If you’re like me, you love giving gifts. It’s just a nice feeling – especially when you like and respect that person.
Hey, sometimes buying gifts for someone else feels 100 times better than it does buying something for yourself.
It’s nice to put a smile on someone else’s face, isn’t it?
But in all honesty, when it comes to men that you are romantically interested in; be careful.
You may think buying and giving gifts nothing big, but, it does matter; especially when you are only dating and not sure if he is committed to you.
(Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?)
The way you go about buying and giving gifts matters, and more importantly, what you give and HOW you give the gift sets up the right dynamic between you and a man, or it doesn’t.
What you give and how you give it can make you seem low value or high value in a man’s mind.
That doesn’t make you any less worthy but it does shape the existing connection you have with this man.
You see, what you give and how you give it can also cause disconnects in the relationship.
Some gifts are simply bad, even though the intent was pure.
The reason is simple. Men in their masculine element see value in completely different things to us women.
Gifts that offer value to masculine souls
In order to offer the best value when you give a gift to a masculine soul, it’s important that you feel and know what value is to him.
Remind me not to tell you the story of when I bought my husband (he was my boyfriend at the time) a ring with pretty little diamonds on it.
(It’s so embarrassing, I probably shouldn’t share it publicly.)
He wore it once and has never worn it again.
Remember, there are some gifts men intuitively appreciate, and there are gifts that they don’t intuitively appreciate.
If you are buying for a male friend, you can “theoretically” go all out, because you’re not romantically interested in him.
But personally, I don’t even do that with my male friends that I consider to be like a brother.
There’s a reason: it’s because in my body it doesn’t feel authentic to do this; it just doesn’t feel like I’m being the real ME.
Your feminine presence And Connection is the bigger gift
I know my true gift is in being there and forming an emotional connection and emotional attraction with a man. That’s the real value that is hard for men to find, these days (even inside of a marriage!)
Sure, being given expensive gifts might be nice for men, but the real value isn’t in that compared to these two things (emotional connection and emotional attraction).
Because lavishing a man with gifts in the early dating stages implies that you want to cherish him – and while that’s kind of nice, it doesn’t play to his masculine soul.
(Don’t get me wrong, I did this in the early dating stage with my husband. But I just don’t think it’s necessary.)
Plus, offering the gift of your feminine energy and being happy, open and radiant is a super wonderful gift to begin with.
When it comes to buying men gifts, in the past I’ve made so many stupid and embarrassing mistakes that are pretty much too embarrassing to talk about.
It can be difficult knowing what gift to buy a man on any occasion.
These days, so many of us already have everything we need, and it’s easy to buy something you *think* would be valuable, but a man doesn’t find to be a good gift.
…And if you read through these 6 rules and realise you’ve made these mistakes, it is OK!
You, me and every other female on the planet has made them too.
Mistakes are a gift. Without mistakes, you can’t fully feel the satisfaction from getting things right.
So here are your 6 rules to follow before you buy a man a gift:
Rule No.1 – Spending more doesn’t make you more valuable as a woman.
So…why choose the more expensive option?
Why spend a tonne on a man when you’re just dating, even if you have as much money as Paris Hilton?
Is there even a good reason?
See, if you subconsciously want to flaunt your ability to spend a lot, then it’s more about you.
It’s about you giving that feeling of importance to yourself. You’re not really in your feminine energy either. Instead, you’re probably just trying hard to prove that you’re “worthy”.
Flaunting your ability to spend a lot doesn’t touch a masculine man. It will touch a more submissive man, or a man who is LOOKING out for a rich woman.
But if you want the man you’re romantically interested in to really like you, just don’t spend more for the sake of looking good.
In fact, where you can, spend less money, and create more meaning.
Rule No.2 – Buying more items reduces the value of each gift you give.
The idea is simple. Us humans generally like to acquire, to own more, to feel the satisfaction of ‘owning’ material goods in our life.
So this rule is VERY counter-intuitive in practice. But…think about it: if you have 50 items of jewelry, does it make every piece more special?
Or do you still keep one or two favourite pieces that you wear over and over again?
You grow attached to a few of the jewellery items; that’s generally what happens.
A man (and anyone, really) will remember the gifts you give that mean something to THEM.
They won’t keep in their memory many years down the track ‘oh that person used to fill up my Christmas stocking with 100 items that are useless and meaningless to me!’
The more of something we get, the less valuable it becomes. And this happens subconsciously.
When giving gifts, it’s more important to make an emotional impact on someone than to get a reaction of ‘woah!’ from them in reaction to the sheer volume of gifts you’ve given them.
Remember that saying: “less is more”?
Hard to remember this in a context where you’re buying gifts for someone, but it’s important.
When it comes to gift giving when you’re only dating a man, there’s something important for you to know.
If you are going for the whole feeling that ‘yes!’ I am awesome and I have the money to buy a man TONNES of gifts!
Then the message you are really sending is: “I get my feeling of self-worth by PROVIDING for you.”
Have a think about the cost of sending that message, as a woman…
There’s nothing wrong with providing for a man, if that’s what is called for in a relationship.
But if you’re the one doing the providing, then you won’t be able to feel as feminine and as cherished as you would like.
When you’re in an established exclusive relationship, there’s nothing really wrong with buying more gifts.
Nonetheless, in the dating stages, you want to avoid coming across as the kind of woman who just wants to prove her worth by buying more.
We don’t want to prove our worth through advertising our desire to “provide” for a man or through flaunting your riches.
It’s much better to prove your worth through actually being a woman of value to men!
(Because remember, even if you’re trying to be “nice”, if a man hasn’t yet earned your lavish gifts, then it will always feel kind of ‘off’).
Not to mention, in the dating stages, if people shower someone else with gifts before the time is right, it’s always a red flag. Women actually call this act love bombing (and it’s the one dating red flag that women routinely fall for!)
Your value isn’t what you can provide
I am of the belief that when it comes to the dating stages, our value comes from the more intangible things.
The masculine men in the world around you will find you more endearing and want to take more care of you if you make a simple purchase that is meaningful and leave it at that.
It could be a mug, or you could make a lamb roast (yum, lamb!) Don’t flaunt riches. Don’t flaunt ‘provider’ abilities. You don’t need to.
You are far more valuable than that.
Really, are you truly attracted to a man whom you need to buy things for and take care of?
Answer honestly for yourself.
Your ability to give your presence, and enjoy anything that a man gives you is far more interesting than your ability to give expensive gifts.
Rule No.3 – If you give a gift, make your gift either useful or sentimental.
When it comes to gift giving….it’s tempting to buy a man several items of clothing…or a cologne or another wallet…because these are the easiest options.
It’s also what every other girlfriend is giving her boyfriend, and it saves time and thought on your part.
If you want to get him ANY of these things, make sure that it has a context and that it’s not just an ‘extra’ on top of all the other clothes or wallets he has just for the sake of ‘acquiring’ things.
For example: if you have been dating a while and you know he’s going hiking in January and has no hiking gear, then a pair of hiking pants is a nice gift.
This is because they serve a particular purpose for him in January, and it shows you understand him.
Masculine gifts for masculine souls
Most men like things with a purpose (tools, etc), or things that are sentimental.
Unless a man is very feminine, he doesn’t give a damn about buying more and more clothes and gathering more and more things unless those things serve a clear-cut purpose in his mind.
Most men are also not interested in pointless, fluffy, jingly things.
For example: You might appreciate cupcakes. But men aren’t always deeply moved by that.
It just doesn’t ‘touch’ them if you give him cupcakes as a gift. It’s nice, don’t get me wrong. It’s just not a gift that would light up his soul (unlike the gift of a BJ if you’re in a relationship!).
He might enjoy eating cupcakes, but it won’t really touch him deeply and it won’t serve a purpose for him other than filling up his tummy with sugar.
Here’s another example:
You might like cute lunch bags, but buying him a plastic zip-up lunch bag with a cute little soccer ball printed on it that a 10-year-old boy could also use, may not be that valuable.
He won’t appreciate it (yes, that’s actually also a real story.) And the woman’s husband responded to the gift by saying:
“Well, that’s not very manly!”
He’s stating the obvious.
As I said before…it’s ok to make mistakes. We gotta have a laugh about them sometimes!
Now, I thought twice about putting in the word ‘sentimental’ here, because a lot of women will take that and RUN with it.
‘Yay! I can get him a nice photo with ‘I love you so much’ printed on it!!’
Well…if you guys already have established a deep connection, you are married, have been together a long time, and you’re sure he also loves you, this gift may be OK.
But not when you have NO idea where your relationship with this man is going! You have to wait to give such sentimental gifts. (read my article on How to Get Him to Propose)
Stay attuned to the stage of the relationship
If you have been together less than 6 months, stay away from sentimental gifts.
Stay away from them unless it’s the first time you are doing something like that and you are sure that HE has already done something like that for you already.
Now, regarding what a sentimental gift means…it depends on your relationship situation.
If you are in a long-term relationship or marriage and you really ALREADY feel like the woman in the relationship, and you feel adored – then do what you want!
Just be mindful and conscious all the way. Be conscious of WHY you’re choosing to buy a gift.
Do you really need to get something “extra”?
If so, why are you getting it?
Are you getting it because you feel you must, otherwise he will think you don’t love him? If so, it’s the wrong reason to get the gift!
Are you getting him the gift because you think you “should”?
Do you think you should, in order to show him that you are interested in him, although, inside you’re aching for him to do for you?
Are you giving gifts to over-state your love and interest?
All the while, you don’t actually LIKE being the one giving gifts just to show your interest?
If you don’t feel adored yet, and he is NOT committed yet – then, whether you are dating or having something long term, your focus still needs to be on establishing the dynamic that you want with a man.
Eg: you don’t want to start a relationship based on you trying hard to prove your worth.
So, keep sentimental gifts to something small like a key-ring with a personal joke or personal photo attached. Or a mug with a special quote or photo on it.
Rule No.4 – The less time spent dating, the better it is to buy less & spend less.
You have to be attuned the stage of the relationship you’re in in order to gift a man something that is appropriate.
This is because when you stay attuned to the stage of the relationship, you can give gifts that are aimed at creating deeper connection rather than creating disconnects.
If you’re not attuned, it is sometimes easy to offer a gift that expresses far too much interest than the actual stage of relationship you’re in.
In other words, you give something completely inappropriate.
Imagine if a man gifted you with a diamond engagement ring after texting you for 2 days.
No matter how much you want to get married, that is still inappropriate because it isn’t calibrated to the stage of the relationship.
Plus, you’re not here to provide for the man. So you don’t need to take that role. This also helps to set up the dynamic that he is the man in the relationship, and not you.
Rule No.5 – When in doubt about whether you should buy anything at all, buy nothing.
And instead just make a nice card to wish him happy birthday or happy Christmas.
There’s no need to buy something just because you think you should.
Sometimes it is much better to give a simple gesture (like a nice card) than to try too hard getting something that may not be calibrated to the stage of that relationship.
At the end of the day, the potential value in any gift is far beyond the price tag associated with it.
As trite as it may be, it’s really the thought that counts most. Everything else is essentially a ubiquitous commodity.
(…And if he doesn’t appreciate the thought, take that as a red flag moving forward! CLICK here for my article on the 6 behaviours you should never tolerate in a man.)
Rule No.6 – When & if he buys you something, make your reaction to the gift honest.
But do not criticize him (that’s not honest).
It doesn’t matter if a man gives you something and it makes you want to burst out crying (I’ve done this before. And it only brought my husband and I closer, and he felt far worse about it than I ever did!)
If a man wants to make you happy, you have a good man.
If instead he just calls you a bitch and never comes back because you cried over the present, well good! He wouldn’t have come back in the first place anyway!
It was either going to be this Christmas or some other random reason for him to take off.
Some men are just not compatible with you like that; and some of them…well, they have a weak masculine energy like that.
Click here for 5 Simple Signs He Is Not An Alpha Male.
Whatever he gives you, just know that it’s a start that he tried to give you anything at all.
Thank him, always thank him for giving you anything, but don’t pretend it’s orgasmic if it makes you want to cry.
If it makes you over the moon, BE over the moon, if it upsets you, let it upset you! If it surprises you, let it surprise you!
You’re a woman, it’s OK to be real and to feel with a man. That is what I believe, and I’ve done things this way for many years, and it’s never backfired on me.
You don’t want to do this with friends or others, but with a man, it’s OK.
Men are funny creatures, you’ll be surprised how much the best men out there don’t mind you making them think. They really won’t mind you making them work out why on earth you didn’t like their gift.
They’re stronger than you think, and remember, they’re men. So they’re not as sensitive as your mom or your girlfriends are.
You can learn more about men think with my 5 Insights On Men To Ease Your Worries.
Now I am handing it to you. Share your thoughts about buying men gifts. Do you have any personal rules that you follow?
IE: you always spend less than a man, or you never buy a man gifts?
Share your thoughts so other women can learn from you!
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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