How to Be Mysterious

How to Be Mysterious

Why would a woman want to be mysterious?

The ‘concept’ behind being mysterious is about keeping things fresh and exciting, so that the relationship doesn’t become to plagued by rituals. Rituals have their use (and positive uses at that) – but bad relationship rituals can turn spouses off. Often, mystery can be created by distance (being apart from your spouse) however, this isn’t always true because some couples who are often apart still don’t have much mystery. It’s all about who you show up as. (Click here to take the quiz “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

How To Be Mysterious

Most people have trouble creating mystery and intrigue in their intimate relationship. Couples get too comfortable, too “familiar” and feel their spouse no longer excites them. Most people have low standards for themselves and so let everything go because they believe that since they’ve been with their spouse for so long, they feel ‘accepted’ and loved for who they are.

A masculine man will find a feminine woman mysterious (and fascinating) just because she is her true feminine self, and he doesn’t and cannot ever live in that reality (with a few exceptions) and see the world exactly the way she does, and she is mysterious even if she doesn’t make a conscious effort to be mysterious. We’re meant to be mysterious and fascinating to the opposite sex. Masculine – Feminine are opposites and they attract, produce fire and create intense sexual energy because they’re opposites and these energies are meant to feed one another.


You can be mysterious simply by embodying your true self. This encompasses embracing the feminine (if you’re more feminine at your core). If you are authentic, you are mysterious anyway. Anyone who is authentic,confident, real, rare, has self-respect and tends to be unique is mysterious naturally. (read my article about how to be feminine)

Strategies can be used in combination with this natural tendency, and there will be a huge spark! 😉 However, the women who are not mysterious are the ones who need approval from other people. They are not comfortable or strong enough to live life on their terms and to be an example/a leader. People follow leaders because they want more of what they’ve got. There’s ‘something about’ leaders!

Mysterious Men

Have you ever met a man or a young guy who was not your normal archetype – perhaps rather physically plain from your point of view – yet you couldn’t help but find yourself drawn to him? Wanting to know more? I know when I was at College/University, there was a guy in our lecture who was really quite physically unappealing – yet one day us girls all decided at the same time that there was “something about him”.That something was a quiet, self-assured, unshakable self-confidence and masculine pride.

The coveted feeling of self-confidence

This happens to everyone! Why? Well, I’m no scientist but it’s likely because it is natural for us human beings to have moments where we feel like we are not enough. So, if someone seems to have that rare leadership skill, that so coveted ‘secret’ to being confident, then we want to know more! Plus, once we find out the ‘secret’ – we still want more – because a person who is reassured and confident is amazing to be around! It gives other human beings the ‘ok’ to be themselves regardless of any so-called ‘imperfections’. In fact – it’s the way that person makes us feel, as well.

A person who is self-confident has more radiance, they are more likely to get what they want – more likely to be happy and to have more gumption (get up and go attitude). From a woman’s point of view – she can be fascinating and mysterious as well as exciting and stimulating by starting to live in her feminine because men simply don’t relate to this way of life and being. Also, if a man lives in his masculine confidently – we’re more likely to be drawn to him. (Click here to take the quiz “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

The strategies

If you practice being mysterious with strategies often, yet you are not confident within yourself, you’ll eventually find it tiring. A lack of confidence leads to conforming. You will be running around, letting the current take you wherever it wants to take you. You’ll also likely be a victim to other people’s ‘talk’ and negative beliefs. Most women have been around a group of women who like to bitch, back-stab, complain – and basically have nothing good to say. If you’re like them internally, you’ll unknowingly reflect it on the outside, too.

I once heard a TV presenter discuss hair color on women with another presenter, and one of them said ‘I think there’s a certain mystery to brunettes’. I found this interesting, and started thinking about it. If you’re fine being yourself, and being a leader rather than a follower, you’ll attract people to you, and these people will want more. Also, they will want to know more about you.

I just want to tell you this: We all have something extraordinary inside of us. The feeling of self-confidence is not easy to come by. We want to be around people like this and want to know more about them because we all know there is that extraordinary thing inside of us – and we want more of it, and seeing somebody else with it tends to make us want it more and bring out more of it within ourselves.

We’ve all seen groups of women together who look the same. They don’t look the same because they’ve got the same natural facial features, they look the same because they feel the same on the inside, and therefore they exude the same energy which we humans pick up on.

Women who are not mysterious

There are plenty of women running around, flaunting their sexuality for example. There is no mystery to these people. Everything is there for all to see. Yes, men will chase them, but they will chase them for easy sex, not because they want to love them and protect them forever.

If a woman readily flaunts her sexuality, and wears revealing clothing and talks loud etc, everyone knows subconsciously why she’s doing it. Every human being knows what it’s like to want attention, this is easy to understand. Every human being knows what it’s like to feel like they are not enough, and this feeling gives us pain. We don’t want pain – we want someone who can make us happy and someone whom we can experience pleasure with.

The people who flaunt themselves for attention are unaware that people know why they’re doing it. People just don’t buy that stuff long-term! Maybe for a night of sex. We all become who we spend our time with. Our peers say a lot about us. Women hang around in packs generally, and there are plenty of groups of women who hang around together and their mission is to look hot and get as much attention as possible and ‘capture’ the guys. (read my article about how to attract men)

Insecurity is easy to come by. Do you follow me? I’m saying that there’s no mystery in people who exude a low of sense of self-worth. We’ve all been there, we’ve all felt what its like to think we’re not enough. It’s part of life. Life is here to challenge us. It’s the rare individual who can stand out from the rest and be a leader/be confident that makes people want to know more about them and be around them (there’s more to it than that, but for the moment we’re talking about mystery).

On couples….

Have you ever noticed that couples who have been together for a long time start to look alike? This is cute, yes, but I think there’s a bad side to this. Ideally, in a relationship where you are still madly in love and hot for each other, you’ll see some differences clearly. You’ll see polarity.

The women who relate completely to Men….

I also often see women take up their man’s passion in order to connect with him and to feel more loved by him. I know women taking up golf competitively for example, in order to connect with their man and be more accepted. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with playing a sport that he likes for fun, but if you go along with him all the time, and start to do what he does, the way he does it – he now gets you. He understands you; there’s no mystery. This is why being ‘one of the boys’ is not beneficial. If you relate completely to men on their level, and they can relate to you 100% – you’ve lost the mystery.

Ideally, when he plays golf/soccer/football/darts/goes fishing – you will be shopping, having a picnic, having your girlfriends over, and basically just doing the things that girls do. You can still play sports with him – but it’s the women who relate to their men who lose the mystery. It’s the women who make these male-dominated sports in to a competition (like all masculine men do – they want to be challenged and want to compete) then men can relate.

Understanding Men is markedly different from RELATING to them

You still need to understand men. Feminine women understand men, but relating to them is a different thing. Understanding means that you can appreciate, accept, distinguish and comprehend. To relate means that you are joined with him – that you unite with him (in the less preferable way!) There is a good way to unite with him!! 😉 (read my article about 5 insights on understanding men)

Positives and Negatives

I am not much of a science student, but I’m going to talk about magnetism for a short second. Positive attracts negative. A positive end of a magnet will never attract a positive end of another magnet and vice versa. If you are not authentic in any way, are always available, and relate to your man completely, then you will have trouble being mysterious. You must have your own feminine interests that he doesn’t relate to if you want to be mysterious to men.

The point of this post is to encourage you to develop your feminine core, and use the strategies I mentioned in the first part of ‘How to Be Mysteriouswhen you feel you need to.

Admittedly, there will be times when things get a bit too comfortable and predictable. That’s when you need to use the strategies I have given you.Otherwise, work your womanly attributes, and you’ll certainly have an advantage over your not as feminine sisters naturally when it comes to being mysterious. Remember to start from the inside-out.

Even if we put aside the feminine/masculine business for a moment, and think about mystery in general. If for example you’re in a social group, and find that everyone acts the same (who you spend time with is who you become!!) if there is a person who is strong enough to be themselves, and is different to the rest – this captures people’s attention. Humans notice contrast.

The reason an authentic person who is a leader IS mysterious is because of many things, but one reason is because they have something which everybody wants – confidence. And if you’re a leader, everyone suddenly wants to know whatchya got 😉

Authenticity is power. Everyone is born unique – but we don’t all end up unique. Most people will tend to blend in and try to fit in in order to gain acceptance, to conform, and to be safe. That’s it!I hope that all made sense.

Have a lovely day/night and do feel free to share with me your thoughts on this article.

Being mysterious can attract your man to you, but this is only one of the many things. Click here to find out the 17 Attraction Triggers that can get your man hooked. 


  • meow

    I don’t agree with u am like a typical tomboy u know one of the guys type of girl and yet my guy finds me mysterious and we have known each other for five years

  • Dawn

    As always, I love your perspective. Great article :)

    • tower

      I think is totally OK to have at least one common hobby. Not to compete, but to share and feel closer. Men need a partner in life, its better that a woman is a friend who he can discuss his male issues too for support and understanding. I know a man who divorced his wife BECAUSE she didn’t share his interests and was “too feminine”/ May be he fell in love in her thats why in the first place, but when it comes to long years of marriage sharing some “males” interests will only do good. IMO.
      In my experience , my marriage was as feminine-masculine type, full of love and mystery in the beginning, but finally we end up having nothing to talk about. We loved different things in life, didn’t share anything and it was really annoying connection, as we have a child and must show a good relationship.

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  • Rochelle

    “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with playing a sport that he likes for fun, but if you go along with him all the time, and start to do what he does, the way he does it – he now gets you. He understands you; there’s no mystery. This is why being ‘one of the boys’ is not beneficial. If you relate completely to men on their level, and they can relate to you 100% – you’ve lost the mystery.
    Ideally, when he plays golf/soccer/football/darts/goes fishing – you will be shopping, having a picnic, having your girlfriends over, and basically just doing the things that girls do. You can still play sports with him – but it’s the women who relate to their men who lose the mystery. It’s the women who make these male-dominated sports in to a competition (like all masculine men do – they want to be challenged and want to compete) then men can relate.”

    I understand your advice to not do these things together all the time. And I understand that a man does not fall in love with a woman because she has similar interests. But I say ladies, don’t be mistaken. I’ve seen that men do value women who have a few male dominated interests and love it when a woman can be ok with sharing them. I think it builds connection. One of my best girl friends is into sports and so is her boyfriend. They often attend sporting events together. I love video games and action movies;all the males I have dated who were into such things valued this about me too…(though I’ve come to realize for other reasons I do not want a gamer boyfriend and they make better friends for me). But I do know gamer couples and the guys in those relationships feel really lucky to have a girlfriend who likes them and will play them, since most women are telling their men to put their video games away. Even the ones who aren’t into it are always intrigued by this being a hobby of mine. I mean I also have traditional feminine hobbies such as cooking, dancing, and I carry myself like a lady. A woman who is into sports and/or games and sometimes plays them with her man can still maintain her feminine mystery. I think the key is that when it’s being done competitively (i.e. you’re playing against each other) is to be playful and smile when you win rather than being a braggart like a guy would.

  • Roman Pierce

    Being mysterious is important but being too mysterious is a problem (trust issues)! Have a look at the mens version of being mysterious

  • Smantha

    Well this is a good artical but it could also make your man think your cheating on him.

  • shila


    but if we live a part , and we just see each other for sex , but we talk every day and he says he is only with me , but I’m not his girl friend after 2 years , I love him desperatly and he loves my sex , he said to me never marry me….is there any hope if I do these strategies??? can you help me to change and develop my relationship with him…thank you

  • Helena

    This is all so true… If you get very predictable for men, their passion is going to fade away soon, even if they still love you. Men seem to be hunters. For a long term, most of them are only attracted if you are never entirely caught. If your man has hard times, he may need stability, understanding and helping hand for a while. If he gets back on his feet, go on playing and make the life interesting for both of you:)

  • namaste


    i’ve been reading this article and i have to say that i am surprised to find it a bit manipulative. While most of your site discusses having and attracting an Alpha male this particular post seems to suggest a manipulative type of behavior. i don’t believe that is your intent though. With all respect, having over 20 years relationship and mentoring experience i don’t believe it is necessary to create instability or utilize some what immature tactics (like not answering the phone) to create mystery. It is absolutely possible for a woman to be fully authentic in her love and desire and it’s expression and still maintain the Mystery of being a Woman. i’d humbly urge that you consider those things in the spirit said.


  • Renee

    Hey Larry!

    I’m glad you’ve found most of my article interesting and insightful.

    And, as for your other comments: I would like to say that if you have read a few articles like you’ve said; you would know that there’s no way on earth I could run this site if I advocated ‘actively confusing communication between a man and a woman’.

    I can see you’re quite certainty driven, and in regards to your point about “unpredictability”, what about being unpredictably ‘FUN’?! Maybe the women who have been in your life were just unpredictably ‘moody’ or ‘snarky’.

    I think there’s a difference. :)

    Obviously, if doing some of these things upset a relationship – I think any normal woman is wise enough to know how to ‘PICK AND CHOOSE’ her strategies from my advice.

    Any woman who knows her man knows which to take and which not to take from my advice. No one man or woman is the same, and I do take that in to account when I write my posts.

    I don’t suggest women implement every single strategy that I suggest.

    Thanks for your input Larry.

  • Larry

    Greetings. I’ve just recently found this site, and while I find most of the articles to date interesting and insightful I find that as a man I must emphatically disagree with you on this article.

    There is a difference between a woman “remaining interesting” for her man and being unpredictable or inconsistent. I greatly value consistency, reliability, and predictability in a woman (or anyone, really). I want to know that if she is going to handle something then it is going to be handled, and I don’t need to worry about it. If we have a routine, it’s because I want that routine to help keep me grounded so I can focus on other things. I don’t want to have to waste brain cycles on it.

    Rearranging something in my house without talking to me first doesn’t make you mysterious; it gets you a quick trip to the couch for the night until you undo the damage.

    Being deliberately evasive and irregular when I try to get a hold of you, or when you try to get a hold of me, doesn’t make you mysterious and interesting. It makes you unreliable and unpredictable, and therefore a drain on my time. If I can’t make plans knowing when you’re available when I need to know if you’re available, then I will make plans that don’t involve you. A lot of them. Like, my life.

    I find it rather appalling that you’d advocate reducing, or actively confusing, communication between a man and woman. Communication is rather fundamental to any relationship, particularly a romantic one.

    I really do not understand how this advise is at all useful or helpful. “Inconsistent and unpredictable” is the #1 reason why I’ve *disliked* many of the women I’ve been involved with in the past.

    • Jon

      Sorry Larry, but are we reading the same article here?

      Where did it advise women to be “evasive and irregular” when men are trying to contact them?
      Where did it advise women to “rearrange something in your house” in order to be unpredictable?
      Where did it advise women to “confuse communication” with their spouses?

      You made all that up. If anything, the central ideas are to be authentic and confident, exactly the opposite of what you just described. These ideas were emphasized a million times in the article. The word “predictable” however, was mentioned only once. And all that other stuff about being evasive, irregular, non-communicative, inconsistent, etc., was never mentioned at all.

      Quite the opposite, somebody who’s AUTHENTIC is anything but that. Did you even read the article? It sounds like you saw the word “mysterious,” then applied your own personal bias/stereotypes about what a “mysterious person” must be like (secretive, untrustworthy, deliberately avoiding contact, unreliable), without actually reading the article.

  • Salma

    This was an excellent read. Thank you so much for this great info. Keep up the great work in helping all women get an edge on these guys out there. !!!!

  • Amara

    another informative article Renee!! Taking good note I am hmm hmm!! To think I thought building trust was about being an open book!!

  • Jasmine

    THIS IS SUCH AN AMAZING POST!!!!! Renee, I have to say this is easily my favorite post you’ve ever written. It’s one I will read over and over again, especially once I’m married. Thank you so much for sharing your insights.

    • Renee

      That’s ok Jasmine, thanks for your compliments and gratitude. I’m glad you enjoyed it :)

  • twinkle

    I’ve also noticed that it could be because of the music;/ although, I like female singers(divas) there are NOT any male singers or very few and if there are males, there rapping trash on how hes 888=== her

  • http://none Daddy LongShanks

    Some of the men will not put the arm around you or open the door for a female, because increasingly over the last 15 years – females have started acting more like males. This behavior is not allowed in many cases, and in attempting to do so a male slowly demasculates himself.

    I personally prefer if people are connected that you can see it and some bodily contact in social settings should be seen.

    • Renee

      Yes, you’re right – women are becoming more masculine, and men are becoming more feminine!

  • deneicy

    Wow, wish I’d read this a few dozen years ago. Live & learn. Wonder why Mama never taught me this.

  • Renee

    Hey Twinkle! Wow, I find your observations fascinating. That’s how much the blur between masculine/feminine has increased.

    Good point. Girls need to keep their own life :)

  • twinkle

    I might add, which you already said;) have your OWN LIFE go out with GIRLFRIENDS sometimes and have a good time

  • twinkle

    I’m sooo glad you brought up ‘mystery’ I believe it keeps a guy on his toes and you can always tell women who know how to do it; it’s very sad that teenage girls today DONT KNOW how to have it; the’re ASKING GUYS FOR DATES! I’ve ALSO noticed that they also look more desperate. I also don’t see guys with their ARMS AROUND HER SHOULDERS anymore–but i DO see them holding hands.Shes holding HIS hand, he isnt holding hers