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Do You Have Girlfriends Who Don’t Compliment You? Here’s why that can be a problem…

Article updated 2018

Choosing great girlfriends is just as important as choosing a great man. One affects the other. You become who you spend your time with.

How do you feel when you get dressed up all nicely for a night out with your girlfriends and one of your close girlfriends totally ignores it and doesn’t compliment you? And not only that night, but every single night for years prior to this – she just never compliments you. How do you feel?

Let’s be honest here. I’m not talking about being self obsessed – this is not about fishing for compliments because you want to take from others, or getting angry because no one is giving you the attention you think you want. This is about your friendship with that particular friend.

Sharing Feminine Energy

See, one aspect of feminine energy is that it’s about sharing energy. That’s why we women can talk for hours, it’s a sharing of energy! We don’t need to solve a problem, we just need to talk! And, that’s natural for the feminine women of the world. Compliments are the same. It’s a way of sharing energy.

And more importantly – complimenting and praising each other as women is important because genuine praise is a gift you generously give to another woman that is worth far more than the effort it takes to give it.

Only, when a friend never compliments you – maybe she only compliments certain women whom she thinks are better than her, or women whom she secretly thinks are not a threat, or only women with black hair – whatever. The sharing of compliments should be universal for women. But often, it’s not.

(There Are Exactly 7 Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to Men. Do You Know What They Are? (& How to Avoid Them Like the Plague)? Click here to find out right now…)

A woman who doesn’t Compliment is not Genuine

I’ve thought about this. Personally, I can’t stand not complimenting other women or supporting them through praise; women who are kind and are beautiful; I feel it’s stifling not to compliment, and it’s not genuine! (unless they’re not kind and beautiful of course; because they have an ugly nature and want to hurt others, and then I wouldn’t be hanging out with them anyway).

Not complimenting is not genuine because it’s just that: not genuine! If we were honest for a moment – we can ALL see and acknowledge radiance, happiness, beauty, and just an all-round great woman.

You can’t Trust a Woman who Doesn’t Compliment…

See, what I’ve worked out in myself, is that I can’t fully trust a girlfriend who doesn’t give other women, or give me compliments. I also cannot trust a girlfriend who only compliments on achievements (like career, job, money) and not things to do with my radiance. (Click here to complete the quiz on “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

Feminine radiance that is genuine is really a gift – and it should always, always be celebrated and complimented.

Compliments on Achievements are a Different thing…

Achievements, though they are wonderful, are a masculine thing – when a woman congratulates you on that, usually, it’s a sign of respect. That’s a sharing of masculine energy and it doesn’t serve female friendships as much as complimenting. It doesn’t bring two women closer and it doesn’t create a bond where there is trust NEARLY as much as genuine compliments do. Would you agree?

Here is why the woman who doesn’t compliment is untrustworthy: because she is already feeling extremely insecure. That’s why she is not complimenting. You can’t trust a woman who perpetually lives in and operates from her insecurities. Firstly, it’s a selfish thing to do to live in your insecurities.

I say that because I did it for a long time myself, and watched as people got more and more annoyed with me, and sadly, witnessed myself becoming a taker and a leech on people’s time and attention, rather than being a giver. It sucks to enjoy your own problems too much.

And secondly; the woman who doesn’t compliment has no resources to enjoy other people’s radiance and feminine energy anyway!

See, what leads to an inability to compliment other women is a lack of resources within a woman herself. ie: she doesn’t feel pretty herself, she is bitter because she always felt second to other women, she felt oppressed and deeply hurt by other women growing up, or her parents just never complimented her and rather, put her down, so she is uncomfortable with compliments altogether.

What to do when Girlfriends Just Don’t Compliment…

Here’s what I suggest if you have acquaintances or friends who don’t compliment:

1) I suggest that when the time is right; complimenting all of them genuinely.

A lot of women at first DO secretly think nicely of a woman, but their mind quickly searches for FLAWS! Don’t allow yourself to be this kind of woman; in other words, a fraud. Be the real you.

By the way –

Of course, don’t compliment for the sake of it. You want to naturally allow yourself to COMPLIMENT rather than WITHHOLD. (read my article on Mediocre Women)

Not withholding is more important than digging for a random thing to compliment on

What I learned humbly through my own experience is that getting along with other women is a skill. We too often say “oh women are jealous, I get along better with men!” True, women are the worst to other attractive women.

But that’s no reason to settle for a lonely life without feminine energy around you to light you up!

Surprisingly, you’ll be shocked how much other great, feminine women can do for you and your love life. The more feminine girlfriends you have, the more support you have, and the more your well of emptiness fills up and you don’t have to grab at a man to try to get HIM to be in the role of a girlfriend for you. Which he’ll hate anyway, unless he’s more feminine. Or the new age type guy.

2) Compliment and give yourself acknowledgement, so that your own radiance can shine. One thing’s for sure. You need your own acknowledgement more than you need anyone else’s!

Here’s what I am training my own self to do:

Whenever I feel myself worrying about something I did, or something that happened, I consciously give myself a compliment for what I’ve already done.

If you feel you made a mistake at work somehow, then acknowledge yourself for making progress in the past anyway. Everyone else is stuffing up as much as you are, believe me!

If you feel you wore the wrong skirt today; remember there’s always tomorrow to wear something more appropriate and acknowledge and compliment yourself for noticing that wearing that skirt wasn’t the best choice.

When you can acknowledge yourself, you can acknowledge others, and create friendships and bonds that you deserve. And more importantly, NEED in your life.

One small aside: Don’t get too upset with women who don’t compliment you. More often than not, this is also a woman who cannot RECEIVE compliments from you about herself. And she will refuse to believe you, and might even hate the person who compliments.

Women like this I can almost guarantee you; they are suffering.   A woman who cannot compliment, or always looks for ways to bring another woman down is quietly suffering. Probably more than you think.

The question is: Do you want to be the woman who criticizes this type of woman? Or would you rather be compassionate? The latter does a lot more for your attractiveness and radiance. It’s your choice.

Forming Bonds with Other Women is more Important than You Think…

Always remember: choose your friends carefully. In this masculine charged world that many of us live in, it’s more and more important to form bonds with other women and to share feminine energy; just TRY with the women who don’t compliment.

Look to acknowledge her, and compliment her. If she still chooses to lag behind and feel bad for herself, then you’ll be far better off being a good friend to another woman who is feminine and who lights you up – and whom you can light up in return. (Click here to get my eBook on 17 Attraction Triggers)

Just don’t fall for the myth that achievements are what life is about. It’s not! Nobody ever loves you for achieving things. People love you when they feel connected to you. When you spend your life chasing achievements and neglecting friendship, you are doomed for sadness.

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

Renee. xoxox

What is your opinion on women who don’t compliment? Have you had an experience with a woman like this? How did it turn out? How did it make you feel? I’d love you to share so that other women can learn from you. 

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Sherry Jay
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Sherry Jay

I don’t fish for compliments but I do notice a colleague who sat beside me never gave me a single compliment. You know how good you look on certain days (if not everyday) and although almost everyone you met pays you a compliment, this person sitting right beside you just look and said nothing. Infact, she even went on to compliment herself ever so often. I am almost 10yrs older than she is and she never fail to make me feel like I’m 100yrs older. Recently at our office dinner, the MC approached me to sing. Everyone was surprised and… Read more »

Sid
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Sid

There’s a lot of assumptions here. Firstly, women value different traits and will compliment others on what they deem to be most important. I’m a female business owner. I value intelligence, hard work, a sense of humour, skills, ethics and acheivement of goals (doesn’t have to be business related). I compliment other women on these things and love it when they compliment me in return on these things. I rarely compliment women on things like appearance or ‘energy’ (I’m not even sure what that is), as outside of dating they are irrelevant to me (I’ll compliment a man on his… Read more »

strong beauty
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strong beauty

if you need a compliment from someone you are insecure…

JWebb
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JWebb

As a male, a recurring echo in my life, starting from very little, are women who cannot give a compliment to me under any circumstances. When I was very young it was my older sisters and my mom. As I grew older I became strongly independent emotionally (as a coping mechanism) but at the same time continued to encourage women I was interested in, emotionally supporting them, helping to boost their confidence and esteem and even had doomed relationships with some, where it was just a massive sucking black hole with no return. Nowadays I avoid them. I can see… Read more »

Gayle
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Gayle

I find women who don’t compliment are jealous. If another woman is that jealous of you, she finds you a threat, and you’re better off not having much to do with her as she will look for ways to bring you down and look for that one time you screw up, which we all do. Women who can’t find something to compliment other women won are basically selfish and narcissistic. I will compliment a woman like this a couple of times. If she doesn’t reciprocate, in a genuine fashion, she’s not fit to be my friend. Period.

Hannah
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Hannah

Thank you for this article. I’ve been mystified for some time as to why I rarely if ever receive compliments. I frequently notice and tell my friends they are beautiful, kind, or prettily dressed, yet I can’t recall the last time any of them reciprocated. It especially hurts because they all will frequently gush over one another in my presence, consistently leaving me out, I’m seriously no less attractive in natural appearance or clothing habits then they are… My love language is words of affirmation, so it cuts more deeply than it otherwise would. Sometimes, these women will even comment… Read more »

Karen
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Karen

I can relate to this, Hannah. Especially among one particular group of friends did this become a pattern – and it ended up becoming pretty hurtful. One of the women was a sort of ‘queen bee’ who everyone else pandered to and complimented. This particular person was very attractive – but the rest of the group was no less so. Everyone took a lot of notice of her, not just looks wise, but generally – and it was like all the complimentary energy went towards her. There was nothing left for anyone else – and she certainly never returned the… Read more »

Patricia Pimenta
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Patricia Pimenta

I had this friend in college, she’d always sleep over at my place, and I at hers, we’d study, talk about boys etc. I started noticing a pattern. We didn’t see each other everyday and when we did I’d usually complement her because I did find her truly beautiful and I don’t have a problem with saying and meaning a complement. Only she never once said a good thing about me, I’m not always dressed up, and when I was she would go and say “why are you so dressed up” as though I had to have an ulterior motive… Read more »

Gayle
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Gayle

That’s a woman who seeks to take other women down. You’re better off without her. She lacks generosity. I have known women like this. They don’t change, even years later.

KMA
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KMA

Spot on. I learned a long time ago that a woman who can’t celebrate another woman is incredibly insecure. Some are capable of simply being otherwise nice people and you just have to learn where to place them and keep them in the hierarchy of female friendships (this type of woman will never be a best friend/true confidante at the top). Others are ultimately consumed by their own jealousy and will resort to grade school antics that will ultimately sabotage the friendship. I’ve had plenty of the latter in my life over the years. Naturally outgoing and self assured, as… Read more »

Saransh Gururani
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Saransh Gururani

I totally agree with the point that these women..neither complement nor like being complemented.
I had a female friend whom I was close to.
I observed her never complementing except 1 or 2 times in an year.
Even when I used to tell her she is sweet and she has a good heart.
Either she used to be silent or I used to get this response that “I dont like complements.
I dont like love and I am uncomfortable in presence of a person knowing that he loves me.
What could you make out of such a person..
Please do reply with ur thots..

Thanks
Saransh

Rosiebyanyothername
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Rosiebyanyothername

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am fortunate to have two girlfriends with whom I am very close. We “compliment” (or rather, congratulate) each other frequently – if someone has got a job, or a promotion, or is looking especially radiant in a bright colour she’s wearing because she’s brave enough to express herself. In my culture, we don’t compliment people much so it took me a long time to be able to accept a compliment gracefully, and to not feel awkward complimenting other people. But I believe that a genuine compliment adds to both the giver and the… Read more »

Super Janice
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Super Janice

Renee, I am genuine and authentic, let’s be friends!

Super Janice
Guest
Super Janice

From Renee’s perspective:
Achievements are masculine. When a woman congratulates you on that, usually, it’s a sign of respect. That’s a sharing of masculine energy and it doesn’t serve female friendships as much as complimenting.

I understand Renee. She isn’t Enneagram Type 3, but that’s me! Hence, I PREFER being complimented for my achievements than my appearance.
https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-3/
https://www.enneagramworldwide.com/types/the-performer/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-career-within-you/201602/are-you-enneagram-type-3-achiever
https://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/type3.php

Super Janice
Guest
Super Janice

I often compliment my girlfriends their radiance although:
1) They aren’t my close friends.
2) I understand that from Buddha’s perspective, females in Earth aren’t physically attractive.

Super Janice
Guest
Super Janice

Ms. Renee,
How can I know whether my core is masculine or feminine?
I am probably feminine because: I could talk for hours when I was 12.
I am probably masculine because: Instead of being praised for being beautiful/ pretty, I prefer to be praised for my achievements.

Janice

jen
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jen

I have a dear friend that ive known for quite some time. She does have a heart of gold, would do anything for you,cries if she thinks shes upset you. The thing that she does not do, and never has, is celebrate my successes, whatever they may be,small or large. Compliments are not her strong suit,at all. It bothers me greatly because as much as we share in common, this one area is completely opposite. My feeling is and always has been to let someone know if I think they did something amazing, look beautiful, have a nice kid,good husband,etc.… Read more »

disqus_9Km56rOeez
Guest
disqus_9Km56rOeez

Here’s a question from a husband….what if your wife has never given you a compliment after 14 years of marriage? I’m not talking about ‘hey good job on the house’, or ‘you smell nice’…. I mean you are handsome, sexy, cute, that sort of compliment. It seems there is no answer for that.

Kat
Guest
Kat

That’s not right. Compliments make us feel loved.

Tamara Chappell
Guest
Tamara Chappell

Yes, men need compliments too. Its sad that she doesn’t do this. Have you asked her why she doesn’t? You should talk with her openly and authentically about it and see how she responds. .Do you compliment her when she gets a new hair style or tries to look pretty. Do you look at other wonen alot without realizing it? These could be why shes not complimenting everyone you. If not, it could be that doesnt understand that most men really enjoy and need to feel desired sexually. For some reason, us women dont realize men need this too.

Lee
Guest
Lee

It’s what they are not saying that you need to really pay attention to.

Tina
Guest
Tina

yup, it’s not like you’re fishing for compliments, but you expect those who are meant to be your closest friends to give compliments. Their opinion matters most than those who are just acquaintances.

Carrie
Guest
Carrie

I don’t agree with this post at all. I get complimented on my looks all the time, and it is really annoying. There is more to women than how they look. Yet society seems to emphasize the importance of women’s appearance. I am highly educated and I run my own business, but all people ever notice is that I’m attractive. It is extremely shallow and demeaning. Because I find it so annoying myself, I generally do not compliment other women with frequency. This isn’t because I don’t think they’re attractive, but because I do not value physical appearance over things… Read more »

Super Janice
Guest
Super Janice

Good! The problem isn’t simply complimenting about appearance. It’s OK if we get complimented on my looks–but we need to be complimented for our morality and achievements too!

Ms Deb
Guest
Ms Deb

Looking forward to how your feelings evolve when you’re 75 years old and invisible.

Sid
Guest
Sid

Yes! Exactly! I’m the same way. I want to be complimented on things I’ve worked hard for rather than ‘well done for winning the generic lottery on appearance’! I want other women to achieve things too and will motivate and celebrate those in my circle on hard work, skills, meeting goals, etc.

Lynne
Guest
Lynne

I like this article because I’ve noticed this behaviour with a few girlfriends in my life and it’s not just the that I need compliments all the time but there is this demeaning silence from particular types who actually are quite competitive for male attention, are typically pretty / attractive themselves and get a lot of male attention, are insecure. I find it odd that even when it’s obvious that I’m looking good for a special occasion for instance there is not a word from them while others around me will be giving compliments. So yes I always end ip… Read more »

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