Here’s why it’s important for you to become a woman of mystery and feminine allure…
A sense of mystery makes all of us want more and inspires us to invest deeper. It makes us excited in anticipation of more.
When you are able to access the natural feminine part of you that is by default mysterious to men, then men will want to invest more in you and who you are.
The concept of being mysterious is so much more than just keeping things fresh and exciting, and it’s never about playing mind games.
But rather it’s about adding this specific type of spontaneous and dopamine-filled value to the men in your life.
How to be mysterious in a relationship
Most people have trouble creating mystery and intrigue in their intimate relationship.
Couples get too comfortable, too “familiar” and feel their spouse no longer excites them.
Most people have low standards for themselves and so let everything go because they believe that since they’ve been with their spouse for so long, they feel ‘accepted’ and loved for who they are.
A masculine man will find a feminine woman mysterious (and fascinating) just because she is her true feminine self.
And he doesn’t and cannot ever live in that feminine reality (with a few exceptions) and see the world exactly the way she does.
You as a woman are mysterious even if you don’t make a conscious effort to be mysterious. All it really takes is for you to relax more into who you are.
We’re naturally meant to be mysterious and fascinating to the opposite sex!
Masculine/feminine are opposites and they attract, produce fire and create intense sexual energy because they’re opposites. And these energies are meant to feed one another.
You can be mysterious simply by embodying your true self.
This encompasses embracing the feminine (if you’re more feminine at your core).
If you are authentic, you are mysterious anyway. Anyone who is authentic, confident, real, rare, has self-respect and tends to be unique is mysterious naturally. (read my article about how to be feminine)
Strategies can be used in combination with this natural tendency, and there will be a huge spark!
However, the women who are not mysterious are the ones who need approval from other people. Read my article on why pleaser women always lose out.
Pleaser women, women who seek approval a lot, are not comfortable or strong enough to live life on their terms and to be a mystery.
Are you a mysterious woman?
Have you ever met a man or a young guy who was not your normal “type”?
Perhaps he was rather physically plain from your point of view – yet you couldn’t help but find yourself drawn to him?
Perhaps you found yourself wanting to know more?
I know when I was at University, there was a guy in our lecture who was really quite physically unappealing.
Yet one day us girls all decided at the same time that there was “something about him”. That something was a quiet, self-assured, unshakable self-confidence and masculine pride.
The coveted feeling of self-confidence
This kind of fascination over someone who isn’t our normal “type” happens to everyone!
Well, one reason is because they are unapologetically themselves.
Their body language doesn’t convey fear, tenseness, or the energy that they are trying hard to gain your approval. They just are.
I’m no scientist but it’s another reason is also likely because it is natural for us human beings to have moments where we feel like we are not enough.
So, if someone seems to have that rare leadership skill, that so coveted ‘secret’ to being confident, then we want to know more!
Plus, once we find out the ‘secret’ – we still want more! Because a person who is reassured and confident is amazing to be around!
It gives other human beings the ‘OK’ to be themselves regardless of any so-called ‘imperfections’.
In fact – it’s the way that person makes us feel, as well.
From a woman’s point of view, she can be fascinating and mysterious as well as exciting and stimulating by starting to live in her feminine energy.
This is because men simply don’t relate to this way of life and being. Yes, men have feminine energy too. Yet about 90% of men are masculine at their core.
This means that their world is not the same as your world as a feminine woman!
Also, think of it in the reverse. if a man lives in his masculine confidently – we’re more likely to be drawn to him. (Click here to take the quiz “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)
Take the lead
I once heard a TV presenter discuss hair color on women with another presenter, and one of them said ‘I think there’s a certain mystery to brunettes’.
I found this interesting, and started thinking about it. If you’re fine being yourself, and being a leader rather than a follower, you’ll attract people to you, and these people will want more.
Also, they will want to know more about you.
I just want to tell you this: We all have something extraordinary inside of us. The feeling of self-confidence is not easy to come by.
We want to be around people like this and want to know more about them because we all know there is that extraordinary thing inside of us if we could just ‘tap into it’.
We want more of it, and seeing somebody else with it tends to make us want it more and bring out more of it within ourselves.
That’s what mystery is about. It’s having the confidence to be naturally who you are at your core. When you are authentic, your leadership qualities come out, and this leadership quality translates to you being high value as a woman.
We’ve all seen groups of women together who look the same.
They don’t look the same because they’ve got the same natural facial features, they look the same because they feel the same on the inside, and therefore they exude the same energy which we humans pick up on.
Women who are not mysterious
There are plenty of women running around, flaunting their sexuality for example.
There is usually no mystery to these people.
Everything is there for all to see. Yes, men will chase them, but they will chase them for easy sex, not because they want to love them and protect them forever.
If a woman readily flaunts her sexuality, and wears revealing clothing and talks loud etc, everyone knows subconsciously why she’s doing it.
Every human being knows what it’s like to want attention, this is easy to understand.
Every human being knows what it’s like to feel like they are not enough, and this feeling gives us pain.
We don’t want pain – we want someone who can make us happy and someone whom we can experience pleasure with.
The people who flaunt themselves for attention are sometimes unaware that people know why they’re doing it. It’s pretty obvious to most of us.
The fact that this type of attention seeking is transparent automatically leaves little mystery to us as women (if we act that way).
We all become who we spend our time with.
Our peers say a lot about us.
Women hang around in packs generally, and there are plenty of groups of women who hang around together with the shared understanding that their mission is to look hot, to get as much attention as possible and to ‘capture’ the guys. (read my article about how to attract men)
Insecurity is easy to come by. Do you follow me?
I’m saying that there’s no mystery in people who exude a low of sense of self-worth.
We’ve all been there, we’ve all felt what it’s like to think we’re not enough. It’s part of life.
It’s the rare individual who can stand out from the rest and be a leader/be confident that makes people want to know more about them.
People want to be around them, too (there’s more to it than that, but for the moment we’re talking about mystery).
How to be mysterious to your husband
Have you ever noticed that couples who have been together for a long time start to look alike?
This is cute, yes, but I think there’s a bad side to this. Ideally, in a relationship where you are still madly in love and hot for each other, you’ll see some differences clearly.
You’ll see polarity.
The women who relate completely to men….
I also often see women take up their man’s passion in order to connect with him and to feel more loved by him.
I know women taking up golf competitively for example, in order to connect with their man and be more accepted.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with playing a sport that he likes for fun.
But if you go along with him all the time just to ‘be like him’, it’s great that you guys will develop a connection from this.
But due to the loss of polarity and differences, you will lose that sense of mystery!
He understands you; there’s no mystery.
It is beneficial to be a tomboy or to be “one of the boys” some of the time, if that’s what you enjoy. Just don’t do it because you want to wear fake masculine masks just to like you’re “worthy” of belonging in a group!
A mysterious woman knows this…
Ideally, at least half of the time, when he plays golf/soccer/football/darts/goes fishing – you will be doing something that fills up your feminine soul.
Something like going barefoot in nature, nurturing animals or young children, going shopping, having a picnic, having your girlfriends over, and basically just doing the things that girls do.
You can still play sports with him – but it’s the women who relate to their men all the time who tend to lose the mystery early.
It’s the women who make these male-dominated sports in to a competition (like all masculine men do – they want to be challenged and want to compete) that lose that natural feminine allure.
Understanding men is markedly different from RELATING to them
You still need to understand men.
Feminine women understand men, but relating to them is a different thing.
Understanding means that you can appreciate, accept, distinguish and comprehend.
To relate means that you are joined with him. That you unite with him (in the less preferable way!) There is a good way to unite with him! (read my article about 5 insights on understanding men)
Sexual polarity & being a mysterious woman
I am not much of a science student, but I’m going to talk about magnetism for a short second.
Positive attracts negative.
A positive end of a magnet will never attract a positive end of another magnet and vice versa.
You must have your own feminine interests that he doesn’t relate to if you want to be mysterious to men.
The point of this post is to encourage you to develop your feminine core, and use the strategies I mentioned in the first part of ‘How to Be Mysterious‘ when you feel you need to.
Admittedly, there will be times when things get a bit too comfortable and predictable.
That’s when you need to use the strategies I have given you.
Otherwise, work your womanly attributes and you’ll certainly have an advantage over your not as feminine sisters naturally when it comes to being mysterious.
Remember to start from the inside-out.
Being a mysterious woman isn’t just about being feminine (there’s more…)
Let’s just put aside the feminine/masculine business for a moment, and think about mystery in general.
If for example you’re in a social group, and find that everyone acts the same (who you spend time with is who you become!!)
If there is a person who is strong enough to be themselves, and is different to the rest – this captures people’s attention.
Humans notice contrast.
The reason an authentic person who is a leader IS mysterious is because of many things.
But one reason is because they have something which everybody wants – their own unique direction and identity. That’s mysterious!
And if you’re a leader, everyone suddenly wants to know whatchya got 😉
Authenticity is power. Everyone is born unique. But we don’t all end up unique.
Most people will tend to blend in and try to fit in in order to gain acceptance, to conform, and to be safe. I hope that all made sense.
Have a lovely day/night and do feel free to share with me your thoughts on this article.
Being mysterious can attract your man to you, but this is only one of the many things. Click here to find out the 17 Attraction Triggers that can get your man hooked.
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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