Choosing great girlfriends is just as important as choosing a great man. One affects the other. You become who you spend your time with.
How do you feel when you get dressed up all nicely for a night out with your girlfriends and one of your close girlfriends totally ignores it and doesn’t compliment you? And not only that night, but every single night for years prior to this – she just never compliments you. How do you feel?
Let’s be honest here. I’m not talking about being self obsessed – this is not about fishing for compliments because you want to take from others, or getting angry because no one is giving you the attention you think you want. This is about your friendship with that particular friend.
Sharing feminine energy with girlfriends
See, one aspect of feminine energy is that it’s about sharing energy. That’s why we women can talk for hours, it’s a sharing of energy! We don’t need to solve a problem, we just need to talk! And, that’s natural for the feminine women of the world. Compliments are the same. It’s a way of sharing energy.
And more importantly – complimenting and praising each other as women is important because genuine praise is a gift you generously give to another woman that is worth far more than the effort it takes to give it.
Only, when a friend never compliments you – maybe she only compliments certain women whom she thinks are better than her, or women whom she secretly thinks are not a threat, or only women with black hair – whatever. The sharing of compliments should be universal for women. But often, it’s not.
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A woman who doesn’t compliment is not genuine
I’ve thought about this. Personally, I can’t stand not complimenting other women or supporting them through praise; women who are kind and are beautiful; I feel it’s stifling not to compliment, and it’s not genuine! (unless they’re not kind and beautiful of course; because they have an ugly nature and want to hurt others, and then I wouldn’t be hanging out with them anyway).
Not complimenting is not genuine because it’s just that: not genuine! If we were honest for a moment – we can ALL see and acknowledge radiance, happiness, beauty, and just an all-round great woman.
You can’t trust a woman who doesn’t compliment…
See, what I’ve worked out in myself, is that I can’t fully trust a girlfriend who doesn’t give other women, or give me compliments. I also cannot trust a girlfriend who only compliments on achievements (like career, job, money) and not things to do with my radiance.
Feminine radiance that is genuine is really a gift – and it should always, always be celebrated and complimented.
Compliments on achievements are a different thing…
Achievements, though they are wonderful, are a masculine thing – when a woman congratulates you on that, usually, it’s a sign of respect. That’s a sharing of masculine energy and it doesn’t serve female friendships as much as complimenting. It doesn’t bring two women closer and it doesn’t create a bond where there is trust NEARLY as much as genuine compliments do. Would you agree?
Here is why the woman who doesn’t compliment is untrustworthy: because she is already feeling extremely insecure. That’s why she is not complimenting. You can’t trust a woman who perpetually lives in and operates from her insecurities. Firstly, it’s a selfish thing to do to live in your insecurities.
I say that because I did it for a long time myself, and watched as people got more and more annoyed with me, and sadly, witnessed myself becoming a taker and a leech on people’s time and attention, rather than being a giver. It sucks to enjoy your own problems too much.
And secondly; the woman who doesn’t compliment has no resources to enjoy other people’s radiance and feminine energy anyway!
See, what leads to an inability to compliment other women is a lack of resources within a woman herself. ie: she doesn’t feel pretty herself, she is bitter because she always felt second to other women, she felt oppressed and deeply hurt by other women growing up, or her parents just never complimented her and rather, put her down, so she is uncomfortable with compliments altogether.
What to do when your girlfriends just don’t compliment…
Here’s what I suggest if you have acquaintances or friends who don’t compliment:
1) I suggest that when the time is right; complimenting all of them genuinely.
A lot of women at first DO secretly think nicely of a woman, but their mind quickly searches for FLAWS! Don’t allow yourself to be this kind of woman; in other words, a fraud. Be the real you.
By the way –
Of course, don’t compliment for the sake of it. You want to naturally allow yourself to COMPLIMENT rather than WITHHOLD. (read my article on Mediocre Women)
Not withholding is more important than digging for a random thing to compliment on
What I learned humbly through my own experience is that getting along with other women is a skill. We too often say “oh women are jealous, I get along better with men!” True, women are the worst to other attractive women.
But that’s no reason to settle for a lonely life without feminine energy around you to light you up!
Surprisingly, you’ll be shocked how much other great, feminine women can do for you and your love life. The more feminine girlfriends you have, the more support you have, and the more your well of emptiness fills up and you don’t have to grab at a man to try to get HIM to be in the role of a girlfriend for you. Which he’ll hate anyway, unless he’s more feminine. Or the new age type guy.
2) Compliment and give yourself acknowledgement, so that your own radiance can shine. One thing’s for sure. You need your own acknowledgement more than you need anyone else’s!
Here’s what I am training my own self to do:
Whenever I feel myself worrying about something I did, or something that happened, I consciously give myself a compliment for what I’ve already done.
If you feel you made a mistake at work somehow, then acknowledge yourself for making progress in the past anyway. Everyone else is stuffing up as much as you are, believe me!
If you feel you wore the wrong skirt today; remember there’s always tomorrow to wear something more appropriate and acknowledge and compliment yourself for noticing that wearing that skirt wasn’t the best choice.
When you can acknowledge yourself, you can acknowledge others, and create friendships and bonds that you deserve. And more importantly, NEED in your life.
One small aside: Don’t get too upset with women who don’t compliment you. More often than not, this is also a woman who cannot RECEIVE compliments from you about herself. And she will refuse to believe you, and might even hate the person who compliments.
Women like this I can almost guarantee you; they are suffering. A woman who cannot compliment, or always looks for ways to bring another woman down is quietly suffering. Probably more than you think.
The question is: Do you want to be the woman who criticizes this type of woman? Or would you rather be compassionate? The latter does a lot more for your attractiveness and radiance. It’s your choice.
Forming bonds with other women is more important than you think…
Always remember: choose your friends carefully. In this masculine charged world that many of us live in, it’s more and more important to form bonds with other women and to share feminine energy; just TRY with the women who don’t compliment.
Look to acknowledge her, and compliment her. If she still chooses to lag behind and feel bad for herself, then you’ll be far better off being a good friend to another woman who is feminine and who lights you up – and whom you can light up in return. (Click here to get my eBook on 17 Attraction Triggers)
Just don’t fall for the myth that achievements are what life is about. It’s not! Nobody ever loves you for achieving things. People love you when they feel connected to you. When you spend your life chasing achievements and neglecting friendship, you are doomed for sadness.
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What is your opinion on women who don’t compliment? Have you had an experience with a woman like this? How did it turn out? How did it make you feel? I’d love you to share so that other women can learn from you.
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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