When I first started this blog, I was writing for straight women.
Over time, as my blog has received more exposure, I’ve been asked about how masculinity and femininity works in same-sex relationships. Whilst I still write predominantly for straight women, I want people to know that I don’t intend to exclude people in same-sex relationships in The Feminine Woman Community, and neither do I seek to perpetrate any intolerance towards gays.
I understand that people have thought, at first, that I was saying that same-sex relationships are wrong and shouldn’t exist. This is not the case at all! So, as promised, and in response to a few requests and suggestions that I acknowledge same-sex relationships on my blog, David and I have written this article.
We are not experts on this topic. Neither of us are gay, and neither of us can relate to being gay, or have a solid understanding of what it’s like to be in a same-sex relationship; so the article is intended to be an open discussion, where people can share their ideas and thoughts on the topic – so that we can all learn from one another.
Let’s look at what brings a relationship together in the first place
First of all, for a relationship to form, there has to be similarities. There’s got to be things in common so that rapport can be established between the two people. This could be…same work place, same sense of humour, same passions, opinions on important issues, same way of reacting to weird situations, the same funny look etc,…anything that’s similar.
The reason why we, as humans like commonalities is because it makes us feel safer to know that someone else is like us. Haven’t we all at some time, through the ebb and flow of life, seen or met someone who made us think….”oh my god, he/she does that just like ME!”
Commonalities build rapport.
Rapport is the basis of communication and influence. You can’t get a message through to someone if you don’t have rapport with them. Therefore you can’t carry on a relationship with them if there’s no rapport.
A lot of relationships are based heavily on commonalities. In fact, sometimes when we get into a relationship, through our need to be loved…we tend to subconsciously “copy” the other person and become more like them…so that they might like us more, and to feel closer to them! We’ve all been there to some extent. (read my article about how to develop character)
Some couples even start to look like each other after a while, and they have the same expressions, same gestures, and even similar facial features.
Commonalities give us certainty; one of most important human needs. We need to feel certain and safe to let go and be ourselves.
Friendships are usually based around things that two people have in common. Whether that’s goals, activities, passions, likes/dislikes, etc. (read my article about warning about girlfriends who don’t compliment you)
In a intimate relationship however, unless you plan just to be friends forever, commonality isn’t enough. You need things to be opposite to create passion. Because, if you had everything in common with your partner (whatever he’s doing, you’re doing too…whatever you’re doing, she’s doing too), then wouldn’t that get very boring very quickly?
To create passion and excitement, there’s got to be differences. Attraction is caused by polarity and opposites. Like a positive particle and a negative particle creating charge in between them. There has to be polarity to make a relationship exciting and full of variety.
In same sex relationships, you will still be able to see the masculine and feminine polarity within the relationship. We don’t want to stereotype people, or cause any more segregation or marginalization than there is already in society, so our aim isn’t to point the finger or exclude anyone.
Whether you are in a heterosexual relationship or a same-sex relationship, it’s really your choice and we can’t tell you what’s right or what’s wrong. We just want to clear up that sexual orientation is independent of masculine or feminine.
This means that if you’re a man, and you’re feminine, you’re not necessarily gay and vise-versa; if you’re a gay man, it doesn’t mean you are necessarily very feminine. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)
The same goes with women; you don’t have to be all masculine and macho to be a lesbian. In fact, we have seen first-hand a few extremely feminine lesbians (who don’t know each other).
It is in our belief that in any intimate relationship, there are masculine and feminine roles. This means that in same sex relationships, there will be someone who is more in their masculine and someone who’s more in their feminine at any point in time. These roles can obviously be reversed (gives it a good sense of variety that way).
This isn’t to say that if you’re both masculine or both feminine at your core that a relationship isn’t going to work. Because you can be totally masculine at work but still come home and be feminine. There are many roles in life, and as we take on different roles, we change our identity, what we believe, and our values.
We would love to hear what you have to say about this. The more input from everyone, the more understanding we will all have. This is not a place for judgment or separation, it is a place where we can come together and extend our understanding of ourselves, other people, and the world around us.
Ultimately, we want people to walk away with a deeper, richer appreciation and understanding of humans.
(By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)
So please comment below and give your opinion as to whether there has to be a masculine/feminine essence or role in same-sex relationships, just as in heterosexual relationships.
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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