The 6 Rules You Must Know BEFORE Buying A Man Any Gift

Article updated 2020

If you’re like me, you love giving gifts. It’s just a nice feeling – ESPECIALLY when you like and respect that person. Hey, sometimes buying gifts for someone else feels 100 times better than it does buying something for yourself.

It’s nice to put a smile on someone else’s face, isn’t it? But in all honesty, when it comes to men that you are romantically interested in; be careful. You may think buying and giving gifts nothing big, but, it does matter; especially when you are only dating and not sure if he is committed to you. (Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?)

The way you go about buying and giving gifts matters, and more importantly, WHAT you give and HOW you give the gift sets up the right dynamic between you and a man, or it doesn’t. (Read my article on creating an outstanding surprise)

What you give and how you give it can make you seem low value or high value in a man’s mind. That doesn’t make you less, though, it just makes him less attracted to you – and consequently, makes you less attracted to him (which sucks for you, too).

If you are buying for a male friend, you can THEORETICALLY go all out, because you’re not romantically interested in him. But personally, I don’t even do that with my male friends that I consider to be like a brother.

There’s a reason: it’s because in my BODY it doesn’t feel authentic to do this; it just doesn’t feel like I’m being the real ME.

I know my true gift is in being there in ANY man’s presence at ALL – and being happy, open and radiant. Your radiance and openness is a gift bigger than the size of the number on the price tag of your birthday or Christmas gift.

When it comes to buying men gifts, in the past I’ve made so many stupid and embarrassing mistakes that are pretty much too embarrassing to talk about. And it can be difficult knowing what gift to buy a man on any occasion – these days, so many of us already have everything we need, and it’s easy to buy something you think would be valuable, but a man doesn’t find to be a good gift.

And if you read through these 6 rules and realise you’ve made these mistakes, it’s cool, woman! You, me and every other female on the planet has made, or IS making such a mistake big time.

No problem, mistakes are a gift. Without mistakes, you can’t fully feel the satisfaction from getting things right.

Here Are Your 6 Rules to Follow:

1) Spending more doesn’t make you more valuable as a woman.

So…why choose the more expensive option? Why spend a tonne on a man when you’re just dating, even if you have as much money as Paris Hilton? Is there even a good reason?

See, if you subconsciously want to flaunt your ability to spend a lot, then you’re not really in your feminine energy – and a man can’t feel you as a woman who enjoys being taken care of. Flaunting your ability to spend a lot doesn’t touch a masculine man – it will touch a more submissive man, or a man who is LOOKING out for a rich woman.

Hey, if you really, truly DON’T want to be taken care of, and you prefer to be the one taking care of HIM, then you can go ahead and ignore this rule.

But if you want the man you’re romantically interested in to be your hero, and to ADORE you, just don’t spend more for the sake of looking good. In fact, where you can, spend less.

(Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…)

2) Buying more items reduces the value of each gift you give.

The idea is simple. Us humans generally like to acquire, to own more, to feel the satisfaction of ‘owning’ material goods in our life.

So this rule is VERY counter-intuitive in practice. But…think about it: if you have 50 items of jewelry, does it make every piece more special?

Or do you still keep one or two favourite pieces that you wear over and over again? You grow attached to a few of the jewelry items; that’s generally what happens.

A man (and anyone, really) will remember the gifts you give that mean something to THEM. They won’t keep in their memory many years down the track ‘oh that person used to fill up my Christmas stocking with 100 items that are useless and meaningless to me!’

The more of something we get, the less valuable it becomes. And this happens subconsciously.

When giving gifts, it’s more important to make an emotional impact on someone than to get a reaction of ‘woah!’ from them in reaction to the sheer VOLUME of gifts you’ve given them.

Remember that saying: “less is more”?

Hard to remember this in a context where you’re buying gifts for someone, but IMPORTANT.

When it comes to gift giving, if you are going for the whole feeling that ‘yes!’ I am awesome and I have the money to buy a man TONNES of gifts!

Then..the message you are really sending is: “I get my feeling of self-worth by PROVIDING for you. I’m the man.”

I am of the belief that when it comes to being romantically interested in a woman, the masculine men in the world around you will find you more endearing and want to take more care of you if you either

1) Get him nothing at all, and just receive what he gives you.

Or 2) make a simple purchase that is meaningful and leave it at that. It could be a mug, or you could make a lamb roast (yum, lamb!) Don’t flaunt riches. Don’t flaunt ‘provider’ abilities. You don’t need to.

You are far more vulnerable than that (that did read vulnerable) 🙂 – you rather him do THAT for you – is that right? Really, are you truly attracted to a man whom you need to buy things for and take care of? Answer honestly for yourself.

If yes, then do things that encourage him doing that to you by NOT buying more, and not buying more expensive.

Your ability to react to and enjoy anything that a man gives you is far more interesting than your ability to give expensive gifts.

3) If you give a gift, make your gift either 1 – useful or 2- sentimental.

When it comes to gift giving….it’s tempting to buy a man several items of clothing…or a cologne or another wallet…because these are the easiest options and it’s what every other girlfriend is giving her boyfriend and it saves time and thought on your part.

If you want to get him ANY of these things, make sure that it has a context and that it’s not just an ‘extra’ on top of all the other clothes he has or wallets he has just for the sake of ‘acquiring’ things.

For example, if you have been dating a while and you know he’s going hiking in January and has no hiking gear, then a pair of hiking pants is nice because they serve a particular purpose for him in January, and it shows you understand him. (Click here to complete the quiz “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

Most men like things with a purpose (tools, etc), or things that are sentimental. Unless a man is very feminine, he doesn’t give a damn about buying more and more clothes and gathering more and more things unless those things serve a clear-cut purpose in his mind.

Most are also not interested in pointless, fluffy, jingly things.

ie: You might appreciate cupcakes. But men aren’t moved by that. It just doesn’t ‘touch’ them if you give him cupcakes as a gift. Avoid it! (yes I see women doing this often!) he might enjoy eating them, but it won’t really touch him deeply.

ie: You might like cute lunch bags – but buying him a plastic zip-up lunch bag with a cute little soccer ball printed on it that a 10-year-old boy could also use – he won’t appreciate it (yes, that’s actually also a real story. And the woman’s husband responded to the gift by saying ‘well, that’s not very manly!’). He’s stating the obvious.

Now, I thought twice about putting in the word ‘sentimental’ here, because a lot of women will take that and RUN with it. ‘Yay! I can get him a nice photo with ‘I love you so much’ printed on it!!’ Well…if you are married or have been together a long time, this gift is OK.

But not when you have NO idea where your relationship with this man is going! You have to wait to give such sentimental gifts. (read my article on How to Get Him to Propose)

If you have been together less than 6 months, stay away from sentimental gifts unless it’s the first time you are doing something like that and you are sure that HE has already done something like that for you at least two or three times.

Now, by sentimental, it depends on your relationship situation. If you are in a long-term relationship or marriage and you really ALREADY feel like the WOMAN in the relationship, and you feel adored – then do what you want!

Just be mindful and conscious all the way. Be conscious of WHY you’re choosing to buy a gift.

Do you really need to get something extra?

If so, why are you getting it? Are you getting it because you feel you must, otherwise he will think you don’t LOVE him? If so, it’s the wrong reason to get the gift!

Are you getting him the gift because you think you should in order to show him that you are interested in him, although, inside, you’re aching for him to do for you, and don’t actually LIKE being the one giving gifts to show your interest?

If you don’t feel adored yet, and he is NOT committed yet – then, whether you are dating or having something long term, your focus still needs to be on establishing the dynamic that you want with a man.

ie: not being the MAN in the relationship (unless you want to be). So keep sentimental gifts to something small like a key-ring with a personal joke or personal photo attached, or a mug with a special quote or photo on it.

4) The less time you have spent dating, the better it is to buy less and spend less.

This is to help set up the dynamic that HE is the man in the relationship, and not YOU.

Look, you can make this mistake and maybe things will still work out if you and him are very compatible. It’s just the better choice, but if you’ve already made the mistake, then just do things differently next time, that’s all!

5) When in doubt about whether you SHOULD buy anything at all, buy nothing at all.

And just make or buy a nice card to wish him happy birthday or happy Christmas.

There’s no need to buy something just because you think you should.

(By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)

6) When and if he buys you something, make your reaction to the gift honest.

But do not criticize him (that’s not honest). It doesn’t matter if a man gives you something and it makes you want to burst out crying (I’ve done this before. And it only brought my husband and I closer, and he felt far worse about it than I ever did!)

If a man wants to make you happy, you have a good man. If instead he just calls you a bitch and never comes back because you cried over the present, well good! He wouldn’t have come back in the first place anyway!

It was either going to be this Christmas or some other random reason for him to take off. Some men are just not compatible with you like that; and some of them…well, they have a weak masculine energy like that.

Unless you were intending to criticize him and be a bitch about it. That’s just not a good choice on your part. Whatever he gives you, just know that it’s a start that he tried to give you anything at all.

Thank him, always thank him for giving you anything, but don’t pretend it’s orgasmic if it makes you want to cry. If it makes you over the moon, BE over the moon, if it upsets you, let it upset you! If it surprises you, LET it surprise you!

You’re a woman, it’s OK to be real and to feel with a man. That is what I believe, and I’ve done things this way for many years, and it’s never backfired on me.

You don’t want to do this with friends or others, but with a man, it’s OK. Men are funny creatures, you’ll be surprised how much the best men out there don’t mind you making them think and work out why on earth you didn’t like their gift. They’re stronger than you think, and not as sensitive as your Mom or your girlfriends.

Click here to check our popular program Understanding Men. 

Now I am handing it to you. Share your thoughts about buying men gifts. Do you have any personal rules that you follow? IE: you always spend less than a man, or you never buy a man gifts? Share your thoughts so other women can learn from you!

renee wade

P.S. Connect with me on social media.

Our new Facebook Group is here… Join the “High Value Feminine Women” Community using this link

P.P.S. Have you checked out our High Value Banter class where we teach you about the 3 rules for “High Value Banter” to help you create romantic tension and emotional attraction with men online? Check it out!

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Nazzain lee
Nazzain lee

My boyfriend ask me what my gift to his birthday and I said maybe watch but he said I like brand not local brand and I said ofcours I will gift you brand watch and he chooses expensive brand but he said no need because is to expensive and he worried because I work hard but I said it’s okay it’s come from my heart to give you a gift . what is meaning if boyfriend choose a brand expensive gift for him I don’t want to think bad because he’s my boyfriend and I love him thatswhy I want… Read more »


Wow! Dating & gifting sounds so complicated right now. I’m a guy myself and i think i’d appreciate any gift my partners gives me; regardless of what it is. But if a gift is really necessary, honestly, most guys are techies and you can never go wrong with a tech related gift. Stuff like a virtual Reality Headset, the latest DJI Drones. They all work!


I feel like dating has gotten too complicated these days. It used to be a person asked you out you have a good time than go out again. You give a person a gift person should say thank you and be appreciative. It’s just basic manners if you ask me. Things have gotten where people read too much into everything. You either like me or you don’t and vice versa.

Pretty H
Pretty H

Great article with lots of truth. There are people who are naturally generous and always thinking of how to surprise or make their partner smile. Unfortunately, there are those who are mean and are not into ‘gifting’. However I agree that if there is really no indication of commitment from someone or they wouldn’t really do anything for you is that you use the money for the gift to buy something nice for yourself. ‘Gifting’ takes planning and it means that someone is really thinking about you to go to lengths such as doing research online in terms of the… Read more »


Haha actually my boyfriend tell me outright not to buy him any gifts! He finds it stressful when he received gifts especially things which is deem useless to him. If I really want to gift him, food is the way to go! XD

Loving Mother
Loving Mother

i want to thank him for bringing my husband back, if you have any relationship problem, you can report it to him reach him on this email…robinson.buckler@ yahoo. com,,,, ??


As a Man I find this quite insulting. First of all, in most cases it’s the Man who’s providing for his Family, I don’t care how proud your Father, Brother, Husband, or Boyfriend is, just know behind closed doors we all ask joke with one another about how “cool” it would be for us to be spoiled for once. We typically don’t get gifts, we buy the gifts or finance a great deal of it, so if you want to WOW and surprise a Man, get him something cool that he would like and would actually use, something centered around… Read more »

Reply to  Kalisto3010

Thank you for this. I do enjoy spoiling my man and sometimes worry it is over the top. I don’t spend a lot of money usually but I do other spoil things and have spent money before. I don’t think my expensive gifts were ever well received with my ex, tools, BBQ, high end weed eaters- he became like what she is saying- wanted me to do the taking care of

Reply to  Kalisto3010

If you are buying a gift for someone then you should already understand them well enough to know how they would receive it. Don’t change yourself for anyone! Buy the gift that speaks to you. He’ll see the gift, he’ll think of you, and he’ll likely understand immediately what brought you to buy him that gift.

Just don’t expect anything in return. Buying someone a gift will not make them fall in love with you. Though it is a nice gesture.


I’m sorry but the only “rules” I agree with here are 3 and 4. You’re stereotyping men as one of two categories, crazy macho manly man and weak submissive nobody. If what you give your man defines whether or not he is attracted to you, don’t worry about rules. Weed him out. You shouldn’t go by general rules, you should go by feelings and the dynamic of the relationship. If a guy flips out and walks away because you spent a little extra or because you got him something in the first place because he can’t handle that you can… Read more »


Yesss loved this article(especially number 1 hahaha). Just recently there was a birthday party I went to for the guy I like. I was thinking forever of what to buy him then finally decided on a ukulele because I know he’s been wanting one for a long time and would definitely use it all the time. Unfortunately, I ordered it online and it wouldn’t come in in time. So I bought him something smaller that he had mentioned he needed a little while ago so he’d have something to open at the party. He opened my gift and it seems… Read more »


In the past I tried offering beautiful shirts, or warm sweaters to my boyfriends. Turns out that some of them loved them – I know now that I was rather in a mothering relationship with them – and my current partner, barely ever wore the shirts, because he values them so much that he is afraid to damage them and so he never wears them. That caused me a bit of frustration and so now, I have decided to only offer one type of gift: good food! Food is also the best gift anyone can ever give me. It makes… Read more »

Karan Singh

Great blog! All the tips you have shared here are really useful, I like that you shared about the essential tips that we need to keep on in mind while giving a gift to our loved ones. I like this blog, Thanks a lot for sharing!


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refer to the book “THE RULES

Lexi DeMarco
Lexi DeMarco

okay so my boyfriend and i have the same birthday. i love that we have the same birthday but im kind of worried. like what if i end up spending more than him, would he be upset? but also the reverse way what if he ends up spending more than me? i mean i know its not all about the money that you spend its more about the thought of the gift, but im not very sure where to go about this.


This article is Quite misogynistic, suggesting that men are all equal to each other and all require the same amount monetary affection as each other, and that women need to give it to them. On a second note, The whole basis of this site directly suggested in the name which is a universal statement that is ahistorical and highly problematic.

Matthew Dethlefson
Matthew Dethlefson
Reply to  Tracy

This isn’t misogynistic at all. This is a female author helping women find the right gift for men. Saying men are all equal doesn’t make her misogynistic. Do you know what that word means? Look it up. Your entire comment was unintelligent and simply rude. Why do you have to say something negative about someone giving advise?


okay. first of all I think I have a crush on my senior which is my colleague. He always been a very help to me at work since I’m taking over his position. Every time I have problems with my work he will be there as my MAGIC solution. Now his birthday coming on 2nd February. I really want to give him a tie as a gift because I saw him wear brown color tie and I said to him that I like it on him and few days after, he came to work and tell me that he lost… Read more »


ahhhh thank god i came across this article before making the purchase. Late xmas present to my fiance. He is into material things and fond of money so i felt so pressured to spend on him since he spent almost $200 on a bracelet, and mpre on a purse, earrings n slippers . But ive decided im just going to buy him a cell phone case, and make him a yummy soup as well as a massage with a blowjob happy ending 🙂

Amber Pape
Amber Pape

Hi, I need your advice… My partner and I have been together for nearly 2 years, with marriage in sight. He always goes out of the way to buy me masses of presents (things I need and things I don’t need). I am travelling to be with him therefore I don’t have much money but with christmas coming I honestly feel bad if I don’t get him something (I always buy practical/beautiful presents). He has everything expensive and everything designer. I know he needs a new wallet but the only one he would want is Louis Vuitton but I don’t… Read more »

Garba Anastacia
Garba Anastacia

Hey, I just met this guy at my intern program… we both seem to be thinking in the same direction but his birthday is coming up next week and in all honesty I feel like getting a cake delivered to him. I usually get cakes for people I care about. Should I ?

Cameron Spink
Cameron Spink

I have a fiance his female friend went abroad an left ger car in his drive. She brought back x2 bottles alcohol pack of cigs an armarni code for him. Am pissed off because my male friend thats bi-sexual bought me some cheap silver earings for my ‘birthday’ an my fiance played hell with me. Am i in the wrong for thinking wild things that shes bought him all that an gone out of her way to buy him sentimental gifts?

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