Should I buy him a gift?
What do guys think when a girl gives them a gift?
These are great questions, and the simple answer is this:
What men think when you give them a gift depends on the stage and type of relationship you have. So if you give a guy a gift, make sure it’s appropriate for the stage of the relationship.
(Otherwise you risk looking low value, or like you’re jumping the gun).
If you’re like me, you love giving gifts. It’s just a nice feeling – especially when you like and respect that person.
Hey, sometimes buying gifts for someone else feels 100 times better than it does buying something for yourself.
It’s nice to put a smile on someone else’s face, isn’t it?
But in all honesty, when it comes to men that you are romantically interested in; be careful.
You may think buying and giving gifts is nothing big, but, it does matter; especially when you are only dating and not sure if he is committed to you.
(Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?)
The way you go about buying and giving gifts matters, and more importantly, what you give and how you give the gift sets up the right dynamic between you and a man, or it doesn’t.
What you give and how you give it can make you seem low value or high value in a man’s mind.
That doesn’t make you any less worthy but it does shape the existing connection you have with this man.
You see, what you give and how you give it can also cause disconnects in the relationship.
Some gifts are simply bad, even though the intent was pure.
The reason is simple. Men in their masculine element see value in completely different things to us women.
In this article we will go though:
- What masculine men see value in
- Why your feminine presence is the most valuable gift you can give
- The 6 rules of buying a man a gift (all with the purpose of answering the question: should I buy him a gift?”)
- Finally, we will answer all the frequently asked questions on buying a man a gift
Table of Contents
Gifts that offer value to masculine souls
In order to offer the best value when you give a gift to a masculine soul, it’s important that you feel and know what value is to him.
Remind me not to tell you the story of when I bought my husband (he was my boyfriend at the time) a ring with pretty little diamonds on it.
(It’s so embarrassing, I probably shouldn’t share it publicly.)
He wore it once and has never worn it again.
Remember, there are some gifts that men intuitively appreciate, and there are gifts that they don’t intuitively appreciate.
If you are buying for a male friend, you can “theoretically” go all out, because you’re not romantically interested in him.
But only go all out out if you’re sure you’re not giving a lot of gifts to make up for an internal feeling of unworthiness – or the desire to seek approval.
What Do Guys Want From A Girl Gift-Wise?
In terms of gifts, your feminine presence and connection to him is the bigger gift.
Other than that, guys want:
- Your acceptance
- Your loyalty
- Your trust; and
- Your smile.
I know my true gift is in being there and forming an emotional connection and emotional attraction with a man. That’s the real value that is hard for men to find, these days (even inside of a marriage!)
Sure, being given expensive gifts might be nice for men, but the real value isn’t in that compared to these two things (emotional connection and emotional attraction).
Because lavishing a man with gifts in the early dating stages implies that you want to court and cherish him – and while that’s kind of nice, it doesn’t play to his masculine soul.
(Don’t get me wrong, I did do this every now and then in the early dating stage with my husband. But I just don’t think it’s necessary.)
Plus, offering the gift of your feminine energy and being happy, open and radiant is a super wonderful gift to begin with.
But if you want to buy something, follow rule 3 in this article (below). Buy him something useful or sentimental.
Should I Get Him A Gift?
So am I saying you shouldn’t buy a gift?
No. It’s not wrong to buy him a gift.
I’m just saying that you need to think before you do it, as you don’t want to try too hard through a gift.
Trying too hard leads to low value vibes. Which is also a normal, innocent mistake that women make, but you want to try to be more aware of the potential mistakes you’re making.
On that note: There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?
CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
These days, so many of us already have everything we need, and it’s easy to buy something you *think* would be valuable, but a man doesn’t find to be a good gift.
…And if you read through these 6 rules and realise you’ve made these mistakes, it is OK!
You, me and every other female on the planet has made them too.
Mistakes are a gift. Without mistakes, you can’t fully feel the satisfaction from getting things right.
So here are your 6 rules to follow before you buy a man a gift:
Rule No.1 – Spending more doesn’t make you more valuable as a woman.
So…why choose the more expensive option?
Why spend a tonne on a man when you’re just dating, even if you have as much money as Paris Hilton?
Is there even a good reason?
See, if you subconsciously want to flaunt your ability to spend a lot, then it’s more about you.
It’s about you giving that feeling of importance to yourself. You’re not really in your feminine energy either. Instead, you’re probably just trying hard to prove that you’re “worthy”.
Flaunting your ability to spend a lot doesn’t touch a masculine man. It will touch a more submissive man, or a man who is LOOKING out for a rich woman.
But if you want the man you’re romantically interested in to really like you, just don’t spend more for the sake of looking good.
In fact, where you can, spend less money, and create more meaning.
QUIZ TIME: Anxious, avoidant or secure attachment patterns? Which one do I have? CLICK HERE to find out with our specially crafted women-specific 10 Question Quiz! (Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
Rule No.2 – Buying more items reduces the value of each gift you give.
The idea is simple. Us humans generally like to acquire, to own more, to feel the satisfaction of ‘owning’ material goods in our life.
So this rule is VERY counter-intuitive in practice. But…think about it: if you have 50 items of jewelry, does it make every piece more special?
Or do you still keep one or two favourite pieces that you wear over and over again?
You grow attached to a few of the jewellery items; that’s generally what happens.
A man (and anyone, really) will remember the gifts you give that mean something to THEM.
They won’t keep in their memory many years down the track ‘oh that person used to fill up my Christmas stocking with 100 items that are useless and meaningless to me!’
The more of something we get, the less valuable it becomes. And this happens subconsciously.
When giving gifts, it’s more important to make an emotional impact on someone than to get a reaction of ‘woah!’ from them in reaction to the sheer volume of gifts you’ve given them.
Remember that saying: “less is more”?
Hard to remember this in a context where you’re buying gifts for someone, but it’s important.
When it comes to gift giving when you’re only dating a man, there’s something important for you to know.
If you are going for the whole feeling that ‘yes!’ I am awesome and I have the money to buy a man TONNES of gifts!
Then the message you are really sending is: “I get my feeling of self-worth by PROVIDING for you.”
Have a think about the cost of sending that message, as a woman…
There’s nothing wrong with providing for a man, if that’s what is called for in a relationship.
But if you’re the one doing the providing, then you won’t be able to feel as feminine and as cherished as you would like.
When you’re in an established exclusive relationship, there’s nothing really wrong with buying more gifts.
Nonetheless, in the dating stages, you want to avoid coming across as the kind of woman who just wants to prove her worth by buying more.
We don’t want to prove our worth through advertising our desire to “provide” for a man or through flaunting your riches.
It’s much better to prove your worth through actually being a woman of value to men!
(Because remember, even if you’re trying to be “nice”, if a man hasn’t yet earned your lavish gifts, then it will always feel kind of ‘off’).
Not to mention, in the dating stages, if people shower someone else with gifts before the time is right, it’s always a red flag. Women actually call this act love bombing (and it’s the one dating red flag that women routinely fall for!)
Your value isn’t In what you can provide
I am of the belief that when it comes to the dating stages, our value comes from the more intangible things.
The masculine men in the world around you will find you more endearing and want to take more care of you if you make a simple purchase that is meaningful and leave it at that.
It could be a mug, or you could make a lamb roast (yum, lamb!)
But don’t flaunt riches. Don’t flaunt ‘provider’ abilities, because you don’t need to.
You are far more valuable than that.
Plus, think about it:
Are you truly attracted to a man whom you need to buy things for and take care of?
Answer honestly for yourself.
Should I Get Him A Gift?
Sure, you can still get him a gift. Men still love to receive from a woman.
But here’s the important rule on giving gifts to men:
Rule No.3 – make your gift either useful or sentimental.
When it comes to gift giving….it’s tempting to buy a man several items of clothing…or a cologne or another wallet…because these are the easiest options.
It’s also what every other girlfriend is giving her boyfriend, and it saves time and thought on your part.
If you want to get him any of these things, make sure that it has a context and that it’s not just an ‘extra’ on top of all the other clothes or wallets he has just for the sake of ‘acquiring’ things.
For example: if you have been dating a while and you know he’s going hiking in January and has no hiking gear, then a pair of hiking pants is a nice gift.
This is because they serve a particular purpose for him in January, and it shows you understand him.
Masculine gifts for masculine souls
Most men like things with a purpose (tools, etc), or things that are sentimental.
Unless a man is very feminine, he doesn’t give a damn about buying more and more clothes and gathering more and more things unless those things serve a clear-purpose in his mind.
Most men are also not interested in pointless, fluffy, jingly things.
For example: You might appreciate cupcakes. But men aren’t always deeply moved by that.
It just doesn’t ‘touch’ them if you give him cupcakes as a gift. It’s nice, don’t get me wrong.
It’s just not a gift that would light up his soul (unlike the gift of a BJ if you’re in a relationship!).
He might enjoy eating cupcakes, but it won’t really touch him deeply and it won’t serve a purpose for him other than filling up his tummy with sugar.
Here’s another example:
You might like cute lunch bags, but buying him a plastic zip-up lunch bag with a cute little soccer ball printed on it that a 10-year-old boy could enjoy using, may not be that valuable.
He won’t appreciate it (yes, that gift is actually also a real story.) And the woman’s husband responded to the gift by saying:
“Well, that’s not very manly!”
He’s stating the obvious.
As I said before…it’s ok to make mistakes. We gotta have a laugh about them sometimes!
Now, I thought twice about putting in the word ‘sentimental’ here, because a lot of women will take that and RUN with it.
‘Yay! I can get him a nice photo with ‘I love you so much’ printed on it!!’
Well…if you guys already have established a deep connection, you are married, have been together a long time, and you’re sure he also loves you, this gift may be OK.
But not when you have NO idea where your relationship with this man is going! You have to wait to give such sentimental gifts. (read my article on How to Get Him to Propose)
Stay attuned to the stage of the relationship
Should you give him a sentimental gift?
Now, regarding what a sentimental gift means…it depends on your relationship situation.
If you are in a long-term relationship or marriage and you have already way past the stage of proving your value to each other then give your man what you want!
Just be mindful and conscious all the way. Be conscious of why you’re choosing to buy a gift.
Do you really need to get something “extra”?
If so, why are you getting it?
Are you getting it because you feel you must, otherwise he will think you don’t love him? If so, it’s the wrong reason to get the gift!
Are you getting him the gift because you think you “should”?
Are you giving gifts to over-state your love and interest?
(All the while, you don’t actually like or enjoy doing that?)
If the man you’re with is NOT committed to you yet, that’s when you need to be extra mindful of what you’re giving.
Eg: you don’t want to start a relationship based on you trying hard to prove your worth.
So, keep sentimental gifts to something small like a key-ring with a personal joke or personal photo attached. Or a mug with a special quote or photo on it.
Do enough to show you care, but don’t try to prove yourself through gift giving. A lot of women do this and it’s a waste of time and energy.
(You may also regret it).
Rule No.4 – The less time spent dating, the Less You Should buy
You have to be attuned the stage of the relationship you’re in in order to gift a man something that is appropriate.
This is because when you stay attuned to the stage of the relationship, you can give gifts that are aimed at creating deeper connection rather than creating disconnects.
If you’re not attuned, it is sometimes easy to offer a gift that expresses far too much interest than the actual stage of relationship you’re in.
In other words, you give something completely inappropriate.
Imagine if a man gifted you with a diamond engagement ring after texting you for 2 days.
No matter how much you want to get married, that is still inappropriate because it isn’t calibrated to the stage of the relationship.
Plus, you’re not here to provide for the man. So you don’t need to take that role.
Doing things this way also helps to set up the dynamic that he is the man in the relationship, and not you.
CLICK HERE to discover the ONE PHRASE you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! (Works like magic in a high vale non-needy way!)
Rule No.5 – When in doubt about buying any Gift at all, buy nothing.
And instead just make a nice card to wish him happy birthday or happy Christmas.
There’s no need to buy something just because you think you should.
Sometimes it is much better to give a simple gesture (like a nice card) or treating him to coffee than to try too hard getting something that may not be calibrated to the stage of that relationship.
At the end of the day, the potential value in any gift is far beyond the price tag associated with it.
As trite as it may be, it’s really the thought that counts most. Everything else is essentially a ubiquitous commodity.
(…And if he doesn’t appreciate the thought, take that as a red flag moving forward! CLICK here for my article on the 6 behaviours you should never tolerate in a man.)
Rule No.6 – if he buys you something, make your reaction to the gift honest.
But do not criticize him (that’s not honest).
It doesn’t matter if a man gives you something and it makes you want to burst out crying (I’ve done this before. Weird I know, but interestingly, it only brought my husband and I closer…)
Don’t criticize him. Instead, give an honest reaction to the gift. Don’t hold it all in.
Of course, whatever he gives you, it’s important to remember that he tried.
Thank him, always thank him for giving you anything, but don’t pretend it’s orgasmic if it makes you want to cry.
If it makes you over the moon, BE over the moon, if it upsets you, let it upset you! If it surprises you, let it surprise you!
You’re a woman, it’s OK to be real and to feel with a man.
That is what I believe, and I’ve done things this way for many years, and it’s never backfired on me.
You don’t want to do this with your children, with friends or others, but with a man, it’s OK.
Men are funny creatures, you’ll be surprised how much the best men out there don’t mind you being authentic.
It helps them adjust and it makes them think. They really won’t mind you making them work out why on earth you didn’t like their gift.
They’re stronger than you think, and remember, they’re men. So one of their greatest joys is working out how to make you happy.
The last thing they want is a fake woman, as it leads them in the wrong direction.
Women feel and men find greater direction through that feeling.
You can learn more about men think with my 5 Insights On Men To Ease Your Worries.
Now I am handing it to you. Share your thoughts about buying men gifts. Do you have any personal rules that you follow?
Ie: you always spend less than a man, or you never buy a man gifts?
Share your thoughts so other women can learn from you!
Frequently Asked Questions
Should I buy my boyfriend an expensive gift?
Expensive should never be the focus when you’re buying or giving a gift.
Unless you have something to prove: ie: that you gain your feeling of worthiness through flaunting your wealth.
Remember, the point of gift giving is to add value to him.
So if you’re focused on “expensive”, you’re not truly adding value, unless he’s specifically asked you to buy him something that costs a lot of money.
Should I buy him a birthday gift?
The act of giving a gift should always be appropriate to the stage of the relationship.
So if you secretly have a crush on a guy and you want to ‘show’ that you’re crushing on him through buying him a gift, I recommend that you don’t.
Because it’s very risky.
Firstly, it’s risky because it’s much smarter to show your feelings through playfulness. That would be a much more appropriate step to take than it would be to get him a gift.
For example of playful ways to escalate a relationship with a guy, Here are 3 Low Risk & High Value Ways to Tell Him You Like Him.
You also don’t want to risk looking low value by giving a gift before you’re not even sure that he feels the same about you.
If you’re sure he feels the same about you and is crushing on you too, then sure, get him a thoughtful birthday gift.
Just don’t go overboard and get some lavish gift, that’s called chasing. Or proving your worth through flaunting your wealth, and that hardly ever pays off in dating.
Now: if you’re in an existing relationship or marriage and you’re wondering “should I buy him a birthday gift?”
The answer is of course. Find out what he needs or would find useful. Men love gifts that serve a purpose – gifts that help them solve a problem or achieve an end.
You can also get something sentimental, like a mug with a photo of his kids (or both of you) printed on it.
There are 7 common signs a woman is perceived as low value to all men, because men simply perceive value differently to women. Do you know what these signs are and how to avoid them like the plague? CLICK HERE to download this special report.
What do guys think when a girl gives them a gift?
It depends on two things:
- What the gift is; and
- Whether he “likes” you or you like him
Regarding number 1; if you get a sentimental gift for a guy friend, there’s a small chance he might assume that you are romantically interested in him.
So just make sure the gift doesn’t give off the impression that you’re pining for his love and attention.
Regarding number 2, if there are romantic feelings on either side (ie: if he likes you or you like him), then there’s a chance he may have sensed those feelings, and will assume you like him if you give him a gift.
Otherwise, if a guy is just a friend, there’s no problem with getting him a gift.
He will most likely appreciate your friendship, and think that you’re thoughtful and kind.
I gave him a gift and he didn’t say anything?
There are five distinct possibilities when you give him a gift and he doesn’t say anything:
- Some people were never taught good manners growing up, so they don’t think to say thank you.
- He doesn’t like you.
- It’s also possible that he doesn’t appreciate the gift (and nor did he want it), so he’s not saying anything to try to encourage you to never give him a gift again.
- If he suspects that you might have romantic interest in him but he doesn’t return those feelings, he might say nothing in order to not lead you on.
- He doesn’t have much money and doesn’t want to feel the obligation to spend the money to return your gift, so he stays quiet to take attention away from it.
Do men like gifts?
Of course they do.
But there’s one caveat: they like the gifts the see value in.
They don’t like the gifts that you give when you’re giving them what YOU see value in.
What not to get your boyfriend?
If you’re wondering what gifts should not be given to boyfriend, quite simply, the answer is: don’t get him gift that you want to give.
Give him the gifts that he wants to receive.
Typically, for masculine men, they want to receive gifts that:
- Are useful
- Help them achieve a certain aim
- Represent your thoughtfulness
- Symbolize the emotional connection you have to together
They do not like gifts that increase their radiance. Generally speaking, they like gifts that add to their masculinity and their purpose in life, not gifts that make them feel cherished.
My boyfriend gets mad when I buy him things…why?
If your boyfriend gets mad when you buy him gifts, it’s because of one or more of the following reasons:
- He specifically asked you not to buy him gifts, but you don’t listen
- He would prefer you saved money for your future together
- You buy him things he doesn’t need (or that waste money)
- He doesn’t like receiving gifts. Instead he prefers he gave them to you
- He doesn’t like feeling obliged to reciprocate, and if you don’t give him a gift, then he doesn’t have to feel that pressure to give you one back
Is it true that if you are not interested romantically in a man, you must not accept gifts from him?
If he’s a good friend, it may be rude not to accept his gift, so you can accept it if you’ve got a longstanding friendship.
If however, he’s clearly chasing your affection, then don’t accept the gift. Because it will give him fuel to keep chasing you and forcing himself upon you.
Whatever you choose to do, stay consistent, because if you accept gifts sometimes and not others, it may increase his persistence or addiction to trying to win you over romantically.
If a guy gives you a gift, does he like you?
Not necessarily. He could be giving you a gift to get something for himself, like your attention.
He could also be giving you a gift to prove himself and to paint a certain image for himself.
If his gift is accompanied with all these 6 signs that a guy likes you, then yes, it means he likes you for sure!
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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