Being in the friend zone with a guy you really like can be frustrating and heartbreaking.
When you really like him, the last thing you want is to feel like you’re getting less of him by just keeping him as a friend.
So the question is how to get out of the friend zone with a guy?
If you can’t get out of the friend zone with a guy, here are the main reasons why:
- There’s no attraction or romantic tension between you both (and you’ve never understood the importance of it, or tried to create it)
- You haven’t presented with enough relationship value to make him go: “wow, I’d be crazy not to make this woman my girlfriend or wife.”
I know that may sound harsh, but think about why you as a woman, would friend zone a guy?
Be honest. You’d friend zone him probably for several reasons.
But all the main reasons boil down to the following:
1: You don’t feel attraction for him; and
2: He simply doesn’t present with enough value for you to invest in him in a romantic way.
Here’s the good news:
Both of these factors can be influenced and/or changed.
Here’s the bad news:
Your chance to make a first impression has already come and gone.
Here’s what that means:
It means that when men first meet you, they categorise you into one of two categories.
You’re either in his ‘one of many’ women category, or you’re in the one and only category.
If you’ve been in the friend zone for a while, chances are, you’re the one of many woman, or not even that.
If you’re in the one of many basket, usually, guys are happy to have sex with you, but not commit to you.
If you are in the friend zone with him, then you’re ‘one of many’, although you may be one of many friends.
As I often say to women who are stuck in the one of many basket, it is hard to change this categorisation, but not impossible.
Here’s something positive about being in the friend zone with a guy
Consider this positive:
You guys have plenty of connection, of course, right?
Otherwise you wouldn’t be friends, nor would you be stuck in the friend zone.
So you’re fine on the connection side of things. You’ve got that sorted, which is good, because that’s half the pie.
For a relationship to develop and thrive, you need two things:
Connection and attraction.
The real thing that is missing if you’re in the friend zone with a guy, is romantic tension, and therefore, attraction.
The next thing that is missing is his perception of you as a valuable mate to invest in, which ties into attraction.
When we perceive value, we usually also feel attraction. It’s pretty simple.
Read that again.
Here’s the deal:
You might just not be his ‘type’.
But you might also just be able to make him start to think you are his type!
This possibility is more common than you think.
You may already know that some of the best romantic relationships start out with two people being good friends.
People fall in love with people who weren’t initially their type all the time.
That could be true for you too, although of course there are no guarantees.
If you want to know how to get out of the friend zone with a guy, there’s something else you need to appreciate:
Romantic relationships carry risk, especially for guys. Men by default look for no strings attached sex with women.
Women by default look for more investment and commitment from men.
Due to the fact that unattached relationships carry less inherent risk for men, the woman has to be the ‘right’ woman in order for him.
If she’s not the right woman, then it’s going to be hard for him to overcome his resistance to being exclusive with her, or making her his girlfriend.
Because men know that they have to forego all other opportunities when they invest in you.
They know they have to invest copious amounts of time, energy and attention on the woman!
Therefore, he has to perceive enough value in her in order to go beyond the friend zone.
(Unless he’s a player. Then he’ll just pretend he’s foregoing all other opportunities and keep his side dishes while he’s dating you.)
So here’s how to get out of the friend zone with a guy…
There are two ways: the risky, selfish but fast quick-fix methods (that you can try at your own risk).
And then there’s the longer term, value-adding methods that will require a little more patience and understanding on your part.
Let’s start with the quick-fix ways to get out of the friend zone with a guy…
How to get out of the friend zone fast:
Play to his sense of FOMO.
In other words, take your focus off him and date someone else.
When he sees your attention and resources going elsewhere, you might just have a chance at triggering his fomo, and making him want you in a romantic way.
There are, in fact, many other ways you could attempt to try to get yourself out of the dreaded friend zone.
They carry risk, as they don’t always add value to the relationship, and I don’t always recommend them.
But if you’re interested in looking into it further – read my article on How To Get Him To Chase You.
here is the long term way to get out of the friend zone with a guy…
3 Steps to get out of the friend zone fast…
Step 1: Show up as an intrinsically high value woman.
Here’s a couple of brutal truths: men only truly commit to the right woman.
What’s the right woman?
It’s the woman he perceives the highest value in, and therefore falls in love with and wants to make his one and only.
Men fall in love with high value women who show high value vulnerability.
This doesn’t mean that he has to marry you or wife you. You don’t have to be a wife to be the one and only.
Read and understand more about that in this article: What Is Wife Material?
How do you increase your intrinsic value as a woman?
You work on these 3 areas of value:
1: Radiance value
2: Social Value; and
3: Spiritual value.
For a deeper discussion on these 3 types of value, read my article on How To Be A high Value Woman, and also read my article on How To Get A Boyfriend.
Step 2: Create some emotional attraction and romantic tension.
How do you create emotional attraction and romantic tension?
It’s not too hard. You can use some high value banter to create romantic tension.
We have a free class taught by my hubby David on that. It’s called the dark feminine art of high value banter. Take the free class here.
The art of bantering and using push and pull can help you create uncertainty, which is the essence of romance.
Since you and this guy already have a friendship, there probably isn’t a whole lot of uncertainty.
Instead, there’s probably a lot of familiarity. And familiarity is certain.
It’s not uncertain, and uncertainty is the ingredient you need.
As Oscar Wilde once said: “The essence of romance is uncertainty”.
Another way to create uncertainty is to study ways to make him miss you. I have a whole article dedicated to the topic of how to make him miss you. Read that article here.
And again, if you want to learn more about creating romance and uncertainty, read my article on how to make him chase you.
Do you know the dark art of “High Value Banter” that helps you quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”? CLICK HERE to learn how in this free class.
Step 3: Stop reinforcing the friend zone, and re-frame the relationship.
This is simple, but not so obvious when you already care about a guy as a friend.
If you keep going back to the friendship zone with him, then you’re essentially saying ‘yes’ to being in the friend zone.
You can’t get out of it if you keep going back to it, right?
So, instead of fostering the same old friendship you’ve always had with him, your task is to “reset” the relationship.
Reset it and re-frame it as a potential romantic relationship opportunity.
If you walk away from anything friendship and instead keep your distance, (but be open to flirting with him), that may open up the opportunity for a sense of newness and excitement to creep in.
This excitement is of course by default, uncertain. That’s why it’s exciting!
And from this place, you can hopefully create the uncertainty and novelty required for attraction to develop.
Always remember that the most valuable type of attraction is not physical attraction, its emotional attraction.
So even if you don’t think you’re his “type”, you can still develop emotional attraction with him.
Don’t get too bogged down in the idea that you may not be as physically attractive to him as some of his other lady friends.
The real value is in the emotional attraction, not the physical attraction.
Emotional attraction is the real glue that binds two lovers together (along with emotional connection.)
I hope this helped you. Leave me a comment telling me your story of getting stuck in the friend zone.
Have you successfully gotten out of the friend zone with a guy? How?
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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