parents moved me to a smaller homeschool/school environment. I would go to school 2 days a week and the rest of the time I was supposed to be homeschooled but I had already acquired enough credits that homeschooling was not needed. So what happened to the girls? They were never expelled, instead the dean began to favor them and give them opportunities no other student had, it was very bizarre but years later I found out that she had been fired for being corrupt financially and morally. In some way I felt a little vindicated in that regard, she had put me on the line and let me burn. The new school I went to had many girls who were saving their purity and who were actually plain in their looks but they were the most physically and emotionally beautiful people I had ever met because of their sweetness and pureness. I enjoyed my senior year because of them. There was never any jealously just love! One of the girls tried to “friend” me on Facebook and I declined her request and did not message her back when she attempted to plea for my friendship as if nothing had happened. The other girl was also blocked from my Facebook. I am not here to say you have to be a Christian or a virgin to be feminine I am only saying that those were the values and personality traits (kindness, loyalty, compassion) that I possess that has drawn many women to try to bring about my demise. I have multiple stories but I am only sharing this one…all the others are equally as bad. I feel sad for them.

  • Tamara

    Reply Reply June 19, 2014

    I’ve lived in North America all my life and am all too familiar with the American womans attitude towards feminine women who are real about it. Looking back I honestly believe that my first run in with this kind of jealousy came from my own mother. She was undeniably a jealous woman, period. Starting when I was very, very young, about 7 or 8, she would make horrible, crushing comments to me about my appearance. She also made a concerted effort to ensure that I believed I looked like a boy. She even went so far as to have my hair cut in a severely short style, which, much to her chagrin, looked fantastic on me. But I was unable to absorb all the compliments I recieved because I was completely brainwashed into thinking I was hideous. My mother even deflected admiring comments made to her about me! She would counter every one if not straight out deny it was true. She compared me to other girls to express how much prettier they were. She denied me any access to any kind of feminine expression, be it ribbons, girlie clothes (or even new clothes) as well. She wouldnt even allow me to have a coveted Barbie Doll. I had absolutely no self esteem. I believed her and became an easy target at school. In particular, I was called ugly and referred to as a dog. It went on through my entire time in grade school without a fight from me. Around the time I turned 13 my body began to take the form I had longed for, and gave up hope it would ever arrive. But it did, and with a vengance! In the midst of my transformation the young men at temple took notice. After one boy in particular took a longer than normal glance at me I asked my mother when I could begin to date. Her reply? “Whatever age you are when someone is stupid enough to ask you out.” Those were her words, verbatim. It wasn’t long after that when someone was stupid enough and I was not allowed to go out with him. Even when I was given the initial ok to have a date, my mother found any nit-picky reason she could conjure up to punish me for and force me to break it off. But still, my femininity, now undeniable, was not going to go waste if I could help it. It started out rough, with me never having been taught the coy little games used to lure a guy into my world for any period of time, but I continued to express my femininity, and continue shining in all its glory to this day. (I never did learn or get the point of those “chase me” games and never took to playing them)
    Going to work is unbearable some days, especially now. Until recently, I still had that deeply ingrained notion that I was boy-like. But not too long ago I had an epiphany. A true, bona-fide realization of self. At that moment I was able to release all the dogma which had been shoved down my throat that I was still allowing to possess me. I became free, confident, and really didn’t give a damn if anyone felt negative towards me. I didn’t crawl to these frenemies anymore, with pleas for forgiveness of whatever I had done to make them whisper about me and exile me from their cliques. I actually do not care anymore if they don’t like me and see those actions as a game to boost them up from their insecurities. I am confident within myself that I am a good person. I am an extremely loyal friend, even if the friendship ends. The confidences shared are sealed files in my mind because I have no desire to hurt someone that way. And I would never be a home wrecker. Not to my friends, or to anyone. I don’t need to steal anyone’s man. Not with so many other options available to me! But attention from any man is too much for my catty co-workers to deal with. I have been bullied, slandered, and they have made deliberate attempts to severely hurt me. Unfortunately, I’ve made the mistake of letting it go on too long, which has exasperad the situation. Now that I stick up for myself these ladies have even more fuel for their disgust in me. I’m getting extremely indignant reactions to my unexpected, no nonsense (however kindly worded) none of your buisness answers to the prying questions they ask. I’m no longer bowing down to their need to even the playing field by giving them information to pick apart and judgmentally use against me. It will take time, but they’re just going to have to get used to it.

    • lee

      Reply Reply July 3, 2014

      Feminine energy is very real.. for me, my friends tend to befriend me because at first glance the assume im safe because I have a few extra pounds.. but as we go out together and we spend more rime together they become aware that those extra pounds do not keep me from receiving glances from men.. and their fondness.. I am considered youthful and curvy.. I dont wear dont tight clothes but prefer to dress cute but conservative. .I do not flirt but do smile a lot.. I have a wonderful blessed family life.. husband is a very cute doctor, loves God, treats me with love and a loyal devoted family man.. we have no weird problems. . Just simply thankful happy folk who have worked and sacrificed to get where we are in life..
      So I guess that is a recipe for haters.. they are everywhere. . Sadly in church.. at the work place.. sister-in-law loathes me and has sadly taught her children to look upon me the same.. I have tried kindness, generosity,love to no avail..
      I would love to have a friend.. someone who is happy with their own life that can understand and appreciate that I am actually happy with mine..
      Last, since I lost weight, the haters are even more hateful..

    • Gillian

      Reply Reply August 14, 2014


      I have very similar experience with my own parents. The wounds can run deep.

  • wow

    Reply Reply June 9, 2014

    Reading your article made me feel better that there are more beautiful women outside in the world that are just as envied and treated so jealously over nothing.I also worked at a perfume counter that had the same issues and we also had a tyrant there that was jealous of all the girls especially me.This girl E pretented to be my friend but started talking about me behind my back.E hated when men would come in and tell them there honest opinion of me they thought I was beautiful because I was sweet and didn’t hide behind piles of makeup like she did.She hated when the guys or people would tell her nice things about me.The good thing was I had a whole dept of people that just went off on her for bullying me even thoguh I ended up finding another job I realized how sad I felt for her that she hated herself and treated nice women that way.E had a friend that worked with her that was also a bully her friend had a mental breakdown in the dept and I always rushed out to clean up her area and help her out with her customers while she was gone only to find out later she was talking about me to when I could have said mean things about her I reached out in kindness instead.Just knowing that people disliked them was their punishment they didn’t need me to tell them anything.Till this day I hope they are not bullying anyone.I had to go through so much she would say I had fake boobs,why didn’t I wear more make-up and random things like that.I have over the years learned to befriend these types of women as to put them at ease that I’am not a threat.I moved in 2 years ago to the block and a neighbor told me I was a breath of fresh air and so every woman started hating once I started improving the area cleaning out the alleys,getting repair work done to the streets,cleaning the house that I moved into making it look 100 times better it was simply because I love plants and cleaning up.I had them running outside everytime I was out there competing shamlessly if I watered they watered,if I put up a birdhouse they did,whatever I seemed to do they copied.I even had a man competing with me hiding in the bushes and running off when I came out.He would start watering when I came out or just run outside when I came out.I had them copying my hairstyles ,clothes and at first it burned me up that they were doing it out of spite.I eventually started to say hello to some and befriended some and most of them stopped there are only a few now that continue the same drama.If I buy some plants they will put out the same thing I have outside if they see me working out they will be outside trying to work out.If I water they will water.I have learned to be friendly and not let it get to me as I realized some people have no inner happiness and no self esteem so they look to others to try to fullfill their lives by trying to become like them or put them down to make themselves feel better.In the end people see who the copycats are or see who the bullies are and don’t like it.I have learned to stay away from the jealous,spiteful ones and do my own thing.The thing that I learned is that they can only last so long trying to put you down and they can only last so long copying you before they get tired of not being themselves and we can only keep finding peace and happines by being ourselves and trying to be kind and loving and people will always back you up when you have no malice in your heart.

    • Theo

      Reply Reply July 13, 2014

      Hi Lee,
      Sounds familiar! I also have no close female friends. I have a wonderful husband and children. We both work and are successful. Help out as much as we can at church. But for some reason friends come and go. Just lost another one after receiving an award and being featured in a news parer article… I go out of my way to make people happy, however they all drift away.

  • Teri

    Reply Reply May 1, 2014

    Hello – I would like to define what I think feminine means, beyond the more superficial ‘looks’ aspects. And, by the way, ‘feminine’ aspects of nature can be held by males, as well – though frequently to a lesser degree. femininity, I believe, encompasses ideals such as gentleness, helpfulness, flexibility, empathy – and a kind of willingness to listen to others, and not just forcefully hold dear our own limited opinions. I think this comes down to the traditional roles of the female in nurturing those around her in order to do her part (sorry) in keeping families/tribes/etc. in a well-balanced atmosphere where children could thrive (and repeat the sequence as adults.) These were truly traditional female roles of many generations before ours – not to be ‘coquettish’ but, I contend, as an adaptation, and so were not contrived but, instead, very organic. This is what is so beautiful, to me, about true femininity. Still, I don’t imagine that even long ago, some women were not cranky, or jealous, or even bossy. But I still think the idea was to basically nurture others, to help others (particularly for the sake of one’s own children) to thrive. In other words, in order to help ensure human survival, I believe nature kind of set it up this way. I also believe that traditionally, in many cultures, certain things have been run by the more ‘masculine’ ways of doing things; things such as groups acquiring land and power, etc. Wars were the typical consequence and war is the direct opposite of what the ‘feminine’ ideal brings to the table. So, I was under the impression that feminism started as a kind of opposition to the ‘masculine’ ways of power struggles and violence to achieve an end. The idea being that women can listen, women can relate, women can give and take. But I think what happened is that feminism, when it first starting with the whole equal rights efforts (about which I have no issue with) became instead a kind of convoluted way of bashing the masculine, while paradoxically ending up actually emulating it. In other words, women some how felt that since they desired the same rights as men, they ought to start acting more aggressive like them, etc. This actually means that what started out as feminism, actually kind of morphed into the anti- feminine. For, if one remained truly feminine in nature, she perhaps hadn’t gotten the memo that women need to be more dominant and controlling. I think this is subconsciously where the dislike may come from. It’s as though feminine women are seen by the more aggressive, masculine-natured women as being sell-outs, or something. And I do truly see this as an odd sort of phenomena – even down to watching a group of women pounding the table in front of a televised football game. Sorry, kind of seems awkward to me to this day. I think our culture in general has shifted to favor the masculine, to shun the feminine. I think it’s a rather unfortunate state of affairs, by the way.

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