3 Options When You’re Stuck with Bad Female Friends

Article updated 2018

You would know by now that who you spend time with is who you become. That means that if you spend a lot of time around people who are negative and spiteful, you will eventually become negative and spiteful too. This is a follow-up post to the post Warning: Pick Your Friends carefully.

Proximity

Most of us will encounter bad friendship groups, bad friends or bad influences in our lives due to proximity. You may work with a group of people whose conversations are negative or bitchy, or whose values do not align with yours. You may simply have family members who do not add a lot of value to your life, or who feel like an absolute pain to be around. Schools and Universities are also another great source of random “friends” you meet because of proximity.

So, what does this all mean? What do you do? If you already have a friendship group that you’ve realised are bad influences, what are your options? What about childhood friends whom you have known forever? What about parents or brothers or sisters whom you love but have a ‘heavy’ energy that makes you wish you weren’t spending time with them? (Click here to take the quiz on “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

Given that the tendency to become who we spend the most time with; the next logical question is:

Should you leave your friends?

The short answer is no. You do not have to leave your friends. The point of all of this is that you must pick your friends carefully, and be mindful of whom you spend the most time with.

However, if you find that you have been spending a lot of time around people who are not the kind of influences you want in your life, here are your options:

1) Influence them, and become a greater influence in their lives than they are on yours; or

2) Take them out of your peer group or influence.

3) Stay knowing that your life will never be as bright as it could be. (Don’t pick this one)

Let me explain.

Option 1

With this option, you don’t leave your existing friends; instead, you lead them. Provided that you have determined that you can give them hope. Don’t lead your friends simply because you believe your values are superior, but rather, if your friends are in a bad place, or aren’t fulfilling their potential, or are being unfair to the people around them; you can provide your care and love. (Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

There is a gray area, where you can stay a good friend to them, but stop spending as much time with them, if at all. You can always care for someone and be there for someone without having to spend a lot of time with them. This is a bit of a grey area. You may only choose to do this with family or childhood friends.

LOVING a friend and being a TRUE friend doesn’t have to mean that you make that person or that peer group the main influence in your life and spend a lot of time in their presence. It just means that you will be there for them if they ever truly need you, but that your time is better spent elsewhere.

To be honest, your life is too short to just settle for an average connection with another – for breadcrumbs – a feeling that you have ‘company’, for fear of feeling lonely, or being SEEN as a loner.

By making solid choices, you then allow yourself more room to grow.

By leading your friends, you get growth. Also; by forcing yourself to find better influences, you get growth too.

A note about leading your friends

You must be sure within yourself that you are prepared for leadership. If, say, your friend(s) have some bad attitudes about life that don’t serve them, you can care more and offer them solutions, and them help them create the life of their dreams.

This, however, can be a very difficult task. Many people will listen to you when they’re in your presence, but as soon as they return home, they may resort to their old patterns again. Old patterns that have taken them years, or decades, to cement in to their life. Be mindful of this. You must have (or must develop) strong leadership qualities in order to do this. It also takes some time to fully influence someone.

Think about a change in your own life you may have once “tried” to make, and it took days, months, even years to fully change. Worse still, for most who try to change an area of their own life, they never fully get there anyway. Weeks go by without anything really “changing”.

Think about the typical news years resolution. When was the last time you knew of someone who kept their new years resolution?

Or what about the person who is going to quit smoking? Or lose weight? How often does this ever truly eventuate?

So, if you are like many people, and have so little influence over your own life, then it certainly will be infinitely difficult to influence someone else with totally different belief systems and ideas. Though not impossible.

Leading your friends and peer group is about bringing a more compelling picture of the future and communicating to them in a clear and precise way so that there cannot be any miscommunication.

Do it to contribute to those whom you value, not for your own need to feel superior or smarter. If you can repeatedly communicate this message to these friends without having doubts, then those individuals will eventually align themselves with you or with more empowering beliefs and/or energy! 🙂

Option 2

With this option, you decide that you will take this friend out of your influence and/or peer group. On this path, you send that person love, and move on and take another path. You may just need to give them space.

People come and go in your life. You may not be able to keep every single friend all the time, in the way you’d like. Leaving a friend behind does not have to mean that you don’t care. For me, I only make this decision when even my own resolve to lead them over and over has proved uneventful. Some people just simply have no good reason to change, even if they know they ‘should’.

Don’t stay joint at the wrist for fear of loneliness. Love is not lost just because you don’t have as much contact with a friend.

People always have their own ambitions and desires and fears. They are not always (usually not, in fact) at the same stage of life as we are, from moment to moment. We can’t always expect our friends to grow and make the choices we want them to make. They sometimes need their own kind of growth, and sometimes that means making major mistakes and have up and downs in life. We need to remember to respect that and remember that a life that is flat is not a life worth living.

So give your respect to other people’s decisions. If that friend comes back into your life, welcome their presence, but don’t settle for their negative or destructive influence in your life.

Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…

Option 3

You are worth too much to do this. Honor yourself. We have all been given only a short time on this earth, so, do remember to not just settle for little crumbs of connection. You are not this kind of woman! Otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this.

Nurturing your differences

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you are friends with someone whom is very different to you, this does not mean you have to leave them! If you feel inspired by them, loved by them, and you both nurture your differences, as long as this friend is not pulling you down or a bad influence in any way, then there is no problem with such a friendship.

By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only.

If you haven’t downloaded your copy of the Goddess Report, click here to do so.

What are your thoughts? 🙂 Have you ever had any bad influences? Or been in a bad friendship?

email_polaroid

P.S. Connect with me on social media

0 0 vote
Article Rating

High Value Women Group

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
18 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
The Dude
The Dude

I’m a man, beware a beautiful woman scorned…

Jessica Wade
Jessica Wade

I remember the Whodini song called “Friends” and TLC’s song “What About Your Friends.” How many of us have them, friends… What about your friends will they stand their ground, will they let you down, yeah… I had a female friend that I thought was a true friend. We talked about guys we thought were cute, go to the mall and have lunch and talk on the phone for hours on end. Then she told people I was gay behind my back. When I confronted her, she got mad and so-called kicked me out of her locker. Ever since then,… Read more »

Katelyn
Katelyn

Just recently I have gotten out of a friendship that had gone south. At first I tried to understand that she was going through some things that were really difficult for her. However, it seemed that anytime I brought up something that she didn’t agree with she would get angry. Originally, it would be when I would express this deep yearning to reignite an intimate relationship with a mutual friend of ours. I realized that she would often tell me that I needed to learn to be happy independent of my mine. I felt that I was already happy, given… Read more »

Anais
Anais

There’s a girl I’ve been friends with for 10 years (let’s call her “E”) who I think is passive aggressively jealous. She’s given me relationship advice that she delivers as well-meaning but I began to feel she secretly hopes I remain single forever. For example, when I felt discouraged over a guy a few years ago, instead of being supportive or offering something I could use to improve the connection, she said “you may never get into a relationship that is long term and serious, so you should get feeling comfortable feeling single and keep on living my life. But… Read more »

Chinnie
Chinnie
Reply to  Anais

I am going through the exact situation with a friend that I have known for 10 plus years and let me tell you that being her friend is exhausting. I guess I was just clinging onto the best friend moments and how long we have known each other, but in all reality it doesn’t mean shit. That’s the sad truth I am finally starting to figure out.

Holly
Holly

Since under going psychological help, I’ve lost contact with both my dad and sister. Although this has hurt, I’m glad that they are no longer apart of my life as my dad has belittled me consiously aswell as unconsiously. It was my dad’s decision to cut me out of his life as I serviced my feelings to him over the phone, telling him his behavior had hurt me. As for my sister, she sent me home on a night out, straight after I arrived which was a 25 mile jurney to travel their to. In both circumstances I felt no… Read more »

Gaily
Gaily

I’ve encountered friends like these before – bad influences, I’ve tried my best to do option 1 but it never worked on them, so I had no choice but to leave them. That was like, 4 years ago and now? They’ve all reformed except for one. You’re right Renee, sometimes people need to grow on their own. Thanks for this post. <3

*poof* :3

Harry
Harry

The majority of the so-called friends I have come across in life have always soaked up my advise and example like sponges and were only to happy to benefit by it. Only, the majority have always taken to trying to sabotage me, undermine me, cause me harm behind my back, or display they’re jealousy, envy and sense of rivalry in other ways. In other words, if I am generous to my fellow man and can benefit him without suffering any loss, I think nothing of it. My view is that we live in a world of abundance. This view isn’t… Read more »

Hank
Hank

Great Article. I prefer just to ditch my friends…maybe that’s why I have none…
Nonetheless, good article!

Gavino
Gavino
Reply to  Hank

That is exactly what I do, and I would rather have no friends than be friends with losers. You can be my friend lol

Jessica
Jessica
Reply to  Gavino

Amen to that Gavino!

Jessica
Jessica
Reply to  Hank

Right on Hank!

stefanie
stefanie

I have been struggling for so long with this issue (and the ‘pre-post’)! I’m very glad to see it all explained now. It takes away a lot of guilt and it empowers me on those cases where I had some doubts… It’s very good to read the truths and insights disconnected from my own life and emotions – it makes more sense this way. I have this friend who I know from highschool. After that, we spent about 3 years not keeping in touch (we didn’t argue though, it just happened that way) – then we met by coincidence again… Read more »

P
P

Hello Renee, this is for u …

It is a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.

W. Somerset Maugham

Lily
Lily

This article made me think! One thing for sure is not to loose oneself in friendship or relationship. I think to have great friendships is the greatest joy one can have.

Poppy War
Poppy War

Great article! However, I like option 1 the best. Its nice to be a great influence and help other people go in the right direction.

Farrah
Farrah

great advice! 🙂

Mary

I have been in friendships where the people were not really my friends but were just using me and I was not able to see this. Very hurtful.

Send this to a friend