A Letter to Men: How to Understand Women & Why Your Relationships Fail

How to Understand Women

We love men here. Our intent is not to put the blame on you, as you are not to blame. We want you to know that we respect the man you are today, and honor you for being a man. If you find feminine women hard to understand, know that it’s not hard at all. Here is your manual to ensure that your future relationships don’t fail:

1) We LOVE that you can solve our problems. Your solutions matter to us, and we know that you are a great problem solver. Yet, most of the time, when we are talking to you, you solving our problems feels terrible in our gut, because what we need is to get our emotions out and breathe a sigh of relief when you are strong enough to be present with the storm and let it go by.

ANY man can offer to solve our problems, and indeed, a lot of men do. But much fewer men can be present through our storms and feel in to our heart.

2) Women often communicate straight from an emotion. You communicate truth, but our Feminine truth is our emotions. So if we say; “Oh my GOD! It’s TERRIBLE! What happened tonight at the party was HUMILIATING!” – you responding by Telling us that “it is not humiliating” feels a LITTLE bit better to us than you walking off because you are too scared to be with us. (Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

However, what’s MUCH better is if you realise that you may know that the Truth may be that it wasn’t humiliating, however we didn’t mean exactly the words that we said. Our words come from a feeling, so we are sorry if we forget to say “I FEEL humiliated.” the truth is that we do feel humiliated even if it isn’t the truth and even you would rather we weren’t burdened by that feeling of humiliation.

3) ANY feeling we have will pass. We are sorry that it’s so scary when we are upset. Yet, it isn’t about you. It seems like it is; indeed, I know that it feels like it is about you. But no feeling we have is permanent. It passes. The more humour you find in our feelings and share that humour with us, the quicker they will pass, because we feel less of a need to hold on to bad feelings just to try to get your attention and presence.

4) I know your default thing to do as a man is to seek sex without strings attached. We know also, that plenty of women out there are willing to give you that unattached sex. But we would respect you more if you also admitted that unattached sex, when done several times with the same woman can hurt her deeply, as her hormones are different to your hormones, and she can get attached quite quickly, without any conscious intent of her own.

Yes, she ‘should’ know better and control her own actions, I agree. However, you’d be more of a man and more trustable if you took women’s feelings and inherent differences in to account when you go about your conquests.

5) A man who lives for himself only is a turn off to the best women. The pleaser women and the shallow women might like you. But a man is far sexier when he is able to and willing to take other people’s situation and feelings in to consideration and act accordingly.

6) Getting a woman to trust you can be hard on your part. I’m sorry that it is hard, but as hard as it is, in the end, if she trusts you, at least most of the time (because it can’t be all of the time and in every single moment), you will own her in a way no other man could.

7) We will often communicate our needs indirectly. You hate it, but you love it. You might stop having sex with us if we told you everything directly, straight out. The polarity would be gone, because we’d be in our masculine energy more.

I know you don’t want to have to ‘dissect’ every woman’s actual needs from her vague communications, but for the woman you love, you’d do anything, right?

8) We really don’t have any bad intent, however – It’s scary for when you need time to yourself. Because time to yourself could mean days, weeks, even months without close contact.

I know it seems needy. But the more a woman TRUSTS you, and the more a woman wants you, the harder it will be for her to NOT feel fear and pain whenever you are absent. If we are uptight and hurt when you return, we are very sorry, it’s just that the entire time you were gone, we felt like we were going to die. Literally.

9) We are sorry that we bring up the past a lot. We don’t do it to be mean, but we do, too. It’s just that….we remember details about things you’ve long forgotten, because we attach an emotion to certain memories and fat chance that we will forget it any day soon.

10) Many people will disagree with me on this. But over time, I feel I have learned that a woman’s faithfulness to you as a man is in direct proportion to your ability and willingness to show up as the Alpha Male.

The deeper and stronger your masculine energy (which takes practice to gain), the more faithful any woman will be to you. Including the hot ones. Including the beautiful ones.

11) When we say “leave me ALONE! I hate you!” and walk off, we don’t actually mean leave us alone.

Sometimes we mean leave us alone. But other times, our bodies are aching for that delicious feeling when you come walking after us anyway, saying: “come here! Don’t you walk away from me.” – and if you look very closely, sometimes, you might see a little smile sneaking its way on to our face when you DO follow us.

12) We know there are bigger, taller, stronger, richer men out there. But one big reason we even pick on those things (how rich, tall, handsome, confident a man is), is because we feel the man’s masculine energy isn’t strong. The weaker a man’s masculine energy, the more picky we get. And most of us do not know this consciously ourselves, so most women will just say: “he’s too short.” “he’s to blonde for me.”

13) The richer, better looking men might get a lot of sex with a lot of women (which is what you want), but it is the most masculine men who are more likely to get a woman’s true devotion; where her heart and body are yours for LIFE.

I know that the amount of sex with the highest number of women matters. But it really doesn’t in the end, does it? Quite possibly, the same old emptiness and boringness of life will follow you around until the day you have attracted a devoted woman in to your life.

14) It’s hot when we point out how great another man’s skills are at something and you puff your chest out and look deeply in to our eyes with a look that says: “think he can do good? I can do better.”

Weaker men get upset and walk off when we do that. And that scares us very much. Not to mention it might be a turn off.

15) Women will screw around with you, muck up your ‘well thought out plans’ and accidentally disrespect your timetable. Expect it. You can’t control everything.

16) We have two X chromosomes.

Remember that the next time you think we lack integrity. Remember that the next time you think we are lying just to f*** with you.

We are not lying. We are being very truthful – to our emotions, that is. You are free to date another man, remember that!

17) Whenever you find yourself in a conversation with your woman thinking “YES! This conversation is going somewhere for ONCE!” – it probably isn’t.

We talk to you just for the enjoyment of connecting, sharing and talking; because it’s energy. That’s what women do – we share energy and we talk. Connection through talking makes our body feel alive and like butterflies are flying in our tummies.

Our conversations rarely have a point or purpose from a male perspective. We LIKE it that way. It makes us happy and it makes us giggle. You like us happy, don’t you?

18) Everything women want requires a lot of your energy. But everything men want requires a lot of energy, too. Your struggles and pain with women are not worse than our struggles and pain with men. They are just different.

19) Here’s a possible test to see whether you’ve got yourself a good, High Value woman. Use it a few times though before you decide she isn’t relationship-worthy, because it will take her time to trust you enough to respond lovingly. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

When you find a moment where you don’t know what you’re doing with your life,  or you are uncertain of something, instead of pretending that you know what you’re doing (we always pick up on it if you don’t), say to her with total certainty and direction in your body: “I don’t know where I am going at this moment.”

If she freaks out or criticizes you or closes down, try again, a few times. Give it several months, maybe a year. Maybe more. If she still responds badly, maybe she is better off being some other guy’s girlfriend.

20) Whenever you need to leave us or go do something important for an hour, a day, a week, or even months…it makes us feel so much safer and loyal to you if you come to us with total direction and say: “I’m going now to do some work. I will be back in such and such time. I may even love you still while I’m gone. (wink at her or kiss her).”

I know that it’s hard for you to learn to say that, as it’s not in your nature unless you’ve practised it many many times.

But how much does her loyalty and trust in you actually matter to You? Is it at least worth a little effort?

21) None of what I said above is true. There’s a practice run for dealing with the changeability and perceived lack of integrity of women in relationships. In reality, we are like the weather. You can’t ask us to rain. You can’t tell us not to storm. And you love it. Because the more predictable we are, the less desirable we are. And so be it. What you do with it is up to you.

Click here to join the Understanding Men program and gain better understanding of men.

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  • Jill

    Here is the funny part. I am the guy who managed to learn the emotional stability and wisdom described in this article. However, I became so stable that I now don’t risk my peace and harmony by dating a woman. I simply realised that relationships are over-rated and I am very happy on my own. I love women and my friendships with women are much better; but I don’t wish to date them or marry them.

  • John

    Why post it if none of it is true, a bit lost on that last point there. Seems like a lot of it is accurate but trying to understand #21… thanks!

  • Super Janice

    Thanks to point number 17 from Renee, I’m finally sure that I’m feminine in my core because I remember that I talked to my girlfriends about my favourite singers just for the sake of sharing my happiness when I was 12.

  • nadim khaled

    i dont know if you’re going to reply or not..
    But my girlfriend, the only thing i have, is mad at me, everytime she gets upset , i dont know what makes her sad..
    she once said to me that i don’t understand her and this makes her mad.
    I NEED HELP !!

    • Super Janice

      She is naturally emotional.

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  • disqus_SqygrUquw9

    Feminine woman will never rest in peace

  • Mikey

    I’m just a normal guy, who always ends up in fucked up situations..

  • Awesome article; really inspiring. It reads like The Way of the Superior Man, but with a woman’s wit. I love being challenged by women to stay present through the storms, to stay in touch with my masculine core and keep my heart open. It’s the best edge to live on, and the rewards are great. Thanks!