The 6 Rules You Must know BEFORE buying a Man any Gift

the best gift to give a man

If you’re like me, you love giving gifts. It’s just a nice feeling – ESPECIALLY when you like and respect that person. Hey, sometimes buying gifts for someone else feels 100 times better than it does buying something for yourself.

It’s nice to put a smile on someone else’s face, isn’t it? But in all honesty, when it comes to men that you are romantically interested in; be careful. You may think buying and giving gifts nothing big, but, it does matter; especially when you are only dating and not sure if he is committed to you.

The way you go about buying and giving gifts matters, and more importantly, WHAT you give and HOW you give the gift sets up the right dynamic between you and a man, or it doesn’t. (Read my article on creating an outstanding surprise)

What you give and how you give it can make you seem low value or high value in a man’s mind. That doesn’t make you less, though, it just makes him less attracted to you – and consequently, makes you less attracted to him (which sucks for you, too).

If you are buying for a male friend, you can THEORETICALLY go all out, because you’re not romantically interested in him. But personally, I don’t even do that with my male friends that I consider to be like a brother.

There’s a reason: it’s because in my BODY it doesn’t feel authentic to do this; it just doesn’t feel like I’m being the real ME.

I know my true gift is in being there in ANY man’s presence at ALL – and being happy, open and radiant. Your radiance and openness is a gift bigger than the size of the number on the price tag of your birthday or Christmas gift.

When it comes to buying men gifts, in the past I’ve made so many stupid and embarrassing mistakes that are pretty much too embarrassing to talk about. And it can be difficult knowing what gift to buy a man on any occasion – these days, so many of us already have everything we need, and it’s easy to buy something you think would be valuable, but a man doesn’t find to be a good gift.

And if you read through these 6 rules and realise you’ve made these mistakes, it’s cool, woman! You, me and every other female on the planet has made, or IS making such a mistake big time.

No problem, mistakes are a gift. Without mistakes, you can’t fully feel the satisfaction from getting things right.

Here are your 6 Rules to Follow:

1) Spending more doesn’t make you more valuable as a woman. 

So…why choose the more expensive option? Why spend a tonne on a man when you’re just dating, even if you have as much money as Paris Hilton? Is there even a good reason?

See, if you subconsciously want to flaunt your ability to spend a lot, then you’re not really in your feminine energy – and a man can’t feel you as a woman who enjoys being taken care of. Flaunting your ability to spend a lot doesn’t touch a masculine man – it will touch a more submissive man, or a man who is LOOKING out for a rich woman.

Hey, if you really, truly DON’T want to be taken care of, and you prefer to be the one taking care of HIM, then you can go ahead and ignore this rule.

But if you want the man you’re romantically interested in to be your hero, and to ADORE you, just don’t spend more for the sake of looking good. In fact, where you can, spend less.

2) Buying more items reduces the value of each gift you give. 

The idea is simple. Us humans generally like to acquire, to own more, to feel the satisfaction of ‘owning’ material goods in our life.

So this rule is VERY counter-intuitive in practice. But…think about it: if you have 50 items of jewellery, does it make every piece more special?

Or do you still keep one or two favourite pieces that you wear over and over again? You grow attached to a few of the jewellery items; that’s generally what happens.

A man (and anyone, really) will remember the gifts you give that mean something to THEM. They won’t keep in their memory many years down the track ‘oh that person used to fill up my Christmas stocking with 100 items that are useless and meaningless to me!’

The more of something we get, the less valuable it becomes. And this happens subconsciously.

When giving gifts, it’s more important to make an emotional impact on someone than to get a reaction of ‘woah!’ from them in reaction to the sheer VOLUME of gifts you’ve given them.

Remember that saying: “less is more” ?

Hard to remember this in a context where you’re buying gifts for someone, but IMPORTANT.

When it comes to gift giving, if you are going for the whole feeling that ‘yes!’ I am awesome and I have the money to buy a man TONNES of gifts!

Then..the message you are really sending is: “I get my feeling of self worth through PROVIDING for you. I’m the man.”

I am of the belief that when it comes to being romantically interested in a woman, the masculine men in the world around you will find you more endearing and want to take more care of you if you either

1) Get him nothing at all, and just receive what he gives you.

Or 2) make a simple purchase that is meaningful and leave it at that. It could be a mug, or you could make a lamb roast (yum, lamb!) Don’t flaunt riches. Don’t flaunt ‘provider’ abilities. You don’t need to.

You are far more vulnerable than that (that did read vulnerable) :) – you rather him do THAT for you – is that right? Really, are you truly attracted to a man whom you need to buy things for and take care of? Answer honestly for yourself.

If yes, then do things that encourage him doing that to you by NOT buying more, and not buying more expensive.

Your ability to react to and enjoy anything that a man gives you is far more interesting than your ability to give expensive gifts.

3) If you give a gift, make your gift either 1 – useful or 2- sentimental. 

When it comes to gift giving….it’s tempting to buy a man several items of clothing…or a cologne or another wallet…because these are the easiest options and it’s what every other girlfriend is giving her boyfriend and it saves time and thought on your part.

If you want to get him ANY of these things, make sure that it has a context and that it’s not just an ‘extra’ on top of all the other clothes he has or wallets he has just for the sake of ‘acquiring’ things.

For example, if you have been dating a while and you know he’s going hiking in January and has no hiking gear, then a pair of hiking pants is nice, because they serve a particular purpose for him in January, and it shows you understand him.

Most men like things with a purpose (tools, etc), or things that are sentimental. Unless a man is very feminine, he doesn’t give a damn about buying more and more clothes and gathering more and more things unless those things serve a clear-cut purpose in his mind.

Most are also not interested in pointless, fluffy, jingly things.

ie: You might appreciate cupcakes. But men aren’t moved by that. It just doesn’t ‘touch’ them if you give him cupcakes as a gift. Avoid it! (yes I see women doing this often!) he might enjoy eating them, but it won’t really touch him deeply.

ie: You might like cute lunch bags – but buying him a plastic zip-up lunch bag with a cute little soccer ball printed on it that a 10 year old boy could also use – he won’t appreciate it (yes, that’s actually also a real story. And the woman’s husband responded to the gift by saying ‘well, that’s not very manly!’). He’s stating the obvious.

Now, I thought twice about putting in the word ‘sentimental’ here, because a lot of women will take that and RUN with it. ‘Yay! I can get him a nice photo with ‘I love you so much’ printed on it!!’ Well…if you are married or have been together a long time, this gift is ok.

But not when you have NO idea where your relationship with this man is going! You have to wait to give such sentimental gifts. (read my article on How to Get Him to Propose)

If you have been together less than 6 months, stay away from sentimental gifts unless it’s the first time you are doing something like that and you are sure that HE has already done something like that for you at least two or three times.

Now, by sentimental, it depends on your relationship situation. If you are in a long term relationship or marriage and you really ALREADY feel like the WOMAN in the relationship, and you feel adored – then do what you want!

Just be mindful and conscious all the way. Be conscious of WHY you’re choosing to buy a gift.

Do you really need to get something extra?

If so, why are you getting it? Are you getting it because you feel you must, otherwise he will think you don’t LOVE him? If so, it’s the wrong reason to get the gift!

Are you getting him the gift because you think you should in order to show him that you are interested in him, although, inside, you’re aching for him to be do for you, and don’t actually LIKE being the one giving gifts to show your interest?

If you don’t feel adored yet, and he is NOT committed yet – then, whether you are dating or having something long term, your focus still needs to be on establishing the dynamic that you want with a man.

ie: not being the MAN in the relationship (unless you want to be). So keep sentimental gifts to something small like a keyring with a personal joke or personal photo attached, or a mug with a special quote or photo on it.

4) The less time you have spent dating, the better it is to buy less and spend less.

This is to help set up the dynamic that HE is the man in the relationship, and not YOU.

Look, you can make this mistake and maybe things will still work out if you and him are very compatible. It’s just the better choice, but if you’ve already made the mistake, then just do things differently next time, that’s all!

5) When in doubt about whether you SHOULD buy anything  at all, buy nothing at all.

And just make or buy a nice card to wish him happy birthday or happy Christmas.

There’s no need to buy something just because you think you should.

6) When and if he buys you something, make your reaction to the gift honest.

But do not criticize him (that’s not honest). It doesn’t matter if a man gives you something and it makes you want to burst out crying (I’ve done this before. And it only brought my husband and I closer, and he felt far worse about it than I ever did!)

If a man wants to make you happy, you have a good man. If instead he just calls you a bitch and never comes back because you cried over the present, well good! He wouldn’t have come back in the first place anyway!

It was either going to be this Christmas or some other random reason for him to take off. Some men are just not compatible with you like that; and some of them…well, they have a weak masculine energy like that.

Unless you were intending to criticize him and be a bitch about it. That’s just not a good choice on your part. Whatever he gives you, just know that it’s a start that he tried to give you anything at all.

Thank him, always thank him for giving you anything, but don’t pretend it’s orgasmic if it makes you want to cry. If it makes you over the moon, BE over the moon, if it upsets you, let it upset you! If it surprises you, LET it surprise you!

You’re a woman, it’s ok to be real and to feel with a man. That is what I believe, and I’ve done things this way for many years, and it’s never backfired on me.

You don’t want to do this with friends or others, but with a man, it’s ok. Men are funny creatures, you’ll be surprised how much the best men out there don’t mind you making them think and work out why on earth you didn’t like their gift. They’re stronger than you think, and not as sensitive as your Mom or your girlfriends.

Now I am handing it to you. Share your thoughts about buying men gifts. Do you have any personal rules that you follow? ie: you always spend less than a man, or you never buy a man gifts? Share your thoughts so other women can learn from you!

Renee the feminine woman

47 Comments

  • Jenny

    Reply Reply October 19, 2013

    Hey Renee, I was wondering about the rules for presenting the gift to your man. Would it be more feminine to present the gift on your knees and remain kneeling while he opens it?

  • Iyah Navarro

    Reply Reply October 5, 2013

    hey it’s me iyah I’ve been satin a guy for 4 months now and I bought him a shirt from buckaroo and he doesn’t like it because he said it was expensive back home(states) I’m from Korea:)I just want to give him a simple gift and he got lost at the train station so I have to pay the taxi bill for 200$because it was far from where I level so I have to pay that much.And these past few weeks I noticed that he would just let me buy him stuff since he know I’m making a lot of money.

    • Anna

      Reply Reply October 5, 2013

      Hi iyah,
      American guys from the states can be weird sometimes :) he probably does not feel a strong level of attraction to you when you end up paying big bills. I would sit back and let him take care of you for a while & the attraction (polarity) might come back. Right now he probably doesn’t feel like the man when you pay for him. He might let you though. But I would sit back for a while. Much love.

    • Chanel

      Reply Reply October 31, 2013

      I’m more concerned that he got lost in a train station, then asked her to pay the taxi bill. :/

      It sounds like you are being used a little bit.

  • Dottie

    Reply Reply June 7, 2013

    I’ve been dating someone a few months but he hasn’t “claimed” me exclusively for himself. (I know he’s not dating others — nor am I — but I don’t think it has occurred to him that he needs to claim me and maybe he just assumes I’m his girlfriend and exclusive.)

    Anyway he adores a local radio station and I have a friend who works there, so I was thinking about her giving him a private tour of the station. It would be free, but I’m afraid he’d think I’m showing off by knowing a local “celebrity.” Is this too over the top?

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  • Anna

    Reply Reply February 11, 2013

    Question: Valentine’s Day is coming up and he asked me to get him a certain whiskey he likes. I think he was just being playful and not fully expecting me to do it, but I bought it anyway. I sort of give him this every Valentine’s Day.

    But, lately, we’ve been having a change of energies…. he’s been displaying too much feminine energy, and I’ve been feeling like the masculine one.

    So I want to return the gift, and not give him anything for Valentine’s Day. I don’t think he’s going to get me anything. I’m pretty sure of it. I’m cooking for him anyway.

    Should I return the gift, or just go ahead and give it to him? I know he’d really like the gift. He’s been going through a hard time. But I’m just not sure I should do it because I’m scared he’ll take it for granted. And not appreciate me on Valentine’s day if I’m giving him everything : cooking…. gifts…. I really don’t think he’ll get me anything. Although it doesn’t matter, I want to shift the dynamic back to him being the man in the relationship.

  • A.

    Reply Reply January 25, 2013

    My fiance told me his mom said never to buy a woman shoes as a gift because the woman can walk away in them. I also heard women shouldnt buy men shoes for the same reason.

  • Nic

    Reply Reply December 20, 2012

    “But do not criticise, that’s not being honest.”

    Everyone I know who criticises always claims that they are “just being honest.”

    Can you elaborate?

  • redbone

    Reply Reply December 12, 2012

    I have been with this guy throuht hallowee, thanksgiving and now the month of december but we only be together for a short time I would like to give him something but I don’t know what,he was with me on the 3rd of this month he asked me for fifty dollars and I would not give it to him. He said he would call me its been over a week I call him he don’t pick up I text him no respond he laughed when I said I don’t have it but he knew I just got paid. He has gave me thirty dollars. Was I wrong. Like I say I only see him if I call him and it is only for one day. That is when he wants to be with me,because he don’t call me when he says. Another thing when a guy says he call you how come they just don’t say when? This could mean three weeks from now or a month or do this means he don’t want to be bother.

    • Chanel

      Reply Reply December 12, 2012

      Run from any man who asks you for money or is keeping a tally of what he has done for you. Love is not a gave of tit for tat.

      • redbone

        Reply Reply December 12, 2012

        No please don’t miss understand me I just said he gave me money he has not brung it up to me. No it is not like that but I felt bad because he gave me money and when he asked me I would not give him any, I don’t think he is the type tic for tac.

  • Bianca

    Reply Reply December 12, 2012

    Very helpful love!! I’ve done some ridiculous gift giving in the past!! Bought an ex a bottle of Ralph Lauren Blue and his reaction was is that the biggest size?? Got the same guy a leather journal for his birthday and he was like “is this something you took from your mom’s bookshelf” sigh!! Very helpful indeed. Me and current dude are only 3 months in and I need to as you said “establish dynamics” ha ha ha love this!!

  • Anna C

    Reply Reply December 12, 2012

    “Thank him, always thank him for giving you anything, but don’t pretend it’s orgasmic if it makes you want to cry. If it makes you over the moon, BE over the moon, if it upsets you, let it upset you! If it surprises you, LET it surprise you!”

    I just want to say that this is a very important line. It’s always good to show appreciation for the effort he has done. But the key here is to be genuine in your reaction to the gift. I think that alot of us are CONDITIONED to be POLITE instead of showing genuine emotion… and this drives a rift between you and your man. For instance, if he gets you a whoopie cushion and you expected a diamond ring, and you smile and be polite… he’d probably sense there is something wrong with the gift, but he wouldn’t be able to put his finger on it. He won’t be able to trust you because he’ll feel you are not telling him the truth. And that will add some distance to you both. BUT, if you show your disappointment, he’ll ask “what’s wrong? don’t you like it?” and like Renee said, if he is a good man, he’ll want to make you happy. And when you tell him, you expected something more sentimental, he’ll get to know you better and it will trigger his urge to take care of you. I’m no relationship expert, but this is what I think will happen.

    I do remember one time on my birthday, my boyfriend gave me a Spanish cookbook from a restaurant in Barcelona where I’m from, he thought it was a great gift, but I was disappointed when I saw it…. because I had expected him to get me something romantic, like a single red rose. He sensed my disappointment, and I tried to tell him that I thought it would have been a rose, and I felt he understood me a little better.

    • Bianca

      Reply Reply December 12, 2012

      awwwww

    • Jasmin

      Reply Reply December 12, 2012

      I think that when an ALPHA male is in love with you, he knows better than to give you a whoopee cushion. He WANTS to give you a meaningful gift and will spend a lot of time and effort to get you something that he thinks you will love. In fact, he wants to give you things and do things for you ALL THE TIME, You shouldn’t have to cry to get what you want!!!. He wants your coat to be warm enough. He’ll shovel your snow. He’ll send you a pot of mustard he thinks you’ll like. He’ll travel great distances to be with you on YOUR turf. AND, eventually he will give you the diamond ring, too! When we were dating, my now husband even showed up with groceries and TOILET PAPER when he came to visit me in the country, because at the time I didn’t have a car. I could have been insulted that he didn’t bring me flowers. I had plenty of toilet paper and food. But, I thought it was sweet. The sentiment behind the gift is as important as the material value of it. I believe that showing emotions are great, but making a big deal out of disappointment in a gift when you’ve only been with a guy for a short time is a double edged sword.

      • Jasmin

        Reply Reply December 12, 2012

        Another thing. Him worrying about whether my winter coat was warm enough and showing up with toilet paper let me know that he would be a good provider and that he was concerned with my comfort and well being. Roses would not have revealed that. BTW, he had sent roses in the past.

        • Anna C

          Reply Reply December 13, 2012

          Jasmin, that is really sweet. Sometimes I feel like my man is like this… but sometimes I feel him to be so distant and indifferent. When he is close, like right now, he’s always giving me little things I might need, making sure I am warm enough, when he is sick and I’m trying to take care of him, he’s very conscious of not spreading anything to me (even when I want to hug him so bad)… and when you say that one day he’ll give you the ring I think… I hope… you are right, because I really want to spend the rest of my life with him. I just get so scared when he’s distant. (Been reading Renee’s blogs on this subject).

  • M

    Reply Reply December 12, 2012

    What about self-made gifts? I love to knit, and I only knit for the people I love; now that I think of it, knitting seems to be one of the ways I show my love to the people I care about.

    But would it be OK to give self-knitted items to a relatively new boyfriend of 5 months? I have already finished a scarf to give him as a Christmas present, and was just about to cast on a matching hat from the rest of the yarn, but now I’m starting to think that maybe this is too much… Is it? And how do men feel about self-made gifts, in general?

    • Jasmin

      Reply Reply December 12, 2012

      Hi, M

      I’m sure that Renee will chime in with the perfect answer, but in the meantime, I have been happily married to an alpha male attorney for 12 years. You might give him only one of the knitted gifts. I’ve noticed that men tend to wear hats more than scarves. They also don’t usually go for matchy matchy sets of things like we do. Men do like self made gifts if they are nice and something that they can use. At only 5 months, I wouldn’t go too sentimental in him yet.

      • Jasmin

        Reply Reply December 12, 2012

        I say that about scarves because my hubby never wears them. When we married, I inherited all of the wonderful scarves his old girlfriends had given him over the years (cashmere , Burberry , etc.) that were languishing unused in a drawer!

        • M

          Reply Reply December 12, 2012

          Well, my man does seem to wear a scarf, at least now that it’s winter and it’s freezing outside… And he only wears clothes from expensive brands, you know, the kind of stuff I could never afford to buy since he’s much more well-to-do than me, so he seems to have an eye for quality products. So I’m wondering how he would react to a self-knitted scarf – would he like it and appreciate all the effort and love I put into making it, or would he be like “meh, not my favorite brand”.

    • M

      Reply Reply January 11, 2013

      So, I did give him the self-knitted scarf and a matching hat for Christmas. And he seemed to like them. And then… I opened his gift to me. It was a little envelope with a pretty necklace inside, plus tickets and a very nice hotel for a 15-day trip to New York. I was so surprised that I dropped down on the couch.

      I’m over the moon about the present, obviously, but it also kind of makes me feel bad. My financial status is such that I will probably never ever be able to return the favor and gift him with something as expensive as this (we live in Europe, and the tickets across the Atlantic alone cost a fortune!). My Christmas present to him, although knit with love, just seems to pale in comparison. I never really used to feel self-conscious about being poor before, but now all I can think of is, what can he possibly see in me?

  • Chanel

    Reply Reply December 11, 2012

    I’ve made this mistake! I’ve bought men MP3 players, nice watches, expensive sneakers…oh, never again. Something did feel off when I gave expensive gifts. This year, the guy I am dating will either get a card or xmas cookies, or nothing.

    Renee, won’t you please share with us some of the ridiculous things you have purchased for men in the past? :)

  • Lori

    Reply Reply December 11, 2012

    I’ve been dating my guy for 6 months. I wasn’t sure what to give him. He’s proud of his Irish heritage so I ordered a framed history of his surname and family coat of arms. Sentimental but not mushy.

    • Lori

      Reply Reply December 11, 2012

      Oh, and since he loves my homemade salsa so much that I thought I would also make up a batch for him.

      • Chanel

        Reply Reply December 11, 2012

        I’d just give him the salsa. lol.

        • Lori

          Reply Reply December 11, 2012

          lol. Too late, already ordered the gift. I didn’t spend too much, simple.

        • tj90409

          Reply Reply December 11, 2012

          Then save the Irish thing for his birthday.

    • Jasmin

      Reply Reply December 12, 2012

      I think those are PERFECT gifts! I’d make sure that he knows you made a big batch of salsa and are giving it to all of your friends, though!

      • Lori

        Reply Reply December 12, 2012

        Thanks Jasmin, he’s one of those guys that can buy himself whatever he wants so I was opting for sentimental without going overboard since we are only at the six month mark. Didn’t know it was going to be so difficult to figure it out.

  • Andy

    Reply Reply December 11, 2012

    If you have paid any attention at all to him, you’ll know what gift to get. Just one, don’t go mental, but do give a gift, as we would with anyone, if it feels right. Giving is absolutely right for any feeling person to another when it is done without a hidden agenda. Think Scrooge – he gave to all when redeemed and the joy was in giving what was needed/appropriate/created happiness. The big thing seems to be – is it bought for the sake of it or not, and if the gift is ‘made’ it makes no difference – it is still from me to you no matter what it is. Don’t make gift giving a hang-up or part of your arsenal of weaponry. Give without expectation other than the hope that it makes the other experience joy in receiving – and if you have paid attention to him, the gift will do this, take your positive energy to where it can be accepted.

  • tj90409

    Reply Reply December 11, 2012

    I never buy men gifts. It has always felt “wrong” to me. I feel so stupid buying him things he could or should buy himself. A shirt? A wallet? A tie? I’m not his mother. If he’s going hiking and needs gear, he’s a big boy and can get it himself.

    I always just gave him homemade candy. I make a special type of candy brittle. It’s so good, it’s highly addictive. He’s begged me for the recipe (in case I dump him he won’t be without it!) LOL

    This will be our 3rd Christmas together, so I’ll also make him something sentimental too.

  • Jun

    Reply Reply December 11, 2012

    I agree men naturally like to provide. women to receive. the reality is that modern women have a lot of financial power to give. for most of the sucessful career women, it is not practical to be vulnerable, even though men find vulnerable attractive. I truely had hard time to be vulnerable. a relationship model that works for these strong women to encourage and appreciate men to be stronger…to challenge them do better …

  • lynn

    Reply Reply December 11, 2012

    Hi

    Thanks for the advice, I’ve been considering what to get someone who I’ve been dating for his up coming birthday as well as christmas, so this has helped.

    Thing I’m not clear on is the HOW to give it to him, what do you mean by that? Would be great if you would elaborate.

    Thanks for everything.
    Lynn

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply December 11, 2012

      Hi Lynn – the ‘how’ is the manner in which you go about planning for the gift and giving the gift.

      ie: WHERE are you coming from when you give it? Are you giving a certain gift to impress? To look good?

      Basically when you’re dating you want to give a man a gift from the right place, that sets up the right dynamic, if what you want is for him to adore YOU. xox

  • sharon

    Reply Reply December 11, 2012

    Well ladies, you can always play safe and get him a 10 dollar Amazon gift voucher, or a book token. Those are very neutral gifts and don’t say anything either way

  • eve pan

    Reply Reply December 11, 2012

    very very insightful article Renee,i defintiely has made this mistake and giving gifts to men can interrupt the masucline-femine patterns in a relationship. Although I am the kinda person who likes to enjoying giving people gifts and suprises,so I guess I can try giving that to more of my family and girl friends,haha

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply December 11, 2012

      Hi Eve! Yes, family and girlfriends I am sure will enjoy a good surprise, not that men don’t…it’s just that we need to be careful based on how the relationship/dating situation currently sits! xox

  • Anna C

    Reply Reply December 11, 2012

    This article could not have better timing, and it’s a very thoughtful and innovative article you absolutely don’t see often on the internet regarding dating advice.

    My man & I have been together almost 2 years. Last year I made the mistake of giving him an expensive espresso machine that he wanted (he didn’t actually expect me to get it for him). We are both not the wealthiest people around, so that was a big expense for me.

    This year, I’m going to bake him cookies and wrap them in a simple box. I got them from a cookbook that he LOVES. On my birthday, he bought me the Spanish version while he had the English version and he cooked me any meal from it (like I said, he’s not the wealthiest guy).

    One day I saw him drooling over these almond cookies. More than once. So I’m just going to bake them for him. I hope this is a good present. I’m careful to spend too much because when I do, I totally notice the dynamic of our relationship changing. Thanks for this heads up Renee.

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply December 11, 2012

      Hi Anna! NIce to hear from you here on the blog :) it’s good you consciously notice how gift giving changes the dynamics in your relationship, and make a new decision because of that. Thanks for sharing!

  • Anna C

    Reply Reply December 12, 2012

    I think she means if a woman expects something else, say, a diamond ring, and she gets instead a whoopie cushion with a mistletoe on it or something like that because he thought it was funny and wanted to make her laugh (good intention), a woman might want to cry… it’s just that he missed her point entirely, that’s why she would want to cry. But you are right, crying would be the wrong reaction here. On the other hand, being orgasmically happy would too. I think the right reaction, of which you and Renee both got it right, is to smile politely and thank him. You would be smiling because you are authentically appreciative of the effort, but he can’t expect you to be overly elated if you’re truly not.

  • Anna C

    Reply Reply December 12, 2012

    Ok I don’t know what I’m talking about, if it makes you want to cry and upsets you, she is saying to let it upset you… I don’t know, I’m always about thanking him for the effort. I don’t think I’d ever genuinely cry over it…

    But I want to tell you something – my man is genuine about it. I’ve given him a gift that he was TERRIBLY disappointed with and he told me about it!! I felt AWFUL! He had told me to get him a certain thing, and since I wasn’t too familiar with it, I got him the wrong one, and he got upset! And I was thinking…. Ok, I’m never going to get you anything again…. that’s why I don’t buy gifts anymore, I just make them. That way if he doesn’t like it, meh, that’s they way they are supposed to be. Since I make them, I have control over how they turn out. And it costs a lot less too.

  • Jasmin

    Reply Reply December 12, 2012

    @ AnnaC

    Sometimes my hubby wants something in a different color and I’ll cheerfully exchange it for him. But, why would a man be upset if you made the effort and it was just the wrong model? Couldn’t he have exchanged it?

  • Anna C

    Reply Reply December 13, 2012

    He was upset because we had discussed this before, and he thought I understood him and listened to him, so he didn’t understand why I would get the wrong thing if I understood. But I’m the type of person where I have to see, touch, go through the process a few time to totally understand something. For instance, I have to drive to a certain place maybe up to 5 times before I remember how to get there. For him, if he’s been there once, he can remember it. That is why he was upset. He didn’t understand how I could forget or not understand correctly when we had talked about it before. (If it’s a technical subject or something I’m not familiar with, it takes me A LONG time to understand the nuances).

  • Anna C

    Reply Reply December 13, 2012

    Actually, if he were to go salsa dancing with me, and I taught him a move, he would probably NOT get it until at least 10 tries!! But salsa comes so easily for me since I’ve been doing it for years. I could probably learn a new move very quickly. This is probably why he does NOT go salsa dancing with me, because he’s afraid of looking stupid when he doesn’t understand. In fact, he has a safe zone he really sticks to for this reason. This is probably why he got so upset with me… because he is really upset with this part of himself that can’t take making errors.

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