How to Deal With Jealous Women

Deal with Jealous Women

How to Deal With Jealous Women

A more physically ‘perfect’ or glamorous woman needn’t always cause jealousy amongst other women, but a beautiful, feminine woman can cause enormous jealousy.

If you’ve always been a beautiful and feminine woman, you would have experienced countless jealous looks and perhaps even jealous schemes, engineered by other women. It’s everywhere. And you can be a plain Jane and cause this jealous stir among other women, because you have something other women feel they do not; the amazing and mysterious force of femininity.

And, jealous women can be women on the street whom you don’t know, or even a jealous friend or jealous friends, in the form of ‘frenemies’ – friends who sometimes seem like a friend, and other times seem to want the worst for you.

Good looks do not keep a man. Every woman knows this deep down. And a physically gorgeous woman; even a famous woman crowned the most beautiful woman in the world, cannot have it all. Take Halle Berry for example, having been cheated on or left by every man she’s been with. Take Marilyn Monroe, who died way before she should have. Take Elle Macpherson, who in her 40s still has gorgeous looks, and yet she hasn’t held or kept a man. Take for example the large number of famous women who have committed suicide or died of some sort of drug overdose. No amount of beautiful looks or fame will fulfill a woman. You can be the most beautiful woman on earth, and still feel unloved.

But when a woman is truly feminine, she tends to never ever be short of men in her life if she’s single, or if she’s taken, she may find it hard to fight off her man’s adoring, admiring affections even if she wanted to. :)

Jealousy on Fire

More often than not, a loving, devoted and amazing man in another woman’s life will cause jealousy on fire in some other women.

More often than not, even if a feminine woman is single, other women will hate her, for no reason other than the fact that this woman has something that they feel is out of reach for them; true, radiant femininity and consequently, beauty! Which is the ultimate attractor of masculinity. Every woman can achieve true femininity, but not every woman does. In fact, women who are jealous are often not even really aware of what this other woman has that she doesn’t. All she knows is that she wants what she’s got, deep down.

Feminine women attract male attention. Feminine women can have the pick of the bunch, and yes, feminine women CAN have it all. Because true femininity is radiant and gives love. It is love and it is a force for life. Feminine energy is adored by men who are masculine at their core (most men), and regardless of her looks, a woman like this may still get the pick of the bunch.

Throughout the course of your life, (if you follow the femininity movement and embrace your feminine sexual core), you will most definitely encounter a trail of hateful and angry women. Regardless of your age. Jealousy isn’t just incited in other women only when you’re young and beautiful. It occurs simply if you are beautiful. And femininity is beautiful. Men will jump hoops to protect it, love it, embrace it and chase it.

Jealous women may just give you a nasty look, a hateful sideways glance, and if you’re lucky, they may bitch about you behind your back. If you’re unlucky, jealous women will go out of their way to bring you down.

And in this heavily masculine ambition driven society, there are plenty of them. Because women suppress their feminine energy to get things done, and to conform. So they don’t often get what they truly want to experience. Which is love.

Ultimately, we’re all looking for a feeling, and more often than not, most women want to fill up with love and to give love. Masculine women don’t tend to attract this in to their lives. So if you are feminine, you’ll have something that they feel they are missing out on, yet don’t quite know what it is or how to achieve it.

And life is unfair to start with. So we don’t all have the same opportunities. We’re not all born with stunning looks, and we’re not all given the requisite knowledge to live happy, fulfilling lives and to enjoy enriching and fulfilling intimate relationships and marriages.

Now if you’re a very feminine woman, you will most likely not feel a great deal of jealousy if you see another beautiful woman who is truly happy. In fact, you’ll most likely be really happy for her and want to revel in this happiness with her. Even if you do not have it yourself! This may be because you feel you too, can have what she has.

You are a rare creature :) not all women can revel in the good fortune of another woman.

If you are the kind of woman who feels guilty being in the spotlight, and although you feel and enjoy being feminine, find it hard to fully enjoy it without feeling bad about taking away the spotlight from other women, please see this post and watch the video.

Never dull your femininity to make other women feel like they are enough.

There’s a reason why anti-feminists often say that it is unattractive women who instigated the first and subsequent waves of feminist movements. (please note: I don’t know how accurately researched this video is, and I am aware that it is not necessarily true that it is solely unattractive women who instigate and support Feminist movements). However, I understand their position and can see why they perceive this to be the truth.

And unattractive is not purely physical. I believe a woman can actually change her looks and become uglier on the outside through her internal thought processes.

One way in which you can deal with jealousy is by befriending the jealous woman and lead her to feel more confident in herself, and being more giving to her. Giving her reasons to feel loved and accepted. That will bring out a different side to her. And, you can show other women who are less confident that they can have, and deserve to have everything that they want and need. However, there are times when women just don’t want to change or feel truly great about themselves. In these cases, you’ve just got to do some serious ‘pattern-breaking’; breaking of their patterns/habits! :)

How to deal with jealous women

If you find yourself in a situation in which you are surrounded by oppressive women who you can sense are not only talking about you behind your back, but actively do things behind your back to bring you down, it’s time to take action. Because you cannot let women like this walk all over you. A woman still has to be able to put her foot down when it is needed. (read my article about passive, aggressive and difficult women)

You may believe that a feminine woman should just stay quiet and perhaps just sacrifice her own needs to avoid being around these women. Not true.

I have said before that a feminine woman needs to have a masculine part to her as well; and this is a situation in which you need to go in to more masculine mode to stand up to women like this.

A story

I’ll give you an example. In my own life, I’ve experienced being in a workplace full of women several times. This time last year I was working as a perfume ambassador. Whilst in some places, women in this type of occupation would be quite feminine (and there were a couple where I worked), there were a few very masculine and butch women.

 

On my first day, I encountered a young woman who also worked as a perfume ambassador, just for a different agent. I adore people, so I cheerfully introduced myself and intended to make a friend. Before I noticed the energy she was putting out. She had no interest in befriending me, in fact she immediately asserted herself as a manager, but made her position sound higher than what it really was. Because I was new there, I was easy to fool.

We shall call her ‘B’.

Immediately, B was asserting herself upon me and I was following her commands, although I actually wasn’t obligated to follower her commands. But she was still very oppressive, and I made the mistake of getting stuck in a ‘master-servant’ type role with her, which was very uncomfortable.

B’s intentions showed up more when I needed her expertise to guide me to where to find items, where other products were located, etc. She would never be concise and accurate. She was always deliberately vague, so much so that I had no idea where she was pointing me to. She wanted me to keep asking her, and ultimately, look foolish. I unfortunately let myself fall in to this role with her repeatedly.

She also knew I was never taught to use a register, and that it wasn’t a part of my job to be able to use one; yet she would tell me to put things through the register in front of a customer, and walk away without offering assistance.

During these incidents, I had to ask her repeatedly for directions and she would roll her eyes at me when I couldn’t follow her instructions. I kept on with this situation because I didn’t really want to believe that she could be so deliberately manipulative.

I noticed also, that her behavior got worse when my man came to visit me at work. He did this often, and was always very affectionate, protective and loving. He often picked me up from my shifts. Sometimes he would bring me a drink or food for my lunch break, and other times he just came briefly, to see how I was. I began to sense that every time he did come to see me, she would pull another woman aside, and talk about me and point at myself and David.

Over time, I noticed that the other women who I thought I had made friends with stopped wanting to talk to me. I felt left out and excluded. I ended up in tears in the ladies’ room, and found it hard to work. I found it hard to push on in this environment, and the energy was very bad.

One day her and another colleague were talking, and she confessed that she had never been on a date (she is 24, nearly 25) or had a man interested in her. I felt bad for ‘B’, and thus continued indicating that I was still open to her, and open to befriending her in some way, as I am with most people.

Until one day I met another colleague from a different department who told me how she was in tears one day after work because of the way ‘B’ had been treating her. I was forced to acknowledge that ‘B’ was preying on seemingly ‘weaker’ and softer women, who were more feminine, and more vulnerable, as this new colleague I met was very feminine.

And this is the trouble with being a very feminine woman. Whilst the majority of men will love you for it, and not want to hurt you in any way, there will be women who will want to put you down. Women, I find, tend to be different around other very feminine women. I’ve met women who love this and feel at home with other feminine women, but I’ve also come across women who smell femininity from a mile away and proceed to trample all over it. I personally love women, and celebrate femininity.

You’re probably wondering how I ended up dealing with ‘B’. One morning, I noticed that one woman whom had always been nice to me stopped talking to me completely and starting being very snarky. I had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with B. So I took the liberty of confronting my friend and asked. Indeed, B had told her, among other things, a blatant lie about me.

So I went up to B and confronted her in front of every employee, stating to her that she shall come to me from now on, to tell things to my face, rather than telling fibs behind my back. I proceeded to ask her why she was doing it, and I hadn’t seen myself cause fear in another woman for a long time, but I had to do it to liberate myself and to show her that I wasn’t going to tolerate her behavior.

The point of my story is to show that there are scenarios in which a feminine woman must assert herself and go in to more of a masculine mode. It’s all part of being a dynamic and whole woman who is able to bring out different sides of herself when it is needed. (read my article about light and dark feminine)

You need to raise your level of masculinity, become even more masculine than them, to bring things back to a little more fairness.

When confronted with jealous women, or even other aggressive women who disrespect you or your womanliness, it is important to stand your ground, rather than shy away from it. I learned this lesson, as I let the situation go on a lot longer than I should have!

Do you have any strategies to deal with jealousy from other women? Or do you have any juicy stories? Feel free to share with us :D

Renee the feminine woman

 

240 Comments

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  • K

    Reply Reply April 17, 2014

    I love this article.

    I have always had problems with other women hating on me and this article helps me feel more love towards them because it helps me understand where they are coming from. I have never had a problem making male friends, but female friends are far and few between. Yet, I love women – I love being around my own gender and sharing wonderful talks and experiences with them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my male friends – but often it seems that they are a different species.

    I had to quit a job before due to my immediate female supervisor making my life a living hell while I was there. She would trash talk me to her supervisors so they thought I was incompetent (even though I definitely was not), give me the hardest work, blame me for things I did not do, etc. The final straw for me was when she tried to make me sign a disciplinary paper stating I had done something I did not do. I refused and gave my 2 weeks notice the next day. I used to despise her – now I feel love and pity for her. I hope she eventually found happiness.

    Also, I am an engineering student and oh my – it is very, very hard to be a feminine woman in such a male dominated field where even the females are extremely masculine. But I love my field and I will not give it up just because I feel the ire of the few other females in my department. The guys love me (and yes, I am pretty, that does help – but I’m not a supermodel *smiles*) so that makes it a bit easier. I just wish the girls in my department would band together and help each other more instead of tearing each other down. I distinctly remember one girl saying that she hated there were so many girls (5 of us – which is a lot for an engineering course) in the class. I turned around and told her that I thought it was wonderful and that we should be working together. Of course, I later found out she has said some very nasty things about me.

    At any rate, I love this site so much. Everything makes so much sense and reinforces things I have always sensed but was unable to articulate. Thank you so much, Renee – you are a wonderful soul.

  • AriesP

    Reply Reply March 30, 2014

    Funny article as I have always dealt with women who appear to befriend me but in turn I find myself saying “There is a Judas Amongst Us”. I love women as I do men and I am never the one to say I DONT GET ALONG with women (being I am a woman myself) I hate that saying BUT I do tend gravitate toward the male friendships effortlessly. Currently, I picked up a working and friendship with a guy co-worker we have mutual friends outside of work and he is married. So I notice EVERYTIME I hang out with him and others if HIS wife is not there she has the “other WIVES” there to report back to her about me. One time a “wife” even went to the extent of showing a picture of his wife saying “LOOK ISN’T SHE BEAUTIFUL THIS IS WHAT HE HAS TO GO HOME TO EVERYDAY!” while I wanted to say get that ugly picture out of my face and while you are worried about her man I should NEVER show you the texts I avoid from YOUR husband. That was one occasion and the most recent I hung out again and “THE WIVES” were there when I left the happy hour I guess I was topic of conversation so that when my co-worker’s wife did show up they convinced her I had something going on with her husband (not mentioning I had 5 othere guy friends there and barely spoke to my colleague) Now the wife is calling me and stalking my linkedin page. I TRULY feel if I was a mud duck I would not have this problem (especially since THE WIVES are NOT the most attractive and me being a new face instills fear…one women even checked her man for looking at me when I left) Oh brother sorry for the long wind…I found this site because this is one of many stories and I don’t even think I am a Halle Berry status type chick but I am realistic, humble, sincere and adventurous with life and never pretentious I also have mastered the fem/masculine trait and men say they adore this about me tough yet all women….Great article I hope I can get this wife off my back (especially since he is leaving our company within a week like BIATCH chill out and BE SECURE your living in a million dollar home living it up yet you are soooo INSECURE it is disgusting and I told myself I will no longer hang with married couples I do not know. I do NOT have to chase after anyone’s man or husband for validation I am very successful myself so I guess I don’t get it…Anyways I know this was written years ago I just had to vent …take care!

  • Dora Alexander

    Reply Reply March 2, 2014

    I am married to a wonderful man. His ex wife HATES me. I have been nothing but kind to her. Before we were married I allowed to come over for dinner and even stay the night when her and my husband 12 year old son was here. The ex wife is 6 feet tall and built like a man. She does have a nice face too. I on the other hand am 5’1 110 lbs blonde and very girly FEM. I gave her complements and made friends with her. She started bashing her ex husband. This went on for 2 weeks. She did not want us together. We were married and she has turned all of their children against their father and myself. She has made up the worst lies regarding my past, and she knows nothing about my past. I do not know what to do……except be happy with my husband. Sincerely Dora

  • Kat

    Reply Reply February 1, 2014

    I am dealing with two wonderful creatures like this, ROOMATES, picture that .

    Today they went so far as provoking a fight just to try to ruin my day ! They are out of this world! They took the Lamp out of the hallway because there I went to look in the mirror !

    They are Passive Aggresive and they made this pact gang against me, lol ! And I answered in their OWN style, I been Passive Aggressive too, and kept my head HIGH !

    And the much better I do in my life, the more they hate me !

    They have no reason, I been polite and nice. But this is MY life, and these are just 2 frustrated Bimbos looking for attention..patethic

    I can`t wait to get out of there.

    Thanks for the Article.

  • Adele

    Reply Reply January 24, 2014

    I experienced so much jealousy at my graduate program from women that I wanted to quit. They really hated me :(
    On top of that, some of the men there could not handle their attraction to me and sexually harassed me to the point of depression.
    I like who I am, I understand that I’m gentle and feminine by nature, but it seems easier for women who are more in touch with their masculine sides, at least in my field. I also think its tough to be black and feminine, because black women are expected to be strong and hard. I definitely still carry a lot of pain from my experience in graduate school and the jealousy, gossip, and hostility that followed me there.

    • Anona

      Reply Reply January 24, 2014

      Hi Adele, I really relate to what you went through. I’ve been through similar things in many situations, including at university when living in the dorms and in some classes. My second undergrad degree was in the sciences, and I found this sort of thing, especially in the hard science (physics etc) labs. But I’ve found it in many other situations but especially in situations where it is expected for the person to be strong or more competitive. I’m very strong but because I’m sensitive and feminine and don’t try to act hard or masculine, but just be myself, women react with jealousy. And I also have had the situation of men harassing me because of it. I remember in particular going through that in the uni dorms and then getting into trouble with the unfeminine, hard female dorm director for finally reporting the harassment to her. A female friend saw the director’s vindictive reaction as being due to her jealousy of me, and I realized later that she was right (at the time I’d wanted to think well of people and hadn’t wanted to accept this).

      • Adele

        Reply Reply January 27, 2014

        Thanks for replying Anona. On the one hand it is comforting to know that I’m not alone in my experience. I often would wonder if I was just…wrong. If something was just wrong with me and the way I conducted myself. I don’t think I will ever understand why femininty arouses such negativity amongst people. Like you, I studied the sciences….health and medical sciences. I guess it’s the nature of the field. Maybe if I had gone into fashion or the beauty industry, or blogging, or cooking, and so on…there would be less hostility. Competitiveness I’m sure, but perhaps less. Still, it sucks that you had to go through that. I feel like pain like that never really goes away. I still cry about what I experienced sometimes. I’m actually thinking of changing careers. I don’t want stress like that following me my whole life. I had an experiences like the one you described with classmates,,professors, co-workers. Even though I understand that it’s down to jealousy, sometimes I still wonder why some women get so insanely jealous of me.

        • Anona

          Reply Reply January 27, 2014

          Hi Adele, I have two fields of university study, but this includes degrees (undergraduate and graduate) in the medical sciences like you. For me, although I found that the more stressful or competitive the situation, the more women tended to be jealous with me for not acting hard like them, this attitude can still be found in all kinds of situations. It’s up to you and what you feel you can handle, but I really think you shouldn’t quit. You said you are in your graduate program now. If it were me, my graduate studies mean so much to me, and they won’t last forever, I’d really make myself stick it out. You’ll be glad in the end that you did. Well that’s how I’d approach it anyway. Also, I do think you can find this sort of thing in all kinds of situations.

          It also seems to happen more if the person is more sensitive, but increased sensitivity is due to increased intelligence, which means that you have more potential with your studies than they do, which is why they are jealous. I saw a quote once that, “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, bully.” If you do a search on this quote you’ll also find a website that deals with this sort of thing. People bully when they feel weak and inadequate or lacking in something that they perceive the target is more talented in and stronger at dealing with. They then bully to hide their inadequacies and weaknesses which they project onto the target. They do this either consciously or unconsciously, or a combination of both, depending on how honest with themselves and good at thinking and self-analysis they are.

          Sensitivity and femininity are positive qualities. It is not you at fault but them, but bullies always try to make it look like via projection that the target is the one lacking. I always remind myself of this whenever I feel I’m in such a situation.

          As for the guys, they seem pretty immature, but in addition it seems you are the only one embodying the qualities they would like to see in women which the other women lack. But it also seems that they think of women as only objects and not people deserving of the same respect as all human beings.

          About feeling as though something were wrong with you, I went through this also from junior high until I finally figured out these things. You are just internalizing what those around you are projecting. They are doing it since they are insecure and think of you as having something they lack. So when you really realize that, you can be confident in yourself and stronger at dealing with their jealousy. Don’t let their jealousy make you give up your career goals, especially since you are more talented than they are!

          Personally, for me anyway, I see much more of such bullying behavior in anglo North American than anywhere else. But of course this is where women are taught that to be respected and equal with men, they must act like men. Any women who doesn’t want to act this way, regardless of how equal she feels with men, is treated with such jealousy. I’ve found it in other countries too, but usually in relation to how heavily those cultures are influenced by American thinking. I have found jealousy from women also when living in the cultures where men are more dominant (traditional cultures), but then it is more a competition for men’s favour, and I didn’t feel put down by women for being feminine since female femininity was the norm there. I think I know what you mean about black cultures though. One Kenyan woman in the UAE told me once that women there think they have to be aggressive and tough as self protection because of how men there treat women. I don’t see why they’d be that way with other women in that case though; women should be sticking together as a sisterhood in that situation.

          So when you think about it, whenever women are vicious with other women, it’s always somehow related to men: either women acting like men when trying to be respected equally with men, or women competing with other men for men’s attention. Women need to stop letting men set the pace for how they will see themselves, and how they will treat other women.

          It seems to me that people who are gentle and sensitive are more mature than these others, who are behaving like children in the playground throwing temper tantrums. Just believe in yourself and see this behavior for the immaturity and insecurity that it is.

          • Anona

            Reply Reply January 27, 2014

            Oops a mistake: I meant “women competing with other WOMEN for men’s attention”…(second last paragraph! )

            • Anona

              Reply Reply January 27, 2014

              OH, one more thing, Adele: A professor of Medicine (and department head) at my university told me once that he himself is sensitive, that sensitivity is a talent, and that the people best suited to the study of Medicine and the medical sciences are those who are sensitive (NOT those who are insensitive). In my opinion, if you can try your best to ignore these immature female jerks, then you are in the right field, much more than they are!

              • Adele

                Reply Reply January 27, 2014

                Thank you Anona, what you’ve written is very helpful. You’re a very wise woman. What you’ve explained about why people bully is something I will hold on to, especially when the going gets tough. :)

  • Anona

    Reply Reply October 16, 2013

    Hi Anna, thank you so much for your comments. I’m happy to see that I’m not the only one who has felt that way in North America. I’m not happy that others have experience what I’ve experienced! But only glad that I’m not the only one who feels that way about it. Maybe over time we can become braver about being ourselves when we are there and can feel more empowered.

  • Anona

    Reply Reply October 16, 2013

    Hi again Sayo, it’s hard to reply directly to your email since I can’t find the function to reply. Yes, I know what you mean about that. I’ve found that too. In North American society people esxpect everyone to be aggressive and forceful and if they are not they consider them “shy” or “weak” even if they are not that way but simply polite or not into going around proving themselves. This actually makes me lose confidence; I find that overseas I have much more confidence than I do at the times I’m back in North America. However, it is true that if I do show them my confidence, they sometimes might say that I’m too full of myself even though I don’t feel that way at all. Also, another thing is that now that I’ve been living 10 years overseas, and currently live partly overseas each year (go back and forth), if I mention to them any of my overseas experiences, which is totally normal for me since most of my life now is overseas and most experiences I have are those happening overseas, they then get upset about that. Someone actually suggested to me, and I believe this, that since anglo North American society is very competitive, its members are eager to push others down to prove themselves, but if anyone has something to offer which is greater than they have (such as true inner confidence and not pretence, or international travels or living abroad for extended periods, this is too much for them so they have to get in and be competitive about that, rather than just relaxing and sharing ideas). I don’t find that everyone is that way, but many of them. They seem a bit small minded, the ones who are that way. I know this is a bit off topic since it is not totally about being feminine, but being feminine comes into it as well. It is a bit too much for them to see that someone is not trying to prove themslev but still has something to offer naturally as part of themselves which the locals see as being more than they feel they have. And of course femininity is part of this as well. It is also something we might have in a natural way which they feel they lack. When in North America, I just have to make friends who are more like me. But there are not so many of them there. Or just try to spend time overseas.

    • Anna

      Reply Reply October 16, 2013

      Hi Anona,
      I hád to reply because I liked very much your comment. I have that same feeling while living in North America – that forceful competitiveness – and that is why I never felt that I fit in. It was slowly sucking my soul.
      I don’t want to be someone I’m not. I don’t want to play the North American loud obnoxious douche game with the masks anymore.
      I just wanted to say that I agree with you & thank you for your comment. I miss my time abroad.

    • Elle

      Reply Reply November 5, 2013

      Hello group Anona, I’m amazed at how I can relate so much to this article and to what a lot of the women of said here. I too have lived overseas for a couple years and every summer for the last five years, and I’m amazed at how much more I can relate to men and women in other countries rather than my own country the US… I heard some fantastic advice from a woman at my church last night, she said “don’t minimize or shrink yourself to make other people in the room feel better about what they’re lacking in”… This is how I feel when I’m being judged or someone seems jealous, I feel as if my personality implodes and I want to hide, even if it’s only a few people in the room out of the hundred, I can feel the glare and the judgment…. It helps me a lot to know that God’s view of me is loving kind compassionate and encouraging, and some negative women’s views of me are very small and very unimportant this keeps my perspective :-)

      • Anona

        Reply Reply November 5, 2013

        Hi, Anona, I really like your comment here. I’m also a Christian and spiritual person and although I totally respect women who are not and I know that many of them are also feminine, I think for me that being spiritual is also part of my being comfortable in my femininity. Also, I really like how your friend at church put it. That was a very good way of wording it; I’d not thought of that! That we should not minimize ourselves to make others feel better about themselves. But it is totally true that those who seek to dominate and bully others and to make them feel bad about qualities in themselves do so since they themselves feel they are lacking in those qualities and don’t know how to go about developing that part of themselves. I remember my mother saying when I was being bullied in junior high in North America (I may have mentioned this before) that the other girls are doing this (and it was mostly girls doing this) that they feel insecure since they see something in you which they may have once had in themselves but lost. At the time, I’d lost so much confidence from the situation, and I was so much less experienced in such things that I didn’t believe her, but I later realized that she was right, and I’ve even read psychological studies about such bullying which shows that this is right. Like you though, even though I know these things consciously, I feel myself in such situations trying to hide and minimize myself and I have to remind myself that this is just a reaction and that I am not the one in the wrong but that in fact the person doing the behaviour is insecure around me. Even if you can’t think of how to react at the time, at least remind yourself of this fact and it will make you stronger. And it will also help you think of ways to react to the situation or stand up for yourself, or protect yourself, even if it means by removing yourself from that situation. And like you, I’m also very sensitive and very aware even if a very minimum of people in a group are hostile towards me. But being sensitive is also a gift; it means that you are perceptive, and again it means that you are very much in touch with your feminine side. It can be a talent too which can be used in many ways.

        All the best and I’m so glad we can encourage each other here!

      • Anona

        Reply Reply November 5, 2013

        Oops I should have said, Hi, Elle!

  • Anonia

    Reply Reply October 15, 2013

    Hi Sayo, I hope you get my message. Thanks for your comment! No, I’m actually not Asian but I’m Western, half British. I often did make Asian friends though when growing up in North America and still make more Asian and Middle Eastern friends when I’m there since I didn’t fit into the anglo North American culture for that reason. I now live partly abroad. I’m not North American but I’m from another English Western culture. British culture (and other West European cultures) are more traditional so many of us are more feminine than anglo North American women, I’d say most of us. And many of us are a bit quieter or more polite and I was raised to be that way in my family’s home, and not to show too many emotions, to be more reserved, etc. I also wore more feminine clothes. Growing up this way meant that these things just became part of me, plus the fact that I’m more sensitive anyway. Yes, I felt much better reading this article and other women’s experiences here. And nice to hear from you as well! I’ve felt much better about myself from reading this and much more empowered. But living abroad has also really helped. I a\lways knew I was growing up in the wrong culture.

  • Gloria

    Reply Reply October 12, 2013

    I am a little bit confused because I think I am masculine in that I don’t mind taking charge and I tend to like a softer and more laid back man because I think they are adorable. I really respect and admire very feminine women too but I haven’t embraced this in myself and I’m not always able to bring that side out.

    I don’t think I am butch or mean to feminine women though :-(

    I want to embrace this side of myself because it feels more relaxing and I would like to connect with others on a deeper level.

    The thing is things don’t really progress with the feminine guys that I like. I do get dates with more masculine guys but they either don’t call back or I’m not attracted to them.

    Is it okay to be a bit masculine? At the same time, I am stressed and a worrier so maybe I should fully embrace the feminine thing.

    • Korir

      Reply Reply October 18, 2013

      Iam fine, lam bubua

    • Elle

      Reply Reply November 5, 2013

      Hi Gloria, I think it’s great that you want to find out more about the feminine side of you :-) perhaps you’re just looking for more balance, and just because your masculine in certain ways doesn’t mean you have anything against feminine women… it’s great to know that you are recognizing in yourself a desire to be more feminine I guess, I don’t think masculine women or all masculine women hate feminine women, you’re an example of that because you are here and you are friendly;)

  • Joyce

    Reply Reply October 3, 2013

    i am 45 years old and I feel my whole life that I have been confident since as far back as four years old. I am not the most beautiful woman but I like how I look and I do get a lot of attention. I am tall and have strong shoulders, good size boobs, small waist, and hips as wide as my shoulders. I have a true hourglass figure and it came from God. I am all natural. I enjoy being fit so I work hard to stay fit. I wear some makeup but not a ton and in pictures it looks like I don’t wear any.

    My entire life since 5th grade, I have felt girls and then women just hating on me and when I was young I just assumed SO many didn’t like me and I didn’t know why. I’ve learned about the principles Renee stated in this blog and it’s amazing how women just HATE me and I don’t even think THEY KNOW WHY. It can be when I order food from a waitress or fast food place, or on the bus and I mind my own business, I smile, I hold doors, give up seats, i am kind, etc, but I FEEL this hatred from women.

    Now I don’t care. I live my life and I am myself.
    I do feel especially that American black women just hate my freaking guts beyond description.

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    Reply Reply September 23, 2013

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  • Mother Teresa

    Reply Reply September 18, 2013

    First, men are visual. I think the biggest turnoffs is a cynical and masculine woman. A guy do not want to date a chick more masculine to him. Also, a man do not want to be around a negative chick, putting other women down and talking down to people, keep that conversation with your girlfriends. Intellect and social grace can open doors that beauty cannot.

  • Jane Smith

    Reply Reply September 1, 2013

    I am a white woman who is canadian. I have been told I am very attractive I am tall, green-eyed and feminine. I have been through everything in my life and had a different path than most women my age. I am now 49. I never got to marry or have kids but I have experienced alot that others have now. I grew up middle class. I have lived in ottawa for 5 years and I got through living hell int this city. It is very multicultural now and competitive. I am a very friendly type of person and considerate and not really the jealous kind. I used to be this way in my 20s but I know better now. I have issues almost daily with nasty women and I will not be like them nor will I change who I am. They expect me to be like them but I am not and then they lose all their power and get even MORE angry. In particular I have issues with so me black women mainly african not the caribbean ones. Some of the moslem women try to upset me but it doesnt seem to be as harsh as these black women. I even met 2 women at work and thought they were friends and they turned on me a few times so I just dont bother with them anymore. ONe was jealous that I was given more attention by the boss and more duties. I even have problem with this 20 somethings who usually are minorities as the white ones I rarely have this issue. When I go to buy things in a drug store and they are at the cash they give me a mean look and try everythign they can to make things harsh for me, they dont want to give me a free bag, I ask about a sale item and they DONT KNOW, etc. So some of this is racism and some is jealousy. Maybe they think I am rich or had it esay well let me tell u I didnt. I may have had a great upbringing but I never found stable work all my life, I have 2 in my family with cancer now, I cant live in my birth city as there is no work, I had to live in rooms in ottawa for a few years as I could not find employment. I never got to marry or have kids because of constant layoffs and instable work……..so people should not judge u never know what others are going through….and lighten up!

  • Natayna

    Reply Reply August 28, 2013

    Surely, you’re no stranger to emotion and emotionality, Anona. These traits are traditionally associated to an obtuse degree with “traditional femininity”. Do you mean to tell me that as a student; I presume, of an accredited institution of higher learning, you find this site and its core concepts ones based in hard logic and rationality? I see a lot of opinion, over-the-top emotion and sales techniques, but not very much logic. In any case, no time, indeed…but you took the time to reply to me with not one, but TWO lengthy posts earlier. Fascinating.

    I have never stereotyped “femininity” or attempted to pigeonhole it . You, and the site owner have, however. I’d appreciate if you would not allude to where I belong or do not belong. I am obviously here at the moment because I choose to be and I have the choice to do so. You are of course, free to disregard my reply and any future postings I make here, if any.

    Clever how you want to backpedal now and claim to promote a diverse acceptance of feminine traits when you all but lambasted “The West” and its women for being too masculine earlier, with several proxy examples and anecdotes to “back up” your postulations. Your words are still in black and white for you to review. You see me as being “aggressive” and I find that humorous, but it’s your opinion. If you can’t handle a respectful discussion and stand behind your own words without becoming bent out of shape and angry, then it speaks volumes of you, not me. You are free to project, of course. Everyone has their own style of discussion. I did express that I don’t appreciate the hostess and crew trying to own the term “femininity” and box all women (or people) in it, or outside of it, that do not fit her specific cult definitions of the word that this site approves of. Again, I can come to this site and be a respectful dissenter. No one has to agree with everything they read, see or hear. People can make a respectful objection and state their own opinions. That does take some degree of backbone and courage, however. I do understand such notions of personal and intellectual strength could be considered anti-_________ (feel free to fill in the blank) and thus abhorrent to some, and subsequently, unappealing. I totally get it, Anona. Some people are comfortable having their self-hood and identity issued to them by their culture or even a website, and then, others are capable of forging it themselves and standing brave despite the fallout. I have found that being true to myself has its own constant rewards. I need no external validation. I truly sought your conversation and answer to my question, not necessarily your agreement with me or your commiseration. I’m sorry that you felt offended by that. Offense was not my intent, and if I have offended you, I sincerely apologize.

    I’d like to remind you that there are several ways one can be aggressive and hostile to another. It does not have to be flat out and blatant. There is no need to be disingenuous; if you feel slighted by my words, just say so. No need to project. Frankly, the subject matter on this site is not serious enough to provoke an aggressive response out of me. Perhaps you confuse gravity with aggression. Your choice. I had an issue with this site putting down a wide variety of women (and men for that matter), so I voiced my opinion. I know that this female has to sell her products so nothing is going to change. I am aware that my humble protest is just that, humble, but I still made my voice heard. People can’t expect to make grand claims that harm the dignity and self-hood of other human beings and go unchallenged. That is the very essence of standing up for what you believe in against all odds…speaking up even when you are quite sure nothing will change.

    Back to the real world outside of this site…it appears the old paradigms and hard lines of Masculine vs. Feminine are growing more blurry day by day. Men are embracing their “feminine” traits more openly in many cultures and women are gaining more political and social power everyday in traditionally “male” arenas.

    As a woman; a mother, a sister and a wife…I wonder what else can I BE but “feminine” in the natural sense of the word as I have given birth and relate to men and only men sexually. No matter what I wear or what power tools my hands wield, or how many deer carcasses I gut…I will forever be a woman and my ovaries and uterus and hormones are those of a natural born woman. I am feminine by nature of being. It appears that you think women resent womanhood just because they may enjoy traditionally masculine activities, or possibly, find them necessary depending on her individual circumstances. I very much enjoy being female right down to having my monthly cycle. I just see humans (myself included), as more complex than these static definitions of the behavioral traits assigned to us arbitrarily based on what we have between our legs. I hope you would not belittle a man for crying or not knowing how to operate a bandsaw. I’d be glad to offer the crying man a shoulder and a hug, the the unskilled man some modest instruction on the use of the tool. Neither example makes him less of a man, or me, less of a woman. Do you get it? No need to get mad.

    • reena

      Reply Reply September 7, 2013

      Hello sweets, I understand your pain when it comes to black women, but unfortunately its just we as a black race are competitive with one another. I’m a black woman and I have it rough also. We as black women just haven’t evolved yet in our femininity. So please don’t take it personal, they haven’t grown mentally love.

      • Deanna

        Reply Reply November 12, 2013

        Thanks Reena, I have had numerous issues with black woman and their outright unprovoked hatred for me at work.

  • Anona

    Reply Reply August 28, 2013

    Hi again, Natanya, you seem a little emotional about the entire thing and I wonder why. Also, if you don’t agree with our approach here you don’t need to visit the site. Sorry, I don’t have the time to read too much of your post since I’m in the middle of studying for some very serious exams. However, I’m glad about one thing: that you feel that you attempt to not stereotype others. That’s great, but maybe you can start with not stereotyping those who regard themselves as feminine, womanly, or whatever semantic construct you wish to apply to the concept. We are here since we have some commonality, regardless of whether or not we label the phenomenon.

    I don’t dislike the Western world: I’m Western. I was speaking only of anglo North America, which is a very small portion of the entire Western culture and its many nations. My own developed Western culture is much older than this one, but it is definitely Western. Not that that matters to me since I’ve lived in a wide variety of countries on every continent and don’t prefer any particular culture.

    What is more, you are still voicing the stereotype of “femininity” as meaning purchasing expensive clothing, assets and so on and flaunting it. Femininity means, according to the dictionary, “womanliness” and we see it only as an attitude or approach in which women are aware of and confident in their being innately women. We are all complex, and as I’d said, we all exhibit traits, to varying ratios, that are considered both traditionally masculine and feminine. I don’t call them either. We should just be happy to be ourselves and I’m glad that you are happy with yourself. Since I don’t criticize you for being yourself I trust that you will treat us with the same respect. Being open minded, as you claim to be, means you accept without criticism every sort of personality so long as it is not directly hurting you or others. Anyone who flaunts acquired traits is insecure about them or about him- or herself. That also goes for flaunting one’s ability to be aggressive.

    Anyway, it is a shame to post such emotionality as yours on this site. And I don’t have time for this since my exams are much more important so I won’t be replying again.

  • Natayna

    Reply Reply August 28, 2013

    I guess it all boils down to those who desire to live in a box and those who do not…those who desire to put others in boxes, and those who choose to see the world as a big, BIG place with a lot of everything and every type of individual. Of course, not everyone is going to like pistachio ice cream. Not everyone is going to taste durian and like it the first time, or ever. I don’t look at women and judge them as being ‘this’ or ‘that’ any more than I look at men and assume such things. There are some tiny little girls on our soccer team that are just as aggressive as the guys, and it’s funny when others underestimate them. That usually ends up being bad for the opposing team who thinks that little center is a joke. No, she gots mad skills, son. Don’t let the size and plumbing fool you.

    I totally get that some folks like the whole “Masculine” and “Feminine” dichotomy and prefer for them to be completely separate. By the nature and being of us all, that seems illogical, as no man comes to be without a woman, and no woman comes to be without a man. We have each force within us. I can respect where you are coming from and you have the right to see the world as you do and be who you are. We all have that right.

    We all have the right to be who we are, and express ourselves without being cruelly judged by others as long as we aren’t hurting anyone else in the process. I prefer not to mock small and frail men and call them bad names or less than a man. Many of these small men have a lady beside him that loves him very much and thinks he is the perfect expression of a male. Then, there are women like me that may not fit your definition of “feminine” but our husbands/SO’s love us very much and see us as the perfect example of a woman. Why else would they be with us? My husband is not attracted to high maintenance women that spend a fortune on beauty items and clothing. He likes a practical and rational minded woman that enjoys the outdoors and being active alongside him. Every one wants something different in a mate…that alone is why I find much of the hostesses propaganda so damaging and obtuse. But like I said, I understand the woman has to make her money. If Ron Jeremy is allowed to make his paper, this lady should be allowed to make her hustle too. So, she gets no hate from me…but, I may not allow my daughter to view this site because she is just beginning to blossom into a young lady and I want HER to define herself and feel free to be who she is, not have her mind poisoned by someone else’s expectations and often unfair stereotypes. If someone told my daughter than she could not be a weight lifter (if she chose it) because she has a vagina and she should be wearing dressing and being a little coquette, I’d probably give them a piece of my mind (ooops, not lady-like again, these opinions of mine are supposed to be on mute).

    I’ve been here and there too, Anona, and from what I have seen, people are people. Most often, people are either assisted in their personal growth by their culture or stagnated in the less appealing aspects of it. We all are, even in the Evil West. Yes, there are things I dislike about the Western world too, namely, the little regard we have for those less fortunate than us in the world. But, I also hate with a passion how women are marginalized elsewhere in the world. But, we all do what we can and what more can we do. I choose not to stay fixated on the individuality of others in a negative way. Live and let live is a good way to tread in this life. I generally respect everyone until they cross me or (heaven help them) they threaten my child. Then, you can bet, there is no little dainty “lady” coming at you…it’s a mother lioness with her claws ready for battle.

    I have a question: Do you see every woman that deviates from your ‘ideal’ of womanhood or being female as bad? Just curious. Just so you know, some women don’t have the option of being wilting flowers. They are single mothers and/or strugglers in this mad crazy world. You see a power play between males and females…I see a savage society that really operates to the benefit of neither gender. In any case, with nearly 4 billion women on this planet, there is a lot of individuality, variety and “natural selves” among women. If anything, MEN have historically defined femininity and that seems to be the standard definition that folks like you and the hostess have taken and ran with and applied to yourselves and as an often unfair standard for all women. I get to define MY femininity in my own way, and so does my daughter. She has that right, as should all girls. Just like all men and boys should have the right to define their own masculinity in THEIR own way. Each gender should feel free to express their sub-traits as well…those traits historically not attributed to our birth gender (like men should not feel ‘less than manly’ for crying, and women should not be made to feel less ‘feminine’ because they know how to build a house or hunt deer). We are all humans worthy of respect as long as we aren’t harming anyone or anything. I don’t see what pigeonholing other human beings gets us. Define yourself, and let others do the same.

  • Anona

    Reply Reply August 28, 2013

    Natayna, one more thing: I noticed after a few years of absence from North America that there seems to be a new trend in which many women are seeking to return to accepting themselves as being feminine, while being more balanced as well and still seeing themselves as strong, educated, able to fulfil themselves in their careers and so on. Women in other developed cultures are comfortable being this way, but I’m happy to see it returning also in anglo North America. This does not mean though that women are required to “pretend” to be feminine any more than this society requires many of them to “pretend” to be masculine. It is only that many women in this society are beginning to realize that they are much more powerful when being themselves and when feeling comfortable in their natural selves.

    I have always felt that the trend on this part of this continent towards women being aggressive and confrontational is not an attempt at true equality of the genders since it still gives to men the power (even though in this case it is the women who gave it to them and the latter did not ask for it) to set the pace and dictate what are personalities are to be like, indirectly as it were. Women are thus saying that the only way to be equal is to be like men; they are not attempting to attain equality while being themselves. I’m glad that they are finally realizing what other parts of the world are already aware of.

    This does not mean that any woman is required to change or once again imitate something she is not. If you are comfortable being the way that you are and feel balanced in this way, then that is great. However, there are many of us as women who feel more comfortable more truly embracing our own femininity and who feel more empowered this way and we are saying that we should be respected as such. I myself have many qualities as I have mentioned which many not seem traditionally feminine, yet I am considered very feminine and I feel this way myself, which is why I fit in better into traditional societies than into the anglo North American (aside from the Latin American).

    As well, just to mention, when in North America I deal with many international people, and many of them, both men and women, have commented to me that the local women there “seem like men” — they do not consider this to be an attractive trait, but a turnoff. I’ve heard similar comments too when living overseas. Again, though, I firmly believe that so long as no one is deliberately hurting another, one is free to be oneself. We are all different after all. But no women should be abused by the women of a certain society simply because she is naturally womanly. To me this is ridiculous. And what does it tell us when we find it laughable for a man to be abused by men for being masculine? It means, once again, that society’s women are giving men the power to set the pace for what is “normal”, and this cannot be so if we are to truly consider ourselves as equal with men.

  • Anona

    Reply Reply August 28, 2013

    Natayna, I’m sure there are many reasons, in addition to a woman being more feminine, that spark other women’s jealousy and have done so for millennia. The bottom reason seems to be women’s subjugation by men throughout history and their being required to live their lives through their men or children, rather than for themselves. This has precipitated a habit of being jealous towards other women who appear to have what they perceive themselves as missing. I’ve been the target of jealousy for my femininity (which I perceived as being my sensitivity and gentility) together with my intelligence, ambition and education. Someone else will have other qualities that also make them a target for insecure people.

    Personally, I haven’t gone around seeing myself as being feminine, but I do realize that that is the main part of it. However, I am from another developed Western culture in which being kind, polite and unaggressive as a woman is strongly resented in the North American culture in which I unfortunately grew up (I’ve partially left it now though).

    Also, as we were saying, femininity does not involve someone putting on acts to be something she is not, or trying to act “girly” or wear “girly clothes”, makeup etc. I am slim, and I’m athletic like you in that I do regular weight training, very long distance regular cycling, long distance hiking and walking, and I also travel very extensively alone through many so-called difficult cultures and live in many of them for extended periods. I’m extremely healthy as well. Yet despite my approach to life and my strength, I still come across as being feminine although I am only being myself and do not put on any acts at all. I’m very artistic, so I do love feminine clothes, and I don’t buy any clothes back in North America (I only buy my clothing abroad these days since I live partly abroad) since I don’t like the plain women’s fashions on this continent. This is not part of any act; it’s just how I like to dress. I also felt happy to have moved back to a part of the world where I can be myself.

    As we have been saying, femininity is not an act and it is not flouncing around showing off one’s curves, if one has them, or plastering on makeup and wearing frills. No matter what I wear I still come across as being feminine from my demeanour and I’m happy to be this way. I resent North American women (not men, incidentally) who have tried to pressure me into being “aggressive” or dressing “more casually”, and I simply ignore them or tell them that this is not my culture and I have no interest in adopting such approaches. Sorry to anyone who is from this culture though and does not feel this way; in this case I’m just generalizing and this is a product of what I went through growing up here.

    I’m interested though in the many women who have been through what I’ve been through, and in being able to relate to what they are saying.

  • Natayna

    Reply Reply August 27, 2013

    I don’t get why you have to be “feminine” for a female to hate on you. I am prior military (11 years Army), very active, athletic, thin and fit. I’m always playing co-ed sports like soccer and volleyball throughout the year. I like to wear the occasional dress, but to be honest, it’s not really me. I’m more of a shorts and tank top or skinny jeans and fitted tee type of gal, and that’s fine. No one here or elsewhere has to co-sign because I like myself just fine. Now, that said…I have a slew of haters. The wives/gf’s of the men on the teams I play for pretty much all hate me. I’m good at sports, so I have a lot of respect from my teammates, but you should see the nasty glares I get from the women in my neighborhood when I am out jogging or walking, or even taking my kid to the bus stop. Meanwhile, their man is checking me out. I actually find it amusing and sad mixed together. They too, can have a nice ass if they work for it. They too, can be fit if they work out and stay dedicated. They too, can be trim and at a sensible weight if they stop eating garbage.

    And, a lot of these women are “feminine” with their little curves and long hair to their bums and fancy fabrics and what not…hating on little ole tomboy me with the B cup boobs and legs that could run for days (with muscles to vouch for it). So, I honestly think this is just a sour grapes thing with *some* women because *some* women just love to be bitter and hate on the next woman for whatever reason. A lot of the time, it’s because she wants something the other woman has, or that she perceives her as having. I have a good husband too, and he holds my hand when we walk together and many of these so called “feminine” priss boxes are out with their men and you can sense the tension between them and lack or feeling there. I thought dresses and lip gloss was supposed to fix everything? No? This is exactly why I keep it moving.

    Women are a trip, the author/hostess here included. She’s just hustling her products and I’m not knocking her hustle, but I am rather sick to death of the notion that *ALL* women have to fit in some little box of what is deemed “feminine” to be considered a real woman. Hello…if you have a vagina, ovaries and female hormonal wiring, you ARE a real woman. Feel free to be who YOU are. I have always been a tomboy, and I have never hurt for male affections and attention. I have always had male admirers and men trying to flirt and get in my good graces. I’ve nothing against lesbians, but I am not one just because I prefer jeans/shorts to dresses most days. I also don’t waste my life hating other women. I’m too busy out here getting mine and living MY life.

  • sarah polyakov

    Reply Reply August 26, 2013

    Hello Anona,
    Completely agree with everything you said about femininity. Have also noticed that your experience in junior high and beyond tends to be common for women who live their feminine energy. And yes, feminine energy is strong– not weak at all. My apologies if that was the impression from my post. On a side note, I have often wondered if women were historically repressed because of the sheer strength of undiluted feminine energy. When a woman is living her energy to its fullest extent she is like a bright, vibrant light shining through the darkness. Though this energy shouldn’t be threatening, it can be when people misunderstand it. Layer on that the fact that women have the ability to hold life in their bodies and feed another life from their bodies, this becomes a potent source of power. It’s interesting because in the past, feminine energy was bound by various anachronistic practices such as laws that dictated that a wife was owned by her husband, by feet binding, by the bridescold, by the chastity belt, by the illegality of owning property, illiteracy, and by many other dictates. Today we are free of those specific anachronisms, however, it has been my observation that more subtle things have replaced them. Today we see that feminine energy is dulled or obliterated by the need to compete alongside men for wages, by some of the dictates of 2nd wave feminism, and in Africa, by blatant dehumization through genital mutilation. In fact, if anyone is interested in reading a very controversial book about all of this, I would encourage you to purchase a book called “Vagina” by the well known social critic Naomi Wolfe. Read it a couple of months ago and I have a changed worldview. (And no, the book is not pornographic or inappropriate in any way whatsoever, despite its title. Ms. Wolfe occasionally comes up with inflammatory titles to get her point across– and she is an incredibly savvy, thoughtful and articulate woman!) She also wrote a book in the 1990s called The Beauty Myth that was my salvation during my late teens.

  • sarah polyakov

    Reply Reply August 26, 2013

    Hello Leona,
    When women dress in the tight clothing and have the intention of tempting the husbands of others, that is certainly not femininity. At best, that is a form of insecurity and at worst, it is something that can cause discontent in men when they have a constant smorgasbord of eye candy. On the other hand, men always look. However, it doesn’t mean they will cheat and it doesn’t have to cause discontent. That is more of a risk when a marriage is already on shaky ground. From what I understand, if a man is happy in his relationship, he might glance but won’t think any more about it. Still as a married woman I admit that when women intentionally flaunt themselves when I am out with my husband, this causes me discomfort. My husband has mentioned before that he doesn’t respect women who present themselves this way. He admits that while he looks if such a woman crosses his field of vision, that he also feels uncomfortable because he doesn’t want to have to picture a total stranger in a semi intimidate context. When my husband and I dated, one of the things that he said he appreciated was that I dressed very feminine and classy without looking cheap. He had said that prior to meeting me, that it didn’t matter how beautiful a woman was if she dressed in revealing clothing. He would not pursue or even have a date with women if they dressed in really inappropriate clothing. As he said when we dated, the woman he married would also represent him and his choices as well as be a mother. Therefore, women who dressed as if they were up for a one night stand automatically disqualified themselves. However, what does one do when women are dressing in provocative ways and they are a temptation? That has more to do with the quality of your relationship as well as the type of man you are paired with. If he is a man who is prone to cheating, then the man will find a way to cheat regardless of how beautiful and wonderful his wife is. I have witnessed this time and again. On the other hand, if you have a husband who believes in monogamy and who you have developed a great relationship with, then the chances of him being effected by other women is low. The thing that bothers me much more than women wearing provocative clothes are these women who, no matter how pretty or Un – pretty they are, think that having an affair with a married man is some kind of ideal experience. They seem to treat it as a game just to see if they can get a guy to cheat. While it takes 2 to tango and while it is the man’s fault too, I say shame on the women who do this intentionally. After all, if all of the women in this world refused to date men who are married, engaged, or who have a girlfriend, then there would be a lot less affairs. And for anyone out there who thinks taken men are fair game, always remember the law of Karma. The crap that you do today will eventually come back to you.

  • Anona

    Reply Reply August 26, 2013

    Leona seems to be quite missing the point. What we were saying was that femininity has nothing to do with strutting around showing off our body parts, plastering on makeup, or doing some other thing to augment our womanly appearance, but that it is something innate to us as woman and which comes naturally from within regardless of what we do on the outside. When I was bullied in junior high in North America for being feminine, the other girls in my class were plastering on makeup and running after guys. They were also more curvy than me (I was very slim and still am), and was only minding my own business, living my life, being polite and kind to others, and focussing on my studies and achieving high grades. yet I came across as being much more feminine than my classmates which is why I was abused by some of them. As an adult, I’ve never gone after men (I’ve treated them as friends only, and am too shy even to go after a guy I’m interested in but only let him know indirectly and leave the response up to him), and I wear very little makeup and am modest (while still wearing feminine clothes, not to please men but since I like them) yet I always have many men after me which can even be annoying when I’m not interested since I already have a boyfriend. And even though I make it my point to treat these men like friends, I still have them going after me and still am a recipient of female jealousy (even though I make it clear to everyone that I’m not after their men).

    I do agree with Sarah’s intelligent comments except for one thing (but this could be her use of semantics): Femininity is not weakness at all. It is only, as you had said, being oneself as a woman and being aware of and happy with or comfortable with one’s inner female energy. I feel it involves strength more than weakness since especially in North American society, being ones feminine self means that one is up against a great deal of aggression and peer pressure from other women, so if one can ignore this and continue as one’s natural feminine self since this is more comfortable for us, then one is in fact stronger than those who give in to social mores.

    I’m very happy once again to see this article and many of the responses. The combination is very empowering.

    • sarah polyakov

      Reply Reply August 26, 2013

      Hello Anona,
      Completely agree with everything you said about femininity. Have also noticed that your experience in junior high and beyond tends to be common for women who live their feminine energy. And yes, feminine energy is strong– not weak at all. My apologies if that was the impression from my post. On a side note, I have often wondered if women were historically repressed because of the sheer strength of undiluted feminine energy. When a woman is living her energy to its fullest extent she is like a bright, vibrant light shining through the darkness. Though this energy shouldn’t be threatening, it can be when people misunderstand it. Layer on that the fact that women have the ability to hold life in their bodies and feed another life from their bodies, this becomes a potent source of power. It’s interesting because in the past, feminine energy was bound by various anachronistic practices such as laws that dictated that a wife was owned by her husband, by feet binding, by the bridescold, by the chastity belt, by the illegality of owning property, illiteracy, and by many other dictates. Today we are free of those specific anachronisms, however, it has been my observation that more subtle things have replaced them. Today we see that feminine energy is dulled or obliterated by the need to compete alongside men for wages, by some of the dictates of 2nd wave feminism, and in Africa, by blatant dehumization through genital mutilation. In fact, if anyone is interested in reading a very controversial book about all of this, I would encourage you to purchase a book called “Vagina” by the well known social critic Naomi Wolfe. Read it a couple of months ago and I have a changed worldview. (And no, the book is not pornographic or inappropriate in any way whatsoever, despite its title. Ms. Wolfe occasionally comes up with inflammatory titles to get her point across– and she is an incredibly savvy, thoughtful and articulate woman!) She also wrote a book in the 1990s called The Beauty Myth that was my salvation during my late teens.

  • leona

    Reply Reply August 26, 2013

    Most women always assume it’s jealousy when it’s not. What ticks me off about a lot of women is that they don’t care about DISRESPECTING other women. Women need to watch how they dress and carry themselves. You don’t see men parading men who are wearing tight spandex with their penis laying on the side of their leg, or muscle shirts exposing their six packs and muscles around their woman. Men don’t do that because it’s inappropriate and can be too much temptation for his woman. Men respect each other not to do that. Women on the other hand wear revealing clothes or clothes that are way too tight. Other women’s husbands and men are out here. If they want to wear that type of stuff, they should wear it around their men, and if they don’t have a man, maybe that’s why. All these women are doing is presenting a lot of temptation for men to go astray or have thoughts they should not be having. With me, it’s about RESPECT…..it’s far from jealousy.

    • SweetTruth

      Reply Reply January 7, 2014

      Um… except it’s up to a man not to look, and have respect for his relationship. Men aren’t stupid, they can think without their sex organs thank you very much. Maybe you just choose men with little self control?

    • SweetTruth

      Reply Reply January 7, 2014

      And also, a lot of women aren’t dressing to seduce. They dress how they want to dress for themselves, and for specific men. It’s not their fault that other men leer and can’t understand that they aren’t dressing for all men everywhere. Just as it’s not their fault that self-conscious women dislike them for ‘tempting their men’, in their words…

  • Sarah

    Reply Reply August 23, 2013

    Wow, Renee, what a great article. You are always so insightful and able to convey your insight in a way that is valuable to others. On the other hand, what a hurtful experience to go through. Brava, Bellissima, for confronting the woman face-to-face when she was intentionally trying to harm you in many ways. On a personal note, I am glad to read about a woman who has been through the same things I have gone through when working in the professional world. Before I became a psychologist, I worked in the field of information technology in a corporate office for many years. Was usually surrounded by women because we were a team who did business-type work and not software development. I have so many terrible stories about things jealous women did to me or things those same women did to my female friends. I never understood why those things happened because I am the first person to try to make friends, t try to build up the confidence of women around me, and to be sincere. Now that I have been reading your website for a while, I understand. I am and always have been too feminine, both in my behavior and in my way of dressing. Yet, I still have that strong and grounded side that I call upon when needed. Regardless, being feminine is my baseline and I see now how that must have threatened women who were prone to jealousy. Also, when I think of my other female friends from work who were also treated terribly and undermined by these jealous girls, my friends are also feminine women. Finally, let me clarify what femininity means: femininity is NOT a walking and talking pair of false eyelashes, breast implants, spray tans, and Jimmy Choo shoes. Femininity is the embodied energy that includes compassion, sincerity, selflessness, altruism, kindness, and nurtruance. This kind of energy creates what I refer to a true feminine beauty. This is not a beauty that can be purchased or created surgically. After all, if we defined feminine beauty only as things like breast implants, spray tans, long hair, etc, then transgender males could embody feminine beauty as much as anyone else. (Now, I am not making fun of transgender men. I support their right to live in the skin in which they are most comfortable. After all, the thing that each of us wants is to feel loved and to feel good about ourselves. This is the method through which they have chosen to attain these things). But, back to us women… Feminine beauty is something that must eminate within and it all comes down to building up those feminine qualities and creating and embracing our unique feminine energy. Because feminism has asked women to cast off feminine energy and take on masculine energy, when a woman who is emanating this feminine energy enters the room, she is bound to ruffle feathers. Whether she knows it or not, she is also giving off incredibly powerful energy because she is living her very essence and being-ness. So given that women have been raised to cast off the feminine, many women see this and don’t even know what they are jealous of. Women think that they are jealous because the feminine woman effortlessly leaves an invisible honey trail in her path that has all men following her. She isn’t doing this to get more men, she is just being herself and this is the effect such energy has. But, what I think women are really jealous about is not the male admirers such a woman garners. In fact, if we look deeper, I don’t think what they are feeling is jealousy, even though that is what it appears to be. I think what they are feeling is a profound discomfort based on the fact that they have lost the very essence of themselves since they have suppressed their femininity. It’s really an unfortunate situation for everyone, especially women who don’t even realize what is missing.

  • jas

    Reply Reply August 18, 2013

    Thank you Renee it is a good article. I haven’t had an extreme example like you discuss in the article happen in a long while, though I would say there are women who have venom and that venom comes out sometime. Whenever possible I just don’t invite those women into my life in any way shape or form. There are so many wonderful women who are kind and good, that surrounding myself with quality women is an intention I hold and live. Sometimes when I do encounter the venom from other women, I stop, try to listen deeply and compassionately to them. I look them in the eye, I breathe deeply, I stay present, and I allow them to be with the energy they have yet not need to take it in.

  • simon

    Reply Reply August 4, 2013

    I am very well off and the women in my street sneer at me and make all sorts of ridiculous stuff up about me , as I used to do music properly, according to them I am blaring music out all day and night when even other people in my house at the same time can hardly hear it in the next room. I buy a car they cannot begin to ever afford and they make stuff about that and even try and block my garage in and hammer on the garage door if I am in it and they know I am. Most of my other halves have looked like models or been very successful which they hate. For some reason some of them seem to think they are really attractive and totter about in tarty cheap clothes in front of me :( when they are far from attractive which is being very polite and look absolutley ridiculous. Some of even lie claiming they are married when they are not to get jobs and are very light fingered to say the least and can get very aggressive. My friend’s describe them as animals. They even borrow stuff to try and make out they can keep up with me its got that pathetic and this is in a more affluent area with many of them even pretending they own the houses but in reality they rent them out. Glad I am single that’s all I can say.

  • camilla

    Reply Reply July 28, 2013

    Many of my so-called “friends” turned out to be jealous, and spread vicious gossip to so many other people, managing to turn some people against me. One girl was my best friend and I found out that that she hated me and was jealous of me for years. I had another best friend disappear on me as soon as I got a wonderful adoring boyfriend. It’s so depressing sometimes and I have shed many tears over this. When I was younger in my teens and early 20s, I really internalized the hate that I encountered, thinking I was less than somehow. I had low self esteem for years and made some bad choices with men during this time. I became desperate for acceptance and love, though I’ve learned to give myself that love and acceptance. My mother rarely praised me or told me I was beautiful. I had no idea that the issues I faced were due to jealousy, because my own mother acted more like a frenemy than a mom. Now that I’ve come to love myself, the jealousy has actually gotten worse. Some people have been quick to point out my flaws and mistakes, reminding me that I should feel bad about myself. Even my father has done this. One friend who recently married was perplexed by my choice to be happy, and took it upon herself to remind me of my unmarried status on various occasions. I had to learn not to take these things personally, or risk going insane from all these attacks.

    • Anonia

      Reply Reply July 28, 2013

      Many things you said reminded me of myself so much that I wondered at first if I had posted the comment and forgotten about it! I also had two best girlfriends (one childhoold one and then a later one) reveal to me later on that they were jealous. Although my mother has not been as extreme as yours, she has also shown signs of jealousy. And the two worst experiences of my life were in fact caused by women who were not feminine themselves. I never liked to think that anyone was jealous of me, but I’ve come to realize this over time. Not to mention that the bullying I had had in junior high was mostly from female classmates. And when I look back, I realize I was probably the most attractive girl in the class, but I was also maybe the most feminine one. I have later experienced bullying here and there in other situations, and it has been almost 100% from women.

      This article is very empowering and I really appreciate the author for writing it. I’ve been thinking of it a lot in the past while since I first read it. I’d spent years trying to figure out why some women treated me the way that they did, and trying to find the common denominator. I did figure out a while back from another website that it was from low self esteem on the part of the people doing it, but I still felt I was missing a piece of the puzzle. Now I see much more clearly what has been going on. Like you, I also especially after the bullying in junior high went through a period of thinking there was something terribly off turning about me, even though my mother tried to tell me that the girls who did this at school were jealous of me for having something in my demeanor that they lacked or had lost. They seemed to hate me so much that I just couldn’t accept this since it seemed more that I had some very negative quality, even though I was always good at school, nice to people and attractive (without completely realizing it, since they made me feel I wasn’t). Now I realize how right she was. What she was trying to say was that they were jealous of my femininity.

      As I’d said, this is more of an anglo North American thing. I’m British, and in Old World cultures (and some other New World) it is much more acceptable for women to be feminine, polite, gentile and so on. But not here; here we are supposed to be like men. well some of us just aren’t and don’t want to lose what we have either. I don’t just mean that femininity is more acceptable in developing cultures. It is also more acceptable in other developed cultures including most other Western cultures.

      I remember in junior high having very long hair that I’d never cut, and doing different styles with it, using ribbons to decorate it, and wearing feminine clothes and often wearing dresses. This got to my classmates so much and they made me feel that I looked ugly and terrible. For a long time after that, I was nervous to style my hair or wear skirts, but finally I decided I would do as I pleased, especially after living abroad in old style cultures. I no longer even buy clothing here since I find it much less feminine and a bit boring; I just buy it overseas.

      A friend told me recently here that women who are feminine are a turnoff since they are always going after men, sleeping around and plastering on makeup. Strangely enough, she knows that I seldom wear makeup and that I’m conservative with my relationships and don’t want to sleep with anyone until marriage. Femininity means natural femininity which is even unconscious. I’ve never tried to be feminine, it is just part of me. I seldom wear makeup since I want to keep my skin healthy, but I do take a lot of care of myself and make myself look attractive. For that reason I look much younger than I am. I also don’t go sleeping around with men. Yet e3ven though I am unconsciously feminine, and do not go after men at all but treat them as friends, they always go after me to the point that it can even become annoying. So obviously, I’m on the right track! Even though none of my behaviour at all is done to attract men but only for myself.

      Oh, and I remember having a bad time growing up because of my long hair, even though it was always so beautiful. So because of the pressure, I finally had it cut shoulder length. that upset me so much. I’d try to grow it many times but would be pressured to trim it and so that would totally slow down the process. Finally, recently, I decided to do what I wanted about it, and now it is down to my hips again. I’ve noticed men have never told me to cut my hair, it has always been women, so of course it is jealousy! Strangely enough, recently, after having grown my hair really long again, one woman I met with a very aggressive personality tried to harshly tell me that I needed to cut it, so I just ignored her since by now I know what is going on with people when they do this. However, everyone else has told me it looks beautiful, and I know what it looks like, I’m not blind!

      Anyway, I really appreciate again this article, and it is nice to see there are many other women who feel the same way.

    • Anonia

      Reply Reply July 28, 2013

      I wanted to add, one of the two worst experiences of my life involved a very non feminine (and not very popular either, or “nice”) supervisor turning most of my friends and acquaintances against me in a place. At first many of them spoke up for me, but she lashed out a second time and they were too afraid to speak up then. At that time, interestingly, most of my friends in that place were in fact men, so that probably got to her as well. I was younger then so the experience had a big effect on my confidence for a while. Finally, it was a close guy friend who helped me get over the experience. Interesting.

      I’ve found that when I’ve been in situations where I can’t make friends easily with the women due to spite and jealousy, I’ve just made guy friends instead. Of course, one problem with that for feminine women is that if one is feminine and doesn’t go after the men around them but treats them casually as friends, sooner or later most of them will start to develop interest, and if one is not interested in most of them oneself, this also leads to problems, but at least it is not problems with jealousy!

    • marymare

      Reply Reply July 31, 2013

      Exactly! Rememeber if someone has a problem with you, it’s THEIR problem, not yours. Go about being your naturally beautiful self.

    • marymare

      Reply Reply July 31, 2013

      Exactly! Remember if someone has a problem with you, it’s THEIR problem, not yours. Go about being your naturally beautiful self.

    • Sayo

      Reply Reply October 16, 2013

      Totally feel you right now. Im trying to be more confident….. but know that if I do that, people will only tell me I’m full of myself.

  • unfairly accused

    Reply Reply July 26, 2013

    8 years ago a lady in our church walked out on her husband, leaving him with nothing more than the cloths on his back. My husband & I offered him a room in our house until he could get back on his feet. His wife immediately started spreading a rumor that I was sexualy invalved with her husband. The whole church was buzzing with this fresh gossip. I thought in time it would slow down, & fade away. He is very comfortable living with my husband & me, & has roomed & board off of us now for 8 years. We have been very grateful to have his finance support, since we were finding it hard to make ends meet. However now 8 years later I have learned that this vicious lie is still circulating around the church.

  • help with bailiffs

    Reply Reply July 25, 2013

    What’s up, for all time i used to check blog posts here in the early hours in the break of day, as i love to find out more and more.

  • Ms. hummingbird

    Reply Reply July 24, 2013

    to anonia

    i am from a developing country in true sense. what i can say from my experiance that i have endured all those type of trauma & anguish for these lowly insecure creature (do’nt want to address them as human) & its still ongoing. so don’t assume that is limited to developed world. i am experiencing it from childhood & still fighting. goodness is always to be established .history proved it recurrently. now i am 24.

    • Anonia

      Reply Reply July 28, 2013

      Hi, Hummingbird, I don’t mean developing countries only. What I had said was that femininity is much more looked down on for women in anglo North America than anywhere else I’ve been in the world (50 countries on every continent; lived in 15 of them and most were developing). Naturally, there are problems with jealousy everywhere and particularly the jealousy of women for other women, for various reasons. But the pressure that women put on other women to give up their femininity is the greatest ever in anglo North America. I’m from two other Western developed countries and have not seen that problem there, at least not to such an extreme degree. And I’ve also not seen it in any of the developing countries I’ve lived or travelled in. There are also forums just focussing on this issue. I don’t live here full time any more. IN some developing countries, I have seen women vie with others and become quite spiteful but it is more for other reasons, such as competing over men, or jealousy since one’s background is freer than theirs. I’m sure you can think of other reasons as well. But I’ve not heard of anyone pressuring anyone there to give up their femininity or to act like men! Quite the opposite: in many of these cultures it is considered quite shameful for women to go around acting or looking like men.

      I don’t particularly like North America and never have, even though I grew up here, and this is one of the main reasons. I’d rather live where I can be myself. We had never intende3d to move here and it was unfortunate that we got stuck here for a while but luckily I’m in the process of moving out (which is why I left here for 10 years).

  • Star

    Reply Reply July 19, 2013

    I agree and understand Lpwomen. I have the same issue and broke away from her at age 15. I bet there is a link between them. I was researching Munchausen disease and think there must be a name for jealous mothers out there. I am overly feminine and have been bullied and abused since birth. Not only by peers but by older women actually all ages.
    The crappy thing is, men don’t realize it’s going on and take the side of the abuser and therefore make the feminine woman think she is the one that’s crazy. Many relationships have ended due to vindictive, anti feminine women attacking the feminine and unless the feminine woman stops it at first act or word, it will continue to be draining. They are not only energy vampires, they are violently betraying their own sex by being aggressively corse toward them. I had a girl ( I can’t call her a woman because women don’t treat other women this way…) tell me as she was digging her nails into my arm, that she didn’t talk to me for a year because she couldn’t stand seeing me so happy and in love with my new fiancé. She went on to growl and stare into my eyes while telling me that she wanted to kill me and when my fiancé came back into the room she told him, in front of me AND her boyfriend that she wanted to “fuck him”. Nice huh? So then she immediately switched to being “normal” as if she never said or did that and this went on for days. This is a true example of those girls that are NOT feminine. It’s an extreme example, but they feel the same way that this girl acted inside when they are jealous of a true feminine woman. Believe me, I’m an insanely feminine woman and am writing a book about this subject now. I have more stories about it than anyone I’ve ever met. If anyone wants to email me with their stories please contact me :) silverfeather7@ymail.com

    • Nana

      Reply Reply July 24, 2013

      That was not the girl, it was a demon talking through her, search for the pastor TB Joshua on youtube for some of the same. Are you christian? It seems that your presence activated those spirits.

  • Ronald

    Reply Reply July 11, 2013

    Its very hard to tell wether your spouse to be is of that kind but we Men we just find our selves in the hands of such Women am speaking my experience .

  • People_Pleaser

    Reply Reply July 9, 2013

    Help! My husband’s long time best friend’s wife hates me. They have know my husband most all their lives and I have only know them 6 1/2 years. Her husband is great to me and so are all of our friends but she has had it in for me since day one and did not like that my husband and I were getting married. He has been single a very long time and she was always taken care of my husband and cooking for him whenever he was around or they all went camping together. She always make references to before I came around she could do this or that referring to staying in our travel trailer, cooking, bringing her kids, and pretty much ran whatever she wanted her way. I have told her many times she is always welcome. She jabs at me and jabs at me in front of our other friends and they keep wondering if or when I will ever blow and commend me for my self control. She basically makes a fool of herself while trying to make a fool of me. But it really hurts and it’s not fair to our guys because it makes getting together tense. I am very athletic, ride dirt bikes with the guys, golf with the guys, love the water, and she does none of these things. I know a lot of the guys tell my husband I am a cool chick cause I am a bit of a Tom Boy yet very feminine at the same time. I am who I am and I am not going to stop what I love doing to please anyone. How do I handle someone so mean and jealous? So far I just ignore her but it is getting worse and worse and she keeps trying to provoke me more and more. Please help, she is bringing me to tears.

    • marymare

      Reply Reply July 31, 2013

      Hi. It sounds like you need to have a one-on-one chat with her. Be honest. Tell her the jabs are hurtful and create a hostile scene when the groups trying to have fun. If she continues, you may have to confront her within the group setting. She want to be the alpha mare, so to speak, and now she must learn to share. Not easy for her. Next time she throws a particularly mean jab, kindly ask her ‘whatever do you mean by that’? And then wait in silence for her response. She will probably back down a bit and then you can say, ‘oh good, let’s go ride’. Sounds easy enough I know but a kind confrontation may be all that is needed.

      • People_Please

        Reply Reply August 1, 2013

        Thank you for your response. I did finally confront her and that’s not something I do easily. She asked another mutual friend her opinion and if she came off as being mean to me and our mutual friend had my back all the way. So far she has been much nicer. I hope it lasts.

  • MissM

    Reply Reply July 1, 2013

    At work I like to dress up in pretty work clothes….., like dress suits, jackets and skirts, or dress pants suits! I like my hair, face and nails to be groomed! But, many women I think just look like they rolled out of bed, and threw on the clothes that were at the bottom of the bed! So to me, if you have a problem with me, why not start with yourself and just fix yourself up! You would be surprised at how much better you feel about yourself!
    I once had a group of women gang up on me at work about why I wear makeup, why I dress, finally I had enough and I said,”Because I want to!”. Then they finally just shut up! I mean how crazy is that?

  • MissM

    Reply Reply July 1, 2013

    Insecure, bitter people will never accept a secure, positive human being the too personalities do not mesh! Like the old saying goes, “birds of a feather flock together”. So, don’t try to be anyone other than who you are, remove yourself from environments that make you feel mistreated, either through verbal, written or through body language! God made you and he makes no mistakes, so keep your head up!

  • Anonia

    Reply Reply July 1, 2013

    I’ve also experienced self-admitted jealousy from a “best friend” and some from my mother, although I love her very much. The best friend’s basic personality is also feminine in fact but she has gone through phases where she has tried to “fit in” with this society by being rougher, while I just went on being myself. I see it all very clearly now. I think it happened to them when they felt bad about certain things in their own lives. But I’m happy that you said that all women can be feminine if they choose to. And it is our natural personalities after all; we don’t have to change ourselves to prove anything to others or “fit in” and as I’ve discovered from my travels, every society is different in any case. Being aggressive won’t pull it off in some of the cultures I’ve been living in.

  • Anonia

    Reply Reply July 1, 2013

    You are right about this. It’s good to have it spelled out. I’ve often experienced such jealousy from other women and girls since childhood. And yes, I do find that many men go after me, often too many (when I’m not even interested in them), even though I treat them very naturally, as friends, and don’t try to make them interested. I tend to focus on friendships, not dating.

    Also, yes, in this culture, I first realized even though I’m Western too (from another Western culture though which is less aggressive and more polite) that there was something different about me when I was bullied in junior high school (and even from some jealousy from childhood girlfriends). Another woman mentioned being bullied in high school for preferring dresses. Well, that was one of the reasons I was bullied. I was also more natural, more polite and more studious than the other girls. I also have always gotten along with men much better than with women, and had many guy friends even as a child, although I was feminine, not a tomboy. I have only been friendly with men, just to make friends (I treat them as brothers when getting to know them) and as a younger person I didn’t know what made them go after me, but I see now that it has been my unconscious femininity. I wrote a kind of long post below, but it’s since I was very happy to see this article and all the comments.

    Also, yes, the two worst experiences of my life were from women, and women who were not feminine at all but had very hard personalities. One of them (she had a high position) tried to turn all of my university dorm friends against me by spreading lies. My Japanese friend then said the woman was jealous and that it reminded her of things that often happen in Japan; I was so wanting to see the good in people back then that I didn’t want to believe her. Now this all makes a lot of sense.

    I’m also a people person who does not deliberately try to hurt others but wants to respect others. And I don’t try deliberately to be feminine: I mean, I’m attractive but I seldom wear makeup and while I take care of my hair I don’t do trendy things with it, but it still looks nice. Since I’ve been living abroad, I’m not into the latest fashions back in the West, but I like to dress in a way that I feel looks good on me, but I only do that for myself, not for how it looks to others, since I no longer care about that. I like feminine clothes, so I preferred the clothes I found overseas, which are more feminine, and I don’t buy local clothes here. I’m always very interested in health and beauty but more as it relates to health and personal improvement.

    I don’t put on any airs, I just act myself, but somehow I come across as being feminine anyway, even though I’m strong inside and am good at asserting myself but only when I need to. I’ve always been this way but I improved it from living abroad recently. Since I only assert myself when it’s needed (and it’s not needed as much back in the West) some Western women, the aggressive types, stupidly take that to mean I’m not capable of it. I’ve never felt the need though to show off my strengths only to prove myself. I find such competitiveness very petty.

    I’ve found that overseas, in less developed cultures and eastern cultures, women were in fact more feminine. So I fit in better there and did not experience jealousy for my looks or femininity. The jealousy I experienced there was for being Western or from a more developed culture. Back here again, the jealousy is for my femininity. It makes me totally sick of this culture.

    Also, as others had mentioned, I am seldom jealous but when I am it is never about another woman’s looks, since I only admire other attractive women when I see them and sometimes want to get ideas from them for myself, such as with hair or clothes, if I think something looks nice. But even if I do feel jealousy, which is rare and never about looks, I’m still very polite to the person so they are not even aware of it. I also don’t like being jealous and don’t make it my focus since I have much more important things going on in my life. I think taking revenge on someone out of jealousy is a sign of extreme immaturity, pettiness and superficiality, not to mention a lack of personal responsibility. It also gives women a bad name, so many of them need to grow up and stop revolving their lives around the ability to “catch a man”. When men perceive they are treating them as friends and not trying to “catch” them, they might start to have better luck in attracting them.

    • MissM

      Reply Reply July 1, 2013

      A-Your story is almost a mirror of my life! However I have a sister, mother who mistreat me as well!
      So to this day I have really no close girlfriends! I find most women are in competition with other women! Why is beyond me! I guess most want to be considered the queen bee! I am always looked upon as the queen by men, and scorned by women of all colors! When I was 14 I was considered homely, and had zero problems with girls. Then as I developed, I got scorned, and mistreated! It seems many women who were out to destroy me, everywhere I went! No matter my personality, which is fun loving, honest, open and a people person! I have men falling over me, my ex boyfriends and ex-husband still have me on a pedestal! I still do not know why, I am totally myself, except when I cross over into fantasy land. By that I mean when I feel like dressing up, applying makeup and wearing a dress, then I look the way I wish to look! Then all hell breaks out with women! I have had women wanting to fight me in groups in two different office settings! No woman even bothered to know who I was as a person first! No it was lets beat her up first! I am talking about grown women! I find that women need to work on whatever makes them feel secure then and only then can they ever accept and grow! Maybe then women like us will have a chance to feel safe and loved in whatever surrounding we may choose.

    • Sayo

      Reply Reply October 14, 2013

      Anonia- I have to ask, are you half Japanese as well? Your story is SO similar to mine….. I feel so much better after reading it. Thank you for taking the time to post :)

  • Dior

    Reply Reply June 22, 2013

    I encountered some occasional jealousy from other women growing up, but the last few years has been intense. I’m not the prettiest woman, im attractive because I take care of myself, but I’m not the youngest, most attractive woman even amongst people that I know. I’m 30, dating, and a graduate student. I didn’t even know for sure if it was jealousy that caused some of my friends and female clasmates to ditch me, turn on me, gossip about me, and even call me names. I was always nice and a team player but after seeing how they hated me despite my agreeable attitude, I decided to own all of all of myself, just be myself, be assertive and wow, they hated me even more after that. But at least I have my self respect. I am fit, take care of myself, try to wear feminine, attractive clothing, rather than jeans and t shirts all the time, and I have a lot of men interested me, often the most desirable Alpha types that are around.

  • Anna

    Reply Reply June 21, 2013

    Thank you for this article.. very enlightening.
    Sometimes you don’t get it until you are going through it.

  • Kel

    Reply Reply June 8, 2013

    I have turned down modelling projects just to keep jealous friends happy. I have not gone with opportunities because of friends, I have put my friends before me and even put myself down just to avoid friends jealousy. Now they are shinny and I lacked out on the opportunities and they left me for dead!

  • Lori

    Reply Reply May 11, 2013

    Thank-you for the informative advice. I have a sister-in-law (my husbands brothers wife) who behave exactly like the jealous woman you describe. She has done so much damage in my marriage, because she gossips with my mother-in-law about me, and they gang up against me. I am not an aggressive person, and my husband can’t understand this jealousy thing – to the point that he believes I must be doing something to make them gossip about me to the whole family. I have now resorted to staying away from them as much as is humanly possible, as I couldn’t be bothered to confront them again. The last time I confronted them and asked them to come to me directly if they have a problem – I was called a b*tch and ignored by the entire family. I am very feminine, because I like being like that. I am also very friendly and loving, but not to these two “out-laws” anymore !

    • Mary

      Reply Reply May 18, 2013

      Lori, I relate to what your said about your in laws. I have the same problems with mine. I’m very feminine also and my sister in law is “one of the guys”. I always wanted to be friends with her and tried very hard over the years to be kind and say nice things to her and their half sister also but everytime we get together she is always making snide remarks to me. Seems like I’m always wrong and she is always right no matter what the topic is. Once during the holidays the half sis and her both would ignore me everytime I tried to get in on their conversation. Sometimes they would flat out leave the room when I entered and giggle and talk quietly in the other rooms . I was young at the time and didn’t figure it out right away. Both of them were much older than me and I think were being very childish and petty by trying to brush me off like that. I believe they also turned their mother against me also because she has also made little snide remarks . I have did some modeling in the past and she asked me once “What I thought of porn”, I really felt like it was some sort of a cut down. It’s strange comments to me that really make me feel out of place with them which is sad because i believe families should be close. I have never got into any blow outs with them, I’m not very aggressive and I think they know this. I do my best still to get along. Since I live out of state I don’t have to see them much anyway. But I have got to the point of just not wanting to visit anymore. I feel for you.. It helps to know I’m not the only one who has these experiences with women.

      • Kel

        Reply Reply June 8, 2013

        Omg! It’s awful. They are so cruel. There’s so many women out there like this! I wish we could all get together and make them feel like this. It’s unfair and so evil. Women are the worst for this type of behavior I have been in this situation so many times and I’ve even quit my job cos I couldn’t handle being bullied anymore. I wish there was an answer to stop this when it happens. It’s a struggle tho :(. I hope it stops for you and I hope they let u in on their conversations. I know… Maybe put on 100kgs and grow facial hair so u look ugly like them, they will be so move to you after that!!!! Lol but so true unfortunately

    • Kel

      Reply Reply June 8, 2013

      I feel sorry for you. That is so terrible. I know that feeling but not with outlaws. Just with work friends etc. it’s cruel and vindictive what they are doing and I bet it’s your sister outlaw who is the instigator. She’s definitely jealous of you. Just be yourself and I hope your husband will see through it one day. It’s a very difficult situation to be in. Women can just be so cruel!

  • Jo

    Reply Reply April 2, 2013

    Hello Renee,

    Thank you for posting this article.I have been searching for answers too about why woman hate for no reason.These have been very helpful to me. I’m also a very feminine girl.I’m 22 years I know this woman 29 years old.Shes my boyfriend sister-in-law.I don’t do anything to make her do this to me. I’m nice to her.

    There is so much to say about this woman I can’t even remember everything.

    -Everytime we see each other and hang out she would always comment on what I wear; she would say “I dont like flat shoes” and I love love flat shoes.She tells and make up things just to prove her assumption.
    -If me and her talk she would look and pick my flaws like; she said “I have flat lips..?”,”I have big ankles..?”some girls we know heard what she said and we just looked at each other in our mind was “Whaat?” I can’t believe she finds my ankle as one of my flaw.WOW! haha
    -She always talk about herself on what kind of things she gets and show them of to me like; on how expensive it is,brands etc…She thinks that I get jealous about material things yet she copied some of my outfits.
    -I usually caught her trying to make me jealous of course she doesn’t make it to obvious,but hey..I have x-ray vision I know what shes up to her nasty mind.She can’t get away it.I think her friendship to me is 50/50 because she finds me as a threat and probably think we are in a competition.No matter what she does to me doesn’t destroy my self-confidence but actually defines herself as a low self-esteem,insecure woman who goes out there destroying other girls emotions.

  • Laura Perez

    Reply Reply March 28, 2013

    thank you for this article! This is so true. Thank you for the encouragement, because I am so tired of dealing with jealous and bitter women.

  • Annie

    Reply Reply March 28, 2013

    you know I agree with what you are saying because this is the REASON why so many women don’t know right from wrong in how to talk to people in general. This is why I stick to myself, know it sounds harsh but never appreciated hanging arournd people who like to talk about what she did or what she looks like or why did she wear this or ewww look at her. Theres an age when people need to grow out of it. Now a days we don’t even need to look at another woman because the female popultation loves to demean others on the internet. then compare notes on a saturday @ the calldisack or for the high powered controllers as long as it doesn’t happen to me with already made gal pals running up a credit cards and talking about The Real housewives of BH. or new jersey…. it’s sick….. be well

  • Jennifer

    Reply Reply March 28, 2013

    you can’t ever express the grief someone else goes through being aggressive. Meaning if your an aggressive woman who believes in the suck attitude you shouldn’t go around being mean to other women who are in their 40′s trying to make a healthy living too. Demeaning women isn’t in my brain and also creating friendships instead of others being harmful creates a toxic society and inept culture by those whom wish hardships onto others by words and actions. Very discouraging these days ….. and it’s sad. Uplift people and realize when someone is giving you an olive branch instead of being cruel. You don’t know what that other woman is going through. We are all beautiful in our own day. We are all going through the brunt of tough times sometimes a smile goes a long way. People do change for the better. good grief!

  • Dawn

    Reply Reply March 27, 2013

    I noticed from when I was a very young woman and even today (at 43), there are some women who can’t stand me. I am very social, honest, some would say “cute” or “attractive” and generally easy to get along with (until I am treated poorly or dishonestly, then I become a total bitch. Thankfully, that doesn’t happen very often). I used to be a massage therapist – which is a surprisingly competitive, female dominated profession – and I have never had more problems with women then I did then. Now, in a male dominated profession, I tend to get along very well with the vast majority of men and women at work. I enjoy being around men, and they enjoy being around me. It’s one of the best parts of my job, and there is nothing inappropriate going on, just an exchange of male and female energy. LOVE IT!!!

    I had an epiphany one day, after much meditation, counseling and introspection, that people who don’t like me tend to be insecure, and it primarily tends to be women. So, my strategy is to just be myself – I carry on being social and friendly, I am cordial and professional to the haters when I have to deal with them, without going out of my way, and if someone is being miserable to me, then I confront the behaviour with as much tact as possible for the situation. Usually I find that when I call a person on her behaviour, if she knows she was being a bitch, she usually denies it right away but the behaviour improves. If it was truly unintentional, then an apology ensues. Either way, I’ve stood up for myself, let it be known that I won’t tolerate disrespect and there will be consequences.

    It seems to work for me because I’ve managed to weed out the nasty, negative people, and have a wonderful group of feminine female friends, and some very wonderful male friends as well. Yay!

    • Dawn

      Reply Reply March 27, 2013

      And for the record – it is sad to say – that the majority of women with whom I clash are older. It’s very sad and shocking to me, because I really value female friends, but now I tend to not trust other woman.

      • Annie

        Reply Reply March 28, 2013

        It seems you just like being the center of the world around your friends and don’t care what you say or do around others because of the insecurity you do have?

        Are You a Social Cynic?
        Giving others the benefit of the doubt enhances your happiness.

      • Adele

        Reply Reply April 16, 2013

        That is great that you have found a great circle of friends. Never apologize for who you are. If you know you have good intentions, and you don’t set out to hurt people, then what do you have to feel bad about. Best wishes to you Dawn.

        • Dawn

          Reply Reply April 17, 2013

          Thanks Adele, I appreciate it. I am very fortunate to have wonderful friends, and the mutual support we get from each other is fantastic. And you’re right, I don’t apologize for being who I am and having standards – I have so much love to give and I want to spend that energy wisely. Life is too short to be surrounded withf with jealous or insecure people who drag you down – I choose to be in relationships and friendships where we lift each other up and celebrate our lives together.

  • Crystal

    Reply Reply March 25, 2013

    I’m loving this article and truly relate to most of these posts. I was feeling pretty down because of this issue lately and felt much better after reading this, so thank you all!
    I’ve never understood jealousy and have experienced this abhorrent, petty behaviour nearly my entire life. I was a competitive ballet dancer for a large portion of my life and eventually left my passion completely heartbroken. I was too young to understand what was happening and what continued to happen until recently. I’ve always been an open, cheerful individual that is quick to include and accept others but paid a hefty price regardless and even believed there was something wrong with ME. It brought me alot of shame and I was even foolish enough to cut off my beautiful blonde hair and dye it brown in an attempt to blend in, even hide.
    To be honest, I think those that are jealous are obviously insecure but I’ve always felt it stems from being ignorant and assumptive. Who am I to judge another female based on her outter appearance? Does it mean that because she happens to be attractive that she hasn’t had the same or worse struggles in her life that I’ve had? Would that not make me the shallow one…she’s simply competition and the buck stops there? Negative thinking is a CHOICE, therefore, so is feeling insecure in the first place, let alone partnering with jealousy and there is certainly no excuse for acting on it.
    I think as females we can naturally relate to one another in so many positive ways but many choose the “everyone for themselves” mindset instead. I don’t care if people think it’s “natural” to be jealous, like some animalistic urge, that’s a lie they are likely believing to justify putting others down so they can feel better about themselves.
    I was fortunate, I decided to start over and went back to college a second time. I excelled at it while working two jobs at the same time, met an amazing guy who loves and encourages me. Now I have a fantastic career because I decided I was worth more than the unfair rejection and disempowering words spoken over me. Ironically, alot of the girls I used to be friends with “dropped off the map” (as they were threatened and could never be happy for me) and I’ve made new ones with similar spiritual values and we don’t hesitate to encourage and edify eachother any chance we get. Although I still experience nasty behaviour here and there for seemingly unexplicable reasons :), I’m much happier believing the truth about myself and trying to pour positivity into the lives of other women because each of us matter and are oh so precious.

    • Carrie

      Reply Reply March 25, 2013

      Hi Crystal,

      Thanks for posting this insightful, honest response… I’ve just gone through a major life change, break up, etc, and removed 2 ‘friends’ from my life who were totally unsupportive due to jealousy (documented by me and another friend of one of the women) of both my home, the ‘things’ I had, and my body, which I’ve worked very hard to keep in good shape all my life. I too, was a gymnast for a decade up until I was 17, then quit cold turkey one day because of being unsupported by my Mother!

      I’m ‘up to there’ with these insecure women who manipulate their smiles, words and supposed ‘friendships’ only to benefit their own damaged egos. It’s encouraging to hear that you’ve found a circle of true girl friends who are like-minded! I look forward to surrounding myself with similar women as well! I’ve met two new great friends recently, who are totally supportive, sweet, and secure in their own beauty, abilities, etc. Hallelujah! They do exist!

      Cheers!

      • Crystal

        Reply Reply March 25, 2013

        Oh thanks Carrie!
        It is so nice to relate to and be related to by women who’ve weathered the same experiences and still manage to stay grounded and rise above. Everyone has their own unique journey and testimony and I love hearing about them!
        I can totally relate to the lack of support from family, it’s traumatizing not to have to support from those you love and need. I hope you regain your passion in one way or another again! I’ve felt totally revived revisiting mine lately, I feel it’s a key peice of my identity.
        I’ve also had it with females who allow themselves to be used for destruction. It is really hard not to take it personally sometimes, it’s annoying and hurtful. I don’t think it’s fair we are punished for taking care of ourselves and acheiving a life that makes us happy, let alone simply entering the public sphere!
        I read Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Womans Soul by Stasi Eldredge and it brought alot of perspective and healing to my life!
        There is something to be said for finding truly great friends, I’m happy to hear that! :)

        • Carrie

          Reply Reply March 25, 2013

          Thanks, Crystal!

          Well, my ability to remain ‘grounded’ has definitely been challenged lately. But alas, I’m regaining it! After a lifetime of this stuff, I even remembered a neighbor that wanted to fight me when I was about 9 because she was jealous that I took gymnastics classes!, it gets old. I’m glad I put my foot down with both of the unfortunately sick women who both put me down to my face. One was my ex-maid of honor, who had the nerve to tell me I was spending too much on my wedding, when my wedding was actually less than 99% of people spend by thousands. I told her every woman is entitled to her wedding the way she envisions it. Its so sad, but it has ruined our friendship, I just couldn’t forgive her after realizing how she sabotaged my wedding, telling me she ‘needed a new roof more than a dress and shoes she’d never wear again.’ Then weeks later she all but admitted she was jealous because we had the money to spend on it. Wow, what a kick!

          I am much more cautious now about how close I allow other women to get to me before spending a good amount of time around them or involving them in my life in any big ways.
          Thanks for the book recommendation, I will get it!

          Best to you and your future! Hold your head high!

  • Heather

    Reply Reply March 21, 2013

    These jealous women made my life Hell for years. My sister and I are highly feminine females, we always liked girly clothes, heels, hair and make up. When I was in high school girls spread lies about me saying I was a whore etc.. Even some of the female teachers were out to take me down. To make matters worse I had a butch/union sex cousin that hated me and like to gang up with the other girls and laugh at me when I walked the hallways. Some of the butch ones liked to start fights in the bathroom and make fun of my hair and make up. I could not believe some of the nastiness and blind hate I saw. My sister also worked in a office of all women and they made her life hell also gossiping non stop and once leaving a nasty threatening note on her car showing a flat tire on her front wheel. None of them would be friendly or speak to her and they made the evil stares and laughed when she walk in everyday just as they did me at school. These women made sure she did not get the job promotion she worked very hard to get.,things became so bad she was driven off and decided to quit. Alot of these women were in their 40′s and 50′s and they still act like they are in high school. I’m glad to see we are not the only ones who have had these experiences. The sad thing for me is its hard to make female friends. I thought things would get better as I get older but some women are still up to the same old games. It’s silly to live in such pettiness and ugliness of the spirit.

    • Lee

      Reply Reply June 7, 2013

      I have to say I’m glad to hear someone notice like I do that some older woman who you would think would grow up and mature are worse than ever!!!!! I may have been like this at 20 but my god now I’m a grown woman I realise that it’s kids stuff to be like that. Honestly I think they are pathetic I really do. My husband always raved about a woman he just thought she was so beautiful and she was and still is. However it did bother me a bit back then but when I really thought about I told myself that its not her fault that my husband thinks she’s beautiful so why should I not like her , and that’s how I look at it now with maturity !!!!!!! If you think someone is gorgeous just admit it because the world is and always will be filled with stunning woman , I would actually admire a woman before a man I just love their beauty I love looking at them. The only woman I won’t acknowledge are the ones that are full of themselves , because I don’t care how stunning you are , you are not for everybody so don’t just automatically think everyone thinks you are as good as you do cos you are not!!!!!!

      • yateera

        Reply Reply January 30, 2014

        Totally agree seems wherever you are at school work or social setting,there always someone jealous,especially if. People are drawn to you from your kind,friendly petsonality

  • deedoubleyou

    Reply Reply March 10, 2013

    I just wanted to say that this article has reassured me and made me feel much better about myself. It’s just what I’ve needed to hear! I’ve always saw myself as a tomgirl. The reasoning for a “tomgirl” is that I like to do lads activities yet express my femininity through the usual hair, make-up, clothes, nursing course, etc. For my entire waking life I have been bitched about and actively brought down for I don’t know why. Now I do- because I must be feminine! It stopped once I started uni, then happened again not too long after I started (by a “butch”) But alas, she was dealt with. There has been nothing for over a year. These past couple of weeks I’ve noticed that I’m starting to lose a bit of weight, have a part time job which earns me commission, and just appear generally happier in myself as I’m seeking treatment for anxiety. Now all of a sudden two of my friends are behaving badly. I’ve not done anything to upset them but today they actively WATCHED me in work from the coffee shop opposite and made fun of my hair. How did I find out? A facebook post. Can someone tell me who actually does this? Now I’m not being paranoid because they were making fun of the size of my put-up. I like big hair so I bought one of those big donuts for it. Now my collegues poked fun but we do that to each other and wasn’t snidy. I just don’t understand why these girls are behaving like this? CAN SOMEONE HELP OR GIVE ME REASSURANCE? I live with them.

  • maria

    Reply Reply March 1, 2013

    i found this article very helpful i worked as a barmaid until my boss ran off without paying the bills and clearing the place out so i lost my job and when new owners took over the pub i thought i would ask if there was any chance of them hiring me briefly i explained the situation and was asked to leave to my number but recieved a really frosty reception i hadn’t been in the pub for over a year when two days ago the weather brightened up and i decided to go in for a pint the girl behind the bar made it obvious she didn/t like me rolling her eyes body language off and fake grin i was perfectly polite and shrugged it off trying not to take it personally then i decided today to go in for a lunch time drink and the woman who rents the pub her face dropped as i walked in the atmosphere was cold and i didn’t feel welcome at all she even made a point of asking if i wanted a diet coke well my first instincts were definitely right but my mom always said its when they stop insulting you you have to worry as youre no longer competition . i am feminine and if you don’t have it you aren’t likely to get it im not a jealous person but if your on the recieving end of it brush yourself off walk tall and remember they are not worth getting upset over( easier said than done i know) good luck and take the high ground

  • Love

    Reply Reply March 1, 2013

    This is a really nice and thoughtful article. I believe that every beautiful and feminine lady out there, should endeavour to embrace her values, feminity and all. Feminine and lovely ladies are rare these days and its a great thing to be labelled as one. Although, as you stated, one must never let another insecure or maniulative individual to bring her down. Beautiful work I must say. Keep up the good work dear!

  • Anna C

    Reply Reply February 25, 2013

    I have a story. It is true that other women can sense femininity and get scared by it. I would say I’m a pretty feminine woman. But I realize that sometimes, I can be that jealous woman. Usually, I’m very happy to see another feminine woman… BUT… not if they seem attracted to my man. If this occurs, I get into very territorial mode. I become almost dark feminine but also very aggressive inside. I’m usually a very spiritual person. Last weekend, we had a big dinner, and there was this very feminine girl sitting at the table beside my man. He introduced me as his girlfriend, but this girl and him went to the same college- a strong commonality. So, I was threatened. AND the fact that she seems SO feminine, more feminine than me. My man even took it a point to pay for her dinner, and mine too, and he does NOT have a lot of money. At first, I was LIVID. But then I realized that he paid for her dinner because he is a kind man, and he knew she was not rich, and new to the city. And they had some good conversations. I did not blame my man for what he did, because I know he wouldn’t be the cheating type. He’s very loyal. But I was livid because I saw this girl looking my man up and down, several times during dinner. I knew she wanted him. But I was ready to fight her, in my mind. I knew she would not last if she tried anything. But still, I knew WHY I didn’t like her – and that was her femininity that I wanted. She seemed more feminine than me. I suppose in this case I would need to build up my own value instead of tearing hers down. I would need to be more feminine than her so that my man would be more attracted to me instead, and never her. But it’s still very scary to deal with an unattached feminine woman who seems to have eyes for your man. That is a very difficult and delicate situation.

    • Ann C

      Reply Reply February 25, 2013

      So, how does one maintain radiance (a feminine trait) when you feel natural aggression (a masculine trait) towards someone?

  • Emily

    Reply Reply February 23, 2013

    Thank you so much for verbalizing EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON. I worked with a few John Candy’s and some Wesley Snipes and some Newmans (from Seinfeld) all women… some in their fifties using vile (that was a shock) language. They were frequent users of social networking too. I like the technology, but was surprised at how insidious these aging grandmothers were. They are so manipulative and pit others against others and then speak of religion and praise. I have seen it all. They then go online to befriend randoms and create an online persona likely. I’d heard them speaking of online situations and be so taken aback at their immaturity, inner ugliness and stark jealousy. They would be severely afflicted. I knew that I had a special-ness to my walk and a dip in my hip and arch in my back that they likely did not appreciate. I knew that my voice was lulling and my smile inviting. I knew that I liked kindness and would erect a tall wall where inner ugliness resided to keep those destructive jealous fems at arms link where they couldn’t touch me. Well they reached a little further.

    Others early thirties. though I was “the nicest person in there” they proceeded to tear me down. Horrendous incidents you would not imagine. My longstanding relationship years and years long, my beautiful skin, classy fashion, self purchased home, self purchased new car, good credit, perfect attendance, over perfect productivity measures and respectful and YES EXTREMELY FEMININE disposition asserted me in the TARGET PRACTICE category.

    I had lumber Jack females calling me names, invading personally, sabotaging me. I stuck it out and ignored with passiveness and smiled still. The more accolades and compliments the more rabbit they became. It was like Cujo…..except, I had no relationships with these dogs. I had only been nice, but after hearing how insidious they were to others, I kept my distance and kept it to hi and by mostly. They began to converge to get me off of my job and finally it worked. I am on the verge of losing everything. Its funny because the company and supervision was so disgusting that they did nothing much…even when others spoke up however silently.

    Nothing…

  • WilMadison

    Reply Reply February 22, 2013

    Hello there! Love the website. Made me think of an article I found the other day defending physically beautiful women. Not a common perspective but a clever one.

    Wrath of the Rotund
    by Guy Somerset
    http://takimag.com/article/wrath_of_the_rotund_guy_somerset#axzz2LGfwPnv2

  • AMM

    Reply Reply February 21, 2013

    This is kind of long but here I go.

    When I first started dating my Boyfriend of 4 years I become close to his older brother. Him and I had so much in common and we were identical in so many ways. Eventually he married this women who seems to be a nice Christian women. Me on the other hand I did accept Christ but I was rough around the edges because I was bullied my whole life and I was scared to show emotions out of fear of rejection. As time went out Things got worse for my family and I was homeless at age 19. My BF helped me move to where he was going to school and I was closer to his brother and his sister in law. I would hang out with them a lot because I didn’t have any friends since I was new. Eventually his wife began treating me badly and would make snide comments towards me. for example. I told her I got two jobs to work and I was excited to start. What does she say to me? That’s good it gives you less time to eat.. I let it go.. Then one day I was alone with her and she told me I was no longer allowed to be friends with her husband. She said she was jealous of me and I was too much like her husband and felt threatened having me their. She told me not tell him because he would think she was nuts. I got so offended and hurt I ended up not talking to either one of them in a long time… Eventually he began to act weird towards me and my boyfriend would force me to take him to see his brother and sister in law and I told him I never wanted to see them again. I was just so hurt by the shadiness of this girl. She is foreign and would talk crap on me to her mother and that’s why he mother was always rude to me. I never figured it out until she tried to accuse me of being a home wrecker. It hurts so much because I lost a friend and It’s all because I was too much like him.

  • SirenSong

    Reply Reply February 5, 2013

    Not that it matters, by the way, but Gloria Steinem lead the feminists in America in the 1970s and was absolutely drop-dead gorgeous… you can look up pictures of her undercover at the NY Playboy Bunny Club to prove it!

    But the real point is that you owe all the modern day rights you have as a female HUMAN BEING to feminists. If it were not for feminists, men would not have given you the right to VOTE, the right to OWN PROPERTY in your own name, or the right to control your own sexual and reproductive choices. It’s feminists that gave all of us women the ability to use birth control, and prosecute bad men in the court of law for being deadbeat dads, for rape, for sexual harassment, for not paying equally for equal work, etc. How you could possibly equate all of these basic human rights which have only been granted by law because of feminists, as a matter of ugly women being jealous of “feminine” women, is beyond insulting.

    I happen to be a beautiful, young woman – AND a feminist. Because, *gasp*, I like being able to vote. And I like being able to own a house without a husband. And I like being able to have a credit card in my name, and the freedom to choose whether or not I want to be a parent. I like being treated like an equal in society – at least by the letter of the law – and not as disposable eye candy who needs a mans permission.

    If you want to talk about jealous women, it’s the “feminine” wall-flowers who are jealous of women who take charge, kick butt, and look amazing doing it. I’ve heard more bitchy, nasty, incredibly jealous comments about “masculine” and very *sexy* women like Angelina Jolie and Madonna than anyone else… because they are completely comfortable with their sexuality, with their beauty, make absolutely mind-boggling amounts of money, have every man on the planet checking them out and have no problem wearing the pants (and the dominatrix boots!) in a relationship. And all the boring, submissive, would-be-housewives out there, who just long for a man to tell them what to do, can’t hold a candle to these real women of beauty and action.

    • R

      Reply Reply February 8, 2013

      Actually, it’s the women’s rights movement that gave women the right to vote among other things. The feminist movement didn’t come until later under the guise of women’s rights, fyi.

      What Renee says is true, a lot of feminists seem to be angry, bitter women who see femininity as a weakness, you being one of them. Embracing your femininity doesn’t mean you’re denying anything to yourself, just accepting your true feminine nature(there is such a thing, contrary to what feminists believe about gender roles). And btw, I can only imagine how your relationships with men must be: An angry constant battle. How sad.

      • SirenSong

        Reply Reply February 8, 2013

        Seriously? Read a history book! All groups who pushed womens rights forward, who believe that women should have equal rights to men as they both deserve basic HUMAN rights, are “feminists” by definition. So far there have been three “waves” of the feminist/womens rights movement, the first fought for the right to vote in the early part of the 20th century, the second (in the 60s/70s) gave women reproductive choice and various other legal rights in the workplace (such as equal pay for equal work, maternity leave and no sexual harassment) and the third wave of feminism has expanded to include more minorities such as women of color, immigrant women, lesbian, bisexual, transgender women, and others.

        Secondly, there wasn’t a single word in my post about “embracing your femininity” or “femininity being a weakness.” My post was about basic HUMAN RIGHTS that feminists had to fight for to benefit ALL women, and for that they deserve our upmost respect. You clearly want to imagine some really bizarre things about “femininity” in order to create a fake argument. I personally don’t give a damn if you embrace “your feminine nature” or not, if you stay home to be a mom or climb a corporate ladder, or both, and it’s the FEMINISTS who gave you the RIGHT to choose the life you want. Because before feminists fought for legal and social and cultural changes, you had no choices other than being a second class citizen. That you would even argue against this, is beyond belief. It only shows your massive ignorance about what life for women was like before women had basic rights.

        Did you know that before the late 1970s, single mothers giving birth in catholic hospitals in the US had their babies stolen from them, and put up for adoption, without the mother having any say in the matter – because they were considered “unfit mothers” for not being married? And that this was LEGAL!??

        You really need to educate yourself. There are a lot more important issues in the world concerning the mistreatment of women, than your “expressing femininity”. Women are denied life, limb and property, systematically raped and kept as virtual slaves around the world by men, and you just want to make sure they are “feminine” enough, and don’t ever get angry. Give me a break.

        When it comes to gender “roles”, the feminists rightly believe in set gender roles, that people should be free to choose whatever role they want – where as you claim there is a “true feminine nature” and put all women in a box. It’s hard to believe anyone could be so closed minded as to think that all women are naturally 100% submissive and “feminine”, and any woman who fights for her basic rights or gets pissed off because she’s expected to sit down and shut up in society, is somehow denying her true “feminine nature.” There is a lot more to being a woman than you seem to think.

        I mean seriously, you must still live in the victorian era and be taking your cues from Freud to think that women can’t also be world leaders and CEOs and successful in all walks of life, and that any woman who doesn’t bat her eyelashes and speak in a soft, submissive voice when her rights are denied is just ‘confused’ about her ‘role.’ And rather than making any kind of intelligent argument you try to personally ‘insult’ me by saying my relationships with men must be terrible… is that really all you can think of to define a womans life? How she gets along with a man? Talk about a second-class complex!

        I’ve yet to meet a modern man who didn’t agree that women deserve the same basic rights as human beings as men do, in the workplace and in society. It’s only confused, ignorant-of-history-and-the-world women like you, who completely define themselves by the presence of a man, arguing against your own freedom that drag us all down.

        Oh and FYI for you: Men *worship* strong, confident women who know their own worth and don’t settle for less. You should take a lesson from Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, Queen Elizabeth, Catherine Hepburn, Elizabeth Taylor…

        You have a lot to learn about the issues and the facts, and I can’t waste any more time. Get educated and stop fighting against your fellow females basic rights – I’m done.

        • American Men

          Reply Reply February 19, 2013

          Free clue. Men don’t like women who have your attitude. Strong women don’t have your attitude, because they are secure and self-assured, and have nothing to prove and nobody to blame.

          Strong women don’t politicize relationships and gender, and those who do are shunned by men of worth. Life is too short to waste on a resentful man-hater.

        • Catherine

          Reply Reply March 18, 2013

          I did not get to read this entire thing but it really pisses me off when some women are afraid to say “I am a feminist.” The definition of feminism is that you agree with women’s rights. I understand there is an aggressive or masculine perception of feminists because of some of the protests but come on ladies, not all feminists hate men. Many men love a strong (yes feminine) but strong woman. It takes a strong woman to stand up to jealous women, to raise kids, to love even when not being loved and to have enough self respect to believe they they deserve the same pay and right to vote. Femininity does not mean passive, it means love. Would it not be better to embrace all women? Especially the jealous ones could use love to know and feel their own worth!

        • Anonia

          Reply Reply July 24, 2013

          A woman can maintain a sense of equality with men by being herself. It isn’t nnecessary for her to try to imitate men in order to be considered equal. In fact, imitating men means that deep down you believe that male-like behaviour is more acceptable than female-like or feminine behaviour. Naturally, there are women who exhibit a little more of their masculine sides than others, just as some men are more sensitive and artistic. But women should be respected for being themselves and not be put down by OTHER WOMEN for being more womanly or possessing more of the traditionally feminine characteristics. When women learn to embrace their own qualities and natures, then and only then can they truly see themselves as being equal with men, since they can feel equal while not using the male template as a reference point.

          I believe completely in male and female equality, but I won’t imitate men and I also believe completely in being myself. I don’t see why when I am confident in myself I should be treated like dirt by a number of other women, particularly whenever I am on this continent..

    • Ace

      Reply Reply March 11, 2013

      I’m really sorry to hear this, I too, was forced to quit a job I loved (and had taken a considerable albeit temporary pay cut for which in turn led me into debt since I then had to quit), with a boss I loved because a jealous (and get this, she was, I thought, more beautiful than me, but apparently more insecure because my boss took me on a business trip after I’d only been there 6 weeks and never took her in 3 years) co-worker set me up to look like I was the one to cause a project to be done in the nick of time instead of the 3 weeks ahead of schedule I tried to get her to help me with it in. I had the emails to prove I had been asking her (my boss actually assigned her to help me since I didn’t have all the know-how she did yet), offering to stay late or come in on the weekend to get it done, but she stalled, then made us come in at 8am when the project was due by 10am and we finished it as the lawyers were walking by our desks to pick it up. My boss came down on me about it and didn’t want to listen to reason. So I quit. What else could I do? I saw where this was going to go, she had senority and I knew I’d need her again for questions.

      So sad that women are so petty to waste one another’s time, and all the amazing things we could be accomplishing in the world. I just went through another battle this week with my neighbor who tried to break up me and my fiance over her jealousy for my beauty, the way I dress, etc. She has hounded me since we moved here 2 years ago, but then pretends to be my friend to my face. Why can’t women see that beauty truly does come from within and support other women? We are all losing because of these insidious battles.

      • Heather

        Reply Reply March 22, 2013

        Thanks for sharing your story I have been going through these same issues with women for years. I agree jealous mean spirited women are not always the butch Lumber jack types. I have been surpised by a few that I thought were beautiful on the outside could act just as bad or even worse than the butch types. I often think they may feel your their competition, that maybe you take the “spotlight” off of them around men, so they decide to ruin your life. I read that back in the 70′s Raqel Welch was making a movie with a young beautiful Farrah Fawcett ,Raqel was very mean to Farrah on the set refusing to say anything kind to her even making nasty comments about Farrah’s teeth , hair, etc.. Amazing to me as beautiful as Raqel was that she would have felt so threatened by another women’s Beauty. It”s the classic Snow White story. I’m not a jealous type myself . I enjoy having friends that are younger and prettier than me, because I feel I can learn things from them and we can learn from each other. . I agree all this pettiness is such a waste when we could all be suporting and kind to each other, think of all the good friendships we miss out on because of all this silliness. The sad thing is alot of grown women 50′s + are actting just as bad as they did in high school. No matter how little or how much beauty we have outside the beauty from our hearts is what counts the most and even the most beautiful woman in the world can seem wicked when her heart is cold.

    • Mary89

      Reply Reply April 5, 2013

      I agree with SirenSong about women rights. Personally I think every woman has the right to be the one she wants: masculine, feminine, sexy, girly, tomboy, “wall-flower”, etc. The point is THE RIGHT TO CHOICE. Dont judge her comment so angrily. Btw, I cared that most deadly jealous women are the ones who try hard to look sexy but cant. They are in a permanet competition to attract men, so it s hard for them to be around a beautiful feminine woman who attracts men easily without doing any special effort.They are not srong women, because these type doesnt care much about male attention. I dont say they are never bitter but lots of them make sisterly friendships with more delicate women, even protect them. If you think a strong woman is a miserable who lacks love & feminity, so why you hate her? You should pity her. It seems that some weak( & not necessarily more feminine) women are jealous of strong, active women.

  • Aileen

    Reply Reply January 26, 2013

    Thanks for the great article on feminine confidence. I don’t have a bitchy personality myself but have always had female coworkers make nasty comments about what I wear – I love wearing feminine clothes – one used to wear shoe thongs everyday! I love being a real woman & even now when I go to cafes etc (i am 42 years old) I find that I am very comfortable talking to all staff – male & female staff, I am lucky to have a lot of male admirers & I think again its because I love wearing beautiful clothing & now being older I have to deal with ageism as well ,one female 20 something staffer told me that i am a married woman & shouldnt flirt with the male staff – we are talking to each other & I am a very friendly person naturally -it doesnt mean that I want to sleep with every man I talk to but she makes me feel this way..I feel sad us woman have sacrificed our friendships. I ignore what younger women tell me- I live my life the way that I want to…Thanks for the great article.

    • Ace

      Reply Reply March 11, 2013

      Rock on, sister! I’m 40, but people constantly ask if I’m 28. I’ve eaten well, work out, take good care of myself and, most importantly, keep a positive attitude despite the hoards of women who have tried to bash me, my feminine clothes, etc, over the years. Be proud of your femininity and your lovely outgoing personality! And keep ignoring!

    • Dawn

      Reply Reply March 27, 2013

      Well, here’s the thing with the young women who put you down because of your age – beauty fades, but stupid is forever. What they lack in chronological age, they also lack in character and life experience, both of which can enhance attraction and connection to quality, masculine men.

      Others often think I am only in my mid-30s (I am 45), and I am friends with a man years younger than me. I know he finds me attractive and we do have a connection – however, he has a girlfriend who is 10 years younger than him – and she likes to gloat and I know she’s made comments about my age. Who cares? I can’t change my age, but I have more class than she ever will, and the right guy will want me for everything I have to offer, even though physically having children is not in the cards for me. Let them have each other – I have better things to do than feel insecure because some young, ignorant girl thinks she’s better than me because of the birthday on my driver’s license.

  • Marie

    Reply Reply January 23, 2013

    I came across this doing a search and it’s a very interesting article. I too struggle with this from time to time but not so much now as before. It tends to slow down as you get older and others around you that have caused problems like this age as well or just simply vanish. I still have to deal with one person in particular but it’s through a “second” party so to speak and I don’t have much contact with her, but I do understand it’s very difficult when you’re still in the midst of it and have not much of a choice in avoiding it, like in a workplace.

    I can never understand what motivates women like this to perform such cruel intentions towards an innocent simply based on their own insecurity… Especially when dealing with adult aged+ women, it’s like dealing with a hormone imbalanced teenaged girl at times and can become very frustrating when their signs are clearly visible to everyone else but themselves. They fail to understand that it’s shows clearly through their body language and their immature actions despite whatever efforts they use to cover it up. What’s a shame is whatever “comfort” they feel by doing this type of harm to another is short lived, when the answer to true comfort is so simple: Be satisfied with what God gave you. It’s that simple.

    • R

      Reply Reply February 8, 2013

      Yes, I too find this behavior the saddest when exhibited by grown women. So immature and frustrating…

    • Ace

      Reply Reply March 11, 2013

      Hallelujah! Tell that to my 65 year old neighbor who has spited me behind my back and smiled to my face for years, all the while coming to my house for parties while slowly but surely making digs into my looks, choice of clothing, etc. This week, 2 months before my wedding, she, for the 2nd time in 2 years, tried unsuccessfully to break my fiance and I up. When I stood up to her and told her everything I don’t care for about her negative attitude and obvious jealousy she sent an email to my fiance calling me a narcissist. All I’ve done for years is tried to boost her ego by helping her with her uncountable issues with literally every person in her life, both her sons, people at her old church, her ex husbands, ex friends, hmmm, is there a pattern here… there is no one in her life that stays because she drives everyone, especially young women (her daughter in law) away from her.

      And yes, it is absolutely the saddest coming from a woman who is old enough to be my mother and should be nothing but kind, sweet and supportive to me, as I’ve been to her. Instead she befriended a 19 year old boy to the point that my fiance and I started joking calling him ‘the surrogate’ boyfriend since she says she’s also given up on men.

      I think there needs to be psychological counseling for these women, specifically focusing on this issue. Women as a gender have enough challenges in life, we don’t need to be adding to each others’ headaches. Be happy with what God gave you, jealousy is so ugly and petty.

      • Heather

        Reply Reply March 21, 2013

        OMG! I experiened the same thing with a older lady who like you said I tried to help by befriending. She seemed like a sweet innocent motherly type at first but after a few months the nasty comments started and never stopped. I tried to give her excuses because her son recently died in a drug deal gone bad. I had also had a recent loss of a loved one and was trying to help her taking her food , sending cards etc.. I was being a good Christain kind human being to her. She also had alot of x husbands, xfriends and xneighbors , even her own sister and neice wanted nothing to do with her. That should have told me something also. Within months she turned into a monster and turned on me cutting me down in front of other people and making nasty remakes about my clothes and hair etc… She started asking to borrow things like my small TV and never offered to give it back then she wanted me to help paint her house, demanding that I do things for her all the time even useing a nasty tone with me on the phone more than once. It was turning into a nightmare. I was going to be this woman’s doormat if I let her. I finally stood up to her and told her I didn’t like being constantly criticized and it was best I go my own way. She told me “She was sorry I felt she said something wrong” LOL! I truely believe this woman may have had some sort of psych drug addiction that was adding to her nastiness, because she was constantly taking pills and mixing them with booze. It taught me alot about who I get involved with in the future. If you let the wrong people in your life they will rip your self esteem apart..Thanks for sharing.

        • Carrie

          Reply Reply March 28, 2013

          Thanks, too, for your reply and such a similar story, Heather! It’s at least very comforting to hear others stories and how they have worked through them.

          I spent 2 years constantly building up my neighbor’s esteem about her arguments with her sons, her body, etc. Now I realize, after sending her a very point-blank “stay away from me with your negativity” email, that avoiding having her in my life at all is a good policy. She starts to feel bad after a while and sent me this email saying she “didn’t realize how horribly I thought of her”. So I know she is now going for my pity, but I’m not giving it to her, because it will just start the vicious cycle all over again where she pretends to be sweet and be my friend, then starts the negative accusations. She is very jealous of my body (which I’ve literally worked a lifetime to keep in decent shape) which I don’t totally understand because she’s not in bad shape for her age. I know the problem is just a level of crummy self-esteem which I can’t totally relate to and I do, on some level, feel bad for her, but I also know she is the only one who can help herself.

          Thanks for sharing and good luck with your neighbor! Hold your head high no matter what!

          Have a great day

      • Heather

        Reply Reply April 1, 2013

        Thanks for the reply. I’m lucky that this older woman was not my neighbor but lived out of town from me. I was able to end it and never have to see her again ,it’s been several years ago . She also tired to make up to me with a few cards saying “she missed me” lol. I agree with you I think alot of the way she actted was from her own insecure self esteem problems and jealously. You are right I’m sure she would be back to the same old vicious cycle had I got back in contact with her. This woman had also been very pretty when she was younger and was still attractive for her age. I understand everyone can feel insecure about getting older but they should not take it out on us. I was going through a hard time myself and this crushed me at the time because I really thought I had a friend in this person. I finally got sick of the constant snide remarks , I knew for my own self respect I had to get away from this person. It also helped me to watch Joyce Meyer and listen to her motavational tapes. I agree lets just hold are head up high no matter what!

  • Laura

    Reply Reply December 13, 2012

    If you are beautiful, other women may hate you. Be beautiful anyway. If you are successful, others may resent you. Be successful anyway. If you are happy, others may be jealous. Be happy anyway. Because in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

  • Mari

    Reply Reply December 9, 2012

    erin, you are so lucky to have attended baby as art! i am on the wtiniag list and met brittany and carrie at wppi at the asuka booth. your newborn work is really looking fabulous! i love it. it is a goal of mine to get better and better at newborns. i love working with them. what is it about them that makes it such fun? i know what you mean! if you ever wanna do something together i’m all for it! i love to practice and play. such great work! lesli

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